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Metapost: Mesothelioma

I’m just sitting in while Josh is away — no Comments of the Week on my watch. Good news for faithful reader SF_Reader, who can revel in a few extra days of pretend glory!

But I do want to heap praise on our faithful advertisers, without whom this blog would resort to transparent gimmicks like inserting high-value search terms in titles and posts. If you’re actually looking for information on cancer, you’ll want to check out Funky Winkerbean. But if you came here for cosmetic surgery bankruptcy mortgage refinance mobile phone june morgan naked low apr, you’ll just have to look elsewhere — we have standards, you know!

This week’s Ad Love goes out to Devil’s Garden, the new mystery novel from Ace Atkins. Based on the real-life trial of actor Fatty Arbuckle, Devil’s Garden features Roaring-20′s licentiousness, yellow journalism, systemic corruption, and world-weary cynicism: everything, in short, that makes life worth living.

Wait — something else makes life worth living: the generous contributions of faithful readers like you! So a heartfelt thank you to everybody who hit Josh’s Tip Jar this week.

– Uncle Lumpy

43 responses to “Metapost: Mesothelioma”

  1. danzig
    April 12th, 2009 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Is it really possible that I am First?

  2. Talking Squirrel
    April 12th, 2009 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    SF: Instead of taking Ted’s passive-aggressive advice again next Easter, Hil will take Faye’s advice instead and dust the bunny’s ears with aflatoxin.

  3. Yaanu
    April 12th, 2009 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    #1: I just watched a video of you get punched out by a bouncer backstage on YouTube. How do you feel about that?

  4. Muffaroo
    April 12th, 2009 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    I think I’ll re-read Red Harvest instead. It’s been a while since the last time.

  5. queek
    April 12th, 2009 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    I showed the QueeksGirl the Sunday MC, and she thought it was making fun of Bridget as the educated person stuck working retail. Did anyone else get that vibe as well? Ed? Bueller?

  6. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 12th, 2009 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    Well, Bridget’s got a rose-colored-glasses sort of dippiness about her that the strip seems generally affectionate about. If anyone’s explicitly being made fun of, it’s the caricature “shallow guy” guy who incidentally looks like a human wearing a pair of funny ears.

  7. Ukulele Ike
    April 12th, 2009 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Muffaroo @ #4: Oooooo, Red Harvest! I like the lunger in that one.

    Pibgorn has been so ghastly for the last two weeks, I’m thinking about skipping it for the duration and re-reading Maltese Falcon.

  8. Muffaroo
    April 12th, 2009 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    Ukulele Ike @7 – If you want to experience The Maltese Falcon with your eyes closed, go to and look up the Lux Radio Theater version of that. Edward G. Robinson rocks the house as Sam Spade and makes me wish he’d taken on the part in a movie.

  9. Dave
    April 12th, 2009 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    For those that sent an email to the Washington Post to help bring back Judge Parker, the update is this:

    Update: WaPo comics changes

    They haven’t made a decision one way or another.

    They are still “listening”. Which is better than “no”.

    So, it may take another week.

    To “save Judge Parker”.

  10. Poteet
    April 12th, 2009 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    “Pretend glory”? Argh, I am cut to the quick. I have not ridden the float for lo these several weeks, but I look back on my times there, and even more on the sole occasion of being crowned and sceptered with the actual COTW, as Glory, pure and refined.

  11. Moss_Moses
    April 12th, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    9. Dave, their “listening” was more like ignoring regarding Mary Worth, despite my numerous e-protestations. That is one strip that is definitely better in b/w. The colorizing is hideous. Zippy on the other hand, looks pretty good online. As for JP, I wouldn’t hold my breath. They have already downsized and miniaturized the comics to the point where they aren’t going to bring any back and will probably axe even more.

  12. Muffaroo
    April 12th, 2009 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    Poteet @10 – The glory is real, but it’s a pretend float. The beads melt away in the sun.

  13. Muffaroo
    April 12th, 2009 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    …like sea foam.

  14. Dave
    April 12th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]


    Maybe. But what I was told is that normally they will say “no”, but because of the response they are considering bringing it back. I think they want to continue to hear from JP readers. And they know people aren’t happy with the small size of the comics now.

    Popping another can’t hurt asking for Judge Parker’s return to the Post.

  15. nerowolfgal
    April 12th, 2009 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    I love Red Harvest! Every time I read it though, it hits me again how brutal life was in the twenties and thirties, and how cheap and easy-to-write-off a human life was.

  16. Talking Squirrel
    April 12th, 2009 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    14 Dave says: [Newspapers] know people aren’t happy with the small size of the comics now.”

    I’m sure the writers aren’t either. The penny-sized speech ballons require dialogue to become Zen-like. Why, only last week a strip had to use the odd but splittable term “bread products” just because they couldn’t shoehorn “unleavened” into a word balloon and had to invent a clumsy alternative.

    Hence, we’ll see plenty of villains named “Electro” or “Zeeba”, but no more “Mephistopheles”…

  17. Muffaroo
    April 12th, 2009 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    Red Harvest is wonderfully harrowing and lifelike. It’s my favorite Hammett (and his worst is darn good!), just as Red Wind is my favorite Chandler.

  18. Muffaroo
    April 12th, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    Newspapers: “We’re sinking! Quick, get rid of the lifeboats and anything else that floats!”

  19. odinthor
    April 12th, 2009 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Red Harvest? Oh, yes—I love the part where Ed’s combine breaks down, and all the neighbor farmers pitch in to . . . wait a minute . . . we are talking about harvesting Red Wheat, aren’t we?

  20. Mr. O'Malley
    April 12th, 2009 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

  21. sugarpie
    April 12th, 2009 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy Two of our best clients are mesothelioma (defense!) lawyers. They’re awash in $$$. Seems their pool of plaintiffs should’ve dried up by now-but after 20 years they’re still going! They and Batiuk know a good thing when they see it, and have decided, I guess, to ride till the gravy train grinds to a halt. .

    I’ll look for Devil’s Garden.

  22. Muffaroo
    April 12th, 2009 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    Mr. O’Malley @20“Bring back Family Circle!” Now there’s an informed reader.

  23. Winky's Spleen
    April 12th, 2009 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t Family Circle a magazine readily available at the supermarket check-out line? Or does he mean Family CIRCUS? And if so, how the hell come?

  24. mollificent
    April 13th, 2009 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    True Fable…Deena in OR and I just serenaded our respective neighbors singing along to “The Lonely Goatherd” (Facebook chatting and watching “Sound of Music” at the same time)…and of course thought of you!


  25. Deena in OR
    April 13th, 2009 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    True Fable…not to mention the eyeroll I got from dear daughter…. ;)

  26. mollificent
    April 13th, 2009 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    LOL! The advantages of living alone…

  27. kurt
    April 13th, 2009 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Saturday June’s suit’s pink, Sunday it’s Blue, Monday it’s Pink. Must be those 3 moonlighting fairies from Big D’s ‘Sleeping Beauty’ prepping June’s descent into THE BIG SLEEP?

  28. Deena in OR
    April 13th, 2009 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    …Of course, we were both cranking “Godspell” and singing at the top of our lungs today. We all have our Easter rituals….(grin)

  29. commodorejohn
    April 13th, 2009 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    #28 Deena in OR – Allow me to complement you on your excellent taste. I saw the movie version of Godspell at an early age, and it has lived in a certain corner of my mind ever since. It makes going to church an interesting experience, because all it takes is one little phrase here or there to set my brain going with showtunes or ’70s funk-rock.

  30. True Fable
    April 13th, 2009 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    I missed “The Lonely Goatherd”! Turned TSOM on just in time to catch Do Re Mi, and did not get to recite along with “The Ten Commandments” this year; local ABC affiliate did not show it with the network. Oh Moses, Moses.

    I would have enjoyed hearing your renditions!

    Alas, all I can do is wait for one o’clock and look at the old goat wandering around with June and Sarah in Rex Morgan. Snerk.

  31. Deena in OR
    April 13th, 2009 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    commodorejohn…I did Godspell in high school, as did my son 28 years later. He got to play Jesus, though, at his Catholic high school. :)

  32. Deena in OR
    April 13th, 2009 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    Fable, you truly were the first person we thought of ;)

  33. bats :[
    April 13th, 2009 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    Some Monday observations:

    MT: to hell with the storyline…correctly colored mallard ducks! Kudos, you ink-flinging color monkeys!

    Mutts: sadly, my cat would totally do that.

    Phantom: I suspect Big Dude will play a part here. His original storyline was pretty short and pointless.

    RMMD: none of us really care about Willy, June. Just keep wearing that bikini.
    Oh, what the heck…short (like Sarah) and swweeeet (like that bikini):

    FW: cultural illiteracy? Not funny.
    Virtual reality…maybe so:

  34. Brock Sampson
    April 13th, 2009 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    #20: He doesn’t think kids would like PBS, but they would like Blondie? Yeah, the little tykes just can’t get enough of those hilarious water cooler and carpool jokes.

  35. BenG
    April 13th, 2009 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    FOOB: “Hansome guys are everywhere in a hospital.”

    What the hell? Does Lynn think that only the physically attractive get injured or sick? Or that only the physically attractive have the smarts to attain medical degrees? In what universe does this quote make sens?

  36. Poteet
    April 13th, 2009 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    4/13 DT — Wha…?? Dick doesn’t look quite Dickish.

  37. True Fable
    April 13th, 2009 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    #32 Deena in OR: That makes me very happy!

    When people see goats, they think of me! At least when people see me they don’t think of goats. Well, not right away. Hopefully. :D

  38. True Fable
    April 13th, 2009 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    Scenes from Suburban Hell In Suburban Hell, there is no religion, only observances by heathen little boys. Even the Playboy bunny in his basket is in negative.

    Sweet Shallow and STUPID That’s why she gave you the crepe pan, remember? sheesh.

    Fist o Justice Theater Gee golly, Rusty! it’s time to get your talking out loud self the hell home before they hear you narrating your own life!
    The boy is his own Twitter, which makes sense for a twit.

    Marmadick He missed a victim! We saw it here!

    Kit Walker, Voyage Ranger Say, could we have the illustrated Deadliest Catch instead?

    RMMW Geez, these two are just alike! Both ask questions and don’t listen to the answers and don’t give any answers, both wearing hats and sunglasses and *shudder* apparentlly both wearing swim suits. I shudder because Agnes was wearing glasses and a hat and asks questions too. Please lord do not make us see Agnes in a swimsuit tomorrow.

    SFx Slylock has a sister?

  39. True Fable
    April 13th, 2009 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    # 35 BenG – Lynn must have found out I work in a hospital!! That must be it, God knows she’s proven she’s totally delusional in SO MANY ways before.

    Ahh Lynnie Baby, I have told you time and again that The Fable is not for you! My dear, go back to baking your Caribou Turd Casseroles. Oh my little Envelope Full of Fresh Canadian Air, your research as usual consists of watching TV with Peter Parker and concluding that five minutes on QVC and ten minutes watching 40 year old episodes of Doctor in the House is enough to fill you in on current events. This Red Hot Fable has better things to do than to play doctor with you.

    Truman A. Fable
    I’m like George Clooney, only not with looks, style, money… oh fuck it. I’m more like Dr. Scholl’s.

  40. Frank Parsnip
    April 13th, 2009 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    MT: It’s Rusty’s tragic mistake that he’s taken a hyena with him to go shoot pictures of wildlife. As creepy as his own giggling is likely to be, the hyena’s will be worse and only attract more attention from camera-grabbing thugs.

    MW: Having drawn the coffee mug back to the maximum tension possible from his sweater fabric, Dr. Jeff Corey prepares to fire. And to think that the other archers trying out for the Olympic team had laughed at his coffee-mug-firing sweater, not realizing that a face full of hot coffee and porcelain is a much more effective weapon than a blunted target-shooting arrow. Simpletons!

    JP: She wants to live in Beverly Hills but Rocky’s looking for a house? Well, go get ‘em a house in Beverly Hills, you moron…

    Die Phantom: Never has a caption been more deserving of an exclamation mark than “India Voyager II in the Gulf of Mexico!” Well, for ship-spotters, it would warrant an exclamation mark, anyhoo. Well, if that isn’t the Maersk Toledo coming into port over there… I’d better get my binoculars and logbook.

    A3G: Joe Kelly looks about as dumb and irrational as Lu Ann’s Alan looked before he died. But given how similar the blond men in this strip all appear, that’s perhaps splitting hairs a bit too finely. An anthropologist vsiting the A3G world would likely find that just as the Eskimos have 200 different words for “snow,” the A3G characters secretly have 200 different words for “blond”.

    DtM: Dennis keeping tabs on who comes to church? Not menacing until he makes use of it.

  41. Dave
    April 13th, 2009 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    #16 and #18:

    Yes, newspapers can’t get out of the way of their demise. Cutting comics is boneheaded and shortsided.

    But, to the Washington Post’s credit, they are mulling over the changes they made (downsizing from 3 pages to 2 pages, shrinking the size of the comics and cutting 6 comics, including Judge Parker).

    I think this is the make ‘em change it back week.

    If you would email them (again) to ask for

    a) Bring back Judge Parker to the comics.
    b) Make the comics bigger
    c) all of the above.

    Thank you!

  42. MackJ
    April 14th, 2009 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    Mesothelioma: Cradle of civilization

  43. David Sandival
    August 30th, 2009 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Meothelioma: Terrible disease

Comments are closed for this post.