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There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that I need to get to before I present the COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Margo is every bit as awe-inspiring and terrifying as all that. Bitch makes me bathroom, what can I say?” –Uncle Lumpy

And the runners-up! Pretty amusing, wouldn’t you say?

“I sure can relate to Ziggy today. Ha! Not really. I didn’t even bother to read it. Do they still publish it?” –PeteMoss

“Margo hates it when her roommates forget the rules. Rule 1: Every conversation in the apartment must be about Margo. Rule 2: Only Margo may initiate conversation. Rule 3: No one may look at Margo at any time!!” –AmazingThor

“So Marvin’s last name is Miller? Sadly, this is the most interesting thing I’ve ever read in Marvin.” –Amanda M

“‘Business to attend to?’ Sure, Margo. Your outfit tells us you are sneaking away to attend Maude-Con 2009, where you are determined to win the costume contest. Say hi to Conrad Bain for us.” –Joe Blevins

“Wow, I really like Cinderella Tommie. And I wouldn’t have thought there was any modifier I could use for ‘Tommie’ that would make that statement true, with the possible exception of ‘zombie.'” –Violet

Tube-of-toothpaste-cosplay is a special act that should only be practiced within the confines of holy matrimony.” –Dale K.

“Lu Ann calls from South Dakota and asks, ‘So, Tommie, whatcha doin’?’ while twirling the phone cord around her finger. Tommie says ‘Cleaning’ and Lu Ann goes, ‘Cleaning?’ and Tommie says ‘Yeah’ and Lu Ann says ‘Wow! Sounds like fun!’ and then Margo comes back because she forgot her skis and she’s all, like, ‘What the HELL are you doing on the phone? I told you to CLEAN!’ and Tommie mutters ‘Bye, gotta go’ and hangs up. Lu Ann continues to hold the dead phone to her ear saying ‘Hello? HELLO?’ for the next week and a half. The last panel is just a big cloud of dust with a bunch of stars and Margo fists and 3-D words zooming out of it saying stuff like ‘BAM!’ ‘BIFF!’ ‘POW!’ and ‘ZOKKO!'” –mojo

“I sense a hillbilly Belly Laffs series brewing for next week. Tomorrow: Another Diff’rence ’tween Gals an’ Fellers: Pull their pants down.” –Rusty

“Maybe Mr. Wilson is shrinking because every time he sees Dennis, a little part of him dies inside. Oh, wait, that’s me.” –Zeeba Neighba

“‘Last piece, Cayla?’ ‘No, thanks. There’s something unpleasant about the greasy sheen on it. Not unlike your forehead, if I’m being honest.'” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Apparently Kani hasn’t advanced far enough in his training to earn his diapers yet, so maybe he’ll be spared the trauma of returning to Mawitaan for a few more days. I recommend that he wear the diapers when he gets home, because the hysterical laughter they’ll inspire in local toughs will give him a few extra minutes to make his getaway.” –Poteet

“Montoni’s: We’re not satisfied until you’re not satisfied.” –thehollis

“‘I know the owner and can get us a good booth’ — nobody talks like that, first of all, except cartoon characters whose sentence length is dictated by the size of their speech bubbles; second and more important, it’s a PIZZA PLACE. A ‘good booth’ is one whose eating surface has been wiped down with a damp rag at least once in the last twelve hours.” –Mollie

“Phantom delivers with sexy, sexy muscular man-bodi … OH SHIT THEY’RE CHILDREN MUST GO VOMIT” –jaybrrd

Two over-muscled pre-teens, one of them in a waist-high side-slit diaper, are boxing under the watchful eye of a purple-latex-clad guy in a mask. This doesn’t so much say The Phantom to me as Jack Chick Tract About Castro Street.” –Patrick

“You know, Montoni’s weird rules are strangely reminiscent of the strip itself: Come for the teen pregnancy, suicide attempts, alcoholism, cancer, and mime deaths, stay because you have no choice in the matter.” –zooby

The cruise line is broke and the crew’s on strike. What’s next, pirates? Or will several of the male crew, including that one who works on deck 5 with the hungry eyes and lean brown thighs and the one from the dining room with the dark wavy hair and easy dimpled smile, catch me in the men’s sauna and hold me down, forcing me to satiate their bottomless lust repeatedly, violating me in unspeakable ways until we all collapse in a sweaty pile on the floor. I’m sorry June, what were you saying? Oh, right, free cruise. By the way, you missed a spot below the knee when you were shaving your right leg. Well, I’m off to the sauna.” –Cranky

“I think ‘Love Fire’ is the name of Dick’s latest poem, which, judging by his turtleneck, Dick is set to perform down at Jumpin’ Joe’s Java and Jazz. Of course, it’s all a cover so’s he can beat up Beatniks.” –Comrade Denny

ANSWER: Being a wild animal cruelly forced to wear clothes and kept in a cage, Shylock barked pitifully and scrabbled at the bars. When the Count said ‘choose wisely,’ and pushed the cookie between the bars, the ravenous fox yipped and devoured the cookie in one bite. ‘Well played,’ said Weirdly, as his demented henchman opened the other cookie, which of course had ‘no freedom’ inside it. As Weirdly unlocked the cage, Shylock ran around and around inside it, dislodging the deerstalker cap, which had never been that firmly perched on his tiny fox head to begin with.” –Marion Delgado

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