The Comics Curmudgeon

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The Wordy Shipmates: The Musical

Six Chix, 11/11/09

I suppose the joke of this strip is that our MC is admonishing not the audience but the actors on the necessity of turning of their cell phones, because HAW HAW THE KIDS TODAY AND THE CELL PHONES, amiright? But I’m frankly much more interested in the historic and dramaturgical significance of the largish cane being brandished by pilgrim #1 on the far left. Will he be swinging it about over the course of the show’s dance numbers, including “(The Church Ought To Be Organized On A) Congregationalist Model,” “My Goodness But I Am Very Hungry,” and “A Buckle On My Hat — What’s That About?” Or is it a vaudeville-style hook, to be used to drag off the lady pilgrim (for displaying the Sin of Pride by wearing whorish non-black-and-white clothes) or the Native American (for using all the good land)?

Apartment 3-G, 11/11/09

This is why you shouldn’t hire an aspiring Hollywood screenwriter as your PI, as he’s always trying to force the messiness of real life into his preconceptions of narrative entertainment. “Just think about it, Bobbie: what aging man doesn’t at some level yearn to recapture his lost youth via a tryst with a younger woman? And what wife doesn’t secretly worry that she won’t keep her husband’s attention as she gets older? The older, sophisticated audience we’re reaching for here will all be able to relate. And, I mean, check out the framing on these pics — see how the streetlamp serves as a spotlight on the secret lovers, isolating them in an island of illumination against a sea of darkness, symbolizing the way the whole world fades away when they’re together? It’s box office gold, baby! And once I figure out what the emotionally devastating denouement is going to be, I can guarantee that it’ll be Oscar time.” Instead, you should seek out experimental filmmakers in the tradition of Andrei Tarkovsky or Bela Tarr, who aren’t afraid to point their camera at the subject of investigation and just film his everyday activities for hours at a time.

Crock, 11/11/09

I was going to complain that Grossie’s comeback made little to no sense, but then I remembered that in the ever-shifting poorly drawn hell-world of Crock, one cannot count on one’s facial features or body parts remaining symmetrical, so it’s fully possible that “Sexy” Crock Lady Character Whose Name I Forget might from time to time have legs of wildly varying lengths or widths. But this is a universe where kneeless leg-stumps might be considered someone’s “best feature,” so I’m not sure if the punchline here is really an insult per se.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 at 10:56 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Crock, Six Chix.

275 responses to “The Wordy Shipmates: The Musical”

willethompson
November 11th, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Has anyone else noticed that Bobbie seems to be looking at the BACK of the prints? “So, the girl’s name is KODAK, you say?”
mr 12 oz can
November 11th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

in the second panal of todays mary worth she finally realizes that she has always been dr jeffs beard and she will no longer get her weekly tickle if detective scott recovers .
Chyron HR
November 11th, 2009 at 11:03 am [Reply]

“A pretty young blonde”? I’m with you, Bobbie, there’s no way he’s been taking pictures of any characters from Apartment 3-G.
Warren
November 11th, 2009 at 11:16 am [Reply]

Grossie, I hate to break this to you, since it’s almost like insulting a six-year-old girl trying on makeup, but your legs are your *only* features.
Patrick
November 11th, 2009 at 11:18 am [Reply]

I can’t for the life of me figure out why there would be a microphone on stage, facing the actors, who are just kind of lazing about on Plymouth Rock. Does that drama club regularly mount productions of some sort of bizarro holiday play/town hall mashup? Is it like American Idol, but with only one judge, who gets in the way of the performers? Have Pilgrims traveled forward in time to burn the drama teacher as a witch?

I DON’T UNDERSTAND!
zadig
November 11th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

I may be going out on a limb here, but is insulting her by saying her legs don’t match each other an obscure way of saying that she’s a total tramp (i.e., they’re always spread apart from each other)? After all, she doesn’t wear a burka like the short woman, so she is by definition already immoral.
Elliegal
November 11th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Even Adrian knows better than to let Jeff in there alone with Scott. “NO, don’t go in there! He’s…uh….SLEEPING, yes that’s it!”
MolyBendum
November 11th, 2009 at 11:27 am [Reply]

Apartment 3G – See, that’s why this PI is so good. He makes snap judgements based on stereotypes and then doesn’t bother following up. It’s classic! Next he says, “Yeah, I was going to do some more research, but I saw this black dude and I just know he was going to mug someone or break into a house or something, so I went to go chase him down, but then I just ordered a pizza instead.” It’s classic!
Esther Blodgett
November 11th, 2009 at 11:30 am [Reply]

“My legs have always been one of my best features”? It’s no surprise that a strip as carefully and cleverly drawn as Crock should spend equal time on the construction of sharp, incisive dialogue.
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 11:31 am [Reply]

Is that really a lady pilgrim, or is she maybe supposed to be some member of English royalty still sitting on a throne across the pond, what with that possibly-crownish thing on her head? And what is that bizarre piece of furniture they are sitting on, if it’s not a throne? Is this a production of Four Characters In Search Of Who Knows What?
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

9CL — It’s a day late, but I’ll say it. Thank you, Brooke, for being lovely…and for not knowing it. *snork*
Muffaroo
November 11th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

AD – New guy in town?

Crankshat – “Just ignore him… he used to work for a car dealership.” “…Yes! Nailed it! Eleven words, one punch line. Well, my career here is finished, so I’ll just pack my things and head off to oblivion. Nice working with you all. Oh, and Crankshaft? Nobody likes you.”

Dick – Dick lives in an era of miniaturization, thanks to the science genius of Diet Smith. Wrist radios and hand devices have gotten way smaller than ever before, as have wrists and hands. The race to the vanishing point is so close, they could all wink out of our sight at the same time.

Some may say this makes pleasuring oneself much harder, but they don’t know Dick.

Hägar – Ha ha, politicians. Am I right? My work here is done.

Mary – Scott’s leg hurts because whenever Adrian looked somewhere else, he was trying to gnaw it off in a woozy effort to get away from her ongoing emo surge.

My Cage – “Jaws”? So the real father of the baby is a shark? Way to go, Jeff!

Phantom – “I love you too, kids, but if I’m going to find a new mama for you guys, you’ll just slow me down! We’ll all be together again in… let’s see, seventeen months minus, um…”

Slylock – The names of these animal newborns are, respectively, “Ellie,” “Phineas,” “Sammy,” and “Tommie.”

Spidey – Pouring sand into a lock mechanism always makes it open. That’s why they finally had to take the funnel-sized holes off the tops of safes, because too many people wised up and started bringing sand to the bank, spoiling it for everybody.
Esther Blodgett
November 11th, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

MT: Is it just me, or in panel 2 does the alligator look exactly like Muttley giving one of his trademark snickers?
Muffaroo
November 11th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

Toronto @y104 – I saw a sign once that said “GO SLOW CHILDREN” to which someone had added another “GO!” at the end. Poetry, really.

Mr. O’Malley @y119 – The things that stick with me most at graveyards are the stones for young kids. The most touching memorial I remember was a sculpture of a dove, stretched out at the bottom of the stone as if it had just fallen. The ones with photos on them come in second.

Poteet @10 – It’s like a combination loveseat and credenza.

Warren @4 – Those aren’t legs. God help us, those aren’t legs.
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 11:40 am [Reply]

# 14 Muffaroo — I’ve visited a few touching little pioneer cemeteries in Iowa, partly because some such cemeteries were never plowed and still have prairie wildflowers and grasses, which I think are a more beautiful tribute to the cemetery inhabitants than mowed grass could ever be. I’ve seen a couple of broken rosebuds carved on the gravestones of small children.
AMC
November 11th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

MW – Dr. Jeff – “Yes, I need to go in and check on him Adrian. Make sure his hunky, hunky thigh is alright. Open his gown and check for numbness by running my hands up . . . . Oh, Mary, are you still here?”
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

MW — This is the kind of hospital I want to go to the next time I’m injured — the kind where random medical personnel can examine me if they feel so inclined, with no stuffy rules about consulting my own doctor first.
Smokehouse
November 11th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

You also don’t hire an aspiring Hollywood screenwriter because they’ll give a “photog” instead of pictures. Or is a “photog” just what people are calling photographs now? Damn kids today with their slang and their loud music and their complicated shoes.
Johnny Knuckles
November 11th, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

Six Chix: The hooked cane is a shepherd’s crook from the Nativity play. Lazy cell-phone-talking kid can’t be bothered getting his stories straight. Next month, the wise men will be giving the gifts of gold, frankincense, and blunderbust.
commodorejohn
November 11th, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

A3G – “No, seriously. My husband has a major midget Inuit fetish. He can’t get it up for anybody over three feet tall. I should have listened to my mother.”

AS – Scott Hillburn dares to sully Dr. Seuss. I think it’s time to hire a hitman.

BrS – *insert Zelda “rupees” joke here*

Crankshaft – I find it interesting that the lady bus driver who was introduced, um, just about a year ago, actually, has completely faded into the Greek chorus. I expect that’s what happens to anybody who spends enough time around Ed Crankshaft.

DT – I like the fact that apparently the cops just stand around twiddling their thumbs until Tracy tells them to do something.

FW – Ha ha!

Garfield – I’m just going to quietly back away now.

GT – Is that…my God, is that Zap Rowsdower on the right in panel two? How did it come to this, Zap?

HOTC – Um. Maybe he does understand the implications, after all. Well, whatever floats your boat, I guess.

JP – I would very much like for Sam’s blatant lying to earn him a beating, but since he’s one of the Beautiful People I kind of doubt that’s going to happen.

Love Is… – blatantly copping a feel of something that doesn’t even exist yet. Dear God.

Luann – Remember, girls, it’s your patriotic duty to be a skank!

MT – “Aw, nuts, it’s going after the Elrod Ball instead!”

MW – Look, seriously, Mary Worth, are you trying to fuel all the Scott/Jeff-shipping going on around here?

MC – I dunno, I’m thinking “Voodoo Chile,” myself.

RMMD – God bless you, Cue.

SM – Ooh, yay. Super-powered deus ex machinae, how we’ve missed you. Maybe Sandman could try vibrating his atoms next?

TMNT – So…as unfamiliar as I am with this franchise, I would assume that this means some ass-kicking is imminent? Or am I just being naive?
ArtisticPlatypus
November 11th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

The high school drama club probably aren’t very good, judging by the scratchmarks left on the wall by earlier audience members frenetically trying to climb out through the windows.
Hibbleton
November 11th, 2009 at 11:58 am [Reply]

As this is a high school drama club, I gotta think that it’s a production of Waiting for Godot as “Americanized” by the formerly avant guarde but now just plain drunk drama teacher. It was Lucky’s cell phone that was ringing and why’s she’s back on stage.

Otherwise, I have no clue.
AhClem
November 11th, 2009 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

#17 Poteet – As an engineer, I do that, too. I wander into random engineering offices, sit down at a computer and make changes to whatever design happens to be on there. Because I can.
Écureuil Écumant
November 11th, 2009 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

Six Chix: “A Buckle On My Hat — What’s That About?” Well, the Puritans were called “Roundheads” back in England, so I assume they needed belts on their hats so they could cinch them down to keep them from flying off in a stiff breeze or a windy session of Parliament.

Speaking of windy, I like the Elrodian emanation of that speech balloon from the elder’s ass. The audience is being admonished to keep their phones on vibrate so his melodious farts won’t be lost in the ringtones. I take it back. This isn’t Elrodian, because it makes sense.

Speaking yet further of wind, I’m confused by the word “iccolo” over the guy at the right end of the row. Is he asking for “more piccolo!” from the orchestra, or making fun of the size of the Puritan’s staff?
The Ghost of Jarrod
November 11th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

What’s so fun about Mary Worth is the utter stupidity of this conversation. I mean, obviously, Det. Hunkyhunk’s leg being numb is a really serious problem, a fact that couldn’t be made more obvious if they put in a Spider-Man style box saying so. So here’s how the conversation goes in real life.

Adrian: He’s totally fine!

Jeff: I don’t know, Adrian. A numb leg usually means aldoptheria. Do we really want this hunk of man-meat to grow a bad mustache and start hitting on my girlfriend?

Adrian: Good point, I hadn’t thought about that. I’ll start him on 3 ccs of anabuse.

Here’s how it goes in MW:

Adrian: He’s fine!

Mary: He’s fine!

Jeff: But…he’s so hot.

Adrian: Oh my god, he’s dead!

Jeff: Oh, yeah, I was going to mention that. The numb leg is a problem. Oh, god, I have no reason to live now!

Of course, I’m not complaining. The death of Det. Hunkyhunk will be hilarious, and this makes it all the more likely.
Écureuil Écumant
November 11th, 2009 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

@24 me: That would be “piccolo”, of course. While drafting this, I had to take a “p” and forgot to replace it when I was done.
AhClem
November 11th, 2009 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

#24 Écureuil Écumant -
He’s asking for more piccolo because, in the days of the Pilgrims, cowbells hadn’t been invented yet.
Binder\'s Butter Beans
November 11th, 2009 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

Um…did anyone else laugh out loud at the Family Circus this morning? I thought it was hilarious – the children entertaining themselves by hiding in the closet with Daddy’s cell phone so they could watch it “glow in the dark,” and Thel looking up from the laundry with an expression like “WTF??”

(Or whatever the Keanes think in place of “WTF.”)

Also: where is Big Daddy Keane that he doesn’t have his cell phone with him? A tryst with his girlfriend? Ordering a hit on one of the neighbors? Fight Club? Nah, nothing that interesting; he’s probably just been in the bathroom for the last hour.
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

MT: Oooh, ironic boldface in panel two; take note, kids, because Elrod has probably just reached the peak of his “meta” capabilities.

JP: Love the sequence of Sam’s facial expressions here. First, Big Buff Bodyguard startles the flinty-eyed stare right off of his face. But then in panel 3, he’s looking a bit more… interested: “Well, hul-lo sailor! Let’s check out my policy, indeed!”

SM: Because nothing makes a complicated mechanism work more smoothly than a bunch of sand…

BB: I feel much better knowing our national security is in the hands of a bunch of guys who are scared off by a four year old’s drawing of a dragon. If we’re ever invaded, we’d better hope that their troops aren’t waving crudely drawn monsters and boogie-men, because if they do, we’re screwed.

MW: Yet more evidence that Scott has no reason to be near death, other than the fact that it’s a fate preferable to a life with Adrian.

17 Poteet: Yes, that hospital is right next door to the courthouse where random ~~insurance fraud perpetrators~~ attorneys can barge in and represent you against your will. In a crossover, Dr. Jeff will try to cure Henry Sarber by sitting by his bedside and clutching his hand until he either runs away screaming (yes! cured!) or dies (damn! lost another one!).
TheDiva
November 11th, 2009 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

What kind of high school drama club puts on a Thanksgiving pageant, anyway? Isn’t that a bit third grade? (Then again, since the set seems to consist of an old couch they picked up off the road somewhere, maybe this is the best they can do.)

Cathy: So nice of Cathy to pause her endless stream of shopping angst to remember that there are people in the world who have greater concerns than how their legs look in a pair of skinny jeans. Tomorrow: arm flailing about conspicuous consumption as normal.

FW: Oh, take your service rifle to the top of a bell tower already and be done with it!

MW: Scott being hopped up on painkillers would explain a lot about last week’s strips…
Anonymous
November 11th, 2009 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

My goodness. What a mess. I know I’m just a lowly janitor (sweep, sweep) but sometimes you people are sloppy (sweep sweep). Just look. Burbon bottle, merlot bottles (sweep sweep), cigar butts, bat droppings (sweep sweep), sex toys, WWMD bracelet, goat droppings (sweep sweep), chocolate wrappers, broken shards of glass (sweep sweep), snark filters, wormwood, brimstone, links (sweep sweep), Winkerbean deodorizer, panties with the initials MW on them (sweep sweep), Potatoade bottles, wedding ring, etc, etc,…(sweep sweep)…
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

23 AhClem: Yes, and I go around and randomly teach people how to communicate more effectively and correctly. And they really love it when I do that, too.

(What would be nice, actually, would be, say, a masseuse who would just come up and give massages… or a pastry chef would inflict his goodies on me….)
Mela
November 11th, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

I’d talk about the regular comic strips, but I’m so disgusted with Batiuk’s decision to “celebrate” Veterans’ Day by giving Wally a slow decline into misery that I can’t think of anything funny. Even today’s My Cage couldn’t help. I can only hope that this thread results in so many threats of cancellations that the syndicate has no choice but to can his pompous ass. That is all.
Comcis Fan
November 11th, 2009 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

S4th: Troubling. Not only is Hilary suddenly two fonts bigger than Faye in the last panel, perhaps representing her infalted sense of self, she also seems to be losing and acquiring arms — a missing right arm in panel one, both arms present in panel two and a missing left arm, possibly both, in panel three. Is she trying to excite Wally Winkerbean or something?
Comcis Fan
November 11th, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

make that “inflated”
The Ghost of Jarrod
November 11th, 2009 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

@28 Binder\’s Butter Beans asks:

Also: where is Big Daddy Keane that he doesn’t have his cell phone with him? A tryst with his girlfriend? Ordering a hit on one of the neighbors? Fight Club?

Obviously the question is not where Bil is, but when. The answer: 1972, the last time anyone found The Family Circus entertaining.

Incidentally, aren’t cell phones the devil’s walkie-talkie?
laurie
November 11th, 2009 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

And here I thought the cane was requesting everyone to turn off their cellphones.
It doesn’t want anyone calling 911 as it yanks them all to death.

Like a herd of sheep ready for slaughter, they all are…. And that cane knows sheep.
Red Greenback
November 11th, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

A3-G: “These prints are pretty dark, but luckily the negatives you have there are nice and bright.”
6 6 Chix: Good Lord! Please don’t sing Ode to the Mall.
The Ghost of Jarrod
November 11th, 2009 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

Oh, and in re: FW: Batiuk, you’re no Garry Trudeau. Just consider the way Trudeau. Just consider the subtlety that Trudeau has handled BD’s limb-loss — he’s never descended into caricature. Things have been bleak at times, and good, but always grounded in a realistic portrayal of a man going through serious PTSD issues, one step at a time.

Batiuk has Wally “die,” then he’s magically resurrected because it turns out — funny! — that the military didn’t bother to ID the remains they said was his; he lost his wife because, you know, he was dead, and now he’s drinking himself to death because he doesn’t appear to have any support network, like, you know, family or friends or anything. And I don’t blame him, because it’s better than swimming in pathos for the rest of your life.

Seriously, Trudeau creates a difficult, realistic challenge for a character and then allows his character to deal with it in a difficult, realistic way. Batiuk heaps horror upon horror on his character until he breaks. It’s the difference between art and schlock, and frankly, at this point, FW only wishes it was as good as schlock.
White rabbit
November 11th, 2009 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

“My legs have always been one of my best features.” Shouldn’t that be “two of my best features”?

Which brings to mind the Peter De Vries gag, “Sometimes I think your right leg is the most beautiful thing in the world, and sometimes I think it’s your left leg, but lately I think the truth must be somewhere in between.”
CanuckDownSouth
November 11th, 2009 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

#32-bourbon babe Actually, when a guy on the street walks up and says they need to give X number of massages for their certification and could you come along … um, not so nice, actually.
Mibbitmaker
November 11th, 2009 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

BBlues: Noticing My Drawing Style Week continues…

Blondie: Whatever you do, Dagwood, DON’T read Baby Blues today!

GA: An African American woman in a graveyard, jitteringly jumping to a conclusion that it’s a ghost she sees, being in irrational fear and ready to run out of there. Nice to know that our culture is past ancient racist stereotypes, isn’t it?

PCity:Yeah, because the only sensible places to be are far left and far right… (eyeroll)

PBS: We already have a Non Sequitur, Pastis.

R&R: I dunno. Go ask al-Qaeda.
Father McKenzie
November 11th, 2009 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

MW- “Don’t worry. We’ll see that he gets the best care possible! Let’s start by you not going near him anymore.”
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

39. The Ghost of Jarrod
And Trudeau does it in a way that gets genuine laughs.
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

31 Anonymous: hee!

41 CanuckDownSouth: Goodness, no! I don’t want some trainee!
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

42. Mibbitmaker
ie GA: I don’t know. Maybe the fact that they can make those references shows we are past the racist stereotypes. It never even occurred to me.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
November 11th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

re: 28 “. . . in the bathroom for the last hour” slitting his wrists
Mibbitmaker
November 11th, 2009 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

46 (Sequitur): Good point there. I’ve been watching alot of 3 Stooges and classic animation uncensored, so those are ever present.

Really, she’s just an idiot.
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

# 23 AhClem — Wow. Your superpower is much more impressive than Sandman’s.

# 29 babe — Hahaha!
Anonymous
November 11th, 2009 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

…maximum strength clown diverter, rage pills (sweep sweep), dingo balls (I’ll keep those), log with chain attached, Gil Thorpe (sweep sweep), more panties with AS initials on them, even more panties with Luann and January written on them (sweep sweep), alligator harness, moo goo gai pan box, loaded diapers (ewww), Odie (sweep sweep),…
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

# 31 Anonymous — Sorry for the sloppiness, and thanks for cleaning up. I especially apologize for pinging all those M & Ms at Edda’s butt yesterday.
The Enemy
November 11th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

MW: “Look dad, he’s groggy and can’t feel his legs after being shot in the head. Let’s not bother him with doctors.”
Steve S
November 11th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

Wow, the imprecise speech bubble in Six Chix would make Jack Elrod jealous. It could be the pilgrim talking out of his butt, or it could be a giant sign tacked to stage left. Either way, Mark Trail is funnier and more coherent.
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

48. Mibbitmaker
An idiot, yeah!
By the way, how does one make a mibbit?
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 11th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

Fact: If you unfocus your eyes just a tiny bit, Grossie looks almost exactly like a butternut squash. I’m sure there’s a way to parlay “butternut squash” into some sort of filthy innuendo, but Crock doesn’t really inspire that kind of effort in me these days.
Steve S
November 11th, 2009 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Meanwhle, the dialogue in Crock reads like what you’d get if you yelled “Legs” at two of the world’s worst improv comics.
Adjuster
November 11th, 2009 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

A3G: “A blonde? My husband would never want to be seen with one of them. They’re not his type.” – The Blonde Woman.

I’m no PI, but I think I’m starting to see the reasons for Bobbie’s marital discord.
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

MT — The gator is the best character in this storyline so far, and has the best dialogue.
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

# 56 Steve S — Well, geez. Lines like that are the reason I don’t get to ride the float more often.
StriderGirl
November 11th, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

Re: Crock. I think what the tall thin lady is actually attempting to communicate in panel 1 is, “Honey, if you think those little stumpy ‘legs’ you’re so proud of can compare in even the faintest way with my dazzlingly lanky gams, you’ve obviously been huffing paint thinner under that veil of yours.”

But far be it from the Crock cartoonist to use clear English syntax when there’s a “punchline” a-lurking…
Brad the Bold
November 11th, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

BBailey: Huh? Weirdest Ms. Buxley set up, ever.

Baby blues: Online version sabotaged by a colorist who didn’t get (read) the joke.

Cathy: After an week of the Venusian foibles boot shopping, my Martian brain was numb. This Veteran’s Day tribute caught me off guard. Gets you a pass for the day.

DT: The tiger is named “Cyber”, where is this going? BTW nice unitard and man cans Barb Els.

Pluggers: … and would scare the shit out of the soldiers at Camp Swampy.

Zits: Cornea actually. But either way its not that funny.
AhClem
November 11th, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

#39 The Ghost of Jarrod -
Don’t forget Batuik’s earlier “joke”, in which Wally appears to be blown up by an IED, but as it turns out (hee hee!) it was just a video game! What a laff riot!
Alan's Addiction
November 11th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

I have but one question about today’s “Six Chix:” why is the pilgrim’s cane talking?
Supposedly the photos in today’s “Apartment 3G” are taken with a camera phone, thus proving that the writers haven’t actually used one to photograph objects more distant than, say, 20 feet. If they had, the dialogue would be; “These photos show your husband, or maybe sasquatch, or possibly even Elvis, meeting with Ms. Pacman under this lamp post. Sorry it’s all so blurry and indistinct; these might not stand up to scrutiny in divorce court. But I have some crayons right here if you want me to make a more convincing depiction of the meeting.”
Today’s “Crock” has left me massively confused. Why is Grossie even claiming to have legs? As far as I can tell, she’s the mutant sister of Grimace (the milk-shake monster-thing from the McDonald’s commercials) and has only ankles and feet. Also, it must be a pretty grim universe in which “great legs” are defined as “has obviously visible legs.”
tb4000
November 11th, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

A3G: Geez lady, what d’you think he’d want…a middle-aged blonde? Like you? With your menopause and wrinkled privates and such? What the fuck are you cryin’ for? Stupid broad.
Steve S
November 11th, 2009 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

#59 Poteet – Thanks. I was a big fan of Whose Line Is It Anyway? back in the day…
BigTed
November 11th, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

A pretty young blonde standing under a STREETlamp on the sideWALK with an oldER man? I can think of one situation in which that would make sense.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2009 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

…M&Ms (mmm, still fresh), butternut squash (I think), uncashed $1000 check from Jeopardy! (sweep sweep), raccoon droppings, Crocs (sweep sweep), Aerosquid, life insurance policy with Jefferson Cory’s name on it, cancer droppings (sweep sweep),…
Joe Blevins
November 11th, 2009 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

SIX CHIX: Say, you know what ruins the play’s historical accuracy even MORE than one of the actors carrying a cell phone? That might be climbing onto the stage (in relatively modern dress, I might add) in mid-scene and lecturing them in front of a live audience. It really takes the spectator “out of the scene,” so to speak, when you do that. I’d recommend against it. That huge “HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA CLUB” banner looming over the stage isn’t helping matters either.

CROCK: I’d like to think that Grossie’s been waiting for decades for someone to ask her what her best feature is. Finally she just decided, “Screw it. I’m just blurting it out randomly to the next person who walks near me.”

Meanwhile, though, I believe Grossie has grossly misunderstood Sexy Crock Lady’s plea for help. When she said, “I’d like you to try and match my legs,” she literally meant, “I desperately need your assistance in evening out my hideously deformed appendages. Bring sandpaper and a Christmas tree saw.”
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

56. Steve S
That is quite appropriate since today is Jonathan Winters birthday (age 84)!
willethompson
November 11th, 2009 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

(WT)DT: The tiger is named ‘Cyber? Why not just call him Mac OS 10.4?
Will
November 11th, 2009 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

29 ReallyLongName: Actually, BB might be based on fact. When Alan Shepard was Chief Astronaut, his secretary used to post either a happy Alan or a scowling Alan picture outside his office. This way, the astronauts could tell at a glance whether it was safe to approach the boss.

Also, Miss Buxley’s niece must be a fan of Trogdor.

Finally, nice to see Buxley after her unexplained and unprecedented absence last Wednesday.
Will
November 11th, 2009 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

A3G: You’re close, Alex. Pretty, check. Young, check. Blond, check. But twinks, not girls.
Uncle Ritzy Fritz
November 11th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

Six Chix:
In my mind the guy at the far right is Richie Cunningham, and he’s remembering that one night down at the hardware store when Jenny Piccolo showed up just before closing. One thing lead to another and before he knew it, she had HIS belt buckle on her hat, if you get my drift.

Wow. My mind is actually a pretty pathetic place.
Batman Beatles
November 11th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

FW – Happy Veteran’s day indeed.
Professor Fate
November 11th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

MW: “I’m a doctor! It’s slightly numb! Off with his leg!”

FW: “We were all talking about how good it would be to get a lip lock on the business end of a glock and we all thought of you.”
Farley's Revenge
November 11th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

I didn’t know we had a janitor around here. Now we know where the proceeds from the “WWMD” bracelets went…Yo! Watch out for the Big Dog droppings in the corner. There’s no broom sturdy enough to move those. I recommend a Bobcat.
dreadedcandiru2
November 11th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

39: The Ghost of Jarrod: Things are even worse than they appear for Wally; that’s because the last time he appeared, Batiuk assassinated his character by having Becky wail about how foolish she was to be attracted to a destructive rebel like him. This tells me that the Fort Hood shootings angered BatShit because it gave away the plot and made him look like he was Dick Wolf.
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

# 68 Joe Blevins — Perhaps the “HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA CLUB” banner is intended as a cry for mercy, hoping the audience won’t hurl rotten fruit, maledictions, loud raspberries, etc.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
November 11th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

75 — re MW — Scott will be lucky if all he has to deal with is an amputation. Those blood clots will kill you faster than a salmon square.
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

DT — If Fee Fi is dead, maybe they could feed him to Cyber to make it easier to get Pops out. No sense letting a really large corpse like that go to waste. I’m just sayin’.
Bootsy
November 11th, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

I think the Pilgrim Thanksgiving play has succumbed to the lamentable phenomenon of having the fall/winter holidays all blend into one season. In a minute, he’ll switch to his Joseph (stepfather of Baby Jesus) costume, and the big crook staff will make all the sense in the world. Then, the actor playing Baby Jesus will put on a sash that says “2010″ and he’ll become baby New Year.

Well, in the world of vodka it makes sense.
Katey
November 11th, 2009 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

I think the pilgrim’s cane is for beating his children and wife.
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 11th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

Hey guys! There’s a trending topic on Twitter now called “celebrity perfumes.” I thought I might take it here. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

“Next Year” by Gil Thorp.
“Cleavage” by Eduardo Barreto.
“Vague” by Herb and Jamaal.
“Grisly Demise” by Dick Tracy. (Generous tones of blood, with subtle notes of gunpowder and batshit.)
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

# 83 Nanny — Ooh! Ooh!

“Penetrating” by Rex Morgan
“Overwhelmed” by Amos
“Captured” by Sassy
Calico
November 11th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

#83 –
For Mary Worth, “Eau de Salmon.”
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

#83 “Bold, by Elrod”
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

“Repression,” by Sarge
Calico
November 11th, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

#71 – Yes, I was concerned that Miss Buxley had finally run off with Miss Blips, never to be seen again.
Welcome back, Buxley
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO" Guy
November 11th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

#83 – “Frustration,” by Brad de Groot.
“Crushing Despair,” by Funky Winkerbean
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

#83: “The Smell of Death” – Tom Batiuk
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO" Guy
November 11th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

Also from the Mary Worth line: “Meddlesome,” “Biddyful,” and “Intervention.”
Calico
November 11th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

“Flop Sweat”, by Mr. Wilson
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO" Guy
November 11th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

“TMI,” by Edda.

“Hostility,” by A FRIEND OF MINE’S PET BEAR!
UncleJeff
November 11th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

#83
“Me” by Lynn Johnston
“No. Me” by Brooke McEldowny
Red Greenback
November 11th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

“Bodacious” by Smith & Google
“Urge” by Scaduto
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

“Crap” by Marvin
UncleJeff
November 11th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

#83
“A watery substance that smells like something” by Herb and Jamaal
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

“Pepperoni” by Dagwood
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

“Condescension,” by Ian Cameron
“Rage,” by Margo Magee
“Second Best,” by Tommie Thompson
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

“Pancakes” by Mark Trail
These Strange Worlds
November 11th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

“Beautiful Zombie” from Liberty Meadows

“Canadian Reboot” from FBOFW

“Toothless Warrior” from Beettle Bailey

“Listless Sandtrap” from Crock

“Young Eternal” from Peanuts

“Wrecked Perspective” from Mark Trail

“Lost Pants” by Ziggy

“Tight and Striped” from the Phantom

“Draw Me: by Shylock Fox
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO" Guy
November 11th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

“Bland” and “Resignation” by Elizabeth Patterson.
“THAT OLD EAU” by Mark Trail.
“Oedipal Horror” by Momma.
Red Greenback
November 11th, 2009 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

“Poodle Ass” by Marmaduke
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

“Equine Passion,” by Godiva
Chyron HR
November 11th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

“Writing” by Batiuk
Calico
November 11th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

#105 – Wait –
“Serious” by Batuik
Calico
November 11th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

“Lasagna” by Garfield
(OK that was too easy, but still…)
Red Greenback
November 11th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

“Clone” by Keane
True Fable
November 11th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

“Chick Magnet” by Sam Driver
“Wednesdays” by Miss Buxley
“Remote” by Spider-Man
H-Bob
November 11th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

#63: “Also, it must be a pretty grim universe in which “great legs” are defined as “has obviously visible legs.” Last winter, on a really cold day in Denver, when every woman was all bundled up and thereby preventing any ogling of women, it occurred to me that in life in Islamic countries was one lacking the minor pleasure of looking at attractive women ! Faced with such a grim existence, no wonder militant Moslems do not fear death !
Brad the Bold
November 11th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

“Unrequited” – By B.Bailey

“Coliform” by Marvin (Eau de toilet of course!)

“Oedipus” by Francis Hobbs

“Squicky” by DeGroot
UncleJeff
November 11th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

“Ha Ho Hee” by Mr. Pops
True Fable
November 11th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

“GOAT!”
queek
November 11th, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

“Egoiste LA” by LaCuc
Crankenstank
November 11th, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

What is that thing the pilgrims are sitting on, anyway? It looks like a vintage Ford Puritan 500 with the deluxe trim line, hidden away underneath a dust cover.
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO" Guy
November 11th, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

“Smug” by Sally Forth.
“Loseur” by Jon Arbuckle.
“Perfume . . . of a Sort” by Delilah.
Calico
November 11th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

#113 – Smells good!
: )

“Squishy” by Norm Platypus

“#*%&#^@!” By Bobbie Merrill
Uncle Lumpy
November 11th, 2009 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

“Eau-oh” by Tracy
“Unplugged” from the House of Brookins
“Submission” by Urban Margo
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

113. True Fable
WHERE?!
odinthor
November 11th, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

“Eau My Spleen,” by Winky.
Uncle Lumpy
November 11th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

“Les Ciseaux de Bonne,” by Mlle. Ruthie
Red Greenback
November 11th, 2009 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

“Where’s the Prime Rib?” by Foobergé
Chyron HR
November 11th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

“The Far Side” by Argyle Sweater
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO" Guy
November 11th, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

“Burning Nostalgia” and “Forever Six,” by Calvin and Hobbes.
“Forgotten” by Lyman.
“Usurped” by Barney Google.
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

“Flatulence” by Crankshaft
“Michelle Me” by Curtis
UncleJeff
November 11th, 2009 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

#83: “Yes. No, not now” by Luann
GotFuzzy
November 11th, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

Domination, by Margo
Toilet Water, by Tommie
Pressed Flowers/Repressed Memories, by Lu Ann
Punch Drunk, by Mark Trail
Chaste, by Cherry Trail
Ironic Demise, by Dick Tracy
It Smells Funny, by Mr. Pops
Obsession, by Les Moore
Daddy’s Girl, by Summer Moore
UncleJeff
November 11th, 2009 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

#83:
“Saigon Memories” by Dr. Jeff Corey (can also be used as an antiseptic)
Anonymous
November 11th, 2009 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

Hey! What’s with all the broken perfume bottles? Smells like a turd in here…(sweep, sweep)
UncleJeff
November 11th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

#83
“Get the Hell Away From Me” by “Acquaintences of Les Moore” (smells like MACE but at a cheaper price)
Susan
November 11th, 2009 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

“Smirk” by Les Moore

“Cancer Musk” by Lisa Moore

“Ugly” by Adrian Cody

“Bed Sore” by Scott Hewlett

“Jiggle” by Judge Parker

“Nosebleed” by Brooke McEldowney

“Rear Window” by Sarge

“Concussion” by Mark Trail

“Blorg” by Curtis

“Self Loathing” by Tommie

“BEER” by Wally Winkerbean
littlestevie
November 11th, 2009 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

I just read that a Gallup poll ranked the state of Ohio 47th out of 50 states on a happiness scale. I am suprised that they ranked even that high, the way Batiuk portrays the denizens of the great state of Ohio.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2009 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Gallup pole? Isn’t that what Godiva uses?
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

“Stinkbug” by B. Racoon
B. Racoon
November 11th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

134 bourbon babe, unbuckled – Yes.
By the way, I’m available (wink, wink).
Jamus the Bartender
November 11th, 2009 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

” Mine Now” by Cassandra Cat
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 11th, 2009 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

Ha ha! Nice ones, guys! How about:

Malapropism, by the Keanes.
gnome de blog
November 11th, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

” ” by Lu Ann Powers
“Swish” by Ted Forth
“Wascawy” by Elmer Fudd
gnome de blog
November 11th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

Maybe Wally isn’t planning to drink himself to death. Maybe he’s just planning to drink. Actually, setting out to drink himself blotto and making a big ritual out of it isn’t something an alcoholic would do.
Mibbitmaker
November 11th, 2009 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

#54 (Sequitur): How does one make a mibbit?

With a pen and paper, of course.
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 11th, 2009 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

“Deformed,” by Rusty Trail.
“Crib,” by Cue.
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

135 B. Racoon: Do you have enough merlot to make me forget about this stack of papers in front of me? If so, let’s talk. =-) (I might even dab on a little “Stinkbug”….)
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

“Metastasize” by Lisa
“Willing” by Tommie
“Eager” by Tiffany
Susan
November 11th, 2009 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

@ 143 Poteet

LMAO @ “Metastasize” by Lisa
Antiquated Tory
November 11th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

Pibgorn: I’ve just started reading it. Is Roger a Mary Sue?
Mibbitmaker
November 11th, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

Kangaroo by Aldo

Unrecognizable by Albert Pinkham Ryder

Fantasy by Snoopy

Depression by Charlie Brown

Pompous by Chinbeard

Scribbles by Stantis

Heavy Lids by Doonesbury

Mtigwaki by Johnston

Zippers Mule by Margo

Swanbreak by Ritzilla
GotFuzzy
November 11th, 2009 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

Oh, and I forgot to say that I would totally see “The Wordy Shipmates: The Musical.” Sarah Vowell rules!
Mibbitmaker
November 11th, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

Potrzebie by Mad

Typeface by Barnaby

Religious by Hart
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

BiPartisan, by Stantis
Misandry, by Danae
Futility, by Sgt. Lugg
queek
November 11th, 2009 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

145: good question. He isn’t, imo, and isn’t nearly the Author Avatar that Amos in 9CL is, either. Drusilla is the better candidate for Mary Sue status, that gal can do pretty much anything, it seems.

and she looks good in her skin. ;-)

PS @ 123: YES! (Hilburn, you plageristic HACK!)
Old School Allie Cat
November 11th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

“Disarming” by Becky Winkerbean
“Armed and Dangerous” by Wally Winkerbean
“Enormous” by Toeby
“Pompous” by Ian
tb4000
November 11th, 2009 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

Luann: To be honest, there is nothing a soldier craves more when he gets back to the states than a skanky American ho bag. And I’m not being a smart ass, I honestly think that is what most of them crave.
queek
November 11th, 2009 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

“Black Orchid” by Basil

“Tommy Girl” is another real fragrance that pretty much snarks itself.
Uncle Lumpy
November 11th, 2009 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

“Désordre”, de la Maison du Jumble.
Red Greenback
November 11th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

“Dimethyltryptamine” by Ballard Street
B. Racoon
November 11th, 2009 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

142 bourbon babe, unbuckled – There’s about two cases of this around. Would that help ma chérie?
zerowolf
November 11th, 2009 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

Why would the alligator pay any attention to Sassy when it’s about to take a big bite of delicious Jackel Rod?
zerowolf
November 11th, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

FC: You better stay in the closet, coming out of the closet will not be tolerated at the Keane Kompound.
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

Drabble. Couldn’t we say the punch line about any Pluggers?
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

“Illusions” by Adrian
“Delusions” by Gertie
zerowolf
November 11th, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

Luann: Tif’s a pretty fast mover. She’s already got him naked.
Sequitur
November 11th, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

“Huh?” by any Plugger

161. zerowolf
Tiff will probably squirrel up the whole deal by saying something like “How about a little leg action there, Lightning?”
gnome de blog
November 11th, 2009 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

145 Antiquated Tory – If you like jejune fantasies, fairy porn, torture and gore leavened with pomposity and incomprehensible plotting, dive right in. Otherwise, save yourself the trouble. It’s 9 Chickweed Lane on steroids.
anonymous
November 11th, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

Six Chix: That cane thing has to be a shepherd’s crook for herding sheep, but did the Pilgrims bring sheep over? I don’t think so! Sheep are fragile things. If they did bring sheep, they must have died before The Big Thanksgiving Feast or else we would all be eating a side order of lamb with The Big Stinking Turkey. (and if the sheep died, or there were no sheep – WTF did a Pilgrim need a shepherd’s crook for??? This is the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night.) Someone e-mail Six Chix and find out?
Vince M
November 11th, 2009 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

161: I pictured Tiffany saying “So you lost a leg? Well, at least you’ve still got two more.” I’ve been hanging around here too long.
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

156 B. Racoon: Let’s see…. about 12 more essays, at about 45 minutes each…. Yep: Two cases should just about do it! (And: Mmmmm…. Oregon wine….)
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 11th, 2009 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

151 Old School Allie Cat –
Disarming? Bwahahahahaha!
hmm
November 11th, 2009 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

how about …. most of these aren’t even remotely funny by “Knock it Off”
B. Racoon
November 11th, 2009 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

bourbon babe @166 – Ah, you are quite thorough in your endeavors. Quite like myself. Your students don’t realize what a treasure they have with you as their instructress. Here, have another glass. I think you will like my thoroughness.
Jimmyleg Jehosephat
November 11th, 2009 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

They could have a lot of fun over at Judge Parker if only they’d introduce the character of D’Vito’s son, Danny.
Écureuil Écumant
November 11th, 2009 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

“Honeystump” by Curtis
“Nuts For You” by Mutts
“Freefall” by Aldo
“EvansEssence” by Luann
“True Grit” by Sandman
“Castaway” by Rex
“Diabolical” by Bil
“Shake A Leg” by Scott
“Oh Deer” by Cherry
“Horny” by Hagar
“Serpent’s Tooth” by Shaft
“My Tie” by Dilbert
“Treehugger” by Ms. Buxley
“Wordless” by Lio
“Kiss Me” by Faye
“Pampered” by Marvin
“Taint” by Jeremy
“Pomp and Circumference” by Thorax
“Unchained” by Sassy
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

169 B. Racoon: Oh, my… ((blushes))
Sheila Sternwell
November 11th, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

My stars. Josh, I just had a moviegasm over your A3G commentary.

And I agree the pilgrim’s cane is a shepherd’s hook, and I know this because I played way too much Ultima: Quest of the Avatar on my NES in the 90s.
Donald the Anarchist
November 11th, 2009 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

6-C Well, MY high school’s drama club would have been mortified to put on some lame-ass “holiday play” with the compulsory parental attendance etc. However, my cousin’s HS felt that putting on “Funky Winkerbean: the Musical” wasn’t beneath their dignity so I guess it takes all kinds.

A-3G Unless some form of genital contact was captured on camera, I think blackmail potential is pretty minimal. Unless he’s a Hasidic Jew, I don’t think speaking to another woman counts as anything other than conversation, streetlight or no.

Crock Step off, you lesbian hussy! Grossie don’t swing that way…
Sheila Sternwell
November 11th, 2009 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

#139 gnome de blog: I suspect the two 6-packs thing was supposed to just indicate Wally drinks too much, or possibly set the reader up for thinking Wally is gonna have some friends over and then SURPRISE he’s not. But only new readers to FW would get suckered by that. The rest of us know better.

Six Chix: The lady on the right is apparently supposed to be a Native American. Now, call me crazy, but when I think “Native American” I don’t think “long lavender dress.”
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

175 Sheila Sternwell: Perhaps she’s a Native American from the little-known Charterstone tribe—you know, the tribe that traditionally gathers around the sacred pool, fishes for salmon, and dyes their clothing lavender, mauve, and orange; other tribes would mock them until faced with their fierce and terrifying meddling–I mean, wouldn’t you cower in terror with a horde of platitude-screeching, white-haired warriors in hot pursuit of your personal problems?
mr 12 oz can
November 11th, 2009 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

id rather attend a cathy convention then read anymore perfume names but heres mine – QUEENIE -LAME DETECTIVE
gnome de blog
November 11th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

175 Sheila Sternwell

I agree that Batiuk is telling us Wally’s got a problem. I don’t think he’s telling us Wally’s “drinking himself to death,” as a number of folks have said (perhaps in jest, or exasperation).

I read it this way: Wally went to the store and bought frozen food and a six-pack, then decided one sixer might not be enough. He went home and closed the shades. Back in my drinking days I would never have made that big a deal out of it. I would have bought a couple of six-packs (or maybe three), gone home and cracked one open – or popped one on the way – without thinking too much about it. I got drunk every day for 17 years without ever doing it intentionally. Wally’s acting like he’s setting out to get shit-faced, maybe because it’s Veteran’s Day or something. That’s something “Normies” are more likely to do than alcoholics, at least in my not inconsiderable experience.
kkarenb
November 11th, 2009 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

Teau de Camel – Toby Cameron
thatquietkid
November 11th, 2009 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

“Nude” by Jeffy
B. Racoon
November 11th, 2009 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

gnome de blog @178. I best not offer you any merlot. Besides, bourbon babe is doing quite nicely, thank you.

I have an idea the cartoon perfumes will be popping up like MAD marginals.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 11th, 2009 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

Luann: So Tiffany is ahead of the other three in kindness. Or she’s better than you’d think at looking past superficial details. Or she’s a closet amputee fetishist. I guess any one of these would count as “hidden depths.”

9CL: Haha. F-sharp minor. F. As in “fucking.” Get it?

A&J: It’s kind of melancholy knowing there’s only one WW1 veteran still alive in the US. I actually met and talked with one on the bus about twenty years ago, and he was a very spry and sharp gentleman. Time flies.

Ziggy: What? Are the actual mice using the catnip mouse as a kind of rodent Realdoll? It’s the world of Ziggy, so I wouldn’t be too surprised.

GT: Maybe Danny’s an outcast in prison because he refuses to grow a mullet. My guess is that the bald guy is cheering for him, if only in his heart.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 11th, 2009 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

FC: Joke’s on them. Daddy only has the one phone, and he took it to work. His new Taser, on the other hand…
Anonymous
November 11th, 2009 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

…a rubber band, a stale donut (sweep sweep), a Funion (they still make those?),… Oh shit. I’m not kidding. Farley’s Revenge @76 was right. I hope Josh left out the Bobcat. This is gonna cost him extra. Is that a naked Jeffy behind the giant pile of crap?
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

# 184 Anonymous — I am intrigued by your dedication, o sweeper of debris. Do you have another name?
Farley's Revenge
November 11th, 2009 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

#184 Anonymous: Yep, you were warned. As for Jeffy, hell, for all we know, he’s been adding to the pile.

You should bill extra for the Hazmat suit you needed to rent.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2009 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

Eh, Poteet is it? Well, You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, or you can call me Johnny or you can call me Sonny, or you can call me RayJay, or you can call me RJ… but ya doesn’t hafta call me Johnson.
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 11th, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

181 B. Racoon: Yes.
Uncle Ritzy Fritz
November 11th, 2009 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

“Prison Lure” by Tiffany
“Rack Oblivious” by Dagwood
“Drunken Brit” by Andy Capp
“Pere de Scott” by Dr. Jeff
Gabacho
November 11th, 2009 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

# 30 TheDiva says:

MW: Scott being hopped up on painkillers would explain a lot about last week’s strips…

I hate to disagree with you but actually Karen Moy hopped up on painkillers would explain a lot about last week’s strips…
Sheila Sternwell
November 11th, 2009 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

#178 gnome: I agree, absolutely. Drinking was a big hobby of mine when I was in my 20s and it was never about hiding out. None of the alcoholics I’ve known ever hid it unless there were other circumstances, i.e. they were driving or they were at work. Hiding while drinking is such a Tennessee Williams thing; only lace-garbed old spinsters who are secretly downing the last of the cooking sherry would hide behind closed curtains.

There are multiple reasons to explain Batiuk’s stupidity with this bit of Wallydom. Maybe he just can’t operate outside the comfortable walls of stereotype and cliche. Perhaps closing the curtains was supposed to mean Wally just wants to be alone rather than he specifically wants to drink alone. It’s probably futile to even try to guess what Batiuk’s real intentions are, as what he attempts to create doesn’t jibe with the reality of his creations.
Paddy
November 11th, 2009 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

Is it just me or does today’s Six Chix look like someone drew it with their feet? Then again, that’s how Crock looks everyday.
Poteet
November 11th, 2009 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

# 187 Anonymous — Thanks, RJ. I can tell that you’re a handy man.
Slylock Foxy
November 11th, 2009 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

No clever remarks (as usual, actually); I just wanted to say that I laughed harder at Josh’s pilgrim song titles than I’ve laughed at anything on the internet in at least a week. “My Goodness But I Am Very Hungry” slayed me.
Danny Boy
November 11th, 2009 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorpe – Do cons really refer to themselves as “hooligans”. Is Andy Hardy his cell mate? Where are the Bowery Boys? Jeepers, I hope the screws aren’t too hard on the fellahs.
Esther Blodgett
November 11th, 2009 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

Emasculated by Rocky Ledge
Hammered by Wally Winkerbean
Gatorbait by Sassy
Macabre by Lio
Gee, Your Fur Smells Terrific by Pluggers
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
November 11th, 2009 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

L’Eau de Grand Concourse by Little A.
Aviatrix
November 12th, 2009 at 12:39 am [Reply]

Maybe Wally just likes a little one-armed porn surfing with his beer, and he needs to close the curtain to keep the sunlight glare off the screen.
Chip Whittle
November 12th, 2009 at 12:41 am [Reply]

So you suppose when this Family Circus first ran like 35 years ago the kids were gathered to look at Dad’s radium-painted watch hands?

I appreciate that Ronaldinho Gaucho is supposed to be a daily dose of soccer twee but the implied claim of world unity through football seems at odds with the soccer riots and occasional Latin American war breaking out over it.

See, Chuckle Brothers is funny today because it makes sure a photographer talked in an unnatural and stilted way to make the security guard confused.

Hey, Dog Eat Doug is in the opening sequence of Peabody’s Improbable Squirrel History! I love those segments!
wynne
November 12th, 2009 at 12:44 am [Reply]

I’m digging the accurate description of the pilgrims there (”Buckles on my hat? What’s that all about?”). It’s about time everybody learned that their first grade teacher lied to them about those dumb buckles and cranberries and happy coexistence at the First Thanksgiving.
gnome de blog
November 12th, 2009 at 12:47 am [Reply]

181 B. – The offer would be politely declined. I have nothing against drinking, unless it’s me (or others like me) doing it.

191 Sheila – I think Wally having, or developing, a drinking problem is entirely plausible. It may even be his road to salvation. That said, I fully support 39 Ghost of Jarrod’s analysis.
CanuckDownSouth
November 12th, 2009 at 1:17 am [Reply]

FW’s doing a slamming-door = flashback. If this turns into a “Wally hurts/kills someone he loves due to PTSD” thing, I … I’ll … arrgh. I don’t have the time. Or the energy. Or the *years* of liking the comic. This isn’t FOOB and I’m not going to go around drawing up comicverse fixes just because they go off the rails.

Oh, and Batiuk? Wally’s kids not being part of his life, his old friends and his ex-wife not talking about how he’s doing and what can be done to make his better? That not “writing”. It’s sociopathy.
Toronto
November 12th, 2009 at 1:18 am [Reply]

“Ferretmoans” – by Bucky Cat
True Fable
November 12th, 2009 at 1:35 am [Reply]

#119 Sequitur – In my world, goats are everywhere. But I suppose I should have stuck to seeing them in comic strip.
NotThatGuy
November 12th, 2009 at 1:39 am [Reply]

Tomorrowthread – MT: Rusty does not merely occupy the Uncanny Valley, he defines it. //shiver//
KarMann
November 12th, 2009 at 2:08 am [Reply]

11/12 Dinette Set: Is this a rerun, or does the artist (loosely speaking) not realize that there’s no longer a West Berlin? It’s clearly listed on the flight board in the background.
Then again, it also lists a “Tokoyo”.
KarMann
November 12th, 2009 at 2:19 am [Reply]

@True Fable: If you don’t normally read Rubes, read it today!
KarMann
November 12th, 2009 at 2:24 am [Reply]

11/12 Strange Brew: Nice H.P. Lovecraft shout-out today!
True Fable
November 12th, 2009 at 2:34 am [Reply]

Canadian Zombie Elly has 104 degree fever, so what does Dr. John Patterson do? Why, he leaves his wife fully clothed in the kitchen instead of (1) taking her to a hospital (2) putting her in a cool bath or shower to bring down the temp while he dials the doctor (3) at least putting her to bed with some medicine to bring down the fever.

Now I realize that Lynn Johnston is well-known for leaving her readers to fill in between the panels (”Oh! Well, John was off getting the car warmed up/ drawing her a cool bath/ turning down the bed/ getting some Tylenol Cold/ masturbating as usual”) because she is TOO FUCKING LAZY to tell a story on the actual panels themselves, but this is beyond that. This is 104 degree temperature! People with temps that high are not going to be thinking about going to classes after getting everything at home ready for her absence. They are going to at least be miserable and hello, FEVERISH and likely talking a little out of their heads. A natural whiner like Elly SURE as hell wouldn’t be up still functioning. She should be feeling the effects of having an oven turned on in her body.

Bullshit, Lynnie Baby! BULL SHIT.
True Fable
November 12th, 2009 at 2:36 am [Reply]

#207 KarMann – GOAT!! Goats standing around schmoozing!

Thanks! You’re right, I usually leap right over Rubes.
Victory Garden
November 12th, 2009 at 2:39 am [Reply]

I’ve spent time in hospitals on both sides now (clouds in my coffee) and one thing is for damn sure they DON’T let men lie in the hospital beds shirtless. You have to have one of those gowns on the entire time. Dude probably has a urinary catheter, so he can’t wear pants or skivvies either — so the robe would be his only hope. Unless Tiff stole it.
Lucky
November 12th, 2009 at 2:44 am [Reply]

Dick Tracy – And then Barb whipped out a laptop and started cybering. Not what anyone expected, but it’ll have to do.

Fred Basset – Oh you’re not special. Snoopy did that all the time in the 50s.

Pluggers – Pluggers are drug runners. Very inept drug runners.

Ziggy – Universal health insurance causes paper cuts. Wake up America!!!!111
True Fable
November 12th, 2009 at 3:03 am [Reply]

Sam Driver, Chick Magnet and Ack Master Poor Sam. Will he get a chance to lie his way into Mrs. Hot D’vito’s embrace (because lord knows he won’t lie in anything after that, not Pure Faithful Sammy) or even get a chance to be seen by her (before he turns blue from lack of oxygen)? Well, ACKKK away, Chick Magnet. We all know she’ll fall for you. Happens all the time.

Fist O Justice Theater This Just In: Rusty’s head increasingly enlarges after he wakes up. Oh my. Jackelrod, WHAT are you trying to tell us?

Kit Walker, Bullshit Ranger Yeah right. Your kids aren’t buying your little ’story’ either. If Chulu or Chutu or whoever he is can find Diana, he ought to be able to track the kids down too. Y’all weren’t exactly careful about hiding the fact that you were the Walkers when you went gadding about buying seaplanes last year, and even in the jungle, people talk about the two starkly blonde teens in diapers running around the jungle with a woman wearing leopard-print sarongs who look Just Like their UN ambassador. Yeah, the kids know you’re planning to head out of town until the heat’s off and they’re dead. And they’re pissed.
KarMann
November 12th, 2009 at 3:21 am [Reply]

Longer Rubes (with no claim to originality whatsoever):
Second Billy: G’day, Billy!
First Billy: Oh, Hello Billy!
Third Billy: How are you Billy?
First Billy: A bit crook, Billy.
Second Billy: Where’s Billy?
First Billy: He’s not ‘ere, Billy.
Third Billy: Blimey, it’s hot in here, Billy.
First Billy: Hot enough to boil a monkey’s bum!
Second Billy: That’s a strange expression, Billy.
later…
First Billy: Is your name not Billy?
Truman: No, it’s Truman.
Second Billy: That’s going to cause a little confusion.
Third Billy: Mind if we call you “Billy” to keep it clear?
True Fable
November 12th, 2009 at 3:26 am [Reply]

#214 KarMann – lol! Eeeeeeeeemanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable….!
ChattyGenes
November 12th, 2009 at 3:47 am [Reply]

Thursday PBS. I’m an “overer,” myself. I find “underer”-TP-changers somewhat annoying. Though I must admit they’re better than the “use-the-last-of-the-roll-and-don’t replace-it-ers.”

And now, back to schoolwork.
True Fable
November 12th, 2009 at 3:47 am [Reply]

According to World News Now (favored by us nightowls!), more and more men are wearing Mangagement Rings – engagement rings for men. So pony up, Adrian! Scott’s going to expect his share of bling. He’s not classy enough to ask for goats.
ChattyGenes
November 12th, 2009 at 3:59 am [Reply]

#217 True Fable. There are actually men who wear “Mangagement” Rings?! I’ll bet they’re canceled out by all the married men who don’t wear their wedding rings. (Mr. ChattyGenes’ ring is currently perched on one of the fingers of the sculpture of her hand that Daughter #2 made in high school. At least we know where it is.)
Sheila Sternwell
November 12th, 2009 at 4:02 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp: I’m going to start spelling the name of this strip out instead of using “GT”, since it appears those stealthy silent e’s are starting to creep back in ’round here.

Anyhow, I think Marty is drinking again, because someone replaced his headset microphone with a Putt Putt golf club and he didn’t even notice.

MW: Sure, we all know that the characters’ faces change from panel to panel; frankly, it’s to be expected. But this is the first time I’ve seen Adrian drawn to look like Alla Nazimova. I’m not particularly comfortable with this.

Cap’n Stripeyshorts: Their mother dies, so of course the best thing to do is tell them they’ll be moving far away to a strange place, and that you — their only living parent — are leaving them for some unspecified amount of time. I see no way this could go wrong.
MolyBendum
November 12th, 2009 at 4:20 am [Reply]

Apartment 3G “Did you have a bad day” is the kind of insightful probing question that earned Ari his starting gig as an untrained temporary psychiatrist.

Beetle Haha, it’s funny because he’s making a factual statement on the nutritive value of an inexpensive staple of American cuisine in lieu of doing the work he’s been ordered to do. Funny, funny stuff.

Bizarro ”I’m here for your ho. Hoho.”

Dick Tracy Locher gets paid to do 3 stories a year. THREE! And he ain’t gonna wrap this one up until he’s damn well wrung his $14.95 out of it.

Herb & Jamaal ”Yeah baby, I wanna slide my blood-engorged flesh pole into your folds of wet, sensitive skin. We will do the dance we daren’t name from when the white orb slashes the night until that big ball of flame rockets, rockets, rockets into the sky!”

Well. I guess non-specificity works when they’re fucking.

Mary Worth As Adrian spoke the words “…a lifetime’s worth”, she realized her time in the mortal world was done and she turned back into a mannequin.

Pearls Gratuitous goat violence notwithstanding, Rat has a point. Underers are evil and must be stopped at any cost. I am tempted to grin maniacally as I beat my girlfriend over the head every damn time I walk in the bathroom and have to turn the toilet paper roll the right way. This is the single biggest threat facing our country now that the cows are safely put away in Guantanamooooooooo.

Snuffy Smith Now I don’t know what’s funny because they didn’t bold the punchline for me.
Jason1981
November 12th, 2009 at 4:32 am [Reply]

11-12

Curtis: Don’t worry, Curtis’s mom who’s name I don’t even care to remember, the neighbors will only think you’re an idiot because you think healthy food has to taste like crap. (you know, there ARE other ways to cook chicken besides “fried” )

reFOOB: “But I don’t wanna stay home..I wanna go to school so I can pretend that I’m actually learning something!”

Luann: With the way the soldier’s looking at Tiff, I think something other than his morale just went up.

Worthless: “In the brief time we spoke we said a lifetime’s worth!” Good, that means you can shut the f**k up from now on.
KarMann
November 12th, 2009 at 5:17 am [Reply]

11/12 Luann: Good thing Evans remembered at the last moment to insert the words “run after” into the second panel’s “one of the first things I want to do is you.”
Mr. O'Malley
November 12th, 2009 at 6:06 am [Reply]

Bizarro: Considering that celebrating Christmas was considered a criminal offense under Puritan rule, this is even more appropriate than the old “Christmas stuff on sale, it’s not even Thanksgiving!” complaint would suggest. Although I’m mildly POd that the local Walgreens transitioned directly from the Halloween aisle to the Christmas aisle on Nov. 1.

FOOB: 104 degrees is a pretty serious fever when measured in Celius.

FW: So Wally isn’t watching porn after all, he’s watching some guy wail the blues. Blues and beer—it seems almost normal. He should have stopped by the barbecue joint to pick up some ribs on the way home. A perfect evening for a single guy.

Or maybe he’s got the blues because the only takeout food in Winkerbeanville is the two sorry pizza joints, which is why he has to eat TV dinners. (Do they even have “TV dinners” any more? Maybe they have become “BluRay dinners” nowadays?)

He probably closed the shades because anything other than marching band music is looked down on in those parts.

GA: I don’t see it as a racial stereotype, but more as a stupidity stereotype. Black characters are introduced into the strip, which is probably good in creating more diversity on the comics page. But once in, despite the fact that they are better drawn, they still have to participate in the same inane hijinks that the rest of the characters do. I’m pretty sure Slim would have reacted the same way.

JP/Cathy crossover!

Pluggers: What customs inspector would ever suspect an innocent-looking chicken/human hybrid?

RMMD: Leading the retro life is getting tougher and tougher …
Trilobite
November 12th, 2009 at 6:17 am [Reply]

A few words about Thursday’s comics:

Judge Parker: Even in the realm of Judge Parker, justice must occasionally be done. And so it came to be that the mighty golem known as Sam Driver, having grown accustomed to always getting his way without ever having to lift an eyebrow or even change his expression, finally met a giant steroidal freak who just CHOKED THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF HIM. This guy is my new hero! This is the best Judge Parker strip ever printed that doesn’t feature a scantily-clad woman!

Mark Trail: Most people look their worst when they wake up in the middle of the night, but not Rusty…no, when he comes out of a deep and uncomfortable sleep on the damp ground of a fetid swamp, he looks more human than he ever has before in his entire life. But by the time he’s putting on his shirt, his head is already beginning to wither, and just a few moments later his hair has reverted to its normal tangled mess, his face has regained all its troll-like properties, and he’s as hideous as ever. Mark, please, take the hint: return the poor boy to his native mud, where the decomposing plant matter will apparently grant him eternal youth. It’s just cruel to make him try to live in our world.

Mary Worth: Are we absolutely certain that Adrian is a doctor who treats patients? Because joking that the words you exchanged with your nearly-departed fiance were “a lifetime’s worth!” is the sort of thing you’d expect from a doctor who works exclusively in the morgue. Further evidence: her haircut could only exist in a workplace where no one is alive and capable of asking her just what the HELL she was thinking.
bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
November 12th, 2009 at 8:54 am [Reply]

A3G: “Did you have a bad day? Because I have some pills that might help—perhaps followed by a nice cocktail?”

MT: I predict punching by Tuesday.

JP: Okay, Sam’s a dick; it’s just his standard operating procedure. And we all know that he’s a little… dim, too. But you’d think he’d have just enough brains in that chiseled head of his to figure out that he needs to modulate his dickishness when interacting with large, impatient, suspicious bodyguards.

GF: I’m finding that ferret award very… distracting, especially in panel 3.

Zits: Enthusiastic, youthful, energetic high spirits? My god, the boy must be on something!

SM: An alarm, in a bank?! Why, it’s almost as if they want to keep their money!

MW: I’m no doctor, but if I’m ever the victim of multiple ~~scrapes and small cuts~~ gunshot wounds, I kind of hope that someone will assess my condition pretty thoroughly the first time around.

MT: Rusty is hideous, of course. But any kid who gets taken on a “fun” fishing trip that features gun-toting poachers, mysterious night-time head-clonkers, and the continued possibility that gators will eat his puppy earns the right to look a little haggard.
Pozzo
November 12th, 2009 at 9:06 am [Reply]

So Riff from “West Side Story” has taken up photography, eh? Guess gang warfare doesn’t pay as well as it used to.
Bryan
November 12th, 2009 at 9:45 am [Reply]

Beetle Bailey: You peel potatoes in the Army. How old is that cliche? Are there any former Amry people around here that can verify this? Do people still peel potatoes in the modern Army?
Judge Parker:/b> Yes! Snap his neck like a twig!
Sally Forth: Tween lesbian subtext, nooo!
Spider-man: Because nothing newsworthy ever happens in New York.
C. Havoc
November 12th, 2009 at 10:21 am [Reply]

MT:
Panel one: normal…
Panel two: changing, changing…
Panel three: THERE!

whew…
Peripheral Visionary
November 12th, 2009 at 10:32 am [Reply]

OK, I’m going to have to take exception to the Tarkovsky comment. Yes, Tarkovsky films can be a little on the slow-ish side (although once you’ve seen “Landscapes in the Mist”, everything else will feel like an action flick by comparison–but I digress), but “everyday” it most certainly is not.

Unless, that is, your definition of “everyday” is wandering around a space station in orbit of a sentient planet while having daily interactions with the ghost of your lost lover, or wandering a post-apocalyptic landscape in search of the room where you can make the wish that will come true.
Sequitur
November 12th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

220. MolyBendum
ie. Snuffy Smith – The key is in the two bolded words. That Real. The answer, of course, is “NO!” Taint funny either.
Mibbitmaker
November 12th, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Curtis: This week, Curtis’s mom is on loan from Luann.

FC: ???????????

FW: Flashback, eh? Hey, I’ve got an idea — let’s flash back to the ’70s and ’80s, when this strip was fun!

Garfield: Yeah, that’s the way to maintain a loving relationship! (OOH! — I think I just pulled a sarcasm muscle there!)

ReFOOB: “You’re not at all well.” — that could apply to all of them, actually.
Bootsy
November 12th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

JP” Oh, man! The widow D’Vito’s bodyguard will soon learn that in this place, You Don’t Assault the Pretty People. If you want to beat up the ugly and hideously malformed, here are Adrian Cory and Rusty Trail’s home addresses.
Sequitur
November 12th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

PBS – Rat obviously does not live with a cat that likes to spin the toilet paper roll.
commodorejohn
November 12th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Agnes – is, um, a little open to interpretation today.

Archie – Veronica reads girly mags? No wonder Archie’s picking her.

DT – I’m pretty sure that the phrase “cyber, baby!” has never preceded anything appropriate for print.

FW – Yay! Shooting rampage time!

JP – Oh man, I’m almost ready to forgive Judge Parker for the “abuse of authority to protect celebrities is A-okay!” storyline. Almost.

Love Is… – a mathematical foursome.

Luann – …gnarghng. Somehow every time I think Luann can’t get any more creepy, it goes and does exactly that. Nice of Evans to have him staring directly at her cleavage.

MT – I’m sorry, Mark Trail, but alligators and poachers alike are far, far less scary than that thing in panel three.

MW – Ha ha, cue the sudden and unexpected turn for the worse. I’m starting to think that Mary Worth would be even better accompanied by one of those cheapo roller-rink organ soundtracks they used to have on soaps back in the day.

Pluggers – Pluggers are hopeless drug addicts.

RMMD – Could someone please explain to me how the fuck asking for money in exchange for information on the whereabouts of people you’re not holding captive is illegal? I’m damn near ready to write a letter of protest to someone about this.

SF – Paging Alfred E. Neuman…
Little Guy
November 12th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

DT: Just how many strips does it take for a tiger to get to the center of a Mr. Pops? The world may never know….

PBS: Begun, the Toilet Roll Wars have.

Curtis: Why worry? If someone thinks badly of you, just give them a Burber-level glower that has been known to melt lead.

JP: Silly bodyguard. You’re too ugly to kill off Prettyboy Lawyer. Tomorrow, he’ll be stopped by Widow D’Vito’s Double-DDs.
Mibbitmaker
November 12th, 2009 at 11:19 am [Reply]

GA: I want to hate her now, but why the hell does the gravedigger have a kitten with him?? I’d probably run, too — no, I wouldn’t; I still hate her.

JP: So, the chickens have come home to roost, eh, Sam the Unethical?

MT: That’s the idea, Rusty.

MW: “We said a lifetime’s worth… about Morgul, the Friendly Drelb.”

PC: “You can be either a fascist or a commie”

RMMD: “He’s the Megaweapon of this strip, officers… leave the suspect alone. Over.”

R=R: Ingrate, by Peekaboo

S-M: Of course. (*sigh*)

Zits: “… and how did you just now manage to go inside-out for a second??”
Red Greenback
November 12th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Ky Kerbean (or KK): This is what I’m calling the strip now, since I’ve never seen anything resembling “Fun” or “Win” in the damn thing.
Professor Fate
November 12th, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

MW: Scott is sooooo dead. Anytime someone says the magic soap opera words “a liftimes worth” the other party’s wormfood, often within hours.

Luann – Nothing improves a wounded vet’s morale like a shallow self absorbed tease.

FW: 1) Wally’s look of horror and fear is a perfectly rational response to living in the existential horror that is the Funkyverse.
2) Tow bits it’s an angry Funky at the door demanding to know why, if he was going to eat junk food why didnt’ he buy one of his pizzas?
Islamorada Girl
November 12th, 2009 at 11:32 am [Reply]

I would like to see the entire cast of Elrod Studios chained to a log, surrounded by hungry alligators. And eaten up. This would so make my day.
bats :[
November 12th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

JP: proof positive that not only is Sam Driver an Incredible Chick Magnet but also an Incredible Hulk Maget (AACCK!).
Then again, someone could substitute Cathy for Sam (I like Sam, so I want him to stick around).

GA: oh, poor Kitty (and Rufus!).

Phantom: ahhh…the Big Ditch. Bye, kids! Bye, Guran!
Muffaroo
November 12th, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

9CL – It’s funny because Brooke has completely abdicated from any notion of amusing or entertaining the readers, but still divides it into panels as if it was supposed to contain something worth reading.

Close2 – Smells like Eau de Flop Sweat.

Dick – My god! Mr. Pops is finally funny!

Family – “Waaaaait a minute! Are you setting me up, Dad? Is that why you used such an unnatural circumlocution? Just to get me to repeat what you said so you and your sick fans can laugh at me? This is like when you told me spell “Mississippi,” isn’t it?”

Luann – Every time I see Tiffany’s profile, I wish her hair helmet was reversed. Is she supposed to be attractive, or is she supposed to be like the Joker-lady in One Big Happy? She switches states whenever she turns her head, like one of those optical illusions, or Schrödinger’s Hag.

Mark – “Darnit, I knew we should have staked her in the clearing in front of the tent.”
Muffaroo
November 12th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

Marmaduke – Anybody besides me wish the Andersons had shown us the part where Marmaduke, by expressive barking and tail wagging, conveys to an unfamiliar taxi driver that (a) he wishes a ride because (b) he missed the school bus, and (c) he fears the truant officer as a result?

Hell, he probably just Tweets it. (”Need cab; missed bus, fear tru ofc BOL. M-dog.”)

Mary – “Scott said a lifetime’s worth, taking us from the promise of our first sex to the very end of our lives together.”
“What did he say?”
“Fuck off and die.”

Phantom – “Kit and Heloise are needed, O Ghost! Their chores!” If Mr. The Lamp is going to pronounce it “chores,” shouldn’t he also be consistent and call her “Cheloise”?

R=R – Somebody please tell me this is all a fantasy taking place in the mind of a dying man in the split second as he’s being hung! It would be so much less depressing.

Spidey – “Someone set up us the alarm!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 12th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

11/12

A3G: You can’t really tell from reading it, but when the Prof asks, “Did you have a bad day?” he’s singing the words to the tune of that cloying Daniel Powter song. She’ll clock him one, of course, and who can blame her?

S-M: There are 8 million stories in the naked city. Unfortunately Peter’s only interested in the ones that involve himself dressed in Spandex.

MW: I’d like to see Adrian say, “A good sign that he was awake? Gee, thanks for the diagnosis, asshole! I was wondering what the one person in here who never went to medical school had to say about Scott’s condition.”

JP: Okay, I don’t know this goon’s name, but as of today I’m a confirmed fan.

6C: “So I’m thinking maybe we should have a baby. I’ve heard this old guy named Swift said that you could raise them for food.”

BSt: Does TVTropes have a “Domestic Violence is Funny When It’s Female on Male” page? Not that this actually is funny.

Cathy: As expected, Cathy is back to being Sex in the City without the–how you say?–sex. I’m sure the troops are glad to be associated with Cathy’s conspicuous consumption, though.

Archie: What’s interesting here–and you take what you can get–is the Lodges’ respective choices in reading material. Veronica pores over Riverdale’s homegrown skin mag to see if the pictures Reggie took of her makeout session with Betty have been published. Hiram reads about looming financial crisis in a newspaper published in June of 2008.

M-Dawg: The cabbie extends his life with small talk. Or tries to, at least.

PBS: So Rat and I are on the same side of the tissue issue? That’s disturbing.

Crock: It’s a shock to learn that all of Maggot and Grossie’s friends are getting divorced. More to the point, it’s shocking to find out that Maggot and Grossie have friends.
Carlo
November 12th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

If you now read Luann, do you have to register with the cops under Meghan’s Law?
Muffaroo
November 12th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

ChattyGenes @216 – I’m an overer. I never have to be annoyed at anybody doing it wrong, though, because I am the only one in my house who will actually put a new roll onto a spindle. If anybody else runs out, they get a new roll and set it nearby for me to put on the spindle. Because it’s rocket science.

@218 – I’ve worn my wedding ring proudly for 15 years. Right around our 14th anniversary, I thought, “It’s about time we got rings,” so for our presents that year, we got each other nice little gold bands.

MolyBendum @220 – I’d like to see Google do one of their commemorative logos in honor of Barney Google. The Os would be his goo-goo-googly eyes.

Little Guy @235 – Your DT comment made me bust out laughing.

Mibbitmaker @236 – Wasn’t that bloated meowing thing a cute kitten a few months ago? I think the sight of it is what made Gertie run off flailing her arms. Seriously, my first thought was that it was like a stuffed toy that’s been left sitting out way too long.
queek
November 12th, 2009 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

233: Thankfully, only one of ferrets was ever long enough to get at the roll, and tired of the game very quickly.
bats :[
November 12th, 2009 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

Dangit! I go out to the farm for one day, and ! miss all the Eaus de Comix!

Hmmm…I think most of these were trial attempts or are considered “so last season”:

“IT IS!” by Mark Trail
“Jiggle,” by Dixie Julep
“Black Leather,” by Det. Heidi Roberts
“Another Senseless Marketing Ploy,” by Andy S. Bernard
“Moribund,” by Dr. Andy Reed, Coroner
“Chocolate Bon-Bon,” by Godiva Danube
“Eh — Still Good,” by Dr. Andy Reed, Vampire
“Wrestler’s Delight,” by Max Malloy
“Adolescent,” by Niki
“Bourbon. Lots of it. Did I tell you to stop? I’ll let you know when to stop, dammit!” by Agnes
“Ewwww,” by Second Officer Guido Tomas
Renee J
November 12th, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

Luann: How old is Tiffany? I’m sure the troops would feel better after talking to a hot fifteen or sixteen year old, but it’s a little creepy.
Mibbitmaker
November 12th, 2009 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

#247 (bats:[ ): Andy Bernard from the Office? (I couldn’t get much from a websearch of “Andy S. Bernard)

That gives me an off-topic idea…

Clueless, by Michael Scott

Deranged, by Dwight K. Schrute

Perseverence, by Jim Halpert

Original, by Ricky Gervais

Tool, by David Wallace

Uptight, by Angela

Fatjoke, by Kevin

Obtainable, by Pam

Dispensable Lug, by Roy

Inscrutable, by Creed
queek
November 12th, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

243: This was as close as I could find with a quick browse.
gnome de blog
November 12th, 2009 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

204 Fable: I sort of expected Ninja goats to be all black.
Écureuil Écumant
November 12th, 2009 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

“     FW: SLAM!! Well, maybe that’ll teach yez to put the toilet seat down.
O
d     JP: Sorry, Sam, pretending to be Cathy isn’t gonna cut it with this dude.
o
r     RMMJ: Better hurry up with those instructions, Dispatch. Balloon Boy has already
g     commenced liftoff. E.T., phone home!
a
s     Ethanol Alley: It’s might’ nigh impossible to fall into a hole you’re digging, and it be
m    too deep for you to get out again. (The fact that he can hold Kitty’s head
“     above ground level while lying flat on his back only emphasizes this.)

b     High and Loose: Right now, daddy’s pondering the above observation and wishing it
y     were not true.

M    H&J: Where’s TJ when we need him?
a
r     MT: Off we go into the swamp at midnight without a flashlight again!
v     Never mind, Rusty’s glowing orbs will light the way.
i
n     BB: Cookie, never bring a fork to a knife fight.
bats :[
November 12th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

249. Mibbitmaker: no, Andy Saint Bernard from Mark Trail.
TheDiva
November 12th, 2009 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

C’shaft: “Making other people’s lives a misery is hard work!”

reFOOB: Elly’s so desperate to get out of the house not even a fever will stop her.

MW: “In fact, we have nothing more to talk about now so there’s no reason for us to get married.”
gnome de blog
November 12th, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

How can Hilary and Faye be 12 already? They were only 11 for a year. At this rate it won’t be long before Sally Forth turns into Zits. Or Luann.
Will
November 12th, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

PBS: As someone who doesn’t care about the orientation of the toilet paper so long as it’s there, why is this such an endless subject of fascination and anger?
Calico
November 12th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

Why does Rusty go from looking quasi-normal to a complete alien form in today’s 3 panels?
This really bothers me.
Jason
November 12th, 2009 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

I watched the Room this weekend. Is it possible that Tom Batuik and Tommy Wiseau are the same person?
Mibbitmaker
November 12th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

#253 (bats:[ ): Ah.

Actually, Andy St.Bernard would sound like a person’s name (or dog’s).
Jym the WIldlife Man
November 12th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

=v= Six Chix: The cartoonist is Canadian, so I presume that the historical tableau is from some holiday that USAmericans have no comprehension of. My calendar indicates that the strip ran on “Remembrance Day,” which seems to involve sheep-herding Pilgrims and Native ~~Ameri~~Canadians banding together to defeat the Kaiser. More high school drama about this historic event can be found in the forthcoming novel by Michael Patterson.
odinthor
November 12th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

#256. Will. –

PBS: As someone who doesn’t care about the orientation of the toilet paper so long as it’s there, why is this such an endless subject of fascination and anger?

Probably because, in the absence of anything worthy to distinguish themselves one from another, people latch on to something unworthy, and then, in self-pseudojustification, feel obliged to act as if it really makes a difference. It’s either that or the ill effects of the toilet paper perfume.
Carlo
November 12th, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

odinthor and will seem like under-roll people to me. Scandalous!
Sister Sestina
November 12th, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

Crock: Grossie has LEGS? I always thought her ankles sprung directly from her ass.
Sharon
November 12th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

I didn’t read the other 260 comments and I suspect I might be delusional to think you’ll read this but…

Wanted to tell you how great the title was. It’s one of my favorite books.

See, nothing special.
dale
November 12th, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

Mr. O’Malley – FOOB

104 in Centigrade, if untreated, would soon be an ex-temperature.
Sequitur
November 12th, 2009 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

261. odinthor
OH NO! Don’t get people started on toilet paper perfumes!

“Raid Essence” by Scott

NO! Stop it, I say!
Sequitur
November 12th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

“Tiffany’s Allure” by Charmin

Now cut that out!
Esther Blodgett
November 12th, 2009 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

A Plugger’s idea of vacation is standing outside Disneyland and selling prescription drugs to the kids.
Poteet
November 12th, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

My bathroom doesn’t have a toilet paper holder, so the roll sits on the back of the toilet. I was going to say that I’m too lazy to install a holder, but now I realize that I’m actually a peaceful woman who’s trying to avoid controversy. Lazy? Naw.
Fashion Police
November 12th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

My goodness! Mrs. Merrill and Professor Papagoras have progressed to first names already. Things move far too quickly these days. One supposes that is to be expected when orange becomes the new gray in men’s suits. What a world, what a world.
CanuckDownSouth
November 12th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

265-dale I wonder if having your blood above water’s boiling point, even for seconds, would be survivable. I’d guess no.
TFHackett
November 12th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

#234:

FW – Yay! Shooting rampage time!

Too soon.
Rob
November 13th, 2009 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

OT, perhaps, but Sarah Vowell has an audiobook version of Wordy Shipmates that’s a joy to listen to.
Portia
November 13th, 2009 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail must have inoculated me, because I fully believed the cane to be emitting that bit of dialog, and it didn’t strike me as either incongruous, or noteworthy for being unfunny.
Sasquatch
November 15th, 2009 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

Does that PI look like Christian Slater to anyone else?

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