Archive: Six Chix

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Mary Worth, 12/21/16

Ha! While Iris frolics with her boy-toy, look what’s become of Wilbur: he’s now a rugged, international man of action, pecking out the latest installment of “I Shouldn’t Be Alive!” belowdecks on some unheated tramp steamer, with only his faithful table lamp to keep him company. Sure, Iris, Zak may be aware that women can and should have orgasms, but would he put on fingerless gloves so he could heroically continue typing a syndicated newspaper column even when it’s cold? I think not!

Beetle Bailey, 12/21/16

There some clues here about what’s really happening in this strip. The endless void in the background, the way General Halftrack is lying back in his chair with his eyes half-closed, the fact that Miss Buxley has strangely gotten larger between the two panels: he’s dying, and not a moment too soon! Is his final moments, his brain is indulging his sexual gigantism fetish, the better to send him off into the hereafter.

Mark Trail, 12/21/16

Hey, were you worried about whether that island in Mark Trail was still blowing up? Well, here’s an update: It’s still blowing up. Stay tuned for further important developments in this exploding island story.

Six Chix, 12/21/16

It’s almost Christmas and you know what that means: Lots of jokes about Santa being horny!

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Marvin, 12/16/16

This isn’t the sort of thing I usually advocate, but … if we sent this comic to the NRA, do you think it could get several thousand angry letters to the editor written that would end Marvin’s weaponized poop jokes, forever? Just spitballin’ here.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/16/16

You know, we make jokes about how Funky Winkerbean is just unrelentingly grim nonstop, but there are always new frontiers to explore! I mean, years ago one of Les’s student’s tried to kill herself because Les didn’t love her, but she managed to survive and experience the majesty of what adult life has to offer, including being sexually rejected by Les, again, and so we’ve never to my knowledge had an actually successful suicide in the strip. History in the making here, folks! History … in … the … making.

Six Chix, 12/16/16

It seems that snowman season is for some reason extremely traumatic for Friday Six Chik Benita Epstein. Please keep her in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Family Circus, 12/16/16

DOLLY NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING

YOU MAKE A MOCKERY OF GOD’S CREATION

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Six Chix, 12/9/16

You know I’m in favor of any nationally syndicated newspaper comic strip that includes the caption “GALLERY OF HORROR,” but this is pretty shoddy work right here no matter how you look at it. I mean, climate change will melt snowpersons, I guess, although so would the good old fashioned change of the seasons. And holding a lit cigarette up to a snowbeing might cause them to melt around the point of contact, or, if we’re assuming some sort of advanced snownatomical structures, maybe they’d melt from the inside out as they drew hot air into their snow-lungs, in particularly gruesome fashion. But waiting in line? Waiting in line? This is … relevant because … I mean it’s supposed to mean … damn it! All I wanted was a comic where snowpeople recoiled in horror from an avant-garde art exposition called “GALLERY OF HORROR” that depicted gruesome ways they might die, and I can’t even enjoy it because the deaths don’t make any damn sense! Damn you, Six Chix! I believed in you!

Dick Tracy, 12/9/16

I’ve already proclaimed my love for this storyline, but I need to go on the record as heartily endorsing the ending, hearkening back to “classic” (i.e., pre-2011) Dick Tracy with a truly ironic death. Selfy’s selfie obsession wasn’t as played up over the course of his story as perhaps it should’ve been, but him getting trampled mid-selfie by a water buffalo who presumably enraged by reading one too many dumb thinkpieces about millennials and their participation trophies was a nice touch.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/9/16

Wait, so … are cell phones good or bad??? I need clarity on this point, guys!