Archive: Six Chix

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Hi and Lois, 3/22/17

Shoutout to Hi and Lois for jettisoning a “joke” or “punchline” here and instead choosing to depict one of its main characters going through an unspecified but apparently severe health crisis. Hi, sweating copiously but unable to keep warm no matter how many layers he puts on, mumbles “I can’t find any medicine in the medicine cabinet!”, his blurring vision leaving him incapable of reading the labels on any of the various medications available to him. Tomorrow: Hallucinations and/or death!

Gasoline Alley, 3/22/17

One of the things I like (“like”) about Gasoline Alley is that they introduce these new characters and just act like they’re beloved and that we should care about their weird, inscrutable motivations and emotions. So, Ruth, the besotted (?) office manager of beardy PA Chipper Wallet, has pretty much been a one-note character, that single note being how cheerfully dumb she is, and this has been offered up for our uncomplicated amusement, but now we’re supposed to feel bad because she knows she’s dumb and incapable of running the office by herself, no matter how brief Chipper’s absence. Anyway, if this burst of tears and associate hug ends up with the two of them sexing, I will be very, very disgusted.

Six Chix, 3/22/17

WHY IS THE CHIPMUNK WEARING GLASSES

WHY

WHYYYYYYY

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Slylock Fox, 3/10/17

OK, Slylock Fox, here’s something I’d like to unscramble: how exactly was that sausage made, and from whom? Are bovines convicted of simple assault punished by being killed then ground into delicious all-beef links? Are pig musicians who fail to entertain paying customers due to technical difficulties ground into chorizo by their angry audiences?

I also want to point out that our hungry sausage thief is a rabbit, a representative of a purely vegetarian species, and that the similarly herbivorous moose in the background seems keenly interested as well. Then there’s Slylock’s indulgent smile, a far cry from his usual attitude towards petty theft, and the rabbit’s nudity. Perhaps the Transformation that turns an ordinary animal into a sapient citizen of the New Order involves taking a bite of cooked flesh. Perhaps Slylock has gone out into the still wild forest to do some recruiting.

Mary Worth, 3/10/17

It’s never been exactly clear how old Iris is supposed to be, but with a mid-20s son and a mid-20s ex-boyfriend, I’ve assumed that she’s roughly my age, i.e., in her early to mid 40s. Today’s strip confirms that suspicious with the revelation that she’s bumped the typeface on her laptop up to like a zillion-point font, which is what I did for about four years before I finally admitted I needed glasses. I got bifocals a few months ago and it literally felt like I had been faith-healed! I strongly feel that Iris should follow my lead here. I know some people don’t like to get them because they think it makes them look old, but she’s obviously contemplating getting back together with Wilbur, so clearly that’s not an issue.

By the way, if the image of Wilbur wandering around Brazil asking random people in broken Portugese (or probably shouting in English, actually) “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much should you not be alive?” doesn’t make you smile, probably we shouldn’t be friends.

Six Chix, 3/10/17

Oh no, this poor hunchback lady’s son has fallen in with a “bad crowd” of local child-demons! That’s what this strip is about, right? Children who are also devils, from the bowels of hell? Ha … ha?

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Mark Trail, 3/5/17

“Despite similar appearances, toucans and hornbills are not related! I mean, they’re both birds, but other than that! So, basically, fuck hornbills! We’re not even going to discuss them or show you a picture beyond that shadowy figure in the first panel! No, it’s all about toucan facts, bitches! Toucans! Toucans! Toucans! Toucans!

Family Circus, 3/5/17

Mommy and daddy are relying on the fact that the Keane Kids can’t spell words like E-S-C-A-P-E and A-B-A-N-D-O-N-M-E-N-T. It sure seems like Sam the dog can, though! “Take me with you,” he begs.

Six Chix, 3/5/17

Only one participant in the polyamorous multispecies throuple that’s being arranged here looks excited about things, and it’s not the lady or the bear!