Archive: Six Chix

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Six Chix, 1/18/18

I feel like I need to apologize, because this comic is basically pretty terrible, but I also kind of love it??? Like, I can’t parse its internal logic at all — clearly the “contgratulations, it’s a” balloon is a take off of the gender-denoting balloons for parents of infants we know and love, so did they give birth to this obnoxious teen, or did he spring forth self-living from one of their foreheads, or did he come in the mail, or what — but I still love his grinning, obnoxious teen face. “Hey guys!” he seems to be saying. “Guess what! I’m here, and I suck.

Mary Worth, 1/18/18

I don’t have kids myself, so probably I don’t get to weigh in on this, but just because your child loves you, maybe that isn’t in and of itself a sign that you’re a good parent? Maybe another sign of good parenting would be if she goes through an emotional trauma and confides in you rather than just never mentioning it, I dunno. Anyway, even Wilbur’s theoretical sticker is baffling, since (a) “sticker” makes it sound like a bumper sticker, but apparently he’s imagining that he’d “wear” it, and (b) “How are my parenting skills?” gives way too much leeway to your interlocutor to just start telling you their opinions. If you’re just looking for a conversation starter that’ll let you boast, try “Ask me about my parenting skills!” But if you’re asking me about your parenting skills, well, this blog is already on the record with some opinions.

Rex Morgan, 1/18/18

So, it turns out the Morgans’ schlubby-ass lawyer is in fact trying to bring together the battling parties to reach a compromise that leaves everyone feeling like they had some of their needs met, instead of just spending as much energy as possible destroying his clients’ enemies financially and emotionally. As panel three makes very clear, this won’t do at all.

Spider-Man, 1/18/18

Oh, uh, it turns out getting an infusion of Hulk blood doesn’t turn Doctor Connors into a Hulk, it turns him into the Lizard, which is kind of weird because it was some other serum that turned him into the Lizard in the first place. Like when multiple different things injected into your body all turn you into the Lizard, maybe the problem isn’t the things being injected into you, maybe the problem is you, you know what I’m saying? Also, I assumed that the whole Lizard situation was a “human transformed into dumb rampaging beast against his will” deal, but now that I know the Lizard can talk, and use his powers of speech to talk about himself in the third person, I have significantly less sympathy for him.

Family Circus, 1/18/18

I am immediately intrigued by the idea of child-proof pants, but I have to imagine there’s a real cost-benefit analysis you have to run with them. Is the danger of Jeffy soiling himself outweighed by the danger of Jeffy exposing himself?

Gil Thorp, 1/18/18

“WOW THESE ISLAND PEOPLE GET ALL THE FREE HAMBURGERS AND BACKUP VARSITY SLOTS THEY WANT JUST BECAUSE THEY GOT SLIGHTLY HURRICANED, IT DOESN’T SEEM FAIR, DOES IT” –the syndicated newspaper comic strip Gil Thorp, I guess????

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Mary Worth, 1/9/17

I’m really excited to watch Wilbur’s emotional journey to healing over the coming … weeks? Months? Today, for instance, we can tell he’s moving forward a bit because rather than just shoving that muffin down his gullet to fill the hole inside him where love used to be, he’s taking a moment to enjoy its bouquet, as he would with a fine wine. Meanwhile, Dawn, wide-eyed and still rolling on Molly after another night of clubbing, is about to blow through the kitchen and disrupt Wilbur’s philosophical mindset with some manic, MDMA-addled chatter.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/9/17

“Yes, ancillary character who I’m pretty sure was just introduced into this narrative specifically for the super-depressing ‘Bull vanishes into dementia‘ arc! Only you can still bring joy to this household. He certainly never smiles around me, his own wife! Ha ha, my life isn’t a hell, at all!”

Six Chix, 1/9/17

Here is a comic where dogs discuss the fact that they can’t fuck. Enjoy!

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Mary Worth, 12/15/17

I am as always extremely here for Mary’s consistent “age ain’t nothin’ but a number” attitude about the Zak-Iris romance. It is of course all the more hilariously deployed in reaction to Toby’s gender-normative discomfort, since her transformation from hipster Greenwich Village artist to bored California trophy wife and occasional sculptor of hideous animal-blobs began when she as a mere lass was swept off her feet by a drunken, late-middle-aged Ian. Anyway, Mary’s drive-by shaming of Toby’s hypocrisy is great, but I hope the real point of all this becomes clear when one of the hunky fortysomething venture capitalists investing in Zak’s dumb video game company comes calling and Mary’s like “Dr. Jeff? I don’t know anybody by that name!”

Gil Thorp, 12/15/17

Gil Thorp is by definition a comic strip that’s heavily invested in high school athletics, and I guess we’ve finally got to the point of this football season’s storyline, which is that, sure, sometimes promising young men play football and get concussions that turn their brains into goo, but what if they love playing football, and what about loyalty, discipline, and hard work, and what are the other options, huh? Some dork with a goatee trying to strongarm you into becoming a YouTube singing sensation??? This feminized PC culture makes me sick.

Mark Trail, 12/15/17

OK, fine, if we’re not going to get an extended storyline where Mark and Johnny actually perform a wildlife census, at least let us flash back to that time Mark got stranded in the Great Plains without any food and had to survive by making “prairie dog tacos.”

Blondie, 12/15/17

As Christmas approaches, please let’s remember the real reason for the season: goosing sales in order to shore up the collapsing retail sector by offering no-interest loans to an already over-indebted populace!

Six Chix, 12/15/17

hey this is a metaphor for the current housing affordability crisis but if you take it to its logical conclusion all those pricey new homes are made from human flesh OK enjoy your weekend everybody