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Two for Tuesday

Funky Winkerbean, 1/27/09

This isn’t just some cheesy motivational ploy; it’s very important that characters in Funky Winkerbean learn how to efficiently dig a grave.

Judge Parker, 1/27/09

“She’s probably still mad about that time that I slapped her, and then didn’t get in trouble for it, because I’m rich! Gosh, I don’t know what it is with poor people and their constant complaining. Why can’t they learn to just let things go?”

234 responses to “Two for Tuesday”

  1. Tim O\'Shenko
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    FW: Did the coach call the power company before digging? Or is he about to hit a power line and get himself electromocuted?

  2. True Fable
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    Multi-snark!

    9CL For the first time in weeks, I laughed out loud at this strip. I would much rather see Seth and Mark featured than Amos and his Hiccup Helper.
    Archie O.M.G. I liked today’s strip.
    (WT)DT Hey! Didn’t her sister get torn to death by attack dogs not long ago?
    Scenes from Suburban Hell That’s not a tuba, that’s a combination float ring/megaphone.
    JP God bless Eduardo Barreto.
    MT Mark is determined to get her inside near that fireplace. Hubba, hubba.
    Marmadick What? Who says you have to let them? Honest to God, these people just need to grow a fuckin backbone.
    MW So does this actually count as a checkmark in the Win column for Mary? Sure she meddled a little, but they scrapped it out between themselves, really. Oh I KNOW Mary will consider it a win, but I was asking for the truth.
    MC Bridget needs to come live with me!
    OBH I likee!
    PMP HA! I concurr!
    Phantom No…Mozz knows how lame your last story was without him.
    Popeye JEEZUS! What is her damage?!
    RMMW Rex is muttering romantic yearnings while holding June. I think the universe just shifted.
    SS Loweezy likes ‘em young! Ew, I just threw up in my mouth a little.
    S-M Break out the cheese, it’s Whiine Day in NYC.

  3. bats :[
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    A Tuesday observation…it’s nice that Rex’s calling is never too far away, even in his private life:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3230147931/

    And…oh, Lord…looking at 9CL, I think I know where Rex’s pirates are coming from.

  4. True Fable
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    FC Dolly wants to go to Barbie U. I say we let her; the Bratz will haze the hell out of her.

  5. Wangdoodle
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:42 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Nice to see Mrs. Wilkins is taking the disappearance of her youngest child so well… Find a lost eight-year-old or scream at the punk? Decisions, decisions…

    Luann: So, who’s gonna have to give it up for Elwood?

    Mallard Fillmore: The joke was so dull (albeit accurate, if hardly unique to the current resident), Tinsley’s gonna use it all week!!

  6. Mibbitmaker
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    I avoided a post-jump, and now don’t even have to put today’s date, 1/27, at …the …top….of…..the… –D’OH!…:

    JP: … a long time ago… If the theme to the late, great “Veronica Mars” gets invoked into your high school related storyline, you’re going to have problems (just ask any VM character!)

    FW: He can bury the last 17 years of their comic strip, too, while he’s at it — oh, make that the last 20; Ol’ Tommie was running on fumes since the very late ’80s with too much Band Candy Guy as well.

    AFKA Ben (from 3 posts ago): Well, if you take off the glasses and change the hair color of Sophie Driver’s principal/guidance counsellor/whoever, she’s the spittin’ image of Beth from NewsRadio! Especially in the close-ups.

    And… isn’t Sophie Driver an odd name, really? Sounds like a malaprop infant using a couch like a bus or something.

  7. Wangdoodle
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    #2 True Fable: No, that character was carted off scraped up but in one piece. Her twin sister appeared in the following “story” about Rock-’Em Sock-’Em Giant Robots. THIS woman (I think) is apparently an insulting caricature of the late, great Eartha Kitt.

  8. Wangdoodle
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    #7: …Whoops, of course I’m referring to the excremental DT.

  9. True Fable
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    Sophie Driver sounds like someone who is hired to shepherd a group of old dears to bingo.

  10. True Fable
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:54 am [Reply]

    # 7 Wangdoodle – I’m sure you’re right. I just saw those eyes and thought, “hey, I’ve seen those stylized cat’s-eyes before!” and naturally assumed she met some sort of hideous fate at Dick Tracy’s stubby, blood-covered hands. It’s as if you’re not a real Dick Tracy villain unless you meet a grisly death in some Darwinian fashion.

  11. wicked-witch
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:54 am [Reply]

    FW: Yes, nothing’s quite so motivational for a young athlete as watching your short, dumpy coach struggle mightily to dig a hole in sod. Let this be a lesson to you, ladies.

  12. Poteet
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    I shall now observe a moment of silence in honor of that amazing view of Abbey in the first panel.

    *silence*

    And now I shall hope that Sophie finds an effective way to bribe the artists to at least give her better hair.

  13. Soundman
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:22 am [Reply]

    9CL: So, Seth and Mark make the old “gay pirate/Jolly Rogerer” joke. Very classy. Perhaps they’ll take their act on TV. I hear that Belgian Cable Access is … accessible.

  14. Mibbitmaker
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    And now I know… the rest… of the stories[/Paul Harvey]:

    A3G: Well, she’s probably a Bush hater and Obama supporter. That would explain it, Margo.

    BBlues: For some reason, the Dick Van Dyke Show theme is running through my head. Kinda like whenever Bob Ross breaks out the Van Dyke brown paint.

    GT: However, the theme to The Sting is definately not running through my head now.

    BBailey: This is how the enlisted men become cannon fodder in the world of Camp Swampy.

    DT: I don’t know what’s more bizarre today: Dick perfectly adding to his conversation with perfume lady from quite a ways away, or the fact that, as soon as p-lady says “Big-time stuff”, I immediately flash back to Will Ferrell on SNL in that arguing family at the dinner table sketch.

    ReFOOB: If this keeps up, only Hawkeye and Margaret will be holding fort!

    MT: Well, if Ken doesn’t like an animal named Bucky being in the house all the time, for God’s sake don’t let him read Get Fuzzy!

    Mutts: Well,for the love of God, don’t let anyone from 9 Chickweed Lane hear you say that, Earl!

    MC: Between the 2 of them, they could make a big hermaphrodite realist.

    PBS: Snuffles was Ken Starr in a past life.

    The Cancerous Mind of Edison Lee: “… in Funky Winkerbean.”

    …………………………..Good day.

  15. True Fable
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:39 am [Reply]

    #12 Poteet, my queen! – I missed the sudden appearance of Abbey’s keyboard necklace in panel two due to that spectacular side view in panel one. There’s no distraction like a Barreto-induced distraction.

  16. Steve T.
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:42 am [Reply]

    Jeez, the Parkers are so nouveau. Special treatment “because we’re rich”???? How crude.

    If you have money AND class, you would rather cut your throat than speak of yourself as “rich”, even in private. It’s just too crass. My British in-laws know this well:

    DO: Be gracious and more than you seem to be. (Example: The Queen driving herself around in a Landrover.)

    DON’T: Demean yourself by waggling a bunch of bills at the bartender yelling, “Can we get some fucking SERVICE here???”

    I think I know which way the Parkers are tending.

  17. Amateur Snark
    January 27th, 2009 at 5:17 am [Reply]

    Redhead here poses many threats; in addition to being a Smouldering Temptress in a black tube top, she has the ability to conjure a necklace out of thin air. And then transform said necklace into a sepia-toned keyboard.

  18. Niall
    January 27th, 2009 at 5:30 am [Reply]

    It’s the “Middle of the night cause I don’t dare go back to sleep” edition of snark…

    A3G: My first glance of panel 1 read “St. Margo”, and it still feels more natural than the real dialogue. I think Margo is projecting.

    DT: Okay, I’m starting to think it’s not a coincidence this strip shares initials with delirioum tremens. Hey, I woke up from nightmares, keep panel 2 away from me!! Auuuugh!

    Hagar: takes over the soul-crushing sadness from Hi&Lois because…

    H&L: goes for the bizarre for once. Stick with despair, you’re much better at it.

    MT: Wait, what? Someone has a normal, rational thought and reaction to one of Mark’s patently stupid ideas? I think this is as close as this strip can get to going meta.

    Marm: You hope? Not very good in the deducting logic portion of your brain, are you?

    MW: Wow, Vera looks like she aged 20 years between panels… and gods, does that mean we finally get to the end of this stupid story? Yes, but only to start another stupid story… 4am is when I wonder why the heck I read Mary Worth at all…

    PBS: Unspeakable filth! Interspecies sex!

    Phantom: …ooooor he didn’t walk. How about that line of thought, O Clueless Ghost?

    Pluggers: Okay, it’s bad when I can recognise a repeat.

    Still up, still don’t want to go back to sleep… I hate being sleepy at 11 and going to bed early because I never, ever get a full night’s sleep, I always wake up in the middle of the night and end up sleeping even less than before.

  19. Niall
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:04 am [Reply]

    2. True Fable: You can have Bridget, I’ll take Ashley. Oh, everyone knows that already? darnit.

    5. Wangdoodle: I think you put my feelings very succintly. This may be the straw too much, that’ll make me stop reading Curtis except at kwanzaa, because the insanity is always fun. This kind of insanely stupid reaction gets beyond grating.

  20. Niall
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:05 am [Reply]

    …I’m the only one up, aren’t I? Time to try to sleep again I guess…

  21. yellojkt
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    The WinkerCoach is really burying his ‘surveillance’ footage of the locker room because he spotted Chris Hansen in the crowd.

  22. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:22 am [Reply]

    I hope they don’t miss the opportunity to sell this perfume in a Dick-shaped bottle.

  23. Patrick
    January 27th, 2009 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    It takes a special kind of teenage girl to look that smug about their own failure.

    Thank you, Funky Winkerbean, for making me hate people who don’t actually exist enough to want to hit them with fictional shovels and bury them on the grounds of a fictional high school while I look on with a fictional smug smile on my face.

  24. John C Fremont
    January 27th, 2009 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    Dear Eduardo Barreto,
    Thank you for the first panel in today’s Judge Parker. Now if you could have her dress up as the redheaded Fear Away girl to the left, I would be the happiest boy in Puppetland. Oh, and bring back Neddy, but with less clothing.

    In all sad and pathetic sincerity,
    JCF

  25. gleeb
    January 27th, 2009 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: He got taller? How does this make any sense?

    ‘bean: OK, so instead of having a band leader who’s a lunatic, Batiuk’s going with a coach who’s a lunatic. When do the waterless, hours-long wind sprints begin?

    H&J: To be fair, Herb also doesn’t go through the gin like there’s a new Volstead Act on the horizon.

    Phantom: I look forward to the Phantom hitting and torturing Old Man Mozz to find out how he knew.

  26. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    FC: Yeah? Well I’d at least be interested in seeing a USC whose school colors are blue and gold.

  27. LightningDuke
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    9CL – Now they have to have finger sex for three months of strips. Maybe a thumb for Mark.

    B.C. – Spring break in B.C… Cavemen and Animals Gone Wild?

    Luann – I sincerely hope Elwood’s little condition is impotence, since I don’t like where this is going. However, if it’s a need to reenact scenes from Saw, I might be on board.

    Momma – Momma better not let Francis get anywhere near 9CL today…

    Zits – I feel so much sympathy for Connie, right now. I too wanted to disembowel a destructive moron with a putty scraper.

  28. Little Guy
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Curtis: HA HA HA HA Implied domestic violence is funny HA HA HA HA!

    Candorville: HA HA HA HA Interracial domestic violence is funny HA HA HA HA!

    S-M: This is like watching a pair of 1-8 football teams late in the season.

    I still think the Pigeon is the mastermind.

  29. buckyswife
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    A Curtis Prediction: “Barry” Wilkins is actually “Barack” Wilkins, the secret love-child of Barack Obama and Diane Wilkins. Now that Obama is president, he’ll recognize Barry as his own, allowing him to take his place alongside Sasha and Malia. Michelle, the dutiful political wife, will grit her teeth and smile graciously, yet grimly. The Wilkins parents will acquiesce; after all, Obama is the president–and Barry was always a tattling little shit anyway.

    All will go well for a while, but then Barry will start tattling on Rahm Emanuel and dropping smug comments about the girls’ intelligence. The last straw, however, will come when Joe Biden teases Barry, and Barry runs crying to Michelle like a two year old, screaming, “Mama!” and trying to scrabble up into her arms. Michelle puts her foot down, and Barry returns to Generic Urban Area obscurity. Because he has no friends, he has no one to tell his story to, of course.

    Preposterous, you say? No more so than a set of bare-chested Three Stooges gamboling about the city in patriotic spandex.

  30. papa zita
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    9CL: Announcing the 9CL contest! Spot the number of clichés in this strip and win! Each panel is stuffed with clichés on gay life, masculinity, and even piracy. See how McEldowney takes the only tolerable couple and turns them into a (what was once termed by Pauline Kael) butch/nelly cliché.

    Judge Parker: I used to see this sort of thing on TV soaps all the time, I used to snark at them until my g/f got irritated and barred me from watching with her.

  31. AhClem
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    FW – Notwithstanding the fact that it’s winter in Ohio (where this strip allegedly takes place) and the ground is probably frozen, why is he burying his nubile teen porn videos surrounded by witnesses the team?

    A3G – Margo: “What is this ‘happy’ of which you speak?”

  32. AeroSquid
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Amber Alert ? Anyone ? Anyone ?

  33. dasein
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Is today’s B.C. a commentary on Facebook and our crazy youth’s strange social networking sites? Does Johnny’s family even know about “computers”? Have I just wasted seven seconds of my precious facebooking time thinking about B.C.??? Gah!

  34. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    It’s so damn cold here in the Upper Midwest that I can only manage to snark two or three days a week. (Not hyperbole; the computer’s in the basement.) So, grab your sticks, kids, let’s bust out the Snarksicles!

    A3G: “Well, that insufferable twit of a brother of mine hasn’t come by begging for dope money in weeks! Why wouldn’t I be happy? How is old Hash-Head, anyway?”

    Curtis and DtM: Here we see, in the faces of these two strips’ eponymous characters, the end result of two very different parenting styles.

    (WT)DT: Is that a woman’s face in panel 2 or the front grille of an Edsel? And I wonder how long it will be before the doctors remove the steel rods in her shoulders? I bet she’d really like to scratch her ass right now.

    FC: Dolly, try Mount Holyoke.

    H&L: At first I thought she said she was a “tuna mom,” and I really didn’t want to know what that was.

  35. kalki
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    9CL: Actually, that’s not so much manly or pirate as stroke victim.

    Blondie: “Oh, but you can come to the party too. You’re pretty. We can eat trail mix and braid each other’s hair. I’d also like to compare breasts. Then, I can show you the pieces of hair that I’ve clipped off my ‘boyfriends’ when they either weren’t looking or awake yet. Some of the hair is off their pubes. Can I see your pubes?”

    Crank: What the fuck is Crankers so sore about? He is getting served after waiting in line for hours. The people he makes wait behind his bus don’t get the satisfaction of being given a public service. Go fuck yourself and die, old man. Give people the opportunity to come and piss on your grave already.

    DTM: So this is how lawyers get started in life.

    CircusJerk: Insert your joke about colleges you hate here…I hope Dolly remembers to look up lesbian sororities on the internet first. Then, she’ll get all the “pink” she wants.

    FW: I don’t understand why Bull doesn’t recycle the tape and tape over the game with the girls’ shower cam like he usually does?

    Hi/Lois: Look at that “high school” sign in the background? Notice how it changed from one panel to the next and is just some bad handwriting on a white square? This cartoonist isn’t even trying anymore. He should just go all out and revert to stick figures and a little crayon for hair and clothes. I’ll bet he is pining for the day when he can just roll out of bed, tell his own home version of the AGJLU3000 a short, stupid joke and have it draw it for him. Then, he can go off to surf porn on the internet and have some cheerios.

    GA: No. This is how I would have done it…
    Corky:”Listen, Slim! The breakfast crowd is about to come in! You watched T-Bone enough to catch the routine, right?”
    Slim: “Corky…first off, don’t even call my house and wake me up unless you are fucking dying or something! Second, why the hell do you even own a restaurant if you can’t fucking cook for it yourself? Third, I brought in Gordon Ramsey and he wants to tell you something about your food and restaurant. Gordon?”
    Gordon Ramsey: “Corky, is it? Well, Corky, your food is stale and lacks ambition. You’ve just given up, haven’t you, you lazy donkey? Let’s have a look in your fridge….My god! There is half-rotten food in here and the chicken is rubbery and smells. You are going to kill someone! Shut it! Shut down the restaurant!”

    Corky’s Diner…on the next “Kitchen Nightmares”

    Luann: Here it comes…this is where Elwood whips out the thing Bernice was talking about and shows it to the girls.

    S-M: Is this strip always this depressing? Geez. When they collect these strips into a book, does it come with a complementary Zoloft prescription?

  36. Sam
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    FW: I saw Gary Williams of Maryland doing the same thing with the tape from this past Saturday’s Duke game. 85-44 Duke, ouch!

  37. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Dolly wants to go to Sweet Briar. Unfortunately for Dolly, they have standards.

  38. Malethoth K.
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: I don’t really have anything to say, I just thought it’s hilariously meta that Electro and Spider-Man are just sitting around, moaning about what losers they are and how embarrassed they are in front of the other one. Honestly, panel 2 of today’s strip is just perfect, and panel 1 is nearly as good. Electro looks so forlorn.

    Herb‘s mother-in-law is the worst person on the entire planet. Why does Bentley keep making jokes about her? She exists solely to cause suffering in Herb. Herb is a terrible person, too, but even he doesn’t deserve the continuous scorn his mother-in-law heaps upon him. The only scorn he deserves is ours.

  39. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    9CL: Seth has obviously read Barry R. Burg’s “Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition: English Sea Rovers in the Seventeenth-Century Caribbean”

    (I am not making that up. Honest)

  40. dreadedcandiru2
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Canadian Zombie: Let’s see, now. Yesterday, Elly said “At least Lizzie isn’t sick” and she’s down with what looks like gastroenteritis. Today, Elly was boasting how she wasn’t sick and she has to toss her cookies. This probably means that tomorrow, she’ll be grateful John is up and around and he’ll be violently ill. This means two things. One, the rest of the week will be like that epsode of M*A*S*H mibbitmaker mention. Two, Elly should stop talking on a forever basis.

  41. Lanfranc
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    #16 Steve T.: Crass indeed, but remember that the Parkers are Americans. They do things differently over there.

  42. johnsondelegate
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Whatever happened to that Funky Winkerbean character who had her arm ripped off in a car crash and had to become a waitress instead of going to Juilliard? I assume she survived the time jump, since if she finally slit her wrist we definitely would have seen it, over the course of many weeks. On the other hand, she’s presumably a one-armed middle-aged waitress at this point, so maybe the suicide angle is too uplifting.

  43. Donutzilla
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Frisky Widowbean: Almost missed the subtle comment about Global Warming. In the future, it will be easy to dig a hole through the soft green grass in mid-winter Ohio.

    9 Dickwood Lane: Almost missed the subtle comment about Global Smarming. Who would have thought it would arise from hiccups and cellos?

  44. kalki
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    42: If you mean Becky, she is now the school band director.

  45. Moss_Moses
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    June has the pig nose going in today’s Sex Organ, MD. I thought only her virtuous nanny Heather had the porky pig nose. Why is Rex pretending to be hetero? June knows better.

  46. McManx
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    FW — My paper doesn’t carry Funky, so I only see it in this blog. Seeing the occasional panel out of context, I don’t know what is really going on. So what is so bad in this guy’s video of his “ladies” and their “last game” that he has to bury it. I’m getting all warm inside thinking about it.

    Phantom — A man in a full leotard, an old man in a skirt and hood, and a visit to “Crocco Island”? Is that what they call a gimp sex rave in Bengalla?

  47. AsleepOrDead
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Dear Shoe,

    When telling a joke, it is acceptable to stop at the punch line. Please stop going beyond the joke; it just makes you more pathetic.

    Sincerely,
    AsleepOrDead

  48. commodorejohn
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    #19 Niall – You just better stay away from Maureen, that’s all.

    9CL – On the other hand, maybe it’s a giant misanthropist conspiracy, and the cast will worsen until no likeable characters are left.

    A3G – “You look…happy? Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?”

    AS – The thing is, this is really no more hideous than any other Hillburn human. Which is not, of course, to say it’s not hideous, because it is REVOLTING.

    Curtis – I have to admit, this seems like a perfectly reasonable reaction to me.

    HTH – Hagar The Horrible made me laugh today, in the way it intended. I’m marking it on the calendar.

    H&L – So is it a rule that any musical instrument featured in a comic strip has to be drawn badly?

    Lio – Oh, hell yes.

    Love Is… – a foursome.

    Luann – I see, now Luann has to prostitute herself. Oh, the irony. And by “irony” I mean “what the hell is wrong with you, Greg Evans.”

    MT – Okay, we know where this is going, but it’s way, way too short for a Mark Trail storyline. Any theories on how this will be dragged out to appropriate length?

    Marmaduke – Could you stop them if they were? I mean, are you going to stand up to Marmaduke!? Well, it’s your funeral…

    MC – Aw, she’s so sweet…

    Phantom – Well, it only took him a week because he had to walk all the way from Hyrule.

    Pibgorn – So Hell is an actual physical location, and it’s inside a volcano. Whatever.

    Pluggers – Pluggers are those fuckers who ride the disability cart in the grocery store because they’re too goddamn lazy to walk.

    SM – What could I possibly say about this that would make it funnier? Electro is at least as dumb as Spider-Man, who’s swinging around town while blaming chance for his failure to properly secure his camera. I can only conclude that this storyline will end when Electro walks into an open manhole or pauses to pick up a penny in the middle of a busy street.

    Edison Lee – Work the seniors! Flog them until they toil out every last cent of your mortgage payment! Faster!

  49. AmazingThor
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    A3G: “You look…happy?” Margo is guessing here because she’s never actually experienced an emotion. But her cold robot logic is getting better at faking empathy.

  50. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Luann – This extended digression into teen prostitution is certainly fun! First we hint that Tiffany can raise the $800 they need, then let us wait to find out how. Now Luann will raise $950, but she has to do a “special favor” for the greaser teen tech multimillionaire. Tune in tomorrow to find out what that favor may be!

    Seriously, this is twice in the current storyline that he has heavily suggested the money will be raised by selling one of the girls, then cleverly let that implication hang over the end of the day’s strip. It’s no accident. This is like one of those bad pornos I’ve …. heard about … where the setup just takes forever, making you want to scream …

    JUST FUCK ALREADY!!!!

  51. tb4000
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    They ever do a live action 9CL, that dude with the crazy hair and beard from Flight of the Conchords is Mark, hands down.

  52. buckyswife
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    35 Kalki, re: Blondie: See, now THAT’S weird. Just being a vegan? Not so much.

  53. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    SS: Considering where they reside, I think an empathetic “Oh, Brother!” out of Elviney would have been more appropriate.

  54. buckyswife
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    BB: I kinda like the tortured contortions of the soldiers’ faces as they attempt to choke down Cookie’s food, as if being forced to eat that meal is akin to being thrown into the fires of hell. Wouldn’t quite a few comics benefit from a bit more Hieronymus Bosch?

    SM: But the funniest sight on my comics pages today was Electro in the back of his empty truck, slumped with dejection, in that stoopid, stoopid costume. Note to Electro: You gotta have a certain swagger to pull off that look.

  55. Professor Fate
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    FW: I don’t get this – if they buried anything they should bury the coach – since last year when they were a winning team they have added what the strip says is the best player in the conference – how do you manage to screw that up on a high school level? Unless this is a early sign of brain cancer.

  56. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    I meant Loweezy. Can’t keep ‘em straight.

  57. Knockum Over Witda Pretzel
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    POPEYE: The ol’ salt won’t even know the difference.
    By the way, when was the last time Popeye was actually on the water?

  58. Muffaroo
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    A3G“You look… happy?” “Well, yes, I…” “I HATE HAPPY.”

    Cshaft – Cranky’s so unhappy about having to wait in line that now he’s determined to make the wait longer for everyone behind him by giving irascibly gnomic answers to every question.

    DTracy – Sadly, Dick’s psychic ability to carry on a conversation with someone inside a nearby building was pretty much useless for his primary vocation of killing criminals in horrific ways.

    FCircus“I wanna go to a college where the school color is pink.” Bil’s expression suggests that he knows the next thing she’ll say is that she also wants the school emblem to be a triangle.

    FWbean – Actually, “Bull,” before you dig anywhere in the Carcinoverse, you need to call “Miss Inhumation” and be sure your shovel won’t accidentally find one of the thousands of unmarked graves in and around town.

    GAlley – Let’s see. Curly hair. Pear-shaped body. Limited intelligence. Upturned nose with one nostril… Slim is Jeffy Keane’s real father, isn’t he?

    HtHorrible – A special offscreen guest shot by Plato out of Beetle Bailey today.

    H&Jamaal – Not that I’d ever do it myself, but I do get curious about how Herb manages to style his nostril hair like that.

    Luann“But there’s one little condition…” Never mind the knee pads, Luann. For this one, you’re going to need the elbow pads.

    MTrail – I’ve been thinking of Bucky as a deer, but obviously he’s a buck, because of the general rule of alliteration in naming animals.

    Marvin – Grandmother’s Textbook: Covering the kid’s eyes doesn’t help if you have your TV set to the mode where everything that happens on the screen is described by a narrator.

    S-Man – Jeez, how long before these two are sobbing all over each other in a bar?

  59. Muffaroo
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Wangdoodle @5 – If Tinsley ever uses more than one joke a week, it’s time to buy Krugerrands and bottled water and dig a big hole in the back yard.

    kalki @35 – Your Crank comment reminds me of the one about the private being abused by a mean sergeant shouting in his face. “I bet you’d just love to piss on my grave!” the sarge says. “No, sir,” says the private. “After I get out of the Army, I’m never standing in line again.”

  60. Calico
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Zits – Jeremy Duncan stars in Shawshank Redemption: The Sequel

    3G – “It’s the Prozac, Margo-you should try it sometime. It’s safer than blow, anyway.”

    FC – Two words for you, lil’ Dolly –
    Smith College

    H & L – I would be more than a little leery of sending my kid to a college preparatory institution simply called “High School”, which cheerfully proclaims its status with a bland, hand-drawn sign.

  61. AmazingThor
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Being told that my youngest son was lost in D.C., I don’t think my first instinct would be rage. I’d think maybe terror or shock. But no, their first reaction is to punish Curtis. And, time permitting, then go find little what’s-his-name.

    FC: Haha, Dolly. Girls don’t go to college!

    And note to color monkeys: Blue and gold is UCLA, not USC.

    ReFoob: Please let this be the plague.

    SFth: Why the Shemp hate? What did he ever do to you?

    Spider-man: So the new Spider-Man is pretty much the old Spider-Man only with more incompetant villains.

    Zits: Jeremy is tunneling out of his home ala Andy Dufresne.

  62. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    More comics than average are at least displaying competence today. Nonetheless.

    FW: “And those supboena’s you may have gotten in my sexual harassment suit? Yeah, go ahead and throw them in the hole too.”

    JP: “You evict a family once, maybe twice, and they just can’t be cool about it.”

    Ziggy: Aw, I can’t be too hard on Wilson making an old school Outer Limits shout0ut.

    DT: Okay, who is Margo Magee/Cruella Deville/drag queen from Shortbus supposed to be talking to anyway?

    H&L: Okay, first of all, that’s not a tuba. It’s some kind of fucked up Dr. Seuss-o-phone. Second of all, does being both a hockey mom and a tuba mom really require you to bring the equipment of one to the other’s game?

    S-M: “Wrong again, Electro!” Is it just me or is the narration box taking on an MST3K quality?

    Phantom: Mozz shaking hands with Devil goes in the “Jarring Moments of Cuteness” file.

    WofI: You live in a backwater postage stamp kingdom where the ruler tosses people into jail at will and has petty thieves beheaded. I’m pretty sure you need lawyers. And the number for Amnesty.

    SFx: “Damn, this is nowhere near Giza. I must have written those Mapquest directions down wrong.”

    PBS: What, was the censor hung over today? I’m not sure if the appearance of a three-way is intentional, but at the very least the ducks were planning a two-way.

    M-Dawg: The Winslows just barge into the neighbors’ houses and use their pool to wash the Great Dane? We were wrong about Marmaduke. He’s not just an unruly, man-eating dog. He’s a living weapon of mass destruction wielded by the Hitlers. Where’s Winston Churchill when you need him?

    Popeye: Haggy thinks that swapping Swee’ Pea for a mean android will be some big change. Apparently she’s never met Swee’ Pea.

  63. Sequitur
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Boy are we confused in the Dallas area. Dallas Morning News published today’s comics yesterday and yesterday’s comics today.

  64. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    #48 – ‘john – I was going to hackle at you a bit over Maureen, but I think actually not. I’m going to hold out hope she has a more relaxed, less snobby sister that hangs around in jeans and old Iron Maiden t-shirts. And knows how to cook.

  65. Matmaduke
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorpe: I feel really bad for this kid I’m pretty sure these kids will just push him into some deep depression, “I’m fat AND I suck at life.”

    Marvin: I didn’t realize groping someone made a noise, much less an onomatopoeic one. I learned something new today!

    Luann: Elwood’s possible conditions-
    1. Star Trek cosplay
    2. Elvis cosplay
    3. Aliens cosplay

    Herb&Jamaal: Last panel it appears as if the H&J universe is being invaded by shadowy Shoe characters! Could this be a possible crossover series? Run for the hills!!

  66. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    #58 muffaroo

    GAlley – Let’s see. Curly hair. Pear-shaped body. Limited intelligence. Upturned nose with one nostril… Slim is Jeffy Keane’s real father, isn’t he?

    Yes. After that night, Thel insisted that Bill and she stop going to key parties.

  67. Dingo
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    9CL: Is this a pirate routine? I swear, if you drop a cake in his hands, he’s doing Katherine Hepburn in On Golden Pond.

  68. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    What’s up with Get Fuzzy? Are we in reruns or is he just reintroducing a character we haven’t seen for awhile?

  69. NoVan
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    *sigh*
    Re Curtis: If your 8-year-old son were lost and alone in a city hundreds of miles away, would you be angry or frantic? Just retire already, Billingsly.

  70. Cranky
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    “You husband doesn’t want a tick-ridden disease vector curling up on your fireplace rug, huh? Tell me, does this husband of yours have facial hair?”

  71. Muffaroo
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    formerly Ben @62 – Swee’Pea: “She don’t know me vewy well, do she?”

  72. Charterstoned
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail – “I am sure that Ken won’t mind, once he sees my photos of you and Bucky (“Work it, work it!”) in the centerfold of Woods and Wildlife Magazine.”

  73. Sequitur
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    #68 cheech wizard

    In our paper it says, “The artist is on vacation. This week’s strips are reprints.”

  74. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Sequitur – Thanks. For some reason, the Freep doesn’t do that anymore – they just leave you to figure it out for yourself. Probably costs too much to print an extra line of text.

  75. Fashion Police
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Either Sam should be wearing a tuxedo or Abbey’s overdressed.

  76. buckyswife
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    75: I think that’s body paint, not a dress.

  77. nowukkers
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    #2 True Fable – re Mary Worth: YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!! Nobody but the meddle-maestro can.
    Seriously though, Josh’s FW comment resulted in my keyboard and monitor being covered in this morning’s second cup of coffee, propelled by an involuntary exhalation of same.

  78. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    61/AmazingThor – I think FC is supposed to take place in Des Moines – so that blue and gold USC is probably the University of Sioux City or sumpthin’ – I think he got an associate’s degree.

  79. Joe Blevins
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Wait, has Judge Parker become a strip about Ronald McDonald’s life as a sexy post-op trannie? And if not, why not?

    FW: Yep, always better to shamefully cover up the evidence of your mistakes than to learn from them. This strip was so boring I decided instead to count the smirks. My total: 3. Check out that smirk in the upper right hand corner of panel 2. That gal’s got a serious grinchmouth going. (I’m not sure if “grinchmouth” is on Urban Dictionary yet, but it should be.)

  80. teddytoad
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Abbey, Panel 1: “Is the blackface not working for you, Sam? Ok, ok, I’ll put on my gold-plated latinum instead.”
    Abbey, Panel 2: “Are we the petty rich couple on the boat, or the petty rich couple that get high on brownies and watch strippers die violently? Sometimes I get this weird vertigo…”
    Sam, Panel 3: “Here, Abbey, let me show you how moody shadowing is done… crosshatching, activate!

  81. Sequitur
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    FW: Out of shape Coach is gonna get a coronary from the exertion of digging. And die. Isn’t that the way of this strip?

  82. kalki
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    52. Buckyswife: I just had to carry the conversation to its logical conclusion. You are absolutely correct that being Vegan isn’t weird, but this woman’s doggy-ish features and having friends that don’t like her just scream “Fatal Attraction”. Blondie needs to screen her clients better.

    58/59 Muffaroo: And I was dwelling on your FCircus comment because it reminded me of this awful wallpaper the previous owners left in our bathroom that has pink triangles and flowers that all look like vaginas. I still can’t figure out which one–the husband or the wife picked out the wallpaper. Either choice horrifies the mind.

  83. queek
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Blondie and Candorville both go for the cheap laughs that is all the PETA/vegan community is good for. To quote Tom Allen, sometimes you just need a big ol’ stick of butter.

    Lio: win!!!

    PBS: interspecies 3-ways? Sadly, drawn by Pastis and not DeJesus.

  84. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke – No, he’s going to use it as a toilet. Now aren’t you sorry you asked?

    LuAnn – It’s not surprising that Tiffany can quickly come up with a John willing to shell out $950 to indulge his own particular little fetish. Then again, how do you think she keeps herself in all those pricey tramp-fashions?

    RMMD – Looks like Rex has asked June to wear the pig nose tonight – are they going to have sex or just make an IKEA commercial?

    P.S. I’m wagering that the donut boy turns out to be the demon spawn of Richard Simmons and Kathie Lee Gifford, doomed to eternally wander the oceans like a half-pint Flying Dutchman, only with donuts instead of the Wagner.

  85. migellito
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    I too appreciate Abby’s dress in JP, and I am truly thankful for the woman on the left in the Fear Away ad.

    This joy is all too fleeting. It is brought to ground by the repulsive teen hijinks of Luann. It is dashed by the stupidity of Curtis. (Please, for the sake of sanity, tell me they called the police hours ago.) It is crushed by the navy blue background on the USC flag in Family Circus.

  86. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    69/NoVan – I don’t think Barry’s hundreds of miles away. I get the impression the strip takes place in Baltimore.

  87. Donutzilla
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke could take a bath in Chuck Norris’ swimming pool, if he wanted.

  88. buckyswife
    January 27th, 2009 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    82 kalki–Oh, I agree completely. But I was trying to be complimentary: Your take on it was much more clever than the Blondie writers’! (Yeah, that’s not setting the bar real high, but you know…)

  89. commodorejohn
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    #64 One-Eyed Wolfdog – Oh. Oh man. If that were the case, there’d be nothing to do but duel to the death, I’m afraid…

    #86 cheech wizard – You think? I’d always figured Chicago.

  90. Sequitur
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    #86 cheech wizard #89 commodorejohn

    I always thought it was New York.

    Josh? Does Curtis live down the street from you?

  91. kalki
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    88. buckyswife: Thank you! I forgot my manners. I think I need lunch and some more caffeine.

  92. Sequitur
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    The only clue I can find as to Curtis’ home is that cartoonist Ray Billingsley is from Harlem.

  93. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Seems like Baltimore – that would explain why the boys could make a day trip to DC for the inauguration and Curtis’ parents could demand that he immediately take him back to where he lost Barry. But then, comic strips have their own notions of space-time, so who knows where they really are?

  94. buckyswife
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Curtis exists in a more urban Springfield (as in the Simpsons)–a non-place that can move to wherever it needs to be, given the exigencies of the plot.

  95. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    94 – Could be – or maybe he lives in Argo City, along with all of Superman’s relatives under the glass dome? They could pick it up and move it on a whim, then enlarge him when he emerges to visit somewhere. Gunk is probably involved somehow.

  96. Calico
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    #62 Re: FOOBblarrrrchhh
    It may be better than being a Hoseophonium Mom. Only time will tell, or so I hope.

  97. Sequitur
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    #95 That would explan the presence of Gunk.

  98. Calico
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Re: H & L too/especially – sorry!

  99. Sequitur
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Excuse me. EXPLAIN not explan

  100. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    #6 Mibbitmaker,
    Okay, just checking. I asked about WKRP because the principal reminded me of Bailey Quarters (who was actually a billing clerk turned reporter, but you never know.)

  101. Little Guy
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    65:Matmaduke:

    4. Judge Parker cosplay

  102. Poteet
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    # 15 Sir Fable MTK — Amen to what you said. The first panel is obviously an invitation to fall down and worship.

  103. blammers66
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Coach is just putting the Funkview High School motto into action: “Ingen mening i å lære av dine feil, fordi du nettopp dømt til å oppleve feil andres.”

  104. Baka Gaijin
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    #75 Uncle Lumpy YYthread:

    I want pirates, too, because the Phantom is their sworn enemy, and I want to see Rex’s face the first time he gets a peek at ol’ Stripey.

    The face in the last panel, Lumpmeiser, that’s the one.

  105. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    If she finally slit her wrist we definitely would have seen it, over the course of many weeks.

    Well it isn’t the simplest task in the world to slit your wrist if you only have one arm. I would have thought single-armedness was a greater impediment to waitressing than music. Okay maybe piano is out, but she could play the triangle.

  106. Baka Gaijin
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    I wish Dingo could do something with that picture and the song “It’s Raining Men.” It could be be bigger than “Dancing Queen.”

  107. Baka Gaijin
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: You’re a Plugger if you fall out of your misassembled recliner and cause a nationwide recall.

  108. Hibbleton
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: I think it’s all just a bad dream by Curtis. The last strip before they appear on the bus going to the inauguration is Curtis and Barry in bed together with Curtis telling his brother that he’s going to go to DC the next day without his parents’ permission.

  109. Dingo
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Maybe we can get Josman to put together a story involving Curtis and Barry at the inaugaration. It should involve a secret service agent, for sure.

  110. buckyswife
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Hibbleton, I hope you’re wrong–errrghhh, that’s the ultimate writer’s cop-out, isn’t it? “And I awoke to find that it was all a dream.” When I taught middle-school English, I wouldn’t even let my 8th graders rely on that.

  111. Malethoth K.
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Further commentary:

    I just noticed that the Houston Chronicle website carries Heart of the City and not Lio. That kind of pisses me off.

    I still get a perverse joy reading the narration box in panel three of today’s Spider-Man. “Wrong again, Electro!” Even the narrator knows how retarded the villains are.

    65 Matmaduke re: Herb & Jamaal – Actually, H&J uses the silhouette panel even more often than Shoe. Some three to six panels every week will generally feature at least one character in silhouette form. That’s how you know Bentley’s an artisté.

  112. ignatz
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Hibbleton: If you’re right about Curtis, it would mean the strip actually makes sense, and I somehow doubt that. It frequently makes no sense at all.

    And of course, an 8-year-old boy missing in Washington DC is nothing anyone would even THINK of calling the police about. We’ll just drive around the streets and hope we get lucky.

  113. Master Softheart
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    JP: No one in the comics, and I mean no one, does the lips-parted expression of slightly heated cluelessness better than Abbey. Baretto has been practicing this since since he first started drawing the strip and now he has achieved apotheosis . I know that Woody Wilson is trying to tell me something about class tension, wealth and social position in the United States, and the intergenerational transmission of status resentment in small towns. And goodness knows, next to Kit Walker’s reflections on Max Weber, legal-rational bureaucratic legitimacy, and development politics in Africa, there’s nothing I appreciate more in the comics than the Judge Parker gang offering footnotes to C. Wright Mills and E. E. Schattschneider. I mean, Judge Parker may not be peer reviewed, but it covers ethnic politics , the sociological importance of an independent judiciary , the social origins of drug crime in rural poverty , and controversial insight on the need for torture in the war on confused and vengeful Afghani women in such delightfully loopy ways that I could give a graduate seminar on it. But whatever critical insight into the contemporary social world Woody is developing today, I admit that it is drowned out entirely by the blood rushing to my ears as I look at Abbey’s perfect, troubled face. It’s all right, Abbey! You are loved and appreciated despite the fact that you are ludicrously wealthy and beautiful beyond enduring!

    Dilbert: Speaking of trenchant commentary on economy and society, today’s Dilbert shoots and scores! And trust me, lots of clueless techno-libertarians across Silicon Valley are digging out their old Mad Max videos and wondering whether a good career investment might involve joining a gun club.

    Phantom: In Panel 1, Old Man Mozz decides to ignore the Ghost-Who-Inexplicably-Owns-A-Tugboat and greet the brains of the team.

  114. Perky Bird
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    # 108 Hibbleton–
    Your comment reminded me of something annoying about Curtis (OK, one of many things that are annoying about Curtis). Why do Curtis and Barry sleep in the same bed? If they have to share a room, couldn’t they have bunk beds, at least? I don’t think Curtis’ parents are so poor that they can’t afford bunk beds. Heck, even Snuffy Smith’s Jughead doesn’t have to sleep in the same bed as Sunffy and Loweezy, and I’m sure that a chicken-stealing hillbilly makes far less than a DMV employee!

  115. buckyswife
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    On an off topic: Let me offer a fond farewell to John Updike, who was the first contemporary author I actually liked (I was the typical classics snob until my sophomore year of college–and then only grudgingly submitted myself to the joys of contemporary fiction).

  116. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    114/Perkey Bird – Sharing a bed between siblings used to be very common, and I suspect still happens more than you might suspect. But for a truly funny take on bed sharing, check out Bill Cosby’s affectionate reminiscence, “to Russel, my brother, whom I slept with,” one of the best albums he ever did.

  117. Malethoth K.
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Okay, a couple threads ago, someone linked me to an old Luann arc in which Luann asked out Elwood and blah blah blah I’ve been reading the old Luanns out of perverse fascination. But I must ask one thing:

    Who the fuck gave Gunther and Knute $1500?!

  118. Ron Rotten
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean, third panel: “There won’t be any need to bury your algebra test, unnamed faceless one. This grave should be capable of holding us all.”

  119. Stroker Ace
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Zits – The ‘Live at Bogarts’ poster is a Cincinnati shout -out. Hopefully the current Cincy snowstorm will lead to cabin fever & cannibalism storyline.

  120. Uncle Lumpy
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    #117 Malethoth –

    Hey, Knute is exactly the same character as TJ — wacky plans, squint, and all.

    Death to Knute!

  121. Malethoth K.
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    #120 – Oh God.

    Hey, guess what! In the story arc immediately prior, there was even more voyeurism!

  122. Marion Delgado
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    It’s not that Judge Parker artists can’t draw variety. It’s that Sam put his wife in Dixie’s outfit, bleached her hair, and sent her out jacked on PCP.

    Dixie Julep has a new hair color and a new man. Only she could wake Sam from his ennui.

  123. Uncle Lumpy
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    If Evans drew like Barreto, he’d be arrested.

  124. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    If Barreto started to draw like Evans he’d be hunted down and given at the least, let’s say, a quite stern talking-to by angry curmudgeons.

  125. Malethoth K.
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    I’ve also been depressed to find out that Dirk and Brad have been sparring for nearly four years, and Brad’s affections toward Toni remain unrequited. Even if a perpetually stalled romantic relationship between two losers WERE interesting, Evans, couldn’t you at least keep it to just Gunther and Luann? Do all your characters have to be locked in embarrassing sexual limbo? Only the DeGroot parents, who remain swingers even with kids, have the right idea.

  126. gh
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    S-M: I think Electro should change his name to Dejecto. He could go around trying to mope people to death. Spider Man could foil him by forcing him to watch old episodes of Blossom (now on DVD!).

    Pluggers: I think a better caption would be “The plugger lounge act.” or “Pluggers love crushed velour.” I mean, really, I don’t usually feel sorry for furniture, but I’m guessing that settee is wishing it could make a break for the landfill. How about “A plugger likes overstuffed furniture.”

    Oh, and to everyone (all 3 of you) who urged me give my aged and widowed mother a copy of my Pluggers, I did so that very weekend. And, as predicted, she was thrilled and the first thing she said she was going to do was make a copy and send it to my aged and (obviously not) widowed aunt and uncle. Except she can’t figure out how to replace the cartridge in her desktop printer. So as I feared, once she does I will be known throughout the h clan as a Plugger savant. Thank you SO MUCH.

  127. Hibbleton
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    #110 buckyswife, #112 Ignatz: If it’s not a dream, then Billingsley has either lost all touch with reality or . . . there can’t be an ‘or’; this story is nuts.

    #114 Perkybird, #116 Cheech Wizard: I also think of Cosby when I see curtis and barry in the same bed.

  128. buckyswife
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    127 Hibbleton: True, but as for the “lost all touch with reality” possibility, let’s not forget: spandex-clad 3 Stooges.

  129. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    #116 – “We had never seen the belt … but we had heard of it!”

    I’ve not heard that album for over 30 years, but I can still remember most of the bits by heart. “Stop touching me! I’m gonna tell mooooooom!”

  130. commodorejohn
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    #121 Malethoth K. – All I can say is, brain bleach. NOW.

  131. bats :[
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm…might end up more exciting than I first expected…
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3231499357/sizes/o/

  132. Sequitur
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    #111 Malethoth K.

    You can get Lio at Go Comics.

  133. gnome de blog
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Re 113, Master Softheart:

    And yet people say that Judge Parker is boring.

    Woody Wilson writes Judge Parker and Rex Morgan, MD. We’ve just been treated to a couple of weeks of June Morgan, RN in clingy spaghetti-strap cruisewear and a slinky robe. Moving on, Abbey McSweaterpuppies Spencer dons a topless, er strapless, skintight cocktail dress.

    Woody, for the sake of all that’s near and dear, please take as long as necessary to depict the good Judge’s retirement party. Don’t listen to those whiners who want a fast-paced plot.

  134. Uncle Lumpy
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Ray Billingsley may be, uh, loosely moored to the consensus construction of “reality”, but:

    a) The man can draw: some of those DC panels were great.
    b) Kwanzaaaaaaaaa. . . !

    And seriously, he’s been moving outside his established repertoire lately–we didn’t even get the “First Day of School” strip last September. So I grant him what slack is mine to give.

  135. Sequitur
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    Is that Elwood in the “I’m Rich. You’re Not.” ad at the top of this site?

  136. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    129 – Turtle heads, dad! Indivisible turtle heads!

  137. colonial
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Good points being raised about where Curtis is located. IIRC, Baltimore city schools were closed on Inauguration Day, as were DC and several school districts within the Capital Beltway, so it doesn’t make sense that Curtis missed school to attend the Inauguration. Granted, sense in Curtis happens once in a blue moon, but still..

  138. Ed Power, My Cage guy
    January 27th, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Hey kids.

    Sorry I haven’t been around in a while. I still read the site everyday, I just promised myself I wouldn’t write in until I got our website up and running so I have more incentive.

    BUT….since Sunday’s strip caused Queek and Jamus to ask if I was ok, I figured I’d better check in. :D

    Too answer Q and JTB, I’m fine. I just like dark humor. ;) Oh, and I’m a big fan of meta-humor.

    I’ll hopefully be back with a few exciting announcements shortly. Until then, the only thing I can remember you guys talking about the strip off the top of my head, was about the Sunday ‘Dilbert’ strip. Many asked who refers to us as a Dilbert-clone anymore. Let me put it this way…almost every response we get from a reader starts this way:

    “I love your strip. I didn’t read it for the fist ‘X amount of time’ because I figured it was just another Dilbert clone, but now I love it.”

    So there you go.

    Hopefully I’ll be back with those announcements sooner rather than later, but with a day job, a working wife, and 2 kids, time has a way of slipping by. ;)

    LATER!
    -Ed Power,
    My Cage guy

  139. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    48/commodorejohn –

    Pibgorn – So Hell is an actual physical location, and it’s inside a volcano. Whatever.

    Don’t forget to “favorite” the strip.

  140. UncleJeff
    January 27th, 2009 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Ed Powers!
    Thanks for the great MC strips over the past few weeks.
    You’ve really captured the reality (and humor) of a layoff situation.
    Some people actually look at the first couple of weeks of being “off work” as a kind of paid vacation. Then the reality sets in and there’s always a few different ways to go.
    Keep up the good work.

  141. UncleJeff
    January 27th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Oops, I guess it should be Ed Power (singular, not plural)

  142. CupOJoe
    January 27th, 2009 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    I’ve only been reading this site for a couple of days but already I’m starting to develop bad habits, like wanting to go read some of the strips you’re all talking about.

    When you were all talking about Ellwood, I thought you meant Ellwood from The Blues Brothers, instead that guy looks like Spike from Happy Days. Does he want the “Luann video” too?

  143. Donald the Anarchist
    January 27th, 2009 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    FW “Fuck learning from your mistakes, ladies, I’m hoping my contempt and extravagant use of tired metaphors will teach more than mistakes ever could. Plus teaching is boring.”

    JP “You’d think being beautiful and rich would be enough to make people love me. But you still love me, don’t you Sam? Sam?”(snore)

  144. commodorejohn
    January 27th, 2009 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    #139 cheech wizard – I dunno, man. I have reservations about expressing enjoyment of Pibgorn. Will it by any chance make this strip show up in a list of “people’s favorite Pibgorn strips” and help ward off potential readers before they’re sucked in?

  145. blueberrygrrrl
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    MT: From the examples of journalistic excellence we’ve heard about, it’s apparent that Mark is not writing for any mainstream wildlife publication. Seriously: a feature article about a neighbor who befriended a deer; an essay contest about why kids want puppies; a photo essay by Kelly Welly showing a bucking pack horse; others too insipid to list here. I’m pretty sure the news organization Mark is working for is actually the Lost Forest Middle School student newspaper. Next semester’s lead story: an op-ed piece arguing for soda in the drinking fountains.

  146. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    144/commodorejohn – Strictly tongue in cheek – I get so damn tired of seeing that frickin’ boilerplate that the geeks post every day. I used to enjoy reading some of the comments when the community first popped up over there but now so many of them go around with their nose stuffed up the arse of The Master/Artist/Creator it’s gotten really insufferable. And I actually enjoy Fairy Porn.

  147. commodorejohn
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    #146 cheech wizard – Ah. Given that I use my handy little viewer script, my only experience with the goComics comment boards has been visiting to find out where the hell Brenda Starr went for that one week in December. I don’t doubt your description is accurate.

    And I’d enjoy Pibgorn a whole lot if Brooke had any sense of pacing or at least some self-restraint in his habit of dragging things out with one or two-panel strips. (It wouldn’t hurt for it to be less squicky, either.)

  148. Muffaroo
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    Malethoth K. @111 – My explanation for the silhouettes in Herb & Jamaal is that whenever Bentley messes up a character’s face, he fills it in with ink.

  149. Jamus The Bartender
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    138. Glad to hear all is well, Ed.
    19, 48, et al:
    Maureen still comes over, but makes me swear not to ” tell anyone she’s sleeping with a brokey-broke”, So does Ashley, and she’ll steal my boxers to staple to the wall, ha ha, very funny Ashley. Bridget is loyal and a good girlfriend to Norm, but she does like to grab Mister The Bartender’s junk on busy Saturday nights when I can’t be sure it’s her. And, last but not least, the soon to be wedded Violet T Chihuaha keeps coming by to tell me” we’ve got to stop” …and we do. RIght after.

  150. Paul K
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Comics question

    From Today’s Philadelphia Inquirer- Letters to the Editor:
    Charles Schulz will be dead nine years next month. I don’t believe there have been any new “story lines” for “Peanuts” in that time. I was wondering when you will stop running “Peanuts,” based on your stated reason for no longer running “For Better or Worse.”
    Joseph Madden
    Glenside

    This is reference to the Inquirer no longer running For Better or Worse with the printed reason, that Lynn Johnson is not writing any more “new story lines” I know many will find that pretty funny considering this same paper carries Beatle Baily and Hagar.
    The real problem is, the paper is not running anything in it’s place. They just got rid of it, and made the puzzle section larger type.

  151. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    147 – Yeah, the pacing can be excruciating for a daily comic. But I think Brooke is drawing them with an eye to eventual dead tree publication, which may be one reason the pacing is the way it is. The last few months have been painfully slow but when I recently re-read them at a single sitting, I found that it flows pretty well.

  152. commodorejohn
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    #150 Paul K – Probably they got a bunch of complaints from senior citizens that Jumble was too small for their failing eyesight.

    #151 cheech wizard – Nah, it’s slow even by webcomic standards, even with the regular updates most webcomics don’t have.

  153. Spunky N. Tadpole
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @113 Master S.:

    Actually, It looks like the Ghost-Who-Bores has stolen borrowed Scruffy The Poacher’s boat for his little jaunt to Crocco Island – presumably he doesn’t have to worry about explaining his lack of papers, etc. to the Bangalla Coast Guard (assuming they have one) – maybe Old Man Mozz (or Devil) does the talking for him…..

  154. Bryan
    January 27th, 2009 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    Every time I say Sophie Driver, I say it like the Ronnie James Dio classic “Holy Diver.”

    Sophie Driver!
    You slapped that girl who put the glue on your seat!
    Because you’re rich girl-y

  155. Malethoth K
    January 27th, 2009 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    132 – I know, and actually the dead tree paper I still get from my parents carries Lio. I’m just disappointed that the Chronicle’s website, which has the excellent build-a-page feature, only carries Tatulli’s infinitely inferior strip.

    148 – Oh, lord, I laughed hard.

  156. Pendragon
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    I skimmed to get here but yes, Get Fuzzy is in reruns this week in case someone else said this up thread.

    Also: they say a hit song is like a three-minute novel. Today’s My Cage is like a thirty-second novel. Good stuff, like Updike on the comics page.

  157. Master Softheart
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    153, Spunky N. Tadpole:

    Ah! Of course, the poachers had a pitiful old scow that the Phantom can requisition in the name of Truth, Justice, and the Bangallan way. I was actually starting to think that Kit had developed a serious case of cool-toy-envy for Batman and was trying to build up a stable of “Phantom”-stuff. After buying the antique airplane last year (wait… does Skull Cave have an airstrip?!), it looked as though he might have bought a Phantom-boat while I wasn’t looking. It worried me to think that Bruce Wayne Envy might be getting the better of the comics page’s most anachronistic hero; glad he’s just taking stuff from poachers as needed.

    133, Gnome de Blog:

    Nah, the pacing of JP is just fine. Gunning down psychotic strippers (as of today, I am so over you, Julep), never-stated allegations of homosexuality in judicial elections, bizarre pot-growing neighbors, and the Steve Shanon terrorism and office romance plotline have all played out in the last six months. That’s a fairly breakneck pace for a soap strip. Add in the deep thoughts about the social sciences and the glorious, glorious artwork that just keeps getting better, and I am proud to call myself a fan.

  158. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    You got a foxy mama
    With her hair so red it could burn the sun (*)
    And lord, she’s ready to run
    But your daddy’s deadly,
    Deadly dull, and he leaves us bored to tears
    Hasn’t done it for twenty-three years

    Sophie Driver!
    Sophie Driver, yeah, yeah all right!

    (*) doesn’t make sense, but does so in a distinctly Dio-esque fashion.

  159. aloha_breeze
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    68 cheech wizard – Looks like we’re headed for yet another week of reruns.

  160. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    #2 True Fable, #12 Poteet Re: JP— Barreto is such a fine artist. Now if he could only give shading lessons to Graham Nolan. In today’s RMMD, June’s nose looks like something you would see on an actor made up to play a dog in an amateur children’s play.

    A3G— Fran is happy, eh? I’m sure that Margo will soon administer a very thorough cure.

    Curtis— The reason Barry’s parents aren’t too concerned for him is that they know that he is a devious, whining little snot, and they hope that they are now rid of him. However, I do hope that Barry got to snicker at Aretha Franklin’s hat before he died.
    BTW, I thought that they lived in Philadelphia.

    DT— Are there no zoning laws in Tracy’s town? Industrial chemistry labs in residential neighborhoods are pretty much forbidden everywhere. Why doesn’t he enforce the law in his own neighborhood? Maybe Tracy lives in Houston, where zoning laws are casual to non-existent.

    FC— Anyone know of a university with the initials USC that has blue and gold for its colors? It’s not Southern Cal or South Carolina.

  161. Vince M
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    9CWL – Brooke really needs to read Cory Thomas’s “Watch Your Head” – it’s recently been showing how a geek’s discovery of sex can be truly annoying for everyone else.
    And if, as I suspect, that’s the artist’s alter ego, bonus points for some quality self-deprecation!

  162. Vince M
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    129,136: …the poLICE are YOUR mother and father!

  163. Comrade Denny
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers @ 126 gh: The only time Pluggers wear crushed Velour is when they sit on the cat. Or, if they’re Gen-Xers, when they sit on their first press Pixies Bossanova.

    Popeye: So the witch has built and android. Did the incubi form a union or something? I’m glad we’re back to totally insane storylines, as opposed to the mildly insane Moon Quark storyline.

    RxMD: “… Especially since Guido and I have checked out all of the little hidden places on the ship while we … were looking for the little boy … because we saw some doughnut crumbs too … yeeeeeaaah, that’s the ticket … g’night!”

  164. Ukulele Ike
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    Vince M @162: Thank you. The turtle heads do NOT appear on For Russell, My Brother Who I Slept With. I do remember the turtle heads, and would be most delighted to find out where they did come from.

    “Some man came in here, an’ started JUMPIN ON THE BED!!!”

  165. buckyswife
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Okay, JP question: Is Sophie “Sophie Driver”? Sam’s not her dad, right? And Abbey’s not her mom; isn’t she an aunt or something who took the girls in, and then they found out they’re heiresses? Did Sam and Abbey adopt them or something after they got married? (Maybe I missed that–and yes, it’s disturbing to me that not knowing this bothers me as much as it does.)

  166. Spunky N. Tadpole
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    #160 – AEN:

    “University of Stultifying Cartoons”?

  167. commodorejohn
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    #165 buckyswife – Of course Neddy and Sophie are adopted. Did you honestly think Sam and Abbey have ever had sex!?

  168. Vince M
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    164: I remember Cosby invoking the turtle heads doing this sketch on a tv special, and am glad to know I wasn’t imagining it!

  169. Annon
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Hey, #142 – CupOJoe, you’re on a slippery slope. Soon you, too, will be commenting on….

    BG&SS Wtf happened to Loweezy’s face?? She looks like Dr. Zaius from Planet of the Apes.

  170. buckyswife
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    #167 commodorejohn–Well, no, of course not–I mean, not together. But when did the adoption happen? Sam and Abbey haven’t been married that long in comics time, right?

  171. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Q: What does Cherry’s friend Patty have in common with famed chemists Kroto, Smalley and Curl?

    A: (ROT13) Gurl nyy pevrq “Rherxn!” jura gurl qvfpbirerq ohpxlonyyf.

  172. commodorejohn
    January 27th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    #170 buckyswife – Um…you’d have to ask Uncle Lumpy, I think, but I recall it happening around the time I was ten or twelve (1995-1997,) so probably about a year in Parker Time.

  173. Heraldguy
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Regarding Abbey’s dress:

    It’s time to try
    Defying gravity
    I think I’ll try
    Defying gravity

  174. sugarpie
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    #171 OEWolfdog Haw Haw! Thanks! Much better than spending my time on another soduko or actually getting invoices completed and mailed. Rot13! Who knew? Lots of worlds out there for me to fall into.

  175. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    165/buckyswife – Neddie and Sophie are former homeless kids who were living on the street with their grandfather, who turned out to be estranged from his wealthy family and too proud to accept their assistance.
    Seems he thought starvation and squalor builds character in children, especially young girls living among winos, drug addicts, $5 hookers and pimps.

    He wasn’t too proud to accept Abby’s help (guess she had a better figure than his 87-year-old sister) and she either gave them assistance or took them in outright – there may have been some farm chores involved. Anyway, the old coot had the decency to croak soon thereafter, so Abby adopted the girls , then found out about their Dickensonian provenance later that afternoon (in JP time).

    I think the adoption might have been a factor in finally prodding Sam to the alter – can anyone back me up on this?

  176. cheech wizard
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    164/ Uke Ike – The turtle heads do NOT appear on For Russell, My Brother Who I Slept With.

    Are you sure? The turtle heads were an incident from his time sharing a bed with his brother – it was one of the things that kept waking up their dad in the middle of the night.

  177. queek
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    mmm, Dio!

  178. Chance
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    Haiku to Judge Parker

    Sexy judge’s wife
    Puts her little black dress on
    Then attaches face.

  179. Mark Jones
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    If Funky Winkerbean is set in Ohio, not only should be ground be frozen but there would almost definitely be snow on the ground, and people would at least be bundled up (knowing high schoolers, this would mean hoodies).

    I’m in Columbus, where we’re supposed to get 11 inches of snow by tomorrow morning.

  180. Uncle Lumpy
    January 27th, 2009 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    #172 cj –

    I think cheech @175 is right. I don’t know about Sam’s motivations to get with Abby, except I’m quite sure they’re nothing like my motivations to get with Abby.

    And let me say I am deeply concerned about the recent trend toward profligate use of narration boxes in Judge Parker. As right-thinking folk everywhere agree, narration boxes are properly used to signal a new day, and for no other purpose. One simply does not narration-box one’s arrival at Parkerville International Airport, or fertheluvvaheck getting ready for dinner.

    I believe this is a naked attempt by Woody Wilson to claw back strip real estate rightly claimed by Eduardo Baretto’s racktastic art. And I say him nay.

  181. Ignatz
    January 28th, 2009 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    The turtle heads were part of the “For Russell” routine, but I think it was a live version of the routine. Cosby’s routines often had variations.

  182. Ignatz
    January 28th, 2009 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    I found myself enjoying Pibgorn after going back and reading the whole archive. Before that, I was dreadfully confused.

  183. Nekrotzar
    January 28th, 2009 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    #158: Wow, you don’t see a reference to ‘Elf’ every day.

    I was going to make a Gary Williams comment, but I’m about 15 hours too late.

  184. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    January 28th, 2009 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    I’m going to level with you all here. I can’t tell the difference between Rex Morgan, MD, and Judge Parker. Maybe if I read it every day I’d remember which strip has the dishy redhead and which one has the coded homoerotic subtext. Or I don’t know, maybe that’s both of them. The whole thing reads like a dream: weren’t they on a boat? Are they visiting a high school now? Can I must the energy to care?

  185. Poteet
    January 28th, 2009 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    # 180 Uncle Lumpy — You’ve given me a very vague idea for a musical called The Racktastics. Perhaps it could consist of Abbey and June walking around onstage.

  186. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    January 28th, 2009 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    9CL: OK, maybe you know I write a comic about a committed gay couple. Here’s where I would have taken this conversation:

    Seth: And when the report suggested trouble for Edda, I loomed over him and he bolted like a rabbit.
    Mark: That was very manly of you. Take me now.

  187. Poteet
    January 28th, 2009 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    1/28

    MT — “Good, Bucky will be a celebrity!” Yes, as a mistake made by someone who doesn’t have a permit. You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you, Patty?

    RMMD — Oh, Rex…just when I think I know all your expressions, you come up with one I hadn’t seen yet in Panel Two. How I want to pinch your little cheek and push you overboard.

    JP — Migawd, Sam’s hand is, at least theoretically, actually touching Abbey’s bare neck. I’m feeling faint.

  188. papa zita
    January 28th, 2009 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo’s confused. There’s time to throw her out before she explodes.

    MW: Happy endings are supposed to end, dammit.

    Rex Morgan, Meathead Medico: Rex, you really don’t get it. You’re speculating, too. I get the chiseled features now. From the neck up, you’re pure granite.

  189. Nekrotzar
    January 28th, 2009 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    #184 I’m going to level with you all here. I can’t tell the difference between Rex Morgan, MD, and Judge Parker.

    Wait, those really are two different strips? I guess they are. I’m not sure if that makes me more or less confused.

  190. bats :[
    January 28th, 2009 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    A few humpday observations:

    FC: her worst life, Billy. Her worst life.

    JP: “And whatever you do, if you hear ANYTHING strange at all, DO NOT come upstairs. Understand, Abbey?”

    Phantom: isn’t this more like Crocco Atoll? Or Crocco Tidy-bowl?

    RMMD: argh! more talking! and not the good, dirty stuff, either!
    Still, this might help clear the air, like a fresh, sea-breeze:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3232683781/sizes/o/

  191. True Fable
    January 28th, 2009 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    BB Miss Buxley is So Awesome, she has the power to physically push aside a cloud of smoke with her hand so she can be seen.
    Curtis See? They’re going to see Barry on CNN or something, talking to Obama. Never mind that he’ll be taken from them by Child Protection Services, he’s in the company of movers and shakers and that’s the main thing.
    DtM But icicles DO come in different flavors, Dennis! For instance, the ones you and Joey have are Two-Year-Old Shingles, Bird Droppings and Soot.
    (WT)DT Hate to be picky, but shouldn’t the IS be emboldened rather than the word PERFUME?
    FC The position of Billy’s hand is in direct correlation with the smile on that cat’s face.
    Marmadick Yes, let’s all look on in horror at the carefully filed-to-a-sharp-point TEETH of the maneater.
    RMMW These people simply do NOT know how to utilize precious romantic time. Unless, of course, they are on a golf course or in a garage.

  192. True Fable
    January 28th, 2009 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    JP As possibly the biggest Judge Parker fan in the world, I must say these are halcyon days for me, when Abbey is shown at her most luscious, Sam is only marginally dickish and even seems interested in his wife somewhat, and there is finally a story that shows Sophie is no longer an irritating know-it-all prepubescent but is in fact a full-fledged teen geek who punches out cheerleaders. Good job, Woody! And as for you, Eduardo Barreto — you are stuffed full of Win.

    Place your bets on how long it will take Sam to talk to Sophie, and whether or not he and Abbey will attend the Judge’s party or if it’ll just peter out in favor of another hot-looking woman going for Sam’s goods!

  193. True Fable
    January 28th, 2009 at 3:27 am [Reply]

    Canadian Zombie The next morning his neighbor Connie saw John trudging out to his car after a poor night’s sleep on the lumpy, nasty couch that was surrounded by used tissues. It had been a exercise in futility but there was no convincing all-knowing Elly of it. He was soothed by Connie’s sympathetic offer to make him a non-cold-infected breakfast after Lawrence went to school.

    After discovering how man-hungry she was and deciding Elly was too mired in self-pity to look out the window at his car still in the driveway, John stayed at Connie’s non-too-subtle suggestion and boffed the hell out of her for half the morning. He even took the precaution to call his office and tell them his car was having trouble and he’d be in a little later. Eventually he drove to work, after Connie winked and assured him this was one little secret that would never be mentioned during her coffee klatches with Elly.

    It remained a code with them for years after that. “Do you feel a cold coming on, John?”

    “Yes, it just might be coming, Connie. I just might be coming.”

    Chuckle, chuckle. Snicker. Guffaw. Smarm.

    Elly never. found. out.

  194. Mibbitmaker
    January 28th, 2009 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    Day-of-Hump (And the hump in question is, as always, Rod Blagojevich!):

    9CL: McDowner, if this becomes another FW Les-Lisa constant-missing-each-other-fest-of-c.1994, with all the endless contrivances that entailed, I’ll…I’ll…….I’ll wish you get sucked into a Bernie Madoff Ponzie scheme! I will!!

    A3G: Oh, Margo, stop the damned melodrama theatrics, already! You’re like Mary Worth without the active meddling.

    Curtis: Okay, 2 possibilities being overlooked:
    1) Mrs. W: “…Now, THAT was the worst excuse Blago’s had yet!” Mr. W: “No kiddin’! (pause) Okay, let’s go find Barry now…” (they leave)
    2) TV Newsperson: “So, if anybody knows this little boy, please call the DC authorities. Repeating the top story: Little boy trampled to death at Obama inauguration. Stay tuned for further developments.”

    DT: So which is it? Perfume, or… perfume? It can’t be perfume, so it must be perfume. Or maybe even perfume. Naw, that makes no sense. Is it perfume, then? Maybe, on the other han– …oh, forget it! This is too easy!

    ReFOOB: Oh, great — reading this all this time, now I’m sick!* Lynn J… you know all the rotten things I’ve said about you… all the snarks, the mean stuff I did? (LJ: “Yes…?”) I’d like to get well and do them all over again! (thus endeth the great Mibbit M*A*S*H paraphrase of ’09)

    *Not really, just for the sake of the joke.

    JP: Sam-in-panel-one, will you PLEASE get OUT of the damn SHOT??! JEEZ!

    MT: OJ forgot to use the excuse from the middle panel. It’s a wonder how it took this long to get that bastard in jail!

    MW: As Lynn takes a couple of passive-agressive potshots at her father, the once-obnoxious dad is now hinding how he’s dying inside. Gee, thanks loads, Mary!

    Ghost-Who-Sidelines-As-An-Undertaker: … bin-Laden and al-Zawahiri, if there were any justice.

    Popeye: Casual visit? Really?? What’ll probably happen is: the fake Swee’Pea will keep bonking the real Swee’Pea in the head with stuff.

    RMMD: Okay, when once-doubter June finally convinces Rex their daughter isn’t crazy or a liar, who’ll be next in line to doubt Sarah? Someone else related to her?…

    S-M: Everyone’s a failure in this strip! First the superhero is a loser, then the villain is useless — now, even the narration box is getting the Glenn Campbell song all wrong.

  195. Wangdoodle
    January 28th, 2009 at 4:25 am [Reply]

    Curtis:

    Mom: “Well, I’m done screaming at this one! Has it really been three hours? Let’s go find my little baby boy!! Oh, but first, let me check the Tivo, I don’t wanna miss Dr. Phil…”

    Announcer: “This just in! President Obama caught in restaurant bathroom stall sex scandal with underaged boy!! We have our cameras trained on the young victim right now, so let’s go over to Hurp Fluffer at Boyack’s B-B-Q Pizzeria!! Hurp, is that the victim? Can we get a close-up?”

    The Wilkins: “(gasp) HO-LEEEEEEEEEEE SH!!!!!!!!%!!”

    (canned laughter)

  196. mordock999
    January 28th, 2009 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann 01/29/09

    Now, lets see:

    Luann offered to give up Her seat so Delta could go to DC but THAT wasn’t good enough.

    Now, she’ll be forced to go out on a HUMILIATING date with a geek-greaseball in order to raise money for Delta’s trip.

    Uh-huh.

    I have JUST three words for you, Luann:

    “Oh, HELL NO!”

    By the way, WHAT is Delta doing to help HERSELF raise money for Her trip?? You would think that someone who aspires one day to high political office would be learning to master the fine old art of “Fund-Raising”. Just ask the soon to be ex-govenor of Illinios…..,

    ___________________________

    DEATH to TJ!

  197. Mel
    January 28th, 2009 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    Poor Amos. All these years he thought it was his instrument…

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7853564.stm

  198. migellito
    January 28th, 2009 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    Three cheers for Ed Power! woohoo!!

  199. Little Guy
    January 28th, 2009 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    138: Now about that Melissa spinoff strip….

    Curtis: Who called it? Out with you? Barry with the O’s (and I’m not talking about Bonds becoming an Oriole)?

  200. buckyswife
    January 28th, 2009 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    FC: I don’t know how many lives Kittycat has left, but if Billy doesn’t get his hand out of that cat’s ass, it will be HIS last.

    Curtis: Those who placed their money on “Barry with the Obamas” may now come to the window to collect their winnings.

  201. buckyswife
    January 28th, 2009 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Thanks for the JP history, folks–I know they’ve referred to the girls’ former destitution occasionally, but I was never clear on the relationship between them and Abbey, much less Sam. (Abbey and Sam’s relationship, on the other hand, is pretty darned clear.)

  202. Little Guy
    January 28th, 2009 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Oh yeah….

    MC: HA HA HA Interspecies Workplace Violence is Funny HA HA HA…. hey, it actually *is* funny! Carry on, Melissa and Ed!

  203. gleeb
    January 28th, 2009 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Pigborn: Miss a deadline again, McDowner? You already played this card.

    A&J: At the last minute she cannot bring herself to smother him. If he had remained asleep, perhaps.

    9CL: How’s he going to pay for that? Lacking any cash like most musicians, Amos will use his unexpectedly strong sexual skills to barter for the ring. Same goes with the customs duty when they finally leave Belgium. Of course, this sticky “Gift of the Magi” ploy will cause another rift between him and Edda, and we’ll have to sit through that again.

    ‘shaft: Will Ed’s history of vehicular homicide (come on, he’s got to have one) endanger his CDL?

    Curtis: Boy, 8, Slays 15 Staffers in West Wing

    FC: “I wanna know what’ll happen after I hit her with a brick.”

    ‘bean: Fatty’s deliberate strategy of pulling players who are doing well is behind the team’s failure. Either someone got to him with bribes or blackmail, or he’s losing because he’s still in a snit over having to coach a bunch of cootie-bearing girls.

    GA: What Slim doesn’t realize is that this diner lingo is his ticket to freedom. Not understanding it, he can prepare anything he wants: “What? I though a ‘bale of hay and a cup of naked’ was corn flakes with mornaise sauce.”

    Spidey: The electric company drove him to this! Damn you, Con Ed!

  204. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 28th, 2009 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Take it for what it’s worth, o My Cage Powers That Be, but I definitely love the strip more when it indulges in old school Warner Brothers-style cartoon violence (she set the phone on fire, that’s awesome) and way, way less when it’s wallowing in the self-referential stuff which seems pretty played out to me.

    (My favorite strips in recent memory have been Squishy dropping a piano on Bridget and Jeff typing What is wrong with me into Google.)

  205. buckyswife
    January 28th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    I am a lineman for the county.
    And I hate my @#$*# job!.
    Think I’ll buy a van, find a bank to rob.

    I think I’ll call myself Electro.
    Buy a mask, some spandex, too.
    Yes the Wichita Lineman,
    is now off the line.

  206. sugarpie
    January 28th, 2009 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Luann: No, Luanne, it doesn’t make you cattle, but it does put you in the 98th pay percentile of prostitutes for your state.

  207. kalki
    January 28th, 2009 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    9CL: “Ok, I’m ready. You do pierce foreskins here, right??

    Beetle: “No, Miss Buxley, but you can lay down on the table. We need an ashtray. Open your mouth.”

    Blondie: Blondie is quite a sight when she is tittering.

    Crank: I guess he means the schoolkids he ran over at the bus stops. And those were probably tears of laughter.

    DTM: I don’t like where this is going. Stop looking at Joey’s crotch, Dennis.

    CircusJerk: Apparently, Kittycat likes having Billy’s thumb up his ass.

    FW: “Then, I’m bending you over my knee, pulling down your gym shorts and spanking you. It was a special request from your dad up in the stands.”

    Hi/Lois: Mommy’s latest accident makes herself useful.

    GA: Just steal from the cash register already and be on your way, Slim.

    Luann: Although there will be udder manipulation and some milking involved on this date, it in no way makes you cattle, Luann.

    You know, I can understand Tiffany whoring Luann out in an instant, but isn’t Bernice supposed to be Luann’s best friend? I know people here want T.J. dead, but I want Bernice dead too.

  208. True Fable
    January 28th, 2009 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    I’m sorry to admit that I am one of those who predicted early on that Barry would be found by the Obamas, and alleged hilarity would ensue. Frankly I hope Malia tells him she doesn’t want a brother, she bargained for a dog and by golly that’s still the only option. And then they send his ass home with a commemorative “Obama/Biden” bumper sticker plastered right across his whiny little mouth.

  209. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    January 28th, 2009 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    9CL: While Amos rhapsodizes over the “perfect” locking labia ring to give his sweetie, the poor guy in the gimp hood to the right is suffocating. Thank you, Brooke McEldowney, for making us laugh at the everyday foibles of D/s relationships. Again.

    BB: Halftrack passed out the stogies because he wanted to see Buxley crawling below the smoke layer. Mission: Accomplished!

    Curtis: “Why, it’s… it’s… a commercial for Girls Gone Wild: The Syrup Chapter! *GASP*! It really does exist!”

    thorps. What’s this, GT meets Mandrake? “Dylan Bauza gestures hypnotically, and the scorekeeper adds 10 points to Milford’s total!”

    JP: I’m usually pretty immune to the feminine charms of two-dimensional characters, but let me just say this about panels 1 and 2: humina humina humina humina humina squeeeee!

    La Cucaracha: Has actually been pretty funny this week, with its parody of “Mex Morgan, M.D. (Mexican Doctor)”.

    Luann: “Cattle”? No. But you’re on the right track with “head.”

    MW: Oh sweet Baphomet, tell me Daddy Dearest isn’t going to get involved with Cipher Woman and make a happy family, all thanks to Meddlin’ Mary. If that’s what’s implied here, I’m gonna be sick.

  210. Mooncattie
    January 28th, 2009 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    S-M:
    I am a lineman for the county
    And I hate my f-ing job
    Wish that I could dress up like a moron
    And learn to rob!

    I take it all back. I was all set to dump this loser strip after they hit the Reset Button, but now I think this is perhaps my favourite Spidey storyline ever! A lame super-hero and an equally doofus super-villain. The only thing that could top this is for the scene to switch back to the Daily Bugle or whatever it’s called, for JJJ to sit and mope Who am I kidding? My paper is a RAG! I couldn’t edit a Pud comic! I’m a loser! I wish I could fly away like that pigeon at my window!

    (And now I’ll REALLY take it all back – buckyswife beat me to it!!)

    #193 True Fable – I love your pre-FOOB alternate storyline! One of these a day will be a huge improvement to the mess Lynn is making. And in tribute to you, I will add one more line to your tale: Meanwhile, Elly was kicked in the head by a goat.

    Luann – No dear, we’re all in agreement here. You’re not a ‘head of cattle’. You are most definitely the other end. As for you, Elwood…Hot Doggies??? Nope, I’m not buying any of this drip.

    9CL – Why should the chinless pianist return home as soon as possible? Because her dancing partner was approached by a reporter? And this is all part of the romantic nuances that Brooke was hinting at when complaining about missing his own deadline? Hey, here’s some romance for you: Let’s see those sweethearts get squirted by a drive-by Manneken Pis!

  211. Lush Rhimjaub
    January 28th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    FW: What did we learn today, girls? Math is hard! So is developing athletic skills! But burying the knowledge of our failures? Sliding backward into mediocrity or worse? Refusing to acknowledge our shortcomings or grow? Heck, that’s easy! (And wittily ironic!)

  212. Hibbleton
    January 28th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: Rex goes to bed with a bluetooth in his ear? And why does he look like Sulu from Star trek in panel two?

    Shmarmaduke: Master Hitler goads the stranger to take a closer look at big dog’s teeth as a second set of jaws, ala Alien, gets ready to spring out and devour him.

  213. commodorejohn
    January 28th, 2009 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    9CL – Okay, Brooke, seriously. Enough with the Dutch angles. You don’t even use them for anything like the Batman TV series did, you just think they look cool. And you know who else thought that? Roger Christian, director of Battlefield Earth. I could point out other similarities between the two works (stilted, confusing dialogue that no human being has ever uttered, ludicrously stupid plots that depend on everyone acting in the most improbably dumb fashion imaginable,) but for now I’ll be happy if you just stop with the whacked-out angled shots.

    Agnes – I think we’re sort of supposed to sympathize with Bob, but I just can’t bring myself to relate to someone who looks like a three-months-dead Ziggy.

    A3G – “I wasn’t expecting this! She’s got some kind of insect living in her left ear!”

    AS – Dear Mr. Hillburn: if you break something over someone’s head it does not splinter DOWNWARD what are you thinking you have no grasp of basic physics you numbskull

    Crankshaft – Uh…WHAT?

    Curtis – *facepalm*

    DTM – STOP LOOKING AT ME

    DT – Um, Dick, that’s not how you use that dialogue construct. Also, I know that nitpicking the art in Dick Tracy leads only to suffering and madness, but can someone tell me exactly where the light source is supposed to be in this strip?

    FC – Actually, Billy, this is her Hell.

    FW – “Christ, what an asshole.”

    GA – Please GOD let this be cut short before we get to the “cup of naked.” PLEASE.

    GT – No, no, dreadlocks dude, carbon’s atomic number is six.

    JP – Oh baby. Nobody but nobody can sexify a boring storyline like Baretto.

    Love Is… – fixing your relationship with sweet, sweet booze.

    Luann – GOD FUCKING DAMMIT EVANS

    MF – Ah, Tinsley. Nobody can take a potentially workable joke and run it into the ground without getting so much as a single laugh like you can.

    MW – You remember at the end of The Karate Kid, when Daniel went home from the tournament, had dinner, went to the doctor and got his knee looked at, went to bed, went to school the next day, had lunch, went back to class, went home, and had dinner again? Yeah, neither do I.

    Monty – is pretty win today.

    MC – I love this strip.

    NS – God feels the need to invest in His retirement, apparently, despite being immortal and omnipotent. Or perhaps this is some sort of totemic thing, and Wiley is trying to induce the Almighty to avenge his own investments. Maybe I should give that a try; anyone have a picture of Mr. Miller?

    Phantom – It’s kind of a poor name, but “Crocco Partially-Submerged Ring Of An Extinct Volcano” was too long to fit on the maps.

    Pluggers – Pluggers are going to slave away from paycheck to paycheck until their increasingly feeble bodies finally give out on them. Ha ha!

    RMMD – Oh God, I wish I could un-see that second panel.

    SM – That’s not true, Electro. There’s one bill left in the truck, which means you made anywhere from $1 to $100. Anyway, if pathetic failure is the trigger for backstories in the new Spider-Man, we might be here a while.

    Ziggy – Ziggy is Cassandra’s owner. No wonder he’s so miserable.

  214. John C Fremont
    January 28th, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    # 209 Spider-Brick – I just checked out La Cucaracha on your recommendation. Do you think that’s supposed to be Count Morgu in the last panel? If so, that strip is officially awesome.

  215. Lettuce
    January 28th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Luann: So, the lesson we’re learning from the Firefighter calendar, the Tiffany dunk-tank and now the Luann dowery is that, in the world of Greg Evans, vague sexiness is the ONLY way to make a buck. But does it make more buck for Greg Evans?? The answer: No! The decline of newspapers means all these syndicates are seeing profits go down, down down! Just like Luann soon won’t, much to Elwood’s dismay.

  216. commodorejohn
    January 28th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    #204 One-Eyed Wolfdog – Absolutely. Not that the dialogue-oriented strips aren’t great, but you just can’t go wrong with a little cartoon mayhem.

  217. buckyswife
    January 28th, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    JP: Let’s listen in on Sam’s pep talk with Sophie:
    “Sophie, let me tell you about another girl who thought that people were being mean to her. This girl, Kathleen, didn’t stick with some punk-ass move like slapping someone and then apologizing. No, she learned to shoot, changed her name to something preposterous but sexy, became a stripper and mistress, and then killed people. So Sophie, stop wasting your money on South Asian tech support. Wait a few years, buy yourself some good-quality breasts and high-caliber firearms. And then you and Sue Ellen can revisit the situation.”

  218. papa zita
    January 28th, 2009 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    9CL: The Barry White of the bow is still in that damn jewelry store? Bah, this story is going at a Rex Morgan pace. I swear, a bunch of cartoonists are having a contest to see how much they can distend time.

  219. Charterstoned
    January 28th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker – A number of years back there was another kid who showed up at Abby’s door, went into the barn, and was never heard from again. Who was that, anybody know? Possibly Dan’s son? Is he still in the barn? I’ve been worried about him off and on for a while, since nobody in the strip seems to have noticed that he just…disappeared.

  220. commodorejohn
    January 28th, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    #217 buckyswife – I don’t think anybody in a Baretto-illustrated universe is ever going to need implants. She can use that cash for a nicer gun.

  221. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    January 28th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    JP: Panel 2 – Does her right one talk, too?

  222. Chyron HR
    January 28th, 2009 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man – A shout-out to The Electric Company? See, Quesada, this is how you return Spider-Man to his roots!

    9CL – <Gundam 00>”I’m sorry, Amos. I really am sorry. But… I can’t wear this ring.”</Gundam 00>

  223. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 28th, 2009 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    1/28

    MF: Tinsley is really going all out to prove that he’s not bitter or xenophobic.

    M-Dawg: “Oh yeah. Move your head just a little closer. Come to doggy.”

    PBS: Pastis continues to push his comic into areas of anthropomorphic sexuality not seen since Omaha writer Kate Worley passed on. I don’t envy the guard duck, who’s actually being cock blocked by a pussy.

    JP; “Just give her five minutes alone with my dead eyes and expressionless face. The mean girls at school will seem much more human after that.”

    DT: “Um, Mr. Tracy, you realize that perfume and perfume are the same thing, right? Do they just let anyone become a detective now?”

    OBH: No no no, Carly. That’s not how stalking works. You need to focus on one target at a time. How else are they supposed to know that you’re soulmates and destiny demands that you be together.

    A3G: “Nooooo! Nora… trying to engage me in coversation! Must. Escape.”

    H&J: Oh, Jamaal will be crushed when he learns that the Church has accepted germ theory and won’t perform an exorcism.

    Marvin: Sure, it’s perfectly natural for a baby to reference a FABULOUS! disco outfit that hit it big 25-30 years before he was born. Anyway, it’s a relief that grandpa isn’t wearing gold chains and a fake mustache, ‘cuz that could only mean he was watching porn.

    JP; Small mercies. He didn’t refer to bowel movements.

    FC: Did… did Billy just ask for permission to kill the cat? “Ah, just your crappy second life. You won’t miss it.”

    Momma: Mary Lou, you’re beautiful as you are. Well no, but you’re one of the less hideous people to come out of Lazarus’ pen. Your doctor friend won’t halp matters much.

    BB: Beetle was invited to Halftrack’s cigar party? Since when do generals fraternize with privates? And no, there is no way to not make that sound dirty.

    Phantom: “Eh, murderers, contractors who overcharged me. Six of one… They’re tasty shark treats now.”

  224. Amateur
    January 28th, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Ah, Cosby albums. Good times. :-) I had all my dad’s memorized by the time I was eight — though I don’t remember any turtle heads. But I don’t think Dad had “To Russell” in his collection. (I do remember the invisible snakes that were going to eat little Bill if he put a toe out of the crib.)

    #108 — He’d better not really show the Obamas. I read yesterday that Mrs. Obama had a conniption when someone designed dolls of her daughters. Billingsley might find his butt kicked right off the comics page.

  225. Spunky N. Tadpole
    January 28th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Marvin: OK, so Grampa likes to play dress-up to watch movies on television: and Gran’s advice is just “ignore” it? Hmmm… not much awareness of mental health issues in the Miller household, I see. Better get Marvin out of the room soon: Quest For Fire is the next feature!

    Zits: So the paint color “Twisted Nipple” is actually a dark-purplish hue? Ewww……

    GA: I wonder why Jim Scancarelli has decided that progressive, almost ritualized, humiliation of a character would make a good story arc? First, he’s spent a couple of weeks painting Slim as a buffoonish glutton eating a diner half out of business; now he’s setting him up to wreak more havoc on the place as the “comically-incompetent short-order cook”. Is he planning to completely destroy Slim to the point of sucidial depression? I hope so.

    Phantom: The poachers’ boat must be faster than it looks: I thought volcanic ring atolls were only found in the Pacific!

  226. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 28th, 2009 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    BSt: Thanks a bunch, but I never asked this morning to see a stream of piss that wasn’t my own.

    GA: Could someone please tell me why Corky chose Slim as his fill-in cook? In what way is Slim a better choice than a random vagrant plucked off the street?

  227. AeroSquid
    January 28th, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    BG: AW AW AW ! He’s so bodacious ! Snuffy is shootin’ himself some Rev-er-nooers and Co-eds tied to a tree.

    BB: Never mind that smoking is illegal in gov’t buildings: That scene reminds me of fire fighting training in the Navy.

    Blondie: Seriously, Bitch. Make me an economic sammich !

    Crock: Judge: Hanging or Foreign Legion. Your choice !

    Dilbert: Dilbert was part of the MS Flight Sim Team. He was SO close to developing a neural interface !

    PBS: The inter-species bath-time sex thing is freaking me out !

    Sherman’s Lagoon: Little Herman is introduced to web-porn.

  228. Amateur
    January 28th, 2009 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    #226 — Re: GA: I think it’s the Rule of Giving Job Openings to Someone the Audience Already Knows Despite the Character’s Underqualification for the Job. See also: Cameron taking over significant parts of Cuddy’s job on “House.” (Until now I thought the rule only applied to TV shows.)

  229. Matmaduke
    January 28th, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Jan 28,

    BC- FYI Scientists usually tag animals in the most non-intrusive manner so it does not affect their behavior, but I guess this strip is set in the BC so they probably just want to drown you and eat your delicious flesh.

    Beetle Bailey- Why is this funny? Is it because Ms Busty can control smoke like some kind of X-man?

    Blondie- It’s funny because Dagwood sucks at his job!

    Cathy- In today’s episode Cathy develops the power of telekinesis and moves assorted baskets of things without ever moving from the couch. Oh, and those “Unprinted Photo Discs” are probably all scratched because you didn’t store them correctly, so task ACCOMPLISHED!

    Crankshaft- CONSTIPATION/SPIKED STOOL IS HILARIOUS!!

    Curtis: Oh my GOD! There’s a SALE on drapes!

    Dennis: They do Dennis, dirt, misc roof buildup, and bird droppings…ENJOY!

    Dick Tracy: Is it perfume or PERFUME! What?

    Family Circus: You named your cat Kittycat, get some friggin imagination kid, you disgust me.

    Luann: Are you multiple people? If the answer is no than it probably would have been better to say “a piece of meat”, is that phrase under copyright or something?

    Mark Trail: Thrill as we watch Mark take a picture with Bucky the deer!

    Marm: Abandon hope ye who get to close to the gate of hell that is Marmaduke’s mouth.

    Marvin: I think he’s actually auditioning for a walk-on role on apartment 3-G.

    Pluggers: HAHAHAHAHA plugger’s will have to work forEEEEEEVER! Don’t worry, they’ll always be a place for you as a creepy Wal-Mart greeter.

    Sally Forth: I love Sally and her Halloween inspired blazer ensemble.

    Snuffy Smith: The Smith’s must have the most unsafe can opener in the world, those things look like buzz saw blades.

    Spiderman: Obviously supervillany is not for you…how about a career in Broadway, you totally have the perfect outfit.

  230. AeroSquid
    January 28th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Part Two:

    Frog Applause: It’s like a scene from SAW: 7

    Love is: To Us ! And our drunken perpetual pre-pubescent bodies !

    Acadamia Waltz: Steve Dallas had not yet honed his date rape skilz in 1978. Kitzie ?

    Brewster Rockit: Winky is man-sized SPLEEN !

    FoobRetro: John is an Asshole.

    GmG: John….I accidentally saw a video like this…in German.

    Luanne: Knock Knock. Who’s there ? Cow. Cow who ? COW MOOOOOO !

    Shaft: Bowel movements ?

    Curtis: The Obama girls have a new BFF ! Or he was found semi-conscience in a dumpster. Great situational skilz there, comic family !

  231. dale
    January 28th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Curtis

    1) Why is Diane yelling at Greg to turn the TV up? She’s a lot closer than he is.
    2) Diane is doing the “Look, I have a hand!” gesture straight from GilThorp.

  232. Muffaroo
    January 28th, 2009 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    Mibbitmaker @194 – Yes, 9CL is going to turn into a goddamn 60s French farce, with everybody tiptoeing in and out of doors on a long corridor without ever running into each other. South Park did it better.

  233. rapid turtle
    January 28th, 2009 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    DT: not to be the guy who doesn’t get the joke, or whatever, but I think the italics belong on the is, so it’s “perfume… or is it perfume?

  234. Vince M
    January 29th, 2009 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    233: I thought it went “Is it PERfume…or is it perFUME?”

    re.9CWL – I can appreciate the idea of an alternate world where the goings-on of classical musicians garner the media attention normally reserved for pop divas…the reality viz. this strip? Not so much.

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