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Every parent’s worst nightmare: cardboard-clad hijinks!

Gil Thorp, 6/4/09

I’ll say this about the current Gil Thorp storyline: it’s managed, with a certain degree of skill, to keep you guessing as to what it’s about. With each new incident, it becomes clear that its dramatic ambit is wider than you think. It’s not just about dumb YouTube antics or underage drinking or Facebook or wacky locker-room pranks. At this point, the theme appears to be that teenagers are goofballs who make stupid decisions, and maybe you don’t want to create an electronic record of those decisions? (Though who knows, perhaps by next week the only unifying thread will be “all mortal existence is folly.”) Obviously that cell-phone photo of Molly will soon be circulated from giggling loser to giggling loser around the school, and she’ll be humiliated because there’s absolutely nothing more embarrassing than a picture of you hanging out with a bunch of your female friends in a not-particularly-revealing cardboard bikini. Molly will have no choice but to become a nun after the soft-carton-drink-bikini-sexting that’s about to ensue here. If only she’d learned from her incredibly dull boyfriend to avoid rowdiness at all costs!

My favorite person in this strip is actually the gal in the background in panel two, soaking up the imaginary approbation. “Yes, I helped fashion a pointless, non-functional bathing suit out of soda can boxes! Look at me, I’m just like Jesus!”

Mark Trail, 6/4/09

Wait, Mark couldn’t read the name of the company on the barrels when he was, you know, standing right in front of them, taking pictures of them, but he can read it now that he’s back at home and looking at the developed photos? Is he so committed to being a rugged outdoorsmen that, while out of doors, he refuses to display any non-rugged qualities, like literacy?

165 responses to “Every parent’s worst nightmare: cardboard-clad hijinks!

  1. Little Guy
    June 4th, 2009 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: You can get anything you want…. at Cherry’s Restaurant….

    Yeah, it’s a redux. It’s also catchy.

  2. Zaq
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    As I mentioned over on This Week in Milford, today’s Gil Thorp makes me wonder if there’s some group out there that considers sodden cardboard to be incredibly erotic, and it saddens me that there probably is.

    MW: That chair is one of the more horrifying visual effects we’ve seen in recent Mary Worth memory. It reminds me of Lynn’s ponytail.

    RMMD: Second Officer Guido is shifting into his true form! Cue the boss fight music!

    FW: Do not go gentle into that good smirk / rage, rage against your forcéd summer work!

    S-M: Wait, I forget. Does Spidey still qualify as a superhero? Like, at all?

  3. C. Havoc
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Darn it Josh,
    I read Mark Trail, and zipped over here to comment, and you (once again) beat me to it.

    (But was I First?)

  4. C. Havoc
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Obviously not.

  5. Sans Sense
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    GT: I was about to snark on how unrealistic the rampant exuberation of the teens in panel two was over something so trivial then I remembered that that type of polar swings of emotion over nothing is COMPLETELY realistic at that age. Rock on GT.

  6. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Josh – re: “At this pint, the theme appears to be that teenagers are goofballs who make stupid decisions”

    Do you mean “point” or is this a freudian slip referring to the amount of Guinness you had to drink in order to make some “sense” out of Gil Thorp?

  7. Bryan
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Take a dozen girls
    A missing swimsuit
    And some caffeine
    And you’ve got one of the primary fantasies of my adolescence.
    And that’s just sad.

  8. Perky Bird
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, elsewhere in Milford, a group of teenage boys admires one lad who, having forgotten his swimsuit, enters the hot tub wearing what he believes to be a fashionable covering consisting of a single soft drink bottle.

  9. Rob
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    so does “the soft-drink-carton bikini” translate in herb and jamaal speak as “that carbonated sugary beverage container two piece article of clothing for swimming”

  10. Rob
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    ok new shirt idea, you take the tacky bikini t-shirt idea and modify it so that all curmudgeon readers can wear the soft-drink-bikini-t-shirt.

  11. Alan's Addiction
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    I can’t make fun of Gil Thorp today, it’s way too weirdly off-topic from what I expected. At this rate, I expect that we’ll be seeing UFOs, Elvis, and/or Bigfoot in the comic strip sometime in the next few months. That’s the only way they can go to get more unexpected. However, I will say that they’ve wisely decided to avoid the Judge Parker strategy (ridiculously attractive women in skimpy outfits in every third panel) in favor of their own, more interesting take on that strategy, which is; ridiculously attractive teens in almost-skimpy, yet strangely non-sensual outfits. Tune in next week to see Tyra Banks teach us how to make a bikini out of a used dumpster!
    I can only hope that Mark and Cherry flee their cabin before it’s attacked by that Godzilla-sized egret. I’m praying that this is a giant, radioactive bird, because the alternative is that the writers are doing the standard bit where Mark does something insanely boring and stupid and they throw in a random animal scene to make it more interesting. I think that the writers are really just trying to distract us from the fact that Mark went about trying to learn the name of some random company by staring at photos for a few hours (like some “Magic Eye” puzzle) rather than making some calls, asking people if they knew anything… You know the type of stuff that enables Dick Tracy to solve these tough cases in approximately 14-22 panels.

  12. Joe Btfsplk
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    I forsee a flood of cell-phone pictures of Curmudgeons wearing their own soft-drink-carton bikinis appearing here. I can not make up my mind as to whether I am looking forward to this or not.

  13. Joe Btfsplk
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Foresee, rather. Pay attention to the spellchecker, Joe!

  14. Rob
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    So Lawrence has to go all the way to his house to use the bathroom and then has a shocked/scared look when Michael starts to enter the bathroom, I’m going to be really disappointed if the reveal tommorow isn’t Mike walking in and finding gay porno mags

  15. NutellaonToast
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure the thing is going to fall off in the pool and ZOMG, CHILD PORNOGRAPHY!

    Gil Thorpions are going to be on the receiving end of some over zealous prosecution, wooh boy.

  16. Dragon of Life
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Mark has been taking pictures of delicious Chipotle burritos, of which he will later punch off the sour cream.

  17. Uncle Balustrade
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Caffeine? More like drencrom or synthmesc down at the old Korova milk bar to get that damned silly.

  18. Megan
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    I think the real tragedy of today’s Gil Thorp is that girl’s head blocking the middle panel bikini shot. I mean, that’s what we’re all here for anyways.

  19. Joe Blevins
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    GT: The really humiliating thing here is that she’s wearing a bikini emblazoned with the name of a Dick Tracy character. Always a fashion faux pas.

    MT: I think Mark is trying to make the thinking sound — which would be “HMMMMM” — but the typography makes it look as if he has a weird, complicated stuttering problem.

  20. LITTLE A. WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL WHO HAS NEVER WON THE LOTTERY
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    MT: To paraphrase Mr, Bumble (more information about Mr. Bumble may be found on the Internet) Mark is a ass, a idiot.

  21. Wasabi Jane
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    “Mmm… This may be something! Why, it looks like the beef jerky I dropped out there two weeks ago! That stuff was tasty–I’d better go pick it up next time I’m out there. Can’t waste food, y’know. Which reminds me, I’m pretty hungry. Woman, go make me a sammich!”

  22. Donald the Anarchist
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    GT Any papery material thicker than tissue paper just isn’t erotic when worn. But unless she’s standing in a dumpster, I can’t imagine this being especially embarassing. Now if she pees herself, and THAT gets caught on camera…

    MT Is Mark finally seeing the Elrod ball? Is it anything like seeing the Fnords?

  23. Perky Bird
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    As Mark Trail stares at the photo of Campbell’s Soup cans, he struggles to remember the jingle:
    “M-M-M–This may be something….oh, what is it?…Good! That’s it! M-M-good!”

  24. Eau de Plugger
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, I really don’t want to know a damn thing about Ziggy’s opinions. Thank you Ziggy for standing by your principles as vague and non-descript as they may be.

  25. Marthas Rolling Pin
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Life imitates art division: I do believe that we have had a sneak preview of the Very Special Winkersummer Storyline

  26. thurston unger
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    GT: I don’t know, Josh– to me, the gal in panel two looks positively gleeful that her small walk-on part in Gil Thorp is almost over. Clearly she aspires to greater things: perhaps the victim of a con man in Mary Worth, or a spoiled diva in Judge Parker. THAT’S where the action is. She’ll need a bigger rack if she’s headed for JP, though. Just sayin’.

  27. Rob
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    The Gil Thorp strips this week read like one big improv game of “yes and”

    Ok scene, a bunch of girls at a sleep over eating pizza and drinking soda

    yes and… they decide to go in the hot tub

    yes and… one girl forgot her suit

    yes and… another girl offers her suit

    yes and… the suit won’t fit

    yes and… they decide to make a bikini out of a soda box

    yes and… she wears it and says no pictures

    yes and… she changes her mind and says take a picture

    yes and… stay tuned

  28. Baka Gaijin
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Medium Large: Wiimpy, buddy, you better have used conditioner in your moustache before you make that offer.

    One Big Happy: I love when Ruthie’s so upset she flaps her arms like she could take off like a hummingbird. Maybe Mrs. Ruthie shouldn’t feed the kid red sugar water.

    PS-Ruthie, they named horse “Wildfire” but put it in a cardboard stable. Cogitate on that a while.

  29. Bitter Scribe
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Look on the bright side: They didn’t try to make a swimsuit out of soda cans.

  30. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Re: #26 thurston unger

    I think that a role in JP comes with an automatic “enhancement” in that area provided free of charge by Baretto.

  31. Poteet
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Comic strip artists, I am begging you. If you can’t draw human hands, don’t feature closeups of them in every damn panel.

  32. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    “All mortal existence is folly”! You got a snort out of me, Mr Josh. But isn’t that the theme of Funky Winkerbean? Or perhaps FW’s theme can best be stated as, in the words of Dogbert the seer, “eventually you will die.”

  33. Rob
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    ahh the joys of youth, when you can fit into a soft drink carton bikini instead of have to wear a soft drink carton one piece which just look ridiculous

  34. survivor
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    M-M-M?

    Is Mark Trail implicating the 3M scotch tape company?

  35. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Rob@27: you game of “yes and” sounds like it should have ended up where today’s Jane’s World did:
    http://comics.com/janes_world/2009-06-04/

  36. thehollis
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    I think I’d be more impressed with a cardboard thong, but hey, that’s just me.

  37. Baka Gaijin
    June 4th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    #2 Zaq: on Mary Worth: The chair? The chair is the horrifying visual effect? What about Mary gripping her head before it falls to the ground and bounces like a bowling ball? That’s what she gets for letting Adrian fuse her cervical vertebrae.

  38. Toni
    June 4th, 2009 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    It’s funny seeing all this Gil Thorp, since my paper pulled it and Judge Parker this week.

    The online voting is still open to save Judge Parker but it is going to be tough, since it requires registeration at the DNT’s (Duluth News-Tribune) website. Here is the link:

    http://www.duluthnewstribune.com/event/poll/created/2009-06-02/question/Do%2520you%2520miss%2520Judge%2520Parker%2520in%2520the%2520News%2520Tribune%2520comics%2520section%253F/

    But, I hear they are getting a nice amount of complaint emails. Hopefully that causes them to bring back Judge Parker (or Gil Thorp). Or both.

    news@duluthnews.com
    or
    rkarwath@duluthnews.com (Rob Karwath, Editor)

    It would nice to see us flip them around. THANK YOU!

  39. gnome de blog
    June 4th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    The Wilson High School Woodies. Has a nice ring to it, like the Beaverton High School Beavers.

    So if Sophie’s 14, this is FRESHMAN cheerleading we’re talking about. Who’s gonna care besides the Gang of Four Moms?

  40. gnome de blog
    June 4th, 2009 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, Edward Covice has posted bond, shaved his mustache and headed for Manhattan, where he heard of a lonely red-headed nurse…

  41. Pozzo
    June 4th, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Not sure why, but I suddenly have a thirst that only “Diet” can quench. (There’s no way to make that sound not dirty, is there?)

  42. El Santo
    June 4th, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @38: Sigh, if only Rubin and Whigham had gotten to the cardboard bikini plot sooner, I’m sure it would have lived another 30 or so years in your paper.

  43. El Santo
    June 4th, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    My theory for that girl’s head blocking the bottom portion: I’ve been wracking my head, wondering how in God’s name you can ever fashion cardboard panties. It seems physically unfeasible! So, I’m guessing Rod Whigham thought the same. There’s absolutely no way to draw it without looking like a box or diapers.

    [/pervy moment of lucidity]

  44. bats :[
    June 4th, 2009 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Josh re MT: it’s more scientific when you use a camera and a magnifying glass. Really. Ask Rex Morgan. He’s a doctor, you know, and that’s almost like a science guy.

  45. Mr. Jones
    June 4th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    I’m not impressed.

    Back in 1990:

    One guy in the dorm shower
    A stolen towel
    Add some alcohol and PRESTO

    a paper-towel LOINCLOTH

  46. Steve L
    June 4th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    The name of the company is “Jack Elrod”, obviously, judging by the position of the bouncing ball.

  47. The Mighty Captain E
    June 4th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    #31 Poteet – I am vaguely remembering you (or someone like you) once posted a demand that Locher stop drawing hands in DT. Apparently all he could manage to produce were appendages that seemed drawn from thalidomide baby models. In a way, I am sad to see that you are begging now because my heart ain’t made of stone and I don’t like to see a consistently top-rate poster in such pain.
    On the other hand, I love all of these gnarly, mangled manual facsimiles; GT and DT especially. I don’t know why, exactly. It’s just the special blessing/curse of a hand fetishist I guess. Give me those arthritic-looking, disjointed claws and pudgy, nubbin-stunted stubs – I can hardly get enough!

  48. Zach
    June 4th, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Be it by bad taste, bad planning, or bad luck, the carton panel with the missing Willis boy should not have ended up covering Molly’s pubis.

  49. PeteMoss
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    GT – They’ve ripped off my idea for a line of cardboard casuals (just in time for the new depression!). I was going to first introduce cardboard cargo pants with matching carboard cardigans, but I was eventually going to have a whole line of summer wear – carboard tank-tops and fashion tees, and, yes, cardboard swimwear. I will admit that using soft drink cartons is clever twist, where as my plan was to work with boxes that the copier paper comes in. Not nearly as colorful. Diet, indeed!

  50. Gal Friday
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    MT: Can’t wait for the sexy, hot-for-Mark EPA agent to show up . . .

  51. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    y6 bats:[
    I probably have seen some of those old Dennis strips. It’s a little different because he was a child and the two people in Six Chix are adults. Which kind of nudity is more accepted depends on context, of course.

  52. Alison
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Wait, the long-haired man in the cardboard bikini is a girl? Sure doesn’t look like one in panel three.

  53. Poteet
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    # 47 Mighty — Thank you for your very kind and complimentary concern. And thank you for giving me a new point of view. It hadn’t occurred to me that grotesque-hand-spotting could become an enjoyable comics hobby.

    Now I will be able to look at deformed new specimens and think “Har, the Mighty Captain E is going to love that one!” Maybe I’ll even start handing out a private Ghastly-Hand prize. Today I think it would have to go to the right hand of Background Gal in Panel Two, because it’s webbed. But it’s a close call, because Stubby Weird-knuckles, holding the scissors in Panel One, is also impressive.

  54. Darkefang
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Crock: Those are vultures? Maybe the visual gags are best left to those strips whose artwork isn’t some kind of surrealist nightmare.

  55. Squid Vicious
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    As was pointed out by a commenter on my blog, the really remarkable thing about today’s strip is that Jack Elrod managed to draw an animal that 1) actually looks vaguely like something you’d find in nature (i.e., a great blue heron) and 2) actually apears to be engaging in natural behavior. I think Jack Elrod managed to achieve this rarified height of realism to direct our attention away from the fact that today’s “action” is especially stupid.

  56. JHPants
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Re: #29 Bitter Scribe

    Thanks for reminding me of those crocheted beer can hats from the 70s.

  57. Poteet
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    # 55 Squid Vicious — I’ve seen realistically-drawn animals and birds in MT before, but their coloration was often like nothing ever seen on this planet. I applaud the color monkeys for making the great blue heron look amazingly, well, blue.

    As for the humans in MT, I don’t know what it would take to help them.

  58. Black Drazon
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Josh has to be right about the direction of this Gil Thorp storyline. Look how they’re treating the bikini with careful object placement and views. It’s as if the body of a teenaged girl in a bikini is radioactive, or so unbelievably evil that the very sight of it will rip open a portal in reality to the depths of hell and unleash Mary Worth upon the world.

  59. darwiniac
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    ‘Shaft: Grandma’s smoking! Who called it? I can’t really be bothered to go back and look. Also, note the look of horror on mom and dad’s faces, yet the look of pure joy on the daughter. Guess who’s grown to love the old bag, and who’s looking forward to a lung-cancer-hastened inheritance?

    Archie: She seems quite unconcerned that the pipes burst with enough force to fling parts into another room, and therefore with enough force to maim and potentially kill her husband and son. Inheritance again, or just sweet, sweet freedom?

    MC: Marionatrix sounds like something related to a puppet-fetish. Or a disgraced-DC-mayor fetish.

    MW: “I’ll tell you when I see you. No telemeddling!”

    S4th: Early-onset dementia is always so sad to see.

  60. druidbros
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    MW – WHAT !!! Delilah is going to make Mary wait a week? Oh man Mary’s meddlin powers will be overflowing by that time. I only hope Mary can wait or there will be a lot of collateral damage.

  61. Hogenmogen
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    GT: What, they didn’t have duct tape around?

  62. anaceofkidneys
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    I know they have to say “caffeine” because “alcohol” is not appropriate for a syndicated strip, but… come on. I drink A LOT of coffee. I’ve never once felt compelled to cover my nether regions with chipboard.

  63. Hogenmogen
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Duct tape bikini: Form fitting and stands up to water. But my first thought is “When you’re pulling it off, won’t that hurt your nips?

    Well, that’s my first thought after “Yowza!”

  64. Steve S
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail, the comic strip so dull that cutting away from the “action” to show a bird standing in a pond or a chipmunk doing nothing is considered “jazzing it up.”

  65. The Weirded-out Wolverine
    June 4th, 2009 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    I’m the best there is at what I do. And what I do isn’t very nice. But even I would never wear a cardboard bikini.

  66. Hogenmogen
    June 4th, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Say what you will about Gil Thorp, but there has been more interesting plot twists in three days there than in a month of Rex. You’ve got to admit that. Sure, June Morgan is a looker, but in what other comic are you ever going to see the insanity of an Earth-friendly bra & panty set (Delta from Luann take note)?

    But what’s with the “Someone grab my cell phone”? If only there was a device available that would take pictures more efficiently than a 800kb cell phone. Gosh if only we could procure one of these devices – you know, the ones that look exactly like the electronic instrument depicted in panel 2. Yeah, if only we had one of those, we could take a picture that doesn’t look like a grainy blur.

  67. Zach
    June 4th, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Cardboard soft drink container must mean either a milk carton or a juice box. I hope it’s a juice box. That would be oh-so-wrong and oh-so-right.

  68. Anonymous
    June 4th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    GT: I was speed reading again and saw “cocaine” instead of Caffeine. Would have made much more sense.

  69. Foolster41
    June 4th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Darn it, did it again.

    #68 is me. :P

  70. Chipper
    June 4th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail’s magnifying glass is the same model that I have been using to analyze June’s color-shifting bikini (which, by the way, appears to be made from single 5-Hour Energy container label).

  71. bats :[
    June 4th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    60. druidbros: maybe there’s someplace in Santa Royale where Mary can donate excess meddlin’, like donating blood at the Red Cross, or selling plasma or semen.
    Of course, Jeff is probably somewhere trying to donate urine…

  72. UncleJeff
    June 4th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    71 bats:} Uh, you mean Jeff Corey, don’t you?

  73. Comrade Denny
    June 4th, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    #11: Coach Kaz is Bigfoot, and based on his inability to grasp the basic idea of “coaching” I’d say that Gil is an alien from a planet that doesn’t have sports or any kind of collective endeavor. I have no idea who Elvis is, tho’. Marty Moon?

    #17: There was me, that is Molly, and my three teammates, and we sat in the Bucket trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. The Bucket colabar sold diet cola-plus, diet cola plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would blunt you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-stupid.

    #32: No, the underlying thread in the Funkyverse is “mortal and immortal existence is folly,” as evidence by a ghost who, with all time, space, and eternity at her disposal, can think of nothing better to do than watch her former husband (“death do us part”) jam another woman.

    FC: Cue Dean (of the Comics Booth) to change the word “bath” to “death” and covering Jeffy in blood and guts, preferably his own.

    MW: [Touching breast] “Give me a week to take care of things, Mary. ” “What happened to you an Lawrence? You seemed so hap-” “Hey, Mary. I gotta go.” [Click. Rubs one out.] That’s what happened to her and Lawrence.

    And again, Mary’s having trouble keeping her people mask on. Get some epoxy or something! They mey tolerate your meddling now, but once they realize you’re a sentient, mind-controlling Praying Mantis from Sirius B … well – with all that thorazine in the water, they probably won’t even notice.

    AS-M: See, Petey! That’s how you do the heroing. Less musing, more moving!

    Ziggy: Ziggy knows better than to give his true opinions to someone who’s obviously with the GRU.

  74. LouieLouie
    June 4th, 2009 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    I think that Mark Trail didn’t go up close to the barrels because they might be toxic. At least thats what he told Andy. So its possible that he didn’t get close enough to read the barrels but needs the telephoto pictures and the magnifing glass. However, this is Mark Trail, so probably not. He’s not even using a digital camera. Then he could examine it pixel by pixel on the computer we’ve never seen him use.

  75. commodorejohn
    June 4th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    #67 Zach – The top totally should have been made from milk cartons.

  76. bats :[
    June 4th, 2009 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    I know that Mark and Cherry’s Pop like to be thorough, but I think that time is of the essence here, and that dawdling over this investigation might be a little dangerous to one’s health and well-being:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3596487934/sizes/o/

  77. bats :[
    June 4th, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    72. UncleJeff: absolutely. Jeff Cory. Yep, that’s the one.

  78. Jeremiah
    June 4th, 2009 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    JP – Finally, the stories come together into a cohesive whole . As Rocky’s prejudice of public school bubbles to the surface, he will immediately rescind his earlier comment as he catches a glimpse of “Wilson High School” on the intricately detailed phone. Feelings will be hurt; lessons will be learned; cleavage will burst forth from the tops of designer blouses. This is undoubtedly culminate in the mulleted musician singing at the prom as the teenagers rock-out in typical JP style. I wait with bated breath… or no breath at all.

    A3G – Margo: “This lamp is more your type. It’s steady, simple, and fills me with an austere sense of smugness and fury – just like you!”

    MW – As Delilah seductively gives herself an upper breast examination while staring at the neighbors’ teenaged boys, Mary attempts to keep her head from falling off. Soon, though, Mary will meddle and through this process will regain her youth. Be patient, dear Mary.

  79. t007
    June 4th, 2009 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    From my friend Jane: “I know what happened! She fell under the spell of Ted and gave him all her money. Lawrence found out when he visited enormoushop.com to buy her a DVD for their anniversary and noticed that his credit card was declined. It’s a crossover storyline!!”

    I told her to send that idea to Moy.

  80. t007
    June 4th, 2009 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    MW – Moy

    http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07063/766684-109.stm

    Oh hells no! 3 to 5 months!

  81. BigTed
    June 4th, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Saying “no pictures” may keep revealing photos of you from appearing on Facebook, but it sure doesn’t prevent some enterprising guy from drawing you and publishing the sketch in half the newspapers in the country. Luckily, she’ll never find out, because no one under 60 actually reads newspapers anymore. (Present company excepted, I’m sure!)

  82. Joe
    June 4th, 2009 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Curtis Curtis Curtis, snitching on Mr. Whatshisname’s playa game. And yet, you wonder why you can’t get with Michelle. Karma’s a beyotch.

  83. Jackuul
    June 4th, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Out of my misgarfieldthropy comes many thoughts when lack of sleep dominates. Of which these are likely the most perverse so far.

  84. Ktrout
    June 4th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Mark trail narrowly avoids a potentially marriage-destroying Feudian slip by catching himself just before calling his wife “Mommy.”

  85. Vince M
    June 4th, 2009 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m assuming everyone sees the same banners/links as I do here – is the ‘Intragalactic’ site a comics version of ‘ShanaLogic’? I mean, look at ‘em!

  86. Engadget Reader
    June 4th, 2009 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    Josh, is this you electronically corresponding with the Engadget Palm Pre reviewer? [scroll down to the IM/SMS or Phone sections] Or has your name become the new universally accepted “John Doe”?

    If it is you, it may confirm that bloggers truly are some bizarre new world order, and they have a plan…

  87. annabanana
    June 4th, 2009 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    This being Gil Thorp, I’m fairly certain that they won’t be using the word ‘sexting’. I can hardly wait to see what suitably Puratinco-Luddite phrase Gil will coin to refer to the phenomenon of ‘taking cell phone photos of adolescent girls in swimwear that looks suspiciously like a leftover costume from a 1932 Flash Gordon serial’.

  88. Uncle Balustrade
    June 4th, 2009 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    #73 Comrade Denny: Re:GT: We’re never going to see any of the old “in-out-in-out”, are we?Cardboard vesches notwithstanding.

  89. Mooncattie
    June 4th, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    MW – “But Mary, I shouldn’t use your guest room. What happens if that nice doctor gentleman friend of yours comes to call?”
    “Oh, screw Jeff. No, really. You are honestly welcome to actually screw Jeff if you want. I mean, I never do!”

    I think I may just take a liking to Delilah. She already has the best hair of any Mary Worth guest star dating back to Chester the Dog, and she’s sly enough not to say too much over the phone, which for all she knows is plugged into the Charterstone public address system. She seems to know Ol’ Mare pretty well – she’s basically saying I refuse to allow you to meddle me until we’re together face to face, which is as close to foreplay as we ever get in this strip, and Thank You God for that! (In-joke to Toronto subway patrons – wouldn’t it be cute if she and Lawrence had a little baby named Eglinton?)

  90. Vince M
    June 4th, 2009 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    Like the ‘nesting-coffin vampire doll’ of last week, ‘soft drink carton bikini’ sounds like something that would only make sense in a dream context.
    In fact, way back in grade school I had one of those ‘show up in class in your underwear’ dreams where I was spared further trauma when a classmate presented me with a newspaper suit – very nicely done too, with jacket, lapels, even a tie. Not sure I want to know what that one meant…

  91. OKStan
    June 4th, 2009 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    GT: Oh, those crazy kiddies with their newfangled DIET soda and their cardboard bikinis! Shocking!
    Seriously, they made a point to throw DIET onto the box-bikini, which is a little disturbing. Could be a lead in to an anorexia storyline, perhaps?

  92. Josh
    June 4th, 2009 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    #86 Engadget Reader — Believe it or not, the Josh Fruhlinger who is a big honcho for Engadget and other Weblogs Inc. blogs is not me. He’s Joshua A. and I’m Joshua G. I think we’re third cousins or something? We’ve never met in person, though we’ve communicated intermittently online over the past 15 years or so that we’ve been aware of each other’s existance. Now we’re Facebook friends!

    Just to add to the confusion, I do write a couple of tech blogs, though they’re lower-profile than Engadget by several orders of magnitude: Apple: Inside the Cult and Java to Go.

  93. Nekrotzar
    June 4th, 2009 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    The phrase not-particularly-revealing cardboard bikini would sort of seem an interesting test of Rule 34.

    On the other hand, what I’m taking away from today’s Gil Thorpe is, you know how pizza is sometimes topped with mushrooms? Yeah, you might want to stay away from that.

  94. Kajjansiblackmamba
    June 4th, 2009 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary Worth now featuring 30% more shokushu goukan

  95. blackgoat
    June 4th, 2009 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    GT : I thought Molly was saying “UNH, UNH, no pictures,” and referring to the University of New Hampshire, which made no sense at all. Which made sense, since I was reading Gil Thorp.

  96. NDCaesar
    June 4th, 2009 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    It’s only scandalous because “Molly” is obviously a transvestite.

  97. Toni
    June 4th, 2009 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    I am curious if anyone who has emailed my paper, the Duluth News-Tribune about the pulling of Judge Parker has received a response?

    news@duluthnews.com

    I know they have heard from people, but haven’t said if the Judge (or Gil) are coming back. :(

    Thanks for the help!

  98. Mrs Threeway Taint
    June 4th, 2009 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    … and by caffeine they mean fat bong rips, Everclear and Black Cherry Shasta, and little brother’s Adderall (how do you think those kids make it through so many interminable baseball games anyway?).

  99. Winky's Spleen
    June 5th, 2009 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    Say, has McEldowney turned his strip over to the Thorax ‘n’ MontyGod Show to punish readers for failing to love his “We’ll always have Brussells” story arc? Because if he is, he’s an even bigger putz than I thought.

  100. True Fable
    June 5th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Abbey Spencer, Geek Defender Oh the fireworks are fixin’ to start next week! Thank you Woody for giving Eduardo Barreto a chance to bring back the Spirit of Dixie Julep in catfight form!

    Rex Morgan, Man Whore I don’t care if Willy actually looks almost human today, I still don’t want the kid to permanently join the cast.

    Meddle House Now I know some will claim that Mary should be saying farewell into the phone in the first panel, but you see, Mary has jumped into the Delusional Zone where she believes that she can simply continue to talk to them and they will hear her. Proof? Why do you suppose we hardly saw her during the Adrian saga? It’s because Mary was usiing her Telepathic Mindfuck as she’s doing now.
    Never question the Power of Meddle!

    Margo 3-D Margo understands, Tommie. She’s seen you bring home and subsequently lose, more losers than you realize. She’s getting used to it so much that she’s going to write a turgid soap opera strip about it, and intermingle tales of bloodlust and mayhem from her own tales of glory. See? She’s getting more plot ideas even as she speaks.

    Fist O Justice Theater This segment of the Fist O Justice Theater looks to be R rated, as Mark prepares to scrape the 55 gallon drum with his tool of choice. Mark, please – get a room.

    Kit Walker, Troublemaker Ranger You know, if he didn’t want to give you his name, you weren’t going to get it anyway. What were you going to do – put a Good Samaritan ‘citizen’ in a headlock until he screamed uncle and told you “I’m the Phantom, Bitch!” like some sort of purple jumpsuited Juggernaut?

  101. bats :[
    June 5th, 2009 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    TGIFunnies!

    Mutts: oooh, I do love the passed-out Mooch in Panel 2.

    RMMD: OMG OMG OMG! The EXCITEMENT!!!

  102. Dingo
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    Do you buy a pantsuit to match your lamp or a lamp to match your pantsuit?

  103. Dr. Weird
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    GT

    Sadly, no more pool party… and it appears there’s product placement for a Wolverine video game too.

  104. Parmalat Loire
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    06/05 Strips:

    Cathy: Sadly, there is probably a Cathy fan out there that’d be fanatical enough to pay that much for the bear. I can only hope and wish that I am wrong.

    Crankshaft: Good choice, Rose. It’ll kill you sooner, thus making everyone happy.

    Get Fuzzy: This inane series is suddenly worth it just by delving into cold calling and how fakers abuse it.

    Marvin: Holy Michael Jackson’s nose, they’re going to try and potty train it?! This is going to be more disgusting than the bloopers reel from a scatological pornography compilation.

    TBMofEL: Edison Lee must be running the energy concern from which I get power for my house as a side job. Explains a lot about my last series of bills and their new contracts.

  105. True Fable
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    C’haft Yeah, that’s pretty much the way I think Batuik feels about the human race.

    Dennis Schmenace How come your dad’s dark hair should be the dominant gene but you have blonde hair like your mom and the mailman? Huh??

    Children of the Corn I sincerely hope we’re not going to see another vacation arc from these people. Unless, of course, it’s to pet the grizzlys at Yellowstone.

    Canadian Zombie What IS it with Lynn and her fascination with little boys’ poo? Snap out of it, lady.

    Scenes from Suburban Hell Chapter One: How I Became A World-Class Walk Racer:
    “I smarted off to my dad.”

    Spider-Gawker It’s funny because Peter looks like he’s being goosed by one of those adamantium claws.

  106. Frank Parsnip
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    MW: What’s up with Mary saying goodbye to Delilah in the midst of hanging up the phone? Even when Mary was a spring chicken, phone mouthpieces didn’t work that way.

    MT: Mark’s realized that the drums of chemicals are clearly marked with some company’s name. And with a little scraping, he can take the company name off the drums.

    Jugs Parker: Those cheerleading moms haven’t seen anything quite so intimidating as the Abbytastic bustline. It’s no accident that the speech balloon is coming out from the side of her breasts.

    DtM: Asking dumb questions hinting at an old man’s baldness? Not menacing. Try scalping the old bastard, yourself.

    Sex Organ, M.D.: From the last panel, I’m just guessing that the mom was pitched overboard as part of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” stowaway zero-tolerance policy.

    Curtis: Curtis is so worried about how Mrs. Nelson’s going to be hurt by her boyfriend’s cheating… and yet nobody even stops to consider how Mr. Nelson feels about this.

  107. Pups
    June 5th, 2009 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    The real message in Gil Thorpe — Don’t mix teenaged girls and caffeine, aka “Milford Heroin”.

  108. Pups
    June 5th, 2009 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    Nah, strike that. More like “Milford Meth.”

  109. Cool not Cold
    June 5th, 2009 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    #102 Dingo – Damn it you beat me to it…I thought maybe it’s a requirement at Charterstone that ones outfit must match ones decor on a daily basis! Or at least their table lamps.

    MT: You know, Mark, those are supposed to be TOXIC barrels! Why aren’t you wearing gloves? Or a mask? Or having the “proper agencies” look at these? Geez, Mark. You really are the biggest bonehead in Lost Forest. Oh wait, maybe not…maybe that’s Cherry.

    Josh: Did you sneak into Tucson recently and not tell us??
    Oh, how I rue that I missed the Kon-Tiki meeting. Do come again, soon!

  110. mollificent
    June 5th, 2009 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    I know I’m behind, but I just want the record to state that I have never worn cardboard swimwear of any kind, nor have any other Mollys of my acquaintance. Just speaking up on behalf of my namesakes around the world…

    Oh, and Niall from a couple threads ago…dude, you don’t need to sew or make shoes. You know how to make CHOCOLATE. *big grin* Enough of the good stuff, and who the hell cares if I have nothing to wear?

    (ummm…that came out a little differently than I’d intended. ;))

  111. Deena in OR
    June 5th, 2009 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Mollificent-Good, because it would be lousy dancewear ::ducks and runs::

  112. True Fable
    June 5th, 2009 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Clothing is always optional if you’ve got chocolate. ;)

  113. Mr. O'Malley
    June 5th, 2009 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    This is not quite as good as cardboard swimwear, but more practical perhaps.

    The discussion reminds me of The Goon Show which featured lines like “Who approaches, clad in cardboard plus-fours?”

  114. mollificent
    June 5th, 2009 at 3:18 am [Reply]

    Deena…talk about chafing! LOL!

  115. True Fable
    June 5th, 2009 at 6:01 am [Reply]

    Good Wing Sauce! Guido must have pointed at everyone so hard, it made them take a pause before posting again.

  116. gleeb
    June 5th, 2009 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: And so, the quiet vengeance begins. I hope it drives them mad.

    ‘bean: This is going to be a fun couple of months, every day watching Cory being given a different crap job.

    H&J: Normally, maybe. But Herb and Jamal together are always even worse than either taken separately.

    Abbey Driver, alert mama!: So, what does the principal get from this? Free brownwine?

    Luann: People complain about Delta, but she seems to have been the only one who read the text when agreeing to keep that bit of ground clean.

  117. John C Fremont
    June 5th, 2009 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Hey, everybody, it’s Mimi from “The Drew Carey Show!”

    Phantom – Huh. I actually predicted this yesterday. I must be, like, a psychic or something. Oh. Not “psychic.” “Sidekick.” That’s practically a henchman. Just like Moist. Wait, what was I talking about?

  118. mordock999
    June 5th, 2009 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann 060509

    The GOOD NEWS: This Public Service Announcement storyline ENDS tommorrow.

    The EVEN BETTER NEWS: Unbeknownst to Delta, she is about to be STABBED multiple times by those SHARP Litter Pick-up Sticks.

    _______________________________________

    DEATH to TJ!

  119. True Fable
    June 5th, 2009 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    # 117 John C Fremont – Re Phantom: Bad Horse, Bad Horse, Bad Horse; he’s bad!

    He rides across the nation, The Thoroughbred of Sin.
    He got the application that you – just – sent – in.
    It needs evaluation, so let the games begin.

    A heinous crime, a show of force,
    A murder would be nice of course!

    Bad Horse, Bad Horse, Bad Horse, He’s Bad!

    The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware.
    The grade that you receive will be your last we swear!

    So make the Bad Horse gleeful, or he’ll make you his mare.

    You’re saddled up. There’s no recourse. It’s Hi-Ho Silver!

    Signed Bad Horse.

  120. temujin
    June 5th, 2009 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    They had me at “Take a Dozen Girls, a missing swimsuit…”

    Though on reflection, “a dozen missing swimsuits…” would have worked too.

  121. Brick Bradford
    June 5th, 2009 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    9CL: Say what you will about this storyline, I am loving the phrase “bonkers used gromit peddler”.

    MT: Yeah, let’s go handle the toxic waste barrels–this is a good example for the kids.

    JP: MILF fight! MILF fight!

    MW: Mary is actually striking dramatic poses for an empty room. If this were a 50′s soap (and let’s face it, it is) there would be some melodramatic organ music about now.

  122. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 5th, 2009 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Pluggers:Alternate Caption – Pluggers wait until the clerk is done ringing up the groceries before they get out their checkbook and start filling out the check.

    JP – I’ve been hoping against hope that this storyline would end with Sophie realizing that it takes more than an A average in English to pass a cheerleader tryout. But I’m more afeared than ever that she will turn out to be the bestest cheerleader ever after having spent an evening studying the manual.

    Marvin – Taking the poop jokes to a whole new level.

    FOOB – Taking the poop jokes to a whole new level.

  123. TheCasey
    June 5th, 2009 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    6/5

    A3G – “Enough about your lame life! It’s Margo Time!”

    Archie – So Archie’s going to propose to put a spark back into things? Oh, that always works.

    Crock – HOW BIG ARE YOUR HANDS?!

    Marvin – Why? WHY? ::quiet sobbing::

  124. Malethoth K
    June 5th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Guys, take a close look at the second panel of today’s Gil Thorp. I think it’s actually an accurate representation of the new Wolverine video game: a shirtless guy with Wolverine hair, jeans, and claws leaping at an enemy, and an actual GUI in the upper left corner of the screen that looks pretty similar to ones that’ve been in countless action games.

    That means that Gil Thorp is doing a better job accurately portraying video games than Hollywood films that are actually directed straight at teenagers.

    This blows my mind.

  125. Steve the Pocket
    June 5th, 2009 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @#120: Yeah, you’d think anything that starts out that way couldn’t possibly end borringly, right? *sigh*

    Chickweed: I’ma go out on a limb and guess the writer meant “grommet peddler”? Unless she’s accusing him of selling used copies of British claymation films. Which I’d be hard pressed to say is an insult.

    Krankenschaft: What do you think, valid point about the dangers of secondhand smoke, or insipid Very Special Episode about how how this hateful old bat should give up smoking for her OWN sake so she can extend her miserable life as long as possible before the Almighty decides “screw it” and strikes her down himself? Place yah bets, people!

    Pearls: You know, this is starting to bug me. The human characters in this comic don’t open their mouths when they talk. What is up with that? I have the same problem with FoxTrot, but it only runs once a week so I hardly even notice anymore.

    Prickly: “Bam, my bum!” Umm…

    Six Chix: It looks like clever satire until you realize the probability of a marriage surviving, period, is actually about one to one, so either the bookie knows the couple personally or they could get much better odds at another chapel. (Ah, phrases I’d never thought I’d see in print…)

    Zits: I have nothing to comment really, other than the sentence “It’s a pleasure to watch you operate” is delightfully silly and potentially disturbing at the same time.

  126. buckyswife
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo is positively gleeful that she can once again turn the conversation back where it belongs: herself.

    MT: Mark’s checking this out himself? He’s not making Andy scratch off the—what? dirt? toxic waste?—with his doggie claws? Or enlisting that giant beaver/woodchuck?

    SM: Reason #1,452 that Peter Parker is an idjit: How many other guys walk around with that particular hairstyle and facial hair configuration? I mean, my god—Wolverine looks like he got a glancing blow to the chin from Mark Trail!

    MW: I think I’ll move to Charterstone and start a business supplying home accessories—inexpensive, removable coverings for lamps, walls, and furniture so that the resident can always be properly color coordinated.

  127. Foobaphobe
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    FOOB:
    Brings to mind the MST3K classic short, “Why Study Industrial Arts?”
    “Look honey, the last owners forgot to flush!”

  128. ignatz
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: The comic strip for those who think they’re isn’t enough cancer on the comic page.

  129. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    6/5

    DT: I guess now Dick will explain to BO plenty that the casino gave away money as a pretext to rob him. It will probably make as much sense to him as it does to me. To wit, none.

    MW: The supervillain gloats in her lair. She doesn’t have quite enough facial hair to pull off the mustache twirling thing, but she’s working on it.

    Baldo: Don’t be a dick, Baldo. As Cantu keeps reminding us, she’s the brains of the family.

    JP: Since the principal admits in so many words that she and the rest of the faculty are completely impotent when it comes to preventing adult-on-child bullying, maybe Abbey should consider bringing ordnance. Tear gas and cattle prods, at least.

    Marvin: And I’ve got this horrible feeling we’re going to be taking that step with you.

    C-Shaft: It’ll freak everyone out if she says, “What are you gonna do, arrest me for smoking?” in a flawless Sharon Stone impression.

    Phantom: Just fill in a name you made up. I’m sure that’s what the Jungle Patrol does three quarters of the time. Me, I’d go with “Purple Drank.”

    Blondie: The economic headlines of the 2000′s grafted onto the sexual politics of the 1840′s.

    Luann: Well, I guess there’s never really a bad time for a spontaneous orgasm. Bernice may want to muffle her voice some, though.

  130. commodorejohn
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    A3G – I think that the thing I like best about today’s stripp is the way Margo is pointing to the phone. “No, really, it is Gabriella, check this out.”

    AS – Ha ha! Nothing says “funny” like the government trying to force people onto reservations and getting slaughtered for their trouble! Laughs all around! Ha ha ha!

    BBlue – “Hair product?” Do you buy that at the same “retail establishment” you would buy “bread products” at?

    Crankshaft – The three faces of Crankshaft: revulsion, resignation, and pure unadulterated spite.

    DT – Oh great, the storyline’s lapped itself.

    FW – Ha ha! Wage slavery has robbed Cory of even his memories of childhood wonder! Ha ha ha!

    GA – Who the hell gave Slim church keys?

    GT – Oh, this is the newspaper-friendly version of sending topless pics to your boyfriend, got it. Well, as long as that generates utter wonderful lunacies like “soft-drink carton bikini,” I’m not complaining.

    JP – “To the Batmobile!”

    Love Is… – Stepford.

    Luann – Just kill her, ladies. You can hide the body in the bushes, and nobody will notice until she starts to ooze onto the sidewalk. After all, who would miss someone like that?

    MT – I’m not sure Mark is entirely clear on this “toxic waste” deal.

    MW – Panel one is the most sinister thing I’ve seen from Mary in quite a while. It even sounds like a villain line, and the fact that her head is falling off again just makes it creepier.

    MC – So which of the characters did you like better; John Cooner, or Kyle Rhesus?

    PBS – Funny.

    Phantom – Most bureacratic secret crime-fighting organization ever? Why, yes.

  131. Anonymous
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Archie: Wow, it’s like Veronica and Archie are married already…

    Crank: Rose’s bucket list: 1)smoke, 2)asphyxiophilia, 3)necrophilia, 4)coulrophilia, 5)cancer

    DTM: “ha, ha Dennis. Grow a fucking neck.”

    CircusJerk: “Goodbye, my one minority friend. See you in the fall.”

    FW: Ok…so where’s the missing 2nd panel where we see the in-between moment where you fucked this kid up, Funky? I’m betting a drunken smackdown on the kid one night after work.

    Luann: Huh. Bernice was thinking “sex”, but said “exercise” instead.

    Wolverine, featuring Peter Parker: Let’s see, Pete…Proportionate reflexes of a man (Wolverine) vs. proportionate reflexes of a dead spider (you)…yeah, it was a close contest to save that kid.

  132. kalki
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    oops. 131 me

  133. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @ #132

    I’ll 131 you good!!!!

  134. Niall
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    It’s Friday, and the swelling is just starting to go down, thank goodness:

    A3G: Margo is one of few comic strip characters who could say “the plot thickens” ironically. Sadly, most would say it straight.

    BC: …made no sense to me. As in, no humour. Still better than bad humour though.

    Dick Tracy managed on a Friday to not advance the plot by an iota. Impressive, in a useless kind of way.

    Gil Thorp panel #3 nearly made me giggle out of my chair. I don’t know what Rubin & Wigham are on, but please continue to imbibe/smoke it, as the results are rather enjoyable.

    Mary Worth is coloured by daltonians. It’s the only logical explanation.

    My Cage: How sad is it that my first (and second) instincts were to think “I will if he won’t”? I feel really pathetic right now…

    PBS: …though I guess I can always find someone more pathetic than me in the funnies.

    Pluggers don’t seem to know the term “cashback” has been making inroads for years now.

    RMMD: Panel 3 is YAGTb material – Yet Another Gift To bats :[

    Slylock: a giant moon, distorted tree, unclear vague structure of some sort, and a big animal in front of it all; Noelle Jordan is all ready to take over illustrating Mark Trail. Heck, as a ten-year-old she could write it too and it’d still be an improvement.

  135. kalki
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    133. Thank you, sir, can I have another?

  136. Little Guy
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    130, JP: You mean, “To the FapMobile!”?

    133: “I’ll @131 you, Missy!!!!”

  137. UncleJeff
    June 5th, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    More fun from our friends at Tribune Media Services:
    Dick Tracy: OK. Anybody interested in moving One-Eyed Jack’s dead body from the casino floor? Hmm. Thought not. Oh well, bring back the customers!
    Annie: We turn from an exciting episode with Annie running from the law in the company of two butch girl thrill-seekers only to go to Oliver Warbuck’s headquarters in Mexico where he is talking with the American government about a bailout. WTF?
    Gil Thorp: “And by ‘we’, we mean ‘you.’ Gil apparently knew my old high school football coach. I see he and the earring-wearing coach have the cooler set up. Looks like a long afternoon, boys.

    And, of course, “Love Is”: Hey Josh, how about a weekend “fill in the bubble” contest for Little Naked Girl?

  138. Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
    June 5th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    69×2 = 138!!

  139. Little Guy
    June 5th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    MT: After cautioning Andy not to get too near the garbage the first time, he decides to go and rub off the drum itself. Yep, Mark Trail has entered the Funkyverse.

    Candorville: Waiting for the Babylon 5 allusions to Clark/Cheney. C’mon, Darrin.

  140. NotThatGuy
    June 5th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Of course Mark didn’t see anything written on the barrel when he was standing right in front of it, Mark’s just reading the brand name of the magnifier etched on the edge of the lens. “I’ve found the culprit: Bausch and his partner Lomb!”

  141. Niall
    June 5th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    110. mollificent: *BIG grin* Oh, thank you, I needed that. (And the mental image is not hurting at allll… *ahem*)

    111. Deena in OR: …okay, now you have me imagining giving millificent good chocolate for a while and having her… dance… this image may perk me up through the rest of the workday. *giggle*

    112. True Fable: If you know nice women who agree with this stament, please send them to visit Ottawa. In the summer. (The warm weather helps. ;))

  142. Sequitur
    June 5th, 2009 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    C’shaft – Where’d she get the cigarettes? She’s an invalid and can’t get out. Can you buy these by mail order?

    I think I know. ‘Shaft got them for her thinking, “She wants cigs? That’s great. We’ll get rid of her sooner and I don’t have to smell the smoke since I live in the garage apartment. Heh, heh, heh.”

  143. queek
    June 5th, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Lio is full of awwwwwwwwww and win today.

    LaCuc: It’s waterboard and torture time! where ya at? where ya at?

    MC: awwwwww. (I just thought of something. Norm needs a geeky gal to date, maybe he could take Aria off of Ted’s (dainty) hands?)

    PBS: saw that coming in panel 1. still chuckled.

    Candorville: I’ve been amused by this week’s strips.

    SpeedBump: I lol’d.

    Love Is. . . .blonde?

    ok, what is Jane’s World, and where can I get more than the last 3 strips? yowzers!

  144. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    June 5th, 2009 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Sometimes I will go off the reservation replete with the usual MTs, MWs, GTs, JPs, etc. and check out a comic that doesn’t get a lot of comment here. Today’s (6/5) experiment was Grin and Bear It (GABI?). Does anyone read this regularly? Can you tell me, besides not being funny, was this:
    A. a stereotype-enforcing comment on old ladies?
    B. a political comment suffering from too much lead time?
    C. unspeakable filth?
    Thank you. Now back to your regular programming.

  145. kkarenb
    June 5th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Cory will break the band box while he is cleaning it.

  146. gnome de blog
    June 5th, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    If there’s anything that curdles the blood more than Mary Worth saying, “I’ll see you soon, Delilah dear!” it’s Abbey Spencer growling, “I’m on my way!”

  147. Lael
    June 5th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Is there anyone who thinks the 3rd’s Shoe is a repeat?

  148. Bootsy
    June 5th, 2009 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Niall at # 134 sez:

    It’s Friday, and the swelling is just starting to go down, thank goodness

    Unspeakable filth!

  149. bats :[
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    148. Bootsy: true dat.
    I thought it might be in regard to those cautions one hears on television, “…lasting more than four hours, consult a physician.”, but I attempted to say nothing.
    Since you brought it up (ahem)…

    (I <3 you, Niall…you know that!)

  150. Mibbitmaker
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    MC: In case anyone was wondering what happened to The Interupter since Conan went to the Tonight Show, this strip should answer that question.

    MW:When Mary’s acting gets this bad: “I only wish it were under BETTER CIRCUMSTANCES!”, she’s clearly lying. She LOVES that things are this way. Meddle-o-ramma!

    666CL: As Brooke gets lost in the Great Pretension Dictionary (there really should be one of those), we see that MeanGod knows her pregnancy instinctively, meaning that he isn’t just some loony. RealGod help us all!

    BBlues: A punk poink.

    DT: Zippy the Pinhead says, “Letting players win and then robbing them! Letting players win and then robbing them! Letting players win and then robbing them! Letting players win and then robbing them!!…” Zippy, by the way, is the real writer of Dick Tracy these days.

    Garfield: That’s what she said.

    GT: A giant woman punches one of the girls in the chin while pointing upward. And I thought product container swimwear was bizarre!

    Ghost-Who-Pranks: Phantom’s just being a big, stripey-assed jerk.

    SFx: Drawing lesson #2.

  151. mollificent
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    #141 Niall: Always glad to help. ;)

    (Though in all honesty, the dance reference was a sort of in-joke based on a Facebook conversation. And no, I’m not going to share…it was embarrassing enough the first time. *grin*)

    Comics:

    Curtis: This makes me a little sad. Curtis had good intentions to let his teacher know the truth, and it’s just going to make her hate him more. (Though his scheme to get her the info was pretty ill-conceived). Status quo, here we come. *sigh*

    Bizarro: Oooooh, someone’s going to get letters…

    GT, panel 2: Scha-wing!!!!

    Hi & Lois: This would’ve been funnier if I hadn’t recently spent about half an hour searching for the damn fusebox on my car (the dashboard one, not the engine compartment one). I know where it’s supposed to be, and it’s NOT THERE!! Stupid useless manual.

    JP: I hope this isn’t going to turn into “Rocky Ledge goes to the cheerleader tryouts and wows everyone on Sophie’s behalf”. Please…I’m not asking for realism, just, well…not TOTAL teenage girl fantasy fulfillment. (Though fantasy fulfillment is kind of what this strip is all about for some…:))

    RMMD: Boy, Guido went from Mr. Congeniality to Mr. Sociopathy in the blink of an eye, didn’t he?

  152. Uncle Lumpy
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    #144 URF –

    Grin and Bear It is covered here infrequently, and indirectly in Josh’s column, Grin and Bear IT.

  153. Mibbitmaker
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    #150 (me): Re: 666CL: I know Brooke is the cartoonist and not the ex-nun (It read like I didn’t)

  154. Poteet
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — Yes, do find Willy’s mama, and find her alive and well and able to take Willy far away. Because those views of him in the first two panels are a ghastly reminder of what’s ahead if he becomes part of the Morgan family. One freakish-looking child is enough. The first panel is a reminder of that as well.

  155. Niall
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    148. Bootsy: AUGH! I forgot a word! Foot swelling, foot swelling!!

    149. bats :[ : I know you do, and I was quite fair game, leaving me wide open like that. :) :)

    (it’s way too easy to continue in this vein)

    151 mollificent: Colour me curious now. But I don’t have Facebook, so in the dark I shall remain.

  156. Winky's Spleen
    June 5th, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Ritzy Fritz $144 – It’s not funny, but it is a head-scratcher. I’m inclined to go with B); Grin and Suck it does seem to have an agenda from what I’ve seen, and this would be consistent with it.

  157. Baron Bizarre
    June 5th, 2009 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Six Chix: Is it me, or does the bride look as though she just escaped from Mothra?

  158. CanuckDownSouth
    June 5th, 2009 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    C-Shaft Hey, the lady’s got a point.* Just get her to keep her window open so the smoke is negligeable around you.

    * = for the same reason that it’s seriously proposed that any human mission to Mars should use astronauts pushing 50 – they’ll die of old age before cancer from the excess radiation [while can't be *fully* shielded out]

    #134-Niall: The coach says (in my opinion, the new rule) is useless; the reporter, using only the part voiced, interprets it as the coach admitting that his opinion is useless and says that sure, but they want to hear it anyhow.

    I am desperately hoping for a cancer storyline from Mark Trail’s fingernail-scratching at toxic waste barrels. Oooh … could it be that mercury compound which had one drop go through a rubber glove and kill a researcher years ago? Pretty please?

  159. Niall
    June 5th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    #158. CanuckDownSouth: Ohhh, it’s that hoary old joke used in BC. Yikes, it’s so badly set-up and delivered that I didn’t recognise it at all. A shame, Mason has done much better.

  160. thurston unger
    June 5th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Clearly a FW crossover in the works, kids, because we all know that smoking causes cancer and if there’s one thing FW is all about, it’s all about the Big C. So if the introduction of smoking to THIS strip begins a welcome procession of characters departing their two dimensional coil, then I’m all for it. I’d also like to see Big Tobacco develop a Louisville Slugger sized cigarette for ol’ Ed, too, just to kind of move the thing along, as long as I’m wishing.

  161. Trogdor
    June 5th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorpe: Take a dozen girls, a missing swimsuit, some caffeine, and presto – it’s a soft-drink-carton bikini. And by “caffeine” I assume they meant “pure grain alcohol.” Now it makes perfect sense.

  162. Dagger
    June 5th, 2009 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail’s one weakness: barrels! Someone get Donkey Kong to Lost Forest, post haste.

  163. Poteet
    June 5th, 2009 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft — Many non-smoking people dislike the smell of cigarette smoke. Some loathe it. So Rose may be getting a twofer here. She gets to try something new, and if her family falls into the “loathes smoke” category (and if she also loathes her family, which would make a lot of sense, from what I’ve seen of them), she also gets to entertain herself by making them suffer. Har!

  164. Selesen
    June 6th, 2009 at 5:46 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp — I’m fairly sure the actual “shame” the cardboard bikini picture would inflict on Molly is the revelation that she and all her friends are higher than a kite, and not on caffeine. Really, how else would you make the leap from “Our friend has nothing to wear in the water” to “Let’s make her a cardboard bikini!!!”

  165. prospero
    June 7th, 2009 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Has it occurred to anybody that Gil is goofing on Michael Phelps? Personally, I was just amazed that college students can afford pot these days. And the tall gal is a babe, so disintegrating cardboard would be a good thing, right?

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