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Other possibilities: Astronaut, fireman, Voltron pilot

Sally Forth, 1/5/06

OK, we all know Ces already has this one plotted out months in advance, but still, let’s try to think up a new job for Ted that will both leave him more personally fulfilled and open up new narrative possibilities for the strip!

  • A renegade cop who plays by his own rules
  • NASCAR pit crew member
  • Pastry chef
  • Mob accountant
  • Gay porn star Gas station attendant
  • Drifter/hobo
  • Lion tamer

C’mon, everybody, join the fun!

Whatever it is our little Ted decides to do when he grows up, he’ll need a new shirt to do it in. Right now, he looks like he’s wearing a Yankees uniform with a tie. At least he’s not the worst dressed member of the Forth household: Sally’s outfit is exactly like Cathy’s Irving’s get-up, only in a much uglier color.

Update: Ces offers sample Ted dialogue for these jobs over at Drink At Work.

115 responses to “Other possibilities: Astronaut, fireman, Voltron pilot”

  1. captainswift
    January 5th, 2006 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    Without buying a new shirt:

    Train engineer
    Jailbird
    (Or, possibly, Hamburglar)
    Youth Minister, circa 1981
    wrestling referee
    advice-dispensing bartender in a sitcom bar catering only to the forlorn main character and a nosy drunk

  2. Howard Roark
    January 5th, 2006 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Cartoonist. That would create a circular story arc.

  3. Rusty
    January 5th, 2006 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    Sorry if double post. Ted has to embrace his inner gay man, I always assumed that the strip was written by a female sice Ted was always struck me as having a female sensibility. So I vote for gay porn star or even just the guy who hands out towels at the bathhouse.

  4. jmarkow
    January 5th, 2006 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    Ballroom Dance Instructor
    Shirt presser(He’s expert at the nice crisp shoulders)
    1980′s lead singer in a punk band(again, the shoulders)
    Shoulder pad manufacturer
    Blow-dry specialist
    Gigalo specializing in raising sneering women’s self-esteem

  5. randomdude
    January 5th, 2006 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    Blogger/Curmudgeon.

    tedreads.com
    He reads the comics so you don’t have to.

    His first CafePress sale can be to Sally.

  6. Skooter
    January 5th, 2006 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    How about “Ask Wendy” writer?

    Black market indian relic trader?

    Ersatz war hero and part-time gambler?

    Canadian landscape nursery worker?

    Bum Boat waiter?

  7. Bigfoot
    January 5th, 2006 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    If he’s looking for gratification, then his new job has to be in the sex industry.

  8. Mibbitmaker
    January 5th, 2006 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    Boring inner life is more like it, Sally.

    How ’bout…

    Meddling biddy in a gated community (I just noticed something: gay-Ted community! )

    Nature explorer turned fist-weilding avenger

    Fence builder (changes his name to Frank)

    Sweatshop whipcracker (“More zippers, Mule!”)

    Gitsum Guy (eeewwwwwww!)

    Idiot superhero in an insect costume

    Professor (gets to hang out with 3 pretty, yet troubled, women)

    Rotund, dentally-challenged army sergeant

    Marriage counsellor for the Lockhorns

    Perpetually missing Canadian helicopter pilot who blows it with a saintly teacher

    A saintly teacher

    Fundamentalist Christian Caveman

    Broken swan mender

    Meth dealer….

  9. edgeways
    January 6th, 2006 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    herm… how about Ralp’s old job? That’s open isn’t it?
    ok, ok that is pushing paper too, but at least he’d be the boss of Sally…. FOR ONCE!!!

    anyhow,

    I vote for elephant shit shovler, that or male escort

  10. left of the pyle
    January 6th, 2006 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    indian casino lobbyist

    Israeli prime minister

    POTUS

    … all of those jobs seem to be open soon.

    Or maybe he could just be a voiceover actor for one of those creepy ass bears from the Charmin commercials. We get it, okay. Bears shit in the woods. Do we have to see them doing a hold-it-in-long-enough-to-get-to-the-can dance.

  11. Jim C.
    January 6th, 2006 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    With that shirt:

    Banjo Player at Shakeys.

    If he can travel:

    Dealer at Hutch Owen’s Hotel & Casino in Milford.

  12. REB
    January 6th, 2006 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    i really, really want this idiotic Curtis storyline to come to an abrupt and bloody end.

  13. Kaliflower
    January 6th, 2006 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    It’s been said numerous times but I have to get this off my chest. Mary Worth’s current storyline is the most idiotic thing ever.

  14. Dub Not Dubya
    January 6th, 2006 at 3:03 am [Reply]

    Sell propane and propane accessories

    Substitute Spanish teacher

  15. Unemployed Guy
    January 6th, 2006 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    I don’t even have a job. I have to envy Ted’s.

  16. Malcolm
    January 6th, 2006 at 3:27 am [Reply]

    Going by the first panel, I reckon he’d be a good boob-sizer.

  17. Cliff Kuhn, M.D., The Laugh Dr.
    January 6th, 2006 at 6:05 am [Reply]

    Ted seems to be neutered. He might make a good harem guard?

  18. Frank Drackman
    January 6th, 2006 at 6:28 am [Reply]

    Dude at the funeral home who does the touch up work on the corpses.

  19. RichM
    January 6th, 2006 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    Gitsum Guy.

    Wedding singer. So he can do a crossover on A3G when Streisand (and either of the Barbara Bushes, I guess) begs off.

  20. Robert Canipe, PhD
    January 6th, 2006 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    RE #2
    “Cartoonist. That would create a circular story arc”

    Oooo, metacomics! He could do a comic about himself, his wife and family, and it would be THE comic that he is in…ERK!

  21. Pozzo
    January 6th, 2006 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Usually in long-running strips looking for new ideas for storylilnes, it’s the wife who looks for fulfillment in a job. Maybe Ted can work in Blondie’s catering business or help Lois sell houses.

  22. yellojkt
    January 6th, 2006 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    First, we have to determeine what Ted’s current job is. We’d hate to send him back to the same routine by mistake.

    I think it’s pretty safe he is not a:

    Sports color commentator

    Sumo wrestling coach

    Gladiator movie extra

  23. micedwhale
    January 6th, 2006 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    fluffer
    boy band promoter
    infomercial m.c.
    he’s pasty enough to be tech support
    bonaduce stunt double
    str8 up g
    fight promoter
    walking mat for overbearing wife and daughter…..wait a second
    pot farmer

  24. fluffytufts
    January 6th, 2006 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Professional Sniveler?

    Thoughtful, poetic type you see in small, independent coffee houses all over Richmond, VA? You know – the kind you want to walk up to and punch real hard?

    Elementary school cafeteria worker?

    Alan Alda’s bitch?

  25. mooselet
    January 6th, 2006 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Masseur – see how his arm lays snake-like up Sally’s shoulder?

    Cirque du Soleil – again, the whole flexibilty thing.

    Back-up singer for Elvis Impersonator

    Hairdresser

    Queer Eye for the Straight Guy substitute

  26. Monkeys Uncle
    January 6th, 2006 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    I hope I’m not taking all the good ones…

    usher at a gay wedding
    gay man at Usher’s wedding
    pet groomer
    dock worker
    topiary artist
    merkin manufacturer
    advertising executive
    new lead singer for Van Halen
    ghostbuster
    Nascar driver
    dental hygienist
    red shirted ensign on the next away team
    christian fundamentalist shock jock
    hansome cab driver
    lackey
    mid management yesman
    fry cook
    Walker*
    toll booth operator
    aluminum siding salesman
    heavy equipment operator
    upper class twit of the year
    espn football play by play announcer
    bee farmer
    new President of NORML

    *for ghost who walks…

  27. Sharkbait
    January 6th, 2006 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    1) phlebotomist
    2) proprietor of “Brokeback Dude Ranch”
    3) Spiderman nemesis
    4) political blogger
    5) contributing editor: Cat Fancy
    6) taxidermist

  28. Nom du Jour
    January 6th, 2006 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    how ’bout a merkin modeler

    or a gambling addicition advisor

    or a rubbermaid container salesman

  29. Smitty Smedlap
    January 6th, 2006 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    - NAMBLA spokesperson
    - Replacement for the uber-gay blond Queer Eye for the Straight Guy guy.

  30. Doug Puthoff
    January 6th, 2006 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    I think Ted should be out looking for Osama.

  31. MotoMike
    January 6th, 2006 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Ted could join the growing ranks of pet kidnappers. Life is imitating art here in Dallas: the Dallas Morning News reports that two guys stole a cat at gunpoint …

    ” Police said they are searching for a pair of true catburglars after two men walked into a Petco store at Casa Linda Plaza in East Dallas and got away with a large orange tabby.

    “[They] didn’t say anything [and] didn’t steal anything else, no money, nothing … just the cat,” said Dianne Wood, a volunteer with the Protective Animal League.

    Witnesses told Dallas police that two men came into the store with their eyes set on a kitty condo with Simon inside.

    “At some point, one of them goes ‘shh’ to the employee that was in the store,” Wood said. “And the other raised his jacket and showed where he had a gun, at which point they got the cat out of the condo and left.” …
    … and here’s the link:
    http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/010506dnmetcatnapping.44a07568.html

    (I’m still wondering if this is a hoax story).
    Clearly, while we’ve been frittering away our attention on the Tedinator, real life has been on the march; obviously these felons read Mark Trail and know there’s good money in them thar pet stores. Speaking of Mark Trail, today he’s showing remarkable bravery in spite of being menaced by a possibly rabid racoon twice his size. What a guy. All I can say is – he damn better have the RIGHT HOUSE …I look forward to the installment where he looks down and somebody is tapping him on his ankle …”Just what the $%#&& are you doing – climbing a tree so you can look in our bathroom windows? What the hell kind of peeping tom are you, you creep?!” – he’s dragged down, beaten up and has to go to court to try to explain – and as we all know, Mark Trail has never exactly been courtroom-ready. He may encounter a different kind of animal awaiting trial, but we won’t be seeing a lot of close-ups.

  32. Seales
    January 6th, 2006 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Ted should consider clown college. I’d read Sally Forth if every three panels of her banal, self-satisfied dry wit was countered by one panel of a Ted tumbling around the kitchen and slapping a pie in her face.

  33. adfella
    January 6th, 2006 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    PLEASE HELP WITH TODAY’S B.C.

    Yet again I must avail myself upon Curmudgeon Nation to explain an episode of B.C.

    Once again, despite repeated readings, I simply CANNOT figure out where the joke is or what the joke is.

    Since the one fellow is sporting a crucifix with his nattily-tailored animal skin toga, I can only assume this is yet another of Johnny Hart’s holier-than-thou religious references, but beyond that, I’m stumped.

    Can anyone out there explain this to me?

  34. blueeyes
    January 6th, 2006 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    It’s so sad that, with the Sally and Ted’s measly salaries, that they had to sell all of their chairs and are subject to the indignity of having to sit on their stairs.

  35. ComicsFan
    January 6th, 2006 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Anybody notice that Ces has posted on this thread over in his blog (drinkatwork.com)?

  36. BigJoe
    January 6th, 2006 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    #32: I don’t know if there’s any deeper hidden joke or hidden religious significance, but the joke I got out of it was that he says he can’t pronounce the word “moccasin”, but pronounces it correctly when stating that he can’t pronounce it.

    Sorry, I would have replied sooner but I had to take some time to compose myself after reading it. I try not to read B.C. at work because the screams of laughter coming from my cube tend to disturb my coworkers.

  37. BigJoe
    January 6th, 2006 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    #36 – Arrgh. Of course I meant to be replying to #33, not #32.

  38. Ces
    January 6th, 2006 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    I am shocked! Shocked to learn that it took you guys a whole 23 entries before someone said “fluffer.”

  39. Braniff
    January 6th, 2006 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    The fellow who had the ilicit affair with Mommy Keane outside the circle in the Family Circus (he’d make the pas’ghetti for Billy, Jeffy, Dolly and PJ). Ted would also play the ghost of the dead Grandpa and the spirits known as Ida Know and Not Me.

  40. BigJoe
    January 6th, 2006 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    How about some crossover jobs for Ted?

    - guest star who gets hit with Rat’s “wimp hammer” in PBS
    - delivery van driver for Blondie’s catering service
    - oarsman #12 on Hagar’s boat (lead singer of the “Men, men, men, men” song)
    - crisis counselor in Foobville (he could counsel April on how to live a normal life despite having a zit)
    - girl’s volleyball coach at Luann’s high school
    - stunt double for Winky in Brewster’s Rocket
    - talking giant rodent in MT

  41. Dark Star
    January 6th, 2006 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Manwhore

    or maybe the entry level position:

    Assistant Manwhore

  42. Tom
    January 6th, 2006 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    I think he absolutely should take up worm farming. When I was twelve, I sent away for a brochure on how I could make thousands a month raising worms in my own basement.

    I have a meaningless yet satisfying job as a junior yes man now, but sometimes, in the quiet of the night, I wonder what like would have been like if I had become a farmer.

  43. Concerned Citizen
    January 6th, 2006 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    #3 – Actually I believe SF writer is a male. When I first saw the strip, Sally was fairly masculine and the men, particularly Ted and Ralph, were bumbling misogynistic idiots. It’s been toned down in an effort to keep Hillary from getting too gender bent. Ted should consider:

    Working in a candle shop
    Crabtree & Evelyn
    Drag queen (don’t borrow Sally’s wardrobe; not feminine enough)
    How about a remake of Midnight Cowboy with Ted playing all the parts?

  44. lizpet
    January 6th, 2006 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    He could be

    Dubya’s speechwriter

    Richard Simmons’ body-oiler

    Michael Moore’s stylist

  45. lizpet
    January 6th, 2006 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    or he could sell GRIT

  46. Ces
    January 6th, 2006 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    #43 – Actually I believe SF writer is a male.

    Based on an admittedly cursory examination–and without the benefit of medical corroboration–yes, I do appear to be male.

  47. Mainspark
    January 6th, 2006 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    1. Garrison Keeler’s man Friday;

    2. Brokeback Mountain reality star;

    3. Mr. Garrison’s new hand puppet.

  48. kippetje2000
    January 6th, 2006 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    crash test dummy

  49. Woodrowfan
    January 6th, 2006 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    whatever his new job is, I’m betting Tony and/or Ralph is his new boss!

  50. kippetje2000
    January 6th, 2006 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    he could take up ceramics at home. Judging from the yesterdays post there’s a large market for fidojizz mugs.

  51. NAN86S
    January 6th, 2006 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    inventor.
    guinea pig for scientific experiments.
    Homer Simpson’s job at Nuclear power plant.

  52. lizpet
    January 6th, 2006 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Sea Monkey salesman

  53. TMC
    January 6th, 2006 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Tugboat captain.

  54. BigJoe
    January 6th, 2006 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Wait a minute. Luann picks up the phone in the living room and calls the kitchen? They have different phone numbers on each phone in their house?

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2006/1/6&name=Luann

  55. Jason
    January 6th, 2006 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    I can’t speak for the other fine professions, but I actually AM a gay porn star and, well, we don’t want him. Way too girly. Kind of defeats the whole purpose.

  56. Thelonious_Nick
    January 6th, 2006 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Why’s he have to find a new job? What’s wrong with drinking at home all day and stewing over life’s unfairness? Bitter sarcasm and alchohol-fueled rage are just what this strip needs.

  57. BigJoe
    January 6th, 2006 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    PBS – Is this a shout out to our forum? Matches us exactly. Except for the pay part.

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2006/1/6&name=Pearls_Before_Swine

  58. Islamorada Girl
    January 6th, 2006 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Ted should be discovered as the long lost heir to the throne of some Balkan armpit of a country. Hilarity ensues.

    Spittle flying, rage- disordered commentator on Faux News Channel. Hilarity ensues.

    Leading man in community theater production of Grease. Becomes stage struck and tries to become a professional mime. Hilarity ensues.

  59. Islamorada Girl
    January 6th, 2006 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Professional bowler.

  60. Sassy_Rocks
    January 6th, 2006 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    New Green Bay Packers head coach.

    He reminds me of Mike Squirmin’ Sherman.

  61. Moesy
    January 6th, 2006 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Astronaut – who doesn’t want to be one
    Male model – just look at those shoulders
    Driving school instructor – he’d appreciate his life in a whole new way.

  62. Marc
    January 6th, 2006 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Hmm Ted…Boss of Sally seems likely, I mean there is an opening…

    OHH

    Stay at home dad!!!

    He can play with kitty all day. The only “kitty” he’s allowed to touch without asking..

  63. BassoGap
    January 6th, 2006 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Stay at home Dad? Perfect…

    He’d look so cute in an apron, baking cookies when Wally and the Beaver get home from school.

    And don’t forget the pearl necklace…

  64. Marc
    January 6th, 2006 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Stay-at-home should definately be his new profession!! He will cook, clean, chat with his gals all day, and sing showtunes while sanitizing the doorknobs!

  65. golfwidow
    January 6th, 2006 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    Ted should be a pimp and do hookups for the husbands in the other comics.

    I’m not saying Irving would be his best customer, but he’d probably be first in line.

  66. Marc
    January 6th, 2006 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    Whatever Ted is doing is obviously keeping the Forth klan in snazzy (or rather unsnazzy) clothes.

    I can see this as the “He’s making six-figures, but isnt happy, so pursues lifelong goal, earns virtually nothing, debt insues, mom can’t support the family by herself, daddy ends up going back to work” scenario. Although Ted will be more of a bother than help to the family, he’ll enjoy it, but Sally and Hilary will persuade Ted to go back into workforce, by leaving subtle hints.

    Ohh… or Ted can be ft/pt douche bag.

  67. Frank Drackman
    January 6th, 2006 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    WOW that chick in Judge Parker has got some serious camel toe goin on..

  68. Lor
    January 6th, 2006 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    Professions for Ted:

    Gideon Bible distributor
    Street vendor – faux Rolex watches, Statue of Liberty ashtrays, roasted chestnuts
    Cat herder
    Empty suit
    Librarian

  69. Sassy_Rocks
    January 6th, 2006 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Camel toe? Good one! I always thought Abbey Spencer has more vpl going.

  70. randomdude
    January 6th, 2006 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    The current storyline in Get Fuzzy is pretty funny…
    http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/archive/getfuzzy-20060104.html

  71. ShadowCheese
    January 6th, 2006 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    You should be happy. This is one of the blessed few Sally Forths that actually doesn’t contain a sexually uncalled-for undertone.

  72. Evil Mary
    January 6th, 2006 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    K-Mart underwear model.

  73. Jay Nickola
    January 6th, 2006 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Freelance Esperanto translator?

  74. Hank Kimbel
    January 7th, 2006 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Until I get into the flow, I’ll make another comment on Rex Morgan. On RMMD does the character in panel 2 look like Louie DePalma? 1/6

  75. RichM
    January 7th, 2006 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    In the 1/7 Mark Trail, it seems that the main character should have kept his fretting about the crows to himself instead of speaking them aloud. His bad.

  76. Sheila
    January 7th, 2006 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Mother Goose and Grimm and Drabble had the same gag this morning. Bah.

    Why oh why does the Curtis Kwanzaa story drag on for more than the week of Kwanzaa? It’s January 7 already — STOP IT!

  77. Marc
    January 7th, 2006 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Oohh, Ted can be a mannequin for JCPenney’s.

    Mary Worth-Wow, they’ve been saying the same dialogue but with different words all week. It’s good to know that people in Mary Worthville have the same color nails as skintone.

  78. mako
    January 7th, 2006 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Emotional distress? I mean, I know this is California, but this won’t even fly there. There is no claim for emotional distress without actual contact or fear of contact. If wilbur ran Jane’s husband over in front of her, well, maybe then. But a divorce because squarehead blondpants was dumb enough to listen to him even though she didn’t want one? The law doesn’t redress plain stupidity. Unless it’s against McDonalds.

  79. Frank Drackman
    January 7th, 2006 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Wow, in Saturdays FC mommie is frying Merkins.

  80. hacky
    January 7th, 2006 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Frazz: Proof at last in the whole “Frazz-is-actually-twentysomething-Calvin” debate: He’s helping the kids build a ginormous brachyosaurus out of snow:

    http://www.comics.com/comics/frazz/

  81. Malcolm
    January 7th, 2006 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    From the archive examples only, the Judge Parker artist doesn’t seem to like drawing any full figures, check them out.

    Always mid-shots or head shots.
    Therefore I was somewhat surprised to find that he’d drawn sufficiently “south” to show camel toe.

    I can’t access the latest strips, King archives a month behind, and my local paper doesn’t carry JP, so for the first time in living memory I’ll be looking out for a soap strip.

    Shoot me now, please.

  82. Marc
    January 7th, 2006 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    FC mommy is supposed to be making “Rice Quik” but with the black squiggles above the skillet, it doesn’t look to appetizing…also, don’t you cook packaged rice in the microwave….not a skillet (unless making a stir-fry, which is too multi-cultural for FC).

    Today Ted Forth is thinking about his Scooby-Doo idea, of living in a “Mystery Machine” and sporting ascots.

    Hi and Lois really isnt using a big vocabulary today.
    “Nice Fire”
    “Yeah, I’m going to get cozy”
    Yet, I would not deem today’s comic appropriate for younger readers, because it hints at comic strip character’s sex lives. Shudder.

    Gen. Halftrack’s wife has abnormally small legs for her body structure.

    We learn Dagwood has no windows in the front of his house.

    Get Fuzzy is actually funny today..

    In Sunday’s comics, Sally Forth is playing the “exposition game” (if any of you remember from Jan 2005 archives) in the first panel.

    Don’t get excited over Mary Worth, it’s basically a recap of this week’s happening (which is just really recaps everyday)

  83. gradioc
    January 7th, 2006 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Curtis may have only about 8 jokes used over and over, but even that is preferable to the annual descent into Kwaanza story Hell. Maybe one of these characters can turn himself into an original idea. If so it will the first one seen in Curtis for years.

  84. Bill Peschel
    January 7th, 2006 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    I thought it would be obvious to you all by now …

    Pro Blogger!

    (and, yes, I did leave the same message on the Luann thread. Guess I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue!)

  85. Islamorada Girl
    January 7th, 2006 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Yo, yo, T-For needs to hook some bling, drink a fo’ty an’ pop a cap on
    Eminmen’s ass, yo!

    Ted Forth: ghetto fabulous.

  86. Sheila
    January 7th, 2006 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Gradioc — good point — the Kwanzaa thing isn’t EVEN original, it’s just that frickin’ Flyspeck Island chameleon up to his tricks again. Hahahaha NOT.

  87. Marc
    January 7th, 2006 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    It’s times like these I’m glad my newspaper doesnt have Curtis. The only comic strip my newspaper carries, that isnt semi racist (housebroken, ahem) is Jump Start. Let’s face it, they don’t even look black in the sunday comics (color) that much anyway.

  88. Dub Not Dubya
    January 7th, 2006 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Hey Malcolm re 81: you can get up to date Judge Parker (and many other strips) here:

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComics.mpl

    You can curse me later.

  89. kelseyg
    January 7th, 2006 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    “Ces offers sample Ted dialogue for these jobs over at Drink At Work.”

    For some reason the “ces” made my brain read that as french, and I kept reading it over and over and couldn’t understand it.

    And even that was more entertaining the this comic.

  90. Malcolm
    January 7th, 2006 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Thanks Dub. I was able to access the strip there.

    Frank, you’re obviously young or have been incarcerated in some monastery until now, but that’s no camel toe.

    The difference between a pair of pants hich cling to the female form and those which display a camel toe is subtle, but definite.
    I’m sure, the internet being what it is, you merely need to type “camel toe” into Google Images and you will open up a pandora’s box of explanatory pics.

    Anyone else hot in here?

  91. Some Guy Here
    January 7th, 2006 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    Uhhhh…see what I said on Ces’ page

  92. Some Guy Here
    January 7th, 2006 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    Uhhhh…see what I said on Ces’ page

  93. Rusty
    January 7th, 2006 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    #43 concerrned Citizen: I realize Ces is a male (which he has politely confirmed), my point was that one would never know that when reading SF. Although the strip is not in my daily paper and I only catch it over here or sometimes in the boston Globe. Ted has always struck me as a male character imagined by a female. Plus he is drawn as as a bit of a poofter.

  94. Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute
    January 7th, 2006 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    There’s just sooo much the Tedster can do. Here’s a few more ideas:

    Blimp operator
    Ryan Seacrest’s personal assistant
    Carnie
    Matador
    Walmart greeter
    Professional sperm donor
    Tackling dummy
    Ted Koppel look alike
    Male prostitute, Oh wait, that’s my job. Never mind.

  95. Dennis Jimenez
    January 8th, 2006 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    1.8.2005 – SF – Hey Ces,

    I don’t know what a Calvin and Hobbs style snowman is, but it reminds me of an old joke from the Reagan administration.

    Apparently someone wrote in urine in the snow, “Reagan Sucks.” The secret service was on the case – they used DNA analysis to determine the urine came from Walter Mondale. Of course the bad news was the hand writing was Nancy’s. Ba da bum….

  96. Halibut
    January 8th, 2006 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Men’s room attendant
    Drug abuse counselor (Oh, the jocularity!)
    Suicide hotline counselor (Ditto!)
    Senator from North Carolina
    Foot model
    Home Shopping Channel “host”
    Regis’ wacky sidekick (Lord knows he needs one)
    TV weatherman
    Damp-Rid spokesman
    Nattering nabob of negativity

  97. Lor
    January 8th, 2006 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Archivist and cleaning lady for the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC)

  98. Lor
    January 8th, 2006 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    Say, is that Rex and June making a cameo appearance in Sunday’s Phantom?

  99. Hank Kimble
    January 8th, 2006 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Good to see the writers of Gil Thorp are up with the times. Ted’s speaking in third person.

  100. Dr. Laura
    January 8th, 2006 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail informs me this morning that the leaves of the cocoa plant contain the drug cocaine! Why am I not getting a buzz from the Swiss Miss I just snorted?

  101. Bill Peschel
    January 8th, 2006 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Lor, Good eyes! That’s gotta be June, with the eye-impaling flip and the chest-impaling hooters.

  102. yellojkt
    January 8th, 2006 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    Quit picking on Ted. He’s my hero.

  103. Firegoatness
    January 8th, 2006 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I went to the Judge Parker link. And learned that Sam Driver is allegedly 33 years old. My ass.

  104. Frank Drackman
    January 8th, 2006 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    In Canada the term for “Camel Toe” is “Moose Knuckle”.

  105. Ferd Berfel
    January 8th, 2006 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    It’s obvious Ted’s dream job is that of a professional maschocistic slave. Face it, Sally has been whipping on him for years and he hasn’t left, so he must *like* being dominated.

    He could rent himself out to wannbe dominatrixs and then get paid big bucks for being whipped and hot waxed.

    Then again Mistress Sally might not let him…

  106. mfdshan
    January 9th, 2006 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Hillary’s new teacher. She’ll pay dearly for choosing Kitty over Gay Paree.

  107. rich
    January 9th, 2006 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    93: I think Sally Forth last appeared in the Boston Globe around 1985. Then it may have run briefly in the Herald, about ten years ago.

  108. MLH
    January 9th, 2006 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Divorced Man
    Corrupt Television Preacher
    Astronaut
    Shepherd

  109. Dan Perducci
    January 9th, 2006 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    1.) Crossing guard
    2.) Ice cream man
    3.) Temp worker at suicide hotline
    4.) Newspaper delivery
    5.) Selling roses at male strip clubs
    6.) Dog walker
    7.) Starbucks ‘barista’
    8.) Personal assistant
    9.) Cartoonist – it works for Family Circus!
    10). Undercover narc at high school

  110. Johnny Hart
    January 11th, 2006 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    I hope wherever Ted lands in his new job, they let him continue to dress like he’s stuck in the 1980′s. Even friggin’ LAW FIRMS don’t make ya wear a tie any more.

    Or maybe he should just go the “stay at home dad” route. Clearly Sal is the breadwinner in this family and makes all the rules. Ted should stay home, put on a dress, and keep the Forth homestead nice and tidy, say I.

  111. Dan Perducci
    January 11th, 2006 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    110. The ‘necktie’ is comic shorthand for having a career just like the ‘tank top’ is television shorthand for either a meth-head or a wife beater. Hence the slang term ‘wifebeater.’ The stereotypical attire of a tie for a career dad is no more unusual than the lampshade over the head (or the presence of a bimbo dancing with Mr. Lockhorn) indicates that the Lockhorns are at a party!

  112. Johnny Hart
    January 13th, 2006 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Dan, you are on to something! Cartoonists seem to love to state the obvious, kind of like when Cathy is talking to her accountant, he’s sitting behind a desk that says “accountant” on it.

    Also, in Foob Better And/Or Worst, they ALWAYS show tall evergreens in the background, and snow from October through May, to remind you the strip takes place IN CANADA, DAMMIT.

    Next, tell me why “Hi” of “Hi and Lois” fame wears a sweater year-round. Heh…

  113. Mr. Othmar
    January 13th, 2006 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    For a somewhat realistic idea, I would suggest sending Ted to vet school (as in veterinarian, not a school for ‘Nam vets) and eventually give him a job as a small animal vet. He could be inspired by the plight of that darn cat that was in a past story line.

    Or…..I see where several variations of ‘Gay Ted’ or ‘Gay Porn Ted’ have been suggested. Since Ted appears to enjoy the supporting role and not necessarily the spotlight, maybe Ted could be a fluffer for the actual gay porn stars.

    Either that or a televangelist.

  114. marion delgado
    February 24th, 2006 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Puleeze. It’s an open secret that Greg Howard knew a lesbian couple and wanted to do a strip about them, but realized it would never sell.

    Hence, Ted’s dialog often includes statements like “Honey … I feel *old*!” (looking in a mirror).

    Once you realize Sally and Ted are both women, the whole strip makes sense (and is somewhat funny).

    (this weirdly ended up on another post)

  115. Roger M. Wilcox
    June 2nd, 2013 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Would that be a lion-team Voltron pilot, or a vehicle-team Voltron pilot?

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