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Metapost: Odds, ends, and foobery

Foob, everyone’s favorite made-up Canadian slang word, made an appearance in today’s FBOFW:

Of course, true comics devotees know that, unlike January’s now infamous made-up sex slang, foob has an origin that was actually depicted in the strip: it’s a portmanteau that April and her 4 Evah bandmates created by combining fool and boob. It’s a neologism that I find charming enough to overlook the fact that any modern-day 12-year-old would only use the word boob to refer to the part of the female anatomy of most interest to the artists at Blondie and Rex Morgan, M.D.

Anyway, the comics-reading public at large apparently does not remember this definition, and as a result, I knew that foob made an appearance in today’s strip before I even opened the paper. I got a mini-surge in traffic today that was almost entirely driven by people plugging foob into search engines in a desperate attempt to figure out what this crazy jibber-jabber in the comics pages was all about. Even now, at midnight, they’re still going at it, as you can see from this screenshot from my statistics site:

(Yes, yes, I know: one of these things is very much not like the others. And no, I don’t know how cricket figures into it either.)

Anyway, all this search engine talk made me realize that it’s been ages since I last posted some amusing search engine terms, so here’s some recent favorites: “family circus is not funny” (duh), “do you still love me as much as you used to hagar the horrible,” “baby moses bath cartoon” (this one keeps cropping up — can somebody explain it to me?), “site joshreads.com not funny” (hey!), “nude pictures of andy capp,” “how to make a character like beetle bailey and ziggy” (it’s not hard), “joshua fruhlinger birthday” (it’s July 17th, but I accept late presents as well as early ones), and, in an example of what I can only hope is someone using search engine terms to mess with my mind, “mary worth porn comics.”

This is as good an opportunity as any to share with those of you who don’t read the comments two excellent poetic efforts that have appeared there over the past few days. First off is this impressive sonnet from daChipster, whose heart ached for Anna’s barren state before today’s dramatic revelation:

As trees with blighted roots can bear no food
or those with buds untimely nipped by frost
So Anna cannot raise her Brian a brood
She might as well just keep her stockings crossed.

Enough already please quit with the cryin’
It doesn’t matter what you say or think
These ruminations by the Wife of Brian
Are just a waste of bad cartoonist’s ink

Why not adopt some orphan Asian child
With jet black hair and oddly-tinted skin
Or buy a kid from some gig that’s been wild
Like Tommy’s little roadside neice — Miss Mim

Whatever, just get over giving birth
‘Cause you’ve been cursed by that Witch, Mary Worth

Less highbrow, but just as satisfying, is fuzzmaster’s take on Becky’s internal monologue today, set to the tune of “We Will Rock You”:

Foob-foob-hottie; foob-foob-hottie
Lady you’re a gig make a big noise
Playin’ in the street gonna be a grade 12 some day
Hangin’ high on yo’ case
You big disgrace
Hands-on, been there all over the place
You are you are roadside!
You are you are roadside!

Finally, after my recent cutting, classist comments about the relationship between working men and professional women, I feel compelled to relay the details of a brush with the proletariat I had toady. We woke up this morning to find that our hot water heater had at last given up the ghost and was leaking water all over the basement. Since my fiancée’s typical workday involves crazy stuff like “putting on clothes” and “leaving the house,” I was left to deal with the domestic crisis. By noon, I had secured the services of a father-son team of hot-water-heater experts, who, while showing no evidence of tooth loss, did manage to present me with a Fence Post Frank-style horrifyingly large bill. Anyway, after the new, non-leaky heater was installed, the older of the two gentlemen informed me that “you’ll have hot water again by the time the Mrs. gets home.” “I think you mean the Ms.,” I corrected him. After that, he just made a series of whipping noises, which I didn’t really grasp the significance of.

65 responses to “Metapost: Odds, ends, and foobery”

  1. PizzaBagel
    March 23rd, 2005 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    Presumably, Hot-Water-Heater Harry the Elder believes that you are p*ssy-whipped – for what reason I can’t fathom. Fodder for a fruitful commentary, I’ll guess. Here we go …

  2. Peter C. Hayward
    March 23rd, 2005 at 4:47 am [Reply]

    The Baby Moses Bath Comic refers to an old comic with Moses mother putting him in the bath, and he parts the water so that he won’t get wet. I’ll find a copy for you.

    *finds*

    Whew. That took a good hour to find. Anyway, I’ll upload it to my site.

    If that doesn’t show up, the link is http://www.thechainsawblokes.com/images/moses.jpg

    There. That was a lot of effort. Can I get some linkage for it :D?

  3. Luban
    March 23rd, 2005 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    Hmm… I recall a series of Don Martin cartoons in Mad Magazine, probably in the late ’70s, featuring a young Moses parting various liquids. Can’t remember if there was a bathtub, but I do remember he parts his soup for some reason.

  4. Islamorada Girl
    March 23rd, 2005 at 5:55 am [Reply]

    Once again, Pizzabagel speaks truth. Fence Post Water Heater Guy thinks you’re whipped.He’s probably king of his little domestic fiefdom in Essex.

  5. Dub Not Dubya
    March 23rd, 2005 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    On another topic, I think that pus-encrusted Buck is actually the superhero Green Arrow on some kind of secret mission. Check out the resemblance: http://www.newsaskew.com/images/pic_lrggreenarrowsta.jpg . I haven’t read Green Arrow since I was a kid, so I don’t remember much about him, but maybe some of you who do read that comic can chime in.

  6. Prespi
    March 23rd, 2005 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    Yeah, he thinks your whipped, but I’m pretty sure that not being married makes you inherentles *less* whipped.

  7. Joe
    March 23rd, 2005 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    I think he meant whipped, as “this guy is so strung out he will make an effort to correct the title of his SO to the FREAKIN’ HOT WATER HEATER GUY” (Just kidding, Josh. You rock.)

    You just needed a little more exposition to avoid confusion: “We’ll need hot water by the time the other resident, Ms. Jane Doe, gets home. Can you help?”

    Confer: The Comic Curmudgeon, 1/20/2005

  8. Sal
    March 23rd, 2005 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Hot-water-heater replacement man is….yes……he is a FOOB! (Thought I’d be the first to say it, go me.)

  9. RememberByronFrost
    March 23rd, 2005 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Josh, too bad you didn’t have ‘Buck to the Rescue’ around when Fence Post Hot Water Heater Harry the Elder, villainous shyster, presented his overpriced estimate.

    You coulda saved a bundle !

  10. Smitty Smedlap
    March 23rd, 2005 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Luban — those Don Martin cartoons were the first thing that came to my mind, as well. There was, in fact, a cartoon of him parting the water in the bathtub — he was playing with his bath toys while staying dry. His mom was in the next room, saying something to the effect of “Moses takes a bath every night, but he never seems to get clean.”

    And it was a cereal bowl that he was parting — because his mom told him to eat all of his cereal and then he’d be able to see the clown at the bottom of the bowl.

    I wonder what important information was pushed out of my brain in order to remember all that.

  11. Monkeys Uncle
    March 23rd, 2005 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    It seems obvious now that you need to get your own pus-encrusted grad student to save you on home repairs, begin poorly planned, underfunded digs in your back yard, and look suspiciously like various superheros and or their alter egos. I think I can envision a cottage industry here.

  12. Bob Villa's Evil Twin
    March 23rd, 2005 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    You know the next body June and Rex are going to find in the back yard is going to be easy to identify. The bandage on the pus-encrusted hand will give it away.

    I think you don’t piss off Frank the Fence Man lightly. Doing so will result in an over-priced cedar fence post being laid upside yer head, boy.

  13. Pookie
    March 23rd, 2005 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    If, as rumored, FBOFW is finally being taken off life support, how about a spin- off strip called Becky, Roadside Gig? Not only would it be a hit with that precious 18-24 male demographic, but it would be a lot more like real life. Only with more Food Court Druids.

  14. Anonymous
    March 23rd, 2005 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Trust me folks, Josh is whipped. But we’ve all seen his girlfriend’s rather perky appendages so do we really blame him.

  15. King Of All Paperboys
    March 23rd, 2005 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    That wasn’t me. I stopped staring at Amber’s appendages as soon as I found out I could get free porn on this computer.

    Who knew?

  16. daChipster
    March 23rd, 2005 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Sweet Raisin Danish! I’ve been published! Quick, update the resume!

    Thanks for the props, Josh, but truly, I can’t get fuzzmaster’s opus outta my head: foob-foob-hottie! foob-foob-hottie!

  17. fuzzmaster
    March 23rd, 2005 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Thanks to Josh for the front-paging. And my apologies to everyone who will now have that beat in their skulls all day. Oh, do I know the feeling.

  18. slobocrock
    March 23rd, 2005 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    This is off the subject, and I know its a sad comment on my social life that am so attentive to cartoon hotties, even the poorly drawn ones, but has anyone else noticed that Miss Buxley makes an appearance in Beetle Bailey EVERY Wednesday?

  19. Adouble
    March 23rd, 2005 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Dub Not Dubya — Green Arrow was Batman-meets-Robin-Hood, with a fashion sense that was somehow gayer than the combined parts. He was a rich kid white boy who used trick arrows to fight crime. And in the late 60s, racism. That’s what I call a hero.

  20. Snuffy Smith
    March 23rd, 2005 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Oh no, the mule just foobed all over the roadside.

  21. King Of All Paperboys
    March 23rd, 2005 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Off-topic: Mark the date and time the King made this prediction; Blue-Suit-Man who found the bitch Mark was looking for will try to extort Famous Celebrity for the Return Of The Bitch.

    You read it here first!

  22. Gwen
    March 23rd, 2005 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Hi, Josh. This is my first time reading your site. It is funny.

    Did you address Mim’s change of hair color and I just missed it? Back when I was having teen pregnancies, expectant ladies weren’t supposed to color their hair.

  23. luluchappel
    March 23rd, 2005 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Sorry to bring up bad comic strips, but is today the day we found out Cathy’s & Irving’s last names??
    http://www.uclick.com/client/wpc/ca/

  24. Erin
    March 23rd, 2005 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Luluchapel, I was wondering the same thing. “Cathy Andrews” and “Irving Hillman” – 20 years and these are the names she comes up with?

  25. ronniecat
    March 23rd, 2005 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    “…brush with the proletariat I had toady…”

    Wow. I’ve seen some impressive Freudian slips, but that takes the biscuit! :)

    ronnie

  26. Big Al
    March 23rd, 2005 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Luluchapel – Thanks for pointing that out. Oh happy day! Bad comics are my passion.

    And “foob?” Glad to learn about it. It had bothered me some, I hate being behind in my patois.

  27. DIMESTORE LIPSTICK
    March 23rd, 2005 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Wow, it’s Gwen! THE Gwen! Sorry…I’m a fan. Anyway–check out the comments on the posts from February…much discussion of Mim’s hair, and the dubious wisdom of dying same.

    http://joshreads.com/index.php?cat=18

  28. Hysterical Woman
    March 23rd, 2005 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    People still refer to wives by their husbands name (Mrs. Irving Hillman)? I always found that creepy, like they were now their husband in drag.

  29. me2ewe
    March 23rd, 2005 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone noticed in FBOFW today that besides being a tad judgemental, Becky apparently has clock dyslexia? A foob at 3:00 would appear on her right, not her left.

  30. Moesy
    March 23rd, 2005 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    If anyone referred to me as Mrs. My Husband’s Name, I’d probably shoot ‘em. Not because I dislike my husband, but I like being me. Not Mrs. Him

  31. Sal
    March 23rd, 2005 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    When IS FBOFW ending, anyway? Did Lynn Johnson ever definitely set a date as to when she’s throwing in the towel? Anyone? Anyone?

  32. Buzz Dixon
    March 23rd, 2005 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    So what’s the difference between April & co. referring to Becky as a roadside gig and Becky referring to others as foobs?

  33. Fred
    March 23rd, 2005 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    I am writing in defense of Mrs. Curmudgeon’s perky breasts. I’ve stayed in the room where that photo was taken; it’s cold in there. And, hey, who wouldn’t be excited and aroused by a new Comics Curmudgeon Tshirt? Once you’ve “been there” you ain’t comin’ back!

  34. Luban
    March 24th, 2005 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Buzz Dixon, I believe it was April who first started talking about “foobs”– see this page (scroll down to May 24-25, 2004):

    http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/2004_05.php

    So Becky, roadside gig that she is, thinks she’s hangin’ high by appropriating April’s foob-talk and elaborating a whole typology of doofi, porkos, and such (see yesterday’s and today’s strips). But all she’s doing is reinforcing her own foobery.

  35. Tracibub
    March 24th, 2005 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    April never actually CALLED Becky “roadside”. She looked rather suprised at the prospect. And when you are 13 it’s okay to be in a group of people that are judging a ‘foob’, but in the mall, after you’ve just helped your disabled fried, and you go see your best friend being a shallow wench. That is where the line is drawn.

    And what is with Mim running off to the hospital every 5 seconds?!? She was about to get on the bus and run away, but NO! Now that she’s staying all of the sudden the Hospital is the best place in the world to be. Damn teenagers.

  36. fuzzmaster
    March 24th, 2005 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Sal,

    We still have many more months of foobery to look forward to.

    From http://www.nationmaster.com/encyclopedia/Lynn-Johnston

    In 2001, Johnston announced plans to end the strip in 2007, when her current contract ends. In explaining her decision to retire, she cited her neurological illness (dystonia) and medication, growing difficulty with understanding today’s young families, and desire to have more free time for other interests. She also noted that, given the complexity of her stories, it will take a few years to wrap up plot lines.

    Her daughter, Katie, is a ski instructor in Whistler, BC, and her son, Aaron, produces television programs in Vancouver, BC. Johnston says she has supported her children financially and that she once had to cut off her son, who later lined up at a soup kitchen. She has since resumed his allowance. In a June 14, 2003 Globe and Mail article, Johnston stated; “If I give them too much, they’re spoiled. If I don’t give them any, they’re resentful. And you don’t want your children looking forward to when you die”.

  37. Mogen David
    March 24th, 2005 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Mim volunteers in the Pediatrics Ward. She’s trying to atone for her “roadside” days.

  38. King Of All Paperboys
    March 24th, 2005 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Good job on the parenting there, Lynn. Ever wonder WHY yer kids aren’t yet self-sufficient?

    What a sanctimonious cow.

  39. sally
    March 24th, 2005 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Maybe she gives her kids money because they give her so much of her material. Or gave. You gotta wonder whether Michael and Elizabeth’s current lives are the product of Lynn’s wishful thinking, if her real grown kids are still living off “allowances”.

  40. Hysterical Woman
    March 24th, 2005 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    I think you guys are being unfair to Lynn. We don’t know the situation. Since her children are working, it doesn’t seem like she is totally supporting them, just helping them by. Or perhaps they are simply leeching off her. I don’t know the situation, so I won’t judge.

  41. King Of All Paperboys
    March 24th, 2005 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    HW, I was referring to the fact that she failed to instill any values in the little beasts… if their relationship with their mother is dependent on their allowances, they’ve got warped views of money AND of relationships. She herself illustrated this by descibing them as alternately “spoiled” or “resentful.” Sounds like standing on a soup line was exactly what Michael… er, Aaron, needed. Too bad she restored his “allowance” and negated the lesson.

  42. Zipper the mule
    March 24th, 2005 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Sure, she doesn’t want her kids looking forward to her death but doesn’t care that I imagine hacking her comics page family to death.

    Between this and the issues Jeffy is trying to work out over at FC, I’m no longer wondering why most of this crap ain’t funny.

  43. Charles
    March 24th, 2005 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    “And, hey, who wouldn’t be excited and aroused by a new Comics Curmudgeon Tshirt? Once you’ve “been there” you ain’t comin’ back!”

    I’d better cancel my request for a pair of “Gig” boxer shorts then.

  44. Islamorada Girl
    March 24th, 2005 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    All of these comics married Irving so long ago that they can only exist as a ripe, sordid source of po-mo irony. Which is why we are all here, watching Anna puke and Beckers lose her little pals,feeling a sick, guilty pleasure fascination.

    Speaking of sick fascination, if Lynn puts her business out on the street, people are invited to pick it over like early birds at a yard sale.

  45. Aristomedes
    March 24th, 2005 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    What’s even scarier… ‘baby moses bath cartoon’ gets 21,500 hits on google!

  46. Wormie-hermoaphrodisiac
    March 24th, 2005 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    More baby moses Mule !

  47. PizzaBagel
    March 25th, 2005 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    If Lynn Johnston, indeed, intends to discontinue her involvement with FBorFW at the end of her current contract – supposedly in 2007 – she had better start thinking about tieing up loose ends. And with less than three years to go, introducing too many new characters (e.g., Shannon) might not be wise. Granted, the strip has a less glacial pace than some other serials, it sometimes tends to keep plots going for a while. Any word whether she might pass it along to a successor – obviously not one of her progeny? That tack has kept Dennis the Menace limping along for several years now, after Hank Ketcham’s death. We here at Joshreads.com have been told that there’s a fifth Keane kid out there. Maybe Gummo has some unresolved issues that can be projected into comic-strip form via the Patterson clan.

  48. Josh
    May 23rd, 2008 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    “proletariat I had toady”

    TODAY. What sort of backwater, something I have yet to be introduced to, another adjective copy editor are you, Josh? This Josh thinks you’re giving Joshes a bad name.

    -Josh

  49. Anonymous
    September 5th, 2008 at 12:23 am [Reply]

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  50. Tracy
    March 4th, 2010 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Could you help me. Nothing is so good for an ignorant man as silence; and if he was sensible of this he would not be ignorant.
    I am from Cyprus and know bad English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: “Most hippocampal expert studies, however taken earlier, are one cocaine, paxil.”

    Thank you so much for your future answers :D. Tracy.

  51. le my y
    November 14th, 2010 at 8:30 am [Reply]

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  53. Audrey
    October 24th, 2012 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    @daChipster (#16): Don’t you mean to thank Josh for the “props”?

  54. Audrey
    October 24th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @Tracy (#51): No, Tracy. I’m sorry. That was very bad English. I still can’t understand what you were trying to say.

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    May 25th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    July 17th is your birthday? ZOMG, it’s mine too!

    That means we BOTH share a birthday with J. Michael Straczynski, David Hasselhoff, Disneyland, and Phyllis Diller. Who’d’a thunk it?

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