Thursday catch-up one-liners
Beetle Bailey, 5/28/09
Beetle is obviously very shy about revealing the most intimate part of his anatomy: the top of his head.
Blondie, 5/28/09
Ha ha, Dagwood’s fellow carpooler is traumatized by his layoff and can’t think of anything to do with his life other than go through the motions of going to work! He’ll probably head down to his old office building and loiter around there for a while, then shoot himself in the parking lot just when everyone is walking out to their cars.
Mary Worth, 5/29/09
“Yes, Adrian deserves a good man … life has a strange way of working out … all’s well that ends well … love conquers all … look, Jeff, if you don’t stop going on and on about this twerp and his dead dad, I’m going to strangle you with this cravat, I swear to God.”
mollificent
May 29th, 2009 at 2:08 am
Hah! I knew I was going to kill the last thread. I’m quite talented at that.
Well, if anyone cares:
http://joshreads.com/?p=3196#comment-683846
Nekrotzar
May 29th, 2009 at 2:10 am
Today I am extremely glad that Beetle Bailey is not a continuity strip.
Baka Gaijin
May 29th, 2009 at 2:12 am
Thursday’s Lio:
Miss Avis from Ruthie’s World. With a an extra-long Pall Mall. Why isn’t she melting into a puddle of brown sugar?
Part deux: What could make this strip funnier? If that had been Dennis the Menace or Marvin in the pram. No, no, wait! Mr. Wilson or Crankshaft whizzing on the old hag. Have some asparagus and cheap beer for lunch, guys!
cj
May 29th, 2009 at 2:22 am
Worth:
So, does Mary have a cravat license? – because they don’t allow just anyone to wear them. Anyways, I thought they were called handkerchiefs and were reserved for use by cowboys (to keep dirt off their faces), gangbangers (to hide their sneering, drive-bying faces), and boy scouts. Ah, the BSA, where you can look swishy, but can’t be swishy.
Beetle Butthole:
Killer has lower standards than I’d imagined – he’s going after the sunblasted bods of uninhibited overweights. Meanwhile, we have gained knowledge of another dimension to Beetle’s deviant sexuality.
Steve S
May 29th, 2009 at 2:29 am
So if they thought he was laid off, did they stop by his house anyway to taunt him on their way to work? Or is he in fact stalking them? I guess that sort of imponderable is what I get for devoting more than one brain cell to Blondie.
Mr. O’Malley
May 29th, 2009 at 2:32 am
MW without balloons: Talk about a good cop/bad cop routine!
(1) Watch my impression of George Gobel!
(2) Either you kick in fifty grand to the Police Benevolent Association or I’m sending you up the river!
Dr. Laura
May 29th, 2009 at 2:33 am
Why is there a human head floating in Jeff’s drinking glass? Oh, I see, the person walking by in the first panel must have been decapitated by the overly long speech balloon.
Where the f*#% did these people learn to draw?
Mariko
May 29th, 2009 at 2:38 am
Mark Trail– Man, Arlo Guthrie is going to be in for the surprise of his life.
DaveyK
May 29th, 2009 at 2:38 am
Ahhhhh, the Bum Boat…where patrons use sample spoons from Baskin & Robbins to enjoy their globs of food-like substances.
Baka Gaijin
May 29th, 2009 at 2:38 am
Friday’s Comics:
One Big Happy: First Typhoid Mary, now Salmonella Ruthie, spreading disease from the kitchen, one house at a time.
Pluggers: What? NO. Hip replacement, yes, knee replacement, no. Young active people like runners get knee replacements. Ones who aren’t grotesquely overweight and sit in front of the TV with bent coathangers for antennae pining for the days of “The Donna Reed Show” and “The Flying Nun” while they await their deaths that are delayed by excessive medication.
Sally Forth: I laughed unironically. Seeing that guy pop out from behind the plant with his meddle on like Mary Worth? Priceless.
Lio: Who hasn’t done that at a lunchtime birthday party? At an exceedingly cheap company. I’m looking at you, Mr. Dithers.
Mary Worth: Damn, I was sure he was going to slip and say “Queenie.” Damn.
Blondie: Dude, you totally forgot the lime green sharkskin suit with the pink fur collar and pimping cane. It’s an ensemble.
Zach
May 29th, 2009 at 2:39 am
Has horror ever been portrayed as realistically in a comic as it is by Dagwood’s female passenger?
Beetle must go to the beach. He already exchanged his right arm for a fin to make himself a better swimmer.
Kelly
May 29th, 2009 at 2:39 am
Do you think that Dagwood stopped at that fellow’s house even though they knew that he had been laid off? Is he chasing after them in the first box? Did they all get in the car and decide to drive past his house for old times sake? Let’s go over to his house and see if he wants to get in the car even though he’s been laid off!
I’m confused.
Andrew Leal
May 29th, 2009 at 2:40 am
Mary’s clearly delighted, actually. She hasn’t had an opportunity for a good old-fashioned platitude spout in awhile, and this one could provide material for ages. This is why her relationship with Jeff is sex free; who needs something so messy and organic when she can stimulate herself by just saying “Love is a many splendored thing” and “Good things happen to those who wait” (which come to think of it is probably what she says to string Jeff along into thinking that he might get, ahem, fortunate, but then she’ll stymie him with “Virtue is its own reward!”)
poppies
May 29th, 2009 at 2:56 am
Could MW really be heading in the obvious “Jeff gets a turn getting duped by an Adrian suitor, teaching him a valuable lesson about patronizingly lording his purportedly superior loser-detecting abilities over his simple daughter” direction? Could MW be that blatant in setting up a fall? Yes; yes, I suppose it could…
Andrew Leal
May 29th, 2009 at 3:02 am
I rather doubt that, as amusing as it is to ponder, since the guy *is* a police detective. It’s more like the equivalent of waaaaaay back in FOOB when they introduced Mr. “Wright” the equally blond mountie.
Spk
May 29th, 2009 at 3:05 am
MW: I can’t wait for Sunday’s strip, the anticipation of panel after panel of the accolades of Hewlett Sr. is killing me!
But all good things must come to an end, and I’m sure by the end of next month, the plot must eventually be forced to move on.
Godjesus
May 29th, 2009 at 3:08 am
“He’ll probably head down to his old office building and loiter around there for a while, then shoot himself in the parking lot just when everyone is walking out to their cars.”
More like, go on a homicidal rampage until he gets shot by Robert Duvall.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 29th, 2009 at 3:38 am
MW: Weirdness – Adrian’s detective seems a-okay.
Dick: Weirder. Some think the idea of Big Ace and Juan Ayed Jacques make sense:
Life is bizarre …
Tarzan: Fun.
Steve T.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:49 am
So in the second frame we actually saw a bit of bare ass in Beetle Bailey, though not Beetle’s. At least that proves they’re not just looping strips from decades back. And why is Beetle so shy? Has he never taken a barracks shower in the 60 years he’s been a buck private?
Steve T.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:57 am
Oh, wait a minute! Could it be because there might be GIRLZZ at that nude beach? And that’s what Beetle can’t face? Letting your platoon mates see your peepee in the shower is okay, but not the girlz on the beach? Oh, Beetle, sweetie pie. We’re not asking, but you ARE telling.
alaskavic
May 29th, 2009 at 3:58 am
WOW….Archie has proposed to VERONICA!!! If there ever was a time to hit on a comic strip character it would be Betty tonight when she’s drowning her sorrows with wine coolers…Just work on her low self esteem and then Rip That Comic Strip Paper OPEN!!!
Mary Worthless
May 29th, 2009 at 4:37 am
MW – More and more I am convinced that the strip is slowly turning into what “Will & Grace” would have been like if played by John Forsythe and Joan Plowright.
druidbros
May 29th, 2009 at 4:52 am
MW – I think I have whiplash. Mary and Dr Jeff went from the front room to the Bum Boat. Does that mean they didnt talk at all on the car trip to the boat? Or perhaps we can assume that Dr Jeff kept talking about his man crush the whole way there.
Talking Squirrel
May 29th, 2009 at 5:54 am
SF: Phil O’Dendron is right. Ted needs to surrender to that signature Sly Look of Aria’s. She’s already vanished his watch, and will continue to make various items of his wardrobe disappear until she accomplishes her nefarious scheme. Then she’ll start doing the same with his anatomy. Man up, Ted, tap ‘er already while you’ve still got a tapper.
nerowolfgal
May 29th, 2009 at 6:25 am
MT – Wow, Mark just levitated in the three panel with sheer surprise at the perfidy of people dumping garbage on private land!
Wait until he finds out some people cheat at cards.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
May 29th, 2009 at 6:27 am
Blondie: Glasses Guy should get a job with Dagwood. Dithers never seems to follow through on his downsizing threats. On the other hand, he’ll have to get used to the boss barging into his bathroom at home, but given enough effort, a person can learn to enjoy anything.
KillSmiley
May 29th, 2009 at 6:27 am
Beetle might have very good reason to avoid the beach. Note the conspicuously large gap in between the letters of the word “nude.” It is, in fact, a “nu de” beach, which is Chinese for…SLAVE! That’s right, the damn Reds are out for our boys again, and they’re starting with Camp Swampy!
I think Killer knows this too. However, he might have a skewed opinion of bondage, what with all those “special” videos he has socked away.
Mordock999
May 29th, 2009 at 6:29 am
Today’s Luann 05/29/09
Folks, I…,
Look, I know its Friday, and you’ve ALL had a rough week and DESERVE better, but…,
Well, there NO easy way to type this, so I’ll just type it.
“Elwood has LEFT the BUILDING!!!”
Please accept my most sincere and HUMBLE apologies.
______________
Temporary STAY of excecution for TJ!
Dragon of Life
May 29th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Dagwood veered across god knows how many lanes of traffic just to mock his former coworker for being laid off, and he has the chutzpah to just get in as if all was normal? I LIKE this guy.
mojo
May 29th, 2009 at 6:41 am
Friday’s MW: Forget Dr. Jeff and Mary. They’re boring. The REAL action is Adrian and Scott. Sitting at ANOTHER table in ANOTHER restaurant. Talking. Oooh, and fighting over the check. A conflict violent enough to require either motion lines, or Scott flinging milk out of his sleeve. Can’t tell yet. But when Adrian said “It’s nice to feel taken care of for a change” I laughed out loud a tiny bit. And then felt just a tiny bit bad for Adrian’s contemptuous disregard of her über-helicopter father. Yep, today’s Mary Worth is a freakin’ emotional ROLLER COASTER, I tell ya!
Next week’s dialog: “Oh, Scott, I can’t wait until I can give up my silly spinster job as a DOCTOR and stay home and do housework and make babies! You know, Scott—giggle—they told us ALL ABOUT how to make babies at DOCTOR SCHOOL! I’ve always wanted to try…”
gleeb
May 29th, 2009 at 6:44 am
A&J: More of these two and their weird class-based hatred.
9CL: Thorax. I-Hell, I ain’t even going to say it again.
’shaft: …and more innocent souls are sucked into the Montoni’s cult. Ia! Ia! Tony! Funky ftaghn!
Dick: Tracy, he just shot a guy. Worse, that guy was your kill. Arrest him, already!
Edge City: These two are the kind of people who would live in a suburb-without-sidewalks.
‘bean: Of course, Creepy Les is an English teacher, so her short essay on dystopian fiction is going to end up being x=(1984/451°F).
Gil: Oh no! He hit…uh, sideburns guy? Who is that, Charles Napier?
Mary: As long as he’s worked there, that waiter never took the time to look at that picture until now.
Pozzo
May 29th, 2009 at 6:46 am
When they reached the beach, Beetle and Killer discovered Sarge there with Lt. Fuzz. An awkward silence ensued…
dondi_was_kidnapped
May 29th, 2009 at 6:51 am
Re: no. 8: coffee spitting funny. And MT has his camera right there handy to snap those twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one.
Charterstoned
May 29th, 2009 at 7:14 am
MW – Did the Hewlett family have anything else going for them besides their “charity work, strong faith, and integrity?” Scott could turn out to be the comic strip equivalent of Ned Flanders, in which case Mary now has some serious competition in the platitude department. And I see that the Bum Boat has upgraded its decor with a couple of Billy Bass Singing Fish. That’s a nice touch. The piscine theme helps to clue us in that Mary and Jeff are eating their glop at the Bum Boat, and not at one of the many nondescript restaurants that Santa Royale has to offer. And speaking of glop, Jeff has the chance RIGHT NOW to make us laugh in panel two if he just slaps Mary’s hand with his own and makes her fling her glop onto her neckerchief.
Little Guy
May 29th, 2009 at 7:16 am
JP: Talking animals. Angst-ridden superheroes. Walking ghosts. Post-apocalytic cavemen. And the range of weird with “Lio” and “Pearls Before Swine”.
But this, this is out of the realm of possibility.
Tell me WHAT school system would allow a principal with enough balls to call security on irate cheerleader moms. At the very least, she should be cowering under the desks and giving consessions like Chamberlain.
That’s it. Unless they start stripping, I’m reading Thorax. At least he’s more realistic.
Nate Fakes
May 29th, 2009 at 7:19 am
Dagwood’s friend looks like the disturbed type. I hope there’s not a clock tower around there
mad4books
May 29th, 2009 at 7:32 am
#22: John Forsythe & Joan Plowright. Snort!
#23: Exactly. Exactly.
#30: Mojo, the world is a LOT more fun in your alternate universe…
LP2004
May 29th, 2009 at 7:33 am
Re: 8 & 33: “Kid, we found your name at the bottom of a couple of tons of toxic waste…”
Okay, I know someone around here HAS to have the talent to re-write the entire song as a tribute to the current Mark Trail story line.
TheCasey
May 29th, 2009 at 7:44 am
5/29
9CL – Does anyone, anywhere, open their newspaper/browser window thinking to themselves, “I sure hope we get some more Thorax today!”
A3G – Have Tommie and this guy even been on a date yet?
Archie – Whine about it now, Andrews. In a few months you’ll be wishing for these problems.
Beetle – Maybe Sarge is embarrassed that he’s beating a 70-year-old woman at tennis, but doesn’t know how to lose gracefully. Or do anything gracefully, for that matter.
FC – Sure thing. Let’s call Uncle Bernie.
Marvin – Really, her monthy quota just got increased, so she’s trying more aggressive tactics.
Spider-Man – So, in order to keep his secret identity, Peter avoids the nosy neighbor by walking on the side of a wall? Brilliant!
Ziggy – Maybe it’s not the cell phone that’s stupid, buddy.
Bryan
May 29th, 2009 at 7:52 am
9CL: Yeah, right God, tell that to the people in Sodom & Gomorrah.
Gil Thorp: I did wonder if all these idiot pranks are appropriate given that the team os on a losing streak.
My Cage is fast becoming one of my favorite strips. I love the third panel today where Norm’s heart and inner demons go through a scrapbook of all of Norm’s failures. How long before Norm starts hanging out with the creepy janitor?
bad wolf
May 29th, 2009 at 8:08 am
A peek behind the writer’s process for A3G: http://thesixchix.com/?p=685 (sorry if you’ve all seen it already)
Patrick
May 29th, 2009 at 8:09 am
I’m pretty sure that holding your squadmate’s shoulders from behind while he’s totally naked in public is grounds for dismissal under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
Carly
May 29th, 2009 at 8:26 am
Love the purple shirt and teal vest, Jeff, really. If you disappear, Mary will be able to give the police a very clear and unique description of what you were wearing at the time. Assuming she didn’t do the deed herself, anyway.
Tim
May 29th, 2009 at 8:30 am
in Friday’s JP, I think the name of the portrait in the final panel is ‘The Four Horsewomen of the Scowl-pocalypse’
Amateur
May 29th, 2009 at 8:35 am
#39 — Re: Spider-man — well, we are talking about the guy who (in the third movie) stood atop a building, above a crowd who’d come to honor him, in his Spidey suit with no mask on. At least it resulted in possibly the best RiffTrax line ever: “I feel like I’m forgetting something.”
colonial
May 29th, 2009 at 8:43 am
GA: That woman could make good money on the side as a mourner for hire at funerals and wakes. They do it in Japan, why not here?
GT: Now I’m imagining the Milford baseball team as a Harlem Globetrotter-like squad that hide baseballs in their jerseys, toss confetti at umpires and stop the game every second out or so to dance with fans.
It's time to pay the price
May 29th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Dr. Jeff is drinking lukewarm water, Mary is drinking Blood, nothing news-worthy.
The Restless Mouse
May 29th, 2009 at 8:57 am
Dagwood’s eyes are blackshot, must have been a long night. Now he’s driving around aimlessly picking up random current and former carpool partners, on a Saturday morning. Nothing good will come of this.
LoFoMoFo
May 29th, 2009 at 9:09 am
MW: “Indeed, indeed, Mary. Now would you like a taste of my scrod?”
Sequitur
May 29th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Okay, Baka Gaijin. This one’s for you.
kalki
May 29th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Archie: What Archie needs is a visit from Le Chat Bleu. Or in Archie’s universe, it would be Le Chat Bleu Balls.
Blondie: To answer Herb’s question: A 1920s beggar, apparently.
Crank: “But I didn’t mention it before, because I was hoping the rest of you would be killed in the blast and then me and my friends could celebrate my new inheritance over pizza.”
DTM: Why on Earth would the parents buy Dennis a weapon?
CircusJerk: “Yes, sweetie. Here, I’ll give you Bernard Madoff’s number. He’s handling your college fund.”
FW: Ok, so somebody will actually get a lower score than Cory.
Luann: “That’s mini-Elvis!” I’ll gloss over the mental image of Elwood impregnating Luann. GAH! Now that I typed it out…spew…
S-M: How is doing that “faster”? Did gravity stop working on the drag of your upper body, Pete?
Cranky
May 29th, 2009 at 9:27 am
The thing about Garfield is that, even though it’s a cynical corporate creation, it’s occasionally pretty funny.
And Ziggy, if I never wore pants, I’d spend a lot of time putting myself on hold too, if you know what I mean.
Thank you, I’ll be here through Sunday. Tip the waitstaff, they work hard.
8th Man Fan
May 29th, 2009 at 9:33 am
To all of you expecting a plot twist or interesting development in MW’s Adrian Cory-Scott Hewlett storyline: This is the same writer whose idea of plot resolution is to have Mary return a stray dog to the first person who responds to posted sign about it, to have Jeff cave in on his legitimate gripe when Mary ignores his phone messages, to have a neighbor give a PSA on ID theft, and to have a bullied ice skater agree to keep on ice skating for the bully. Let’s face it, this storyline is just another in a long line of dragged-out fizzles.
(Have I been following MW this long and that closely? Shoot me. Now.)
Ethan Shuster
May 29th, 2009 at 9:33 am
My God… Moy is stuck in some kind of recursive writing loop! “Father is good… father is great… I hope son is good, too… Father is good… father is great…”
commodorejohn
May 29th, 2009 at 9:45 am
A3G – “I don’t need time, Gary. Not when you’re thrusting your head into my personal space like that.”
Archie – Well, what do you expect? It was written by Scarpelli and Boldman.
AS – …what?
A.D. – Just promise me we’ll be done with this after tomorrow.
Crankshaft – What are those two twits in the background doing smiling? Don’t they realize that being happy is the surest way to bring down the wrath of the Great God Batiuk upon themselves? Well, sooner than it would’ve happened, anyway.
DT – So the evil plan was to give away a lot of money and then steal it back? Even by Dick Tracy standards that’s dumb.
FC – Actually, Billy, with the economic collapse, you might do better to invest in some firearms and explosives for the roving bands of looters.
FW – “Seriously, dad, I’m six years old. What kind of idiot do you think I am? And stop leering at me like that, dammit.”
GA – Yep. Status quo restored.
GT – Attack of the killer confetti plant! Good thing coach Kaz was there to fight it off; I’m just sorry we didn’t get to see him break spacetime in the process.
JP – That last panel could be the cover for their debut album, The Four Seasons. What? The name’s taken? Well, never mind, then.
Love Is… – a dom/sub relationship, apparently.
Luann – Okay, that’s about the first believable reaction to anything I’ve ever seen out of a Luann character. Is he assessing her potential for breeding? Does she come from good stock?
MT – I suppose there’s snark to be had in Mark’s utter naivety, but I can’t stop staring at that last panel. He walks like an action figure; I’d always suspected as much, really.
MW – But then again, why am I making fun of Mark Trail when Mary Worth is featuring not one, but two poses that no human anywhere, ever, in history has ever taken? At least Mark’s poses are just stiff, not catatonic.
RMMD – As nice as June in a bikini is, I have to say that that final panel is pretty bitchin’. Love the waves.
Edison Lee – …I’m sorry, is there a joke here?
Larry McAwful
May 29th, 2009 at 9:51 am
We picked up Twitchell again. He’d been laid off. I guess Bumstead passed by his house out of habit, or maybe because it’s on the way to Finagle-A-Bagel. When we saw him standing on the sidewalk, pathetically pining away for something—anything—to do with his time, we had to slow down. No one expected him to get in, much less to be dressed for work. It was awkward.
Woodley and Bumstead shot each other significant looks as we drove on. Twitchell stared out the window. No one had anything to say. Bumstead picked up his usual morning bagel—a toasted everything with cream cheese, lox, capers, bacon, ham, lettuce, tomato, anchovies, fried egg and six kinds of cheese. Woodley got black coffee that he’d pour half a minibar-sized bottle of Yukon Jack into when he figured no one was watching. I didn’t want anything but I went in to the Finagle-A-Bagel with the other two, which was better than sitting in the car, attempting small talk with Twitchell.
“Happy Friday!” chirped Twitchell as we pulled out of the parking lot. No one felt like pointing out that it was Thursday. No one but Twitchell. “Ha!” he went on. “I know it’s not Friday, but that’s what my boss said to me two hours before handing me my pink slip!” Woodley muttered a quiet “Heh.” I tried to crack a smile. Bumstead ignored it, asking, “Looks like the freeway’s going to be backed up this morning. I’m going to take Route 2. It’s longer, but it should be quicker.”
“COBRA… COBRA, COBRA COBRA!” Twitchell went on. “Thank God for COBRA, huh? No doctor’s going to treat my lumbar issues for free! They don’t cover shrinks, do they? Because I don’t know. I’d like to know. But I don’t.”
It was like that all the way in to the office. When the ride was mercifully over, we said our polite good-byes and went to work. When we met at Bumstead’s car for the drive home, Twitchell was back. “Whaddya know—I forgot to bring bus fare home! I looked around, but could only find 31 cents. Folks sure don’t drop much change around here!”
We looked at each other. We knew Twitchell would be like this tomorrow, and probably worse, if something weren’t done. We’re all human, and we, as human beings, are not meant to tolerate such suffering. We had to do the right thing. So the next morning, instead of heading toward Finagle-A-Bagel, we went to Dunkin’ Donuts, which is a little bit out of the way, but we didn’t have to drive past Twitchell’s house.
Mibbitmaker
May 29th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Archie: If you think that is a case of “writer’s blah”, just wait to see what they do to your comic books, Arch!
Curtis: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’ve hit “revert back to the same old blah”.
ReFOOB: Knowing her luck, he’ll be running off with a waitress within the hour.
FW: Funky Winkerbean: Overthinking the answers since 1992
Bootsy
May 29th, 2009 at 9:52 am
I love, love, love panel 3 of Mark Trail today! With his tiny feet skipping merrily down to the ravine, his blue-black hair helmeted to his square manly chiseled head, the only thing missing (and it’s a biggie) is Andy! Wait, wasn’t he right there, sniffing at a dead squirrel?
I have only halfheartedly been following Judge Parker and the cheerlead moms, but today, don’t they look like the Angry Bangles?
queek
May 29th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Love Is. . . . snark writing itself.
Loved MC today as well, and PBS continues its crocodillian win.
Calico
May 29th, 2009 at 10:00 am
#41 – Saw the link before but didn’t look at it until now.
Margaret S. seems like someone who doesn’t take herself too seriously.
(Bucket of Suds, Taser Lady, the eternal Wrath of Margo)
I simply love the “self portrait” thinking “What Would Margo do?”
TheDiva
May 29th, 2009 at 10:00 am
C’shaft: Hey Mom, remember last week when you were having conniption fits over your daughter not going to college and and being young and inexperienced and all that? Well, that daughter has just shown she has more common sense than the rest of your household put together. Frankly, I’ll be impressed if the rest of you last a month after she moves out.
Marvin: Isn’t Marvin way too young to be getting visits from the Tooth Fairy? Unless she’s going to help things along by punching him in the mouth a few times, in which case continue by all means.
MW: Wow, Scott is so kind and gallant and charming! And even though Evil Mustache Ted was kind and gallant and charming when we first met him, I just KNOW Scott is nothing like him! Because, like, we’ve heard good things about his dad! (Incidentally, anyone remember George Wickham from Pride and Prejudice? He had a great father too…)
Pluggers: Uh-oh. Based on the grim expression on TSA Plugger’s face, we’re about to see the obese dog-person get a full cavity search.
Calico
May 29th, 2009 at 10:01 am
#58 – Yes, but can they walk like Egyptians?
Sequitur
May 29th, 2009 at 10:01 am
#56 Larry McAwful – Wow! I never figured Blondie as Film Noir.
Sams Mommy
May 29th, 2009 at 10:05 am
MW – Is that guy stealing Adrian’s wallet? Isn’t that what her last boyfriend was trying to do, but on a larger scale?
Esther Blodgett
May 29th, 2009 at 10:10 am
AS: What? I mean…what? What?
MT: Wheeeee!
S4th: I’m definitely siding with the guy behind the plant on this one.
Doonesbury: In retrospect, the payoff should have been obvious.
AS: I read it again, and…what?
Edgy DC
May 29th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Jeff, shut up already. It’s one fuckin’ date. Although I hasten to add that at least he’s not taking her to the fuckin’ Bum Boat.
Mibbitmaker
May 29th, 2009 at 10:17 am
GT: “Hey, who the hell let Rip Taylor in here?!”
H&J: Ah, the Reagan Diet.
JP: “…And that floating head trick doesn’t intimidate me, either!”
Luann: “Oh, one more thing, Dearheart… How do you feel about arranged marriages?
…Arranged by the groom?….”
MT: …And Trail lept, rather pointlessly, to his gruesome death, the end. (This has been another episode of “Mr. Mark’s Least Loved Bedtime Trails”)
MW: “Oh, I already AM used to giving up all adult autonomy to a man — you’ve met my father…”
NS: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID!!” Week is coming along well. I wonder how it’ll end…
OBH: And the Circle of Life continues….
RMMD: Well played, Wilson.
ZtP: No wonder the Beats didn’t last.
Mr. Coffee Nerves
May 29th, 2009 at 10:26 am
I know we don’t talk about the creeping horror that is the zombie FOOB anymore, but today’s entry made me vomit from the eyes.
I know Lynn is looking back with dire regret and anger, but retrofitting the strip that she is now such a raging hottie that she gets a phone number (a non-555 number, no less. Probably rings at John’s new girlfriend’s house) offered to her less than three panels into her “girl’s night out” is just ludicrous.
It makes the worst “Harry Potter meets Captain Picard and they both fight for the love of the intriguing new character ‘Mary Sue’” fanfic look like Shakespeare.
I’m sure the parallel plot is John off on a work trip and spending 95% of said trip motorboating strippers and being penetrated with cans of WD-40 by underage boy prostitutes.
TheDiva
May 29th, 2009 at 10:34 am
68 Mr. Coffee: Believe me, I was just as annoyed as you; I just couldn’t think of any way of phrasing it more eloquent than “BITE ME, LYNN.”
Muffaroo
May 29th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Still on vacation in Colorado. Hi! Hi, everybody! My daughter wakes us all up at six, because she’s still on New York time. Anyway, I’m vacating too hard to read up, so here are four random remarks completely unvetted for duplication. No warranties or guarantees apply.
H&Jamaal – Black people in this strip have expressive, heavy-lidded eyes. White people have little Barney Rubble circles. White people have no souls, and perhaps no inner life of any sort. Pretty radical stuff for a gag-a-day strip.
MTrail – “WHO would dump garbage on private property?” Oh, Mark, there are tiny insect larvae in jumping beans who are less sheltered than you.
Mduke – “Oh, you’ll talk, and you’ll talk plenty! They’re bringing in an even comfier chair now!”
S-Man – What? Spider-Man’s powers work through shoes now? He has the proportionate unbelievability of a semi-truck cab full of little red imaginary spiders.
Sequitur
May 29th, 2009 at 10:41 am
FOOBastard – I’ve been so good at leaving this alone. Why did I look! WHY…DID…I…LOOK!!
Mr. Jones
May 29th, 2009 at 10:47 am
“Life has a strange way of working out”.
This statement makes absolutely no sense to me. There is an equal probability that an outcome would be unpleasant. In fact, unpleasant outcomes are the bread and butter of this strip.
Seriously. Are we to take these platitudes as being “wise” simply because they make absolutely no sense? Does a dog have a Buddha nature?
Charterstoned
May 29th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Mudges, I gotta say you are all outdoing yourselves today! I just spent a healthy ten minutes laughing out loud. You’re all frickin’ hilarious this morning–what the hell have you been drinking???
Sequitur
May 29th, 2009 at 10:52 am
72 Mr. Jones – I like the way it turns out translated to Japanese and back to English.
Calico
May 29th, 2009 at 10:55 am
FOOB – 867-5309
Elly would believe it, too.
MT – It’s Mark’s copious use of old hair pomade from the 60’s that’s killing the animals, not those barrels of whatever.
Calico
May 29th, 2009 at 10:56 am
#72 – I didn’t know that Life ™ had a subscription to Gold’s Gym.
vanya
May 29th, 2009 at 10:57 am
MW: “You’d better get used to it” – because you’re not leaving this little room in my cellar ever again, not ever. It’s safer for you this way, Adrian. Trust me
un malpaso
May 29th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Sweet baby Allah, save me from this MW plot that has now dwindled to an interminable thin string of a debilitatingly boring conversation. (And yes, I know that “debilitatingly boring conversation” describes ALL Mary Worth plotlines from beginning to end.)
We already know that Adrian is undoubtedly a very wise, upstanding, good-as-gold young man of sturdy breeding stock, imbued somehow genetically with the values of his missionary, salt-of-the-earth parents, their integrity, charity, intestinal fortitude, Proper Posture, battle-scar personally blessed by Gen. George Patton, sun shining persistently out of ass wherein fecal matter has no disagreeable odor…
now just PLEASE, either give us the resolution we have been hoping desperately for (that is, of course, the reveal of Adrian as an even more unctuous scam artist) or WRAP IT UP. At this point, even the “twist reveal” would have lost most of its flavor anyway. Much like the industrially beige fishsticks and Kool-Aid colored wine served at this hash-house in Hell.
un malpaso
May 29th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Note on last post #78: Where I wrote “Adrian”, obviously I meant “Scott.” Look, I am on a friday morning MW binge rant… niceties like names are lost to me. :)
Calico
May 29th, 2009 at 10:59 am
#72 – “Religion
Is the smile on a dog.”
(Edie Brickell)
Rizbon
May 29th, 2009 at 11:00 am
MW: Oh, man, Dr. Jeff is so totally sending this guy to Peace Village.
Larry McAwful
May 29th, 2009 at 11:00 am
#63 Sequitur – Believe it. It just cries out in existential angst. Every time I read it I feel a chill down my neck. And it’s an unnatural world—Blondie’s got to be pushing 100, at least, and she still looks like a young chick. What gives?
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 29th, 2009 at 11:02 am
5/29
MW: Upcoming revelation one: the Police Department will tell Adrian that there is no Detective Hewlett. Upcoming revelation two: Dr. Jeff is just as sucky a judge of character as his daughter. But you knew that.
Archie: Archie gives up and just plagiarizes a paper from Scarpelli and Boldman.
S-M: If basic–albeit rude–questions about where you spend your time are enough to send you into flop sweat, maybe the secret identity lifestyle isn’t for you.
Garfield: Congratulations, Paws Inc, for giving your bland for-the-money strip a healthy dose of ethnic slur.
SFx: In an Aesop sequel, the hare just sponges off the tortoise’s success. Maybe buys him lunch every couple of days.
JP: Notice that the principal and Botox McStagemom are the only people who have said anything? The entourage must just be there for immoral support.
H&J: Ketchup as a vegetable. Ahahaha! That’s precious. Oh, and President Reagan sure loves jelly beans, doesn’t he?
DT: If the King of Clubs knew all this and didn’t report it, doesn’t that make him an accessory? An accessory to the most dumbass Rube Goldberg criminal conspiracy ever, but still.
Blondie: Me, I think of Dagwood as exactly the kind of guy who wears a Bing Crosby hat with a pigeon feather in the band.
Luann: What scares me is how good Elwood seems to be with kids. Shouldn’t they have some way of recognizing an obvious sexual predator?
OBH: The ugly underside of the Girl Scout Cookie racket.
Phantom: You seem a little confused, Ghost-Who-Holds-the-Flashlight-Just-So. Diana asked you to check on her friends. Not to check out her friend’s ass.
Aviatrix
May 29th, 2009 at 11:02 am
@15 You’ll recall perhaps that Mr. Wright the RCMP constable ended up cheating on her with the local talent. I’m not sure where in this comic strip Adrian’s new beau would find an attractive, nubile woman, but if we lower to bar to “more exciting than Adrian” it’s at least possible.
@30 Adrian’s a DOCTOR? From what I’ve seen of her I was wondering if she could sustain the authority to act as a medical receptionist. Or the floor mat under a medical receptionist’s desk.
@53 We’re not expecting a plot twist in Mary Worth based on past performance. It’s imagining that something could happen that isn’t telegraphed in the very name of the character that sustains us from day to day. The challenge is to imagine something interesting that could happen within the continuity. And then to manage to be surprised when it doesn’t. People are wringing entertainment out fo a change of decor (or possibly just Picassoesque viewing angles) at the Bum Boat. Think of it as employing isometrics to work out your humour muscles.
darwiniac
May 29th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Edison Lee: The way the eyes are drawn in this strip always makes me think the characters are looking down in guilt and shame, presumably at the fact that they’re in yet another bland, jokeless family comic strip.
Luann: The only reason Gunther didn’t put a “stay away from my woman” beatdown on Elwood yesterday is because he’s seen enough porn to know you don’t mess with a greased-up midget wearing high-heeled boots if you want to maintain your… structural integrity.
Lola: Three words: shared acid flashback.
9CL: Okay, we friggin’ get it, Mceldowney, you think people are dicks. Can you please get over middle school so you can stop subjecting us to Thorax?
Curtis: Unfortunately, my crystal ball has thrown up two possible futures. First is, Curtis tells his teacher she’s being cheated on, teacher dumps whatshisface, goes back to her regular hateful self. Second is, Curtis tells his teacher she’s being cheated on, “hoochie mama” turns out to be whatshisface’s sister/cousin/co-worker/mother/something else entirely innocent, Curtis gets shamefaced, whatshisface dumps teacher for it, teacher goes back to her regular angry self.
But I don’t need a crystal ball to tell me I will soon wallow in despair that I have nothing better to do than write an entire paragraph about Curtis.
BC: For the love of God, Montres… er, Hart! (Actually, the next line fits well enough with Hart, too)
Renman2000
May 29th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Killer’s wide-eyed expression in the 2nd panel suggests his horror as he flashes back to the last time Beetle had his hands on him while he stood naked. Except that time Beetle yelled “INCOMING!”
Anson Pants
May 29th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Did the Hewlett family own a Packard ?
boojum
May 29th, 2009 at 11:25 am
The Diva @ 61:
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that Karen Moy doesn’t know shit about human psychology – or even human modes of “expression.” I believe that’s the real reason she both cribs so many ’sayings,’ and doesn’t seem to know what they mean.
migellito
May 29th, 2009 at 11:27 am
six chicks – I hesitate to put my ignorance on display, but.. I see a science lab and a dead rat. Other than that… wtf?
Bluedot
May 29th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Who knew Killer had such a nice bubble butt? No wonder he makes such good sexytime with the ladies!
Quantum Mechanic
May 29th, 2009 at 11:35 am
DT: One-Eye’s plan isn’t necessarily as stupid as it sounds. It depends if he’s a casino owner or just hired help. If he’s just hired help, then it actually makes some sense — rather than embezzle from the casino directly, rig things so some random schlubs win a lot of money and then rob it from them. That way (you hope) there’s less to tie you to the casino.
Now, if you’re a (part-)owner then yeah, it makes no sense.
Sequitur
May 29th, 2009 at 11:37 am
85 darwiniac – Curtis: Or… Curtis doesn’t say a word but he and Michelle get a front row seat as Mrs. Nelson (teacher) walks into the restaurant and has it out with Skanky Hoochy Mama™ and the dude.
Oh, rats. Now you made me write a paragraph about Curtis.
Angry Kem
May 29th, 2009 at 11:38 am
People Lamenting the Shamelessness of Foob: I do understand your pain, but this is actually an old strip. I remember it from one of the oldest of the collections.
Re. 555 numbers: Canadian comics, films, etc. tend not to use ‘em. The 555 convention is American.
(I do not really like defending Foob, but in this instance, I kind of feel obliged.)
JHPants
May 29th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Can some one please explain today’s Beetle Bailey to me? Who the hell is that woman? The general’s wife? Sarge’s mom? Sarge’s beard? And why am I even remotely concerned about this?
Joe Blevins
May 29th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Today’s Beetle Bailey has already been made into a movie: Strip Nude For Your Killer. (Not making this up.)
Meanwhile, Mary is drinking the blood of a virgin and casts no reflection in the mirror behind her. Draw your own conclusions.
Digger
May 29th, 2009 at 11:46 am
MW: This storyline will take an interesting turn when Scott brings Adrian back to Dr. Jeff’s house and they start making out on the front porch. An enraged Dr. Jeff will charge outside and pummell the lecherous pervert continuously as he screams, “Dammit, Adrian, stay away from my boyfriend!”
commodorejohn
May 29th, 2009 at 11:50 am
#72 Mr. Jones – I think “mu” is an appropriate response to anything Mary Worth says, question or no.
#78 un malpaso – Adrian is “a wise young man?” That explains a lot.
bats :[
May 29th, 2009 at 11:50 am
It must be tough for Canadian women to daringly put on a little lipstick and mascara and then go out for something to eat. They’ll automatically be accosted by the waitstaff.
It must be true. LJ and her psyche wouldn’t lie to us.
Kroko
May 29th, 2009 at 11:51 am
With a setup like this, if this were ANY other world but Mary Worth, Adrian would be found the next morning in little pieces all over Dr. Jeff’s lawn.
Black Drazon
May 29th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Some might say, “wouldn’t it be easier to just stop drawing mirrors in Mary Worth’s restaurants, since they’re not going to draw any real reflections?” I say to you, wouldn’t it be just as easy to step outside and realize family bloodlines no longer need to be preserved by marrying half-siblings and first cousins?
Hank
May 29th, 2009 at 11:55 am
RE: La Cucaracha. Granted, I’m no expert on Latino culture but if you’re going to bill your strip as “America’s first daily syndicated Latino political comic strip”, shouldn’t you at least know the difference between Los Lobos and Duran Duran?
Mike
May 29th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Why did the carpool even stop at his house? I’m assuming it was some kind of mean prank that backfired.
Will
May 29th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Gil Thorp(e): Is that Coach Kaz or Edward Penishands?
FBORFW: What a smoov operator. On the other hand his “personal home phone” as opposed to his official home phone?
Fred Basset: Unironically amusing.
The Modesto Kid
May 29th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
What, not even a glimpse of Killer’s junk? You’re such teases, Greg and Mort!
Hank
May 29th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
RE: JHPants, May 29th, 2009 at 11:39 am. The woman with Sarge is Sgt. Lugg, a female soldier who is a minor recurring character in the strip. The gist of her relationship with Sarge is that she is madly in love with him and he, depending on the day and need to set up a gag, is either her harried semi-boyfriend or completely uninterested and being pursued by her ala Big Ethel and Jughead.
zooby
May 29th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Man, Jeff’s week-long praising of Detective Hewlett has got to be the longest setup for a threesome ever. I look forward to the resolution: “Yes, Mary, Detective Hewlett sure is swell. Speaking of swells… I’m not quite sure of the prononciation but, I believe they call it a menage a trois.”
NutellaonToast
May 29th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I’m pretty sure there is a rule against touching naked men that Beetle needs to be informed of.
CanuckDownSouth
May 29th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
103-Will: As an adult cynic (as opposed to when I was a mere child cynic) I look at this and figure he’s giving her his “personal” line to get around solicitation laws.
NoahSnark
May 29th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I don’t understand Beetle Bailey’s reluctance to expose himself at a nude beach. You would think that a man who stood in a public bathroom and enthusiastically announced that he was ready to lick the world would be past basic modesty.
Greg
May 29th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
You know what would make that Beetle Bailey strip exponentially better? If the thought balloon in the second panel read, “Now that your shorts are off, Killer, I’m going to push you face down in the sand and have my way with you. Don’t ask, don’t tell!”
Fashion Police
May 29th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Mr. McEldowney may be insufferably puerile, but he does draw lovely dresses.
Alan's Addiction
May 29th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
This is the first time that sexuality has ever been so fragrantly mentioned in a Beetle Bailey strip.
What’s more depressing than the thought of an individual so tied to their career that they continue to carpool after being fired? The thought of an individual who’s so tied to their career that they still find the concept of spending time in confined quarters with Dagwood acceptable, even though they no longer have any reason to do so.
Dr. Jeff’s new man-crush and platitudes are so boring that the only thing I could really think about while reading today’s Mary Worth was, “Hey, that must be the Bum Boat! They must be clamming down right now!”
dale
May 29th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Foob
My “impersonal home phone number” is across the table from me right now. My “personal” one is the same except I have to walk funny from the bathroom to the bedroom to answer it.
Master Mahan
May 29th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
That Beetle’s first impulse on being confronted with a naked man is to reach out and grab him should surprise no one. Well, no one except Miss Buxley.
May 28th, 2009: the day the homoerotic subtext in Beetle Bailey officially became text.
“You have a lot of tension in your shoulders, Killer. Let me get that for you. Say, do you work out?”
m1ngle
May 29th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Hah! Beetle wants to know if there’s a spectator section so he can sit and watch Killer naked on the beach.
Baka Gaijin
May 29th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
#50 Sequitur: OMG! Ruthie really ripped a jughead then dribbled the ziggy! Ha ha ha ha ha ha HA!
#112 Alan: I thought the sexuality was pretty fragrant when Miss Buxley was humping the tree on Earth Day or something.
giraffe-o
May 29th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
RE: Dagwood. Well, if their erstwhile carpool partner DOES paint the parking lot with his innards, at least 3 in a car is enough to qualify for afternoon hours HOV lanes.
cooby
May 29th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Dag: So why’d they stop to pick him up?
Cletus van Drell
May 29th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Blondie: Sad but true. A neighbor of mine did exactly that, though he drove himself to (where he used to) work. He couldn’t even tell his wife — gossip had to fill in.
(This was back in the late ’90s. They had to move a long way, but it ended well.)
Brenda Starr Destroyer
May 30th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Mary Worth: At first, I was so distracted by the framed mutant fish swimming around in the background, and the way Mary is surreptitiously spooning cream of wheat into Dr. Jeff’s sleeve, that I didn’t notice that the tiny head popping out of his coffee cup doesn’t even cast a shadow! It was then that I realized this is an episode of “Find the Fish” from Monty Python’s ‘Meaning of Life.’
Tiny Head: “I wonder where that fish did go?”
Mary: “You did love it so.”