Vaguely misogynist Sunday
Crankshaft, 5/17/09
Oh, they sure showed Pam, for enjoying stereotypical female-oriented televised entertainment! It’s so much better to slouch angrily on the couch in front of the TV and complain about what’s on.
Judge Parker, 5/17/09
At last, we learn where the conflict will come from in this story about the saintly Rocky Ledge: his wife, Godiva Danube, is a comical shrew, you see! Sparks will no doubt fly at dinner at the Spencer-Driver Compound, when Godiva learns that the “Arabians” available for sale are horses, and not people from the Arabian Peninsula.
mollificent
May 17th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Sunny Sunday!
Curtis: I found this quite hilarious. Of course, in real life The Donald would probably say that Twinkie’s answer was right, because her great beauty automatically gave her answer more weight than the others’. *eyeroll*
I really, really wish that joke wasn’t founded in reality. Sigh.
RMMD: Brain bleach. Please. I implore you. Between the Jolly Green Midget in the penultimate panel and the just-satiated, barely clothed good doctor in the last, I’m choking on my bagel here.
Zits: That’s chemical warfare, that is.
Mac
May 17th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
“It’s so much better to slouch angrily on the couch in front of the TV and complain about what’s on.”
Wait — so Crankshaft is a superhero now?
Carly
May 17th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
I’m glad I’m not the only one who had that thought about the “Arabians” conversation. There’s absolutely no context that someone could discern horses from in that comic, especially if that person didn’t happen to know about Arabian horses.
mollificent
May 17th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
P.S. Oh, and yesterthread #83 bats :[ … Something about Andy hurling himself forward while going “Rooby Dooby Doo!” just slew me. Thanks for making me wake up the neighbors. :)
(Confidential to commodorejohn: Would that the recorder had been running…)
P.P.S. Happy Birthday, buckyswife!
Uncle Lumpy
May 17th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
I really admire the close collaboration between artist and writer in today’s Judge Parker — Baretto shows us Rocky’s tiny hat in the third panel, foreshadowing Wilson’s revelation of his tiny manbits in the last.
Uncle Lumpy
May 17th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
And when the hell is Crankshaft going to do something about those blackheads on his nose? Really, the guy’s attitude is sterling compared to his revolting personal hygiene.
Howlin' Wolf
May 17th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Their wives will be delighted. Hmm. I think we just discovered how the Parkerverse’s menfolk get away with being so steadfastly sexless: They outsource their bedroom duties to the genus Equus.
Donkey Hotey
May 17th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
9CL: YES! Redemption!
Joe Blevins
May 17th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
I just want to know why the ’shaft is watching the drag version of Mask with Eric Stoltz.
Gojira
May 17th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
S-M: “Spider-Man: A muderous masked menace or a modern-day crusader?” Well, since riding a cab with an elderly aunt he dumped in a hospital parking lot and didn’t check on till the next day, declaring poverty to try and get her to spring for the fare, then shooting a web from his bare palm (!) for the sake of avoiding a few light raindrops on a short walk to the door is neither murderous or crusading, I’d say: None of the above.
Gojira
May 17th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Just an FYI. If anyone’s in or going to New York City in early June, two comics-related events coming up:
1. MoCCA (Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art) Art Festival, June 6 – 7. Low ticket price, features independent comics and comic strips, Ed Power’s (My Cage) attending!
2. Big Apple Con Summer Sizzler, June 13. Free admission. Among other guests, Joe Giella, former DC Comics, current Mary Worth artist. Maybe he’ll have some of these to autograph. (Hey, don’t blame me, I got it from Josh)
Baby M
May 17th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Desperate Anatomy sounds like the darker, edgier version of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. Didn’t think Crankshaft was the kind of guy who watches stuff like that.
Patrick
May 17th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
If you combined Batiuk’s two comics, you’d get Winky Cranky, which I’m pretty sure is a massage parlor in the Tenderloin.
Donkey Hotey
May 17th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
My Cage: I’d like to add my second to Queek’s (Y#101) comment that today’s strip rocked. Ed, please consider some way of throwing Norm and Lily together more often, like maybe a regular babysitting gig or something. (Maybe even an ill-fated romance between Norm and Maureen.) Lily and Norm’s interactions are always hilarious.
Also, if you’re going to keep Norm and Bridget broken up, you have a lot of updating to do on your “My Cage” website. Just sayin’.
Brock Sampson
May 17th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Is depicting your characters laughing uproariously at whatever pathetic half-joke you came up with today the comics equivalent of the laugh track? It has the same whiff of desperation about it.
Baka Gaijin
May 17th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
What is this? A Josh posting every day during the weekend? Whaaa???
Gojira
May 17th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
SF, last panel: Wow. One spritz of water and has Ted ever looked so dainty? Has Sally ever looked so macho? What hath Hillary wrought?
bats :[
May 17th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Oh, crap! They’re now testing Crankshaft in the Arizona Daily Star!
Steve S
May 17th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
“Hmm, I exhausted both possible name combinations, and neither was funny. I’d better have two characters laugh to indicate there was a punchline anyway, so everyone can safely move on to reading the obituaries.”
Poteet
May 17th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
JP — So are Godiva and Rocky even responsible enough to be good horse owners? From what we’ve seen and heard of this dynamic duo so far, I’m not at all sure that Abbey will be “delighted” to host them.
McManx
May 17th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Crankshaft — They never broached the name combination “Housewives Anatomy,” because that sounds to much like the cable porn they watch in the wee hours after Pam goes to bed.
Poteet
May 17th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
ReFoob — Lizzie is traumatized. Hilarious!
bats :[
May 17th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
yUkelele Ike re BStarr: there ARE lions in India (they were once incredibly widespread, throughout the Middle East and into India). They are extinct in the Mideast now, and the populations in India are very much endangered.
Happy B-day to buckyswife! Hope you’re feeling better soon, too!
5. Uncle Lumpy: maybe Rocky’s tiny hat is something like a fancified codpiece (so it can be smaller), or maybe it’s like a gi-jumbo belt buckle that rodeo cowboys wear. (Damn, going back to look at it, it IS a tiny hat! Like something one of those rodeo monkeys that ride dogs wear…)
I’m hoping that Abbey makes a nice chicken for her dinner guests. I think Rocky, at least, would appreciate the “special herbs” and seasonings. And maybe Abbey and Godiva can go riding after dinner. Real fast. Over uneven terrain. Naked.
I’ve said too much.
dreadedcandiru2
May 17th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
#22: Poteet — As always, the panels the paper dropped add nothing to the story.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
May 17th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
It’s so much better to slouch angrily on the couch in front of the TV and complain about what’s on.
Especially when they could be slouching angrily in front of their computers, complaining about the Sunday comics. Haha! I’m kidding. Nobody would be that pathetic. And certainly nobody would be even more pathetic and read those complaints, or — God forbid! — comment on them.
Uncle Lumpy
May 17th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
#13 Patrick –
Funkshaft Crankerbean.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick of the Jungle Patrol
May 17th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
10 COMMENT="HOW TO APPEAR TO ENJOY A TOM BATIUK COMIC"
20 READ (NEXT PANEL)
30 SUPPRESS VOMIT
40 IF (PANEL=2 AND DAY="SUNDAY")
THEN (CHUCKLE KNOWINGLY)
60 IF (CHARACTER SMIRKING) OR (CHARACTER HORRIFIED)=T
THEN (CHUCKLE)
70 IF (DEAD CHARACTER)=T
THEN (SMILE WISTFULLY)
80 IF (CHARACTER CRYING)=T
THEN (TEAR UP)
90 IF (PANEL="LAST")
THEN (LAUGH UPROARIOUSLY)
ELSE (GOTO 20)
100 END
Baka Gaijin
May 17th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
#27 The Spectacular etc.: Is that really SSB or AJGLU-3000 trying to address the Mudgeon collective directly?
Erik A.
May 17th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
RMMD: Two words – talking boobies.
skullcrusherjones
May 17th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Horses? Damn, I was hoping Rocky would slap a saddle on some sheiks.
NoahSnark
May 17th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
#13 Patrick -
Funky Shaft
Steve L
May 17th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
In today’s Mary Worth, Jeff appears to have been possessed by the Devil, if his Flaming Eyes of Doom and Despair are any indication. Of course, we all know it’s just Mary using her witchcraft to spy on everyone around her.
NoahSnark
May 17th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Inspired by the talk of Arabians, Rocky buys his wife a weekend getaway in Kuwait – then makes sure her suitcase is packed with nothing but tube tops and mini skirts. “It will be hot precious – I just want to make sure you are dressed appropriately”.
Angry Kem
May 17th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
PJ is a medieval hero again today.
I have a question about today’s Marvin. The question is:
Why the bloody hell is this meant to be funny in any way at all? It looks like the middle bit of a continuing story, not a self-contained joke. I am fond of continuity/humour strips, but Marvin has never tried to fit into the first category, and it is clearly failing at the second. The pissy little dog dug up a water pipe! Yah ha ha ha ha hah haaaaaaah!
I…hate…this…strip…so…very…bloody…much…
BigTed
May 17th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I enjoyed the way “Judge Parker” conveyed the grating awfulness of Godiva’s calls through the annoyingly loud “BZZZZ! BZZZ!” sound of the phone, which actually seemed to make it shake without the vibrate setting being activated. I wonder if that’s part of the phone’s original equipment, or if Rocky downloaded Verizon’s official “Shrewish Wife” ringtone?
Alan's Addiction
May 17th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Oh, yes, watch as Crankshaft giggles like a first grader at vaguely sexualized TV titles. I pray that this is the final incident that drives Pam to slit their throats as they sleep.
This is the second or third day that Judge Parker has not featured attractive, scantily clad women, and without them, the strip has lost all of its appeal. It’s just a bunch of upper-class jerks (with porn star names) talking about their next lucrative contract, or their next pointless purchase; it’s essentially the illustrated version of “The Wall Street Journal.” Which means that, at its finest (with scantily clad women), Judge Paker is really just “The Wall Street Journal Swimsuit Edition.”
Comrade Denny
May 17th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
MW: Dr. Jeff sure is suspicious of the detective who, after all, was kind enough to save his daughter from marrying a grifter. Could it be he’s worried that the good detective will deduce that Dr. Corey’s been prescribing himself ever-increasing amounts chlorpromazine and other powerful psychotropic drugs to deal with the self-loathing and despair he feels for dating Mary Worth? It’s not much of a deduction, though. More of a foregone conclusion.
Slylock: Props to today’s strip for teaching children how to draw a masturbating man. They’ll need to be able to recognize one should they ever visit NYC. Also, today’s “How to Draw” is actually pretty good instruction-wise, with each successive picture adding a only few more details on to the previous. Usually “How to Draw” progresses from a few squiggles to a vague outline to a completed Pieter Bruegel painting.
Calico
May 17th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
#37 – Ha, two-handed pocket pool.
Beetle – Killer has just got to be wearng a Viagra ring.
FC – It’s funny because the Keanes never have their pets vaccinated!
DtM – Gee, Mr. Wilson, for brats you say they are, they sure do spend a lot of time in your kitchen and bathroom.
3G – And, for the first time, Margo walks in on Gabriella and her lesbian lover.
Comrade Denny
May 17th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
#38 – Calico: Are you saying that Margo’s going to walk in on Gabriella and Tommie?
cj
May 17th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Shaft:
Actually, Desperate Housewives can be quite enjoyable, even witty. Unfortunately, I have missed most of this past season, so maybe the writing went to hell when I wasn’t looking.
Grey’s Anatomy, however, is a different story. I remember when they were advertising for the premiere back in 04 or 05, and I thought, “Why are they using a The Postal Service single? Granted, I haven’t partook of as much of Ben Gibbard’s work as I would like, but Death Cab seems to be a good band. The people behind this show are using a song from an associated act because it’s also a Seattle band? Ugh. This looks shitty – I’m not going to watch it.”
J
May 17th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
oddly enough, i sympathize with crankshaft’s daughter(inlaw?), i also find stoned people annoying.
Larry McAwful
May 17th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Godiva Danube may be a comical shrew, but she sure does remind me of my father-in-law’s soon-to-be-ex-wife. Whose birthday is in a couple of weeks. Which we don’t have to worry about anymore. Yay!
Nate Fakes
May 17th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Yea, I don’t think he’s talking about horses. Sounds as though he’s trying to make-up for possible male disorder.
Calico
May 17th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
#39 – Hopefully so, with Ruby there as well.
Horse Sense
May 17th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
“Just a tip, Mr. Ledge, if she gives you a wink, that means she’s receptive. That can be applied to either Abbey or the mare, according to your tastes.”
UncleJeff
May 17th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
JP: I, and several other ‘Mudgeons, thought Rocky and Godiva were going to be a parody of “Brangelina”. Now, I’m thinking Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman…or George Jones and Tammy Wynette. If Godiva shows up looking like “Hannah Montana”, oh oh.
Poewar
May 17th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
If you combine Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft you get Chunky Barf Intake… oh, and it spells that too.
Lolsworth
May 17th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
“Yeah, if you combine the names of two popular television shows, you sure will get a combination of the words in those names! High five, my brother!”
And then Crankshaft breaks his forearm, elbow and wrist in the attempt.
Cool not Cold
May 17th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
SF: I love Ted and Sally’s wet hair look. I think they should keep their hair wet at all times so they will look more with-it and not so 1975-ish. And Ted? Please do some finger exercises. Those little pointy fingers of yours just creep me out.
dale
May 17th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Family Circus
1) Does P.J. stand for Potty Jokes?
2) Isn’t that their own dog, Upchuck?
Prince Valiant
Shouldn’t that be Gawain? Maybe Gawain decided a quick name switch would be in order as he hauled ass out of town.
Does Galahad ever show up in PV?
Sheila Sternwell
May 17th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Sure, a reference to “Arabians” in Juggs Parker made us think this bemulletted actor was asking to look at some caged human beings instead of prized horses. We laugh because Wilson & Barretto forgot context in today’s strip. But I ask you fine people: when — WHEN — has JP ever given us context? Too many close-ups of bemused looks, yes. Suspiciously shiny board room tables, of course. Breasts, that goes without saying. But context? Never!
UncleJeff
May 17th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
50 dale: Galahad did show up in PV a couple of weeks ago (I was surprised. It’s the first time in years of reading PV that I recall him being there). Although, I think it would’ve been more appropriate that the 80 foot long monitor lizard would be an alcohol-fueled hallucination of Gawain (Run away, Sir Robin…run away!)
Captain Thunder
May 17th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
JP: I think “Arabians” is some sort of code word; Sam and Mullet McGee are using it in contexts where it would be a hell of a lot easier to say “horses.” It’s probably some sort of weird lawyer-sex lingo, like “teabagging” or “watersports” or “amicus curiae.”
The other possibility is that they have Reverse Herb-Jamaal Syndrome (RHJS), which manifests as the inability to describe anything in terms other than the excruciatingly specific, usually involving proper nouns.
Mr. O'Malley
May 17th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
MT: During the recent bushfires in Victoria, koalas drank water.
http://www.odt.co.nz/news/world/42848/koala-rescued-bushfire-wasteland
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=do9AoKyjjQg
MW: Unfortunately, this strip never really follows through on any of its stories. Otherwise, we could watch charges against Ted being dropped because the detective is dating one of the victims. He could get some decent legal representation for 50 grand.
sugarpie
May 17th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
46 Uncle Jeff I dont know that it’s still not a Brangelina arc. Poor Rocky has that embarrassed, henpecked look that Brad Pitt perpetually wears now that he has to tend all those kids. A look that also says “OK, Mr. Mephistopheles Pa’dner, I’ve changed my mind. This aint working out like I thought.”
Les of the Jungle Patrol
May 17th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
The most amusing part of the Crankshaft is the throwaway panel, in which Schwarzenegger’s presidential run gets derailed (ala Giuliani) when pictures surface of him in a blond wig.
This is also, as far as I know, the first real clue that the great leap forward in the Funkyverse has definitely placed things in our future. The lack of newer consumer gadgets probably owes to Batuik correctly predicting the economic meltdown and resultant slowdown in new consumer goods being introduced. Plus all the workers at Apple got cancer.
Amateur
May 17th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Sorry, Josh, I gotta side with Crankshaft this time. (Steps aside, waits for lightning strike to be over) As a girl who finds “Grey’s” so girly as to be nauseating (“more womany than Audrey Hepburn doing her toenails in a field of daisies,” quoth Bridget Nelson), I found “Desperate Anatomy” pretty darned funny. And if that’s juvenile of me, well, so be it. :-)
#55 — Best description I ever heard of Brad Pitt’s facial expression, and I wish I could remember who wrote it: “I was just trying to get laid. What am I doing in Africa?”
Little Guy
May 17th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
Crankshaft: Izzie would have been killed by Edie, Meredith and Derek would have been found to be brother and sister with Dr Webber as their father, and Mrs McClusky would be the new Chief of Staff.
Seriously.
Lio: They’re gonna get letters…..
BB: Nice nod to the strip’s history.
S4th: I thought what Ted said, before I hit the last panel. And didn’t Hill offer the ears?
WyH: He’s also Dr Webber’s son.
JP: Are they going to tie the two storylines together?
PV: Okay, who was watching the Sci Fi Channel Satrday Night Creature Feature?
Flashbacks: Dumbass Rebels.
Classic Peanuts: Worse. It’s recycled from WW2 scrap metal. They scratched out “Eva” and wrote in “Charlie”.
Donald the Anarchist
May 17th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
CS Of course, what’s actually showing is Desperately Horny Housewives because Pam naively thought the two men in her life would enjoy some pornography, but they’re just upset that they have to look at icky girls, even if they are nekkid.
JP I am Sam!
I speak for my wife!
She should cut off my balls
With a carving knife!
Uncle Lumpy
May 17th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
#59 Donald –
Try as I may, I cannot read your moniker as anything but “Donald the Antichrist” — which is silly, ’cause Trump owns that trademark.
queek
May 17th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
50: Sir Gawain is a regular in PV, Galahad is not. This is the first time that I’ve seen Sir Galahad in like, ever.
Gawain here: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3195/2855100864_e7f0c30a49.jpg?v=0
boojum
May 17th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Captain Thunder @53: I’m loving me the concept of Reverse Herb-Jamaal Syndrome (RHJS). I think that’s what the writer of Gil Thorp suffers from. The fact that, as an RHJS sufferer, he also has aphasia goes a long way toward explaining the dialog there.
“Deep Right Fielder Terry Frances ‘The Hankmeister’ Hankmeister, currently residing with his parents Royal Otis and Dorothy Luanne Hankmeister at 14537 Huguenot-Walloon Drive in West Milford, shoops a loopadoop in the brilllig of the ninetoonth to deglaze the ol’ cochon! Over to you, Marty…”
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
May 17th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Shouldn’t it be “Grey’s Housewives?” It would be about a lesbian named Grey who has a bunch of wives but none of them know about each other! It would be more interesting than a bunch of monochromatic housewives. SO THERE.
boojum
May 17th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
bats[: @23:
I’ve said too much.
No, no, no! You’re fine! Just… fine. Please continue!!
Captain Thunder
May 17th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Commercial:
A young boy and a doctor sit at a table in a clean, well lit room. Light from an open window gives the scene a wholesome, hopeful look.
DOCTOR: Okay Johnny, what’s this? (Holds up apple)
JOHNNY: It’s a late-stage Rhode Island Greening roughly two weeks after picking.
DOCTOR: No, Johnny, it’s an “apple”. “Apple.”
VOICEOVER: Like literally tens of others, Johnny here suffers from RHJS. But with your timely donation, we can cure RHJS within our lifetimes. Please donate today.
Reverse Herb-Jamaal Syndrome: Not just a degenerative loggorhetic neurological aphasia, but a “condition.” Or “disease.” “Disease” works, too.
Paid for by the National Alliance for Sequential-Art-Related Neurological Disorders (NASARND) and the Reverse Herb-Jamaal Syndrome Council.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 17th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
JP: Guess Billy Ray Cyrus doesn’t really wear the Levi’s at his ranch. Ha! Women! What are you gonna do?
H&J: No honor among restaurateurs, I see.
BB: We learn beyond a doubt that Killer’s hat wiggles are a kind of auxiliary erection. I, um, didn’t really need that confirmed.
RMMD: In the last panel, Rex waits breathlessly for the ship’s doctor to uncross his legs.
H&L: Tune in next week for more baby wackiness! Trixie’s daycare provider notices that she’s covered in itchy red welts and calls social services. Hilarity ensues.
buckyswife
May 17th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Belated “thanks” for the birthday (and health) wishes; if I weren’t so danged old now, I’d have been back online earlier.
Mr. O'Malley
May 17th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Like the old Scottish joke where the teacher is having the first-grade children identify animals from pictures she holds up.
(Holds up picture of sheep) What’s this, Hamish?
(tearfully) Ah dinna ken, miss!
Go on, just take a guess.
Ah’m nae sure, but it might be a Border Leicester.
TennesseeJed
May 17th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
“Sparks will no doubt fly at dinner at the Spencer-Driver Compound, when Godiva learns that the “Arabians” available for sale are horses, and not people from the Arabian Peninsula.”
It doesn’t help that anyone who actually has arabian horses calls them “Arabs”. Yeah, it took a lot of will power to even type “arabian horses” there.
Mibbitmaker
May 17th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
5/16 GA: From self-hating misogyny to misandry in one strip. What’s that saying again? “Two wrongs don’t make a right, unless you’re Lynn Johnston”….?
5/17 Cranky: Vaguely sexual unfunny “joke” causes woman to enact sexist woman-with-no-sense-of-humor portrayal — and she thinks the guys are demeaning women?? Riiiiiiiiiiight….
Then again, if she were just being pissed off at Batiuk for doing such unfunny strips, I’d sympathize (though, by Crankshaft standards, the joke’s practically Larry Gelbart-worthy today)
JP: That dinner at the Drivers will be the most awkward dinner since Jim and Pam supped at Michael and Jan’s place on “The Office”.
Sister Sestina
May 17th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Can we be entirely sure that it’s not human-type Arabians spoken of in JP? Especially if Godiva = Angelina; Rocky may be doing some scouting for the next adoption.
Steven
May 17th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Crankshaft reminds me of that Groucho Marx comment about how he found TV educational. When it is on, he went to the next room and read a book.
Which is the smart way to do it, really. Snarking while someone else is enjoying their show is just a way to enrich divorce attys.
He could be on the internet writing some commentary there.
Dagger
May 17th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
“Huh huh, and yeah, what if you crossed Lost with Fringe? You’d get…uh….um…DAMMIT.”
Paleoperdon
May 17th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Granted, Beetle Bailey has seemed to write itself for a long time now, but am I the only one worried that with today’s strip, it seems to be self-aware?
Teragram
May 17th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
70 Mibbitmaker: I might be slightly more sympathetic with that viewpoint if this woman weren’t written by a man. You really can’t blame a fictional woman for portraying women badly. I mean, it’s not even like an actress had to agree to play this shrew. Although, newspapers had to agree to carry this comic, which is, frankly, unconscionable.
Muffaroo
May 17th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
ChattyGenes @Y71 – You’re looking at a rather early Rick O’Shay. Lynde’s art got better and better, and he stopped drawing people of any sort with potato noses. By the time he retired, his art was like a visual poem, different from, but on a par with, Gus Arriola’s “Gordo.”
bats :[ @Y83 – In the ‘great minds’ department, I’ll repost “NOW, ANDY!” from Friday. If three more people look at it, it’ll double my page views.
Yael @Y87 – I’ve had my Lava Lite since the 90s. It was a birthday present from somebody who knew I needed one. It used to be (in the, uh, 70s) that the only redeeming part of a visit to my dentist was watching the slow morphing of the red blob, and I hated being the first appointment, because it would mean the lamp hadn’t warmed up yet. I have a mood ring, too, which I got about 1980.
True Fable @Y95 – Detective Jeff correctly deduced that Adrian was a sucker, but then he drew the wrong conclusion. His interest will quickly wane when he realizes his mistake.
MWorth – If I’d had anything in my nose, that blue/yellow shot of Adriacula intoning “I have a date” in what must be Lurch-like tones would have cleared it right out and dinged it off the desktop. Sort of “snrch– DING!”
SFox – The key is on the ground under the eel. It’s a skeleton key!
Zippy – Zippy returns to his “Bi-bi-bi-bi-bi…” roots.
DTracy – Well, there’s still time for the gambling boss to turn out to be somebody with one arm!
JParker – I get it! ‘Arabians’ is one of those guy words. Let’s go look at some Arabians! I love looking at Arabians! They’ll end up outside the window of Curves with their faces up to the glass, saying, whoa! Check out those ‘Arabians’! Sam will be smiling along, and inwardly thinking, “but this is just a bunch of *girls*!
Brock Sampton @15 – What, you never noticed the “yak yak!” look the characters in Snuffy Smif get every single time anybody says anything? I think it’s cartoonist shorthand for “This is the last panel.”
Captain Thunder @65 – Wouldn’t ‘Reverse Herb-Jamaal Syndrome’ just be JHS?
Dingo
May 17th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
bats (yesterthread): I see you found my favorite Paul Rudd image… the one of him lounging naked in bed with a sheet precariously draped over his tender bits. Ohhhhh, Paulllll.
Today’s Rex Morgan is a keeper. The dwarf says to June Morgan, “You don’t like willy, do you?” Kid, the only way she’s gonna see a willy is if she hires a kid to clean out the garage!
Poteet
May 17th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
DT — So what “city” is this supposed to be, and is it supposed to be anywhere near Peosta where B.O. was dumped? Never mind. Trying to make sense out of DT is even sadder than Adrian’s search for true love.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
May 17th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Mary Worth is reminding me of the movie Laura recently. Mostly because the girl ends up with the cop.
And because you can’t tell if it’s a dream sequence or not. And the lingering hope that old, interfering predator will get shot at the end.
Still, I can’t imagine anybody calling Adrian “not exactly classical, but sweet.” And if somehow she did come to have a musical theme written for her (as Laura did), it would not feature woodwinds, signifying sexual or other experience. Nor would it have drums, or pianos or anything remote interesting. Maybe an out of tune kazoo.
Mary’s theme song, on the other hand, would have kettle drums, Wagner tubas, horns, things played with hammers, a lot of wrong notes, very trite phrases and the sense that everybody who heard it wanted to run away. So maybe a fire alarm could go off in the middle.
A fog horn could symbolize the bum boat . . .. I feel a very preachy musical coming on!
Dingo
May 17th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
If music hath charms to sooth the savage breast, Adrian Cory’s theme could only be played on a bassoon.
bats :[
May 17th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
77. Dingo: that is a G.R.E.A.T. Paul Rudd photo; I’d never seen it before. I looked at it quite a while. He is, indeed, all things to all women, and to some men, too.
(Hey, mr. bats :[ are in Sin City this week…any chance your employer is sending you out that way?)
(Oh, yeah, that also means I’m leaving two neurotic cats and PhotoShop at home. Sigh.)
bats :[
May 17th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
81. bats :[ : I *knew* that didn’t look quite right…it ought to be mr. bats :[ and I will be in Sin City… Computer conference for him, scrounging around used book, CD and music stores for me.
Mel
May 17th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
I find Judge Parker much more coherent if I replace “Arabians” with “lesbians”. There…thats better.
Dingo
May 17th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
bats :[, alas, I won’t be in Sin City anytime soon. Our trainer out there has asked me to shoot a video with our CEO this week at my location. Supposedly they’re sending me out there sometime but it’s moving along like an Apt. 3G storyline. I should make it before the Mayan calendar ends or Carrie Prejean wins an Academy Award.
sally
May 17th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Does the “Shrewish Wife” ringtone come with the complementary “freezing cold anger/raging hot anger” dialogue balloons, or is that extra?
Hank
May 17th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
LuAnn. So, rather than make a catty comment about Tiffany’s clothing, Bernice chose to notice, and comment upon, Tiffany’s breasts. Color me unsurprised.
bobbaloo
May 18th, 2009 at 12:12 am
In Monday’s Mary Worth, the part of Mary will be played by Peter Falk in panel 1
automandc
May 18th, 2009 at 12:12 am
Drat, after midnight and no one commented on any of the multiple insanities that occurred in Sunday’s Blondie.
Readem and Laf
May 18th, 2009 at 12:16 am
JP Panel 3: That’s not a ten gallon hat — it’s a ten ounce hat!
It’ll squeeze his brain, proving he’s fake.
Last panel: “Ooh… The world is spinning. Gotta go now…”
BTW, Greasy, stringy unkempt hair is not a “mullet.”
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 18th, 2009 at 12:18 am
Annie: JD theater! Fast pacing. A+!
Dick: The fast stuff happens slow and stupidly, the art is seriously awful. WTF? Don’t the Gould heirs care?
Phantom: Zenda! Or will Rex be Barney Custer?
True Fable
May 18th, 2009 at 12:27 am
Fist O Justice Theater Waitaminute waitaminute. Let me get this out of my system: Rusty goes to college. Bwahahaha…! Okay. This was the kid who couldn’t fathom just buying a new camera with that $500 the idiot threw at him? I mean sure, the camera had sentimental value but if he lost it in a tornado or something it would be just as gone. Face it, the kid wouldn’t be able to survive college, and live on Ramen noodles and microwave mac & cheese like any respectable college kid. No, he’d have to wait until a pair of crooks robbed a grocery so Mark could maul them and collect a reward.
Meddling Heights Chapter Eighty Eight in which Mary has something wrong with her all-seeing eye! I don’t know which is creepier, Jeff’s unusual anxiety for his (albeit dumb as dirt) adult daughter, or Mary’s funky eye job in panel one. And why is she so anxious to pair up Adrian with the first man to stumble into view? For an old prude Mary certainly is anxious for Adrian to get Something More! This makes me wonder if she’s some sort of bedroom gymnast, and that thought just made me temporarily blind.
RMMW Rex, just because the man is in front of you in his bathrobe, it does not mean you should drop your hand behind your word balloon in panel two. Decorum, Rex, for pity’s sake.
Sam Driver, Chick MAAAAAoh goodness me Eduardo Barreto for God 2009.
bitter law student
May 18th, 2009 at 12:28 am
That’s funny, Crankshaft, I didn’t know there was a tranny on either Grey’s or Housewives. Maybe she’s actually watching Brothers and Sisters. ZING! Oh man, that’s good comedy. Almost as good as the art.
Brock Sampson
May 18th, 2009 at 12:42 am
#88: I would have said something about Blondie, but was too ashamed to confess that I couldn’t even figure out what the joke is supposed to be. Why is he holding the phone? And what’s the last panel all about? It’s like some kind of dadaist anti-art…
True Fable
May 18th, 2009 at 12:44 am
Children of the Circle I’ve been studying today’s panel and I still haven’t figured out what the hell is the deal.
In this particular block of Suburban Hell (just down the street from Hi & Lois) we have never seen evidence before of graffiti artists or pranksters, much less anyone who would even want to mark on a simple garage sale sign. When did Wholesome Street turn into a jaded alley where punk kids with magic markers can just leave dotted trails across anyone’s lawn and mess up innocent yard sale signs?
And just how do we know young BILLY wasn’t the corrupted youth who pulled this stunt on his own mother? Yeah, bring out all that inner anger about her having more children and therefore ousting you from your Beloved Only Child status! That’ll teach her! Her tacky little knickknacks and crappy worn out babyclothes and broken toys (that’s all that is ever shown in this strip is hand-me-downs and crap laying around all over the place, what else is there?) have been compromised by the word GARBAGE on the sign! Wash down the driveway all you want, woman! You won’t sell your garbage this day!
Otherwise, this is a WTF strip if I ever saw one.
True Fable
May 18th, 2009 at 12:54 am
Faulty Wordjabber See, I used to sit through similar “motivational” speeches like hers, and I guarantee you that all the kids in her audience will get out of it is, “oh right, she was talking about bills and credit cards and shit like that. I guess she’s in the Hall of Fame because she got overcharged more than anyone else or something.”
We all know the truth: in ‘Beanland, Life hands you cancer and you pay for it by coming back to haunt people with your ghost. Only in ‘Beanland are you marginally more interesting dead than alive.
Mibbitmaker
May 18th, 2009 at 1:09 am
#87 (bobbaloo):
Mary (as Columbo): “….Say, am I bodderin’ you?”
Other person: “All the time! Everyone!”
Poteet
May 18th, 2009 at 1:29 am
5/18
MW — Wait just a corn-pickin’ minute. Adrian has known the detective for a “few weeks”? What “few weeks”? Why didn’t we get to see them? Not that her interaction with Detective Bland would have been riveting, but at least we could have found out if she ever bothered to ask about the fifty thou, and whether he ever bothered to mention that dating her might seriously mess up the legal case against Ted.
Waaaaaait another minute. I cannot stand to torture myself by rereading the past month of strips, but something about this “few weeks” doesn’t seem to make sense. Wasn’t there one prolonged scene in which Detective Bland helped to arrest Ted, took Adrian into his office, broke the news to her about Ted’s wives, handed her a glass of water, and then asked her out? What did he do, ask her out on a date that would occur a “few weeks” later?
Are all these people on drugs? Am I?
True Fable
May 18th, 2009 at 1:32 am
Cathy (Must Die!) “Sick of badly drawn comic strips that tell the same predictable six jokes year in and year out! Pblttt!”
Assoline Galley Stop looking at me!
Redneck Animals Pluggers are fat! Ha ha ha, that never gets old. Apparently.
IFHZ Oh, I don’t know. Having someone say something like “Descartes is so full of it” and “Paisley shelf paper! Thoughts?” sounds like the average day at Fable House.
# 97 O Poteet, my queen! – exactly my thoughts. There was NO HINT whatsoever in those tedious strips between Detective Sherbert and Adrian Limplocks that the action was taking place over time. It’s like Mary’s suddenly flying to Vietnam, full of WTF and little else.
Poteet
May 18th, 2009 at 1:34 am
# 97 — Arrrgh, now I seem to remember that he didn’t actually ask her out during the glass of water scene, but that we found out he had asked her out during the highly embarrassing Mary-accosts-her hospital scene. Or was it during the humiliating talk-with-Jeff scene? So maybe there really were a few weeks during which Adrian and Detective Bland got to know each other without Mary harassing them. Is that even possible? Oh, the hell with it. Sorry for the rant. I’m going to bed.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 18th, 2009 at 1:34 am
From the future May 18th:
JP: This is one strip I don’t care that I can’t follow the story. Fantastic eye candy.
Annie: predictable – but good.
Dick: Seriously, why isn’t the place blanketed with cops? This strip’s decline baffles me. When did the Moon People say goodbye?
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 18th, 2009 at 1:45 am
18th.
SFox: what if the wind currents do cross. Scale and size can deceive.
Luann: Is TJ murdered and in the freezer? He’s not cock-blocking the duo.
Mibbitmaker
May 18th, 2009 at 2:00 am
Not 5/17 anymore:
9CL: RERUNS
A3G: Ah, the nuclear family together once more! Appropriate, because Margo is given to going ballistic.
DT: Jack…phone…..phone… Jack… phone jack! That’s a joke, son…!
DT2: “No OOF!… Tell ‘em OUCHIE!… I’m busy ERG!… right nOW!”
ReFOOB: Ellie has weird knuckle configurations (last panel). Goes with the sharp, pointy fingers, I guess.
FW: Is she addressing the student body? — or Wall Street?
GA: If you want to get sued by Paws, Inc., you will.
HotC: Speaking of lawsuits, good luck dealing with Disney lawyers, kids!
GF: I rather like “Otherpedia”.
GT: “Gil Thorp, Sarcasm Division”
JP, Sunday: How can Rocky stay married to such a stereotypical shrew like that??
JP, Monday: Ah!
MW: Yeah: sex, Einstein!
Ghost-Who-Mishaps-Maybe: Oh, great, now we’ll never get to the Jungle Patrol women!
Popeye: This is no time to slightly misquote “Hello, How Am I?”, Olive!
SFx: Koppy Kat… Krazy Kat and Offisa Pupp’s beatnik son??
S-M: Stretched you, Parker? You’re NOT Plastic Man, y’know!
Zits: Not a 24-a-day Non Sequitur… more like a 24-hour-a-day Zippy the Pinhead.
True Fable
May 18th, 2009 at 2:00 am
#100 Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fiord – I miss the Moon People. Seriously, that was the most fun (well, most unironic fun) I’ve ever had with this strip. Basically, whoever was doing the strip at the time decided the storyline was just TOO bizarre even for Dick Tracy, plus he thought the moon craze was just about over. So he killed off Moon Maid *Sob!* and that made Moon Man (who was my hero) so pissed off he said “Fuck you guys with a comet of blazing hot shitstream,” and closed off the moon from further exploration. Apparently he also took away the police forces’ funky little hovercars too because they haven’t been used since.
I say Bring back to Moon Men; if you can beat the crap out of playing cards and run over construction workers with a Caterpiller tractor on the Christmas Day strip, you can surely sell the reading public on people with antenna sticking out of their noggins.
Sheila Sternwell
May 18th, 2009 at 2:26 am
Another day, another set of juggs in Juggs Parker. Finally, we have context.
Chert the Chort
May 18th, 2009 at 3:40 am
Holy crap Brooke totally went with the Gap in 9CWL:
http://assets.comics.com/dyn/str_strip/000000000/00000000/0000000/200000/80000/2000/900/282947/282947.full.gif
I missed that… dang.. You can even see…. dang.
Charlene
May 18th, 2009 at 3:47 am
DT: Why has the artist labelled the solitaire game? Wouldn’t it be easier to, I don’t know, draw something that looks like a well-known solitaire game?
gleeb
May 18th, 2009 at 6:20 am
Funky Winkerbean + Crankshaft = Jack and the Beanshaft
Lio: I feared he wouldn’t be able to keep it up. So, a return to signs.
9CL: It’s remarkable how they can remain so calm on the deck of the Titanic.
Bill Hind’s Tank McNamara Babies: Maybe it’s supposed to be the character, but I’m willing to entertain the notion that Hinds himself has never heard of geysers and hot springs.
’shaft: “Valedictory”. Waddaya, getting paid by the letter?
‘bean: Thanks for this meaningless distinction; here, have a worthless platitude.
Rocky Ledge & Xanthippe Danube: Sure, it’s stands around 95% of the time eating it’s head off, and is a hopeless attempt to capture an imaginary aristocratic past, but it’s environmentally friendly!
Phantom: Ah, it’s the vicious wildebeest trying to kill Minor Official. I bet they’re in deep with the Singh Brotherhood.
Pluggers: …are gluttons.
Slylock: Ze Beaugarde! Slylock doesn’t see anything in the picture; he seek Koppy Kat lurking by the kurtain. Besides, are other artists all known for the perfection of the depictions of meteorological effects in their paintings?
Zits: …has been sitting next to Zippy for too long on my comics page, and it’s starting to show.
John C Fremont
May 18th, 2009 at 6:30 am
# 97 & 99 Poteet – Yeah, I was actually saying “A few weeks?!” out loud over and over. The kitties are used to my behavior after all this time and all shrugged their kitty shoulders & went back to sleep.
Hey, Pluggers don’t eat “Jen & Barry’s” ice cream. The eat that Sam’s Club stuff. Or Kroger if it’s payday.
MC – The same thing happened to Sylvester once.
JP – Once again, my sincere thanks to Eduardo Barreto.
#89 Readem and Laf – Not a ten gallon hat? So does that mean he’s not enjoying the show?
John C Fremont
May 18th, 2009 at 6:35 am
“They!” “They!” I swear I previewed twice. (Hits self in head repeatedly) Stupid, stupid…
Y’know, maybe I shouldn’t model my behavior on that particular Philip Seymour Hoffman character…
Little Guy
May 18th, 2009 at 7:12 am
JP: Frank Cho’s Jungle Girl cameo!
yMC: SO much win!
P
May 18th, 2009 at 7:15 am
FC:
Wow.
First the man subjects us to over 40 year old reruns most of the time….
BUT NOW HE THINKS WE CAN TAKE 28 YEAR OLD STRIPS 1 WEEK!
That’s right, we’ll see the best of rerun strips from 9/10/1981-9/19/1981, edited for 7 days.
Not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, but 7!!!!!!
Boy, I’m sure going to make a fuss about this to King Features, aren’t you?
colonial
May 18th, 2009 at 7:32 am
MT: “I’ll save the reward money for college!” Haha, that’s a funny one — now go eat your food circles and get this Elrod ball off my butt.
DT: Could you take a message for me? I should be done getting my butt kicked in 10 minutes.
FW: Is Cindy in the same induction class as cancer and despair?
GT: Talk to the hand, because the hand really is talking and wants a response to the question.
Little Guy
May 18th, 2009 at 7:36 am
110: Redux:
(In other words, I can do better….)
JP: “Frank Cho’s Desperate Housewives”. Tomorrow, Brandy is a soccer mom of six. And they’re all Frank’s.
Ned Ryerson
May 18th, 2009 at 7:41 am
I thought Pluggers ate Ken and Larry’s ice cream.
kalki
May 18th, 2009 at 7:56 am
Archie: Fine, fine, Archie has detention…now why is there a dead snake carcass draped over his right shoulder? I kinda thought it was the strap of a backpack, but the artwork in the 2nd panel suggests otherwise unless that halo effect around Archie’s head and shoulders really is a halo. Saint Archie, protect us and preserve us…
Blondie: “And has a huge schlong.”
“You’re pushing it now, dear…”
Crank: Oh, horrors! Your child is average. The shame…
DTM: Yes, Mr. Wilson will need willpower if he ever hopes to be selected as Green Lantern of Sector 2814.
CircusJerk: “Well, son, somebody obviously knows our family all too well, I guess. Now come help mommy wash that dead hobo’s blood off our driveway.”
FW: “And in conclusion, remember, death is the debt that all men and women pay. Thank you very much. Zoloft and punch are now being served in the cafeteria.”
Luann: Ladies and gentlemen, I submit panel 3 as exhibit A: Why would Toni have to improvise being a beautiful girl?
S-M: “Yeah, yeah…MJ, I need you to get naked right away while I slip into this Spider-man costume. The old biddy’s social security got used up already, so bottom line: Porn sells, honey and daddy needs a new pair of webspinners…”
kalki
May 18th, 2009 at 8:04 am
110 & 113: So that’s what Frank has been up to lately… I’d rather see Terry Moore’s Desperate Housewives in Paradise, starring Francine and Katchoo.
Amateur
May 18th, 2009 at 8:40 am
MW: Looks like Jeff is so worried about this detective that he’s got Mary helping him do the defensive maneuver from “Wolverine.” “I’ve got him!” “No, you don’t!”
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 18th, 2009 at 8:40 am
BF: Ooooh, I’m about ready to smack this strip.
(WT)DT: I can’t catalog all the forms of insanity in this strip. Does anyone have a DSM-IV I can borrow?
JP: I knew there was a reason I was reading this stupid plotline!
MT: So… you’re telling me the robbers just sat there and waited for the police to make the 1-1/2 hour drive from town while Mark stood around, arms akimbo, and gloated?
MW: Weeks? WEEKS?! It’s been weeks for US. Also… where are they? Does Adrian still live at home? How old is she, 16? “Oh, no! No daughter of mine is going out dressed in a monochromatic polyester pantsuit! Now you march upstairs and put on the matching jacket too!”
Ghost-Who-Blah-Blah-Blah-It’s-Late-And-I-Don’t-Feel-Like-Wracking-My-Brain-To-Come-Up-With-Something-Witty-Here: Tom Servo said it, I’ve said it, and I’ll say it again now: Tires do NOT squeal on dirt roads.
Saluki
May 18th, 2009 at 8:47 am
It’s about time we got back to the jugs in Jugs Parker.
mordock999
May 18th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Today’s Luann 05/18/09
Remember, Brad:
“One Pill Makes You ‘LARGER’
And One Pill Makes You ‘SMALL’
And one that “Mother” Gives you, Don’t do anything at All.”
“So take only the FIRST pill, if you catch my DRIFT and I THINK you DO!” —- Toni
____________________________
The above paraphrased and stolen fron the song “WHITE RABBIT”, by the Jefferson Airplane, who have also gone on record as wanting TJ DEAD!!
Saluki
May 18th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Mark Trail: Yeah, good idea Rusty. There’s no telling how much weed is going to cost by the time you get to college.
Mary Worth: “Past few weeks”? In MW plotline time that has to be almost half a year. The time deviations in this strip would drive Einstein to drink.
hogenmogen
May 18th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Fucky Shitterbean: “It’s a bill you pay with your mistakes.” And my biggest one was reading this strip.
C’mon, it doesn’t even make sense. Making a mistake leaves you with a bill, not pays it for you. Apparently. Les’s new girlfriend is working off one hell of a bill for something.
buckyswife
May 18th, 2009 at 9:22 am
#94 True Fable: I don’t know what the “joke” is even intended to be in today’s FC, but I’m kind of pleased to see that the Keane Neighbors hate the Keanes just as much as the Keane Readers do.
Baldo: Once again, the Baldo auteurs can’t make up their minds as to whether Gracie is a super-smart little bookworm, or a little girl who would enjoy having Curious George read to her. Pick one and stick to it, guys.
SM: So MJ lives in Apt. 3B, huh? Just down the hall from Margo and the gang? So when Crazy Tazer Lady pops out, who will win that epic battle? Clearly, the one with sufficient wit, strength, will, and agility will prevail. In other words, after about two minutes, Peter Parker lies on the ground, knees drawn to chest, quivering helplessly. (Sadly, I could predict that outcome no matter which member of the A3G crew encountered him; if it were Margo, in fact, his fate would be even worse.)
MT: Oh, Rusty, you don’t even go to school–how would you go to college! Unless by “college” you mean “spending the rest of your days wandering around Lost Forest, taking pictures of ducks; occasionally eating pancakes; making no human friends; and growing into a gap-toothed, kerchiefed man-child who just wants to pet the rabbits”–then, yeah.
Uncle Ritzy Fritz
May 18th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Monday MT:
Mark is absent from Panel Two because it occurs just after his coffee spit take and just before he gets up from rolling on the floor holding his sides after Rusty mentions going to college.
hogenmogen
May 18th, 2009 at 9:37 am
So now that the adventure is over, is Spidey going to deliver Electro’s loot to him in prison, or what?
Bill Hawkins cleared out of the party because “the guys are getting rowdy”. Now we are privvy to exactly what raucous debauchery is taking place in Cassie Corman’s Basement of Evil. Shep looks like an angry young Vulcan. A badly drawn brick headed boy drinks from a badly drawn bottle. A huge, horrific hand asks if it all matters.. When a disembodied appendage has self-doubt, then this “party” has quickly become a hell-hole of horrendous horror.
queek
May 18th, 2009 at 9:39 am
NS: I lol’d. Just remember, you can’t spell “idiot” without ID. . . . .
JP: wowzers.
A&J: *chuckle*
Uncle Ritzy Fritz
May 18th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Shoot. Panel Three. I forgot about the one in the middle there with the talking flora.
commodorejohn
May 18th, 2009 at 9:41 am
A3G – Ooh, time for more icy Margo disdain!
AS – SCOTT HILLBURN YOU DO NOT NEED TO REITERATE EVERY LAST DETAIL WHEN THE ENTIRE THING IS OBVIOUS FROM THE PICTURE.
Crankshaft – “My daughter didn’t get nominated to make a speech nobody will remember a year from now! OH GOD I RAISED A FAILURE!”
DT – Yes, thank you, explanation balloon.
FW – What the hell does that mean?
GT – Such is the nature of Gil Thorp that I almost can’t tell whether “I’ll jump out of a cake” is a reference to that stripper-in-a-cake thing or just another strange bit of Milford slang. In other news, oh my God, Gil is going to try and get into social networking. I can only hope that he’s doing this as a sort of attempt at damage control for that stupid YouTube video, in which case I eagerly await the flame wars, sullen posts about how everybody hates him, profanity-laden rants against Marty Moon, and the inevitable horror of discovering he’s become a 4chan meme.
H&L – …Argh.
JP – Oh, Baretto, you really love us, don’t you?
Luann – Ha ha! Brad is coming on to his nurse! If only this were TDIET…
MT – Do you ever get the feeling that maybe the Trail family are automatons? Or perhaps Mark, being a fundamental force of nature and justice, desires but does not really understand human companionship, and Cherry and Rusty are his ideal family made subconsciously manifest?
NAOQV – Sungenis, I swear, if you do any Star Trek spoilers…
RMMD – Why is Dr. Gomez in a bath robe while Rex leans into his personal space? Scratch that, I’m fairly sure I don’t want to know.
SFx – Remember, kids, inconsistency with reality means a painting is forged! I’d love to see Slylock explaining that trains don’t really drive out of fireplaces.
Ziggy – There are few feelings more infuriatingly depressing than being confused and baffled by Ziggy. I don’t even know why I’m trying to figure this out, but I can’t help it.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 18th, 2009 at 9:49 am
5/18
JP: Godiva Absurdname may be a phony do-gooder harridan, but she’s still got a body made for sin. Hey, betcha didn’t see that one coming.
A3G: Is Margo somehow surprised to see her mother at her mother’s home? Because that sounds more like Lu Ann.
Marvin: They know there’s no pajama party. They’re dressed up for the blanket party.
SFx: Koppy Kat seems to be a victim of Edward Nygma disease, the compulsion to play it cute with the authorities and thus make your capture inevitable.
MT: “You know what else would be smart? Not wearing that damn kerchief at the dinner table. God, how much is a woman supposed to take?”
S4th: That’s some good advice Sally is bringing.
Garfield: “That’s it! No more backgrounds!”
FC: Not Me must have had a growth spurt. I’d guess that two or three of the kids did the deed standing on each other’s shoulders, but honestly if they did I can only imagine tragic accidents resulting.
Crock: Don’t know why the Shriners are attacking the fort, but I’m a little disappointed they failed. Better luck next week?
S-M: Let’s see if I’ve got this straight. Peter needs some extra money. So he’s going over to Mary Jane’s place to take naked pictures of her and–presumably–sell them to a she-male mag. Not a bad idea if he can sell her on the model release.
Archie: With Archie detained, Jughead’s got both the ladies to himself. It’s sort of like putting a sea cucumber between an XBox and a Wii.
SSmith: May 18, 2009. The strange and exotic gesture of the “high five” sees its first usage in Hootin’ Holler. Both participants are burned at the stake.
hogenmogen
May 18th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Zits Yes, cell phones have cameras. Yes, teen agers have cell phones. Yes, there was a time that these two things were not true, but now they are. Get used to it, everyone else has.
JP: And we’re just on our way into a new adventure here and already we have the appearance of the foul mouthed, drunken spoiled wife. But there’s no denying those ta-tas, missy!
Va-voom!
Hagar explained: See, the “crow’s nest” is a place on a sailing vessel where you would go to look out for land and stuff. Of course, Viking war ships don’t have crow’s nests, but lets not let that get in the way of an opportunity for
humora daily paycheck. See, in this case, there are actual crows in the “crow’s nest”. And, it’s very, very funny because.. I… ur… well, y’know… it… .. right.Artist formerly known as Ben
May 18th, 2009 at 9:53 am
#128 commodorejohn,
Ooh, my Monday morning is brightened with a Magritte reference.
Anyway, I guess we’re supposed to assume that the original was done in a realistic style. Could have been made clearer, six differences style.
Muffaroo
May 18th, 2009 at 10:04 am
9CL – The tilted panels don’t even serve any purpose any more, unless it’s to make me momentarily hope that they’re in an old BATMAN show, and maybe some masked goons with dopey names stenciled on their turtleneck shirts will jump out and start punching away with BAM! POW! sound effects.
Archie – I’m not sure I fathom the expression on Betty and Veronica’s face in the last panel. Are they squicked because Jughead is touching them? Or are they jealous of Cammie for not having a rubber-stamped face?
DTracy – Daddy Crimebucks seems to have two hands, so he can’t be One-Armed Bandit. He likes solitaire — maybe he’s Klondike Ike. He’ll do well to stay in the shadows as much as possible, to avoid the wretched drawing like that fist in panel 3, which makes me feel lots better about the comics I drew in junior high.
FCircus – Thel should at least get dressed before she puts her junk out in the driveway.
FBasset – One more time, Fred. Looking at the audience is not, in and of itself, enough to turn an unremarkable everyday thought into a punch line.
FWbean – Oh, Christ, she’s going to throw herself at Les from the podium.
Winky's Spleen
May 18th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Commodorejohn #128 – Maybe in Milford “jump out of a cake” means ‘pull off a shocking upset in the playdowns’?
9CL – Ugh, not more slanty-panel. Just when it looks like McEldowney has run out of ways to be annoyingly pretentious, he goes to the pretentiously annoying.
Hi & Lois – Ah, a falling gas prices joke just as gas prices have been going up for, what, the last few months?
Muffaroo
May 18th, 2009 at 10:06 am
GThorp – The thorps are caught in some kind of warp where the characters change their identities from panel to panel. Perfectly suited to the clipart-ish, flat-affect drawing style.
HtHorrible – Ho ho, Readers! Looks like Lucky Eddie has “caws” for alarm today!
MTrail – “Save it for college” is an in-joke at the Trail cabin, where two-thirds of the humans (and probably Andy) know full well that Rusty will be lucky to make it to high school, and the money will most likely be invested in waffle syrup and pomade for Mark.
Mduke – “The dogcatcher called to say the poodle came on to him first.”
Marfield – And so Animals in Pajamas Week commences, not with a laff but a whisker.
MWorth – Wow! This strip has just passed several weeks in the literal blink of an eye! As befits the cast, time in Charterstone apparently passes in a series of jerks.
My Cage – Since Jeff apparently breathes air, wouldn’t he drown in the water cooler?
NSeq – Picking up the stick from Marvin.
R=R – Rose is mildly skeptical or even surprised to hear a completely insane explanation of a stupid action only a Gumbo would undertake? Rose? Surprised?? ROSE??? (And why do I feel like her name was Gumbo even before she married?)
Zits – Your phone is probably full, kid. Go buy a new memory card.
colonial @112 – Your MT comment is a thing of beauty.
formerly Ben @129 – Now I wish I had something to say about Judge Parker, just so I could call her “Godiva Winkerbean.”
mojo
May 18th, 2009 at 10:06 am
FW: …and I wonder what would happen if you crossed “The Today Show” with “Good Morning America”?
You’d get (*snicker*) “Good Morning Today” or (*choke* *cough* *giggle*) “Show America”!
HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!! Bwah hah hah ha ha ha! (wipes tears from eyes) God, I cracks me up! Hoo!
(crickets chirp)
Calico
May 18th, 2009 at 10:09 am
#108 – Kitties? Did someone say Kitties?
Our highway cat is doing just fine – his demi-queue (half tail) is so damn cute too.
His voice is funny, most likely because he was trapped on the autoroute in the cold for so long and got the flu – it’s sort of like a foghorn crossed with an old car horn. Heh.
Gyro Captain
May 18th, 2009 at 10:09 am
@ 129, Artist formerly known as Ben on SFx:
That’s a really common scenario, referred to at tvtropes as Along Came a Spider.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AlongCameASpider
Calico
May 18th, 2009 at 10:10 am
And in JP – Payoff! Yowza.
TheDiva
May 18th, 2009 at 10:17 am
C’shaft: Congratulations, your daughter is average!
FW: I think Cindy realizes this assembly is meaningless and only attended by the kids because hey, anything beats sitting in the classroom, and is just filling time with vaguely profound-sounding gibberish, which is all anyone will remember from this moment anyway.
Nick
May 18th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Dude, do everybody a favor and publish yourself on the Kindle. It’s really easy. It tells you about it here:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/05/14/AR2009051403449.html
And you can publish it here:
https://kindlepublishing.amazon.com/gp/vendor/sign-in/190-0073212-5412641
I will pay for the subscription. Seriously. Just make an announcement and people will sign up.
Rusty
May 18th, 2009 at 10:28 am
LuAnn: Brad flirting with Toni is like watching paint dry. She will hit menopause by the time he makes a move.
hogenmogen
May 18th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Water the plants, not the driveway, dingbat.
The “B” is written in the same handwriting as the rest of the sign. It was an inside job.
Phantom: …And don’t forget to pick up a half gallon of milk at the store on your way home!
… And some broccoli!
What is that thing behind Archie in panel 2? The only thing I get is the empty hood of the grim reaper. And as we all know, there’s nothing funnier than the grim spectre of death over one’s shoulder.
Speaking of hysterical, in Wizard of Id, a man orders a beer. Ha ha ha ha!
Charterstoned
May 18th, 2009 at 10:30 am
MT – With my older son going off to college next fall, I am seriously wishing I had known about the Mark Trail College Savings Plan. Do you think there’s still time for me to benefit from this program if I quickly acquire a stupid puppy, a dumb-ass kid with a kerchief, and a digital camera with a memory stick?
#97 – Hey, Poteet, this is just a warp in the space-time continuum of Mary Worth. Nothing to worry about. Things will slow to a glacial pace again once they sit down to eat at the Bum Boat.
Calico
May 18th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Family Circus – Boy Howdy, it’s the ghost of Will Elder!
MW – so THAT’S where Mary gets her medicinal herb. She doesn’t even need a card!
hogenmogen
May 18th, 2009 at 10:32 am
… and if we mashed up Mark Trail and Gil Thorp, we’d get Gil Trail! And, if you were to read the strip, it would probably make more sense than either one individually!
I, for one, would love to see 20ft talking basketballs and Milford dropping a game to a pack of squirrels in the playdowns.
mojo
May 18th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Mark Trail: Wait a minute. Didn’t the Bad Man give Rusty five hundred bucks when he took his camera? That’s probably two or three times what his stupid Playskool camera with all the pointless stupid duck pictures was worth, anyway. I never understood why Rusty was fighting to get it back, unless the little jerk wanted his camera back PLUS five hundred bucks.
Or did Mark recognize the five hundred as Bank Money and returned it to the authorities? I wasn’t paying attention. Or did it wind up in the same purgatorial place as Adrian’s fifty grand in Mary Worth?
To steal a line from Family Guy, today’s Rusty (Monday morning) is giving me diabetes. I will give you all the money in my pockets plus the odd lint-covered breath mint or two, if he would just STOP TALKING. Like, NOW.
Little Guy
May 18th, 2009 at 10:38 am
YCrankshaft: It just dawned on me…. the throwaway panel had Edie on the screen. That’s quite appropriate for Batiluk.
hogenmogen
May 18th, 2009 at 10:38 am
… Even better mashup: A3Gil. Margo is coach of a girls rugby team. In one plot line Kaz hits on Tommie until he finds a more interesting date, … or nut, or prune, or raisin. Thorp gets clonked by a softball and “Madre de Dio! (translated: Mother of Ronnie James Dio, formerly of Black Sabbath)”
Gil Tracy: Shep plays basketball against a pack of playing cards. Large, crudely drawn hands appear at random. Labels and arrows explain familiar objects, and Milford’s opponents die in excruciating ways.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
May 18th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Re: 132 Muffaroo @ FBasset
I don’t follow Fred, by my daily paper features “The Born Loser”, which does the same final-panel “break the fourth wall and stare at the audience with a silly face” gag in lieu of an actual punchline.
I’ve found that it really helps if you actually vocalize the “sad trumpet” sound when you get to the final panel. A little “wah-waaaaah!” really fits in with the bemused “can you believe this?” expressions.
#136 – Calico
Yay for happy kittehs!!
Dingo
May 18th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Beware evildoers, wherever you are! Mary is wearing black and clutching her pearls, the Charterstone equivalent of Power Ranger activation. The detective will be cowering in urine-soaked gabardine before Adrian even hits the stairs.
hogenmogen
May 18th, 2009 at 10:42 am
In Mark Trail, I got the impression that the two guys had not yet robbed the bank. They were merely on their way to some undisclosed crime. They can’t even get hit with a kidnapping charge, since Rusty came with them of his own free will. Of course, the heinous crime of dognapping will most assuredly send these two men to the electric chair for certain.
hogenmogen
May 18th, 2009 at 10:46 am
#149 – Calvin’s Cardboard Box: re – The Born Loser – wasn’t that a sometimes-comic in Playboy mag for a while? The punchline would inevitably arrive when he was doing some filthy thing with himself under the blanket while musing on life.
Panel 1: My girlfriend broke up with me tonight.
Panel 2: She said I should get a grip on myself
Panel 3 (buffing the bishop under the sheets): I think that was a pretty good idea!
And, on that note, Tom the Dancing Bug has Super Fun Pak Comics featuring Dinkle, the Unlovable Loser.
hogenmogen
May 18th, 2009 at 10:51 am
MW: I loved how creepy Ted was, and even moreso the even creepier new plot line. Date of adult child must be approved by father and meddling mother-figure. But maybe it’s not just that. Maybe it will turn into SOMETHING MORE
Little Guy
May 18th, 2009 at 10:56 am
151: MT: Conceivably, the Dumb Duo could be held on unlawful restraint, since they kept Rusty from leaving and used a threat against his dog to escape. And these guys were on the Most Wanted List as fugitives.
Muffaroo
May 18th, 2009 at 11:01 am
hogenmogen @152 – That was something like “The Loner.” The cartoonist on that was somebody whose name reminds me sufficiently of “Ross Bagdasarian” that I can’t think of anything else now.
Ooh! Dinkle? I’m there!
Muffaroo
May 18th, 2009 at 11:04 am
TDBug – Ohmygod! Somebody finally — after all the years I’ve been going on about it — finally did “Star Trek Babies!” And it was Rootin’ Reuben Bolling! I am so full of mixed feelings now, but he should keep doing them.
Carlo
May 18th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Today’s Funky brought to you by Visa.
Muffaroo
May 18th, 2009 at 11:10 am
QUIZ
Can you name Herb & Jamaal’s favorite:
Beatles song?
Sci-Fi movies?
60s sitcom?
H. Ryder Haggard novel?
Theodore Sturgeon story?
Early Johnny Cash single?
Monkees song?
Pink Floyd track?
(See the answers by hovering your mouse over the questions.)
Calvin\\\'s Cardboard Box
May 18th, 2009 at 11:26 am
“The Born Loser” is an inexplicably popular syndicated strip, nothing but lowest-common-denominator gags about golf, mothers-in-law, and the wife’s cooking. Unreadable, unless you play the sad trombone game!
http://comics.com/the_born_loser/2009-04-17/
Wah-Waaaaah!!
Excellent analysis here: http://wondermark.com/the-comic-strip-doctor-the-born-loser/
Charlene
May 18th, 2009 at 11:29 am
A3G: If Gabby’s such a great cook, why is she cooking the roast in a twenty-quart stock pot? Is she cooking for 200?
commodorejohn
May 18th, 2009 at 11:40 am
#158 Muffaroo – You win, sir. You just win.
mollificent
May 18th, 2009 at 11:49 am
FW: Batiuk is trying to give me nightmares. Why is the entire auditorium populated by Westview’s smirking ghosts?
Professor Fate
May 18th, 2009 at 11:51 am
FW: The hell? What she said makes as much sense backwards as it does forwards.
And just how big is this hall? It looks like it’s the size of Radio City Music Hall – isn’t this suposed to be a small town in Ohio? Or are all the cancer paitents in the state shipped there?
UncleJeff
May 18th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Love Is: flashing the Little Naked Bits to the pervs across the canyon.
Poteet
May 18th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Sunday JP — Re the scintillating conversation between Rocky and his loving spouse, I am 99% sure there is an old Pogo song that includes the line “Baby, don’t you sugar me.” Lemme check Google…
Aha! Thank you, Walt Kelly.
Oh, I may be your cup of tea,
But, baby, don’t you ‘Sugar’ me!
Don’t stir me, boy, nor try to spoon,
Don’t sugar me, cause us is throon!
I won’t sip a lip with you, less
You want a granulated lump or two,
Just roll them eyes right out that door,
Them saucer eyes ain’t square no more.
All them things, them diamond rings,
Them stuff you promised me,
Were figments, Newton, sure as shootin’,
Shootin’ sure as A, B, see
The teapot pouts that the kettle’s blue,
It don’t work out that spar is true,
Just boil away, boy, don’t sit and brew,
Don’t sugar me, cause us is through!
Poteet
May 18th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
# 165 — The lyrics above are from the first source I found. If they are wrong, please feel free to correct them.
Poteet
May 18th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
# 163 Professor Fate — This raises the interesting question of how to define a small town. I was bemused to hear a NYC pundit describe Akron, Ohio as a “small town” several months ago. To me, in my part of Iowa, a small town is one with fewer than 800 people. Akron is a large city.
CanuckDownSouth
May 18th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
What is up with Mary Worth? The day after Ted’s arrest, her dad asks if she wants to have dinner out with Mary and him the “next Saturday”. Now suddenly this has skipped to weeks and they’re *still* waiting for the next Saturday to come with this dinner.
I shouldn’t care, but it’s better that focusing on Adrian the successful doctor still living at home with her dad – maybe that’s *why* she could fall for such a fraud and gullibly give over 50k$. She hasn’t had any practice navigating the world on her own. And with Mary and her minion … she’ll never have the chance.
Fashion Police
May 18th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Thus endeth the June Morgan bikini-fest. Back to suburban blandness. Agnes Dunsmore may be a drunken old harridan, but she has style. Compared to her, Mrs. Morgan is just a background chippie.
gnome de blog
May 18th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
RUSTY: If I do get a reward, I’ll save it for college!
CHERRY: That would be smart! You’ll need a slush fund for drugs!
Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
May 18th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Luann: I have been kind of sleepy lately but I can’t recall that Luann has gone off to college and left the strip to her brother and his girl friend (that’s girl friend, not girlfriend).
DT: I am getting a feeling that the “artists” and “writers” of this strip know exactly what they are doing: that is, the abominable “art work” and ridiculous “story lines” are drawn and written deliberately. Chester Gould wrote and drew a lot of shitty nonsense but he did it seriously, and somehow it was entertaining to look at and follow. This strip in it’s current manifestation (I love that expression) is merely nonsensical and almost painful to “read.” I think the creators are playing with us, the “readers,” and failing. All they are producing is wierd garbage. Non-entertaining shitty nonsense. You should pardon the expression.
I suspect this has been said before, on this blog, more than once.
gleeb
May 18th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
167 (Poteet): With a population less than that of Reno, Nevada, Akron can only be a little city at best (Reno is, of course, the biggest little city in the world).
Little Guy
May 18th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
MT: It would be so wonderful to see this plot dovetail into Rusty investing his money into a hedge fund, only to lose it. Imagine Bernie Madoff feeling the fury of the Fist of Justice(TM)!
Calico
May 18th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
#158 – Well, I think most of us know what Mary Worth’s favorite Pink Floyd song is!
Uncle Lumpy
May 18th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
#172 gleeb –
OK, so what’s the littlest big city in the world?
Uncle Lumpy
May 18th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
On reflection, probably Berlin.
spike
May 18th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
175 Uncle Lumpy: Googling “littlest big city” yields various candidates: Portland, OR, Toledo, OH, Ottawa, ON, and Munich, Germany. Take yer pick…
FW: Note to Cindy: Your fifteen minutes are up. Thanks very much, get off the stage and don’t even look at the Rice-A-Roni as your parting gift!
Mr. Peabody
May 18th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
#5 Uncle Lumpy
Tiny Manbits – worst pornstar name ever
Poteet
May 18th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
# 178 Mr. P — But intriguing enough that I’d want to see him.
Peter of the Norse
May 18th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Oh, she knows it’s a horse. The conflict will come when the ASPCA arrests her for performing a “Catherine the Great”.
THC
May 19th, 2009 at 12:55 am
I thought Arabians might’ve been some sort of euphemism for hashish. Maybe in the Judge Parker universe all hashish is called Arabian even if it isn’t from the Arab penisula just like we call all copy machines Xerox and all cola beverages Coke regardless of actual brand.
Elmo
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:02 am
I would not read a soap opera strip – if you held a gun on me. Who gives a damn about “Mary ” or “Judge ” ? Only some old Broad .