The Comics Curmudgeon

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At least he doesn’t have a car to get towed

Spider-Man, 7/2/09

After a few terrifying and disorienting days in which super-powered characters were locked in something resembling combat, Spider-Man has returned to its more reassuringly typical fare of whining and overblown anxiety. Like many a disappointed visitor, Wolverine is discovering that there are literally only two entertainment options in New York: feeding pigeons or seeing plays featuring the stars of direct-to-DVD superheroine films.

Meanwhile, Spidey is worried about Wolverine discovering that he’s married to Mary Jane for reasons that he can’t even bring himself to speak aloud as he web-slings his way aimlessly through Manhattan. Honest question, from someone less conversant in the superhero genre than you might think: do superheroes need to hide their secret identities even from … each other? I mean, did Superman and Batman hang around the Justice League and Batman would say, “You know what really bugs me? The liberal media! Like, have you read that Clark Kent guy? He’s so obviously biased!” and then Superman would say “Well, what about that jerk Bruce Wayne? Inherited all that money and is he doing anything worthwhile with it? He’s probably putting most of it into overseas tax dodges!” That all just seems awkward.

On the other hand, Spidey may just be worried that Wolverine will figure things out, and after seeing MJ’s latest wooden, unlikable performance, think, “Geez, Spider-Man married that no-talent hack? I think so much less of him now!” Don’t worry, Spidey: he can’t possibly think any less of you than he already does.

Apartment 3-G, 7/2/09

OK, Nora, we know it’s a woman’s prerogative to tweak her both the style and color of her hair on a whim, and normally I’d say that I like what those highlights are doing for you. But look, hair is literally the only way we have to tell Apartment 3-G characters apart, and so when a single character goes from a Marilyn Quayle flip to something short and spunky to this shaggy number with bangs here, it makes it hard for us readers to get our grip. Please, the men are already a lost cause; don’t encourage the women to become wholly unrecognizable as well!

Crankshaft, 7/2/09

Aww, did someone’s editor finally get a complaint from the syndicate’s legal department about his main character’s pyromaniacal tendencies? I think that, rather than annoy us with this pissy, passive-aggressive caption, the strip should have taught us a valuable lesson by showing us the consequences of violence, particularly if those consequences include the horrible, hateful Crankshaft being blinded, or at least losing a hand.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 2, 2009 at 10:01 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Crankshaft, Spider-Man.

215 responses to “At least he doesn’t have a car to get towed”

Dingo
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

I’m not up on Scientology but Mary’s guest needs to “clear” her life? The best part is, when I first read that sentence I missed the “be” in it. Thought it read “The sooner I can get clear with my own life, the sooner I can fully present with him.” and, Lord knows, the picture I got in my head required brain bleach.
Metz77
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Actually, as a matter of fact, in the Silver Age Justice League comics, they did hide their identities from one another, and if one of them accidentally discovered the identity of another, they submitted to a mindwipe from Green Lantern.

Other than “it was the Silver Age, it probably made sense at the time”, I’m not sure why this was so.
zenvelo
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

meanwhile, Funky Winkerbean is having a heart attack because one of his players finally got a hit.
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

Didn’t Spider-Man have a re-boot where he was not married to MJ?

Or have I been sleeping for that long?
zenvelo
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:10 am [Reply]

The Apartment 3G story line is more confusing than usual – my read is that Eric Mills is about to become a zombie. Nora’s husband apparently went to a Chinese “prison” and joined the living dead.
150
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

I seem to recall some tension early in Ultimate Spidey about whether or not he let the X-Men know his real identity. But look, that is off the topic: Wolverine is going to watch a Broadway show instead of getting plastered in Hell’s Kitchen and clawing up some gang members. Note to Spider-Man writers: He’s not actually Hugh Jackman.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

@4: They unbooted the reboot.
Chyron HR
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:16 am [Reply]

#4 Anonymous – In the comic strip continuity that was an imaginary story, dreamt by Spider-Man after falling asleep while watching America’s Next Top Model. It never really happened.

(Completing the quote – “None of these things ever really happened.” “Get out of my store.”)
Naked Bunny with a Whip
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

Quite frankly, given the frequency that superheroes fight villains with super senses, telepathy, body-swapping abilities, or magic scrying pools, it’s amazing they have secret identities left to protect.

How often do villains have secret identities, anyway?
tb4000
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:21 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: And here we have the off-screen death of Crankshaft. Though this is actually fairly tame territory for Batiuk.

S-M: Batman AND Wolverine are somewhat of the same status, meaning writers tend to turn them into invincible god-like characters who know everything about everyone. Wolverine probably already knows Parker is Spidey, he’s just fucking with him.
Lou Shumaker
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

That wasn’t the firecracker going off. It was just one of Cranky’s bouts of explosive diarrhea, and the syndicate said Marvin holds the monopoly on those jokes so the artist had to make a last-minute sub.
Darkefang
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

“Honest question, from someone less conversant in the superhero genre than you might think: do superheroes need to hide their secret identities even from … each other?”

It really depends on the superhero. There are generally quite a few people that know the real identifies of most of them, but Spider-Man was always good at keeping his secret. Even when he was on the Avengers he managed to keep it secret. That’s why it was such a coup for Tony Stark to get Spidey to unmask himself on national TV as part of the superhero registration movement.

#4 anonymous –

In the comic book, Peter and Mary Jane are no longer married. The comic strip did the same, but I guess they got too many letters written on Blickensderfer 5s and papyrus scrolls, so they reversed it a few weeks ago, claiming it was just a bad dream. Unfortunately, readers of the comic book still have to suffer through that idiocy.
Friend Record
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

I think the writer of Crankshaft is going all ‘John Darling‘ on us, and Ed was assassinated off panel in today’s strip by an angry mailbox owner. You heard it here first.
NoahSnark
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Traveling aimlessly through the Manhattan! Feeding pigeons in the park! Spider-Man distills super hero action down into a form that can be enjoyed by all the members of AARP.
commodorejohn
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

A3G – Should I be feeling bad for laughing at this?

AS – Have you noticed, the dog-women, they cannot drive?

BrS – Man, time has not been kind to Peter Lorre.

Crankshaft – Ooh, I hope Batiuk starts doing this in other applicable strips. “Hey kids, it’s illegal to have sex with your teenage daughter and highly socially unacceptable to let on that you want to, so don’t mimic a cartoon character’s creeping leering, even if he’s portrayed as the hero! Sorry if we just insulted your basic human decency.”

DT – NECKS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY.

F- – Tackling a potentially amusing joke in the most flat and un-jokelike way possible? I thought that was The Argyle Sweater’s job.

FC – Bodily harm to Jeffy never fails to make me laugh, especially when he looks not so much pained as depressed. “Jesus, I injured myself. Again. I hope you people are happy, because I’m going to be a giant mass of scar tissue and bone bruises in another few years. Are you laughing at me yet? I know you’re laughing at me. Oh God, you’re laughing.”

FW – Well, judging by Bull’s expression, I’d say that the baseball tore a hole clean through her abdomen. I wonder what kind of awards Batiuk will win for that?

GA – Who the hell puts this much security on a goddamn parsonage? What, do they have roving bands of militant atheists in Gasoline Alley?

HTH – Existential quandaries lead to chronic alchoholism. Ha ha!

JP – To borrow a line from the illustrious Tom Servo, “that’s 40 pounds of butt in 30-pound butt-capacity pants.”

MT – Man, those are some terrible customer-relations skills the dumpers have.

MW – You know, Mary’s hair kind of reminds me of a mushroom; how else am I supposed to interpret the radial lines around her face if not as gills?

MC – Man, when Ashley and Violet are concerned for your well-being, you know you’re in trouble. Also, let’s pray this goes better than the other comics-page intervention…

NAOQV – I would pay good money for a phone that automatically blocked calls from numbers that weren’t on my whitelist.

Popeye – So…um, how many years have we spent on this plot, again?

RMMD – Oh, they’re making the jump to light-speed. I hear this car can make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.

SF – I love this strip.

SM – I think Spider-Man and Apartment 3-G coexist in the same fictional New York. I mean, I’m not really that much a fan of urban environments, but seriously, the most exciting thing in the entire city is MJ’s play?
survivor
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

I can think of about 30 daily comics that should always end with the line, “Sorry if we just insulted your intelligence.”
Government Cheese
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

MW: I like Madam Worth’s expression in the second panel “Well here’s too hoping” – she’s either referring to Delilah’s marriage or hoping that her Depends diaper doesn’t fail on her now after reading this article.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33740
Alex
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

The way the guy in A3G switches to the other side of the girl’s shoulder makes me envision him sliding back and forth, dance-like, throughout this entire traumatic conversation.
pccmdoc
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

#13 I like it. Even better if we get to see his mangled corpse tomorrow. If this were Dick Tracy we’d get about a month of strips of his mangled corpse laying there…
Death to the FOOBS!
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

Really? “Kids” are reading ‘Shaft? Huh!
Married Agnostic Woman
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

Ding, dong, Crankshaft is dead…or at least horribly maimed!

Sorry if I just insulted your intelligence.
Deathbysalmon
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

14- Well, obviously anything more thrilling than an octopus sandwich (I still shudder when I think those words) would put the majority of Newspaper Spidey readers in danger of increased heart rate followed by death. Really, these people are just hanging in there.

9CL- It appears that the storyline has shifted from two geezers perving on ex-clergy making out to two geezers perving on ex-clergy skinny dipping and about to fuck in a slimy lake. Did someone mention mind wipes? Metz77, is there a chance that I could get in touch with the Green Lantern?

MW- In an attempt to talk with her hands in order to avoid being a wooden temporary character, Delilah’s left hand appears to be stuck in begging flipper mode.
Islamorada Girl
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

At least Wolverine could take in some museums and galleries.
Maybe see a foreign film? Sample some Ethiopian cuisine on 9th Ave? Get tickets for Letterman? Check the menswear sales at Bloomie’s? Pick up a hooker? Get in a bar fight over the steam table at O’Connells? Visit the Hell’s Angel’s HQ on !st Street? Have a day at the spa? He could really use a facial, a mani-pedi and a trim. Maybe some highlights and some serious waxing?

That shoutout to Hugh Jackman’s Broadway career is so lame.
Islamorada Girl
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

Face it. Both Spidey and Wolverine could use some serious manscaping.
Cranky
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

Every Batuik comic should end “Sorry if we just extinguished your hopes and dreams.”
commodorejohn
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

9CL – One word: deicide.
Muffaroo
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

9CL – Thanks to this strip, I no longer dread the end of the world.

A3G – Tom or Dick or whatever his name is is incredibly bad at picking up his cues. “Did you read about the American citizen held in a Chinese prison?” should have led to a better rejoinder than “Yes! If it’s true, it’s horrible!…” Maybe something like “I hear he was hungry for freedom an hour later!” or perhaps “Actually, ‘Sing Sing’ only sounds Chinese!” would have been preferable.

Maybe we’ll do better with the ‘facts about her husband’s death that she hasn’t told Tom,’ unless we’re leading up to a Mark Trail-type Sunday infodump on the minutiae of rigor mortis at different temperatures.

Archie – From the looks of things, Archie seems to use his calculator as a pillow. Also, I’m a little uncertain as to what shape Betty’s nose is actually supposed to be. I’m wondering if she’s going for a Michael Jackson look.

Cshaft – An overdue apology is still welcome.

Crock – Seriously, I’ve wished that people would do that. Maybe if restaurants had a way to deaden the cell signals, and just offered a couple of booths where their phones would work.

DTracy – Nice to see that Tracy is expanding his post-mortem wit to include prop comedy. Just think what he could do with a whoopee cushion and a giant doorknob! (Also appreciate the shout-out to Viz character Eight Ace.)

FWbean – Coach never saw a hit before.

HtHorrible – “Son, fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.” –Dean Vernon Wormer

H&Jamaal – This is what Bedford Falls would have looked like if Ernie the Cab Driver was secretly replaced by Ernie the Muppet.

Ghost-who’s-at-the-wrong-house – Won’t he be surprised when he turns the light on?

RMMD – Whoa! Becka’s having a “strange interlude” in panel 2!

commodorejohn @26 – Ha! I got big points for using “deicide” in an online pseudo-Scrabble game.
Patrick
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:50 am [Reply]

Thanks to that warning in Crankshaft, I’m not going to spend the 4th of July sitting in a row of lawn chairs, watching my elderly relative set off one firecracker at a time.

Instead, I’m going to send Grampa to a home! Thanks, Crankshaft!
TheDiva
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

C’shaft: I’m not sure if it’s the condescending and unnecessary disclaimer (since unlike, say, Mythbusters, Crankshaft doesn’t make blowing things up look in any way cool or even interesting) or the idea of serious bodily harm coming to the title character, but this is the first time I laughed at this strip in a good long while, if ever.

MW: That’s a lovely arrangement of pink Hostess Snowballs on the table.

Pluggers like their sandwiches to contain the faint aftertaste of salmon eggs and algae.
Little Guy
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

Cranky:“Don’t copy what a cartoon character is doing!”

Good. I almost wanted to lounge around in Central Park on a park bench, contemplating taking in a Broadway Show, or bringing an impromptu throng to a high school cheerleading tryout, but now I know better. Important safety tip. Thanks, Batiuk!

S-M: Anyone else think Wolverine going to a Broadway Show is a nod to Hugh Jackman, or am I giving the strip too much credit?
Kibo
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:03 am [Reply]

And then, in the next panel, Wolverine will get bitten by a radioactive pigeon, gaining the pigeon’s proportionate intelligence… almost as much as a continuity-strip writer!
Tommy
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

Kids reading Crankshaft? Don’t insult my intelligence.
Darkefang
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:06 am [Reply]

A3G: Look, Nora, my name is Alan. Why do you keep calling me Tom? Also, I just noticed that I’ve been shot. Shouldn’t I be in a hospital or something?
KarMann
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

commodorejohn #15: What, do they have roving bands of militant atheists in Gasoline Alley?

Actually, as a matter of fact, I have a part-time gig as a GA extra. They make us buy our own torches and pitchforks, though, the cheapskate bastards.
Mary
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:19 am [Reply]

At first glance I thought Nora said “Mom” & marveled at her mother’s chiseled features.
The Great Kazoo
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

S-M: With Wolverine’s enhanced senses he should be able to tell Spiderman is really Peter Parker by his scent. That is, if Wolverine has ever met Peter. Maybe Spiderman is worried that Wolverine will pick up his scent on MJ.

“Sniff, sniff. Say, that actress smells of TV Guide and anxiety! Maybe she’s married to Spiderman! Sniff, sniff. No wait, that other actress does too. And so does that usher. And the guy in the ticket booth! Man! Spiderman must have the proportional groping ability of a spider!”
Pozzo
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Okay, Wolverine, I’m onto your game. You’re just using the popcorn to lure the pigeons into your range, so that you can impale them on your adamantium claws for a quick ‘n’ tasty lunch (”THHHKKK!”). I mean, I know your tourist budget is probably pretty limited, but how much can a hot dog from one of those friendly street vendors cost, really?
littlefox
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Except … Spiderman already mentioned at the beginning of the arc that he knows Wolverine’s real name is Logan. Hypocritical much?

Some of the X-Men (okay, a LOT of them) don’t seem to care about cultivating their civilian personas. Take Jean Grey, for example: in her later career, her superheroine name was … “Jean Grey.” Very undercover stuff. It seems like most mutants treat their hero names as mere nicknames or call-signs. Did Professor X ever even HAVE another name? Maybe he’s a better example than Jean.

Not to mention that the difference between Wolverine’s personality and Logan’s personality is … oh wait, there isn’t a difference. At least Superman and Batman tried to invent multiple personas so that people wouldn’t figure it out. And since nothing bad ever seems to happen to Logan even though he hasn’t really cultivated a civilian persona, one wonders why Superman even bothers with it …
Aging Hipster
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:30 am [Reply]

#4 Anonymous–

Apparently, the newspaper-comic Spiderman is incredibly responsive to letters from readers. I’m not sure why this has not led to a well orchestrated letter-writing campaign from Comics Curmudgeon readers.

If someone comes up with a direction they would like the daily Spiderman strip to take, I am more than willing to write a letter in support.
Amateur
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:31 am [Reply]

S-M: Feeding pigeons out of Mary Poppins’s bag, apparently. How much seed can fit into one little paper sack, anyway?
UncleJeff
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

Love Is: some cheap “Chocs”, a bottle of discount “champagne” and a “toy” you got from the Doc Johnson catalog.
Rizbon
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

I don’t see why SM is perplexing: nobody wants Hugh Jackman (manscaped or not) anywhere near their wife. Or husband, for that matter.
Uncle Lumpy
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

Hey, A3G rebooted Alan and Haley! Now maybe King Features will pick up that “Aldo survived the crash” story I’ve been pitching.

Well, if they hadn’t stopped answering my letters in 2007, that is.
Uncle Lumpy
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

I know! I’ll reboot the “Uncle Lumpy pitches King Features” story, and it will be as if it never really happened! That’s the ticket!
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

C-Shaft: Just insulted our intelligence? Just now? No no no, you’ve been doing that for at least a decade now.

Marvin: Let me guess. The funk was in yuur diapers, and it’s never really ended.

DT: “Get it? Because he got an ace and and eight. And he’s dead. Boo-ya!”

JP: “You’re right. Let me call in a few Arizona state troopers. From what I remember of the Dixie Julep thing, they can thin out the herd.”

FC: My my, look at those knees. I had no idea Jeffy was an altar boy.

Ziggy: The “Some Days Tom Wilson Can’t Think of a Joke to Save his Life” Bar & Grill.

9CL: The all-seeing, all-knowing Monty sure needs to have a lot explained to him, doesn’t he? Pretty soon he’ll be all, “The man looks funny rubbing the banana under the lady’s tummy. But he’s not holding the banana with his hands. How does he do that?”

Baldo: Let Guiltapalozza begin.
McManx
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

S-Man — Why would Wolverine “sense” that MJ was Spiderman’s wife? Does his “Wolverine Senses” tingle whenever he encounters awkward social situations? Or perhaps it is that tattoo MJ has on her breast that says “Spiders do it with 8 legs”.

Crankshaft — The disclaimer was a bit misdirected. It should have read: “Kids, don’t share your fireworks with your dementia-addled grandparents; their injuries will just be an extra financial burden on your family which most likely will be deducted from your college fund. If this insults your intelligence, it won’t when your working in WalMart as a greeter.”
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

My favorite “Secret Identity” scenario is Rorschach from Watchmen. He could keep his identity safe because he was a nobody in real life. Even after he was unmasked it took the cops a while to figure out who he was. We have this poor soul in Denver who wanders the streets carrying a sign that says “CLINTON IS A RAPIST”. Every time
I see him I think of Rorschach and wonder what kind of crazy-violent masked avenger this guy would turn out to be.
Poteet
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:53 am [Reply]

# 2 Metz77 — Your post made me laugh so hard I spit milk.
Paul1963
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:53 am [Reply]

Marvel superheroes seem to spend a lot less time worrying about secret identities than DC heroes, the main exceptions being Spider-Man, Captain America and Daredevil.
Spidey unmasked during “Civil War” and suffered exactly as big a shitrain as you might expect, not least from J. Jonah Jameson who promptly sued him for fraud after years of Peter Parker selling pictures of himself to the Daily Bugle. But, as has been mentioned here, they got rid of that by having him trade his marriage and, apparently, about six years of his real age, to Mephisto in order to save Aunt May’s life. May, as she’d been depicted in the comics up to that point, would have slapped Peter and Mary Jane’s eyes loose if she’d been aware of this deal, by the way.

Captain America unmasked on TV after killing a terrorist on-camera.

Daredevil’s identity was revealed by a tabloid, resulting in his being disbarred and sent to prison. He later got out, got his law license back and, as Matt Murdock, brushes aside the issue of whether or not he’s actually Daredevil, but when he’s in costume people keep calling him “Murdock” and he no longer raises any objection, so make of that what you will.

Many other Marvel heroes wear costumes with masks even though their identities are public knowledge. Some have even gone through multiple heroic personae, particularly Henry Pym, aka Ant-Man, aka Giant-Man, aka Yellowjacket, aka Doctor Pym, aka the Wasp (yes, he adopted his ex-wife’s codename after she was killed).

As for supervillains, well, I figure once you’ve been arrested, fingerprinted, photographed and done time, your identity is pretty much out there, mask or no.
commodorejohn
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

#34 KarMann – Well, give Slim a savage mauling for me when you see him, wouldja?
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:57 am [Reply]

#27 Muffaroo,

“Did you read about the American citizen held in a Chinese prison?” should have led to a better rejoinder than “Yes! If it’s true, it’s horrible!…” Maybe something like “I hear he was hungry for freedom an hour later!”

Aw man, you made me lose it here.
bats :[
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

42. Rizbon: Hugh Jackman is the George Clooney and the Stupid Sexy Flanders of musical theater.
And I’d take any of them. Well, not Flanders. Stupid Flanders.
Trogdor
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

9CL: Okay, it was mildly unsettling having Monty and Thorax getting out the binoculars to watch Francis and Diane make out. It’s downright creepy to have them watch the happy couple skinny dip. And as I recall, Francis and Diane know they’re being watched. What does that say about this former priest and former nun? If this is how they get their kicks, it’s probably best that they left their vows of chastity way behind.

But I keep worrying that if we follow the way these plotlines seem to work, someone is going to film Diane and Francis and post it on the Internet. You just know that there are people out there waiting for pregnant_nuns_skinnydipping.com!
ar_d
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

Three things that are not right about Wolverine:

1) If Wolverine is slouching on a bench with the upper half of his body, the lower half should be relaxed too. Instead, his legs are crossed in a prim, lady-like fashion

2) Hips don’t work quite like that anyhow. It’s a pet peeve of mine when superhero artists can’t attach a leg to a pelvis the right way.

3) Doesn’t Wolverine get to wear a costume sometimes? At least during battle scenes? This sitting around on a park bench with an ill-fitting sweatshirt makes Wolverine seem like some kind of homeless vet.
anaceofkidneys
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

I nominate today’s Crankshaft for PassiveAggressiveNotes.com.
The Great Kazoo
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

And since nothing bad ever seems to happen to Logan even though he hasn’t really cultivated a civilian persona, one wonders why Superman even bothers with it …

Are you kidding me? Logan has had several metric shit tons of bad things happen to him over his long life. Starting with the gruesome deaths of every woman he’s ever loved. Trouble is, too many people have known his identity for too many years for a secret identity to make much difference at this point. Though come to think of it, he did have a secret identity in Madripoor for a while. But that was just for fun.
These Strange Worlds
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

On secret identities…

Ever notice how you never see Superman and Bruce Wayne together? Makes you WONDER!

There has been a considerable amount of variation in comics concerning sharing secret identities, at least in DC land. At one point, DC just retconned their whole universe to make it that none of the Justice League knew each other’s identities. They even ditched some completed stories (art and everything) that contradicted this. Eventually they went back to the status quo (and the masterpiece “Identity Crisis.”)

Makes sense. When you have x-ray vision or are the world’s greatest detective, your buddy’s identities shouldn’t be that hard to figure out.

I’d come up with something more detailed, but I’m still in deep depression over the souless black eyed demon in today’s Herb and Jamaal. WTF is that all about?!
Bryan
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

There was an episode of the DCAU Justice League where the Leaguers have to live in their civilian identities (something to do with the Thanagarians) and are getting all worried about how they’ll know each other’s secret identities.
Batman gives an exasperated sigh, points at Supes, Wonder Woman, Flash and the Green Lantern and says something like, “Clark Kent, Diana Prince, Wally West and John Stewart. I’m Bruce Wayne. Happy?” How did he know? He’s the goddamned Batman, that’s how!

Then there’s the one where The Flash and Lex Luthor switch bodies and Lex says, “Well at least I’ll know The Flash’s secret idenity!” He rips off the cowl, looks at himself in the mirror and says, “I have no idea who this is.”
Mibbitmaker
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

Comic Strip Disclaimers We’d Like to See
Sorry if I was being presumptuous just now. I was just using MAD gimmickery.

FW: Sorry if we depressed you to the point of suicide.

FB: Please take this as a charming moment. Sorry if we forgot a joke.

S-M: Sorry if we bored the hell out of superhero fans — and readers in general.

A3G: Sorry if you cannot tell our male cast apart.

666CL: Penitent for the actuality of Thorax. fin

DT: Sorry if we insulted your sense of fair play. And hand anatomy.

ReFOOB: Sorry if we overstayed our welcome for the last 9 years.

Crock: Sorry if we insulted your sense of drawing skill (especially if you happen to be an out-of-work cartoonist with skill).

FC: Sorry. (used daily)

HtH: Sorry if time-period gimmick strips like ours got old hat by the time this series even started.

MW: Sorry we cannot apologize for anything, but Mary won’t let us. Really. She’s quite strict. …Okay… [tiny lettering] Sorry about killing Aldo.[/tiny lettering] SLAP! POW! OWWIE!OWWIE!OWWIE!!! Sorry, Mary! I’ll never do that again! Honest!

MT: Sorry about undue word emphasis. What were we thinking?!

Serial strips in general: Sorry for our slow story pacing and (continued tomorrow)

…Snuffy Smith: Sorry that we dumped the much more entertaining Barney Google for this tired gimmick strip existence, and left his name on our title as though he has a damn thing to do this tripe anymore.

BC: Sorry for Grandpa making this strip bland and eventually a mouthpiece for his religious dogma. As you can see, we’ve rectified the situation.

Mutts: Sorry we occasionally use this charming series to push our animal rights propaganda. There are more appropriate places for that. Like on one of the opinion strips.

GA: Sorry for taking up valuable space where new, struggling strips whose creators are still alive should be.

Cul de Sac: Sorry that we have nothing to apologize for.
Bryan
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

58, Strange Worlds: When you have x-ray vision or are the world’s greatest detective, your buddy’s identities shouldn’t be that hard to figure out.

Ooops, I forgot to add: That’s exactly how the Superman/Batman animated movie “World’s Finest” sugars off. Superman looks at Batman with his X-ray vision and Batman attaches a homing device to Superman’s cape and follows him back to his apartment.
Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

A3G: I know this will never win Comment of the Week,. but — what the fuck is going on here? I am lost in the intricate “plot” intricacies. I thought Margo was in India with her father, even though the hotel room looks like they used the same decorator as Motel 6, and the dining room looks like the party room of The Massapequa Park Jewish Center, in which I had my bar mitvah celebration in June 1961.

Why do all the men dye their hair Lemon Cadmium?

Why do I read this strip? Why don’t I get a life?

Are Uncle Lumpy and Josh the same person?

Why do I think Luann is improving, lately?

Why is Michael Jackson’s family borrowing Snow White’s glass-topped casket from the Disney Museum?

Why will I get castigated for that remark?

Don’t ban me, Josh, I apologize to anybody who may be insulted by that remark. Too much Crankshaft, he rubs off.
Hammertime
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

The caption on Crankshaft needs to be readdressed…there are NO kids reading that strip. Or newspapers, for that matter.
migellito
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

re: Mark Trail

Perhaps it’s just that I have no experience with extortion, or whatever this situation might be, but I’m having a hard time making sense of Brother Brill Creem’s exposition.

He owes people money, so to get the money out of him they conspire to do a service for him. How exactly are they benefiting here? Unless they’re startlingly mis-informed and think his toxic waste is some sort of treasure, which, pirate-like, they must hide away in anticipation of copious dividends down the road.

Pegleg Pete’s Waste, Inc. – Toxic Waste Speculation our Specialty!
commodorejohn
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

#57 These Strange Worlds – If this weren’t Herb & Jamaal we were talking about, I’d posit that the little taxi driver…thing is meant as an homage to that style of the early ’80s that showed up in graffiti art and album covers of black-centric music (I’m sounding a bit like H&J myself here, but I really have no idea what it was, other than the imagery;) a lot of heavy lines, bright colors, and carnival caricature-type character design. But that would be not only specific, but so specific as to cause the entire Herb & Jamaal universe to implode, so I guess that can’t be it.
Calico
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

#37 –
Pigeon
Squab
Shishkabob!
Digger
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Hey, kids, don’t play with fireworks. However, if you’re an angry, hate-filled old man, by all means please go ahead.
migellito
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

37 – Pozzo: Wolverine – Pigeon Impaler! Best video game ever.
Mibbitmaker
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

More disclaimers:

A3G: Sorry if you don’t like our mostly superfluous captions and…

H&J: Sorry about stuff.

666CL: Sorry if we offended people who are more chaste than us… like pornographers and flashers…

Love is… Never having to say you’re sorry.
Nekrotzar
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

#9 You’ll notice that while Spiderman often fights villains with a wide variety of superpowers, he never has to go up against villains with such superpowers as being able to put together a basic syllogism, or adding 1+1 and coming up with 2, or opening their eyes and seeing the blindingly obvious in front of their faces.

For good reason, as Spidey wouldn’t stand a chance against someone with the proportional common sense of an average-intelligence human.
SF_Reader
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

MW – Enough already with the bathrobes and the morning breath! Finish your damn breakfast, put on some clothes, and brush your freakin’ teeth!
For crying out loud, you’re making me sick!
Jackuul
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

CrankEXPLOSIONshaft: I don’t think that was the firecracker exploding – I think in his hateful anger of not having at least one thing work, he pulled out a Luger stripped from a dead German more than 60 years ago, and fired at the firecracker, just as he did the young German soldier to get the Luger in the first place.

Upon reliving and relishing this moment to the horror of those around him, he quickly points his firearm at those he sees as failure, intent on fixing what he should have fixed ages ago. Finally this will end when he picks up his next busload of wide eyes drooling mutated miscreants, and executes them all while shouting a line from “There Will Be Blood” Screaming repeatedly as SWAT takes him down in a hail of gunfire “I AM THE THIRD REVELATION” – in his senility, not remembering it was a movie quote, but thinking it was what Moses wanted.

Then there is the silence, the memory strips with fake pictures of better times, and finally a refocusing of the strip on the old woman smoking, not giving a damn about any of it.
Jilliterate
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

58. Bryan says:

Then there’s the one where The Flash and Lex Luthor switch bodies and Lex says, “Well at least I’ll know The Flash’s secret idenity!” He rips off the cowl, looks at himself in the mirror and says, “I have no idea who this is.”

Exactly the moment I was thinking of when everyone started talking about secret identities. The deadpan disappointment in Luthor’s voice, when he realized this was just some red-haired chump with no notoriety at all, was gold.
Rock Ripsnort
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

The line “Sorry if we just insulted your intelligence” is BRILLIANT, should be required boilerplate on pretty much every strip. FC: “Those ‘little Billy helps Daddy draw’ strips are completely fake; sorry if we just insulted your intelligence.” Wizard of Id: “Torturing prisoners continues in the present, and is neither cute nor funny; sorry if we just insulted your intelligence.” Marvin: “Sorry. Just sorry in general.”
Little Guy
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

9CL: Alternate 2nd Panel:

“….taking a dual piss in the local drinking source.”
Mars
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

It’s most likely he’s worried about his identity being blown, even to his good buddy Wolverine (which I guess he doesn’t trust THAT much).

But Wolvie also really likes redheads, and if he sees MJ, he might think she’s single and hit on her, which would make Spidey angry, but then he couldn’t do anything because he’d discover he and Peter were the same dude. I think that’s the situation they’re setting up.
Joe Blevins
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

It’s disconcerting to see the ’shaft referred to as a “cartoon character” — a designation that would put him in the same category as Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny — rather than as a “revenant” or “ghoul.”
Pivitor
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

@ #58 Bryan: “There was an episode of the DCAU Justice League where the Leaguers have to live in their civilian identities (something to do with the Thanagarians) and are getting all worried about how they’ll know each other’s secret identities.
Batman gives an exasperated sigh, points at Supes, Wonder Woman, Flash and the Green Lantern and says something like, “Clark Kent, Diana Prince, Wally West and John Stewart. I’m Bruce Wayne. Happy?” How did he know? He’s the goddamned Batman, that’s how!”

Actually, the only members in the Cartoon League with secret identities in the first place were Superman, Batman, and the Flash. Batman and Superman discovered each other’s secret identities in Superman the Animated series (Superman used X-Ray vision on Bats, and Bats placed a tracer on Superman and followed him back to his apartment), so really Batman only had to use his elite detective skills on the Flash when they first met. Green Lantern’s identity was public knowledge and Wonder Woman, Hawkgirl and Martian Manhunter don’t have secret identities in the cartoon.

In current DC pretty much everybody knows everybody’s secret identity (Though some people are more careful than others. For example, the new Blue Beetle, Jaime Reyes, has only just now started going out-of-costume with the rest of the Teen Titans despite having been on the team for, what, two years?)
Edge
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

But Batman knows that Superman is Clark Kent. Try hiding a secret like that to one of earth’s greatest detectives. And likewise, Supes knows that Bats is really Bruce Wayne
BigTed
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

Something about all this musical-theater talk makes me suspect that Spidey sings that “Defying Gravity” song from Wicked whenever he goes web-slinging above the city. Which will really annoy Wolverine when he figures out that the only song written for a guy full of metal is “If I Only Had a Brain.”
BigTed
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

Er, “If I Only Had a Heart,” I meant. Sheesh.
Madame Incognita
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Batman and Superman have a long history of knowing each other’s secret identities. As in, since 1952, the end of the Golden Age, when Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne had to share a room on an overbooked cruise ship. I’m not sure why the line didn’t give a millionaire playboy his own room and throw some other schlub in with a middle-class reporter, but that’s what happened. Ever since then Batman and Superman have been best friends. Every comic I’ve seen with them together, it’s seemed that they’ve known each other’s secret identities. I don’t know about when the retcon in the 80’s happened, but nowadays they certainly know each other’s secret identities.

However, as to the last thing 38 said about Superman needing to bother with an identity: a lot of heroes “bother” with an identity because they actually had lives before the discovered/gained their powers. Superman was raised as Clark Kent and thinks of himself that way. If someone gave up their identity to hero full time, then almost certainly someone would investigate their secret identity’s disappearance. Plus, everyone needs some time off the job.

Wow. I just took comic books way too seriously, didn’t I?
Steve S
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

That big “FWIP” in panel 2 is the sound of Spider-Man’s last shred of superheroism disappearing. Or maybe just Peter’s last shred of dignity.
Poteet
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

S-M — How does Wolverine get money to live on? Or does he just sleep in back alleys and broil rats over trash fires?
Steve S
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

Gah, way to not close my italics…
BigTed
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

I really don’t think they need to worry about readers endangering themselves by imitating Crankshaft. After all, most of us don’t even have a hand grenade left over from the Korean War.
Steven
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

Red letter day for the universe. Batik apologized for insulting our intelligence. Glory Day is at hand. Now if we can just see about keeping this ball rolling. How about that Sanford guy next. And 0bama. And the guys responsible for Jerry Springer.

This could be big!
Uncle Lumpy
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

migellito –

Overthinking Mark Trail — the Vegas Squirrels force Shiny McBrylcreem to, er, dump his former (responsible, well-groomed) cartage service for their own (irresponsible, hirsute) outfit. Cartage provides cover for their squads of overmuscled, um, facilitators, some potential for money-laundering, and a position of leverage over legitimate businesses.
Hogenmogen
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft has a cautionary tale for kids, but depicted in the strip are three parents with no kids present. The oldest, and presumably the most mature throws a lit stick of dynamite. Due to his crippling arthritis, it only travels about two yards before settling in the grass. More information about idiots and explosives can be found on the internet.

I like this Phantom plot line. I have no idea what is going on, but he walked into some dude’s house, deliberately set off the alarm, and is now kicking the crap out of him because of a vague suspicion. Can you say “badass” without making reference to his speedo fetish?
McManx
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

#88, I like the current Phantom plot as well. But I haven’t gotten Josh, Lumpy or anyone to bite on the Phantom lately, even after the Crocco adventure. The only thing that would make this week’s thrashing better will be when Phantom sics his wolf on the guy as a finale.

Crankshaft — we discounted to possibility that the “blam” was not due to a delayed firecracker explosion. Seeing the dud as a metaphor for his life, Ed slips into the house, puts his WWII service pistol to his head, and … BLAM! Then, much to his chagrin, he discovered he’s missed and hit Keesterman’s mailbox.
Niall
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

At least Crankshaft threw the firecracker in an empty corner of his yard.

Last night people were lighting small fireworks in the middle of the street – filled with pedestrians leaving the park after the fireworks display. We’re talking crammed and unstopping. And someone thought it fun to light explosives which take a few seconds to fire off.

Or fireworks from the middle of a crowd sitting to watch an open air show. After a few flares in successions peaked lower and lower and the last one didn’t even clear the sound tent and arced back down towards the people sitting, still flaring, and probably burned itself out a yard over people’s heads, I not surprisingly didn’t see any more fireworks from that area at least.

Leave them to the professionals, folks. Just spend the time drinking extremely cheap alcohol in too-copious quantities so that you have to relieve yourself outside my window.

(What, me, bitter? Nooooo…)

So yeah, I agree with Josh, let them show us the real consequences of playing with explosives in a stupid manner.
Joe Blevins
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

Finally! Here’s the Wolverine action I’ve been waiting for — feeding pigeons, sitting on a bench, debating whether or not to see a play. Now, if he could just fall asleep while watching CBS, his transformation into a pleasant, even-tempered senior citizen would be complete.
teddytoad
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

Wow, synchronicity! This A3-G moment was brewing months before the story of the American journalists jailed in communist North Korea got big. I suppose topicality in soap comics follows the ol’ “broken clock is right twice a day” rule.
Darkefang
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

#83 Poteet:

“S-M — How does Wolverine get money to live on? Or does he just sleep in back alleys and broil rats over trash fires?”

If I recall correctly, all the X-Men receive a stipend from Professor-X. And when he’s a member of the Avengers, he receives a stipend from Tony Stark. Plus, he gets to live in Avengers mansion or the Xavier School of the Gifted, both of which have fully stocked pantries and bars. That said, he probably does spend more than a few nights sleeping in alleys and broiling rats, just for fun.
Carrie
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

#37, Pozzo — I’ve seen the scabrous diseased flying rats better known as urban pigeons, but I’ve also seen urban street food. It would be a tough decision. At least the pigeons don’t cost money and you know they’re fresh.
Binder's Butter Beans
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

…Batiuk thinks kids read “Crankshaft”?
Milo
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

I’ve always read Crankshaft by pretending Crankshaft is Wolverine two or three hundred years in the future. Everyone he loves is dead but he’s stuck being pretty much immortal, so he figures he might as well just be an ass to everyone who might possibly care about him and avoid all that trouble again.
Danny Lilithborne
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

“Sorry if we just insulted your intelligence”?

Every day you breathe air, you insult my intelligence. :P
Bryan
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

90, Niall: Just spend the time drinking extremely cheap alcohol in too-copious quantities so that you have to relieve yourself outside my window.

Consider it done!
Mr. Nice Guy
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

the strip should have taught us a valuable lesson by showing us the consequences of violence, particularly if those consequences include the horrible, hateful Crankshaft being blinded, or at least losing a hand.

You seem to be unfamiliar with Mr. Batiuk’s work. From this day forward, Crankshaft will be a comic strip about the hilarious antics of a blind, disfigured, one-handed misanthrope.
Crankenstank
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

Ooops! Crankshaft just contracted cancer from the M-80!
LukeBoxHero
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

The opening line to Apartment 3-G sounds like the set up to a really bad, probably racist, one-liner you might find on a Laffy Taffy wrapper. “Hey… did you hear about the American citizen held in a Chinese prison? … Yeah. He was A-rice-ted for gerry-Mandarin! ha HA!”
dale
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

superheroes

How does one define a superhero? The Batman I remember from the comic books of 50 years ago didn’t have any super powers. He is much more like the Phantom and the Lone Ranger than he is like Superman.
commodorejohn
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

#102 dale – I believe the primary requirement is Spandex.
Gal Friday
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

Wolverine: Hey, Spidey has a TV! Maybe we can catch Smackdown tonight.
Poteet
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

# 90 Niall — I sympathize. I still remember standing at attention in marching band at football games and desperately hoping that the little firecrackers being tossed by the fun-loving crowd wouldn’t land near me. To this day, the only fireworks I want to see are professional fireworks waaaaaay off in the distance. A couple of miles away is good.

# 93 Darkefang — Thank you. At this point, it seems he would have been happier staying in the mansion.
Niall
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

105. Poteet: I once stepped on a (small) firecracker as it went off, in a crowd at my sister’s high school after some type of show in May. I’m surprised I’m not traumatised or injured from it, though I couldn’t watch fireworks for a few years. Now I’m okay, and in fact was pretty close to the professional fireworks for Canada Day, being about 200m from where they were launched. But I knew the launching area was safe and devoid of people, and they were professionals doing it high in the air.

We also once fired off small, store-bought fireworks once – on a beach late at night with no one else around and angled towards the water. In other words, sanely and safely, and guess what, we still had tons of enjoyment from them. The few which didn’t go off had a bucket of water or two thrown over them from a distance before being broken in two and the powder put in water for disposal.

Then again, we weren’t drunk.
Bryan
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

102, dale: How does one define a superhero? The Batman I remember from the comic books of 50 years ago didn’t have any super powers. He is much more like the Phantom and the Lone Ranger than he is like Superman.

Batman still doesn’t have superpowers, but one of the critiques of the DCAU Batman (especially the Justice League-era) is that it made Batman almost too awesome. He can go toe-to-toe with Darkseid and come out with his molecules intact, for example. It’s a valid criticism, but I still like those shows a lot and the producers readily admit that they only did it because they love Batman, so I’m willing to give them a pass.
Islamorada Girl
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

83 : Poteet: I’m guessing Wolverine is a sucessful blackmailer.
Not just any blackmailer, but the kind who ends up as a corpse on the library floor at Bucktooth Manor in an Agatha Christie mystery. It’s just a matter of time.
Violet
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

I’m really starting to question Mary’s feng shui. Here she has this great big alcove, empty of anything but an inexplicable podium, which could easily be moved, magically transformed into a potted fern, or simply “disappeared,” and she elects to wedge her dining table so tightly between two bureaux that I assume they’ll have to crawl over the table to get out. Don’t get me wrong; I’m no stickler. I accept the levitating coffee cups and the fact that the dresser behind Mary turns into a window in the next frame as a matter of course.
gnome de blog
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

Now that all the principals are in place, it’s a good time to cut back to Judge “Randy” Parker, the evil swindler, the old guy who wants to kill him, and April Showers, or whatever her name is.
Jnoble
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: YES!! YES!!! ol’ Cranky finally took his own life via a handgun right smack in his own front lawn!! Funeral hilarity will ensue the rest of this week into next.
AirForbes
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

Looks like the ’Shaft has been fragged. Crossing my fingers here, anyway.
bats :[
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

Remember the cover of the PSA comic “Rex Morgan Talks to You About Your Unborn Child” that was posted here a couple of weeks ago?
Here’s a link to the entire comic:
http://www.mahshelf.com/book/EukYEPwwzw
It’s Rex Morgan at his physicianing best!
wagmore barkless
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

Hey kids! Don’t copy what you see a cartoon character doing. For example, don’t go out to buy a new memory card just because the one in your camera is full. Don’t decide you need to try out for cheerleader just because you have good grades and braided your hair strangely. Don’t pretend to be visiting India when everyone can tell you’re just at a generic Days Inn in North Bergen. And above all, don’t move in with Mary Worth!
Corkey
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

I didn’t think they could do it. I thought “Sure, Spiderman’s capable of making everything cool about Spiderman lame, but surely not even they can make Wolverine, the immortal killer with deadly claws, prone to violent rages, utterly and completely harmless.” Then I saw him feed birds in the park and consider taking in a matinee. They managed to turn one of the most famously brutal warriors in all of comics into a visiting aunt. I’m…I’m honestly kind of impressed.

Imagine what they could do with other characters. Rorschach from Watchmen searches for a decent breakfast place! The 300 warriors wait in line for Shakespeare in the Park tickets! The guy from No Country For Old Men decides to see if Wicked is worth all the fuss!
Gabe
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

And yes, Wolverine does know Spidey’s identity in the comics. Wolvie was in a crowd in Germany (IIRC) and smelled Spidey, and tracked the scent to this dude taking photographs of some event.
Poteet
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

# 115 Corkey — Hey, wait a minute. I’ve been a visiting aunt on several occasions, and I was way more interesting (and arguably more dangerous) than Wolverine on his park bench. Not that that’s saying much, of course.
commodorejohn
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

#115 Corkey – Cable goes shoe-shopping to find something that will fit his tiny, tiny feet.
Islamorada Girl
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

Wolverine could also do some Pilate’s to get rid of those thunder thighs. Mom jeans are not a good look for him.
AirForbes
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

Not only did they make Wolverine harmless, they actually made him boring. Wolverine! At least I can pretend I’m looking at Hugh Jackman.
Jamus The Bartender
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

On the secret identity thing.
Well, it all depends. Let’s start with some history.
Okay, the first incidents of superheroes meeting up in a social setting would have to be All Star Comics #3, the inaugural meeting of the Justice Society Of America. They basically sat around and told stories. And told each other their secret IDs. Because they trusted each other. Life was like that in the forties. Really. Should be noted that the JSA was basically a framing sequence for an anthology of superhero stories. At first. With subsequent issues, there was a thread in the individual stories. Roy Thomas could go on for hours. And does.
Jump to the fifties. Due to page shrinking costs, Superman and Batman team up regularly for the first time in Worlds Finest Comics. There are differing accounts of the first meetings between Kent and Wayne, but it often involves them being stuck in the same berth on a cruise ship far out at sea, where they have to undress in front of one another.
While that’s stewing in everyone’s minds, we go to the sixties, and the first meeting of the Justice League. In these cold war years, the IDs of individual heroes were unknown to each other due to reasons of security. Same thing with the Avengers over at Marvel. Don’t want Mister Red finding out who Captain America really is because Wasp can’t keep quiet over the phone. Gradually, restrictions loosened in-story so more and more heroes know each other’s IDs. Sort of like the freemasons. As a matter of fact, one of the ceremonies for membership into the Justice League involves swearing an oath over the mask, cloak and hat of the Crimson Avenger, DCs first masked hero. Cool, huh?
By the eighties, things got tight again, especially considering Batman, who after Frank Miller’s Dark Knight didn’t trust ANYBODY, and John Byrne was running things over at Superman, so, basically, same deal. Other titles, other heroes…depends on the writer.
Now, in this post 9/11 era, the final word on superheroes and their secret identities has to be Identity Crisis, in which a character named Sue Dibny, wife of Elongated Man, was killed , and the six part story shows the reactions of the other heroes, how they relate to their families, how they go absolutley ape shit, and other scary things.
Spider Man and Wolverine. Well, Peter has always been kind of secretive because he doesn’t want to find Aunt May and MJ sleeping in a pool of their own blood, and as far as Wolverine goes, well, one makes a lot of enemies in 150 years. Best to keep boundaries.
Hope that clears things up.
Jamus The Bartender
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

38. Cuuzz, Superman doesn’t wanna find Lois or his mom face down in a pool of their own blood. That’s why.
Good to see you again, littlefox :)
buckyswife
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

117 Poteet: I’m with you. My sisters and I have taken our nieces to NYC for high-school graduation gifts, and we certainly weren’t at loose ends and bored (or boring) enough to sit on a park bench with the pigeons. I don’t know much about Wolverine, but geez—isn’t he resourceful enough to figure out what to do with himself in New York City? And why did he come there in the first place anyway? Wolverine: cursed with the relative ennui of a …. wolverine?
Muffaroo
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

littlefox @38 – He’s always been Professor Charles Xavier. And no, I’m not ashamed of knowing that.

Poteet @105 – I mostly got to see fireworks at Christmas, when we would be at my grandfather’s ranch, which had plenty of room for things like setting small fires without them even being noticed. One year I lit a Black Cat with an unexpectedly fast fuse, and it went off in my hand. I knew better than to react in any way, because I’d never get to handle so much as a wet sparkler ever again. The real exciting year was when my cousins (who always got better and more dangerous stuff than I did — they were always injuring themselves doing things like mumbley-peg, and yet people gave them lawn darts!!) had a large box of assorted explosive devices, and one of them managed to shoot a bottle rocket right into the box. It was a gift that kept right on giving.
Muffaroo
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

Jamus @121 – The only issue of Wizard that I ever read had a great letter from a reader about Ace the Bat-Hound, wondering why Ace wore a mask. Was it to protect his identity? From who? Other dogs? But don’t dogs sniff butts to recognize each other? So wouldn’t it have been more logical for Ace to wear a little mask under his tail?

Sadly, I even know the answer to this one. Ace was somebody else’s dog, and had some really recognizeable mark on his face. Probably a goddamn Bat-signal or something. So they had to put a mask on him.

Ever see the Halloween ep of the Simpsons where the French get ticked off and nuke the USA? We see Jeff Albertson (aka Comic Book Guy) trudging down the street, talking to a comic book in his hand. “But Aquaman! You can’t marry that woman! She’s an air-breather! You’re from two different worlds!” He looks up as the shadow of a missile covers him, and has just enough time to say, “Oh, I’ve wasted my life.”

Since he already said it, I’m done for now.
KarMann
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Baldo take 2: Now that Batiuk’s taken over writing for Baldo, I expect to see Masko Deathirez show up for Baldo’s father any time now.
Muffaroo
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

me @124 – And when I say “people gave them lawn darts,” I really mean their absentee Dad sent them these lavish bundles of presents, which they used in various ways to injure themselves with.

me @125 – I was told, years ago, of a DC comic where a shark actually had a thought balloon. It said, “food… food… food… Hi, Aquaman… food… food…”
Jamus The Bartender
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

83. Wolverine’s been alive for around 150 years, Poteet. That’s a lot of black-ops missions. A lot of dirty deeds done dirt cheap. A lot of money through swiss bank accounts. A lot of Yakuza yen. A lot of action figure royalties :)
Carly
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

I remember Spidey in some of the early comics hiding his identity from the Fantastic Four. Although I also remember that Spider-Man and the FF had a rather strange relationship that consisted of fighting an awful lot for people who are supposed to be on the same side.

Wolverine appears to have a bottomless birdseed bag. Seriously, there’s a lot more pouring out there than should be natural.
Jamus The Bartender
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

125. I remember that story, Muffaroo. I read it when I was seven or eight and thought it was really cool . I re-read it when I got older and thought, “Why is Robin putting a silk tool bag over a dog’s face, he’s gonna suffocate, and that’s gonna give Social Services more ammo when they take Dick Grayson away from Batman.”
On Aquaman: Yeah, that was when Peter David defined how exactly Aquaman’s aquatic telepathy worked. Some fish you can talk to better than other’s basically. Dolphins are more clever than Edda from 9CL, sharks like to eat and are dumb, and pirhana you can’t say anything to because they’re crazy…hence the hook hand Aquaman had for a long time.
Monty
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

The comments section on 9CL at comics.com has been shut down by McEldowney because he got angry that a guy posted links to some “re-workings” of his recent arcs that has McE took as a personal insult. Also because he didn’t like the “tone” of the comments section.
sugarpie
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

Monty 131 I’m spectacularly non-computer savvy, but it would be worth a couple of Leisure Learning classes to be able to link 9CL to The Comics Curmudgeon. There’s enough tone here to blister his ass well and truly. And while Im at it I’ll link Batiuk’s works too.

There. I’ve now got a project for the summer.
Celeste
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

So I only pay attention to 3G when it’s featured here… but I think my questions are still valid…

Who ARE these people? Where is Margo and why isn’t she hitting someone?

Also, why are the idiots in Crankshaft using fireworks so close to a BBQ and presumably lighter fluid?
commodorejohn
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

#131 Monty – Still have those links? I’d like to see just how pathetically little it takes to get under Brooke’s skin ;D
Monty
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

commodorejohn: The guy is doing both 9CL and Luann (THERE’S a combination). They’re here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/39609580@N06/
Kajjansiblackmamba
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

131. Monty- Awwwwwww, did someone hurt poor widdle Brooke’s feelings?

Good.
commodorejohn
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

#133 Celeste – These people are Nora, the wife of Margo’s globe-trotting boyfriend’s brother, who has been living it up with Bland Identical 3-G Male #1297 here under the assumption that her hubby is dead, when in fact he’s languishing in prison in Tibet. She has been repeatedly shown to be pretty much eager to ~~write him off officially~~ move on, so naturally we are due for some ~~truly ridiculous melodrama~~ fascinating character development as she tries to struggle with the realization that he’s not quite as dead as she would’ve hoped.

Margo, meanwhile, is in India with her semi-estranged father to pick up her boyfriend and presumably negotiate for the return of his imprisoned brother. It may be too much to hope for, but we just might possibly get to see Margo take on the People’s Republic of China herself; I look forward to watching her beat president Hu Jintao over the head with an umbrella. If we’re really, really fortunate, we may also get to see her return to New York just in time to say something hilariously insensitive at the profoundly awkward reunion of Nora and Tim.
commodorejohn
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

#135 Monty – Many thanks! This one’s going in my bookmarks list :D
Pivitor
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

@133 Celeste: “Also, why are the idiots in Crankshaft using fireworks so close to a BBQ and presumably lighter fluid?”

Well, this is in the Funky Winkerbean universe, right? They’d all do anything to feel the sweet release of death.
buckyswife
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

#137 commodorejohn: Thanks. I read A3G, and I still needed the clarification—couldn’t remember if Tim left the prison/hospital or if Eric got the monk out of Tibet and then stayed behind. And then I couldn’t remember why I cared.
Celeste
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

#137 commodorejohn
Thank you! I can only tell the men apart when they have some ridiculous accessory, so this bland/blonde man has been confusing the heck out of me.
commodorejohn
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

#141 Celeste – I hear ya. It’s especially difficult considering that #1297 here looks exactly like Alan Lange, Lu Ann’s druggie boyfriend who got shot a while back.
dyslexic dog
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

#142 — commodorejohn & cetera
So an actor in a small troupe can’t play multiple parts?
commodorejohn
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

#143 dyslexic dog – Actually, if I think about Apartment 3-G as the product of a group like the Pythons, with a large number of roles shared amongst the same actors, it makes a whole lot more sense.
sugarpie
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

131 Monty Thanks! They’re all hilarious and eleventy-hundred times better written than the originals (even if they area a bit limited).

It’s even more fun imagining Brooke stamping his foot like Rumplestiltskin while demanding they be removed.
gts1303
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

Dear Pluggers,

That is not a lunchbox. It’s a tackle box. You should carry neither important papers nor lunch in there. You should carry tackle for fishing. I would think you, of all people, should know this.

Thank you.
Celeste
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

144 commodorejohn – Thinking of it as a Python sketch makes EVERYTHING in 3G make more sense.
MsCynical
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

#115 – The writers may have made Wolverine as dangerous as a visiting aunt, but he’s still waaaay more interesting than Spidey (not that this is hard). And I’m looking forward to the glorious awkwardness when Wolverine decides to see MJ’s play, goes backstage to hit on the redhead (because he can’t help himself), leading an unmasked Pete feeling totally insecure about his manhood (as he should), and then the whole party being crashed by Doc Ock who quite wrongly thinks it’s a lot easier to get adamantium from Wolverine than buy it on the black market. Sadly, this will likely end with Spidey saving Wolvie, but hopefully there will be a lot of ridiculously overwrought thought-ballooning before the anti-climax that is all Spidey-villain fights.
dyslexic dog
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:04 am [Reply]

#147 — Celeste
No-o-o-o-body expects Finger-Quotin’ Margo!
dreadedcandiru2
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:25 am [Reply]

Creepy Creepybean: Bull is in shock because his rec league team won; I’m shocked because nobody got mutilated in the process.

Sally Forth: I’m shocked even more because someone ExecuDroid trusts tells her to pull the rebar out of her asshole.

Canadian Zombie: Fortunately Lynn does us a solid and shows us Elly losing her shit over nothing; that brings things back to normal.
un_malpaso
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:32 am [Reply]

OK, I was just thinking.. what if Apt. 3-G was just as nondescript as Herb & Jamaal? The current strip (already pretty nondescript) would be like this:

“Did you hear about that person from some free country who was kept for a while in some country that isn’t so free?”

“Yes! If it happened, it’s a bad thing. And in that case, I also couldn’t imagine how people who might know or be related to that person might also feel. But, honey, that’s not going to be the case with that guy we mutually know.”

“There are things and/or aspects of that guy’s life that I haven’t told you. Nor will ever tell you, except in extremely obscure allegories.”
bats :[
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:32 am [Reply]

135. Monty: Yow! That fellow’s taking no prisoners!
(Yay!)
TCMann
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:33 am [Reply]

Looking at the link to Nora’s short and spunky hairdo, I noticed that the date of that strip was 1/26/09. That was also the night of the first day of the cruise Rex and June are on. It took over 6 months for this storyline to resolve itself. I dare anyone to name three important plot elements of the last 6 months that. Other than June’s bikini.
AirForbes
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:41 am [Reply]

Waitaminute – Nora was married to Tim, and now her new boyfriend is named Tom? Do Shulock and Bolle think that the fact that all the guys look alike isn’t confusing enough on its own?
True Fable
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Fist o Justice theater Hold the phone! Is that freshly drawn artwork in panel two? It just doesn’t have that cut-and-paste quality from years gone by that the rest of it has.
Meddle House There’s just so much to snark about today, not the least of which being Delilah’s strangely squished head in panel two. But what gets me most is Mary’s Persistent haranguing of the girl. “I realize you are trying to lighten the subject, but I by God say you need to constantly be reminded that you are here to be meddled with! You’re a Valley Girl, right? Then I want to hear some really salacious Valley Girl memories of you and Lawrence! Come on, I don’t have all day! Get to the good stuff and don’t stop because I’ll just keep bitching at you to get back to the subject!”
Children of the Circle Billy diligently worked on his Vacation Bible School project, A Coffin for Jeffy.
Sam Driver, Chick Magnet & Friends Sweaterpuppies, meet Asscheeks.
Margo 3-D Oh my lord, they’ve gone and thrown off a sibling for Luann, the world’s densest woman! This guy is not from South Dakota however. He’s from New York. I know I’ve seen him before, like in yesterday’s panels, and last week’s, and the month before that.
The Amazing Wolverine The thing is, none of these Ph.D’s ever wonder how Peter manages to hang off the sides of buildings to get those shots, and how he manages to ‘just happen to get a lucky shot’ so damn many times.
Aitherion
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:52 am [Reply]

38 littlefox: Except that Logan isn’t his real name.
True Fable
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:55 am [Reply]

I, Platypus Ashley looks concerned. Something is not right here. Ashley should be reveling in this misery. *gasp* Plot twist?!?
Poteet
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:56 am [Reply]

# 106 Niall — Belated Happy Canada Day!

# 119 I-Girl — You are so right.

# 123 buckyswife — As I understand it, real male wolverines command territories of some 240 square miles apiece, and at least one was tracked for 500 miles of travel. I don’t think they feed pigeons.

# 124 Muffaroo — Wow. I would have been the cousin cowering in the basement, er, I mean reading whatever I could find down there.

# 128 Jamus — Really? Interseting. Somehow I would have assumed that anyone who had been alive that long would be more like Doctor Who. Or Dracula.
Poteet
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:56 am [Reply]

# 158 — Yeah, interseting. Right.
DaveyK
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:18 am [Reply]

So when did Mary Worth become a proselytizing tool for the Association of Deeply Misogynist People for the Return of Uppity Women to their Proper Place in Society? Did I miss the press release? Did I miss the plot line where Mary joined the cult?
True Fable
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:27 am [Reply]

#160 DaveyK – Mary Worth IS a proselytizing tool.
Sheila Sternwell
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:45 am [Reply]

The Marilyn Quayle flip is what I always associate Nora with. I used to think the strips with Nora in a short hairdo was when someone confused Nora with Margo’s mom, or maybe Nora was supposed to have gotten a haircut, but now with today’s drawing I’m completely confused. Her face doesn’t even look the same!

How does this even happen? I mean, it seems that since someone else writes the awesome dialogue (no sarcasm) all the artist has to do is make sure the characters are recognizable. How could this happen?

Okay, my post isn’t funny, I’m just completely irritated at the sloppiness here.
Sheila Sternwell
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:46 am [Reply]

And yes I repeated myself, I know. Blame the toothache. I’ve taken all the OTC pills the law will allow and I’m kind of fuzzy headed.
Lael
July 3rd, 2009 at 2:25 am [Reply]

Speaking of poop jokes, see today’s Wizard of ID. The joke is a bird pooping on two of the characters. Haw haw!
Mibbitmaker
July 3rd, 2009 at 2:37 am [Reply]

New:

9CL and DT seem to be having a contest to see which can make the readers’ eyes explode out of pure nauseating terror more. Skinny-dipping Thorax or ultra-close-up of disturbing spade-nose in desperation? One close-up too many, or the true meaning of my “666CL” running joke? I say it’s a tie. (See? I just warned you guys about 9CL. You’re welcome)

A3G, now “and…”-less: Oh, goody, another strip shifting to a storyline nobody cares about.

Archie: panel 1, female extra: “Gee, ain’t this strip stupid, folks?” The rest of the strip is just bad chicken fat. “Starchie” was sooo much better.

FW: Coach knows that, in Batiukland, even a sports victory is no reason to be the slightest bit pleased. Charlie Brown doesn’t know how lucky he is.

GA: Wouldn’t it be better to use a pen? Idiot!

JP: “Okay, boys, get the Sherman tank! We’re gonna crush us some cheerleader moms!” The crowd roars…

OBH: James rode a time machine back to 1968 to help Iron Butterfly name the song “Inna Gadda Da Vida”.

SFx: That horse sure looks happy considering someone had apparently lopped its tail off. (otherwise nice drawing of a horse there)

S-M: “Waitamminit, Parker! These aren’t photos of Spider-man and Wolverine fighting Dr. Octopus — these are photos of Thorax skinny-dipping!” (Peter does exagerated “oh, no!” look to reader) (”He’s a Horse’s Ass” musical sting) (iris out)

The Shape-Shifting Mind of Edison Lee: Last 2 panels: “Okay, on a count of 3, I’ll grow slightly as you shrink!” “Okay, Eddie. 1…2…3!…” “Ta-DAAAA!” Uncanny!
Mibbitmaker
July 3rd, 2009 at 2:43 am [Reply]

#165 (mine), stripped down to its most vital essence:

THORAX is SKINNY-DIPPING!!! Code Red, people!!
Jack Parsons
July 3rd, 2009 at 3:24 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: That’s what we do with old people here in the US instead of putting them on an ice floe.
Jason1981
July 3rd, 2009 at 4:04 am [Reply]

58: Actually in that JLU scene, it was just Flash that was worried about the “secret identity thing”

Flash” I mean, I trust you guys, but ”

Batman points to Supes and Flash “Clark Kent, Wally West, ” then pulls his own mask off “Bruce Wayne”

Flash (who has a “Holy SH**!” look on his face) “……..Show-off.”

(I wonder if the owner of the resturant Bruce and Diana hid in knows Bat’s identity as well, since Bruce wasn’t acting like “Bruce Wayne” )
druidbros
July 3rd, 2009 at 7:26 am [Reply]

MW – (for July 3rd) Delilah wants to take a walk down memory lane with Mary? That means a route going through the Charterstone cemetary so Mary can point out all of her dead friends problems she had to fix.
Pastor Z
July 3rd, 2009 at 7:44 am [Reply]

MW: “You must have some great memories of living in the valley with Lawrence, too! You MUST! I demand it! Oh, and another cup of coffee…”
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 3rd, 2009 at 7:59 am [Reply]

I have to confess: I hate Momma (that is not the “confession” part), except I’ve come to find Francis one of the more convincing antiheroes of the comics page these days. He’s what Spidey could be (a lot more interesting, for one thing) if he ditched the tights and the save-the-world attitude and decided to just settle down and make an artform out of his failure, shamelessness, and lassitude. It might seem incongruous even to compare the two, but one of them generally makes me laugh while the other one consistently makes me want to slap him around and tell him to stop whining all the time.
teenchy
July 3rd, 2009 at 8:09 am [Reply]

How did Conley slip today’s Get Fuzzy past the censors? I’ve never seen a tube sock take on that shape before.
KarMann
July 3rd, 2009 at 8:18 am [Reply]

Mars #75: But Wolvie also really likes redheads, and if he sees MJ, he might think she’s single and hit on her, which would make Spidey angry, but then he couldn’t do anything because he’d discover he and Peter were the same dude.

Sounds like they’re going to be needing some sage advice from Mary Worth soon! Mary, meet Mary….

GA: Why, why, why “ve-hicle”? What’s the rationalization for that?

6C: Look’s like Epstein’s been learning how to bold words from Jack Elrod.
Brick Bradford
July 3rd, 2009 at 8:51 am [Reply]

9CL: I’m going to be sick.

MW: God, Mary. Give. It. A. Rest. Already.

A3G: Gee, I thought Dick York was dead. Wait, he’s in South Dakota with LuAnn. Dead would be better.

Archie: Is Batiuk going to guest write a Very Special Archie arc?

DT: “Nope. No problems here. Just step over the dead guy there”.

MT: “There’s a luger in the top right hand drawer of the desk. You know the honorable thing to do.”
Monkey David
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:10 am [Reply]

Every Crankshaft should have that warning. At least the part apologizing for insulting our intelligence.
Mibbitmaker
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:12 am [Reply]

Repeat Warning:

THORAX is SKINNY-DIPPING!!!

You have been warned!

It’s too late for myself and Mr. Bradford. SAVE YOURSELVES, if you value your breakfast!
Mibbitmaker
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:14 am [Reply]

Thorax warning and Crankshaft warning sold seperately. Void where prohibited by law.
mollificent
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:23 am [Reply]

A3G: Who’s that blonde chick? She looks vaguely familiar.

Blondie: Ouch! Too close to home. (Anyone know how to replace a knocked-off hubcap? ;))

MT: Panel 2 makes me want to hum, “How d’you do, I…see you’ve met my…faithful…HANDYMAN!” for some reason.

MW: “Mary, if you hit me over the head with that baseball bat one more time, I’m going to shove it right up your ass. More coffee, please.”

#131-135: Good grief. Another nail in the coffin of my respect for Brooke. Dude, get a show at MOMA or get the &$^% over yourself. You could bounce rocks off the man’s ego (and oh, how I’d love to test that hypothesis!) Even though I’ve been 9CL/Pibgorn-free for weeks now…I guess I still have lingering issues. ;)

Off to the airport for a much-needed vacation! Yay!
mollificent
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:27 am [Reply]

#178: P.S. I would like to clarify my statement re: Brooke, because I realize it came across as a little “You’re a cartoonist, not a REAL artist”. Ouch!!! Not what I intended! I just mean that Brooke consistently seems to think that he is The Great Misunderstood Artiste, and should be exempt from the sort of parody/scrutiny that is the fate of all his “lesser” peers. My disdain was for his superior attitude, NOT for his medium. Mea culpa!
anonymous
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:30 am [Reply]

RMMD: Looks like the storyline is about to change. I’ll MISS the never-ending cruise to nowhere. Every day for months and months, I’ve seen our favorite nuclear family do and say the same things every single day, forever. June in a swimsuit, Sara hiding Fat Li’l Load, Rex whispering awkward sweet nothings into June’s ear. All on the cruise to nowhere, forever. (At least the old lady dressed in clothes from the 19th century provided a spark of interest.) I’ll miss life on board that ship and I’m gonna have a heck of a time losing my sea legs.
TheDiva
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

C’shaft: What, no grumpy disclaimer about not aiming fireworks at your neighbors?

FW: Having a single good player on a crappy team does not vastly improve the team itself. If it did, the Colorado Rockies would have half a dozen World Series titles by now.

Luann: The context implies that Quill’s a hottie, but I find his FOOBian grimace in panel three to be rather off-putting.

MW: Oh, I can’t wait for next week’s strips: “Look, Mary, there’s that lovely little ice cream shop I used to visit!” “You know who else likes ice cream? Lawrence, that’s who!”
buckyswife
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

MW: When I have relationship problems, I find that the best approach is for someone to constantly remind me that I’m actually quite happy and that I should deny any feelings to the contrary. Yup, nothin’ says “true love” like repression and denial! And nothin’ cultivates that love like incessant nagging. Way to recapture the magic, Mary.

A3G: So this is the Luann plot? Every so often, we check in on SoDak and the appearance of some new Luann family member or old friend. They allude to a past relationship or a family problem. And then…. well, then we go back to an actual narrative (convoluted though it may be).
buckyswife
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:00 am [Reply]

Serious question: In Judge Parker, as the Sophie plot was just beginning, many CCers were jumping for joy at the prospect of Barreto drawing cheerleaders. So, now we have not only cheerleaders, but Abby, and sexpot Godiva, and even an angry herd of MILFs. It should be a perfect storm of Barreto T&A sexiness. But it’s not sexy at all, I think. Okay, I’m a hetero chick, but I can still recognize female sexy—and I’m just not seeing it.

Am I missing something? Maybe some of the hard-core Barreto fans can weigh in.
buckyswife
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:03 am [Reply]

MT: Joey’s right to be panicked—there’s no way he could fight off any mobsters with that tiny, shriveled hand. Geez, could he even hold a hand of cards with that thing? Of course, he WAS the guy in charge of handling the toxic waste…
Mcsmeag
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

7/3

Holy crap, the third-panel face-squashing that traumatized us all in Judge Parker earlier has spread to other comics, namely today’s Dick Tracy. Fortunately, the characters in DT are rarely recognizably human anyway, so I didn’t even notice at first.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

7/3

A3G: “I was right, wasn’t I? You’re my big brother, Bob? No? Somewhere in the ballpark, at least?”

9CL: This may be the point where Francis and Diane decide to just suck it up and raise the cockroach baby.

Garfield: Paws Inc hits rock bottom by stealing gags from Crankshaft,

Blondie: Ah, woman driver jokes never get stale. Well, no staler than they were sixty years ago.

DtM: And here comes George Wilson in a bracing top from the Chandler Bing “No really, I’m a heterosexual” collection.

JP: Remember kids, follow your dreams and you can be anything you want to be. Well you can make pep squad anyway. Provided that one of your parents raises thoroughbreds.

Phantom: I hope Lieutenant Doody here gets his own storyline soon. Maybe one where he avenges the murder of his old handler, Buffalo Bob.

GT: “Behold! The Gil Thorp Zwinky!”

Marvin: “Let’s see, what bodily fluid have we not worked into our comic yet? I’ve got it. Sputum! Now we’ll be here all night if we have to, until we figure out how to get spit jokes into Marvin.”

SFx; I hear ya, Stickman. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

FC: One of Bil’s favorite hobbies is to hand out hammers, wrenches, and power tools to the kids, then set up a hidden camera to capture the hilarious injuries. Next week, Jeffy tangoes with a circular saw.
Muffaroo
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

Crock – It’s funny because they pay them money to do this strip! Laugh with me! HA Ha ha.

GAlley – I will not think about Slim’s noodle. I will not think about Slim’s noodle. I will not think about Slim’s noodle. I will not think about Slim’s noodle. I will not think about Slim’s noodle. I will not think about Slim’s noodle.

GThorp – So… Gil’s Amiga gets LiveJournal?

Hi & Lois – Oh, man, they really socked it to those teenagers with their messy rooms and their model airplanes and college pennants and inner tubes. I’m sure glad I’m old now.

JParker – Small print department: I thought she was asking Abbey if she was the Aryan breeder at first.

Marfield – Don’t look at me, you little diaper filler. I’m not getting sucked into your noisome world of secretions and excretions.

Pluggers – Not to use real name brands! IT IS THE LAW! Are we not Pluggers? Are we not cargo-cult losers?

[Hold to your standards, pluggers, for if you slip, you could end up in the goddamn Dinette Set.]

Mibbitmaker @165 – Interesting thing about the musical “Oh, You Horse’s Ass” motif. It seems to be based on “Here’s a Howd-ye Do” from “The Mikado,” but it also turns up in “Danse Macabre.” Okay, it was interesting to me.

TheDiva @181 – Homerun in the Mary Worth department there.

buckyswife #183 – The only T&A sexyness I’ve been seeing is Godiva’s A. Today it was drawn kind of small (Little A of the Horsey Set), but I had to look closely at the strip anyway, because of the tiny text.

formerly Ben @186 – Beat me to the Garfield comment by one minute.
dreadedcandiru2
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:23 am [Reply]

#157: True Fable — I’d say that that was a definite plot twist; that’s because it seems, at least to me, that Ashley’s previous antics were inspired by a need to deny her feelings for Norm. Now that it’s no longer fun to mess with him, she isn’t doing so.
Thorzul
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

Apartment 3-G-s blatant disregard for the 180 Degree Rule has my head positively spinning. Although I must admit that swooping behind her from shoulder to shoulder is the most effective conversational stance when trying to allay a woman’s fears about Chinese water torture.
littlefox
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:32 am [Reply]

So, the real reason why Wolverine doesn’t bother with a civilian persona is because he has no friends for his villains to threaten? Yeah, I buy that. In fact, you could take that further and say that the reason why none of the X-Men care much about civilian life is that ALL of their friends are superheroes, so it’s like … “hey man, look out for yourself”?

And #122 Jamus: I never left, I just don’t comment much.
Bryan
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:11 am [Reply]

Misused apostrophe in Prickly City today.
commodorejohn
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

#171 One-Eyed Wolfdog – Hear, hear. Momma is kind of ambivalent on which, if any, of its characters is supposed to be the sympathetic one, but if it actually made Francis out to be the hero, I’d actually kind of enjoy it.

Agnes – I got a good laugh out of this one. Has there ever been a better description?

A3G – Meanwhile, back in SOUTH DAKOTA!!!, Luann gets a surprise visit from her ~~father~~ brother who appears to be about twenty years her senior.

Archie – Cammie has other sisters, and at least one of them is interested in watching Betty smear cream all over herself. Exactly what sites has the ALGJU3K been cruising lately, I wonder?

AS – All right, in the interests of fairness and accuracy, I have to note that today’s Argyle Sweater is, in fact, pretty funny.

A.D. – B.C. talks about the elephant in the room: anti-arachnid prejudice. It’s rather clever that thus far we’ve been seeing things from the point of view of the majority, and only now are we getting a look at things through the spiders’ eyes.

FW – Yes, Bull, you won. You, of course, are old enough to realize that this means it’s just a matter of time before Winkerverse karma comes back to bite you in the cancer.

GA – Yeah, yeah, yeah, just get this crap over with.

GT – Oh dear. Gil is uploading videos of Shep to YouTube, isn’t he?

JP – EEEEEE

Luann – No, “frankfurter” says Frankfurt, you dolt. Which is, you know, in Germany. Maybe you could take him out for hamburgers…oh, just make him a damn Rice Krispie treat.

MT – “I know! We’ll call Mark Trail!”

MW – I love the incredibly fake smile Delilah’s got in panel two. “Yeah, I really have some great memories of Charterstone! Great ones. You know, better than good. Really great, yessir…”

MC – This means…she has a heart!

SF – This could be epic.
Mibbitmaker
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:30 am [Reply]

#183 (buckyswife): The sight of any well-drawn sexy woman is, well, sexy (usually). However, with the cheerleaders and their moms being obnoxious bullies, and with the other ladies pushing around an arrogance and inflated sense of entitlement, it takes away alot of sexiness.

Mary Worth is an example; Margo is an exception.

#187 (Muffaroo): I, naturally, got the “He’s a horse’s ass” thing from old animated shorts like Looney Tunes. And only in recent years did I know the “name” of it through the Golden Age Cartoons (GAC) message board. It was originally used in Vaudeville, I believe.

And used quite literally at the end of one of the Snafu shorts (it’s also Snafu’s opening theme music, appropriately enough) (It should be Brooke McSnobperv’s, too!)
John C Fremont
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:31 am [Reply]

#113 bats :[ – Rex spent a lot of time looking like Mark Trail back then, didn’t he? But I’ve learned my lesson; Next time I find out I’m pregnant, I will not get drunk and try to cut off my hand. And that’s a promise!

#178 mollificent – So does that make Joey Riff-Raff or Brad? Wait, I’m confused.

#183 buckyswife – Barreto’s just pacing himself prior to the almost-here “underage girls in cheerleading outfits” scene. I’m pretty sure at that point, he’ll be adding his signature, uh, touch to Abbey, Godiva and the Herd o’ MILFs. (Not to be confused with A Flock of Seagulls.)

#187 Muffaroo – Are you thinking about Slim’s noodle?

A3G – Roy looks absolutely nothing like any of the other guys from this strip. Notice the unruly curl of hair on his forehead. Nope, nothing Mageeish or Millsian about this bloke. No way could he just change his hair color and be confused with an inept drug dealer. Fit him with a neckerchief and we’ll still recognize him as Roy.
Roy; A man, a plan, a Cannell. Or something.

MT – As Brak once said, “Is it hot in here, or am I sweatin’?”

Hey, he’s Moist!! I can tell because he makes me want to shower.

9CL – I really need to read the comments before I read the comics so that I can heed the warnings. Crikey!

GT – Next: “New” adventure!

RMMD – “Estelle? She’s swell!
She’s cute, she’s rooty-toot-toot,
I’ll bet she smells like Juicy Fruit…”

SF – “Very greasy. Very, very greasy.”
Mibbitmaker
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

You know what they say about Charterstone: if you have great memories of it, you weren’t there.
Down With OPP
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

“And I’ll tell ya another thing about this burg,” thought Wolverine, shifting uncomfortably on the park bench and crossing his legs in a way no human possibly could, “this whole ‘no using the washroom without a purchase’ policy is freakin’ bullshit. I’ve got to piss like a racehorse if not a wolverine!”
Fashion Police
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

#153, TCMann:

1. Agnes Dunsmore’s lovely dress.
2. June’s spaghetti-strap cocktail dress. It was nice, too.
3. Rex, on a cruise, spending all day in an electric-blue suit, white shirt, and – regrettably – no tie. Where are his standards?
4. (do we get bonus points?) June’s other bikini, which changed colors.
Mibbitmaker
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

Slim’s noodle.
Slim’s noodle.
A slim noodle.
Waitaminnit — that’s a spaghetti strand!

Slim’s brain isn’t even that big. Or long.
Mibbitmaker
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

#197, 198: 2 spaghetti references in a row?? And it’s not even Prince Spaghetti Day!
gnome de blog
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

I can see it now. Mark Trail’s gonna punch out the mafia to save Joey’s sorry ass.
commodorejohn
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

#187 Muffaroo – “So… Gil’s Amiga gets LiveJournal?”
Of course it does!

#188 dreadedcandiru2 – There’s fan-fic fodder if ever I heard it.
Poteet
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

# 171 Wolfdog — Your comment marks the first time I have ever, and I mean ever, considered adding MOMMA to my lineup. I’m desperately trying to fight off the thought.
commodorejohn
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

9CL – DAMN MY CURIOUSITY.
UncleJeff
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

9CL: Thorax looks like a dumpling.
Rex Morgan: Gee, I miss June. Hell, with this lameass story I miss Rex.
FW: Ya gotta admit. That’s an action panel that beats Gil Thorp.
GT: So, is the season done now?
Love Is: Making cheek squeaks on a freshly-waxed church pew. Eeewww.
Poteet
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

A3G — Lu Ann, it’s you! And just as I was about to post my monthly Lu Ann greeting.

You’re still alive! You’re still in South Dakota! You’re still just a very brief interlude to the main storyline, I bet. And I also bet we are never, ever going to see anything even remotely approaching an actual South Dakota prairie, which is the major reason you went out there in the first place..

But don’t worry about any of that, Lu Ann, because your brother is visiting! And doesn’t he just look like an extra from DAWN OF THE DEAD.
Winky's Spleen
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

9CL – Thorax + defrocked priest + defrocked nun threesome? I guess this is how the cockroach baby is to come into being.
Poteet
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

# 153 TCMann — For me, the most important and terrifying moments of the past six months were when it was broadly hinted that Willy might become a cast regular. Nooooooo!! I still won’t rest easy until he has officially vanished.

Yes, it will be painful to watch Rex and June go through another reproductive cycle. But remembering the Willy Close Call will make it easier.
bats :[
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

183. buckyswife: I think Godiva is sexy in a trashy stripper/murderess way. Oh, well, it’s something to look at.

CF: awwww….I think Bucky looks sweet today (well, I like the crunching sock.

And in case you haven’t made your Independence Day plans (or if you’re Canadian and haven’t partied enough yet), here’s your open invitation:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3684915500/
Lolsworth
July 3rd, 2009 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

“…No, actually we’re not sorry. You suck. Everyone sucks. We hate this planet and everyone and everything on it. In fact, go ahead and play with fireworks. I hope every last one of you burns your stupid ugly face off.”
Ista
July 3rd, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

Oh c’mon, he’s afraid Wolverine will find out that his hot new boy-toy is married to a woman. Then he’ll tell Mary Jane. He will then call a press conference to let the world know that he’s gay, and that he’s retiring from super-hero duty because he let down everyone.
Rachel K
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

Listen, if you were comic strip Spider-Man, would you want your friends to know you were even lamer out of the costume? At least this way, they can imagine he must be terribly cool in his secret identity, and has to act like an idiot when he’s a super hero so that no one makes a connection.
nomuse
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

“Direct-to-video superhero movies?”

Err, I know the superhero movies that only have video sales. I’ve seen….clips.
Sterling
July 4th, 2009 at 1:50 am [Reply]

The Spider-Man daily strip has Wolverine, and they have him… Slouching on a park bench… feeding pigeons… debating whether to take in a show. This is not unlike bringing Lawrence Olivier back from the dead just so he can read an episode script from Barney to a drooling two-year old.
BigTed
July 4th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

The dining lessons from today’s “Rex Morgan”: 1. If you enjoy talking and slurping noodles simultaneously, remember to wear vertical stripes in an attempt to keep it camouflaged. 2. But if you’re going to eat soup with chopsticks, you may as well just wear the same wrinkly shirt for the third day in a row. 3. And finally, if you eat in a restaurant where there are never any other customers, it helps to have lots of contacts at your local hospital.
JC and RD
July 31st, 2009 at 6:06 am [Reply]

We just linked to this post in our blog entry http://comicbabble.blogspot.com/2009/07/top-5-marvel-marriages.html. Please let us know if this is a problem and we’ll remove the link. Stay classy!

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