Archive: Crock

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Gil Thorp, 6/27/18

So, I’ve mentioned this before, but Gil Thorp seems to be becoming increasingly unmoored from the rhythm of the school year, with baseball season stretching on interminably, wacky summer plots falling by the wayside, and the cleansing fall bonfire absent for the past two years. The result is that it’s almost July and we’re just now getting around to discussing Kevin Pelwecki’s college situation. Turns out that despite his amiably dopey exterior, he actually has middlingly decent good grades that got him accepted to the flagship state university of whatever state’s Milford’s in! Now I guess Gil’s going to dazzle State U’s baseball, or possibly football, coach with his fame to get Kevin a walk-on spot in the fall. Yay for Kevin! NOW LET’S BRING ON THE SUMMER, which will I guess be dominated by the headlines that a guy who killed a teen with his car isn’t a nice man.

Mark Trail, 6/27/18

I don’t know about you, but one of my longstanding fantasies is to watch a leering red-headed Ted Cruz try to flirt with an academic by asking about cutting-edge archaeological techniques, and that fantasy has now been … fulfilled, and it was everything I could’ve hoped for!

Crock, 6/27/18

That’s right, everyone: ladies all want to fuck the Batmobile! Only the syndicated newspaper comic strip Crock is brave enough to speak this truth, everyone else is too “politically correct.”

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Crock, 6/21/18

[extremely hack ’90s standup comedian voice] Hey, you guys, uh, you heard about this “Google”? They got all these crazy names for things on the Internet. [adjusts tie] It’s wild, man, it’s wild. Hey, what if there was some old wise man in a cave and it turned out he was just surfing the web using “Google”? [pats forehead with handkerchief] That’d be pretty crazy, huh?

Gasoline Alley, 6/21/18

Well, we’ve moved on from Slim’s erotic concussion and have started a new Gasoline Alley plot, about a centenarian with paranoid delusions about the personal care industry, and I’m not gonna lie: I am hooked.

Family Circus, 6/21/18

Look at those eyes! Look at that spittle! Listen to the unhinged ravings! Billy is in the middle of a full-on cookie mania, and it’s difficult to watch.

Hi and Lois, 6/21/18


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Beetle Bailey, 6/6/18

May 27, 1994: the day the Pentagon ordered General Halftrack’s troops to prepare to be deployed to support Operation Deny Flight in the Balkans, and, receiving no reply, determined that the existence of “Camp Swampy” in their records must be some kind of clerical error.

Crock, 6/6/18

It’s fairly grim that Schmeese has spent years tied to a post, awaiting the imminent execution by firing squad that never seems to come, and I’m glad to see Lt. Poulet acknowledge that this is just part of a larger pathology on the part of the Legion — that a seeming eternity engaged in this grinding colonial war has driven him and his fellow soldiers mad and capable of any kind of cruelty.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/6/18

Never has the process of creating art and the final artistic creation itself dovetailed so closely together as they do in the “Claude Barlow” Funky Winkerbean strips, in which a man writes truly awful puns and then smirks to himself in unbearable self-satisfaction.

Judge Parker, 6/6/18

“Plus we hear you’re fucking Randy Parker, and that’s gotta be a great way to get the inside info you need to break some stories, right?”

Family Circus, 6/6/18

The fact that this panel doesn’t depict Jeffy attempting to eat the candle just shows that the Family Circus lacks the courage of its convictions