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Metapost: Sheesh! Comments of the week!

Your COTW coming soon, but first: ITEMS! First up we have this stunning cache of Gil Thorp books discovered by faithful reader knittaplease at her local used bookstore:

I am so delighted that one of these volumes is entitled simply Sheesh! that I feel churlish in expressing my wonder that at least three volumes could be filled with Gil Thorp material deemed to qualify as “best.”

Also! I got this charming note from faithful reader Allison!

I thought you might like this Family Circus stuff I found. It’s a book and tape set with the kids singing in English and in French about going to get groceries and flying in the sky with birds. I used to listen to this tape and play my Family Circus computer game all the time when I was a kid but it’s funny how they’re even more entertaining as an adult. The game gave you a tour of their house and explained how washing machines and electronics work, probably very useful for anyone trying to break into the compound.

The Keanes teaching you a foreign, non-English language? Quelle horreur! Allison sent several scans from the book; this one, from a birthday party, is my favorite, because, as she put it, “The parents’ looks of despair are the best.”

And, finally: would you like to buy Ziggy’s munch box? Of course you would! (Thanks to faithful reader Aging Hipster for the tip.)

And now, your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“I didn’t notice Delilah’s all-purple outfit in the prior strip. I wonder if she thinks that’s what ‘matching’ means.” –Carly

And your runners-up! A ton of them this week, but Charley sure seemed to solicit some comedy gold.

“Maybe Delilah will blindly stumble into Charley’s bathroom and become ever more horrified when she’s told what the toilet is for and how it works: ‘What, in the HOUSE? EWW!’” –Ed Dravecky

“So Delilah is horrified at the sight of a nude woman, and horrified at the notion of not having children. She does know where babies come from, doesn’t she?” –Flummoxicated

“Secret twist revealed tomorrow: Del has no idea what he means.” –Dragon of Life

MT: “Mark: ‘He’s no good to them dead.’ Sue: ‘So why didn’t they kill you? Wouldn’t that have solved the whole problem?’ Mark: ‘I … uh …’ *punch!*” –Hogenmogen

“I’ve seen a lot of shocking art in my life, but unless the woman in the photo is shooting boiling oil out of her hoo-hoo, I doubt anyone would be actually scarred. Maybe if the frame had a really sharp edge and you bumped into it.” –Old School Allie Cat

Herb & Jamaal is treading on dangerous waters, today. My first impression of the strip lead to a gay joke, just like every H&J. But then I noticed something: Laurel and Hardy is an awfully contemporary reference.” –zamros

“I’m pretty sure that Charlie has a REALDOLL tied up in Japanese rope bondage. I guess that would creep me out. Then again, in Luann there’s a troll forcing a teenage girl into cosplay.” –DeGroot of All Evil

“The picture on Charley’s wall is a blow-up of an A3G panel from last year, showing Lu Ann working in her art studio. Delilah recoils in horror after seeing Lu Ann’s abysmal flower paintings.” –AhClem

“This is Mary Worth. Everyone is insane in an incredibly square way.” –commodorejohn

“Knowing this strip we’ll have weeks of details of Wally captive in his cave — ‘There were times I pretended to have cancer, just to remind me of home.’” –Professor Fate

“I would prefer to believe instead that the Legionnaire turns away in disgust because he has realized that the sort of man who uses Pick-Up Lines to Get Women to get women is — or soon becomes — the sort of man who will talk about a woman, in her presence, as if she were a fish. He is stepping back from the brink of the abyss of loutishness into which the librarian has plunged.” –Q. Pheevr

“Nah, if Charley were slipping Delilah a roofie, we would have seen him very obviously sneak it out of wherever he kept it, plunk it into the drink, and mix it up, glancing back and forth as he did so at Delilah, who would be looking on obliviously. He would have followed up this particular villainy by rubbing his hands together and cackling with glee, and possibly spontaneously growing a Snidely Whiplash-esque mustache, so he could twirl it.” –Nomstrosity

“Once again, Ms. Buxley’s hopes are dashed. In this case, her hopes of being randomly proposed to by a skeezy guy she’s not dating. Really, though, isn’t that every girl’s dream?” –Evan

“Delilah plans to determine whether the unpleasant discolorations on the couch are semen or blood stains, by testing whether they can be removed with club soda. Depending on the answer, she will then decide whether to stay or leave. Adultery is hard work!” –DaveyK

“And as morals decay, Luann will eventually devolve into a series of plotless panels featuring nude underage girls lounging against one another. Of the men, nothing will remain but Brad’s tuft of hair and T.J.’s disembodied teeth.” –Cranky

“[Charley] shows great responsibility in not wanting to have children, thus assuring that the freakish combination of DNA that makes him look like the love child of Steve Buscemi and the Joker will remain out of the gene pool. Delilah, meanwhile, wants to inflict her strange, putty-like features on future generations. Who’s the real bad guy here?” –TheDiva

“When did Jack Chick start drawing the strip? ‘After we finish these drinks, why don’t we denounce Christ?’” –Dan Traut

“So let me get this straight … now that Mark Trail is in an actual toxic waste dump, there’s absolutely NO giant mutant squirrels to cut to in the 2nd panel?” –lunarhalo

“I’m seriously hoping that tomorrow, Mark Trail will feature a ‘Meanwhile…’ narration box and various scenes of Andy’s competence: Andy tracking the assassin (what do you call a guy who only shoots to wound?), confronting him, and chaining him to a log for the authorities to pick up later; Andy leading the EPA waste-disposal folks to the dump site; Andy directing the backhoe with his paws as it beeps beeps beeps into place to pick up the drums. All this will happen, of course, as Mark walks in the door of the hive-cabin and says to Cherry, ‘Where’s Andy?’” –buckyswife

“I like the range of emotions Del gets to express from one strip to the next, often without any kind of segue to guide the reader through her inner turmoil. First eagerly flirtatious, then horrified, and now cautiously optimistic. With any luck, the coming days will bring us rage, whimsy, despair, and finally avuncularity.” –Dan

“This strip affords us a wonderful opportunity to simply gaze at Mark Trail’s magnificent haircut and greasepaint eyebrows. He makes Superman look like some kind of damned dirty hippie in comparison.” –Joe Blevins

“Would Andy’s helping Mark Trail double the IQ of the team looking for the shooter, or is this one of those multiplication by zero problems?” –NoahSnark

“How does Charley drink? Is there a slot in his chin so that his maniacal smile is not disturbed?” –Dingo

Curtis: I know it’s been said before, but can we skip to the part where he takes a sharpened brooch pin to his eyes?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Margo hears the ‘BRRROOOOM’ sound and immediately tunes out the rest of the boring himalaya-lama hooey, preoccupied with trying to remember whether she included ‘Sweep apartment’ on the yard-long list of orders, decrees, and miscellaneous directives she left on the fridge for Tommie.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“I suppose Marty is going to blame Gil for his missing eyes, too. Suck it up, kid!” –Elliegal

MW: Wow. I knew the strip was in full-blown character assassination mode, but I wasn’t expected this level of horror. Forget tetanus, that leer is no longer human. It looks less like a leer and more like he’s trying to cut his head in two using only the muscles in his face.” –Brickers

“I love how Charley insists on punctuating even the most innocuous of conversations with a flagrant leer. ‘Why, Charley, what lovely guppies!’ ‘Oh, yeah? Well, if you dig those, baby, you oughta check out my (wink wink) neon tetras.’” –Violet

MT: ‘See you later, honey! I’m going to track a sniper!’ God, I love this family.” –Chromium

“I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: Camp Swampy is a pansexual B&D military fetish camp for the ultra-rich and NOT affiliated with the DoD. Miss Buxley will take your credit card information in the ‘General’s Office.’” –AeroSquid

“If readers of Cathy now know about Facebook, it’s all over. I say we beat a desperate retreat to MySpace, and hide in that HTML-littered wasteland of sexual predators, fake profiles from the Philippines, and preteen rexies who claim to be 18. If they find us there, it will be our Masada.” –teddytoad

“Of course, Margo doesn’t listen to a word anyone dressed in such odd clothes says, assuming it’s all gibberish anyway, but she does realize no-one’s said anything about her in the last five minutes, and that makes her sad. It will soon enough turn to anger.” –Donald the Anarchist

If you put some cash into my tip jar, I promise to invite you to my apartment and show you my “collectable” art! And thanks must go to my advertisers:

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42 responses to “Metapost: Sheesh! Comments of the week!”

  1. True Fable
    August 4th, 2009 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    yay, congratulations are in order to Carly and all the wonderful float riders this week! Nothing like a leering gorm in a serial soap to bring out the best in snark!

    Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

    C’haft Gee, and now Tinkerbelle will survive, and her and Crank will be the bestest pals in the whole wide world!

    – bullshit. It is precisely this type of manipulative jerking off that makes Tom Batuik the Head Asshole of the comics page, the male equivalent of Lynn Johnston on the Fuckquemeter.

    Let’s see, what is next? What else is there of Rose’s that Crankshaft hasn’t broken, scattered or put in mortal danger? Rose herself, I suppose, which will be manna from freakin’ HEAVEN for Batuik, who once more proves he is the main ingredient in a turd sandwich.

  2. Jamus The Bartender
    August 4th, 2009 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to Carly and also to knittaplease, and does she have the address to the used bookstore in question, as i’d LOVE to have those Terry And The Pirates reprints :)

  3. Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
    August 4th, 2009 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: The only possible chance for joy in the Crankshaft strip is if the dead rattler was guarding her just hatched brood. Tinkerbelle, alas, is a goner. We can hope baby rattler venom puts Ed in the future coma we saw the week prior.

  4. joz
    August 4th, 2009 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    would you like to buy Ziggy’s munch box?
    There is no amount of money in the world that would get me to munch Ziggy’s box

  5. True Fable
    August 4th, 2009 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Dennis Schmenace “I especially like the Soylent Green flavor!”

    Army of One “…and then you give it to her!

    Children of the Circle But…all four children are in the picture, and so are the dogs. Who’s in the pot? Wait… the cat. Oh you bastards! And the joke is, cats make you wait for everything.

    IFHZ Now, Jeremy. If you’re not careful Mommy isn’t going to wipe your ass for you at every turn for the next couple of hours.

    Sultan Spencer, the New Chick Magnet Daymn. Sultan really is hung like a horse, I guess. She won’t be leaving the farm for a loooong time.

    Scenes from Suburban Hell Despite his fortunate discovery of water amid the inky black pool of despair, Lois chides Ditto with the mistaken idea that there is an Olympic category for cannonballs.

  6. artie
    August 4th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    It would be really interesting to see what’s in those Gil Thorp books.

    I stumbled across a old B.C. collections about a month ago –

    “Hey! B.C.” from 1958 (w/ forward by Charles Shultz)
    Which has this amazing description on the back cover:

    Hey! B.C.

    Are you for real?
    What are you – the caveman’s thinking man’s thinking man? A Neanderthal nebish? Bone-age Beatnik? Or What?
    Never Mind. The New York Herald Tribune says you and all those other missing-link characters you hang out with are “A great and hilarious pleasure”
    And Newsweek says you are “One of the country’s hottest comic strips”
    Man you got it made. You’re so far out you’re back in.
    We dig you B.C., us cats up here in the 20th century. And, boy, do you ever dig us!

    And

    “What’s New, B.C.?” from 1968

    And books are actually pretty funny, outside of the misogyny and golf jokes.

  7. Poteet
    August 4th, 2009 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    Wow. You people are really, really funny. Congratulations to Carly for her big win, and special thanks to teddytoad for enabling me to look up and learn a new word. Somehow I’m going to throw “rexy” into a suitable conversation. It may take me a year or so to be in one.

  8. knittaplease
    August 4th, 2009 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    Jamus: They have a surprisingly good comics collection!

    Half Price Books
    5605 W Touhy Ave,
    Niles, IL
    (847) 588-2286

    Dig it!

    *k

  9. Poteet
    August 4th, 2009 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    I wish I could find a CC-worthy book like Allison did. Mostly what I find at used booksales are numerous, and I do mean numerous, collections of GARFIELD. Of course I’m not strong enough to fight my way to the humor table first.

  10. True Fable
    August 4th, 2009 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    9 Dickweed Lane For pity’s sake, please give the baby a CHIN, at least.

  11. Baka Gaijin
    August 4th, 2009 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    You know what’s better than the past week’s strips? COTW! With so many great ones, I don’t know how Josh can narrow them down.

  12. Sheila Sternwell
    August 4th, 2009 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    Congrats everyone!

    And I wish I hadn’t read “Ziggy’s munch box” just after eating.

  13. Steve the Pocket
    August 4th, 2009 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    Re: the comments, I have to give props to DeGroot of All Evil just for that screenname. I don’t know long he/she has been here, but this is the first time I’ve noticed it.

  14. Aviatrix
    August 4th, 2009 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    I’m gasping with laughter here. You’re all so funny this week.

    I’m so glad Q. Pheevr made it on the float with that brilliant re-imagining of the misogynist strip. I want all the stupid strips Q-Pheevred next week.

  15. Ed Dravecky
    August 4th, 2009 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    Overcome with joy at finding my comment so high up the list, I admit I misread one of Josh’s ads this week as “Custom dogs on sale!” and wondered briefly what a horror it must be for the Multnomah Leather Shop to create leather-lined dogs. (Batuik doesn’t read this blog, right?)

  16. Mibbitmaker
    August 4th, 2009 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    8/4/oh, what the hell, it’s above my actual comment anyway:

    Cranky: You don’t so much read this strip as you drive by it, slowing down to gawk at the gruesome scene.

    JP: “Fine, Rocky — you can go there with your shopworn cliches, and I’ll just stay here boffing the horse…”

    666CL: Well, that’s some progress.

    A3G: Margo does not understand such concepts, young holy one.

    DT: Ah, jeez, there he goes again…

    GT: Okay, Gil, that’s one down, a few hundred to go…

    MW: So Charley… saved a marriage for once. Huh. You’re some humanitarian, Charley.

    ZtP: I miss Laugh-In…….

  17. Jackuul
    August 4th, 2009 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20090804&name=Crankshaft

    EMOTION THAT IS NOT SPITE/SARDONIC/HATEFUL/ANGRY FROM CRANKSHAFT? IMPOSSIBLE! For we know the truth…

  18. AirForbes
    August 4th, 2009 at 4:59 am [Reply]

    Aw, man! They’ve got basically every Gil Thorp collection that was ever in print! Must… not… make road trip to Niles….

  19. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    August 4th, 2009 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    Congrats on the funneez! Why aren’t you people the one writing comics? Huh? Huh?!

  20. Anonymous
    August 4th, 2009 at 5:29 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann 08/04/09

    Panel One.

    Luann, I think you meant “Quill’s not INTO me, YET”.
    Thats IF you catch my Lecherous drift, and I THINK you do….,

    ___________________

    DEATH to TJ!

  21. gleeb
    August 4th, 2009 at 6:08 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: From the way it’s steaming, I assume a wildly hallucinating Ed dropped a deuce in the yard, mistook it for a snake, and attacked the dog.

    ‘bean: A guy you used to be married to comes back from Central Asia because yours is the only face he can remember and you ask if he wants anything? You should have that stuff set out as a matter of course!

    Godiva Danube, forgetful house guest!: Wasn’t the whole point for them to sleep under the same roof for once?

    Mary: Jets will be scrambled. The plane will be forced down. Mary will not be denied the chance to say, “I told you so”.

  22. True Fable
    August 4th, 2009 at 6:26 am [Reply]

    Meddle House Fittingly, Delilah boarded the Supertrain. along with guest stars Victor Bueno, Dennis Dugan and Elaine Joyce, and together they captured that early ’70′s feel. And like the series, this particular storyline flopped.

  23. John C Fremont
    August 4th, 2009 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    Wait, there was a Family Circus computer game? Sheesh!

  24. Talking Squirrel
    August 4th, 2009 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    FC: That has to be the weirdest birthday song ever. The first four lines of the English version can sorta be sung to the “Happy Birthday to You” tune. I don’t have a clue what you’d do with the rest of the lines.

    The French version doesn’t have a single rhyme and its first four lines can only fit the tune if you gabble out the fourth line in double time. Then you apparently repeat the same verse and chorus ad nauseam (as indicated by the final “…” on the page).

    Are the participants supposed to keep singing until they can no longer reprennent leurs souffles encore une fois — or just until one of the partiers busts the pinata or Daddy’s nuts, whichever occurs first?

    OK, now someone will inform us that this is a special Birthday song used only for bilingual orphans in Brittany, and make me feel shitty for snarking it. Bring it on.

  25. Sequitur
    August 4th, 2009 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Ziggy’s Munch Box. Did you read the discription? What’s this about Ziggy getting busted for touching Little Lotta where her bathing suit covered? Why haven’t I heard about this? Ziggy is more than pantless, he’s a pantless pervert! Who’d a thunk it.
    I guess Ziggy will be munching on a bit of dog later in the day. Yum!

  26. Sock Puppet
    August 4th, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    In today’s last panel, Coach Thorp is veering dangerously close to honest introspection that might not end with, “God, I’m awesome.” But I trust Gil to bring it around, even if it kills him. And by “him,” I mean Marty, of course.

  27. Ned Ryerson
    August 4th, 2009 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    I don’t know how I missed the name knittaplease. Hilarious.

    Some of those Gil Thorp books are fetching high prices from Amazon re-sellers. (Well they’re listed with high prices, but I don’t know if any fetching is actually taking place.) The publisher (Take 5 Productions, I think) seemed really off the grid when they were promoting some new compilations last year, so I’m surprised to see those things available in one of those outlet-y places!

  28. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    August 4th, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    One of the best things about CoTW is that if I haven’t had time to read comments for the week (as so often happens) I get a second chance to read the best here. So thank you Josh, for providing this valuable service. And congrats to everyone on the float!

    Violet, you made me snort.

    Knittaplease, either I know you or there are two knittapleases in the Chicago area. Stranger things have happened.

  29. anonymous
    August 4th, 2009 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    There is actually a collection of Gil Thorp? More than one volume? I am astounded. Wrap up these, with a box of saltine crackers and a DVD of a golf game for a trifecta of Boring!

    I have an old collection of Momma cartoons. And a collection of Willy and Ethel, back when they were funny.

    Is there a basement anywhere in the US that doesn’t have at least one Far Side collection? Or B. Kliban (going waaay back to Playboy days).

  30. Lorem Ipsum
    August 4th, 2009 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: if this weren’t so true, it wouldn’t be so funny…

  31. Sequitur
    August 4th, 2009 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    I was recently cleaning out some old boxes from the garage looking for things to toss when I found a box of old books. In the box were two things that made my day. One was a collection of Calvin and Hobbs (priceless) and a collection of Don Martin -MADs Maddest Artist (hilarious). Needless to say I spent the next couple of hours having a grand old time rereading these gems. They now have a special place on my bookshelf.

  32. lunarhalo
    August 4th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    “Rockin the Armory!” sounds less like a Gil Thorp collection and more like an amateur video shot in a dank seldom used ammo dump on Camp Swampy after Sarge slipped Beetle some chloral hydrate.

    for cinematographer Sgt. Lugg it was a bittersweet occasion

  33. scott
    August 4th, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    MT- I anxiously await the finding of the shooters dead body in the forest. After all, he’s been wandering around there for a week already.
    GT-How about a beer, Gil? Fer Crissake, he’s 24!

  34. Dr. Y. Zowl
    August 4th, 2009 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Re Family Circus birthday song:

    Even though I (sort of) know French, I can’t get the notion out of my head that “Souffle les bougies” has something to do with expelling nasal mucus.

  35. zamros
    August 4th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Woah! I made the float! Thanks for believing in me, everybody. It’s not easy pulling off a Herb & Jamaal joke in a week with not only sex-freak Charley’s hamhanded canoodling with a woman who has the brain of a 12 year old BUT ALSO Ed Crankshaft dropping an olympic winning turd on his lawn while he frames a rattlesnake for his wanton slaughter of a dog. No, really, look at August 4th’s ‘Shaft out of context.

  36. knittaplease
    August 4th, 2009 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Ned: Shoot, maybe I should get the GT books and make my fortune!

    Li’l Bunne: If there’s another knittaplease in Chicago, i’ll have to knife the bitch. Er… i mean, that’s my Twitter name. Real name’s Kara. Do we know each other?

    Also on the Gil Thorpe tip: As I pointed out to Josh a while back, there’s also a bar here (on Southport, I think) that has the requisite sports crud on the walls and a TON of Gil Thorpe stuff. I have no idea why.

  37. Joe Blevins
    August 4th, 2009 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    That Ziggy munch box breaks my heart, because I know it was probably once owned — and used — by a child who was mocked unmercifully for it, perhaps even beaten up. I know what you’re thinking: any kid dumb enough to like Ziggy deserves to mocked, beaten, and humiliated. But hold on a second there, Lord Smugsley of Mockington. Remember that kids, generally, are not terribly sophisticated nor do they have particularly good taste. The simplified, open linework and easy-to-parse humor of Ziggy make it just the kind of feature that might appeal to a kid who’s just getting interested in cartoons and comics. (I wish I could say that, as a young comics reader, I started with Tin Tin or Maus or something, but it’s not true. My favorites as a kid were Hagar the Horrible and Beetle Bailey, two comics which are regularly — and rightly — mocked here. I may even have had some Garfield, Family Circus, and Ziggy paperbacks. Sure, I read Peanuts, too, but I didn’t understand then what made that comic better than the others.) Insecure, introspective kids might also identify with Ziggy, who — like them — is small in stature and much-victimized by the world. Imagine the poor deluded kid, delighted to find a Ziggy lunchbox on sale at the local Woolworth or whatever — totally unaware of the humiliation this item will bring. That kid learned a harsh, harsh life lesson in a school cafeteria somewhere, and my heart bleeds for them.

    I say this as someone who had lunchboxes based on at least TWO failed (and almost certainly terrible) TV shows — Here’s Boomer and Mr. Merlin — but who suffered the most humiliation and agony because of an Inspector Gadget lunchbox. And Gadget was a badass compared to Ziggy, so I really feel for that kid.

  38. Carly
    August 4th, 2009 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    It’s weird, Josh usually likes my comments when I don’t think I’m all that clever. (Something about not trying?) But thank you for the honor- I’m blushing over here.

  39. Carly
    August 4th, 2009 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    Now that I finished reading the comments, I must say there were some VERY funny ones this week. Dan Traut’s, especially, made me laugh like an insane person (possibly Charlie). I also particularly enjoyed Lunarhalo’s and Dingo’s.

  40. Crankshafs funky smelling corpse
    August 4th, 2009 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    FW: Just you watch: Wally is going to end up killing himself.

  41. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    August 4th, 2009 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    Knittaplease – Small world/internet! We have met, and have friends in common. My name is Tony and we met through CHIRP.

  42. Vic Fieger
    August 5th, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    They alphabetized Gil Thorp under “T” rather than “G” ? That’s sort of unusual, even though the series is named for a character. So why isn’t Tamara Drewe under “D”?

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