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Infinite leisure isn’t as fun if there isn’t a job I’m blissfully ignoring

Gil Thorp, 8/13/14

It’s mid-August and the summer Gil Thorp storyline finally comes into focus! It’s about how True Standish doesn’t want to go to some football factory in gross south Florida; he wants to go to one of the public Ivies, which looks like a college from an old movie! One of my cousins and her husband both went to Miami of Ohio, and they loved it; from my visits, I can confirm that it does have a classic look, largely as a result of rigorously enforced building codes that require that all buildings aesthetically match the original early 19th century structures. This uniformity has does have some weird results, particularly in huge new buildings that couldn’t actually be built from brick and mortar construction despite the appearance of their facades. At Cornell, where I went to college, buildings are supposed to look very contemporary to when they’re built, which results in an interesting aesthetic mishmosh that gives you something of an architectural historical tour as you walk around campus, even though some of the individual buildings from questionable periods end up kind of hideous (lookin’ at you, Uris Hall). Nevertheless, Miami of Ohio’s regime of strict architectural nostalgia-kitsch has managed to impress a star prospect for their 75th-ranked football program, so who am I to judge?

Judge Parker, 8/13/14

NOOOO … THE LEGAL PRACTICE THAT SAM SPENT HIS LIFE BUILDING … with the legal secretary … and the lawyer he hired, like, I’m not even going to bother looking up when but it was definitely in the last five years of real life so like three months ago strip-time … disintegrating … all he has to console him is his extremely active job of running legal interference for Judge Parker Senior and also his millions and millions of dollars … MY GOD MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN SAM

Momma, 8/13/14

Haha, highlighting the tinges of pseudo(?)-sexual jealousy in Momma and Francis’s relationship really adds to the laff factor in this strip, doesn’t it! This is a joke that’s appeared in the strip before, and I’m glad to see that, if Momma really is transitioning into some kind of greatest hits mode, the definition of “greatest hits” is “most perverse and unpleasant.”

241 responses to “Infinite leisure isn’t as fun if there isn’t a job I’m blissfully ignoring”

  1. Captain Emu Philips
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    Brevity: He’s lucky Mr. Salty Pretzel Man didn’t have him arrested for a-salt and battery.

  2. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”If Doc Ock wanted to be a hero then why doesn’t he go the route of making a mind transfer device and swap bodies with some established hero.”

    A3G-It’s morning sickness.

    A3G-”Oh, no. Help me. Tommie the former nurse is going to help me. I mean you must be a bad nurser or else you wouldn’t be here instead of at Manhattan General.”

    FW-”I don’t know about making your part bigger but something is getting bigger.”

    MT-”I thought it was Taurus in here with me.”

    Intelligent Life-”I thought it was Taurus in here with me.”

    MW-Mary has such a close relationship with a ten year old girl that there is nothing creepy in anyway whatsoever about it.

  3. Chyron HR
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    wow

    so career

    much crisis

    wow

  4. pugfuggly
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    GT It is hard to argue with sunshine, especially since the sunshine rarely argues back! Woo! I’ll be here all week, folks!

    JP ‘The law practice I spent my life building, then completely ignored to focus on a single weathly client, is disintegrating. Where did I go wro-..oh, I think I figured it out…”

    Momma Alternate explanation: Momma has finally reached the end of her days, and her life is flashing before her eyes. These, apparently, are the fondest memories she could recall.

  5. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    JP – If losing your secretary means your law practice is disintegrating, I’m pretty sure that means a big part of her job duties involved creating slip-and-fall hazards outside well-insured businesses while scattering a few business cards reading “Call Sam” around the scene.

  6. Droopy Says
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    9 Chinless Lane: No, by this point we were pretty sure we’d have the Reich wrapped up within a year. Of course we knew these morons would stay out of the way, which helped.

    Spidercan’t: Peter Parker is a rakist? No wonder he can barely scratch out a living.

    Dick Tracy: There’s a fundamental rule to comics: A story’s quality is inversely proportional to the amount of text needed to tell it.

    Family Circus: Keep stuffing him, Thel, surely there’s a market somewhere for pâte de foie gross.

    Funky Stinkerbean: And in the CME studio, the appalled crew watches a deranged Les masturbate to death. In memory of his contributions, they add “Dancing With Myself” to the sound track.

    Flatulence Alley: Anyone who tells a joke like that deserves a roundhouse right.

    Jugheaded Parker: Well, Sam, you’d have known this if you did some actual legal work instead of . . . uh, exactly what is it you do these days?

    Mark Trail: Damn it, Lori, when somebody offers you an apple, take it!

    Mary Mirthless: Olive, I’m begging you, fall out of bed and wake up!

    Phantom: Phantom, you’re beating Chatu in sight of his relatives. You know, people for whom politics and crimes-against-humanity may be a bit, well, relative. So, speaking of relatives, how is your widow-to-be doing?

    Pluggers: Modern Pluggers whittle? Reed Hoover has lost his edge.

    RM, MD: No wonder the students do so poorly after graduation. The faculty is too busy backstabbing one another to teach anything.

  7. pugfuggly
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    A3G Unable to cope with the glacial pace of the plot, Carol has decided to chloroform herself in the hopes that something more interesting will be happening when she wakes up. I wouldn’t count on it, Carol.

    C’shaft There’s a weird point where the dialogue from Crankshaft becomes indistinguishable from that Family Circus. I think there’s a life lesson in that, mainly that both thing seniors and children spew out a lot of nonsense, and that is some way humorous. To some.

    FW Nope, sorry Les. The correct answer was: ‘Maybe in exchange, you could make MY part a little bigger, eh?’ C’mon man, it’s your own fantasy! Live a little!

  8. Powers
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    GT: Miami may not be a football powerhouse, but they did produce Ben Roethlisberger. And they have a hell of a men’s hockey team.

  9. Chareth Cutestory
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: “Interesting kid. He loves football, but differently from his dad. While his dad would prefer to yell at the players to relieve some of the stress and powerlessness in his own life, this kid would rather try to hit other people as hard as he can until he hears a wet crunch. Same game, different ways of loving it. Interesting.”

    Judge Parker: Someone please explain to this wealthy person that people are replaceable, already. Its been a fun goof while it lasted but, honestly, we can’t have him getting attached to the hired help.

  10. pugfuggly
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    MT “Quick Taurus! Grab a torch! Damnnit, the snake isn’t opening it’s mouth!!! Well, I’m out of ideas…”

    MW Well, just a moment ago I would have said that the funniest thing I saw in the comics today was a lady in khakis getting attacked by an anaconda. Now I can truthfully say that it’s a child drowning. Thanks, Mary Worth.

    SM It galls you, does it Petey? Well, someone’s been reading their Word-a-Day desktop calender.

  11. Aggie Mack
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#5): “Need an Accident Lawyer?? Call 1-800-ASK-SAMI”

  12. Mibbitmaker
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Meta: Josh, you went to Cornell? Andy Bernard talks about it all the time!

    Momma: “You can get what you want and still not be happy.” — Cerebus the Aardvark (another short cartoon tyrant)

    MT: “Oh NO! Creepy porny stuff!”

    MW: Shouldn’t a child drowning be horrible? Here, it just looks laughably goofy. The little ham!

    Luann: Current Luann making fun of original Luann? Shouldn’t that be the other way around?

  13. Mikey
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    MW-
    Toby: ‘It was probably just a strange coincidence. We all know that clairvoyance doesn’t really exist.’
    Mary: ‘MmmHmm. I would absolutely agree with that if we were talking about you, dear.’
    Toby:’I..er…’
    Mary:’I’ve got to run!! Wilbur’s choking on a chicken bone!’

  14. Sean Franco
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    I am actually surprised with how bored I am with Judge Parker now that it is no longer about crime syndicate weddings and bad novel writing.

  15. Mikey
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    MT- Heyyy Ohhh!! Let the ‘python’ jokes begin!

  16. Voyage of the Oversnark
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    I have no doubt that archeo-comicologists a thousand years hence will recall Judge Parker as a dry satire of elite narcissism, as the thought that readers are supposed to sympathize with the protagonist’s ‘plight’ would seem on its face as absurd as that look of befuddled bemusement is on Sam’s.

  17. Dennis Jimenez
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    GT – Toga – TOGA – TOGA!!!

    JP – Excedrine Headache #49 – Tap Dancing on Rocky Ledge….

    Momma – I think Francis is dead – unless he rises again, Lazarus….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  18. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#6): 9 Chinless Lane: No, by this point we were pretty sure we’d have the Reich wrapped up within a year.

    Lost in the legend of how America won the war by invading France on D-Day is the fact that the Soviets were mopping up a German army three times the size of the garrison in France that summer, during the “Destruction of Army Group Center”. At the latest, by the time the Summer 1943 German offensive in Kursk ended in failure, the German soldiers knew it was only a matter of time, and that their only hope was to hold out and sue for peace.

    Let’s take our fornicators at face value that they aren’t sure how the war will end. Bill is in the US Army and assigned to a combat unit – his comrades are fighting and dying in the hedgerows nearby. Meanwhile, rather than playing his part, and doing his duty, in the liberation of France, he is hanging out in a wheat field getting his rocks off.

    At least he won’t have to be embarassed when explaining to his grandkids what he did during the 20th Century’s Great Crusade. Edda agrees with him that getting laid is the most important thing ever.

  19. gelded wildebeeste
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    JP- For someone who said that Sam was “her best friend” and how much she loves him, Gloria is really enjoying destroying his practice. Does she have a red hourglass shaped mark on her stomach?

  20. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    MT – “Quick! Tell the snake that you wrote ‘The Chambers Affair’. While it is busy praising you, we can sneak up behind and kill it!”

  21. Mikey
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    Luann- Because back then it was a cartoon, with actual cartoon characters, cartoon jokes and cartoon one liners. Now it’s just ‘Luann’.

    Pluggers- Uggh. This is like a weird, Plugger version of the Dark Crystal.

    ASM-
    Robbie: ‘Good for you! Go figure this thing out!’
    Peter: ‘Huh?! No, I literally got a job raking lawn clippings. After I get off work I’m gonna look into this Doc Ock thing. I think he may be up to something!’

  22. Mibbitmaker
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    FW: Batiuk stumbles unintentionally into the meat of the whole St. Lisa storytelling inanity…. but, no, it’s a spoiled actress who doesn’t “get” it.

    A3G: What’s the purpose of having a stupid conversational cliffhanger yesterday if it gets ignored today? Can the histrionics, blobface, it’ll just be irrelevant tomorrow.

  23. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    LUANN- Yeah, remember when the artwork in this strip was crude and amateurish, rather than the polished masterpiece on display in strips such as this?: http://www.gocomics.com/luann/2014/08/02

  24. CanuckDownSouth
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    MT: Dammit, didn’t anyone tell Judge Parker to be careful where he put that thing?

    PBS: Do any US libraries still use stamped cards? I suppose it could be an old book whose card was forgotten in the pocket when they went to computers.

  25. NFET
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    So when the characters of Judge Parker are running around the jungle fighting terrorists, I feel we barely check in on them, but when they sit around the office discussing the minutia of a law firm restructuring we need daily updates? I’m just a little concerned for you, Josh.

  26. TheDiva
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    GT: I initially read that as “It’s a college from an old movie,” which led me to think True’s choice was based on some classic sports film he found inspiring. But no, it’s just a vague longing for the days of leather helmets, beaver coats, and no minorities on campus.

    Momma: Francis’ relationship with Momma is angry, hateful, and twisted, but it’s theirs, dammit!

  27. Écureuil Écumant
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    MW: “It was the blackest night
    There was no moon in sight
    You know the stars ain’t shinin’ cause the
    Sky’s too tight
    I heard the scary wind
    I saw some you-gly trees
    There was a werewolf honkin’ ‘long the side of me…”

    Naughty Mary, on her midnight Titties and Geritol run.

  28. Écureuil Écumant
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Popeye: Yep, there goes Viper Velma … up in smoke. Vooooom! You go girl.

  29. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    @Aggie Mack (#11): Actually, it’s 888-CALL-SAM – you can hire him or one of his really ugly kids. It’s a Detroit thing.

  30. Dr. Mabuse
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Wow, that Leslie sure has some cojones on him, doesn’t he? God Herself comes to him in a vision. . . but only to beg for more attention in his luscious prose. I don’t remember Mount Sinai being like, “Moses, there’s a hand job in it for you if you make it all about Meeeee!”

    Gil Thorpe: I like to think of this as happening in real time, so that, while this kid is still yammering about how cool the campus looks, Gil is stripped down and running away.

  31. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    MW: It was in the dead of night! No one else was around! It’s just her word against mine, and I say she fell into that pool on her own! I didn’t do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can’t prove anything!

  32. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    MT – Well, Lori’s been wanting to get snaked in her tent. Be careful what you wish for.

  33. gelded wildebeeste
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    JP- If this strip was a television series, one of the rules of watching it would be that whenever someone says the name ‘Rocky Ledge’, you DRINK.

  34. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#18): In Bill’s defense, those two sex drunk adolescents are actually killing some Nazis in between bouts of pretentious banter and ravenous copulation. And what are his comrades doing? Hiding behind hedgerows? No, Bill and Sourass are way out in the plain open undressed as the day they were hatched.

    Aliens are hatched, right? Humans sure don’t act like that.

  35. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    MW – Ok, so Mary is an aspiring Borg queen and Olive is the first one she’s assimilated. That’s fine with me, as long as we get to see Mary put her head on when she gets up in the morning.

  36. Mibbitmaker
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    JP: Then, just like that, every person in America gave away 100% of their money to Sam in sympathy, making him unquestioned ruler of all the earth, the end.

    9CL: “The war will be waiting when we’re done.”
    THAT’S THE WHOLE PROBLEM WITH THIS ENTIRE FURSHLUGGINER STORY!!!

  37. Rusty
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    As a veteran of several office parks, Uris Hall would fit right in. They do have their charms (just kidding, every one of them seems to be made of some type of fast-crumbling concrete).

    Momma: I don’t want to be ageist, but it’s dog track time for this strip.

  38. Enlong
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Momma – Yes, Fancis has been seeing an Other Mother. The buttons sewn in to replace his eyes would have been a clue, if his eyes had ever been anything other than tiny black dots to begin with.

  39. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    MT: It’s the python, Chatu! I name the bears back home, so why not snakes in Africa?

    Taurus: You know, Lori, if you can yell for help, you can’t go *choke* *choke*. It’s one or the other.

    MT: Did I say “python”? Now I think it’s a constrictor. Can you look that up on the internet?

  40. TheDiva
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    9CL: Today’s McEldowney-to-Human translation:
    Brooke Martine: This plot totally makes sense! We’re caught up in the uncertainty of war and don’t know what the future will bring, so of course we want to spend as much time as possible having sexy sex!
    Bill: Guh, girl pretty!
    Martine: Silence, male thrall! Time for more sex!
    Bill: How much longer do we have to do this?
    Martine: Let’s see, it’s what, eleven months to V-E Day…?

    A3G: Must be vertigo from all that shifting scenery.

    C’shaft: It all comes back to pyromania with him, doesn’t it?

    FW: The spirit of Lauren Bacall weeps.

    MT: Is this the African safari equivalent of tripping over the garden hose and getting your foot stuck in a bucket?

    MW: “Of course, my inherent saintliness helped too.”

  41. Écureuil Écumant
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    @Enlong (#38): It’s all in the POV. Momma’s “other mothers” are simply what Pappy used to call “sister wives”.

  42. Master Softheart
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    JP: So, that answers the question: Steve has in fact been poaching Sam’s clients the whole time he was working there. And, of course, it is slowly dawning on Sam that, in fact, Gloria has been doing everything in his law practice for so long that it can’t function without her. Sam starts asking questions, and his head begins pounding and his heart racing as he realizes that he has no answers. How much money is in my client trust accounts? Whose is it? Where are the account numbers? What filing deadlines are coming up? With which courts? What confidential documents from cases are sitting around the office? Have I fulfilled my Continuing Legal Education requirements for the state bar? When is the lease payment for this office space due?

    Wait… how do I turn on our office computers? My God, what are the names of my clients?

    The magnitude of his own ineptitude revealed, Alan will be talking him down from the ledge of the building within the hour or – if his links to the international arms and drug trade and his role in a conspiracy to smuggle blood diamonds into the U.S. are revealed – jumping with him. Take a lesson from Coach Thorp, Sam: nothing in your job is ever worth being upset over, or even the slightest emotional engagement. At least you don’t have to deal with clients who cut off their own legs with chainsaws.

    Whatever else, this is definitely the most drama that Judge Parker has seen since Sam rescued Gloria from a prison in South America back in 2005. Which holds an important lesson, really: if your plots moved faster and were more memorable, maybe Gloria would still be grateful enough not to leave you like this.

  43. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    SM: Yeah, I’m going to do some raking. I’m going to ask Ock what the hell he’s doing with the millions that everyone is throwing at him. I mean, if he wanted to help the world, he’d take the already existing technology in his extra limbs and make prosthetics for amputees, for example. In fact, he could do that and get far wealthier than his myopic plans to knock off a bank or something equally idiotic. Yeah, after we lock him up someone should reverse engineer those arms and … woah, too much smarts. Need to watch TV. TV. Need TV!

  44. mvg
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    JP: You can do better in a legal secretary, Sam. Gloria can’t even discern between “council” & “counsel” — listen to her pronunciation, man!

    6CL: And meantime the German that Martine used to knock jackboots with isn’t simply walking across the field toward them with his rifle? Since they haven’t moved from the spot where he almost put Martine down? Brookie, in creatures with such a long gestation period, it’s illogical for the reproductive imperative to take precedence over the survival imperative.

    And as others have pointed out, by that point in the war it wasn’t a matter of IF the Allies would win but WHEN & at what ultimate cost.

    Crankshat: And the joke is that Crankshat’s colorblind…? Little help here?

    A3G: I’m pretty sure throwing up is not an act the majority of people “need help” to perform. Maybe Carol is still trying desperately to play the cosplay card. “You’re a nurse? OK, I’m a very ill patient. In a backless hospital gown. Oh no, I’m going to be sick! Help me! Oh, nurse, put your hand THERE… and your other hand THERE…”

  45. Jim in Wisc.
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Marcus Autrailius: This is pure, unadulterated awesomeness!

  46. Écureuil Écumant
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Northwestern’s original library — which was replaced with a Modernist “heap of cubes”-style new one while I was there –had long, narrow plan with towers on each corner. That, plus its arcade of Gothically-arched windows, earned it the snarky student sobriquet of a sow on her back with her legs in the air.

  47. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MT – I pity that poor snake when Chris gets back and lashes out in a jealous rage when he finds out it was with Lori!

  48. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    JP: You stole my practice, shouldn’t I get a fee of some kind? And continuing percentage of profits? And coffee. Without coffee, no deal.

  49. Chyron HR
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#42): Whatever else, this is definitely the most drama that Judge Parker has seen since Sam rescued Gloria from a prison in South America back in 2005.

    That’s not Judge Parker, silly. All the people in that comic are ugly.

  50. Dennis Jimenez
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#49): I think you got the alias…that she’s been livin’ under….

  51. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Shoe: So is the priest’s goggle eye stare because of the lameness of the joke, or because once it was spoken, the sky turned an apocalyptic red?

    Or did it just take several hours til just after sunset for Shoe to sober up enough for intelligible speech?

  52. White Rabbit
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    BB: It’s Miss Buxley Day again, and I don’t get it. Why is Miss B. giving the colonel a frowny, hard-eyed stare and saying sarcastically, “I’ll bet!” as if she didn’t believe him? Obviously he’s telling the truth, he really did try everything he could think of to get out of having to listen to Halftrack’s drunken blithering. The only officer who ever wants to see Halftrack is Lt. Fuzz.

  53. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: It troubles me that these people are left alone with sharp objects.

  54. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @White Rabbit (#52): See, the joke is that the general wants to talk to the colonel, but the colonel doesn’t want to talk to the general. Ha ha ha!

    Walker/Browne think that if they draw Ms. Buxley, no one will notice that there isn’t anything funny in that. I suppose she’d be really attractive in real life, but with the limited artistic skills of these dimwits, it’s like whistling luridly at a stick figure with circles for breasts.

  55. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    MT – Taurus has been guiding safaris through Africa for decades without incident. That is until this safari when some know-it-all nature writer from the other side of the pond was invited to tag along and everything turned to crap … hippo crap, buffalo crap, rotting rhino crap and now python crap!

  56. Marc
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3G- A comic strip for people with no memory, written by people with no memory, with all the proceeds going to people with no memory. Or they would, if Bolle and Shulock ever remember to ask for their checks.

  57. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @mvg (#44): 9CL: And meantime the German that Martine used to knock jackboots with isn’t simply walking across the field toward them with his rifle? Since they haven’t moved from the spot where he almost put Martine down?

    The fact that they CONTINUE to rut in the same place, over and over again, in the shadow of the corpses of the conscripts they just murdered (not in uniform = not a combatant = murderer), is reminiscent of tales of the last night of Troy, where the inhabitants refused to believe Cassandra and, ignoring all the portents of their impending death, gave in to an orgy of celebration.

    WILL SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT THEM ALREADY?!?

  58. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    MT –
    (panel #1) – “COME ON, Taurus! Betcha I can beat you in a fifty yard sprint to Lori’s tent!”
    (panel #2) – “Lori? OH NO! ” Umm, excuse me (blush-blush) … I should have knocked first!”
    (panel #3) – “Okay, okay! Call TRMT for me and tell him he wins and that I’ll stay on as a caracter at half pay!”

  59. Cra Mastercra
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    MW: Judging from the vantage point of the “camera” in Panel 1, Mary’s “close connection” with Olive appears to involve reaching for things that are set at dick level… Nope – nothing creepy here, nosir…

  60. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#40):
    Your MT comment is worthy of winning the comment of the week! :-)

  61. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MT: This storyline is definitely not sponsored by the African Safari Tourism Bureau.

    “Come on safari to Africa! Take lots of beautiful pictures—your loved ones will enjoy looking at them during your wake!”

    MW: You know, the thing I hate about musicals such as Les Mis is that they keep reprising the same damn songs over and over. But Mary, Les Mis has got nothin’ on you.

    JP: The disintegration of Sam’s business has as much import and tragedy as the disintegration of a toddler’s sand-bucket castle under a small wave.

  62. made of wince
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Momma: I’m pretty sure I can create three-dimensional models of these characters using just a little glue and the stuff that gets sucked up every time I vacuum under my bed.

  63. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    MT – Unfortunately for Lori she didn’t understand the concept of wearing a boa in a fashion sense!

  64. pugfuggly
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#2):

    A3G-It’s morning sickness.

    Oh god, I hope you’re wrong about that, but I think if a female character in a soap comic is sick, she’s either dying or pregnant. Actually, can Carol even get pregnant? I figured her kind just divided mitotically, like an amoeba would.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#61):

    “Come on safari to Africa! Take lots of beautiful pictures—your loved ones will enjoy looking at them during your wake!”

    Maybe that’s why Mark’s been very careful not to name any specific places in this whole adventure. You don’t want the government of Tanzania on your case for sullying their reputation as a tourist destination.

  65. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    MT – “DAMMIT, Lori! I TOLD you what would happen if you took a bite from that apple! Just take a good look at yourself … you feel so ashamed that you have to sleep fully dressed rather than in the nude!!”

  66. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    MT – Panel #3… Congradulations to TRMT for creating a fifth version of Edvard Munch’s famous SCREAM painting.
    (If it were up to me, TRMT, I’d give Lori that raise in pay she asked for after posing for this one!)

  67. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#66): Sorry, that was supposed to read as “congratulations”, not congradulations … apparently congraDulations are only due when someone has graDuated!

  68. Tonio
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Forget about Momma recycling old gags – I wouldn’t be surprised if the syndicate gave up and started rerunning old strips like Archie.

    As MVG noted above, it’s embarassing when a strip that’s supposed to involve the legal profession mixes up the spelling of “counsel.” Almost like Tank McNamara mistakently saying the football game was in the second period.

  69. Tallybo
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    When I saw Judge Parker in an actual print edition of my local newspaper, “counsel” was in an obvious different type, so somewhere along the line someone caught it. So glad the original “council” version slipped though somehow.

  70. Odie Odo
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#63):

    TRMT’s syndicate suggested he give Lori “Ebola” — and he thought they said “a boa”!

  71. White Rabbit
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#54): The Comics Kingdom blurb on Beetle Bailey explains that Mort Walker works really hard, and he’s been at it for a long time. As if that was a reason to read the strip! It would be hard to prove that he works hard from strips like this one, which reads like he didn’t even look at it once it was finished.

  72. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MT – Okay, lets move this story along, shall we?…
    (Twelve years later Mark finally returns home to Lost Forest for a quick fifteen minute stay for Cherry to do his laundry)…

    (Cherry): “Mark, WHY did you stay away in Africa so long?”

    (Mark)): “Umm, er, uh.. QUARINTINE! Yea, THAT’S it, QUARINTINE! They needed me over there to find a cure!”

    (Cherry): “Oh Mark, as always, you are my hero! …Well, Mark, did you dicover a cure for Ebola?”

    (Mark): “I’m not sure, Cherry. All I know is the ALL CLEAR sirens were contantly blasting and millions of people were dancing in the streets the same day they made me pack up my things at gun point as they exiled my ass on the next plane out of there. All of the news reports say no one over there has been in any type of danger since the day I left the place, so I guess that means they at least pinpointed the cause of the problem!”

    (Rusty): “Oh BOY, Mark! Does this mean you will stay long enough to take me fishing?!”

    (Mark): “Sorry, Rusty. Gotta go … Bil Ellis called and wants me to investigate a comet headed on a collision course with a small island in the Caribbean not too far from the main island!”

  73. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#70):
    And Lori said,,,”EEE-boa!” :)

  74. Brad
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Francis, you don’t ask me for money anymore… and I really wish you could because, good God, you’re still wearing bell-bottoms. Even the people who used to wear them as a kitschy, nostalgia item stopping do that 20 years ago. Get it together, kid.

  75. Joe Blevins
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    JP: Remember those old “Excedrin Headache Number ____” commercials? I think Sam has headache #63: having to hire someone to hire someone else to work for you and thus having to learn a few more people’s names in the process.

    MOMMA: My question to Francis might have been, “Did you die several weeks ago? You haven’t moved from that BarcaLounger in weeks.”

    GT: Gil’s idea of “interesting” is someone who loves football in a slightly different way than someone else who loves football. I wonder what he’d call someone who was indifferent to football. Heretic? Antichrist? Unclean one?

  76. Tonio
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    As a kid I found old paperback collections of B.C. and Dennis the Menace, and was surprised by how good these were when they started. What other longtime comics used to be excellent but are now merely zombies?

  77. lab ASSistant
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#72): So as it turned out Mark ends up being just like the evil research scientist working aboard the Russian ship in the tv series “The Last Ship” that was responsible for the deaths of more than eight billion people? …humph. THAT figures!

  78. made of wince
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    GT: “Around here, we don’t argue with the sunshine, we just try to defend ourselves by squinting really hard. Oh good, I see you got the idea already! Yep, we’re all going blind.”

  79. Odie Odo
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Cereal Killer (#y224): “Can’t get enough of that Sugar Crisp… Sugar Crisp… Sugar Crisp… Can’t get enough of that Sugar Crisp… It keeps me going strong.”

    A bear who’s always high on sugar is probably not the best role model. Just sayin’…

  80. Uncle Lumpy
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#72):

    … a small island in the Caribbean not too far from the main island …

    Has Lori taken the place of Lonnie Momjeans in Mark’s heart? And what of Lolly, Lorrie, Lottie, Lovey, and maybe Loki?

  81. Uncle Lumpy
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Tonio (#76):

    Sadly, Apartment 3-G, which was astonishing at its debut in 1963, and for several years afterwards.

    Behold.

  82. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    9CL – Forget having any concern about a not-so-good-a-shot german sniper with a broken scope… those two in the tall grass should focus on keeping an eye peeled and an ear to the ground for any stampeding buffalo herds!

  83. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#80): Not to mention LOL, Lottery* and Lolita. Oh, sorry, Lolita doesn’t make her debut until the next storyline!

    (*remember… Mark won the lottery for being picked at random by total strangers to go on an all expence paid safari)

  84. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I can’t tell if today’s strip is prattling, jabbering, codswallop, or just plain banausic twaddle.

  85. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#80): Not to mention Rusty’s girlfriend, “Lusty”.

    Come to think of it, since most women in the MT strip have a first name starting with the letter “L” WHY then isn’t Cherry named “Larry”? …We should ask TRMT.

  86. Buddy Epsonsalts
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#73):
    “EEE- doggies!”

  87. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    MT- What did I do to deserve such a fate?
    I didn’t really want to get involved in this thing
    Someone handed me this gun and I
    I gave it everything
    Yeah, I gave it everything

    Very nice, Lori – but you need to fix your eyeshadow first.

  88. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#79): Sugar Bear was originally THREE bears. And there was even a comic strip:

    http://www.lavasurfer.com/cereal-post.html

  89. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#87):

    “Good try with the make-up and props, Lori … but sorry, an Alice Cooper or Ozzi Osbourne you are not!”

  90. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#88): Comic strip? Hell, there was a half-hour cartoon show for a couple of years in the 60s that featured all the Post cartoon mascots. “Linus the Lion-Hearted” was just about the last straw for parents and finally led to Congress enacting some restrictions on advertising aimed at children.

  91. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: I did not see that coming. Good one, Mr. Allen! My tenterhooks are wearing out from all the anticipatory time I’m spending on them.

  92. Odie Odo
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#80): Don’t forget Lukey from “Snuffy Smith.” (Mark likes to keep his options open…)

  93. Shrug
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#4):

    “GT It is hard to argue with sunshine, especially since the sunshine rarely argues back! Woo! I’ll be here all week, folks!”

    Haven’t seen it for fifty years or so, but I’m pretty sure I remember the Sun arguing with the humans in OUR MR. SUN:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Mr._Sun

    But I suppose once every fifty or sixty years counts as “rarely.”

  94. Shrug
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Dr. Mabuse (#30):

    COTW nominee for the FW mental image alone….

  95. Shrug
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Enlong (#38):

    I Neal in honor of your snark.

  96. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#88): Sugar Bear was eventually replaced by Diabetic Coma Bear.

  97. David
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    “Like [a] college in an old movie” If by old you mean 1991, which is when they filmed “Little Man Tate” in and around campus. I grew up there, and I can say that what impressed him was probably not the football program, but the ridiculous numbers of bikini-clad college girls who sunbathe on every open lawn when the weather is warm.

  98. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#96): Sugar Crisp became Super Sugar Crisp. Then, when they had had enough of Super Sugar Crisp, it became Super Golden Crisp, and is now merely Golden Crisp.

    Next up: “Breakfast Food #112″, with a Bear on the box along with a disclaimer that the box cover featurs professional animal trainers and that nobody at home should try to feed the bears.

  99. casino LF
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#3): Aw, I made a similar comment on the comic’s page and no one upvoted it. D:

  100. Vince M
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#90): Which is a pity in this case, ’cause it was pretty good, with some great voice talent, what with Sheldon Leonard, Carl Reiner, Ruth Buzzi, Jonathan Winters…

  101. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Vince M (#100): Oh, I loved the show. It was my parents who hated it. You have to admit, building a Saturday-morning children’s show around corporate product mascots is pretty evil, regardless of how loveable those characters may be.

  102. Garf Vader
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    The real beauty of these rerun “Momma” strips isn’t the fact that they are clearly exact copies where the last digit of the date has been whited out and scrawled over in pen, but that by drawing my attention to the oft-neglected bottom gutter, this hasty editing has made me realize Mell Lazarus has “kpop3@aol.com as his email address, suggesting he’s a fan of Korean pop music from way back

  103. Écureuil Écumant
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#81): I also beheld this: “Veteran comic artist Frank Bolle was called to draw Apartment 3-G until its demise. Though a shadow of what it was, this classic strip still endured and was distributed to more than one hundred newspapers across the country at the time of cancellation.

    This would actually explain quite a lot. The undead populate this strip now, along with transparent blue sprites and an occasional Bambi or unicorn for a bit of comic relief. BLEAT!

  104. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    FW: Yeah, Les, Dead St. Lisa was really a spoiled, oversexual actress. I totally understand this daydream.

  105. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    JP: Steve is going to be Rocky’s corporate lawyer, and Sam is going to handle Alan Parker. So what about all the other clients?

    If, for instance, hypothetically, there were other clients.

  106. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: Quick, Taurus, get me a torch! Taurus? Where’d you go?

    Taurus: I’m here, on the lorry.

    MT: The truck?

    Taurus: I’m from England. We call it a lorry. What are you doing in Ms. Tompkins’ tent?

  107. Malice Acher
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Apparently McEldowney believes that there’s no better masturbation fuel than a barely pubescent girl playing dead. I dread how he’ll portray Juliet when she wakes up and kills herself for real.

  108. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#82): Cape buffalo, or American buffalo? Or, since they’re in France, maybe “le befleu”?

    Of course, we forget that they’re in France, due to the absence of t-shirts that spell out “FRANCE”.

  109. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    JP -This week’s developments have actually been set up for a while now. In the Dixie Juliep storyline, Sam was sent to negotiate the advance for Judge Parker’s next book, and we spent several strips showing Gloria putting the actual contract together – aka doing the actual legal work. Sam’s contribution was to fly to Arizona, play golf with the lawyer for the publisher, get him to sign a $100,000 check based on a golf bet, and then watch him be shot with a high-powered rifle (any chance Dixie can find a time machine and travel back to 1944 France? Brooke would love her, even if she went on a killing spree and took out every Burber progeny she could find rutting in a field somewhere).

    The same for the Chambers Affair movie deal. We explicitly showed Sam walking into his office cold, then having Gloria do the contract work using google and simply handing him the finished product. Sam’s contribution, again, was to have the high-powered super-negotiator who the movie production company flew in specifically to negotiate the contract sign it on the runway without reading it first, because he trusts Sam instantly, and then go fishing with him.

    So, this is a rare instance of the strip hinting at something and then actually following up on it. I’d always wondered why they deliberately showed us that Sam does no actual legal work but merely shows up with a contract and comes home with the check.

  110. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Mandrake: How about that shark?

    Futureama Lady: The shark naturally breathes in the water. Are you a moron, Mr. Mandrake?

  111. Cloudbuster
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#6): No wonder the students do so poorly after graduation. The faculty is too busy backstabbing one another to teach anything.

    And people say RMMD isn’t realistic!

  112. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Malice Acher (#107): PIB – He could have taken the same artistic license that he did with Romeo and made her of-age.

    (I know, thanks to this board, that the ‘original’ Romeo was supposed to be older than Juliet. Here, Brooke alternates between making him less mature than her (for the sex scenes, of course), and making him seem to be in his 30s when it is time for him to sit around the cafe drinking and smoking.)

    Instead, with Juliet he alternates between scenes of her sitting on her bed with a teddy bear, and scenes of her wearing sexxxy lingerie that covers at little as possible of Brooke’s favorite parts.

    I suspect that, if Brooke is aware of anything from pop culture that happened less than 50 years ago, he has multiple copies of Britney Spears’ first Rolling Stone cover shoot lying around – just in case one copy happens to get soiled somehow.

  113. Amos Snarkadder
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#104):

    FW: Yeah, Les, Dead St. Lisa was really a spoiled, oversexual actress. I totally understand this daydream.

    I could imagine that having sex with Les did require a great deal of acting.

    MW That second panel… it looks like Olive is being swallowed by a giant whirlpool…. And the first panel… the sappy smiles and turtle doves…. Talk about being stuck between silly and Charybdis.

  114. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Intelligent Life: Actually, I collected Star Wars cards, and there wasn’t a “Darth Vader card”. The cards contained stills from the movie, some had Darth Vader. They were listed by number, if I remember correctly. 121 was my fave. Or it may have been 132. It was a multiple of 11 is all I know.

    Anyway, I do appreciate the eye rolling of the Pac-Man-Ghost on the t-shirt.

  115. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-And Plugger wives has a spit or swallow club.

  116. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#113): I could imagine that having sex with Les did require a great deal of acting.

    If you call five seconds of gritting your teeth, followed by two minutes of stifling a laugh until he falls asleep, “acting”.

  117. TheDiva
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Malice Acher (#107): It’s a woman being violently pierced with a phallic object–how do you think he’s going to portray it? The only real question is how long he’ll linger over the image. I’m guessing two full-page spreads minimum.

    As for today’s offering, my only question is what’s holding Juliet up in the top right image. No way does a Brookeworld Male Type 1 (thin and nebbish) have the upper body strength for that pose.

    //Brookeworld Male Type 2 (beefy and lantern-jawed) might be able to pull it off, though…

  118. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    MT-”I told the snake no tongue.”

  119. PJ O'Rourke
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    GT – I went to Miami of Ohio. Then to National Lampoon.

  120. Cloudbuster
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#103): So, Apartment 3-G was canceled long ago. Good lord, I feel like I’ve wandered into an episode of Lost! We’re all dead, stuck in some strange mystical limbo were we are forced to read zombie comics — lifeless things that never die, but never live or progress, either. This explains a lot, especially the recent 9CL story. W-when did I die? Has my body been found? How long will this go on? Now that I’ve spotted cracks in the facade, does that mean everything will start to unravel? Will I finally come to peace with my relationship to comics and experience a few, final poignant moments in my broken, dying body as the camera fades to black?

  121. Vince M
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#101): Evil, indeed, but kind of a logical progression where established cartoon characters got linked to cereal companies thru their sponsors’ commercials. The Hanna-Barbera gang were beholden to Kellogg’s, Jay Ward’s crew with General Mills, and the Bugs Bunny Show with Post (before Linus and company).
    One of the weirdest cartoon ad series here was Alpha-Bits, with their first postman mascot being based on and voiced by insult comic Jack E. Leonard.

  122. Cloudbuster
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: Bake some cookies and take a walk together and you have a close friendship and get a psychic connection. Clearly I’ve been doing it all wrong, what with the daily contact with my kids, nursing them through sickness and health, triumphs and heartaches, and I’m sitting here right now thinking as hard as I can and my daughter isn’t getting up off her butt and grabbing me a cold drink!

  123. Amos Snarkadder
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#116):

    If you call five seconds of gritting your teeth, followed by two minutes of stifling a laugh until he falls asleep, “acting”.

    I guess Lisa must have learned that skill in law school.

  124. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I can’t believe I laughed unironically at Luann. Luann.

  125. Cloudbuster
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: I’m pretty sure, judging from these images, that they gave Juliet post-mortem breast implants.

  126. Jed Clampit
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Buddy Epsonsalts (#86):
    Hey, I resemble that remark!
    That’s Weee- doggies to you, sir!

  127. Malice Acher
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#117): Considering that Amos/Romeo has apparently become a vampire in this scene, given his cape and pallor, maybe he does have the strength to pull off that pose.

    And yeah, a minimum two-page necrophiliac spread of Juliet is a given. My fear is that Brooke felt that’s still not pornographic artistically erotic enough, and will have her strip down to that goddamn nightie first.

  128. Ratiocinator
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    (First acknowledging that my Judge Parker snark today is very similar to Josh’s…)

    JP: “Two of the three people I worked here with–one of whom I hired only a handful of years ago in real-world time and whom I hired practically last week in strip-time–are moving on to other things. MY LIFE’S WORK IS DISINTEGRATING BEFORE MY VERY EYES!”

    (How long has Gloria been working there, anyway?)

    9CL: I started to read the text-wall in panel one, then I decided it wasn’t worth it because it’s Nine Chickweed Fucking Lane.

    ASM: Well, technically that’s not your job, since the guy with the rake is the one who actually turns over the leaves. Your job would be to examine this metaphorical leaf to see if it really is new and turned over, or if the rake guy is passing off an old leaf as a new one and if he actually hasn’t turned it over at all! You’re like a…leaf-ologist? Foliage inspector? This is something I could look up but can’t be arsed to.

    FW: You know, I’d tell Les to dream on (“Sing with me/sing for the year/etc”), but then again in real life Batiuk has made him a chick magnet despite the massive improbability of him being one.

    (By the way, Tom, yes, it IS bad if one character gets all or most of the focus. It’s even worse if that character is Les Fucking Moore.)

    Garfield: Jesus, this is twice in one week that Garfield has actually made me laugh. Should I be ashamed, or could the strip actually be getting better, or are these just flukes?

    Luann: It’s raining lampshades!

    MT: I almost thought of suggesting that the snake in Slylock Fox today (see below) move to this strip since it would be safer for him; here, he would be the predator rather than the prey. But then I thought about what Mark did to the last threatening animal he crossed paths with, and figured the snake should stay in Slylock, because having part of its body bitten off would probably be the more bearable fate.

    Slylock: If this elephant were in Mark Trail he would be in danger from poachers. But since he isn’t, it is the snake who is about to be gruesomely maimed, rather than the pachyderm.

  129. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”Miami University in Ohio. It’s like college from an old movie.” And that movie is ‘Animal House’.

  130. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#121): Loveable Truly was an insult comic? Or did he have a different name in that iteration?

  131. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#114): My favorite StarWars ™ action figure was the one packaged in a clear bubble pack labled “The Force”. Someone said “May the force be with you” and I replyed it must be with me and it’s gotta be around here somewhere. I’ve been trying to find the damn thing ever since I opened it!

  132. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    “The law practice I spent my life building is disintegrating.”

    Well, duh. That’s what happens when you never come in to work and spent all your time goofing off. Of course, you’re solidly latched on to Abby’s bounteous teats, so you probably don’t have to worry about it too much. She probably won’t even notice you aren’t bringing in any money anymore if you don’t say anything about it.

  133. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    MT – WHAT do we have here!? A dentist-poaching snake or a snake-poaching dentist ??
    …either way, THIS will make a good story!”

  134. Ratiocinator
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#2):

    Spiderman-”If Doc Ock wanted to be a hero then why doesn’t he go the route of making a mind transfer device and swap bodies with some established hero.”

    Well, for one thing it would require an established hero that this strip simply does not contain except as guest stars, and for another thing, in order for it to work everybody would have to be really stupid.

    @Droopy Says (#6):

    Spidercan’t: Peter Parker is a rakist? No wonder he can barely scratch out a living.

    *groans*

    @pugfuggly (#10):

    MT “Quick Taurus! Grab a torch! Damnnit, the snake isn’t opening it’s mouth!!! Well, I’m out of ideas…”

    *lawls*

    @Mibbitmaker (#12):

    MT: “Oh NO! Creepy porny stuff!”

    I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going…

    @gelded wildebeeste (#33): Stop trying to make us kill ourselves.

    @hogenmogen (#43): To be fair to Dan Slott’s writing of Superior Spider-Man, he actually did have Ock-in-Peter’s-body give Flash Thompson bionic replacement legs (after Slott decided to have Flash lose his legs, because God knows that Spidey’s supporting cast hasn’t suffered enough tragedy over the years between Gwen dying and Harry dying after going insane and Norman Osborn being retconned into an emotionally abusive father to Harry and Liz Allan ending up married to a supervillain and living in denial about it and being all Stepford-smiley whenever somebody told her that Harry was sick and needed help and Joe Robertson being imprisoned and okay I’ll just stop now because this could go on forever). So despite everything he did wrong, he did realize that if Ock were actually trying to help people, that’s one of the things he’d do.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#61):

    MT: This storyline is definitely not sponsored by the African Safari Tourism Bureau.

    To be fair, they haven’t singled out any particular country as the one where you’ll be attacked by snakes and hippopotami and almost die in stampedes and have to worry about running into poachers who’ll kill you to eliminate witnesses. It’s just “Africa”. So tourists can rest assured that if they pick a country at random, there’s a good chance it won’t be this dangerous one!

    As a matter of fact, I’ll rustle up a map of Africa and toss a dart at it right now.

    Oh, “Sudan”! I like the sound of that place!

  135. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers –
    (Plugger #1): “I programmed the DVR last night with no help … then I recorded two full hours of uninterupted close-up campfire video so we can spit and whittle while watching it on your 60″ flat screen inside the comfort of your living room rather than sitting on these stumps out here, Bill!”

    (Plugger Bill): “COOL!”
    (Plugger Bill’s wife..not shown in picture): “NOT so cool!!”

  136. Little Sparkle Farkle
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Sean Franco (#14):

    Hey, guy! Turn that frown upside down! There’s still the tits!

  137. Fritz G
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail – As soon as I saw that last panel, I began to “Cough” “Choke” with laughter.

  138. DaveyK
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    I really thought the first three panels of Momma were leading to the reveal that Francis died in that chair, a fact which Momma is only now noticing, an idea which would have been both less disturbing and funnier.

  139. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Hey, Taurus, LOOK! Chris is back and the son of a gun has managed to slither his way into Lori’s *ahem* affections! Dirty, you ol’ snake-in-the-grass, you … WHY didn’t you tell us you were back?”

    (Dirty Chris): “Becauth I don’th likth speaking with thith forkthed tongue, Mark … but don’t worry the camp about me, I’m restricting my constricting to Lori only!”

  140. tegrat
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    GT: Speaking of ugly campus buildings, take the UCSB Events Center (please), aka the box Learning Resources came in.

  141. Illustrator Steve
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    MT – If Lori were as naked as the snake would panel #3 qualify as the full Monty Python?

  142. tallyHO
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#98): @Odie Odo (#79): @Rocky Stoneaxe (#96):

    Maybe this one only one of the early cartoon commercials, but, I can’t think of Sugar Bear singing that song without thinking he’s strutting over to his girlfriend’s place.
    What I’m saying is: he may have consumed a lot of sugar but he was Sugar Bear! His whole thing was sharing some of that sugar with his bear lover!

    //haha! I just wanted to write that. No one else in the history of Time has. So why not!

  143. True Fable
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Comix Law #4: If it isn’t squicky, it isn’t Momma.

  144. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Carol, your face-melt-itis has spread to your internal organs! I’m a nurse (in the labor & delivery unit of a no-longer-existent hospital)! All I need to cure you is medicine! And test results! And a specialist doctor! And equipment! But don’t worry, I can fold up this napkin to look like an old fashioned nurse’s hat, so we’re mostly there!

  145. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#81): @Écureuil Écumant (#103): @Cloudbuster (#120) Re: A3G “cancellation”—

    Here’s what happened:

    At the syndicate, the executive in charge of A3G made a decision to cancel it, but his memo got lost. Simultaneously, Bolle and Shulock decided to quit without telling anyone, hoping to continue to be paid without having to do much work. They simply submit random art panels and dialogue hoping no one will notice. Since the executive responsible for the strip thinks it’s cancelled, he doesn’t look for it. Since the syndicate employees don’t know it’s been cancelled, they continue to run it. And since Bolle and Shulock get rewarded for minimal effort, they continue to submit their random material.

    The result is the A3G that we know and love today.

  146. Écureuil Écumant
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#141): Almost. Throw in Nastassja Kinski and you’ll tip the scales.

  147. White Rabbit
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @mvg (#44):
    “And the joke is that Crankshat’s colorblind…? Little help here?” I think the joke is that Cranky is so used to seeing fire engines around, that having a personal car that color (many fire engines are a yellow-green color these days), would somehow be comforting to the old man. Or something. Ha ha!

    Of course, the correct response to the old fool would be, “What do you mean, ‘We,’ Ed? Are you offering to help pay for it?”

  148. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#145): I was starting to work a theory that it was cancelled, but had gained self-awareness somehow; the strip continues to write itself. It is a narrative told by a toddler who has only experienced life as a shaky series of unresolved, disjointed plots and shifting backdrops. This would account for a great deal. Wait until the strip enters adolescence and puberty. Man, that’s gonna be surreal.

  149. Mikey
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#114): I also collected the first set of Star Wars Cards in 1977. My theory was the complete set would be worth an utter fortune in the distant future. I must have bought 100′s of packs to complete that first set. When finally completed I assembled the full set, sealed it in tinfoil and plastic (with the unused stickers in the center of the pile, of course), and waited to collect my fortune in the future, thinking I could use the money to buy a flying car or something. About 10 years ago my dad was cleaning out his basement and returned my pristine collection! I hurriedly got on the web to find the whole collection was worth a lousy $99 bucks while a single unopened pack of the same cards was going for about $20. Son of a bitch…. And we still don’t have flying cars either.

  150. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#145): Don’t take away their red Swingline stapler.

  151. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Garfield: I was sort of under the impression that when Garfield thinks, that Jon at least could understand. Liz seems to have some dialogue or communication of some kind. But then this strip proves otherwise. So 30 years of pratfalls, sarcasm and wise-cracks were unheard or misunderstood? What a waste of kitty-litter you are, Garf.

  152. Little Sparkle Farkel
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#125):

    Can they do that? Why ask?

    No particular reason . . . just curious.

  153. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Momma-Francis isn’t seeing another mother but he is seeing a guy who wants Francis to call him ‘daddy’.

  154. hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#149): You’d have been better off collecting Starbuck Jones comics.

    They did invent flying cars, but they’re ridiculously expensive. I also think insurance may have something to do with their non-acceptance. 3 dimensions is about 2 dimensions too many for some drivers.

  155. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#150):

    We don’t want them to burn the place down.

  156. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#155): Or doooo weeeeee?????

  157. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Little Sparkle Farkle (#136): Turn that frown upside down! There’s still the tits!

    And, since this is Judge Parker, you can turn the tits upside down and they will still look the same, and jut out at the same impossible angle.

  158. Peanut Gallery
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Lio – The only good golf joke is a dead golf joke.

  159. Majicou
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    There is no school called Miami of Ohio. There is a school called Miami University. 116 years after it was established, some fucking jerkoffs in Florida started a school they decided to call “University of Miami,” which I propose should be called Miami of Florida to avoid confusion, or (following the suggestion of one MU alum) Coral Gables Community College.

    Seriously, folks, 116 years. Thanks to the religion of college football, I guess that doesn’t count for anything.

  160. Écureuil Écumant
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#125) and @Little Sparkle Farkel (#152): Nah, allergic reaction to meds. Titular edema.

  161. KreatureFeatures
    August 13th, 2014 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: Why isn’t Wilbur be taking notes on this story for his “I’m Alive but Shouldn’t Be” column? Is it because he sucks at life?

  162. Vince M
    August 13th, 2014 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#130): He was pretty much a different character. The early 60s were a weird time – Post (I think) Raisin Bran had a cartoon accountant as a mascot for a while, because kids love accountants!

  163. KreatureFeatures
    August 13th, 2014 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Like I suck at grammar?

  164. Bill Peschel
    August 13th, 2014 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#129): Which was headed for my alma mater, UNC, except the Dean didn’t want to be associated with that kind of movie.

    So now we have a reputation as an athlete factory in which faculty go to great lengths to give “F” students the same degree as everyone else. Go Tarheels!

  165. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#162): Gawd, I’d forgotten all about that guy. His eyeglasses were zeros that started spinning into numbers as he counted up all the raisins in each box.

    And who could ever forget the Smackin’ Twins? Two little kids so wired up on sugar they could do nothing all day but pound the living shit out of each other with boxing gloves.

  166. Amos Snarkadder
    August 13th, 2014 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#124):

    I can’t believe I laughed unironically at Luann. Luann.

    It’s okay. Tommie will take care of you! She’s a nurse, remember?
    .
    .
    .
    A3G Okay, well, Carole’s done for. A lifetime with Jack Riley or a week with Tommie – either way, you’re a goner.

  167. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Garfield-A mushroom, chicken, and onion pizza? Sounds good. I need to try that.

  168. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G-Great! Now Tommie is never going to leave.

  169. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    FC-I can see an adult Jeffy sitting in a bar somewhere saying something similar.

  170. Shrug
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#122):

    “MW: Bake some cookies and take a walk together and you have a close friendship and get a psychic connection. Clearly I’ve been doing it all wrong”

    Probably a glitch in the psychic default settings. Maybe your kids’ brows, er, rejects cookies?

  171. gelded wildebeeste
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Liam #169-
    What I liked about today’s FC was Jeffy was on his knees asking–no, BEGGING– for more ice cream, like Thel makes him “assume the position” when he starts pleading for more sweets. The kneeling stance will also help him at the bar when he wants some drinks (well, not right at the bar. Maybe the Men’s room. Or the parking lot. The back alley. Some place else.).

  172. Dale
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Wave a torch, even a match. ALL animals are afraid of fire. No?
    Fire a gun. ALL animals flee from gunfire. No?
    Wrestle with it. Hit it with a stick. That’ll do it.

  173. Shrug
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#128):

    “You’re like a…leaf-ologist? Foliage inspector?”

    Sappiness specialist.

  174. The Snake in MARK TRAIL
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    HHHHsssssss….
    (which means: Bug off, I think this woman secretly likes me.)

    This has been a Parsel post.

  175. rbmalpha
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: He love football, but differently from his Dad. His Dad loves it vicariously through True, almost not at all, solely for the glory. True, on the other hand, loves football enough that he doesn’t seem to really want to play it at all. And that certainly is different.

    Judge Parker: Sam seems to only have two facial expressions; absolute rage, and mild concern mostly directed towards money.

    Momma: Oh yeah, he’s definitely seeing another mother. Unlike Mrs Hobbs, however, she’s not a rectangular torso with a head and limbs attatched.

  176. word-doctor
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    Assuming I had a posting error and was not run off for attempting this little ditty earlier… If the latter, I apologize and assure Josh I’m in error, not incalcitrant (or whatever).

    MT: “Oh no, he swallowed my toe; oh gee, he’s up to my knee; oh fiddle he’s up to my middle; oh shit, he’s squeezing my”

  177. Arabella
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    MT: I read Mark Trail early this morning and was a little shocked by the snake. You would think that might have heightened my awareness of those creatures. Then I went outside to weed the flower beds and came within a foot of disturbing a sleeping copperhead. Tomorrow I will pay more attention to Mark Trail.

  178. Everything Is Better With Monkeys
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Do DVRs work with Plugger sets, the big fat boxes with crazily askew rabbit ears from the 70s? Maybe even with the remote controls that need to connect to the TV by a wire. I’m not sure a DVR would connect with RCA cables. Also, Pluggers are too cheap to have cable. So whatever these whittle and spitters (which are which?) are, they sure as hell ain’t Pluggers.

    On another note, I didn’t see the AOL email address in today’s strip. I was going to write in and suggest “You know you’re a plugger if you have an AOL email address.”

  179. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”He loves football differently from his dad.” Rule 34, ladies and gentlemen.

  180. Cloudbuster
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Little Sparkle Farkel (#152): I can’t get my psychic readout to stop flashing “12:00.” How do you program this thing?

  181. Frank Lee MeiDere
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#128): Don’t feel alone. I too laughed unironically at Garfield. And then, thinking about it a bit later, laughed again.

    // I also thought Luann was fairly humorous, but you’d never catch me writing that in one of these comments.

  182. Cloudbuster
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#170): That was supposed to be response to @Cloudbuster (#180). Embarrassingly appropriate.

    // Jane! Stop this crazy thing!

  183. Cloudbuster
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#182): Th-that’s still wrong. I … I need to give up now.

  184. demoncat_4
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    mw i had a feeling that there was trouble and went out side to check the pool and rescued olive. just as the vision foretold . after all no one dies unless i do the deed myself. rmmd no wonder the students seem to be able to compete. the staff are busy being paranoid and stabbing each other in the back they are too tired to do their jobs. phantom. and thus getting his second wind the phantom moves in to try and finish chatu off at last.

  185. Mikey
    August 13th, 2014 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    FC- Jeffy, poster child for Michelle Obama.

  186. Cloudbuster
    August 13th, 2014 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Luann: If you notice the evolution of the artwork for Luann, her eyes have been drifting farther and farther apart. I think this is some sort of Mitosis in progress. The big reveal will be that this is how reproduction happens in the Luann universe.

  187. Écureuil Écumant
    August 13th, 2014 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#186): Mitosis? Somehow I can’t help thinking that this is gonna end up a little too close to A Canticle For Leibowitz for comfort.

    But then I had the same feeling with Olive’s cyst, so…

  188. Droopy Says
    August 13th, 2014 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#18): The typical American soldier who went into Normandy figured we’d have won by Christmas. Since this story appears to have stalled out on 7 June, they’d still have that optimism. And if Martine really did work for the resistance, she’d have to assume that the Germans were going to lose sometime in the foreseeable future.

    I can’t picture Crackhead Bill as a combat soldier. Aside from his being a violent, sex-obsessed lunatic with no sense of discipline . . . good reasons right there to not endanger friendly troops with his presence . . . he’s some sort of OSS technical worker. He spent his war handling radios and exchanging coded messages with field agents (or he would have, in the real world WW II). He isn’t trained for infantry combat; he didn’t even have enough sense to stay attached to his unit. Or to fight the Germans on the Atlantic Wall, who were between the beach he landed on and the bed he landed in. And if he’s captured, he’ll spill his secrets as soon as Lilli von Schtupp shows some ankle.

    As for the German soldiers, Brooke doesn’t know fuck-all about them, either. If they’d been as incompetent as he shows, the war would have ended in 1939 with British and French soldiers toasting one another in Berlin. The Germans were dangerous because they knew how to fight, and were willing to do it.

    I’ll defend partisans against the charge of murder, though. Yes, they’re in violation of the Geneva accords. Partisans justify it by saying they remain at war with the enemy, and that they are in the service of a would-be government. The violence is limited to attacks on the invaders and quislings (as opposed to Bunny and Clod, for whom violence is an aphrodisiac–I expect they’d kill any American soldier who interrupted them.)

  189. Droopy Says
    August 13th, 2014 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Malice Acher (#127): The real fear of the tomb scene in R&J will be when Pibliet stabs herself. Brooke will probably spread that one over a week.

  190. Droopy Says
    August 13th, 2014 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    MT: You have to admire Lori for finding the breath to shout while simultaneously choking to death. Or is the snake a gentleman of the old school, allowing a lady to summon help as he strangles her?

  191. seismic-2
    August 13th, 2014 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    MT: Lori, you have entirely the wrong attitude about this sort of thing. What a peon!

  192. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#191):

    Well Lori obviously isn’t Alan Parker. Everyone and everything loves Alan Parker.

  193. walt d
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    JP: Council? The legal literacy of this strip is even worse than the medical literacy of RMMD.

    JP: I thought Rocky Ledge was an actor, albeit a wealthy one. What does he need a full time corporate lawyer for? And this will apparently pay so well that it will outdo the two salaries from an apparently very successful private practice.

  194. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane-Yep. Nothing strange at all about having sex right there in the middle of a battlefield. Maybe if you guys are loud enough you can attract the attention of the armies and they can stand around and watch you guys.

  195. Liam
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Luann-Your heads should be big now not then.

  196. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    King Features is refusing to show me any of their comics, so it’ll be a while before I can really weigh in. On the strips featured here, though…

    MT: Social progress doesn’t always march forward, folks. A couple of years ago we had basketball player Lini Verde, who never properly announced anything but at least was swishy as hell. But Gil Thorp has become more skittish, and now homosexuality has to be sublimated into a love of old movies and Ohio.

    JP: “Rocky Ledge is talking about having Steve come aboard. Also, Welch’s grape juice has offered me a gig modeling for their new packaging. Go figure.”

    Momma: If Sonia knows other mothers who would jump at the chance to have Francis mooch off them, she’s running with a weird crowd.

  197. walt d
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    FW: Eliminating the Les character would be a good start. He was never anything but a bit player in the “real” Lisa story anyway.

    9CL: As will the court martial board. Admittedly going AWOL and being found in civilian clothes ought to spice that proceeding up, over and above the existing assaulting a fellow officer charge.

  198. The Kangaroo
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    Yo Josh congratulations to you upon your membership in the same grandfalloon as the late author Kurt Vonngeut Jr. Extra boko maru for you if you know what that means, Cornell alumnus! (from an alumnus of The University of Texas at San Antonio and the University of Houston).

  199. greghousesgf
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy–What, no pumpkin?

  200. I speak Jive
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#98): I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but the word “sugar” disappeared from quite a few cereal names. Frosted Flakes used to be Sugar Frosted Flakes, and Smacks used to be Sugar Smacks, to name two. I think it was because of increased awareness of the bad effects of too much sugar in the diet. Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs did not change its name, however.

    @Droopy Says (#188): It’s only June 7? How many times have these sex maniacs boinked? And Bill with a head wound!

    Brewster Rocket – The second panel made me laugh.

  201. Uncle Lumpy
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @walt d (#193):

    I thought Rocky Ledge was an actor …

    Country music star and green energy entrepreneur. He figured out a way to make electricity from class envy toward the Parker-Drivers, which is why he needs Sam. As an antenna.

  202. Peanut Gallery
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#12), @Amos Snarkadder (#113): Olive looks more like she’s being dragged under by a shark.

    I once heard a radio interview with a lifeguard, who said that people who are drowning don’t usually flail around, wave, or make any noise. They’re underwater, trying unsuccessfully to get back up.

  203. Écureuil Écumant
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#201): …one which would also serve admirably as a lightning rod.

  204. Ebenezer Wasabi
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#121): Retired postman George Wilson “speaks” with the voice of insult comic Jack E. Leonard. At least he does in my head…

  205. Avoiding the Madding Crowd
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Momma: And, in the background, Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond singing “..you don’t send me flowers anymore…”

  206. Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
    August 13th, 2014 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#188): I can’t picture Crackhead Bill as a combat soldier

    This is (part of) what makes this whole interlude so obnoxious. It starts with Bill bragging that his training didn’t involve firearms, that he was trained to kill the enemy by sneaking up behind them and breaking their necks. Of course, this is only discussed so that Brooke can compare inflicting a violent, painful death on an enemy to the thrill of kissing a woman from behind (with but a driblet more tongue).

    The Germans were dangerous because they knew how to fight, and were willing to do it.

    And they weren’t always blessed with superior equipment, usually had inferior numbers, and weren’t helped, especially in the late war, by the strategic direction from high command. Their skill was at the operational level – they could put together a Kampfgruppe on the spot and outfight whatever they were facing. The exact opposite of the lost, lonely infantry soldiers that Bill keeps coming across, equipped only with small arms that won’t ruin the esthetics of their uniforms.

    Given the two male character models available to Brooke, the decision to consistently use “nebbishy geek” rather than “beefy hunk” for his Germans is odd. One would think a victory over an army of Seths would be more heroic.

  207. Ebenezer Wasabi
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#142): Sugar Bear’s girlfriend is called “Sweetie Bear” because prolonged exposure to her can lead to severe hypoglycemia.

  208. Little Sparkle Farkel
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#180):

    I’m no slave to time. I seldom miss recess, though. The voices y’know.

  209. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    JP – Ok, so Gloria’s quitting. I’m waiting for Sam to discover she isn’t yet vested in her retirement plan, meaning a happy windfall of $432,000 for him. This is Judge Parker, after all.

    Meanwhile, having left the sanctuary of the Parker-Driver inner circle, Gloria and Sam will promptly lose all their money, just before their car breaks down in the desert and they are eaten by wild dogs. This is Judge Parker, after all.

  210. Odie Odo
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @Ebenezer Wasabi (#207):

    Sugar Bear doesn’t wear pants, so what kind of “exposure” are we talking about?

  211. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    MT: Buy a girl a drink first.

    MW: Indeed it seems this latest Mary Worth plot was written by Stephen King, probably over a few forgotten hours in the lost weekend that lasted from roughly 1985-93.

    FW: If you’re an actress and you’re willing to do the casting couch bit in order to expand your part in Les Moore’s grief porn, you’re either in need of psychological help or you exist only between his ears.

    C-Shaft: All the personal experience Crankshaft has with fire engines and he still doesn’t know what color they are? Awesome that he drives for a living, then.

    9CL: In my dreams, Bill runs out of chocolate and they have to resort to cannibalism. The one who prevails gets deployed to Korea.

    BB: Miss Buxley shows unvarnished dismay and scorn for this Col. Finagle, presumably because he so abjectly fails to live up to his name.

    SFx: It’s Mark Burnett’s new reality show, basically Survivor except that it’s African animals they send to a desert island. Looks like the snake is about to get voted off for real, as there’s no honor among reptiles.

    Marvin: Julius Dithers-lite thankfully reflects that Jeff isn’t a big Rocky Horror fan.

  212. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#209):
    You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave – in one piece.

  213. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#200): I think the trend went a little too far on the most recent Stones tour, when Mick Jagger stood there singing, “Brown. How come you taste so good?”

  214. Droopy Says
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#200): Yeah, June 7th, D+1. I think Brooke has only shown one intervening night between Crackhead’s landing in France and the current non-events. Which raises the question of when are they going to eat? And what? Occupied France wasn’t known for its excess amounts of food.

  215. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: I figured out what could make me interested in Apartment 3-G: Topless cheerleaders, drawn in the Barreto style of artistry.

  216. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#24):
    Re PBS: My branch library used stamps until recently, when they started just printing up receipts. The cards never showed other borrowers’ names, though.

  217. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#215):
    Dare to dream, BG!

  218. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2014 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#217): Beautiful Babes in Bikinis Bouncing works on Telemundo. Apartment 3-G needs more help.

  219. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    FW – Ok, seriously? Are you telling me Batuik has never heard the old Hollywood chestnut about the starlet who was so dumb she tried to sleep with the writer? What does that say about the cartoonist who tried to make it a plot point?

  220. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: How great would it be for Jack to return on his horse, looking like Ben Turpin.

  221. cheech wizard
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#220): Better yet, have him return as Trojan Man. After 50 years, someone needs to get laid in this strip.

  222. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#221): [Googles] Yes!

  223. Poteet
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    MOMMA: I have to marvel at any human mind that can not only read MOMMA day after day after day, but keep track of when MOMMA reuses squicky gags. If any Mudge besides Josh is managing this, I salute you too.

  224. Poteet
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    9CL: There were already several reasons to loathe these people, and now their indifference to who wins the war can be added to the list.

  225. Poteet
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: I don’t mind heading into the Praise Saint Mary part of the story, since it’s always bizarrely entertaining, but I demand some kind of resolution regarding Doctor Druggie before the tale wraps up entirely.

  226. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    We may be all wrong about our friend Dirty.

  227. Poteet
    August 13th, 2014 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    MT: And with a stroke of Mark’s knife, another species moves a teensy bit further along the CITES scale from “vulnerable” to “threatened.” I sure hope some rhinos will get saved out of all this.

  228. Baka Gaijin
    August 14th, 2014 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#225): Dr. Druggie’s issue started when he saw huge floaty Mary Worth heads in the clouds, then started seeing Mary Worth’s whole body in the hospital. He tried to get away from the terrible visage by downing gin rickeys at The Bum Boat but there she was. Only the sweet release of propofol eases his mental anguish, at least temporarily.

    Alternate theory: Mary Worth promised the future Dr. Kapuht a dish of rainbow swirl ice cream as a boy in 1968. He still hasn’t gotten it or gotten over it.

  229. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    August 14th, 2014 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    Momma: It’s even more recycled than you think. http://joshreads.com/?p=19546

  230. World Cup Fan
    August 14th, 2014 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    JP- You don’t understand, Sam, this is too hard to pass up. Steve is not being asked to be the “corporate counsel” like every other lawyer, he’s being hired to act as the entire “corporate council”, whatever the hell that is. Kick butt and take names, Steve!

  231. made of wince
    August 14th, 2014 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    Luann: Bernice is pandering to all the joyless Pluggers out there. She sure knows her audience!

  232. Droopy Says
    August 14th, 2014 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#225): We’ll get that resolution, alas. No way is Mary going to miss a chance to get all sanctimonious over the doctor.

  233. Snarky Parkyakarkus
    August 14th, 2014 at 4:30 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Otto is just showing off. He knows he can always pee on (or hump) Sarge’s leg.

  234. Snarky Parkyakarkus
    August 14th, 2014 at 4:40 am [Reply]

    Zits: The first one to lapse into a diabetic coma wins.

    Shoe: Singer Patti Page must be spinning in her grave right about now.

  235. Snarky Parkyakarkus
    August 14th, 2014 at 4:50 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Tommie wishes Carol would stop slobbering all over her expensive Cartier® watch.

  236. José Jiménez
    August 14th, 2014 at 5:00 am [Reply]

    Zippy the Pinhead has a Hully Gully moment.

    By the way, can you dance to the Hully Gully if it’s played by hurdy gurdy?

  237. Tommie Thompson
    August 14th, 2014 at 5:15 am [Reply]

    @José Jiménez (#236): I had a hurdy-gurdy once. But that darn Carol baroque it.

  238. Brian Henke
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