The Comics Curmudgeon

105 responses to “Dr. Wilkins’ Fantasmagorical Kwanazaamatorium”

1. Ned Ryerson
   January 4th, 2010 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

   I dunno, Lukey. Why are any of us here? And what the hell is that ladle for?

2. Ned Ryerson
   January 4th, 2010 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

   …and why is there a barrel of loofahs at the general store?

3. Sequitur
   January 4th, 2010 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

   Josh. What you see in Pluggers is the equivalent of a Plugger brain fart. He doesn’t really realize what he said.

4. Sequitur
   January 4th, 2010 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

   @Ned Ryerson (#1): Well shoot. That there ladle’s for bangin’ on da pot!

5. Genghis Khan
   January 4th, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

   it seems Lukey is not the only one suffering from dementia, as the manager is obviously trapped in the belief, that he is, in fact, a dog.

6. One-eyed Wolfdog
   January 4th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

   Pluggers’ taste buds have been obliterated by their lifelong commitment to cheap fast food and grain alcohol, and Pluggers find security and comfort in a world of uniform blandness.

7. Dragon of Life
   January 4th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

   “Some things weren’t better in the good ol’ day. Like having a soul. That was awful… right? Please say I’m right…” Or I could be mistaken about the source of that withered facial expression, and he’s just missing his skull or something.

8. Krazy Kat
   January 4th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

   @Ned Ryerson (#2): That looks more like a barrel of crackers to me. Like a… cracker barrel. Wait, is BG&SS hiding clever little visual easter eggs for their more astute bumpkin readers?

9. BigTed
   January 4th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

   From the look on ol’ Lukey’s face (and his newfound interest in the Big Questions of life), he just stuffed his corncob pipe with tobaccy that’s downright wacky.

10. Ed Dravecky
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    B.C.: Ha! It’s funny because in caveman times they used cassette tapes instead of CDs or iTunes.

    Baldo: Not a frakkin’ clue why the lady is grinning in panel #4 but “mija” is a slang shortening of the phrase “mi hija”, Spanish for “my daughter”. If Tia Carmen is about to find out that she has a daughter from a college romance that she doesn’t know about, I call shenanigans.

    Crankshaft: Ed Crankshaft is happy and smiling?! When did Tom Batiuk stop writing this strip?

    Gil Thorp: Is it worse that Gil Thorp’s only insight into Kirtland is that its basketball players are “tall” or that both sides are wearing home whites in an effort to make the strip just that much less visually comprehensible?

    Mary Worth: Wilbur must be carbo-loading for the Santa Royal Ironman Triathlon since his meal consists entirely of rice, tortillas, and Crackers™ brand crackers.

    Mutts: Ha! It’s funny because he’s a fat cat that hates Mondays. Stupid Mondays.

    Pluggers: But US postage stamp adhesive has been essentially flavorless for decades so unless you’re posting dozens of letters at a time, and in which case you’d have a little damp sponge in a bowl like my Mom used to keep on her desk, you wouldn’t even notice the… argh! I’m over-thinking a Pluggers panel. Kill me now.

11. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: If you take that pencil that’s on ol’ Fartly Gomore’s (or whatever the shopkeeper’s name is) ear and make it in real human proportions, it would be the size of the pencils they gave us in the 1st grade. You know, those big huge things that you almost had to rest on your shoulder when you wrote with them.

12. BigTed
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    So Pluggers have finally discovered self-adhesive stamps? In another decade or so, they’ll learn that you can actually send letters without stamps, through a futuristic process called “AOL.”

13. bats :[
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#2): I’m pretty sure those are crackers (and that’s a jen-you-wine “cracker barrel”).
    The third cracker from the left, however, is smiling at me. I’m skeered…

14. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    MW, Panel 1 Narration (Corrected): “Wilbur angrily continues trying to form a sandwich out of crackers and rice.”

15. bats :[
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Huh. I think I’ve discovered what Mark Trail’s secret hobby is when he isn’t writing, camping, fishing or punching random strangers…

16. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: Another thing I don’t understand bout the hillbillies is their ability to make their mouths magically move from one side of their face to the other, not unlike the eye migration common to the Winter Flounder or Pseudopleuronectes americanus. I see a Sunday Mark Trail in here somewhere.

17. Jym
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    =v= Pluggers: I have noticed through the years that Pluggers do embrace newfangled conveniences from time to time, particularly the ones with the highest carbon footprint. Self-adhesive stamps kill twice as many trees and generate a waste stream, so of course Pluggers love ‘em.

18. Obi-Haiv
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: In his own mind, Phil’s disturbingly small hand in panel three makes his own baton look huge in comparison, if you know what I mean.

19. Patrick
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Josh, your mistake is in thinking that Pluggers takes place in our time, instead of the far, far, far distant future in which animal-human hybrids have taken over the world. Unfortunately, their brains were synthesized from a big vat of grandpas, and thus their distrust of technology.

20. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy made me laugh today. I’ll check back again in early 2011.

21. Aviatrix
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Ed Dravecky @10 – Pluggers only just ran out of decades old stamps that were in the back of their credenza. Oh wait, no, that’s me.

22. walty
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers prefer spending a half hour trying to peel off a thin tiny sticker with their swollen arthritic paws to tearing and licking at something? This is a brave new world.

23. Tacy
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#10): The lady in Baldo is grinning because she’s a scam artist who thinks she has found an easy mark in Tia Carmen. This strip is a rerun.

24. Anna Nimity of the 2010 Jungle Patrol
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    http://www.cafepress.com/joshreads.425293548

    A Josh in the hand is worth two in the …. Oh dear, dear, dear…

25. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    It does put a certain spin on the words “My face on your stuff”, doesn’t it?

26. Angry Kem
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    The dog Plugger has stolen the Perfesser’s desk and all the detritus that litters it. I think he is actually an anthropomorphic mass murderer. He roves through the talking-animal comics, killing indiscriminately, helping himself to a desk here, a thermostat there. He has so far avoided being caught only by boring the living snot out of us all via inane stamp-based chatter. It is entirely possible that he is a minion of Marmaduke, and he will eventually turn on us and attempt to eat our souls.

    I think I need to get out more.

27. 150
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    I think what makes me angriest about Snuffy Smith is that there are no hillbillies anymore. It’s a stereotype whose basis in reality vanished two generations ago. Like Beetle Bailey, Crock, and The Wizard of Id, the settings are so far removed from modern fact that they can no longer effectively comment on the institutions they parody, and serve as mere window dressing for dull, untargeted humor. Today’s strip could be performed by B.C.’s cavemen, the Lockhorns, or Pluggers, with only marginal changes in diction and layout. Snuffy Smith has nothing to say about hill folk, and in consequence, has nothing to say at all.

    Thank you, Josh, for creating a place for me to say something so smart about something so stupid.

28. Little Guy
    January 4th, 2010 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    KwaanzaGate SG-1: Okay, add me to those expecting a Christopher Judge cameo somewhere this week.

29. Anna Nimity of the 2010 Jungle Patrol
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @One-eyed Wolfdog (#25): LOL Wolfdog! Indeed… and “in your face” as well…

30. TheDiva
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Access to information from around the world? Bah. Medical advances? Who cares (unless they come in pill form)? More fuel-efficient vehicles? Hippie trash! Self-adhesive stamps? It’s a miracle! What an age we live in!

31. bats :[
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Anna Nimity of the 2010 Jungle Patrol (#24): the description of the product mentions throwing them onstage during a favorite rockstar’s concert.
    And you know what? I’ll bet Weird Al Yankovic would be okay with that.

32. Darkefang
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I guess Wilson has learned a lesson from his Judge Parker writing experience: If you can’t write interesting plots that hold the reader’s interest, add another pair of tits to the household.

33. Chyron HR
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Curtis – Stupid n00b. That instance is for a raid party of at least 12 people. Is Rabi DPS or teh healz?

34. zerowolf
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Rabi is going to a place that causes the demise of comic strip characters?. Is Tom Batiuk expecting visitors?

35. rich bachelor
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    The thing that grates so much about the yearly Kwanz-stravaganza at “Curtis”’s place is that right now they’d like me to take them seriously, then they will spend the rest of the year sullying such a venerable holiday -by association- with endless stupid jokes about how your dad doesn’t know what an iphone is, or something. Kinda like how Brad from “Luanne” only has dots for eyes, but occasionally will be portrayed with six-pack abs; make up your damn mind, man!

36. bats :[
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    But Darkefang! You never know what might happen under the guise of most-likely-not-interesting plots! Back at stately Morgan Manor…

37. Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Josh, there are no grizzlies in Appalachia, but, given your grasp of the great outdoors, well, you didn’t miss as badly as you usually do.

38. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    his sentient animal friends … apparently do not have souls

    Finally, evidence that furries don’t yiff in Hell.

39. John Small Berries
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Wait, does Kwanzaa involve a Stargate? I’m so confused.

40. GirlyQ
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Kwanzaa-rama is my favorite time of year. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Like your aunt who has too much to drink at family dinner and tells you all about how she was abducted by telepathic otters and the government is covering it up.

    I said it yesterday, and I’ll say it again: If the writers of Edge City would just get on the post-Hanukkah nonsensical comic extravaganza, the world would be a better place. We could have a minority religion comic showdown! We have all kinds of crazy-ass Jewish legends.

    It would truly make me proud to be a Jew.

    Unlike Funky Winkerbean, which makes me ashamed to be alive, and not in the bottom of a bottle.

41. Ned Ryerson
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#13): That’s pretty cool how all them crackers is standing up and peering over the edge of that barrel. “Pick me, toothless yokel, pick me! I’m so stale, you can gum me!”

42. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy: “Hey, kids, can you find nine crackers in today’s strip?”

43. JupiterPluvius
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    I thought that “riding inside the mouth of a pet hippo” was approaching “glowing telepathic otter” levels of insanity myself.

44. Jackuul
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Madness? THIS IS PLUGGERS!

45. Baka Gaijin
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    Rose is Rose: AAaaaahh! That smarmy cheery pricklyheaded twit is scared of clowns, too! AAAahhhh! Why couldn’t I share a neurosis with someone cool, like Cedric the Butler, Wolverine, or Ted Forth? AAaaaaahhhh!

    PS-Frozen clowns are not scary clowns. Frozen clowns are just about the best kind of clown there is.

46. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#45):

    Frozen clowns, like those chained to logs, are easiest to escape from, as a general rule.

47. Josh
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer (#37): It is true that I am a flatlander and a nature-hating city boy, but believe it or not, I was actually thinking of the Ozarks when I typed “Grizzlies” (although in fact I’ve already proved with science that BG&SS takes place in Appalachia somewhere). The Ozarks are just barely in the grizzly’s “historic range”, though I’m not sure what relationship the achronological world of Snuffy Smith has with “history.”

    Josh

48. Crankenstank
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith — Magic ladle!!

49. Old School Allie Cat
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    My name is Funky W. – I’m not sure what this says about me, but I found Sunday’s strip where Funky battles with the demon champagne to be a lot more compelling than a rehash of Special K and Summer’s driving statuses. Also, Les, you just need to go ahead and hit that. Her patience does have limits, and really, I’m pretty sure that Lisa would give you a cosmic high-five from Heaven.

    Luann – And here I thought “tickets to the auto show” was a euphemism for something fun and kinky.

50. Violet
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Okay, didn’t self-adhesive stamps only come into widespread use in the 90s? As such, pretty much everyone remembers when you had to lick stamps, not just 700-year-old Luddites. So tomorrow are we going to be treated to chicken lady waxing nostalgic about Kurt Cobain?

51. GNemec
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Ritzy Fritz (#16):

    Of course that should be a Sunday Mark Trail, or a daily Mark Trail, as most of the “attractive” women in the strip also suffer from “eye drift”.

52. KarMann
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#36):
    I must know, but the visual isn’t quite clear enough, in that RMMD “Big Monday Crisis” mashup, whose face did you put on the milk carton?

53. Écureuil Écumant
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @32 Darkefang said:

    RMMD: I guess Wilson has learned a lesson from his Judge Parker writing experience: If you can’t write interesting plots that hold the reader’s interest, add another pair of tits to the household.

    Sounds good to me, but I’m not sure then why he introduced Brook instead of a sow, which would’ve saved him anywhere between three and fifteen new characters, and also been a suitable counterpart to Sultan.

    Not that I’m complaining, though.

54. Poteet
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#47):

    I think, though I’m not sure, that Appalachia used to have wolves and mountain lions, but has them no more. And black bears strongly prefer eating berries to attacking people. I would hope that when a Hootin’ Holler elder is abandoned on a rocky hillside, he or she would be given a few jugs of corn likker. Drinking them would be more fatal than being gnawed on by, say, a raccoon.

55. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Violet (#50): The self-adhesive stamp was first used in tropical climates as early as 1964 and the US Postal Service started using them in 1974.

56. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Violet (#50): Oh. But you are correct about the “wide-spread” use. It was 2002 before they were used exclusively by the Post Office.

57. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#52): Is it Rusty?

    No. It works quite fine, thank you.

58. bats :[
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#52): Who else would most fit our adorable little tyke who has gone missing? (well, and that someone might at least pretend to be looking for…)

59. Steve S
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    I think your Snuffy Smith suggestion would be more accurate if you inserted “his family, friends and” between “eaten by” and “grizzlies.”

60. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Muffaroo at y230. It just occurred to me why your Uncle Lumpy theory may not work this time. Didn’t he get bent out of shape over a timing chain the Lumpymobile needed?

61. Niall
    January 4th, 2010 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Steve the Pocket: I was able to catch up on your webcomic Mandy, and have to admit, the Hallowe’en strip can count as both fetish fuel and nightmare fuel at the same time – for the same people. Impressive. :)

    True Fable: How are you doing with the violin? I admit I can only fiddle with it (ha ha) but having a good ear was important in being able to determine where the fingers go. From there, it’s sheer practice, and it’s all bowing. Really, getting the right notes is a distant second to simply holding hte violin, not touching any strings, and practice that bow hand until even the same steady empty string sound is melodious and soft and flows well.

    Poteet, I’m joining you in being Curtisless except at Kwanzaaaaaaaaa.

    Help me, I’m trying to catch up on the Thread of Doom… (which showed that the redesign can’t handle 4-digit numbers, at least on IE 6 at work where it loops from 999 to 000 – but that’s not a situation that’ll happen often, so no need to fix it.)

62. mr 12 oz can
    January 4th, 2010 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    maryworth -what is the timeframe of this story because he never changes his clothes and just keeps eating . if i was him id patent that duffle bag that kurt changed into a backpack
    mark trail- well at least andys in todays panal
    apt 3g – come on doctor you had to know the dingbat was married now clean

    the rice pudding out of your boxers
    gil thorp-id almost prefer cathy over this garbage almost but its so good when people make fun of it
    scary gary – just found out about this strip real funny they need to put a book out

63. gnome de blog
    January 4th, 2010 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#47):
    It is possible – though not likely – that Snuffy Smif lives in northern Idaho. There definitely be grizzlies thar.

64. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2010 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith lives on a movie set. Probably the one used for Heidi.

65. Death to the FOOBS!
    January 4th, 2010 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Good god, I jut chokled back a little sob seeing the linked-Curtis strip with a “They’ll Do It Every Time.” I didn’t realise how much I missed it…

66. Violet
    January 4th, 2010 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    I think this year’s Kwanztrosity could really distinguish itself by having Rabi pass through the mystery portal and end up in regular Curtis. Then when he gets back his talking animal and sentient musical instrument buddies could be like, no one knows what otherworldly adventures Rabi met with in the forbidden realm, only that he speaks in hushed tones of some esoteric entities known only as “the kids” with their “rap music.”

67. KarMann
    January 4th, 2010 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#58):
    Well, my first thoughts were the likes of Cue, the old people in his crib, Barney Google, Wally Winkerbean, Diane (or is it Diana? Stripey-butt’s wife), or the Morgans themselves during their cruise. But those are adults, not “tykes”. Brook, but those eyebrows look too dark. Coach Thorp’s kids, but I have no idea what they look like. Dennis with Menace. Rusty, but it doesn’t look deformed enough… but… it IS Rusty! Isn’t it? Today’s MT panel 2? Though the eyebrow on the right doesn’t seem to quite match up; I’m sure there are similar-enough panels, though. And he hasn’t been missing so much, though he is in the “Lost” Forest.

68. Death to the FOOBS!
    January 4th, 2010 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Violet 66: note, it’s “rap junk!”

69. Charterstoned
    January 4th, 2010 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    MW – I see that Wilbur is tucking in to leftovers of the beige glop Dawn was dishing up in the week before Christmas. I’m no nutrition expert, but it seems to me that even if that stuff was refrigerated, it’s probably too old to be safe to eat (even by Mary Worth’s “These Salmon Squares Will Keep Until Next Summer’s Pool Party” standards). With Wilbur’s first bite, maybe what we’ll be seeing is the next medical twist in this story line: a certain Weston Demon being put to rest, thanks to the modern miracle of ptomaine poisoning!

70. Harold
    January 4th, 2010 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#2): And when did the general store become a Bath & Body Works?

71. Comcis Fan
    January 4th, 2010 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    From the “Overheard in the Newsroom” site, thought you all would enjoy:

    Overheard in the Newsroom #2565: Managing Editor after an angry call from a reader: “Marmaduke! She just chewed my ass out over Marmaduke.”

72. Joe Blevins
    January 4th, 2010 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: The shopkeep is laughing to cover up his greatest fear — that someone will one day want to actually purchase that bucket. Also, it looks like Snuffy and Lukey are — in a surpisingly common funny-pages trope — flashing gang signs in panel 1.

    PLUGGERS: Reading this Pluggers is like finding that You Have Reached the End of the Internet page. If tomorrow’s Pluggers is a blank panel, I’ll know my theory is correct.

73. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 4th, 2010 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#13): I clicked your name…. gah…… can’t get image out of my brain….

    Then again, that’s about the happiest I’ve ever seen Wilbur.

    @mr 12 oz can (#62): Andy’s not only back; he’s at the head of the table with the menfolk, right where he belongs.

74. zerowolf
    January 4th, 2010 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    PBS: Get Fuzzy did the sovereign nation succeeding from the house a few months ago.

75. zerowolf
    January 4th, 2010 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    MT: See Mark, she’s not buying this story either.

76. wossname
    January 4th, 2010 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#73): Re bats :[ on Wilbur and Kurt – GAAAAHHH! What bourbon babe said! Brain bleach stat!

77. Aviatrix
    January 4th, 2010 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#72): Joe, I assumed at first that pluggers had finally discovered the Internet, hence no longer needed stamps. How far off was I? Oh about as far off as that Wilbur/Kurt comic is from whatever the actual resolution of this storyline will be. I want it to be a scam, but I fear it will be a heartwarming lesson for Dawn to accept that she is not the epicentre of Wilbur’s universe. And maybe move out already!?

78. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 4th, 2010 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#77): Or a heartwarming lesson for Dawn that she might think she can boink someone without any consequences, but one always pays a steep price for fornication.

79. wossname
    January 4th, 2010 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    77 Aviatrix and 78 bourbon babe: If I had to guess, I would guess it’s not Dawn who will get the heartwarming lesson, but Wilbur, who will learn either (a) that family is everything and he and Kurt both love Abby (gag) or (b) never to trust anyone who approaches you on the Intertubes. Well, maybe (b) isn’t very heartwarming. Dawn will just be the Greek chorus until Mary sweeps in and takes over the advising.

80. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#79): Oh, I don’t know; if, from now on, Wilbur collapses into a whimpering, drooling, quivering heap every time someone opens up IE in his presence, my heart will be warmed!

81. Muffaroo
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#60): It might be. We all know the importance of timing. (See Brooks, Albert: “Say it with me… ‘timing.’” See also Spiegelman, Art: “Dead men don’t bleed. Dead men don’t bleed. Dead men don’t bleed. Dead men don’t bleed. Dead men don’t bleed. Dead men don’t bleed. Dead men don’t bleed.”) A tik-a tik-a tik-a timing!

82. tb4000
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    Tracy’s Dick: “I don’t give a treble about that troublemaker!”

    Really, guys? After all these years of horrible puns, THAT was the best you could do today? Fuck off.

83. KarMann
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#80):
    

    [I]f, from now on, Wilbur collapses into a whimpering, drooling, quivering heap every time someone opens up IE in his presence, my heart will be warmed!

    Well, heck, if that’s what you want to see, I already do that.

84. Charterstoned
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    79 – Wossname – Now that you mention it, though, Mary hasn’t been much of a player in the last couple of episodes, has she? –at least, not up to her usual standards of Platitudinous Meddling. I mean, other than admitting to liking Rodgers and Hammerstein, and maybe furrowing a brow in concern now and again, she hasn’t really inserted her own Worthiness in the same way that resulted in, say, Aldo Kelrast steering his car over the escarpment in a drunken haze of Mary-induced guilt and humiliation. I think it’s time for Mary to visit her Fortress of Solitude so that she can recharge and then bring her full Meddlin’ Powers to bear on this interloping Kurt fellow.

85. DavidMac
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    PLUGGERS: Are we off the gold standard yet? And when did these stamps go up to 3 cents??

86. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @Charterstoned (#84): Mary will need her full powers, with so many victims poor souls in need of meddling: Kurt, for his impulsive “I wanna be your son now” moves; Dawn, for her refusal to accept the possibility that her dad had sex twice; and of course, Wilbur, for his ignorance of how babies get made.

87. Anonnn
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    I keep thinking of this song as I read this year’s Kwanzaa madness!

    Josh, love the site redesign!

88. wossname
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Charterstoned (#84): Charterstoned, you are so right. The last time I remember her truly meddling was with Delilah. She spent a lot of time spouting platitudes at Adrian while Scott lay at Death’s Door, but she didn’t really affect the course of events, unless I’m forgetting something. But wait — did she persuade Adrian to Put On The Ring? and Not Give Up Hope?

89. Anna Nimity of the 2010 Jungle Patrol
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#1): Ned? Ned Ryerson? Needle Nose Ned? Still selling life insurance? Am I right? Am I right? Bing!

    [Ned Ryerson = best screen name ev-ah!]

90. Charterstoned
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#86): bb,u, the day I see Mary Worth explaining to Wilbur how babies get made is the day I pluck my eyeballs out of their sockets. Gaaaagghhh! Must! Erase! Image!

91. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @Charterstoned (#90): But….but it’s not as if I described the hands-on demonstration or anything! (“Now, hold still, Wilbur! You see, this goes in here—Stop crying, Wilbur!”)

92. Charterstoned
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#91): Aaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Josh, make it stop!!!!

93. Charterstoned
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#91): Great. Now I’m imagining Mary and Wilbur, afterwards. “Was that as good for you as it was for me?” “Oh, yes! Have a Salmon Square!”

94. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Charterstoned (#93):
    

    “Oh, yes! Have a Salmon Square!”

    Of course, by that point, Wilbur would probably have had his fill of “salmon squares,” if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

95. J. E. Eves
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#45):

    Have you been sideswiped by the USPS clown ad yet? Save yourself!

96. bats :[
    January 4th, 2010 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#67): It is RUSTY! But actually from a few months back (or the week before, if you count in Trail days) — it’s that full, smilin’ face of his when he and Mark were camping in the swamp and he was all excited about fishin’. (In all honesty, I can’t recall the actual situation — I used it to have him hallucinating about dancing marshmallows, and to have him staring at Dick Tracy’s circus tiger, while AeroSquid used him as a picture on Mary Worth’s (?) wall. Ah, the joys of a “stash”!)

97. Écureuil Écumant
    January 4th, 2010 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @55 Sequitur said:

    The self-adhesive stamp was first used in tropical climates as early as 1964

    Trust me, in tropical climes (e.g. Hawaii), there has never been any such thing as a non-self-adhesive stamp. As my youthful stamp-collection album quickly discovered, to its great chagrin. Stamps would go from somewhat normal, to drippy-mucilaginous, to dessicated and stuck inseparably together as quickly as Mary’s, well, salmon squares.

98. Ukulele Ike
    January 4th, 2010 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    DT: I don’t give a bass about that bastard!

    I don’t give an alto about that asshole!

    I don’t give a descant about that dirtbag!

    I don’t give a soprano about that son of a bitch!

    I don’t give a pizzacato for this penis!

    …..whatever. I care not for this dim innuendo.

99. mr 12 oz can
    January 4th, 2010 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    bourban babe andy has danced with mark at least twice in 2 weeks but hes still not his constant companion

100. buzz buzzard
     January 4th, 2010 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

     We need to see more of Veronica’s dad, Mr. Lodge, in Archie. He’s like a bomb constantly in danger of going off. Year’s ago, there was a strip where Jughead brought over a Rubick’s cube (actually a knock off of a Rubick’s cube because they couldn’t use the real copyrighted name in the strip). Mr. Lodge took it from Jughead, saying that solving the puzzle would child’s play for him. He messed around with it for a couple of frames, getting more and more agitated, and finally said “what is wrong with this…stupid…FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!” (I know, it’s schocking but they actually printed that in the paper.) Then he kicked it into the next room where it landed at Juggy’s feet, competely solved as a result of the impact of the kick.

101. Black Drazon
     January 5th, 2010 at 12:41 am [Reply]

     And speaking of people who will not suffer a witch to live, it’s the Snuffy Smith crew!

102. Just some guy
     January 5th, 2010 at 3:22 am [Reply]

     You think I just want another puzzle to solve? Another John G. to look for? You’re John G. So you can be my John G… Will I lie to myself to be happy? In your case Snuffy… yes I will.
     Remember Sammy Jankis.

103. bunivasal
     January 5th, 2010 at 5:29 am [Reply]

     From the look on Lukey’s face, I’d say that wasn’t a philosophikal question so much as a plea for reassurance, reassurance that life in Hootin’ Holler is worth living. With no reassurance forthcoming, certainly he’ll murder the whole town desperately searching for some semblance of meaning.

104. mordock999
     January 5th, 2010 at 8:13 am [Reply]

     Today’s Luann – 01/05/10 -

     Toni – “Brad do you mind if I looked under the hood?”

     Brad – “Nope.”

     Toni- “Do you mind if did it while wearing an “I Dream of Jeanie” outfit?

     Brad – “Nope.”

     Toni – “Do you MIND if cut your mother’s legs off at the kneecaps, stuck her bloody stumps in a red wagon and wheeled her around town as a SCREAMING prized trophy?”

     Brad -”Nop…, HEY, cut THAT out Toni!”

     Toni – “SORRY, Hon. Just wanted to see if you were listening.”

     _________________________________
     DEATH to TJ!!!

105. Ethan Shuster
     January 5th, 2010 at 10:02 am [Reply]

     Lukey continued to ponder his own existence as the others laughed. Had they resigned themselves to the whims of fate, wisely laughing at the absurdity of any attempt to grasp our purpose in the cosmos? Or were they too set in their ways, too short sighted to see beyond the minutia of their daily lives? In a town where even the local preacher barely saw beyond the collection plate, Lukey was left to ponder the existence of Heaven and Hell without guidance. But today, as the mirthless laughter mocked his search for meaning, he wondered… was THIS Hell?

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