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Metapost: Hot ‘n’ sweaty comments of the week

HOT ENOUGH FOR YA???? Haha but seriously, it’s almost summer and in many parts of the world it’s quite warm. I will be enjoying summer activities tomorrow and probably won’t have time to get weekend comics up until Sunday or maybe even Monday, so don’t panic if you don’t see them! But for now, enjoy your comment of the week:

“Being stuck in high school forever sounds like my idea of Hell. In other news, I’ve found a way of looking at Luann that makes it genuinely enjoyable.” –TheDiva

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I thought that was Mark’s hand touching Cherry’s nose … you know, the standard way to greet your life-mate after they’ve almost been savaged by a giant bear, with a little lighthearted noseplay.” –Mardou Fox

“Actually, I’m more concerned that this seems very out of character for Mark. He’s asking about the physical well being of his wife, when he should be trying to catch that grizzly bear so he can ride it into the forest fire to punch out the flames. ‘Yeah, great, you’re alive or whatever,’ Mark says darkly. ‘It’s motherfucking bear time.’” –Tophat

“It’s the expression of the purple fish that tells the true story — the horror, the mute, frozen incomprehension. ‘Oh, God, he … ate him. That eight-legged monster just swallowed him whole. Why is no one doing anything? The cops look HAPPY?! Oh, Lord, no. Now he’s pretending to drive! Stop beeping the horn!’” –I am Jack’s username

“Perhaps Mister Wilson is simply shaking with distress over Dennis taunting him with the fact that he cannot in fact smile, having no mouth.” –Sparrrow

“Crossover? Could this be the bear that attacked Cherry? Has he used a whole bottle of shampoo trying to wash off the stench of yet another failure?” –Mikey

“I’m not that familiar with the genre, but how would this make a good reality show? ‘MTV’s A Guy Who Knew a Lady With Cancer’?” –Bob the Builder

“Why ask if Lois loves you, Dot? You’re wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt. That means nobody loves you.” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Sure, let’s assign apes to perform undesirable jobs in our society,’ they said. ‘They’ll never revolt,’ they said.” –Chareth Cutestory

“The most unsettling thing about Heathcliff is the dead, blank look on the gorilla’s face as it prances up, throwing garbage cans around. How long now has this poor creature been putting on this avant garde performance piece? How many nights has he lost himself in his work, slowly dying inside as he realizes the only person that cares is one lone asshole cat who only wants to rifle through his art and eat some comedically large fish bones or whatever out of the trash? The owls call him the Garbage Ape, condescendingly. He is numb to their scorn. He is numb to everything, now.” –Tophat

Funky Winkerbean: “How evil can Frankie’s henchman Lenny be? He put his seatbelt on.” –jim, some guy in iowa

“Why is ‘ennywhar’ rendered in dialect but ‘swear’ is not? Hint to Parson: They rhyme, or should. Your Witness Protection sponsor, or perhaps your KGB mole-runner, should have clued you in better on these local matters.” –Lucy

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194 responses to “Metapost: Hot ‘n’ sweaty comments of the week”

  1. Huckleberry Fink
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Nice crop of comments this week. Much better than the unpopped kernels of Orville Redenbacher’s that Crankshaft planted in his garden.

  2. Baka Gaijin
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Great COTW comments. I knew I’d see Mardou’s comment on the float.

  3. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Jealous, jealous I am of these comments! Very funny, all!

  4. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    And the results are in. We have winners!

    Congrats to all!

  5. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    FC: It was then that Thel revealed to Billy that his nickname is “Housefly.”

    Billy is now known as “Waffle Face.”

  6. Stroker Ace
    May 31st, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane – Evidently lakes don’t cause shrinkage.

  7. Calico
    May 31st, 2013 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#5):
    Is that how Starchie got his crosshatching too?

    It is 30 C (86 F) in Quebec City. That’s right. Bawlmer must be really hot (I reme ber scorchers in Anne Arundel Cty. as a child)

    I don’t usually hate people, but I thought this was funny – the BK team posted this (the last one made me LOL)
    http://ht.ly/lAMFj

  8. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#7):

    NO ONE should cross Thel when she’s got “THE SWATTER!”
    Not even that bad boy Starchie.

  9. midtown
    May 31st, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations and thanks for all the great comments this week. Wow, Tophat has two!! One more and he’d have a Top-hat trick.

  10. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Why would Lu Ann be pointing to someone she’s not referring?

    Well, we can fix that.

  11. Dale
    May 31st, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Cherry’s hands: Atrophy v. Whigham

    Andy, like Brian, is the smartest member of his family, but he’s still a dog.
    Why isn’t he chasing the deer?

  12. Elk Meadow
    May 31st, 2013 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    *********************
    Congratulations, floaters!
    *********************

  13. Dale
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    I figured out why Mark sat up front in the canoe.
    He wanted to play B29 nose gunner.

    Was the bear really a grizzly or a Kodiak? It was seriously all brown.
    Cherry called it a grizzly, but she was the one who irresponsibly shot her rifle into the air and burned the place down.

  14. Francis Hobbs
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Tophat!
    The most effectual Tophat!
    Whose intellectual close friends get to call him Teehee
    Providing it’s with dignity.

    Tophat!
    The indisputable leader of the gang.
    He’s the boss, he’s a pip, he’s the championship.
    He’s the most tip top,
    Tophat.

    Yes he’s a chief, he’s a king,
    But above everything,
    He’s the most tip top,
    Tophat.

    Tophat!

  15. Robert Ripley
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Francis Hobbs (#14): Top Cat is called “Pissu Poosa” in Sri Lanka!

  16. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    @Robert Ripley (#15):

    I like the German Superkater. It makes him sound like he’s got special powers.

  17. Peanut Gallery
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @Robert Ripley (#15): In Vietnam he’s just known as “Tô Phát.”

  18. Peanut Gallery
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#17): Er… I meant Tophat, not Top Cat. I’ll just show myself out…

  19. Poteet
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    Loud huzzahs for TheDiva and the other entertaining people of the float! The asterisk this week goes to I am Jack’s username. And isn’t it time to give Doctor Handsome his own special chair and canister of small chocolate bars? He rides so often.

  20. Poteet
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    9CL — This means the Fleurrie story is almost over, right? Right?

  21. Calico
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Hi all – check out Mark Trail for NOAA Radio! : )
    http://www.nws.noaa.gov/nwr/

  22. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#20):

    Probably not. We’re most likely in for at least a week of hand sex, McEldowney style.
    Maybe he’ll vary it this time and have underwater foot sex.

  23. Ed Dravecky
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to Mardou Fox and all the funny folk on the float!

  24. kurtw
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Clever comments, for sure. Meanwhile 6/1 M. Trail offers touching panel of Mark and Cherry viewing a tranquil scene, with the log they’re leaning on shaping Cherry’s butt into a shape enticing to Mark or, if location was Yellowstone Park, to Grizzly’s roaming there (Nat. Geographic described such an attack years ago).

  25. Droopy Says
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    The Dogpaddling Spiderman: No, but you’ve had months to explain it and it still makes no sense. For example, how can anyone in San Francisco see them when they emerged on the far side of Alcatraz Island? And why are they in the middle of the bay when, hello! they came out of the laboratory right at the edge of Alcatraz Island? And, duh, the island is inside San Francisco Bay, so what’s with that huge expanse of open ocean beyond them?

    Family Circus: You’re right, Dolly, by now those vintage 1960 color Polaroids should have faded enough to make you invisible.

    Funky’s Flunkies: What a pity that Frankie escaped. He started this mess, so he deserves to suffer with the readers as Blandie and Dullwood trade smirks.

    Flatulence Alley: Offended at having a pig call her a cow, Clovia shows that she has less intelligence than any barnyard animal.

    Mark Trail: “–and the glow of that distant forest fire only makes our evening lovelier!”

    Pluggers: Oh no, it’s Sluggard! How far will he have to walk to get his arteries clogged?

  26. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Kill it before it breeds!

    Family Circus: Dolly likes to take out her Matthew Brady daguerrotypes to show people how she hasn’t aged a day in 150 years.

  27. Casey, Crime Photographer
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#26): You spelled “Mathew Braddy” wrong.

  28. Mardou Fox
    June 1st, 2013 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    Wheeee! Tossing ice cubes from the float!

  29. Baka Gaijin
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Early Comments

    If I had a magnifying glass, I’d bet I could see Dolly’s brain through her nostril. [starts shattering all magnifying glasses in this postal code]

    OMG! Cherry Trail’s name should be Cleopatra because she’s in a state of denial. She thinks Shelley’s gonna change her mind about the outdoors after that fiasco? Uh, think not. Shelley almost got killed at least 3 times on panel with potential death from food poisoning lurking around if the plane crash, bear bites, and raging wildfire didn’t get her before she was rescued.

    The eponymous character’s final speech bubble in Sherman’s Lagoon applies equally well in Rex Morgan, MD if not better.

    Ugh. Will someone please fling open the “Ambulances Only” door and slap those two sappy lovebirds into unconsciousness? It’s like a really bad soap opera. Worst. Soap. Opera. Ever.

    //Mary Worth in case you couldn’t figure it out.

  30. gleeb
    June 1st, 2013 at 5:31 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: This strip is as exciting as watching grass grow.

    ‘bean: I miss Lenny already.

    Thalia’s Grift!: Uh oh. Abbey isn’t getting the hint.

    Phantom: Dude’s just going for a walk and enjoying a wilderness area. What would Mark Trail say?

    Rex: Ugh, Rex is going to have to actually do something to earn the huge pile of satellite cash that will land in his lap.

    Zig: It was funnier in Dick Tracy.

  31. Mr O'Malley
    June 1st, 2013 at 5:52 am [Reply]

    Darkgate’s gone?

    No one ever comments on Jane’s World, which is OK with me. It’s fine for what it is. Not too much need for snark.

    But this flashback is supposedly set in Stockholm, and she is driving a right-hand drive car. She imported a car from the UK, or what?

    http://www.gocomics.com/janesworld

  32. Droopy Says
    June 1st, 2013 at 6:12 am [Reply]

    @Mr O’Malley (#31): Last week Paige established that Jill drove a mini-Cooper back then, so it may have been a UK import.

  33. Francis Hobbs
    June 1st, 2013 at 6:15 am [Reply]

    @Mr O’Malley (#31): Last I heard the lady who does Jane’s World was helping to run the “Peanuts” empire. Which is pretty awesome for a person born without “peanuts”!

  34. Francis Hobbs
    June 1st, 2013 at 6:40 am [Reply]

    After all the controversy over the “animals” in Beetle Bailey, I probably should let sleeping dogs lie:

    http://www.gocomics.com/broomhilda/2013/06/01

    Looks like a dog/goat/opossum hybrid to me!

  35. Liam
    June 1st, 2013 at 6:47 am [Reply]

    A3G-His home life must be terrible if he doesn’t want to go home or is it the art gallery he is talking about.

    Spiderman-This is easy to explain. Realizing the damage they doing to the water with ferry boats the residents of San Francisco have done away with the boats and are hiring superheroes to swim through the bay with people in tow.

    FC-And by this time next year Dolly will be a withered desiccated husk.

    FW-Remember, Darin, Bio-Dad isn’t your real dad Stroke-Dad is.

    JP-Have you thought of doing things for the money? Things that are unmentionable but we all know what they are.

    Love Is-All over?

    MT-Maybe Shelley should try camping again in an area that doesn’t catch fire.

    MT 2-”It is amazing how all the smoke and soot and ash from the forest fire makes the sunset so beautiful.”

    MW-Wait until you really meet Elinor, Tom. She puts the “mother” in mother fucker.

  36. Baka Gaijin
    June 1st, 2013 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#35) on Mary Worth: COTW!

  37. Francis Hobbs
    June 1st, 2013 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    @Mr O’Malley (#31): Darkgate’s gone?

    It’s not gone. It’s just s-l-o-w to load.

  38. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 1st, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    9CL: prostate check in 3, 2, 1. . .

    SBp: guest-starring Jim Leyland and a variety of anonymous Tigers. *golf clap*

    Luann: so, does that mean self-lubricating hand-jobs?

    JUMBLE: *grrrrroan* @ at what I think the answer is.

    OBH: beat Dad to the punchline.

    SF: yay!!! (lovin’ the new artist.)

    I shall now summon a new thread, by posting in this one!

  39. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 1st, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#25): ASM: duh, the island is inside San Francisco Bay, so what’s with that huge expanse of open ocean beyond them?

    Well, duh, this is Spider Man! He is so busy congratulating himself that he has failed to notice that he is swimming off into the Pacific.

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 1st, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . surprise buttsekhs

  41. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 1st, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    oh wow. an honor to be along for the ride with all those great comments

    “fw” — aww. darin evidently inherited biodad’s pac man/muppet mouth. so cute

  42. Old Folkie
    June 1st, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    9CL: So Edda managed to swim away from Fluerrie, find her bikini top, and climb up on the dock in about 5 minutes?

    MT: An alien has obviously taken over Mark in panel 2.

  43. Droopy Says
    June 1st, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#39): That . . . makes all kinds of sense. It’s just a shock to see this strip give a realistic view of Spiderklutz and his ineptness, rather than merely bungle the scenery.

  44. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 1st, 2013 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#42): re: “mark trail” — and cherry must be on some heavy duty painkillers

  45. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 1st, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

  46. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 1st, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    One Big Happy: A classic comedy bit from Abbott and Ruthiello!

    Nancy: Since I can’t tell the difference between the black meatballs and the characters’ black eyeballs, this is some sick, twisted stuff.

  47. Shrug
    June 1st, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to all of the float riders! Throw overflowing garbage cans!!

    //Because Garbage Ape is going to want take a couple of weeks off for vacation sometime, and will need a temp to do his route for him.

  48. Poteet
    June 1st, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#22): And some voyeurism. It would have been much easier and quicker if Fleurrie had said “Sven, I want to have sex with you in a place where Edda can watch and I’ll give you a generous bonus if you agree to do it” about a month ago.

  49. Poteet
    June 1st, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 1st, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#49): *bows*

    pleased to have been of service.

  51. Poteet
    June 1st, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    LUANN — How romantic. It’s just the three of them — Gunther, Rosa, and Rosa’s hair.

  52. Francis Hobbs
    June 1st, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#51): I was picturing Rosa’s hair on Mr. Wilson’s head. But it might make a better merkin for Mrs. Wilson.

  53. revenge4Aldo
    June 1st, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#20): Up next… The Pregnancy!

  54. Sparkle Plenty
    June 1st, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    FW: Nice apology to Darin.

    MT: Nice assurance to Cherry.

  55. TheDiva
    June 1st, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Whoo-hoo! *tosses beads*

    9CL: Thumbs up if you like voyeurism/exhibitionism!

    A3G: It was nice of Cole to wait until his daughter was present to start acting flat-out crazy.

    C’shaft: Still the most excitement the Funkiverse has seen in a good long while.

    FW: That’s right, Jess, you were wrong, wrong, wrong and don’t you ever forget it! You’re lucky Darin the blessed offspring of Saint Dead Lisa is gracious and forgiving as well as all-knowing and wise, because he would be totally justified in spending a week throwing you out on your ass the way he did with bio-dad.

    Luann: I was going to talk about how lame the prom decorations are, but decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. When your school consists of five students, there’s not a whole lot of options for the decorating committee, and the Kinko’s banner and cardboard silhouettes of other dancers is probably the best they could do under the circumstances.

    MT: “Maybe a visit to Oklahoma will open Shelly’s mind to the beauty of nature…”

    MW: “Great! So, you’ll talk with your mom about the three-way?”

    On the other hand, it’s nice that the ambulances have their own break room.

    Pluggers are hopelessly self-absorbed.

    SM: I think San Franciscoites (?) are too busy wondering where the Golden Gate Bridge went to be worried about a couple men swimming in bodysuits.

  56. Sequitur
    June 1st, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#51):

    What? Did I miss the meeting? Is the spinoff from Luann going to be Rosa’s Hair?

  57. midtown
    June 1st, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Pluggers don’t believe in public transportation.

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 1st, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @midtown (#57): Pluggers think that only hobos ride light rail.

  59. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 1st, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#55): Pluggers are hopelessly self-absorbed.

    And if you were a Plugger, you’d be buying Absorbine Jr.® by the caseload!

  60. Baka Gaijin
    June 1st, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#59): And if you were a Plugger, you’d be buying Absorbine Jr. Sr.® by the caseload! FTFY.

  61. debussy fields
    June 1st, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    MT– “Mark, being with Shelley and her fear of the outdoors verified for me my love of the outdoors and my love for living in a wilderness area. But I need to reveal a deep, dark, and shameful secret: I am deathly afraid of the indoors. Perhaps if I stayed with Shelley and Wes for a while, they could show me how to cope with life inside four walls…”
    “I don’t think you should do that, honey. What if you end up liking the indoors? Where would that leave me?”

  62. the REAL Mark Trail
    June 1st, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    … and so, my little action epic comes to a close! Tomorrow’s Sunday page is about… well, WHAT was the name of that lake they were on? anyway, Monday starts a daily that Jack and I worked together on… the idea being his. Oh, before I forget; the reason Mark didn’t run up and hug Cherry was because she had a wounded shoulder, so I thought I’d play it a bit “light” I hope you all enjoyed!! – James Allen

  63. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 1st, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#62): silly Mark, why didn’t he PUNCH the wound off?

    ;-)

  64. Baka Gaijin
    June 1st, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#62): I love Cherry’s ironic optimism in the first panel. I loved Cherry smacking Shelley in the fire. I loved Shelley’s attachment to her beloved cell phone and how, ironically, handy it would have been so useful during this nightmarish trip. I loved Mrs. Bruin and Boo Boo running around. In short, I loved this storyline.

    Congratulate yourself: you’ve added to the internal memes of this board: We had Mark’s Right Fist o’Justice. Now we have Cherry’s Bitchslap o’Sensibility to look forward to.

  65. Amos Snarkadder
    June 1st, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Gunth n’ Rosas “Hyperhidrosis. But I know a fix. We just wipe our funk on each other’s clothes.”

    FW Oh, great. The start of another documentary. That ends with someone dead. Whoopee!

  66. Amos Snarkadder
    June 1st, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#64):

    We had Mark’s Right Fist o’Justice. Now we have Cherry’s Bitchslap o’Sensibility to look forward to.

    Yeah!
    // Remind me – what did that sound like? FRONNK!? No, no, that’s not it.

  67. Amos Snarkadder
    June 1st, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#62): We did enjoy! Thanks, TRMT!

  68. the REAL Mark Trail
    June 1st, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#64): thank you so much!

    @Amos Snarkadder (#67): again, thank you!

  69. Amos Snarkadder
    June 1st, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#51): @Sequitur (#56): In the Luanniverse, big hair must be some kind of sign of superiority: Toni and Rosa have the same big hair, and they are the paragons of femininity. Or that’s just one of the few options in the Mrs. Potato Head set.

  70. Robert Ripley
    June 1st, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#64): “Bitchslap o’Sensibility” by Jane Austen first appeared in 1811, and was published under the pseudonym C. Trail.

  71. Calico
    June 1st, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#28):
    Ice cube necklace! LOL

    Here’s a non-comics related funny – sometimes crude, sometimes not.
    Damn autocorrect (like damn auto-tune, all we all morons?)
    http://seriouslyforreal.com/funny/the-25-funniest-autocorrects-of-dyacs-first-year/

  72. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 1st, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been out of town, so oversnarpologies, if necessary!

    MT: I imagine that Cherry’s right, and this experience will lead to Shelly eventually loving the outdoors. After all, I hated vegetables, until one day, I unwillingly consumed some broccoli. Choking and flailing, I knocked over a candle on the table, setting the restaurant on fire. Meanwhile, my date broke his arm trying to do the Heimlich maneuver. And in all the mayhem, another friend was bitten by an enraged bear. And ever since then, I love me some broccoli!

    ASM: I was going to go back and read this week’s strips to find out how Spidey and Daredevil helped everyone escape from Alcatraz (heh), but you know, meh, Spider-Man.

    Oh, and congrats, float-folk—funny stuff!

  73. Calico
    June 1st, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#69):
    It used to be in the 1980′s. Gawdawful.
    Check out the BH at 1:35 – wow
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM3nozQ3i-s
    I like this song and band, but damn, the 80′s…

  74. Calico
    June 1st, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#61):
    The Real Housewives of LoFo

  75. Amos Snarkadder
    June 1st, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#29):

    Ugh. Will someone please fling open the “Ambulances Only” door and slap those two sappy lovebirds into unconsciousness? It’s like a really bad soap opera. Worst. Soap. Opera. Ever.

    Or at least slap some sense into Beth.

    “Beth, it’s just a measure of my true love desperation.”

  76. Horace Broon
    June 1st, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all!

    A3G: “You don’t understand anything, LuAnn!” is the truest thing I’ve ever read in this strip.

    ASM: Stan and Larry attempt to rip off Marvel’s own movie division and, of course, come up short.

    FC: Dolly tries to convince herself she’s aged at all in the past 40 years.

  77. Poteet
    June 1st, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Francis Hobbs (#52): Now there’s an image I wouldn’t have thought of…

  78. Dale
    June 1st, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Cherry, despite the constantly changing scenery, you do not live in a WILDERNESS. You have phone service, electricity, indoor plumbing, and access by land and water. It’s like living in a city without the parking problems and all the dirty people.

  79. Poteet
    June 1st, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#69): I’m kind of hoping that Rosa’s hair will run off with Toni’s hair and they’ll live happily ever after.

  80. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 1st, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Stop ‘n’ Smell the Rosas: Gunther wanted to run barefoot through Rosa’s hair. But that was before he had a chance to touch her heavily lacquered locks…
    “Geez, I bet she can stop bullets with that hair helmet!” he thought to himself.

  81. White Rabbit
    June 1st, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith: I’m pleased to announce that the feature films “Private Snuffy Smith” and “Hillbilly Blitzkrieg” (best movie title ever) can now be downloaded legitimately, from the Internet Archive at archive.org. And it’s free gratis, which means you don’t have to pay for it, as always at the IA. They do great work, so help them out if you can.

  82. Amos Snarkadder
    June 1st, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    A 3rd Avenue Grate Yes, if “home” is where Marty lives, I can appreciate why Cole prefers a subway grate.

    //And why do Marty and Luann seem so amused about Cole’s panic attack?

  83. Inkwell
    June 1st, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Clammy palms, drenched in sweat, soaking each other in an intimate embrace… Luann knows the basis for any steamy romance is hyperhidrosis!

  84. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 1st, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    AG3: “I’m not going back there. Not ever!” said Cole, still wearing his green jacket. And it was true. The never-ending fear. The tension of knowing that every shot had to count. No, never again would he compete in a Masters Tournament.

  85. Amos Snarkadder
    June 1st, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#83): And Rosa and Gunther have so much else in common…

    It’s a big import from Australia.

  86. Droopy Says
    June 1st, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#62): Continuity in Mark Trail? Is nothing sacred?

  87. Liam
    June 1st, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-I’m sorry, Spiderman, but you’re over your limit. You’re going to have to toss one of those people back.

    MW-Then Tom really meets Elinor. “Fuck this shit. I’m out of here. I can stand you, Beth, but I sure as hell don’t want to have to deal with that crazy shrew of a woman your mother is.”

    A3G-”I’ve seen things. I’ve seen paintings done in non-traditional styles. It’s too much for me to deal with.”

  88. Calico
    June 1st, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    What deeply concerns me about this MW story is that Mary really hasn’t been around to meddle guide and counsel the ever-loving couple.
    Maybe her Omega-3 levels are scant, as we haven’t seen her at The Bum Boat as of late.

  89. Calico
    June 1st, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    I hope Cole gets a service dog. The type with four paws.

  90. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon of the Belgian Congo
    June 1st, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @White Rabbit (#81): Thank you! The late Roger Ebert had this obsession with “Citizen Kane”. Obviously he never saw “Hillbilly Blitzkrieg”.

  91. Calico
    June 1st, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    MW “Ambulances only” – how the hell does an ambulance get through that tiny tiny hallway?
    Plus, those legs must belong to the disembodied head from the other day. What a wonderful hospital!

    Beetle – speaking of legs, why does Sue have eight? How tragic.

  92. A Spider
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#91): Speaking of legs, why does Sue have eight? How tragic.

    I find your comment to be insensitive towards arachnid-Americans.

  93. debussy fields
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    MT– “And wouldn’t it fun if Rusty came along and put his left hand on my right shoulder to keep this cool “Chain of Friendship” going? Then one of these ducks could come down and Andy could put his left paw on its right shoulder, and the duck could put its left wing on a snake’s right shoulder. That would end the chain to the left, I guess. Doc could come then and put his left hand on Rusty’s right shoulder. And Doc’s old friend, the guy who had his right arm lopped off in the sawmill, could come and put his left hand on Doc’s right shoulder. That would be cool! Call them on your cell phone, Cherry, and tell them to come.”

  94. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    got my ‘fish out of water’ limit today. Was trying to find tamirind paste to make Pad Thai, and not only had to derp around an Oriental market, but also an Indian one. It’s like, stuff from whole ‘nother countries and stuff!

    did find the condiment, so we’ll be first-timing a dish tonight.

    further random info: I just got “socially awkward penguin” as a captcha. I’m feeling meta-recursive.

  95. Nehemiah Scudder, Living in the Past
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#72): And now, though you love broccoli, it has to be roast broccoli, and you have to burn down a restaurant to get the flavor just right. That must be so inconvenient.

    // I recently re-read Charles Lamb’s “A Dissertation on Roast Pig.”

  96. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @A Spider (#92): and it’s not wise to be insensitive to Arachnid-Americans.

    (cute & sfw, from a site that includes nsfw content.)

  97. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Phantom of the Opera pitbull. love brindles, even when they’re on pits.

  98. commodorejohn
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

  99. Shrug, Overacting for the Cheap Seats
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#64):

    “Congratulate yourself: you’ve added to the internal memes of this board: We had Mark’s Right Fist o’Justice. Now we have Cherry’s Bitchslap o’Sensibility to look forward to.”

    Not to mention Mark’s Nose-poke o’ Relieved True Love.

  100. Robert Ripley
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#91): Beetle – speaking of legs, why does Sue have eight? How tragic.

    Susan sells seashells at the seashore!

  101. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#62): I enjoyed the more sophisticated art combined with the traditional Elrodian level of almost-surreal plot moves (seriously: this is a sincere compliment)! Nice work!

  102. Shrug, Milking Another Joke for More Than It's Worth
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @revenge4Aldo (#53):

    9CL: “Up next… The Pregnancy!”

    What? You mean the cow is pregnant! Congratulations!

    ///If the eventual calf looks like Sven, much of the plot will suddenly make sense, but Fleurrie will not be happy.

  103. endless sky
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#91): Life ain’t easy for a dog named Sue.

  104. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 1st, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Milking Another Joke for More Than It’s Worth (#102): i gather there was a legendary 9cl bit featuring a unicorn? possibly sveth will morph into his true minotaur form. that, too, would explain a lot

  105. Chip Whittle
    June 1st, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#104):

    i gather there was a legendary 9cl bit featuring a unicorn?

    Yes, and it turns out to have been the point where Brooke McEldowney first went crazy. The story started out on May 14, 2007, and seemed–seemed!–like a neat change of pace for things. Then the story went on. And on. It finally ended June 26th, at which time it seemed like a cute idea sprawled out to unsustainable length, but that was before the Belgium story. I like to establish my old-time credentials by pointing out I was reading 9 Chickweed Lane before Brooke McEldowney went nuts.

  106. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 1st, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#105): I’d buy that on a T-shirt.

  107. tallyHO
    June 1st, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff:

    I think the joke should be that Heathcliff’s “owner” is making excuses for why his cat isn’t a great at playing center field.

    Right. Blame the fact that The Great Heathcliff, a cat with paws with one them in a mitt made for fingers, can’t catch a baseball due to birds flying overhead.

  108. tallyHO
    June 1st, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Nancy:

    How else could this be parsed? Sure, you could try to say it is amazement at how the meatballs fell in some pattern that would make Mickey Mandelbrot dwell on the possibilities. However, the simplest way to look at their reaction is Sluggo just sneezed on their dinner.

    Disgust. It is what’s for dinner.

  109. tallyHO
    June 1st, 2013 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail:

    Missing third panel:

    Mark:

    Sorry, Cherry. I’m completely forgetting something else which makes me feel like the luckiest guy in the world. How could I be so thoughtless?

    Then Mark takes a couple of punches in the air. He sighs and then says,

    There’s nothing like the fresh outdoor air, freshened with Justice!

  110. tallyHO
    June 1st, 2013 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Did no one mention that The Early Bird Was Going After Thirsty’s Worm?

    Oh, Hi&Lois why must you embarrass me so? [/sylvester cat’s son]

  111. The Ridger
    June 1st, 2013 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @Mr O’Malley (#31): Darkgate’s up for me. But I wanted to comment on your car comment. When I was in the army, in Berlin, I nearly had a heart attack when the driver of the car ahead of me suddenly turned around and started rummaging around in the back seat. Took a minute to spot the UK license plates.

    They actually forbade UK servicemen from passing people on roads where you had to be in the oncoming traffic lane to do so, as they had to pull all the way out before they could see if there was oncoming traffic. One RAF guy I worked with bought a German car, and proceeding to spend a couple of weeks beating the hell out of his left hand by hitting it into the door reaching for the gearshift.

    Ah. Good times. Thanks for reminding me!

  112. Peanut Gallery
    June 1st, 2013 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    MW – “You make everything right in a world that’s like a bad M.C. Escher drawing.”

  113. Majicou
    June 1st, 2013 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#105): That last installment seems to sum up Brooke’s attitude about True Artists vs. the hideous, sub-human parasites that constitute the remainder of the world’s population. He is the 1.43e-8 percent.

  114. Baka Gaijin
    June 1st, 2013 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Robert Ripley (#70): I knew I’d heard that phrase before. Thanks!

    @Amos Snarkadder (#75): Oh ha ha!

    @Amos Snarkadder (#85): Ew.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#94): It’s a matter of perspective. I find Pop Tarts on the international aisle of the grocery store.

  115. Baka Gaijin
    June 1st, 2013 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Overacting for the Cheap Seats (#99): Oh my! [/George Takei]

    @tallyHO (#108): Yeah, I couldn’t find any humor in Nancy either. Not even a titter.

    @The Ridger (#111): Wow. I always wondered if people got disoriented like that. Of course I didn’t and I don’t know anyone who did.

  116. Chip Whittle
    June 1st, 2013 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#115):

    Yeah, I couldn’t find any humor in Nancy either. Not even a titter.

    Aw, you two are just forgetting the song. Presumably in a Sunday strip the meatballs would keep rolling.

  117. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 1st, 2013 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#114): *chuckle*

    it is indeed a matter of perspective. :-)

  118. Dale
    June 1st, 2013 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#62):

    I figured it was because Mark didn’t want to do a PDA in front of the Thompsons.
    They wouldn’t have noticed. Shelley would have been screaming.

  119. tallyHO
    June 1st, 2013 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Crispin Glover should be the next Doctor Who.

    You heard it here 121st!

  120. Calico
    June 1st, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#112):
    Speaking of bad, was the inky blackness in the first panel of Snuf a PS layer mistake, or a cruel joke?

  121. Calico
    June 1st, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

  122. , dammit.onCalico
    June 1st, 2013 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @A Spider (#92):
    Peter, I apologize. LOL
    Now I don’t have a leg to stand on, dammit.

  123. Calico
    June 1st, 2013 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    Hahaha, I love my Mac keyboard! What a cluster fuck.

  124. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 1st, 2013 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#105): y’know, from everything i ever read or heard, ballet dancing *is* a ton of work, ferociously competitive, and can be really hard on a person’s body. and if someone can make a living at it, by god that is an achievement

    but edda (or good ol’ precious brooke) isn’t making that living out of nowhere – it comes from people who spend their lives tied to punch presses, in front of classrooms, treating sick cows and (yes even this) making financial deals on freaking wall street – and at the same time have the desire to appreciate art, whether it’s on a stage or a newspaper page

    art without an audience is nothing more than masturbation, and i guess from reading ’9cl’ and ‘pibgorn’, and their contempt for the audience that dares to be critical, that’s all mc eldowney wants

  125. Elk Meadow
    June 1st, 2013 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    Regarding the Milton story line at RMMD: If this is how Lisa Moore in “Funky Winkerbean” treated her medical staff while she was going through the breast cancer story arc, it would explain a lot.

  126. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 1st, 2013 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

  127. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 1st, 2013 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#119): Crispin Glover should be the next Doctor Who.

    His brother Danny would make a better Doctor Who: “I’m too old for this sh*t!”

  128. Huckleberry Fink
    June 1st, 2013 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#119): The Crispin Glover song “Clowny Clown Clown” probably isn’t on Baka Gaijin’s playlist.

  129. Amos Snarkadder
    June 1st, 2013 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#79): There’s not room in the strip for that much hair.

    But young women do need role models.

  130. Peanut Gallery
    June 1st, 2013 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#120): I’m afraid they’re picking up bad habits from Herb & Jamaal.

  131. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 1st, 2013 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#126): ouch, ouch ouch!

    (apologies for the rant. it looks rather pretentious itself now that i’ve settled down)

  132. Huckleberry Fink
    June 1st, 2013 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Bil Keane’s OTHER comic strip:

    http://belatednerd.com/tag/channel-chuckles/

  133. Liam
    June 1st, 2013 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois-That’s it. Let Thirsty sleep. Don’t tell him about the vulture that’s headed his way.

  134. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 1st, 2013 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth: Hil’s friend Nona is back!

    Pluggers… like to park near the Porta-Johns.

  135. commodorejohn
    June 1st, 2013 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    Wait, I missed the part where Gunther and the girl whose standards are low enough to settle for Gunther are bonding over a shared disorder? How…touching. Reminds me of this comic and the magic of herpes romance… (Though in all other respects that thing reminds me much more strongly of Pibgorn…)

  136. tallyHO
    June 2nd, 2013 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smif:
    Frightened

    Hi&Lois:
    Flabbergasted

    Mary Worth:
    Frumpy

    Slylock Fox:
    Fishy

    Family Circus:
    Flying?

    Gasoline Alley:
    Forgot it already.

    Beetle Bailey:
    First, Lie on da fence…

    Funky Winkerbean:
    F#&ß!

    Pluggers:
    Freakishly Frugal Funeral Funnies

    Popeye:
    Freegan Foils Vegetarian! News at Elev….ZZZZzzzzzzzzz!

  137. Uncle Lumpy
    June 2nd, 2013 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean — Wait, Jessica, what? Your father is John Darling??? WHY WASN’T I TOLD???

  138. Droopy Says
    June 2nd, 2013 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    The Aquaeous Spiderman: It would have made more sense to swim to Alcatraz itself, seeing as how they couldn’t help but emerge right next to it, but then we couldn’t joke about “It figures Spiderman would swallow.”

    Funky’s Flunkies: Now we know why Myfathercommajohndarling was murdered, and it was definitely a public-service homicide.

    Funky’s Flunkies, again: Too bad John Darling didn’t live to see reality TV. It would have killed him.

    Flatulence Alley: The good die young. Therefore, GA characters are now immortal.

    Mark Trail Labrador Tea? Now we know why Mark left those two UPS pot farmers to die: he won’t tolerate competition.

    Pluggers:</b. If only we could convince Pluggers that their local funeral parlor is offering a special, this-week-only, 20% discount on funerals for suicides!

  139. Droopy Says
    June 2nd, 2013 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    Okay, why does Jessica keep going on about my-father-comma-John-Darling? Is she going to use his old-fashioned reporting “style” to highlight Frankie’s sleaze? No, that’s too straightforward for Batiuk. Is this a set-up for a go-nowhere story about early-onset dementia, with Jessica laboring to preserve her decaying memory? That would have tragic potential, if she had any memories worth keeping. No, it must be that this is part of the cruel game she plays with her husband: “You have two fathers? Well let me tell you about my father, John Darling, and my father, Funky Winkerbean, and my father, Crazy Harry, and my father, Anonymous Smirking Guy, and–well, my mom, and I’m not really sure who she is, gave me a huge choice of possible fathers!”

  140. Dale
    June 2nd, 2013 at 4:15 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#139):

    If Jessicas has only one father, the comma belongs there.

    Have they done any DNA testing to prove that Frankie is Darin’s father?

  141. Dale
    June 2nd, 2013 at 4:41 am [Reply]

    Sunday MARK TRAIL has a new style!

    The old way -
    Cherry: Look, look! Pretty flowers!
    Mark: Explains it all.

    A trick question from Mark’s old friend Slylock:
    Is the rhododendron the state flower of South Arctica?

  142. Droopy Says
    June 2nd, 2013 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#140): FW hasn’t mentioned DNA, and to prove Skank Frank’s paternity, they’d need a sample of Darrned’s DNA. Maybe the assumption is that the evil, immoral, conniving, stalking, date-raping reality-TV scam artist would never lie. Or maybe they’re just waiting for someone to buy a genotest stick from the vendos.

  143. Liam
    June 2nd, 2013 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    A3G-Lu Ann doesn’t understand because you never told her anything about your father, Marty.

    A3G 2-”Thank you, Marty. Margo is the only other person who says nice things like that to me.”

    FW-Yes. Tv has gotten terrible now let’s do jokes about how once funny comic strips have devolved into navel gazing and stopped being funny.

    JP-”Is it Lloyd’s of London your insured with? I have my breasts insured with them.”

    MW-”Don’t make me induce another heart attack.”

    MW 2-”If you don’t break up with that man Tom Harpman I’ll induce a stroke.”

    MW 3-I’m pretty sure the rest of that quote is “And I’ll bury you on that field.”

  144. Liam
    June 2nd, 2013 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley-Sadly for Walt old age is lasting much longer than he expected and every day wakes up wishing he would die.

  145. gleeb
    June 2nd, 2013 at 6:26 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Not that the fox is going to do anything about overfishing. He’d be stepping on Mark Trail’s toes if he did that.

    ‘bean: The excitement and thrill of having shouted at Frank and saying “I told you so,” to his wife are gone. Durwood now dully moves stuff around the crappy pizza joint. Oh, and he and his wife are still grousing about the evils of reality teevee, but that’s a given by now.

    Cherry Trail: Nope, can’t have Mark talking about a bunch of girly ol’ flowers.

    Phantom: Do the “rich and famous” really spend their time sailing from one African port to another?

    Dick: Sticky finger and shocking people, eh? It’s a good thing Honeymoon wasn’t on Fred Wensley’s patch.

  146. Cloudbuster
    June 2nd, 2013 at 6:36 am [Reply]

    FW: Batiuk must have thought, “Hey, let’s piss on the memory of the dead for a cheap gag, just in case there’s anybody left in the Funkyverse who the readers don’t hate!”

  147. Cloudbuster
    June 2nd, 2013 at 6:38 am [Reply]

    MT: Hey, Cherry! Way to go with the Sunday education! Cherry needs a man like a friendly bear needs a pack of villainous wolves!

  148. Old Folkie
    June 2nd, 2013 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    FW: Two weeks from Father’s Day, we are shown fathers are dicks.

    9CL: ?

    JP: OK,we’re stuck on the kidnapping plotline, so let’s go back to the wedding…

  149. Cloudbuster
    June 2nd, 2013 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    MW: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” — Rumi

    When I read that quote, the first thing I could think of is that the conversation probably continued “… and that’s where we’ll bury the body.” Then I read a bit about Rumi and discovered that he was a highly revered, respected 13th-century Persian poet, and I figured that my first instinct was probably right. Never trust a career poet. They’re terrible people!

  150. Cloudbuster
    June 2nd, 2013 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    9CL: Hideous Burber maw, followed by a demonstration of her freakish, poorly controlled strength. What’s not to fear?

  151. Cloudbuster
    June 2nd, 2013 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    Luann: She’s lucky! £5 is way more than $1.25!

  152. Cloudbuster
    June 2nd, 2013 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#151): Posters on gocomics.com who are completely missing the point. And creepy:

    “Yes, Nancy, but it’s in the right Places!”

    “She still has a good figure but she puts it down because it isn’t her firm body of age 20.”

    Yes, let’s think long and hard about Nancy Degroot and her body…. Oh God … let’s never think about that again!

  153. Lumaca Morente
    June 2nd, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#145): “Do the “rich and famous” really spend their time sailing from one African port to another?” – Yes. Yes we do.

  154. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 2nd, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    Doons: I lol’d.

    Zits: props for the art, esp the last panel.

    deadtree Candorville and NS remind me yet again why I deleted them from my bookmarks.

    PJ Dairies: having spent a good chunk of last night watching Chopped, I snurkled a bit at this. also, did Dominos pony up for the placement?

    SBp: the Geico caveman will be in touch, along with his lawyer.

    SFx: SQUID!!!! (r not fish.) Guest artist, age 7, still better than Reply All!

    Bizarro: fails at being Pastis.

    MT: I’ve been reading too much hentai. that last panel is creepy in a tentacle-action way.

    Ghost-who-GIMPS: man, that looks clipped.

    6Cx: *screams and runs from the jargon*

  155. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 2nd, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    “funky” – yeah, 70s-era ‘funky winkerbean’ probably wasn’t as good as people remember it being, either

    “retail” – ouch. though i gotta admit, i would think in this economy people would want as many hours as they could get

    “rex md” – the other end of milton’s call continues to stifle giggles

    “judge not, lest ye interfere with cash flow” – “your close personal friend judge parker *just happens* to be in africa and would make a great negotiator? uhhhhh….” meanwhile, alan parker berates his wife for packing a pith helmet instead of his judge’s robe

  156. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 2nd, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

  157. Mardou Fox
    June 2nd, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#68): RMT: This was one of the awesomest MT stories in a long time, thanks so much! I loved the raging forest fire, the bears, Shelly, Cherry shootin’ & slappin’, ALL! THANKS!

  158. Mibbitmaker
    June 2nd, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    9CL: A cute idea ruined by the Burber Teeth from Hell.

    Lio: “Uh…. hello, Adult Protective Services…..?”

    FW: “I’d also hate for Dad John Darling to see how crappy this strip has become.”

    MW: Oh, and Ma…. I got you a five-finger discount!”
    Really, nobody here (or at Comics Kingdom) has noticed this yet? Last panel. This woman needs Handi-Off (gross SNL commercial parody)! “I’M A MOOOOOONSTERRRRR!”[/Buster Bluth]

  159. John C Fremont
    June 2nd, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    MW – “Fetch me that gin, son, ‘fore I tan your hide.” – Rummy

    MT – My, Cherry’s awfully chatty today. Must have something to do with that run-in with the bear.

    FW/MW – Maybe her father John Darling and that man Tom Harpman should get together and talk about punctuation and the idiots who do not use it.

    Remember when Will Rogers, Jr. did those commercials for Grape Nuts and would often refer to “my father Will Rogers?” You could almost hear the hole where there should have been a comma.

    @Mibbitmaker (#158): OMG!! I couldn’t see it before. Now I can’t unsee it!

  160. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 2nd, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff I’ve never seen a cat ride a horse before. However, I know a DOG who used to be quite the equestrian:

    http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20081118134042/marvel_dc/images/9/90/Rex_the_Wonder_Dog_35.jpg

  161. TheDiva
    June 2nd, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    9CL: The piano backs away in horror from the gaping hellmaw.

    A3G: Well yeah, but what else is new?

    C’shaft: There’s a joke here, or at least a joke-like substance, but I’ll be damned if I know what it is.

    FW: It’s funny because…Jess either doesn’t know or is willfully ignoring the fact that her father was a scumbag too?

    MW: “I’m gonna need your answer fast, Mom, this rapid aging disease is taking its toll…”

    Pluggers can’t afford to die with dignity.

    SM: “They used to say that even if a prisoner broke out of Alcatraz, he’d never make it to shore. Of course, that was before we started running a triathlon out here…”

  162. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 2nd, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Ripley’s In his first comic book appearance, the Incredible Hulk’s argyria caused him to have GRAY skin instead of green! But he eventually changed hues when the Silver Surfer caught the ghey gray from him!

  163. Baka Gaijin
    June 2nd, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#160): Keep looking. They have a cat riding a Roomba in a shark suit on YouTube. A cat riding a horse should be nothing.

  164. Junebizzle
    June 2nd, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    No Winkerbean, Josh? Today, of ALL days? Jennifer’s father, John Darling, who was murdered…who’s also being compared to scuzzball-in-Funkyverse-world, most-appealing-and-likeable-person-out-of-ALL-of-these-dolts-in-the-real-world Frank in today’s punchline, would not approve.

  165. Ursula
    June 2nd, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    PV: A little creepy…sort of Miss Havisham..keeping the food for the wedding feast?

  166. Baka Gaijin
    June 2nd, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Comments

    Had Beth Kinley a brain, the very next thing she’d give her mother is a lovely stainless steel bracelet engraved with the initials “DNR.” *

    Apartment 3-G is the worst ripoff of Rashomon that I’ve ever seen.

    Next time this Plugger graphic runs, the caption will be, “You know you’re a Plugger if you taught your future funeral director’s grandfather.”

    Generations of inbreeding has left all Hootin’ Holler women with extremely weak Cooper’s ligaments. What else could explain the valley’s chronic saggy tits?

    Without his hat, Chelsea Cleotis Curtis looks just like Barry.

    Marvin, final panel before the censor: “Did the water just get warmer and browner all of a sudden?”

    * Do Not Resuscitate

  167. Poteet
    June 2nd, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    9CL — Run, piano, run. It’s too late for those of us who writhe and groan and lament, banging our heads repeatedly on hard surfaces, and yet can’t stop reading this wretched strip. But maybe YOU can escape. Run like the wind!

  168. Poteet
    June 2nd, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Ursula (#165): Quite creepy, I’d say. But I applaud PV for letting Val suffer some consequences for his sometimes ill-considered words and actions. If only CRANKSHAFT would do the same. Of course there’s the minor problem that if that ever happened, Crankshaft would be dead several times over. But wait, that’s not a problem!

  169. Anonymous
    June 2nd, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    FW: So that’s John Darling. Looks like a Phil Donohue clone. Once again comic strip time just doesn’t work as this is a 70s look. (Although, looking tacky never goes out of style on TV.) As for reality shows, people demeaning themselves publicly for gain is as old as the species, though it’s more honorable to do it as a full time job (comedy) than for some cheesy gifts (game shows).

    FW: Ah, yes, the glory days of quality TV–back around 1990?

    FW: “my father John Darling” Just in case you forgot, Darrin. Reminds me of the wordplay a while back. The permutation I liked best was “my john, Father Darling”. That would put some zip in a dreary strip.

    FW: C’mon Tom, give us someone in this strip to support. John is obviously a sleaze too, as his wife apparently realizes. He would probably be right on board with Frankie’s idea, and then he’d steal it.

    FW: So if Jessica knows who her father is, but doesn’t know her father, who if anyone has been her functioning father since her real father disappeared/died horribly? Enquiring minds are vaguely curious, but could probably get along just fine without ever knowing.

    9CL: The piano is either bowing or cowering. Neither seems justified. Showmen may play the piano that way; musicians don’t.

  170. Poteet
    June 2nd, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    FW — It might be mildly amusing if every character provided clarifications at every opportunity. “It’s a shame about your kid, Darrin, not wanting to play ball, Frankie, my partner in sleaze!”

    Or not. But it couldn’t make the strip much worse.

  171. KreatureFeatures
    June 2nd, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “Yes, Cherry, how well I know Labrador Tea! I scorched acres of it due to my insensible placement of the propane camp stove. Why, the residual smell of it, along with burnt tent, bear gore, and stagnant lake water still permeates our very clothing!

  172. Droopy Says
    June 2nd, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#166): Make that “Do Not Recharge.” If the artist had an eye for detail, we’d see the electrodes in Elinor’s neck.

  173. KreatureFeatures
    June 2nd, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: “Pre-need,” really? Is it even possible to make “post-need” funeral arrangements?

  174. KreatureFeatures
    June 2nd, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#173): For yourself, I mean.

  175. Anonymous
    June 2nd, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Zits: Doing that would make perfect sense to a ten year old. For a teenager it would be way too much trouble. And we’ll just quietly not think about that four inch branch three stories off the ground supporting about 300 pounds. Great image, though.

  176. A-wel Cruiz
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    The only pleasure I derive from Today’s Funky Winkerbean is the thought that Jessica will stumble on this tape of her father, John Darling, while researching her documentary and realize that no television personality is above it all.

    Spider-Man: It’s clear from this comic that our title character posses the proportional false-humility of a spider.

    Blondie: So the J.C. Dither’s company is now associating with members of Cobra? Somebody call G.I. Joe!

    Crankshaft: Jeff having no trouble lifting that air conditioner. Obviously, it was crafted of the finest magical mithril by the proud Dwarves of Middle Earth.

    Mallard Fillmore: The only one who’s education obviously failed him was Bruce Tinsley.

    Marvin: You get into a small body of water with Marvin, you should know the risks. Be thankful he didn’t drop a deuce.

    Pluggers: Pluggers know their diet will only lead to death and “dia-beetus.”

    Slylock Fox: Hurry up and name them all, kids, or Slylock and Max will surely drown. NO PRESSURE!

  177. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#167): the piano is about to leap and Bosendorfer Edda. only thing missing is the supakewt buttwiggle before the leg-humping commences.

  178. A-wel Cruiz
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#170):

    Know that Funky Winkerbean can ALWAYS be worse. I think Batiuk considers it a personal challenge.

  179. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @A-wel Cruiz (#176): ixnay on the uckDay. it’s the singular member of Josh’s Banned Strips list.

    jsyk.

  180. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @A-wel Cruiz (#178): that would explain EVER so much. :/

  181. Calico
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @A-wel Cruiz (#176):
    Yes, the Canard gets our collective blood pressure up, like Milton Avery on his conference call. In the name of good health and camaraderie, and Josh’s (and Uncle Lumpy’s!) amazing comics stewardship, we try our best not to consume duck.

  182. Baka Gaijin
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#172): Recharge, resuscitate, whatevs. Both work.

    @Anonymous (#175): You think that’s a great image? Here’s a great Zits image from the past. Warning: not a great image.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#177): I’m not sure what you’re talking about and I don’t want to know. It doesn’t sound wholesome.

  183. A-wel Cruiz
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Re: the duck. Duly noted.

  184. Calico
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Looks like Dagwood and Mr. Dithers have a Groovy Kind of Love.

    Marvin – I’d rather be in a Lovecraft story than on a cruise ship or Marvin’s pool.

    Haha, the Bloods are moving into Buckles’ neighboorhood! Haha!

    H&L – Hi lives up to his name in panel 5.

    3G – Harriet the Spy has aged in 2 weeks! That’s more than has ever happened in this strip.

    MT – lovely Sunday strip! I really like Rhododendrons, and learned something about the honey. Interesting and good to know.

    OK, Livia, you can speak now.

  185. Calico
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#169):
    TB is annoying like that.
    “My father John Darling”
    “Solo car date”
    “Reality TV show”

  186. Calico
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#163):
    One of the funniest, craziest, most impromptu things I’ve ever seen.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of2HU3LGdbo
    I also love Faireset2′s French dialogue dub on one of Texas Girly1979′s videos.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q597neXKgFk

  187. Amos Snarkadder
    June 2nd, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#158):

    I got you a five-finger discount!

    Egad! But that may explain Tom’s infatuation with Beth. And I’m not talking about her extraordinary skill with a six-string ukulele.

    @TheDiva (#161):

    FW: It’s funny because…Jess either doesn’t know or is willfully ignoring the fact that her father was a scumbag too?

    Now, I’d really like to see another sepia-toned flashback, this time of the revered St. Lisa doing something equally distasteful.

    @Baka Gaijin (#166):

    Generations of inbreeding has left all Hootin’ Holler women with extremely weak Cooper’s ligaments. What else could explain the valley’s chronic saggy tits?

    Yes, just for irony, Lureen’s wedding should include, “How Firm a Foundation” for a hymn.

  188. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 2nd, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

  189. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 2nd, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

  190. Baka Gaijin
    June 2nd, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#186): Yeah, I know about that vid. I pimped it for a week in May. A cat on a Roomba is not so unusual. A cat wearing a costume? That’s unique. Add in a duckling and dog in a costume, viral gold!

    @Amos Snarkadder (#187): Heh heh heh.

  191. Amos Snarkadder
    June 2nd, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    MT And Antarctica.

    MW “I’ll take that as a ‘No.’”

    Crankshaft Poor Jeff. He was hoping to get off cheap in trying to provide a modicum of comfort for his wretched mother. Why spend the extra bucks on tying in the home A/C system to the room addition when you can just get her a window unit? Preferably a cheap, noisy one that will drown out her complaining. Or cries for help.

  192. Amos Snarkadder
    June 2nd, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

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