Metapost: Wayback machine comments of the week!
Your COTW momentarily, but first, some items of note! Last week I noted that one might need to (horrors) leave the house and go to the local library to find old soap opera strips, but faithful reader AndyL has another suggestion: the omnipotent Google! Yes, our cybernetic overlord has scanned back images of newspapers, allowing you to see things like Judge Parker from 1963, Apartment 3-G from 1967 (did someone just get acid thrown in their face?), or Mary Worth in 1962. (You may have to scroll around a bit in order to get to those strips.)
Also, faithful reader fillmoreeast offers evidence (cribbed from here) that many of your favorite comics characters once hawked high fructose corn blobs, including (shudder) Marvin.
What A Guy is apparently a comic from Reiner and Hoest, the same people who brought you the Lockhorns. I have no idea what it was about, but I hope it was about some little kid who just always goes around kissing everyone’s ass, proclaiming “What a guy!” about anyone at the drop of hat. As an aded bonus, fillmoreeast points us to another Google-indexed historical moment, this one from 1988, in which a Lakeland Ledger reader from Tampa writes in to complain that her beloved “cute” What A Guy has been replaced by some newfangled thing called Calvin and Hobbes, which she calls “OK but very uninteresting.”
And on that note, here is your totally interesting comment of the week!
“Petey’s pretty flagrant with his web-slinging there, but good job to him for not blurting out, ‘IT WAS SPIDER-MAN AKA PETER PARKER.’” –He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
And your runners up! Also funny!
“Mark Trail: “Ummm … people who punch out a Senator get arrested pretty damned instantly. You ‘expressed concern’ to the wildlife office? I can hear Leonard Nimoy in panel three saying ‘Most illogical.’” –ignatz
“It doesn’t seem to have occurred to Peter that none of these costumes comes with a mask. Which is why ‘Mary Jane Watson’s husband climbs a building in a wizard suit’ is bound to be number 1 on YouTube tomorrow.” –BigTed
“How is that broom hanging from the rack? Is the hook part of the prop? Now all Peter needs is a fake mustache and a spinning bow-tie, and he’s all set to unleash some vaudeville justice.” –bman
“I’m less concerned about Mark talking to Mr. Spock than I am that Boss Hogg is apparently a U.S. Senator now.” –BRWombat
“Is it possible that Batuik is going to impose his own version of Chekov’s Law of Economy in Narrative? ‘If you find a gun in the first panel, it must be completely forgotten by the third, to make way for more suffering and disease’?” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box
“I didn’t know that they sold Lockhorn dolls?! It even comes in a ‘What has two thumbs and hasn’t had sex in forty years?’ pose.” –LUJBEM FEJF
“Panel 1 from A3G is golden. Look at her face! Poor Tommie, moping through life in the shadow of one roommate and the all-encompassing eclipse of the other, has just had her last and final hope of at least a normal life — that age comes hand in hand with wisdom — crushed by the wisest and most honest person she knows. It’s powerful, tragic and, at the very centre of the issues at hand, takes place during someone else’s storyline. Now let’s watch as the story writes itself from here as Tommie’s crushing depression begins to suffocate her, but only in the throwaway Sunday panels most papers don’t even run.” –Black Drazon
“Also, just to make Gunther’s month complete, he let his subscription to Needy Loser magazine expire! Go figure!” –Marion Delgado
“It’s good to see Mark consulting the Romulans on political matters. They served him well in providing a wife.” –migellito
“I think if you were to tell Tommie that ‘life isn’t fair,’ she would be genuinely surprised to hear it. ‘Golly, I always thought it was! Hmmm. Now that you mention it, that makes a lot of sense. Explains a lot, really, like my string of failed relationships or the fact that I share an apartment with the modern-day Lucrezia Borgia.’” –Joe Blevins
“Dawn can’t wait to see the crushing disappointment on Wilbur’s face; it’s like Christmas, only with tears!” –True Fable
“Re: Wilbur (advice columnist) and Toots (slacker/drifter), methinks I detect the mayo-smeared fingerprints of the vast international Sandwich Lobby in the comics. Is nothing sacred? (Other than, perhaps, Baconnaise.)” –mvg
“If it’s 1960, why aren’t the ladies sipping sherry? It’s obviously after 9 a.m.” –shermy glamrocker
“A rare early Family Circus panel depicts the prequel to Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? with a hydrocephalic Dolly in the title role. Note the audience of matronly drag queens she has invited into the living room, to the horror of her mother.” –Doug Starr Twinkle
“Ok, if faced with the fill-in-the-blank ‘you’re a ___ couple if you can wear each other’s jeans,’ I’d have said gay. Why is Pluggers insulting my people like that? (Obviously I meant that as a gay, not as a monstrous suburban furry.)” –edp
“It’s heavy … but I like it. I could probably crush an esophagus pretty easily with this. Now cough up some real money, you hippie.” –Taquelli
“GT: GO Ñ!” –Red Greenback
“Toots’ plan to remain hidden will fail because 1) Sarah has no way to conceal the skateboard, 2) June will detect his life signs with her tricorder, and 3) Abby just took the only food he’s had in days. He’ll be found out by nightfall (aka ‘late May 2010′).” –Ed Dravecky
“Strangely enough, Peter Parker has hit upon the perfect costume for a Miami super-hero: ‘Raving at an all-night beach circuit party in an angel costume, mild-mannered Rafi Aguilar was transformed into the Amazing Guardian Angel when he took ecstasy laced with radioactive ketamine!!” –teddytoad
“I find it strange that Mr. Prisoner has a checkbook in prison, where the barter system is the accepted mode of paying debts. Sam should have held out for $100,000 worth of cigarettes and/or blowjobs.” –Rusty
“Be careful with your addictions, Wilbur. Sandwiches are comforting, but they’re a just a ‘gateway’ food. Soon, you’ll begin experimenting with wraps, then pita pockets and gyros. I only pray you’ll seek help before you find yourself drawn helplessly into the dark underworld of paninis.” –Perky Bird
Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And here is where we would give thanks to our advertisers, were there any to thank! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot — and how you could be the launch advertiser for our new RSS feed sponsorship — click here.
Uncle Lumpy
March 9th, 2010 at 12:00 am
Perky Bird —
Wilbur is in no danger from paninis. He just learned that he is not a pa, and clearly has no pinis.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 12:12 am
@Uncle Lumpy (#1): HEE! HEE! HEE!
I LOVE A GOOD PINIS JOKE!
gsplit
March 9th, 2010 at 12:22 am
Wow. Morning Funnies. I remember that from back in the day (1987, I presume?). I recall that even my 10 year old self found it very yucky and disturbing – a bit too sickeningly sweet for my tastes. But enough about Jeffy, the cereal sucked, too.
Brucker
March 9th, 2010 at 12:27 am
RE: 1967 comics page – Am I the only one who’s more shocked by the five clubs bid in the Bridge column than the idea that Margo might have thrown acid in somebody’s face?
Rusty
March 9th, 2010 at 12:35 am
I must have that cereal. It looks worse than Quisp and Quake.
Buck Ripsnort
March 9th, 2010 at 12:37 am
Holy codfish balls, I even remember the commercial for that cereal. Opening shot of Dennis the Menacing Pitchman on Mr. Wilson’s front porch, pissing himself laughing. “What’s so funny?” asks the old man, and Dennis shows him all the funnies in the box (I believe the actual box had, maybe, four strips). “Part of this complete breakfast (shot of breakfast big enough to feed a family of lumberjacks preparing for winter hibernation)!”
There was only one commercial, because the crap didn’t stay on the market long enough for another.
Rusty
March 9th, 2010 at 12:38 am
Maybe “What A Guy” was Leroy Lockhorn, Jr., who, disgusted with his parents’ incessant fighting and alcoholism, moved away after college and now lives at a commune in Vermont.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
March 9th, 2010 at 12:46 am
Congratulations on the oh-so-funny CsOTW! Once again, I’m wishing my students wrote as well as the folks here; my job would be sheer heaven.
@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL (#y123): Dimples might get you in the front door, but you need personality and sophistication to make your way into any other rooms in the house.
Brent
March 9th, 2010 at 12:55 am
1967 BC is hilarious! You see… you still are an ape! Apes don’t have tails.
Black Drazon
March 9th, 2010 at 12:55 am
Re Snuffy Smith 1962: *banjo theme from Deliverance?*
Hi There
March 9th, 2010 at 1:12 am
FW: What’s so funny? Wally has just let loose with the stinkiest fart this side of Bagdad. Funky doesn’t know it, but he’s about to be overwhelmed by what Wally likes to call ‘the Insurgency.’ Wally may have a perforated bowel and an aversion to toilet paper and soap, but it will all be worthwhile once Funky takes in the IED of air biscuits. Sure, Wally crapped his pants in the process, but he’ll have the last laugh. THAT’S what’s funny, lard-ass.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 1:14 am
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8): I GOT MONEY! AND… NUTS!
AND… I DON’T EAT SANDWICHES!!
Poteet
March 9th, 2010 at 1:18 am
Hip hip hooray for He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus and the merry runners-up!
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 1:21 am
THAT IS ONE PRETTY FLOAT!
YEA!!! TO THOSE WHO RIDE IT!!
Poteet
March 9th, 2010 at 1:21 am
The melon heads of the melonheads look even flatter than usual on that cereal box. And Marvin looks more disgusting. This was not Ralston’s finest hour.
Poteet
March 9th, 2010 at 1:27 am
3/9 S-M — So on top of finding a costume store and changing clothes, Peter also climbed a building and set up a camera before setting off to rescue the elderly woman. Obviously he has the power to command fire to pause indefinitely at his bidding. He could earn more money running a prescribed-burn crew than taking lousy photos.
Uncle Lumpy
March 9th, 2010 at 1:30 am
Hey, that 1962 Mary Worth link has Ask Andy on the right-hand page. First thing I read in the Milwaukee Journal Green Sheet, year after year. The last thing was Ione Quinby Griggs’s advice column, of course.
Also hey, the Steve Canyon there references (but does not feature) a certain “Canyon girl” who attends “Maumee University.” Who on earth could that be?
Tiako
March 9th, 2010 at 1:31 am
This is actually a pretty historic comics page that you were provided with. Observe:
-The Nose of Dr. Verlucci is one of my favorite Far Side panels.
-The Calvin and Hobbes is pretty average for the feature, but Calvin’s expression in the final panel is priceless.
-Dagwood declares his intention to live long enough to see his boss’ lifeless corpse.
-We learn why Ziggy’s life is so miserable: he sold his soul, and we have been seeing his tormented existence in Hell.
-Funky Winkerbean wasn’t always about cancer: It once was about Les being a pussy.
-BC is about pedophilia.
-The Family Circus is as menacing as I have ever seen it.
-Hi & Lois is indistinguishable, in both art style and humor style, from one that ran yesterday.
-Cathy plagiarizes Dilbert. Garfield plagiarizes Marmaduke.
bats :[
March 9th, 2010 at 1:35 am
RMMD: liability = sex slave. Rex looks on approvingly.
MT: well, what can I say?
bman
March 9th, 2010 at 1:41 am
Ooh, Morning Funnies! No doubt it tasted like recycled newspaper and saccharine. Still, not the least appealing cereal on that page you linked to…
KarMann
March 9th, 2010 at 1:42 am
Post-jump repost:
@cj (#y127): Heck, if he then killed his other two siblings for such a trinket apiece, we could have a three-ring Family Circus.
@Girl Reporter (#y130): OK, I’m trying and failing to guess, what was meant instead of “inertia”?
And, more recently. . . .
Congratulations and sandwiches to all the floatriders! And a Dagwood for He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus!
@Uncle Lumpy (#17): I still miss the Green Sheet. Years after its demise, though, I got to know the son of Gerald Kloss, who it sounds like you probably remember as “Slightly Kloss-eyed”. Ah, those were the days. Now get off of my porch, you damn kids!
P.S. Speaking of “getting off (of)”, what’s the Didactic Duo’s opinion on “off”? Adverb only, or adverb and preposition in one?
This Guy
March 9th, 2010 at 1:54 am
These historical newspapers provide some interesting insights.
Tri-City Herald, 1967: The B.C. strip on this page caught my eye. Creationists certainly seem to use a great many strawman arguments when attempting to refute evolutionary theory. The strip goes like this:
Creationist: Allright, smart guy,… prove that man came from the ape!
Strawman: O.K.;… apes have tails, right?
Creationist: Yes.
Strawman: Have you got a tail?
Creationist: No.
Strawman: You see! …You are no longer an ape! …Apes have tails!
(poor punctuation is original to the text)
Ha ha, Johnny Hart, you sure showed us scientific types a thing or two with that witty exchange! Oh, except for the fact that apes don’t have tails and humans are apes. Maybe you’d have better arguments if you had the first clue about what the opposing position actually is.
Lakeland Ledger, 1988: One of the letter-writers bitching about the changes to the comics page demonstrates that even people who just adore Family Circus think Rose is Rose is too stomach-turningly saccharine to be published.
KarMann
March 9th, 2010 at 2:30 am
3/8:
H&J: “But fortunately, I got this sweet gig in this comic strip, and I still don’t have to!”
MW: “Her condition”? Wow, that takes me way back!
Ed Dravecky
March 9th, 2010 at 2:49 am
Congrats to He Brought Queenie Baby! And, hey, I get to ride the float with Jumble Jeff and all these funny folks? Pretty sweet.
Steve the Pocket
March 9th, 2010 at 2:57 am
@This Guy (#22): Ironically, that strip long predates Hart becoming a Fundamentalist (according to Wikipedia). Of course, that being the ’60s, you could also argue that it also predated almost anyone not being a Fundamentalist by today’s standards.
Also, speaking of religion, I may have to call down a curse upon Mr. Fruhlinger for introducing me to this newfangled microfiche-from-home. This looks like the sort of thing that I could get hopelessly addicted to, both as a fan of comics and as a guy who likes seeing how things used to was. Lucky for me I don’t know how to specify other newspapers, at least, and will have to stop when I finish reading these four, but that could still be a long time from now.
Crankshaft: DEPRESSING == FUNNY. Batiuk will pound it into your head until you believe it.
Curtis: “I heard your eldest will graduate valedictorian…” Oh dear, are we looking for a new contender for the stilted dialog award already?
Dilbert: More information on Elrod’s contraptions can be found on the Internet.
Herb and Jamaal: Ah yes, Reverend Croom belongs to that denomination where the clergy have to wear their formal attire everywhere they go. The Church of… um… Comic Strip Land? That pretty well covers it.
My Cage: I would think that’s usually the opposite of what couples like them would think. But again, this is Comic Strip Land, home of the Lockhorns, the Capps, and Hagar. Welcome to the club.
Non Sequitur: Oh, and those two. They’re gonna join the club pretty soon, if their recent strips are any indication (and if Wiley’s addiction to Take My Wife style jokes doesn’t go away soon).
Six Chix: Best take on the psychiatry couch gag since The Far Side? Possibly!
The Argyle Sweater: The character who’s apparently asking about lesbian couples’ insurance benefits is a dude. Perhaps it’s best not to ask.
Mr. O'Malley
March 9th, 2010 at 2:59 am
I like how 1967 Mark Trail featured door-kicking just like it does now, although it was drawn better back then.
Keaaukane
March 9th, 2010 at 3:12 am
I had forgotten about the “Tiger” strip. Does it still run? And does anyone else notice how much Tiger looks like Peter from Foxtrot? The interbreeding on the comics page makes Imperial Rome look like a Virginity Keeper meeting.
Mr. O'Malley
March 9th, 2010 at 3:15 am
@Keaaukane (#27): Tiger is on the Houston Chronicle page. Presumably there are people who would threaten to cancel their subscription if it were dropped, though I can’t imagine why.
brappy
March 9th, 2010 at 3:26 am
Reading the 1988 Lakeland Ledger is pretty depressing when you compare it with the newspapers of today. This 1988 newspaper is confident, full of energy, seemingly relevant and heck, even Cathy makes a strong point (for once). Today’s newspapers lack this. Where’s that brashness and attitude now?
*Insert general rant about the dumbening down of society here*
Ed Dravecky
March 9th, 2010 at 3:28 am
Wow, the Morning Funnies cereal TV ad, as seen here on the YouTube, is a blast of pure nostalgia and depicts Dennis being something of a Menace. Double win! (Skip ahead to about 4:32 in the video for the ad.)
Carlo
March 9th, 2010 at 3:34 am
@Mr. O’Malley (#28): I actually enjoyed Tiger when I was younger, in an unironic way even. I looked it up, and apparently it has been in reprints for 4 1/2 years now.
Marion Delgado
March 9th, 2010 at 4:59 am
Thanks for the RU hat tip josh. I felt Gunther’s pleasure. I note your Plugger who wanted What A Guy! instead of Calvin & Hobbes was also complaining about her(?) favorite, Nancy, being cancelled. First non-pomo fan of Nancy ever!
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#135 Mar. 7):
bourbon babe, I thought the same thing. Plus, she has a whacked-out concept of marriage that seems to include flagrant adultery. Frankly, I think she ought to start seeing a psychiatrist!!
dyslexic dog
March 9th, 2010 at 7:23 am
@Uncle Lumpy (#17): Ask Andy was Ask Henry in the Houston Chronicle. How do I know? I asked a question that got printed, something to do with radio waves. My nine-year-old brain decided from his answer that Henry was making something up. A few weeks later, I got a prize in the mail, a plastic blow-up globe from Ask Andy. I’m still waiting for something from Ask Henry.
John C Fremont
March 9th, 2010 at 7:28 am
@Rusty (#5): Hey, say whatever you want about Quisp, but don’t be knocking Quake. Okay, so the pieces were too big and kind of gravelly and tore of chunks of flesh from the roof of your mouth if you weren’t careful, but otherwise Quake was a tasty treat and part of this nutritious breakfast.
@Ed Dravecky (#30): Wow! Just, wow! (I kind of liked that Raisin Bran commercial, though.)
gleeb
March 9th, 2010 at 7:35 am
Brenda: Now what would she know about writers?
June’s Sadism Show: Sure, she could throw Brook out, but this way she gets to torture her at length.
Mordock999
March 9th, 2010 at 8:11 am
Today’s Luann – 03/09/2010
While ’shopping’ for new dresses…,
Toni – “Well I, ah, must say, THAT was a rather THRILLING ride on your broomstick, Mrs. DeGroot.”
Nancy – “Why THANK you my Pretty! (CACKLE) Would you like a bite of My Nice Big Bright Red Apple? (Breee-Hee-Hee-Hee!)”
Toni – “Ahhhhh, NO thanks, Mrs. DeGroot, I JUST ate. Oh, I ah, LOVE, that Black Pointy hat your wearing and the way you turned that WalMart Greeter into a Toad…,”
Nancy – “You say the NICEST things, My Pretty! We should let bygones be bygones. I want you to know that I’ve forgiven you for dropping a house on my sister! (CACKLE, SNARL)”
Toni – “I didn’t drop a house on your sist..,”
Nancy – “Say, Toni! Theres some really,REALLY NICE Christian Dior dresses at half price down that very DARK aisle where I saw those ex-cons go. Why don’t YOU head down there ‘Dearie’ and try them on? I’ll (CACKLE) wait (GIGGLE) here!”
Toni – “Ah, Gotta RUN! I sure theres a FIRE somewhere in the World I NEED to put OUT! BYE!”
Nancy – “Come Back, Here! I’ll GET YOU, my Pretty! And Your little dog TOO!!”
______________________
DEATH to TJ!!!
Little Guy
March 9th, 2010 at 8:26 am
9CL: “…and that’s how I became Mamie Eisenhower….”
MC: Oh, TheraFlu.
Non Sequitor: I just want to mention I like the girlfriend. That is all.
yClassicPeanuts: Her neck moved?
Luann: Stop self-congratulating yourself, Evans.
Candorville: Beta-testing the Billingsly Automatic Joke Template Generator II.
LP2004
March 9th, 2010 at 8:38 am
3/9 Phantom: Kit’s about to learn the truth of the old adage “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned – especially when she’s armed with an RPG.”
fishmorgjp
March 9th, 2010 at 8:39 am
The 1967 B.C> strips were, obviously, made long before Hart’s mind croggled away under the weight of religious dogmatism. (A later strip shows B.C grousing, “INSANITY!… That’s what it is! [next panel:} 'Man'... from an 'ape'...?? Are THEY serious? [next panel:] “HOW IN YOUR WILDEST DREAMS CAN YOU POSSIBLY BELEVE THAT MAN CAME FROM… AN…” [next panel, Grog has entered panel; B.C. walks away:] “Aw… nuts!”
fishmorgjp
March 9th, 2010 at 8:41 am
And boy, that Morning Funnies cereal is a new one on me. A single box must have lasted ages in the household, probably because the sight of Marvin killed off anybody’s appetite for cereal, or anything else.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 9th, 2010 at 9:09 am
It’s bazooka day in the funny papers! (yeah, I know, Captain Badass has an RPG, but its close enough.) I laughed hard at Lio’s version of the 3 Little Pigs.
GT: I weep to think of what Baretto could have done with panel 3. Panel 1 is sexy, sweaty Coach Kaz action, for those who swing the other way. All this fan service, and its all art-fail.
MT: flying girls in swimsuits with talking butts!
Frazz: I need more coffee to fully understand that, but I was still amused.
CdS: SQUID!!!!!
Bryan
March 9th, 2010 at 9:12 am
La Cucaracha: What does Lincoln have to do with a kerosene lamp?
Mark Trail: Buzz Miller, the Dan Aykroyd character? Awesome! Is Christie Christina going to make an appearance?
Rex Morgan, MD: You really see what a nurturing caregiver June is. I can tell why she went into nursing.
Chris Kern
March 9th, 2010 at 9:28 am
Anyone take a look at the comics page in that 1988 link? It contains a classic Ian Cameron panel, where he’s in a robe smoking a pipe (“Confound it, Toby…the occasion hardly calls for group celebration!”)
wossname
March 9th, 2010 at 9:34 am
MT – Let’s just say you were a comics artist who could only draw a few variations on the human face; and let’s just say you decided to make a new character recognizable by giving him BRIGHT BLOND HAIR; wouldn’t you take the next step and give him blond eyebrows? No, I guess not.
Also, what is the eyecatching Jan Harris supposed to be diving from?
A3G – I am so enjoying the suspense, wondering every morning whether this will be the day that Bobbie lets slip that her husband is named Martin. Just don’t let us down, Shulock – not after what Moy has put us through lately.
ElkMeadow #Y110 – Actually, I may have been wrong about the subjunctive being the reason “was” was right (although I still think I came to the right conclusion). Your fanfiction archive sounds really anal about punctuation and grammar and unwilling to accept that while some rules are set in stone, many are not.
HAMMY! #Y112 – Wow, you sound like quite the suave and debonair playsquirrel! Just take care of your exclamation point and your nuts and you’ll go far.
KarMann #21 – I’d say “off” contains its own preposition, so it would definitely be “You kids get off my lawn!” rather than “off of.”
tbiggs
March 9th, 2010 at 9:59 am
@Mr. O’Malley (#26): Well done door kicking, you bet, but did you see the massive facial hair on that guy? Classic!
Calico
March 9th, 2010 at 10:13 am
FOOB – It’s your house, Michael, and it’s raining – of course you can’t come in!
shermy glamrocker
March 9th, 2010 at 10:14 am
After a long, long drought … I’M BACK ON THE FLOAT!! Beads and sipping sherry for EVERYONE! Congrats to winner He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus and all the other float riders.
Chip Whittle
March 9th, 2010 at 10:17 am
I would just like to point out that in that first Saint Petersburg Times link, Dick Tracy gives us three panels of people insisting that something is happening, even though it doesn’t actually. What have we lost in the decades since it first ran? The fourth panel where the characters offer each other booze. And that is why we can’t have nice story comics these days.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
March 9th, 2010 at 10:20 am
JP: Wait, are you saying that instead of an interminable episode of Rocky and Godiva: A Very Special “Marriage Ref”, we could have been watching The Widow D’Vito, P.I.?
NS: Haha! It’s funny because Joe and Victoria are about to get married, and they haven’t had sex yet!
A3G: Gee, I can’t understand why your ex wouldn’t want to keep you around, Bobbie….
MT: Isn’t that third panel a virtual copy of Mark and the senator’s arrival? Or does Ben Tuggle just hang out on his dock, one foot perched on a piling so he can strategically emphasize his manly assets?
MW: At least Wilbur took the time to finish his first sandwich before blurting out his shock and surprise—because the last thing you’d want is a baloney and mayo spit-take.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
March 9th, 2010 at 10:23 am
@Poteet (#16): And he did all that in less time than it would have taken the firemen to put up a ladder. The Miami FD should sue for defamation.
@KarMann (#21) & @wossname (#44): I agree with my partner in correctness. I’d apply the same logic to such phrases as “outside the house” (as opposed to “outside of the house”). I find the gratuitous “of” to be irritating.
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2010 at 10:28 am
9CL – Apparently Ike wants to see for himself if the rumors are true about Gran’s freakishly large pair of eyes.
Beetle – I just picked up a 1958 BB collection that’s a combination of some strips from 1954 onward and panel gags with the Swampies. I was reminded of it because Otto didn’t wear a uniform in 1958. It also mentions Killer’s last name, which was utterly unsurprising. I wasn’t sure if it was because I’d heard it already, or if it was just bleeding obvious. [*]
Crank – Ha ha, Death! Am I right?
Crock – Ibid
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2010 at 10:30 am
Dick – “There’s a disturbance in the crowd… as if thousands of souls had suddenly shrugged their shoulders in ennui at the same time at hearing yet another repetition of ‘I’ll kill him!’”
Family – “Stop it! For the love of god, just stop it! That damned joke is even older than you are, Billy! Nobody’s even believed that old story about the tree since 1934!”
Fred Minus Fred – That second panel is twice as funny as the first. Wait, that’s meaningless. That second panel is one ha funnier than the first; in other words, almost funny.
Hägar – I guess any punchline is one ha funnier if Lucky Eddie says it.
LUJBEM FEJF
March 9th, 2010 at 10:32 am
YES!!!! Millions of people look at this website everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity – your name on a blog – that makes people. I’m in the COTW! Things are going to start happening to me now.
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2010 at 10:32 am
Judge – Aha! A temporary character went off and did some behind-the-scenes detecting without telling the principal characters. I guess that’s one way to have detection take place in the strip without compromising one’s commitment to total stasis.
Mary – Next, Dawn will prove that Abby was a mercenary shrew who loved Wilbur for his lunch money. Proof: once she was gone, he swelled up like a suet-filled balloon.
Non Seq – I think she means “As far as you’ll ever know.”
Ziggy – Yeah, stay away from Speed Bumps for a while. Exposure to funnier strips can damage your car’s self-esteem, even if you have none. Best to stay where you are, next to the Wizard of Id.
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2010 at 10:33 am
@Mr. O’Malley (#28): Tiger’s okay. Neither great nor awful, it’s competently done. Interestingly, it’s one of the few strips still being done by the original dead artist (along with Peanuts). Not a ghost, not a zombie, but a straight post-mortem rerun (and well-nigh indetectable, because nothing topical or timely ever happens in it — twittering is only for birds and only ever will be; selah).
@dyslexic dog (#33): Was that Henry Makow? I had a book out from the library, many years ago, about how he somehow got a gig writing an advice column in the paper when he was about seven. This would have been in the 60s, I guess. Would he still be writing his column to give that thirtysomething point of view you just couldn’t get anywhere else?
@fishmorgjp (#39): Indeed, in one sixties Sunday strip, we saw evolution in action, with Peter describing (to BC) an insane caricature of the process that was happening behind his back on the other side of the panels. A clump of seaweed washes ashore, sprouts arms and legs, asks BC what day it is (“Father’s Day.” “How about that.”) and walks off. He looked just like Grog, but that might have just been parallel evolution.
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#50): When I was in a “Damn Yankees” production in the 70s (as Applegate), the director was very much opposed to any ad libs or line changes, but my friend who played Smokey managed to change his line, “So there we were, underneath a tree” to “So there we were, underneath of a tree,” which made it twice as funny to me, and even a bit poetical in its cadence. Quite true to the character he was playing, too.
finger quotin' annie
March 9th, 2010 at 10:46 am
@This Guy (#22): How about the B.C. strip in the Sarasota paper in 1962? The lunch counter owner is so very ho-hum about the revolutionary movement for civil rights going on right in front of his eyes. Is it because Johnny Hart was opposed to integration? Is it because the black dinosaur in this weird caveman world was nearly two years behind the actual Greensboro sit-ins? Like any divey restaurant of that era, it’s probably a little of column A, a little of column B.
SporkNPork
March 9th, 2010 at 11:13 am
B.C. in 1962. Um, wow. Really, Johnny Hart? Considering his views on evolution, I wonder what a black unevolved dinosaur actually means.
JD
March 9th, 2010 at 11:14 am
I remember my local paper carried What a Guy when I was young. I remember thinking it was the unfunniest strip ever. Even less funny than Hi and Lois.
Anonymous
March 9th, 2010 at 11:23 am
@Poteet (#16): It simply confirms what many of us have long suspected: Peter Parker is an asshole of the highest order. This is no surprise, as Peter possesses the proportional assholishness of a spider.
Mibbitmaker
March 9th, 2010 at 11:25 am
A3G: She’s so psycho, lawyer Lipton here can’t even obsequiously praise her right now.
BC: How do you think Parker Brothers feels about Mark Trail?
Cranky: Leave it to Batiuk to even ruin the Mickey Mouse Club! (nah)
Curtis: Man, that Barry is one li’l ball o’ hate, isn’t he?
DtM: Let’s see, she thinks, who to hit with the ladder first…?
DT: Uh, he’s two insane close-ups back, Pops (of the Boston Pops, no doubt)
Dilbert: ….or the Comics Curmudgeon from a different dimension (still ragging on Elrod).
ReFOOB: Ellie Patterson: The Decider!
FW: NOTHING SINCE 1992!
GT: Yeah, and we know which part, too!
Luann: Toni? ….Bring a weapon with you….
MT: “…he wants to pork your daughter!”
MW: “Well’p! Too late for that now, Dad!”
Phantom: Oops! Baaaaaaaaaad timing, Cap’n!
RMMD: Ooh, you’re all heart, Juney!
S-M: Yep — New location, new costume, new identity, same old crap.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 11:58 am
@bats :[ (#19):
NUDE BERRY PICKING!!!!
I AM SO IN!!!
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Agnes – This would be funny if the punchline weren’t so very true.
A3G – Really, she’s the most fascinating character Apartment 3-G has had in years.
BC – Eh? “Cotton swab” isn’t a trademark, it’s a description of the object. Could they not have gone with “Q-tip” and Unilever?
Crankshaft – I love how the only deaths worthy of note are the ones directly attached to Tom Batiuk’s youth. Friggin’ Rick Wright (you may have heard of him, he was in this weird little British group called Pink Floyd that did a few albums back in the day) died a year and a half ago, but he was only famous in the ’70s, after the Most Important Generation had made all the music that would ever be worth listening to, so who noticed? Not Batiuk, that’s for damn sure.
DT – I love how any time Dick Tracy tries to portray someone at a three-quarters angle, they just wind up with a face drawn from two different angles, split down the middle.
FB – No. I reject this. Start over; do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
FW – Yeah, it shouldn’t. SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE? Christ, the further he goes with this the less it makes any kind of sense.
HTH – Okay, see, this is what Hagar The Horrible should be doing more of. It’s funny, and it exploits the comic’s premise to its benefit.
Love Is… – ignoring your problems in hopes that they’ll go away.
Luann – Nobody actually looks like a normal human being in Luann, but I think the “sexy” women, with the clamshell lips and Mrs. deGroot’s ping-pong ball eyes, are the furthest into the Uncanny Valley. Brr. Also, Toni, that’s not a phone, that’s a file. Careful or you’ll grate your face off.
MT – “Wow, Mark, take a look at that!” “Yes, the common North American double-breasted female is a fixture in many parts of the country! They are a vital part of the country’s ecosystem! Many believe that the creature’s temperament can be determined by its coloration, but experts know this to be a myth. More information about the double-breasted female can be found on the Internet.”
MW – Oh, Dawn. Oh, Dawn. Could you possibly have phrased this in a more devastating way? “Yeah, dad, she realized you were a deluded naïf who was obsessed with his first college crush and couldn’t handle the unpretty realities of life like pregnancy, so she bailed on you. Looks like she was right, too!”
Momma – AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE YOU BITCH
Phantom – This strip is so awesome.
RMMD – What a heartwarming turn of phrase, June.
SM – …I…uh…I, um, this is…oh fjh;sadfjl;ghdsknbdfmfdovbfdgh FDSKJFGHKLGYORTBNVXMCB,DVCB FSDALKVBJCDKBVDFJGOTRY86EHV
Edison Lee – *thump thump thump thump thump*
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
March 9th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
Eduardo fans! If you’re an 50+ fart like me – you’ll remember this:
Art and more more art from Captain Action’s Facebook Page.
TheDiva
March 9th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
C’shaft: Ha-ha, everything you ever loved will perish and turn to dust!
FW: Well, at least someone is gaining amusement out of the Funkyverse’s absurd negative karma.
Lio: Every good children’s story needs a rocket launcher.
Luann: It’s funny because Nancy has interrupted their attempts at intimacy yet again.
MW: “Or maybe she just didn’t want to have to see your sandwich-stuffed face staring back at her for the rest of her natural life.”
mvg
March 9th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Woohoo! First time on the float & I owe it all to Wilbur’s pathetic gluttony for Wonderbread & processed meat products. (And for anyone wondering, Baconnaise is a genuine item.)
Bryan (42): “Rex Morgan, MD: You really see what a nurturing caregiver June is. I can tell why she went into nursing.”
Phantom: Man, don’t you hate it when they start talking “relationship” in the middle of a gun battle? Womyn, am-i-right?
Hmm, back on those old 1960s comics pages Terry & the Pirates were busily tackling vicious “Nazi-Commies” — now those were the days when you had villains you could really wrap your arms around. Because Fascism & Communism are such obviously compatible social & political systems, it’s only natural they’d combine into a single entity. No, Senator, I am not, nor have I ever been, a Nazi-Commie. (It does have a kinda catchy ring to it, though, I must admit. Nazi-Commie, Nazi-Commie…)
S-M: Likely outcomes:
1) Peter’s camera, set on auto, clicked off all its shots while he was still deciding between the ballerina tutu & the angel’s robe.
2) Dead battery.
3) One of his now-well-fed pigeons decided to roost a while on the ledge right in front of the camera as an aid to digestion.
4) Lens cap.
Uncle Ritzy Fritz
March 9th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
MW: ” But the thing I miss most about her was how she’d sometimes balance a manhole cover on her head and then go all crosseyed….it was so beautif…*sob* I can’t go on…more baloney, quickly…AHHHHH.”
SporkNPork
March 9th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Comments, the 1988 edition:
Heathcliff: The garbage situation is far more dire than expected, considering Heathcliff is dead, and contact with the hazardous materials has made the rookie’s rapidly mutating (ricket-izing?) legs grow so fast as to warrant wavy lines.
Family Circus: The Keane kids think they’re so cool now that they can hang with the family dogs. Drink it in while you can, because come homeschool graduation, that ostracized kittycat will be you.
The Phantom: If only someone would photoshop Mark Trail in place of the Phantom, this could be the equivalent of some bizarro sitcom-style fantasy dream sequence where “Mark Trail Goes Hawaiian.”
Ned Ryerson
March 9th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
Yeah, those archives are fun…they really pile hot coals on my pompadour.
This Brick character from Mary Worth was really something, but what could Mary do to ease the crowded conditions in our hospitals? Deliver the death blow? Salmon squares?
Walker of Dog
March 9th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
@brappy (#29): I second your back-in-the-day tirade. These vigorous way-back comics are to today’s exhausted and timid offerings as actual people-food is to Morning Funnies cereal. As I scanned up from the bottom of the right column, I was treated to:
Shameless product placement and domestic violence
Unsportsmanlike conduct violence
More domestic violence (patricide division)
Door-kicking Sasquatch violence
Chemical weapon assault violence
And in Steve Canyon, an explosive mix of project management, data entry, bookkeeping, and the horrors of untreated ear fungus.
Reading these comics has given me the energy and unfocused aggression I will need to take on the challenges of the day and start a few unprovoked fistfights. Urge to kill rising…
Scott Blacula
March 9th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
I don’t know if anyone has brought this to the Comics Curmudgeon’s attention (a site search yielded no results), but I stumbled upon a great old time comics archive at barnaclepress.com. It has old-timey comics from 1890-1930ish and it quickly absorbed several hours of my life. Some things I came away with:
1. Humor was invented sometime after the 1930s.
2. Placing an adjective before a name was enough to base a comic strip upon
3. People were horrible, horrible racists.
4. Buster Brown, whom I’d only known as a shoe logo, was a genuinely bad person. His heinous acts were not due to misunderstandings (well, sometimes ostensibly that may have been the case, but I think he saw these as conveinient opportunities to do evil), good intentions, or Bill Keane-esque malapropisms; no, he had an insatiable urge to bring chaos to the effete, cloistered world of the New York bourgeousie. He made even Dennis in his menacing hay day (to say nothing of the neutured modern “meance”) look like a choir boy.
5. I genuinely enjoy “Alfonse and Gaston”, a comic about a pair of obsequious Frenchmen whose excessive courtesy always leads them into some wacky predicament.
Sorry if this is old news. Just thought I’d share it. I would really like to see what Josh thinks.
Sed
March 9th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
Josh: consider yourself fortunate that you have no memory of What A Guy – one of the biggest wastes of space in the Newark NJ Star-Ledger’s Sunday Comics section for a good chunk of the late 1980s.
Anonymous
March 9th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
@Muffaroo (#55): Muffaroo, that could well have been Henry Makow, now that I have researched his past, but if so, I am truly hornswoggled to think that I, as a nine-year-old, was looking to a wee-er lad as the fount of knowledge in that specific area. No wonder that globe had sticky lollypop smudges on it.
dyslexic dog
March 9th, 2010 at 1:17 pm
Sorry for forgetting the handle, but now that I’m no longer nine, multi-tasking takes too much out of me.
dyslexic dog
March 9th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
FWIW, it is possible to view a whole passel of “What a Guy” strips by browsing previous issues of The Ledger from that same link.
Dennis
March 9th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
I found three strips of What a Guy, a one-panel comic that seems to be about a sort of grade-school age Alex P. Keaton (he wears a suit and tie but seems to be a middle class kid attending a public school):
1. an evening prayer
2. paying for college
3. cafeteria lunch
Cass
March 9th, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Aww, that 1963 page made me feel sad when I scrolled over and found They Do It Every Time. And even back then there was an “Oh yeah”
Kevin
March 9th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
That Tampa reader’s comment was genuinely infuriating. Calvin and Hobbes is the best funny page ever by far: nothing even comes close.
Anonymous
March 9th, 2010 at 6:12 pm
Funnier still, according to Wikipedia, Funky Winkerbean was originally included. I must admit to being quite amused by this, because even though I am aware that FW was not quite the depressing cancerfest it is today, I can’t stop thinking about a cereal that exudes palpable despair.
UnclGhost
March 9th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/comics/lockhorn/bioMaina.htm
“Thank you, thank you, thank you! The Lockhorns have added a ray of sunshine to my day.”
- Lockhorns reader
“You make this world great … You keep people laughing even through the roughest times.”
- Newspaper reader
Those would have to be some very rough times.
FE
March 9th, 2010 at 11:39 pm
There is a “What a Guy” collection on eBay. (I guess way back in 1989, people read so many books that there was a publisher for everything.) Note that the sample strip on the back cover is completely unfunny.
http://cgi.ebay.com/What-A-Guy-by-Bill-Hoest-1989-SC-Book-FIRST-EDITION_W0QQitemZ160379537398QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUS_Fiction_Books?hash=item25575d87f6
Lisa
March 10th, 2010 at 1:01 am
(@Mr. O’Malley (#28): I actually enjoyed Tiger when I was younger, in an unironic way even. I looked it up, and apparently it has been in reprints for 4 1/2 years now.)
I remember reading it when I was a kid, too… well, junior highish, anyhow. I liked it then, although I must say the reprints we are seeing here aren’t all that funny, so maybe you had to be a kid to like it. I mean, when I was 11, a spotted dog named Stripe was funny…
At least they didn’t farm the strip out to someone else when Blake quit drawing it. That would have been a lot worse.
burak
March 10th, 2010 at 1:59 am
http://www.filmdiziizletr.com
“Thank you, thank you, thank you! The Lockhorns have added a ray of sunshine to my day.”
- Lockhorns reader
“You make this world great … You keep people laughing even through the roughest times.”
- Newspaper reader
Those would have to be some very rough times.
True Fable
March 10th, 2010 at 9:24 am
This is what happens when I miss out on a few days – wow, I’m on the float!! Yay! And in such good company, too! Congratulations to He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus and my fellow float runners-up!
I’m tossing beads and goat kibble! Wheeeeee! :D
RazorX
March 10th, 2010 at 7:21 pm
People bashing the timeless classic that was Bloom County makes me feel like such a snob. I hate that feeling. But I hate the unwashed masses much more.
Aitherion
March 10th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
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