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Don’t say “farewell tour” unless you MEAN IT, Billy

Family Circus, 9/7/09

While my self-respect demands that I ignore Billy’s patented brand of ME ME ME LOOK AT ME idiocy, I am a little curious about just what sort of adult-time activity he’s interrupting. It appears that Mommy and some of her grown-up friends are hanging around the house decked out in what appear to be low-key hipster housewife togs from 1978-ish. The two non-Keanes look somewhat discomfited by Billy’s appearance, and really, why wouldn’t they be; still, I’d like to believe that there’s something vaguely disreputable going on here, possibly involving objects hidden away in those clunky purses, or clandestine ingredients added to the big mugs of International Coffee so casually balanced on the furniture.

Also, I’m curious as to what these ladies are doing over here at Billy’s bedtime. Shouldn’t they be at home reading fairy-tale stories to their own sleepy broods? (The idea that the Keane parents would be associating with non-breeders is obviously unthinkable.) Perhaps it’s actually 3 p.m., which has been established as Billy’s bedtime due to some combination of strict parenting ideas and his extreme obnoxiousness.

Marvin, 9/7/09

I feel like I’m getting kind of repetitive when it comes to Marvin, and I promise to stop the moment it stops serving up nightmare visions that turn my stomach. This strip at least demonstrates a sort of interesting visual effect, which is that all the cues that we associate with cute, adorable babies — grossly oversized heads, short, stubby limbs, a proportionally wider torso — become awful and terrifying when the baby in question is blown up to adult size. The vision of the monstrous Marvin-troll, the same height as his mother but at least three times the mass, with a grossly oversized head and eyes the size of baseballs, is so shocking that it allows us to ignore the even more unsettling fact that he’s berating his mother for dressing all slutty.

Spider-Man, 9/7/09

Since Spider-Man has no super-speed abilities, I question how much safer anyplace he could take MJ to within “seconds” might be. “Sorry, Logan. Had to take the lady to safety by putting her on top of that five-foot-tall pile of boxes inside the same building or place where we’re standing now. Is it a warehouse? I forget. Anyway, you can see her right over there. Let’s wave to her from down here, where it’s ever so much more dangerous!”

Jumble, 9/7/09

I originally read the rather compressed dialogue in today’s Jumble cartoon as “Now they can enjoy their food without sweating.” Because the toxic pesticides these pilots have sprayed all over the picnic tables will cause all of the parkgoers’ pores to close up, a few minutes before their nervous systems just shut down altogether.

119 responses to “Don’t say “farewell tour” unless you MEAN IT, Billy”

  1. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

  2. Niall
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    1 AeroSquid #2: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

    Josh: I also saw “sweating” and had to peer closer. Glad I’m not alone.

  3. Mac
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Ah, but Josh, Marvin is always an unsettling troll.

  4. Aramael
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    A no-fly zone! Do I get a prize?

  5. buckyswife
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    choke, felon, oxygen, fizzle…..

    Phew—I’m exhausted! Time for a nap!

  6. zenvelo
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth- I think Scott is looking up at a surveillance cam to make sure his alibi is established. It’s the only thing I can think of to explain such an odd position.

  7. Baka Gaijin
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: Let’s hope Billy’s “Farewell Tour” isn’t like The Rolling Stones or The Eagles and keep coming back for more.

    General Comment: When will escape the grips of the AJGLU-3000? My discerner of humor is atrophying as we speak.

  8. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

  9. Muffaroo
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Dick“I’m here to get to the bottom of this.” “That’s what SHE said!”

    Hägar – I can’t decide. Are rape jokes funnier than death jokes?

    Judge – “Okay, deputy, you win for now, but it’s only fair to tell you that if anything bad happens later, it’ll be because of me. Wait, should I have said that?”

    Mark – ‘Rusty’ is kind of a nickname for redheads. In his case, I’ll assume he’s called that because he’s a robot who doesn’t come inside when it rains. Or even stop looking up.

    Mary“Let’s make it one step better!” “This friend of mine told me something great you can do with a bottle of whiskey and a DVD of ‘South Pacific’!”

    Momma – I don’t understand it, but it can’t be good. I’m edging away now, not making eye contact.

    Pluggers – I know a plugger who’s going to have melting ice cream and faux chocolate all over his forehead in about ten seconds.

    R=R – Plugger comic strips have to explain everything in a little note at the end.

    6 Chix – This is fairly good for a non-Wednesday strip.

    Slylock – The fox is the robot. Just look at those eyes!

  10. Larry Fine
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    I guess Rusty will have a lot to tell his friends, at least before they give him a swirlie.

  11. Muffaroo
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    tb4000 @yy39 – They have Mary Worth in France, too, but there they call the city “Santa Quarter Pounder.”

    Helpful tip! – If you don’t feel like reading all the comments before posting, and you don’t want to repeat what someone else just said, do a quick search on a key word or two in your humorous comment. If, on the other hand, you just don’t care, well, okay.

    Poor, exploited pluggers (Sun) – If a plugger falls in the forest, and nobody hears it, is it necessary to put in a box thanking someone in Iowa?

    Canuck @y20 – I remember my first taste of ginger beer, at a sandwich shop in Williamsburg. I chose a clear, sparkling soda to go with my deli sandwich. Before I took the first bite, I had a healthy swig of the cool, refreshing… JESUS CHRIST! It was like a ginger mine exploded in my head! I gasped for air, and my eyes bugged out. Everything smelled like ginger. Everything looked like ginger. The rest of my sandwich tasted like ginger. My companion, who had followed my lead in purchasing a bottle, decided he wasn’t thirsty. Yes, indeed, I clearly remember my last taste of ginger beer.

    Dr. Weird @y29 – Funky Winkerbean leaped ten years sideways. Once you’ve glazed over at the temporal paradoxes inherent in comic strips and books, it makes neither more nor less sense than anything else in comic time.

  12. Muffaroo
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Wolfdog @y76 – I’m pretty sure she lives with Herb because he accidentally opened her envelope and now he’s stuck with her forever. (I feel like I’ve made that joke before, but then, I expect someone to point out that two of the jokes I used @11 were first made in 2007 and 2008, respectively.)

    buckyswife @y93 – I was playing piano at a rest home once, and after I played “The Sound of Music,” a little old lady stood up and said, “We don’t like this new stuff.”

    John C Fremont @y102 – I saw a video of Lemmings (just the second act, aka the Woodshuck part) online somewhere, and it’s shocking how slack the performances are compared to the LP. I no longer regret not having seen it live.

    (Don’t know about Bill Hicks, but I’m guessing Mr. Mike and Doug Kenny talk about cliffs in Hawaii.)

    Poteet @y111 – Yeah, I like “No Way to Stop It” too. Then again, I listen to the Broadway sound track lots more than I watch or listen to the movie version anyway, though I will tune in to the movie when it’s on TV and watch it for at least a while.

    y113-114 – Uh oh, somebody’s trying to sell MLBEUJs and NORWGs again.

    AeroSquid @y131 – Ohhh, yeah. I’m way overdue to spend another day looking at RED MEAT strips. (I’m laughin’!)

  13. guest
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    A Mad take on comic strips:

    Some cartoonists go MAD and offer examples of comic strips they’d really like to do:

  14. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    12. Muffaroo: For some reason that one is my favorite.

  15. Calico
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    A “To” “Xic” “Foam”

  16. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Thank God. Billy remembered to wear the pajama bottoms for his farewell tour as well.

  17. Baka Gaijin
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    #8 AeroSquid: He can’t possibly be a Keane kid; you made the head too small. seems to be back. Yay!

  18. Ukulele Ike
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Archie: So how did Arch and Jughead manage to get served (shrimp cocktail? looks like shrimp cocktail) in the formal dining room of the Lodge mansion without the master of the house knowing about it in the first place? Or did he invite them for dinner so he could throw them physically out of the place — along with a cheese, a fish, a turkey drumstick, and a variety of delicatessen — during the first course?

    MC: Norm had better keep Ashley and Bridget away from each other. Those two are liable to fight like cats and dogs. *snerk*

  19. buckyswife
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    13 guest: The Mary Worth one is brilliant!

  20. Baka Gaijin
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    #17 me: Damned cached pages. No

  21. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    #8 Aerosquid,
    I l-u-v luv it! A similar change could also work for the man-size Marvin, who’s already looking like a Paul McCarthy sculpture.

  22. Larry Fine
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Mark: “Another gunshot!”

    Mark Trail: Outdoors writer, dispenser of the Fist o’ Justice, and Deducer of the Obvious.

  23. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    16. Artist formerly known as Ben:

    Yeah…..about that….

  24. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply] is dead to me.

  25. Red Greenback
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Muffaroo: “Santa Quarter Pounder”? You owe me a royalty check for using that one, my friend! …or as they call it in France, a “Quarter Pounderty” check.

  26. Thorpe
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    It doesn’t help matters that in this strip at least, Marvin has a faint resemblence to Chucky the serial-killer possessed doll from the Child’s Play flicks.

  27. Bard
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    For the record, the answer to today’s Jumble is “‘no-fly’ zone”. I know this not by actually solving the jumbles, but on a general advisory that the answers tend to be excruciatingly lame puns.

  28. fnord3125
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    the key to spider-man is surely that the narration box doesn’t say how many seconds. It’s probably at least 3600. enough time to “get her to safety,” if you know what i mean, and i think you do. oh wait. this is peter parker we’re talking about isn’t? make it 300 seconds. that’s probably enough time to get himself to safety anyway.

  29. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    21. Artist formerly known as Ben: Holy Butt Plugs, Batman ! THIS Paul McCarthy ? :

  30. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 7th, 2009 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Josh says “at least three times the mass”, but that’s almost certainly a steep underestimate; our visual systems are best attuned to linear measurements and very bad at mass and volume comparisons. But I did a back of the envelope estimate of Marvin’s mass as pictured this morning, and came out with about 800 kg.

  31. Calico
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    #25 – “Royale with Cheese”

  32. Muffaroo
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    ps re Marfield: An instructional example of a real grownup and child at the same size.

  33. Peter
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    FC: Not to mention the fact that the two women seem to be sitting approximately 17 feet away from Mrs. Keane.

  34. Gold-Digging Nanny
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Man, I am really behind on my comics, but I just have to say something about Dick Tracy from a few days ago.

    9/5 DT — Wow, that’s actually a pretty good tiger. Kudos, Dick Locher. Looks like someone’s angling for a new job. Too bad Mark Trail isn’t hiring.

  35. Muffaroo
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Red Greenback @25 – I should have known that one was too good to be mine. I’m sending you 20% of the money I made from it.

    note – For what may be a different scan of the MAD article mentioned above, here is the link I posted a year or so back. It also includes other articles that were left out of the ‘complete’ CD-ROM set for (most likely) copyright reasons. Some nice Wally Wood art in there! (If you like MAD, check out the whole site that’s from. Doug Gilford did a great job, including a Don Martin dictionary that every cultured person should memorize. Dawk!)

  36. Muffaroo
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    (Just checked – Gilford’s scans are larger, unless the ones at that other page blow up in some way I haven’t found.)

  37. Muffaroo
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    me @32 – By the way, left to right, it’s my daughter Sarah and my wife Cathy, in 2004. Okay, I’m going to do something else for a while now.

  38. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

  39. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    That little expression of muzzy, detached forebearance on Thel’s face suggests to me that she has already said “farewell” to more than just one of those cups full of gin.

  40. Anonymous
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @ aerosquick-Is that dolla dolla bill that he is stripping too?

  41. Lorem Ipsum
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    #40 can be attributed to me…alas, I fess up.

  42. buckyswife
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Ways this site has screwed me up for good, #253: I was just reading a friend’s posting, and ensuing comments, on Facebook about his visit to a local Renaissance festival. One of the comments asked, “Did you at least get a turkey leg?”—and thanks to one Dingo, I had a mental image of my friend that’s going to require a few gallons, at least, of brain bleach.

  43. mr 12 oz can
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    hey its not a party without the ghost .this week in milford needs to update more

  44. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    40. Anon ?: No more like C&C Music Factory:

  45. Poteet
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    JUMBLE — Thanks a lot, J-game. There’s been more crop-dusting — oops, “aerial application” — than usual this summer, because of the cool weather, and while it was interesting to watch a small plane carrying a load of insecticide using the airspace right above my house as a turnaround zone again and again and again, I’d rather it didn’t And now, just as the spraying seems to finally be over, I see this. Gaaah.

  46. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Jumble: Evenflo ? Kootchie ?

  47. Poteet
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    # 1 AeroSquid — I really like that first one. Though the creature, if it finds out how its image was used, might sue you.

    S-M — I suppose Spidey didn’t actually drop her on her head, and “safety” isn’t actually a code word for “heaven.” *disappointed sigh*

  48. Joe Blevins
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Do tell, Wolverine, what kind of product are you using these days? Some kind of solvent-based lacquer mixed with Gorilla Glue and Smurf blood, I assume? Whatever it is, it’s good to know you’re available for a Meet the Deedles sequel, if there ever is one.

    MARVIN: Damn you, Armstrong, for making Marvin’s mom look hot at the worst possible time! (i.e. anytime)

    FC: Thel is apparently hosting some kind of theme party where the guests all have to wear something sherbet-colored.

  49. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    47. Poteet: Fair use ! Public domain ! Oh who am I kidding ? I have a ‘Cease and Desist’ folder in my Outlook.

  50. Poteet
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    # 12 Muffaroo — I also like “How Can Love Survive,” so naturally it was turned into Muzak in the movie.

    And I liked the part in the MAD parody where Julie Andrews sang “When we top FAIR LADY, vengeance will be mine!”

  51. bats :[
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Okay. Act casual. Don’t look it straight in the eye. It seems that Rusty is back.

  52. Poteet
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    # 13 guest — Thank you!! This is so great! I remember the original, and my favorite was and is the Miss Peach version of POGO. But it’s now a small added thrill to see that I’m in the STEVE CANYON.

  53. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Holycrapcomicscomisbackupmarmadukeishidingbonesunderthesofafredbassetisgetsoffthecouchhahahahdilbertisfunnyifyouhavearealjoblandsharkcandygramhahahahahah! *whew*

  54. TheDiva
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of repetitive, I greatly fear that Marvin is setting up an entire week of strips in which Marvin imagines being an obese monstrosity with a head the size of a Mardis Gras float prop and berating his parents. It’s almost enough to make one long for the days of “Belly Laffs.”

  55. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    50. Poteet: I remember the MAD parody when Julie Andrews sang: “The world is a rhomboid without a Circumference…”

  56. Mars
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    I took it to mean Stan just gave him superspeed at that point, just for that panel.

    …..wait, actually, “superspeed” doesn’t mean anything if you’re not using your legs. Y’know, it IS fully possible to get a good distance away in a short period of time by swinging from something.

    …..BUT….they’re in an enclosed area and swinging that fast would ACTUALLY just slam them both against the wall. I guess it still doesn’t make sense.

  57. queek
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    17, 20: well, Yahoo Frazz is up to Saturday now.


  58. queek
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

  59. Digger
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    So today we see that Marvin thinks his mother is a tramp, and he dreams of being able to physically impose his will upon her. Can we please just go back to the poop jokes now?

  60. Poteet
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    # 55 AeroSquid — What parody was that?

  61. Poteet
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    # 55 AeroSquid — Actually, in # 1, it kind of looks as if the ElrodBall is indicating that the creature in the second panel is, in fact, Jack Elrod. It would help explain some things if that were the case.

  62. queek
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    57: ok, got on to thru the Arlo&Janis blog. Its up and running.

    todays Frazz: wonderful pun, by which I mean awful.

    A&J: ouch! wow. just wow.

  63. ratnerstar
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Honestly, I sorta assumed that “seconds later” was the narration box being snarky about Spiderman’s sexual prowess.

  64. dasein
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Is the Lockhorn’s plumber taking a dump? Because unless he’s a toad, that’s the only explanation I can come up with for the way his body appears to be assembled.

    Perhaps he was supposed to be in Marvin but took a wrong turn at Apartment 3G?

  65. John C Fremont
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    #12 Muffaroo – There’s a sale on NORWGs?!

    #55 AeroSquid – Pretty sure that was their parody of Lost Horizon. Many years ago I paid good money to buy my brother the soundtrack to that wretched movie just so we could make fun of it. We were not disappointed.

  66. bats :[
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    And yet, I cannot look away.

  67. Black Drazon
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    “Well, I do so enjoy entertaining and… oh, shit, the blond one is out of bed again. Excuse me ladies, I just have to cross the two hundred foot barren expanse between our couches and give him another shot of whiskey.”

  68. ehme
    September 7th, 2009 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Ma Keane is having one of her infamous “Crack-ware” parties. If Billy isn’t careful he is going to be offered up as a “party favor”.

  69. Eldaglass
    September 7th, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me or are B.C. and Wizard of Id especially disgusting today?

  70. Grant
    September 7th, 2009 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    I think its cool that you’re exploring the dark psychological undercurrents of newspaper comics.
    As a teenager I suffered from severe depression and formed a strong bond with the character Garfield and his outlook. Its sad but reading garfield anthologies obsessively was the only thing that made me feel normal and it eventually took on something of an erotic fixation.

    To avoid feeling like a sicko I drew pictures of garfield with a womans(Think Pamela anderson circa 1991) body and garfields head, so that I was assured that my fixation wasn’t with animals or repressed homosexuality. This garfield/pam hybrid still had the same biting wit and acerbic outlook and tended to cut herself in self loathing while wolfing down a lasagna to fill the void after sleeping with drawings of a much more handsome and muscular version of myself. These drawings eventually evolved into erotic fanfiction starring garfield and myself (In my head Garfield still has a womans body but someone reading the stories would think Im having sex with regular Garfield.) I killed off Jon in a jealous rage, I didn’t touch Odie, I enjoy his companionship and don’t mind if he watches.

    The stories are your pretty basic wish fulfillment stuff, balanced with self loathing rants. I’ve been doing this near daily for years and I have a substantial amount of writing in a folder I keep buried in 8 different folders.

  71. Lorem Ipsum
    September 7th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Grant I think you need more folders…bury them deep, deep, deep in your psyche.

  72. curlyfries
    September 7th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    #70 Grant, I know a really lovely woman named Margo who’d love to meet you.

  73. AeroSquid
    September 7th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Poteet/John C Fremont: Gonna have to check my DVD collection of MAD magazines (Crappy PDF’s). But I think John C. Fremont is right.

  74. Jamus The Bartender
    September 7th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    70. …..oh dear….

  75. Comrade Denny
    September 7th, 2009 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: Chuckle up, people. We’ll see how you feel about Billy’s “farewell tour” once he goes back to his bedroom, shatters his mirror, hacks his siblings to death with a shard, and slashes his throat. Most of you will have laughed yourselves to death by then.

  76. dale
    September 7th, 2009 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    What are you people thinking? Don’t post the answers. I can solve it or wait until tomorrow’s paper. If you’re that proud of your puzzle solving ability, just tell us.

  77. bats :[
    September 7th, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm….maybe Ma Keane’s lady-friends are getting a load of the load Billy’s toting around in the back of his jammies…

  78. Steve S
    September 7th, 2009 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    The opening panel of Spider-Man means that either Wolverine is too blind/stupid to notice someone who’s right there, or MJ can talk out of her butt and has so little respect for Peter that she calls him “web-face.” Either way, it fits this comic’s depiction of “heroes.”

  79. Poteet
    September 7th, 2009 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    # 65 John C. Fremont and # 73 AeroSquid — Thank you! And I also think John C. Fremont is right. I remember seeing a dreadful movie about Shangri-La described in a book called THE GOLDEN TURKEY AWARDS, and I seem to recall that the movie featured Liv Ullman singing something called “The World Is A Circle,” accompanied by a bunch of talentless “orphans.” The review said it was a ghastly misuse of Ullman.

    Lordie, now I think it might have been a musical version of LOST HORIZON. Some people should never be allowed near movie studios.

  80. Alison
    September 7th, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    I find it odd that Marvin is imaging berating his mother for her choice of clothing. Where has he learned that? If Marvin was a teenager it would make sense, because his mother would probably have told him such a thing (“You aren’t going out with your pants hanging that low and that gang-like leather jacket, buddy!” etc) but since when are babies reprimanded by their mothers for what they wear? It would make more sense for Marvin to daydream about telling him mom something he’s actually been told, like, “No, you can’t have another cup of juice.” (I am not touching the subject of diapers.)

  81. Poteet
    September 7th, 2009 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    # 79 — Sorry, I see now that John C. Fremont mentioned the name of the movie. It must be Freudian that my brain refused to take it in. Now I’m remembering the book photo of Liv in costume, singing that song, with the orphans trailing along behind her. Arrrrrgh.

  82. Poteet
    September 7th, 2009 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    # 81 — Sorry to post once more OT, but I can’t resist posting what’s below, which I just found. I hope the author will never come here — I think he would not be happy:-).

    “I have read what others say about the remake of Lost Horizon and I must say some folks are really picky. I saw the film back in 1993 and found it refreshing. I recently obtained a copy on CD from ebay. My wife and I watched it with some friends and enjoyed the musical numbers all over again. Maybe it is the concept of Shanghai that appeals to me or perhaps the message of hope in a world gone mad. Whatever the case I find the film refreshing and look beyond the criticisms.”

  83. John C Fremont
    September 7th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    #79 Poteet – You read The Golden Turkey Awards? Wow, it really is a small world after all! Sure, the Medveds didn’t get everything right (no, Lugosi did not actually say of Tor Johnson that “he’s harmless as kitchen,” for starters) but I still trot out quotes from that book on a regular basis. Major flash-back!

  84. Talking Squirrel
    September 7th, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: You will notice that there’s no mention of Dad anywhere in that thought balloon. He’s already been resolved. And Mom just can’t be seen “in public” in that miniskirt. Nobody gets to see it now … nobody but MegaMarvin.

    He might have to change his footwear though. At that size, he’s gonna have trouble finding big enough tortillas to wrap them burritoes of his in.

  85. MonkeyShines
    September 7th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    So basically, a government-manufactured super-soldier like Wolverine, is unable to locate someone (who was just standing directly beside him) by … turning his head in the same direction as his body and tilting his head slightly upward.

    Can’t wait until these “super” “heroes” are so neutered that they settle their battles with their enemies via the pulse-pounding thrill-chill that is “binding arbitration”.

  86. Poteet
    September 7th, 2009 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    # 83 John C. Fremont — I think I might still have my copy, somewhere in the basement. And thanks for the tip re LOST HORIZON. Maybe I’ll get a copy sometime and see what I’ve been missing.

  87. mr 12 oz can
    September 7th, 2009 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    does detective scott borrow all his clothes from lawrence ? you think the way dr jeff was drooling over him last week you thought he would have bought him a green jacket for going out to dinner.

  88. Kallista
    September 7th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Joey’s belly-shirt confounds me, as usual, but Mrs. Wilson’s dress is lovely today.

    Also, forget what I said the other day about supplying verbs for activities involving naked comics characters. Better to think about sweet cold nectarines, ice water with lemon, and, perhaps, buckwheat pancakes. That way lies sanity.

  89. Braniff
    September 7th, 2009 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    FC: If Mommy and Daddy Keane have any cajones, they’ll trade little Billy to the Van Pelts (where he could play football with that tricky Lucy) or the Bumsteads, where he could tackle Dagwood when he heads out the front door (saving the mail carrier lots of trouble), or the Mitchells (in exchange for Dennis–who would liven up things around the Keane household).

  90. sak
    September 7th, 2009 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    As uncomfortable as I am defending Marvin, it has to be rather horrifying when all of Marvin’s toddler “friends” are getting flashed by his mother. If you doubt this, just remember that Marvin came from there.

  91. Farley's Revenge
    September 7th, 2009 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Referring back to some previous thread: Heard on the news today that the fried butter won an award at the state fair. “Most creative” or something like that.

    Best tasting was the fried peaches and cream.

    I don’t know if either of those items came on a stick.

  92. Niall
    September 7th, 2009 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    82. Poteet: I’m dubious about someone who confuses Shanghai and Shangri-La.

    88. Kallista: Very wise move. (For the record, I never actually thought of Ashley naked. Even after seeing a couple of rule 34 pics. It’s more the attraction I seem to have to personality traits embodied by her character.)

  93. Marion Delgado
    September 7th, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    Speaking on behalf of my Zero Population Growth chapter, I am glad to see “Marvin” has worked out as well as we planned it to when we commissioned Tom Armstrong to create it in 1982.

    We were inspired by this scene from C. M. Kornbluth’s The Marching Morons:

    The place seemed to be showing a triple feature, Babies Are Terrible, Don’t Have Children, and The Canali Kid.

    It was irresistible; he paid a dollar and went in.

    He caught the tail end of The Canali Kid in three-dimensional, full-color, full-scent production. It appeared to be an interplanetary saga winding up with a chase scene and a reconciliation between estranged hero and heroine.

    Babies Are Terrible and Don’t Have Children were fantastic arguments against parenthood—the grotesquely exaggerated dangers of painfully graphic childbirth, vicious children, old parents beaten and starved by their sadistic offspring. The audience, Barlow astoundedly noted, was placidly chomping sweets and showing no particular signs of revulsion.

    That’s going to be the poster for the movie version, by the way:

    Babies are terrible. Don’t have children. (image of smug Marvin standing with folded hands).


    A 3-D, full-color, full-scent production!

  94. tymime
    September 7th, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Hey look, #13′s posted the exact same thing I’ve e-mailed and/or sent via comments to Josh at least four times now, and only NOW does ANYBODY take ANY notice. X(
    …Well, here it is larger anyway:

  95. Ukulele Ike
    September 7th, 2009 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    OT: Speaking of Lost Horizon (the original, anyway), I just re-watched The Asphalt Jungle. That Sam Jaffe was a heckuvan actor, wasn’t he?

    If you disagree, just try The Scarlet Empress and The Day the Earth Stood Still.

  96. bats :[
    September 7th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    95. Ike: although I don’t remember, my mother told me that when I was a weanling, I was fascinated by Dr. Zorba on TV’s Dr. Kildare. Yeah, love that Sam Jaffe!
    And don’t forget “Gunga Din”!

  97. queek
    September 7th, 2009 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    92: including the “store room closet” pic?

    Rule 34 including the Brain Trust, ftw!

    *runs laughing for cover*

  98. buckyswife
    September 7th, 2009 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    82 Poteet: Hey—the concept of Shanghai appeals to me, too! Maybe I should watch that movie!

  99. Talking Squirrel
    September 7th, 2009 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    GA: She takes a quick sidewise glance at the sofa cushion, and judges it thick and spongy enough that it won’t fracture Mr. Walt’s hyoid and cause a problem with the M.E.

  100. seismic-2
    September 7th, 2009 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    #95 – OT for the funnies, but relevant to comic books – Don Rosa wrote a Donald Duck comic, “Return to Trala La”, in which the ancient lama in charge of the place was named Tsamjah Phe.

    FC: Billy is going to bed mid-afternoon, and making his farewell tour of the house, because Mommy has told him that she is having a special Mommy party, and tonight when he goes to sleep, she and the other Mommies will make sure that he wakes up with Grandpa.

  101. sugarpie
    September 7th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Poteet, Calico Thanks for the suggestions on SoM. I’ll drift off tonight with thoughts of little rusty darts hitting more than just the captain.

    More off-topic, but… re Lost Horizon (the seventies version). I remember seeing this in the theater as a kid and being stupendously bored and leaving before it was over. Looking back, I imagine when Gielgud and Liv Ullmann both got to the set they were unable to look each other in the eye. Finally Gielgud says “OK, yeah, I’m here because I lost a bet. You?” Liv U. admits that she also lost a bet. The real indicator of how crappy it is? Michael York! Guaranteed red flag of a movie to avoid. The exception being ‘Cabaret’ which was pretty good, at least the musical scenes, despite him.

    Hey there’s the COTW’s posted.

  102. bats :[
    September 7th, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    101. sugarpie: aw, you’re too hard on Michael York! The Three and Four Musketeers, to be precise…but then, there was also Christopher Lee and Charlton Heston and Richard Chamberlain and Raquel Welch and (sigh) Oliver Reed in it, too.

  103. Carly
    September 7th, 2009 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    My favorite part of today’s Family Circus is the fact that Momma Keane’s “friends” are sitting as far from her as they can get without actually being in a separate room.

  104. sugarpie
    September 7th, 2009 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    102, bats :[ Well, maybe was too hard on Michael York; I guess anyone can make a few bad career choices. In my defense (or Lord, here comes some specious crap arguement…), he did make those ‘Left Behind’ movies for cable. Michael York is hereby downgraded to yellow flag status. And I agree about Oliver Reed!

  105. DumbBlone
    September 7th, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Jumble seems to be secretly channeling ‘They’ll Do It Every Time’ (@#76… SPOILER ALERT … but it is late enough in the evening now that if someone out there hasn’t solved it yet, well… they probably ain’t gonna):

    Ma: “For our Labor Day picnic this year, we went the extra mile and went *all organic*. Yes sirree…. lovely pesticide-free, home-grown tomatoes, artisan olive oil, organic baby arugula…. uhh… what’s that buzzing noise? arrgh!! Pesticide spray planes! They’ll do it every time those.. those… those FELONS! They are going to CHOKE us all. My organic picnic will FIZZLE. Why I oughta … urk… can’t… breathe… need.. OXYGEN.”

  106. Anonymous
    September 7th, 2009 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Felon – oxygen fizzle – choke — yep, that about says it all for the fate of the poor slobs getting the pesticide bath.

  107. Crankenstank
    September 7th, 2009 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Oh, that was me on 105, I became anonymous somehow.

  108. Poteet
    September 7th, 2009 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    # 101 sugarpie — BWAHAHA!

    The reviews I skimmed were full of that special venom that movie critics spew forth when the movie has put them through hell. I can well believe the actors weren’t able to look at each other.

  109. Johnny Knuckles
    September 8th, 2009 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    FC: Two explanations for the bedtime socializing.
    1. Mrs. Keane is being visited by two church ladies who are deeply concerned about the Keane Kids blaming their moral rot on the evil spirits Notme and Ida Know.
    2. The Keanes invited two unsuspecting couples to an Amway meeting in their home. Mr. Keane is currently in the garage with their husbands showing off his brand spanking new ’79 Buick station wagon that he bought with his bonus check.

  110. bbot
    September 8th, 2009 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    Because the toxic pesticides these pilots have sprayed all over the picnic tables will cause all of the parkgoers’ pores to close up, a few minutes before their nervous systems just shut down altogether.

    The more unfriendly pesticides are that way because they are organophosphates which act as acetylcholinesterase inhibitors. Acetylcholine is a a neurotransmitter, and as any organic chemist can tell you, acetylcholinesterase is a protein that binds to choline and renders it nonfunctional, regulating the amount of choline in the synapse, and thus the activity of the neuron. An acetylcholinesterase inhibitor, in turn, binds to acetylecholinesterase, preventing it from disabling choline. When choline builds up in the synapse, it effectively locks the neuron on, preventing it from responding to incoming signals.

    As you might expect from the precise opposite of the nervous system shutting down, the symptoms of poisoning are headache, tearing, drooling, vomiting, tunnel vision, twitching, and… sweating.

    This is usually right before the heart stops.

  111. Gnoll
    September 8th, 2009 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    Okay now I like the word “lifezz” as much as anyone else but I don’t think it’s very fair to put it in the jumble. Nobody’s gonna get it right except me.

  112. codger
    September 8th, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    try not to think of marvin while you look at this.

  113. Barbara P
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    New fun game to do with the Jumble: Use all the words (BEFORE scrambling them) in a short paragraph!

    I tried Ziflez to improve my mood, but it killed my sex drive, so I took Exgony, but that made it so I couldn’t pee so I took Enflo. Now I just want a cup of Koche…

  114. Comcis Fan
    September 9th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus adult activity: Either a female consciousness-raising event as the movement finally came to the Keanes’s town 40 years late, or a Fiestaware party.

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