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Metapost: I’m not dead

Hi all! Um, sorry for the posting gap: My mom is here visiting for a few days and I thought I’d have time to post while we entertained her but it turns out that I haven’t. So, I should have new posts up … starting tonight, or if not, then tomorrow afternoon. Sorry!

While you’re waiting, though, here’s a dilemma for you: What former children’s TV host does Aldo Kelrast most resemble? Discuss.

148 responses to “Metapost: I’m not dead”

  1. johnw
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    Willard Scott? “Fran?” Shari Lewis? Mr. Hooper from Sesame Street? Dang, you stumped me.

  2. RBF
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    That’s easy. He’s a dead ringer for Captain Kangaroo!

  3. LittleGuy
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    Naw, nothing like Captain Kangaroo.

    I say “Willie Whistle”.

  4. Woodrowfan
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:43 am [Reply]


    Josh, why not have Mom review a comic, maybe Family Circus?

  5. Woodrowfan
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    by “first” of course I meant “fourth” ARGH.

    No seriosuly, have Mom or Dad write something. Keep us entertained!

  6. RBF
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:45 am [Reply]

  7. BJ Gumby
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Fred Rogers? Mr. Green Jeans? Bozo the Clown? No wait, of course, it’s Bob Keesham, I mean Clarabell….

  8. Austin
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    There’s no resemblance whatsoever. I think he most looks like Bea Arthur.

  9. RIchard
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    You don’t usually cover Sally Forth much, but this Sunday’s strip was notable for its Lockhorns-style anomie and despair. Give it a look!

  10. J.C. Loophole
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    Barney the dinosaur

  11. Samantha
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    Captain Kangaroo, hands down.

  12. Krazy Kat
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    I still say he is the loveable, bumbling, Nazi prison camp manager- Sergeant Shultz–read his dialog in that voice and see if it increases the value for you.

  13. EZ_e
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    8 – bea arthur.haha

    Mary: “It’s heartening to see a child overcome with an ailment….er, I mean, It’s heartening to see a child overcome an ailment, that’s what I meant”

  14. htr
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    is today the first mary worth in a month+ that didnt include her being stalked?

  15. Von Zeppelin
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Ringo Starr as “Mr. Conductor” in Shining Time Station. You have to kind of imagine a haircut from the “I Want to Hold Your Hand” period, and the Sergeant Pepper era mustache. And blond and chubby. Little-known Fun Fact: Ringo always wore a shortsleeved grey workshirt and tiny red bowtie in the recording studio.

  16. Joan
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Do those creepy puppets on Mr. Rogers count? That Lady Elaine (I had to look that up) always seemed to be just a big pot of water away from boiling a bunny, or Henrietta Pussycat. (Meow-me-meow-me-meOW OW! What the hell are you meow-doing, meow-me-f@&%ing-meow-bitch?!)

    Man, I would have loved a kid’s show hosted by Bea Arthur.

  17. brendan
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    #3, Little Guy: are you from Southeastern Mass or RI?
    I’d forgotten all about Willie Whistle.
    I still say Captain Kangaroo: the red hair, the bowl cut, and the moustache give it away. WW never had a moustache, just that insufferable whistle in his throat.

  18. Jeddy
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Okay, I’m a long-time lurker here, so I hope that I’m not hijackig by asking this question:

    Do any of you read that Guy Gilchrist mess on Sundays? I think he calls it “Mudpie” or some such?

    Here’s the thing–I think that Gilchrist is attracted to preteen girls. He LOVES to draw preteen girls in various stages of undress. I can’t seem to find an online archive of this guy’s wacked-out pre-teen porn; otherwise, I’d offer links.

    Sunday’s strip had some wanna-be hippie 12-year-old leering seductively at readers.

    Anyone else notice this? Or am I the problem (probably)?

  19. Hogenmogen
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    Does anyone remember Bob MacAlister? Of course, Bob wasn’t overweight or moustached. Maybe he was just a local thing. Wonderama was the name of the show, in case you’re wondering, which I’m sure you’re not. I’d remember more detail, but I thought it was crappy and boring even when I was a kid. To prevent this post from becoming crappy and boring (too late), allow me to rant:

    Phantom is in a crashing helicopter and just so happens to be flying over a pond. Deus ex machina, anyone? “I’ve got to find a way out of this somehow – oh look, a massive pile of fluffy pillows is just up ahead!”

    Snuffy Smif: I usually like Snuffy, despite his anachronistic setting in a rural Kentucky that probably never existed, and definitely doesn’t anymore. Today was just confusing
    Which one is Lulu and which one is Clara, and does that mean that one is upset that the husband is staying home? Bah, Snuffy Smith, don’t make me think too hard. I’ll put up with that from a smart comic, like Dilbert or Fuzzy, but I expect instant gratification on a rudimentary level from your ilk.

    Spidey: What the hell is he swinging from?
    He’s already mentioned that LA is bereft of the sky-scrapers that allow him to do his thing in Manhattan.

    Foobs: April in a pile of shit. Best Foobville ever.

    Dick Tracy: Over the course of the last 4 days, we already knew that the one that would kill Al Kinda was Lottie. If for no other reason than the process of elimination.

    Transvestite Lottie is a detective. Does that make him/her “Dick van Dyke”?

    Oh, and I did some research mid-post, and discovered that I wasn’t hallucinating during the early days of my youth. There really was such a show. But, I wasn’t able to find a picture of ol’ Bob.

  20. cheech wizard
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    For those of you who think Lynn Johnson’s been drawing shit for years, today’s FOOB is a special treat.

  21. zzyzx
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    “Which one is Lulu and which one is Clara, and does that mean that one is upset that the husband is staying home? Bah, Snuffy Smith, don’t make me think too hard. I’ll put up with that from a smart comic, like Dilbert or Fuzzy, but I expect instant gratification on a rudimentary level from your ilk.”

    I assume that’s supposed to be a Brokeback Mountain reference.

  22. Moke
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    a slightly less old Wilford Brimley?

    Anyway, looks like Mary Worth isn’t the only hot dish Kelrast would like to dip into.

  23. Pozzo
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Monday’s Hi & Lois: nothing like bonding with your son over pay-TV porn.

  24. mere cog in the machine
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    When I was a child I was terrified of King Friday. I was convinced he was hiding under my bed and that if I looked over the side I would see his sinister bearded visage grinning up at me. I could never understand why Mr. Rogers was so solicitous of him. Perhaps he, too, was frightened.

    #20: Doesn’t a Patterson on its hands and knees in a giant pile of shit just seem so right?

  25. BigJoe
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Bea Arthur is close, but I think the yellow Telletubby could pass as Aldo’s twin.

  26. blacknosugar
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Ziggy, will you never win? Ah, the versatile hash marks. They can represent a buzz cut or even hives!

  27. bupdaddy
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    19. “Wonderama” was a Metromedia production. Metromedia was a 6-station network (NYC, DC, KC, Minneapolis, Boston(?), and 1 other).

  28. mary
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    It’s the Captain! Kangaroo that is…

  29. Screamin' Norwegian
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    A more interesting question might be, “Why is Annie Lennox so angry at Adam Long (AKA Dr. Troy?).”

  30. Zorba the Geek
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Kukla, Fran, and Ollie. You choose which one Aldo looks like. (And if you remember who they are, you’re as old as I am, or older.)

  31. rayc
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    The first time I saw him, I thought what is Captain Kangaroo doing in Mary Worth – he’s dead. Absolutely a dead ringer, which makes his character even more creepy and bizarre. And what’s with that name??? Aldo Kelrast. Is it an anagram?

  32. Craigers
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; or close the funny pages up with our dead…


    A3G : Again with the space-time handedness switching. I am going to console myself with the thought that the indecipherable squiggles say “Klaatu Barada Nikto”.

    Beetle Bailey : I’m pretty sure that the artist doesn’t realize that “I can’t believe I fell off a cliff again! I hate this.” is easily the funniest thing in the strip. In fact it may be the funniest thing in the comics all day.

    Crankshaft : At first I read the church’s name as “St. Spine’s” and I thought “that’s terrific, because that old coot needs a spine worse than any man alive.”

    GA : Why didn’t you stop those speeding bullets when they were headed straight for President Kennedy, Slim? Why!?!? WHY???????

    MW : It does make me wonder what Mary could possibly do as a hospital volunteer. Do they have her come in to the OR and spout empty platitudes? The people who are really fortunate to do what they do are the longtime comic strip authors, who can collect a weekly cheque for ripping themselves and others off over and over again for decades.

    PMP : Also, our accepted marriage proposal from last week constitutes a binding legal contract under which you become my property for life. Johnny Hart told me so…

    PBS : What kicks this one to the next level is the hipster doofus PJ riding in the toddler seat of the cart. Classique.

    Sally Forth : I can only hope that, like Dilbert, this guy’s tie used to point up in the air until he walked into Sal’s office three minutes ago.

    Shoe : Winning the battle for hearts and minds since 1958.

    Strange Brew : Beetle Bailey loses. That really is funny.

  33. BigJoe
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    An anagram? Nah, that doesn’t translate to anything. And why all of a sudden is there all this interest in who Aldo resembles? He’s been around for a month and nobody noticed any of this before. How strange.

  34. Zorba the Geek
    August 14th, 2006 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    #’s 2 & 6: RBF, girl, where the heck have you been? Go on over to the Forums and let everyone know you’re alive- we’ve all been wondering.

  35. BigJoe
    August 14th, 2006 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    MW: Uh, she’s a volunteer and she’s allowed in the operating room? Where’s her mask? Some of the surgeons/nurses are still wearing theirs, and the operating lights are clearly visible in the near background. Get her platitude spewing germs out of there before she causes an infection!

  36. bootsybooks
    August 14th, 2006 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    OK, people, I’m pretty sure Josh was using sarcasm when he posted that question. Let it go.

    Why does Pluggers ask for your mailing address when you send in an idea? They give an email address to send to, which seems unpluggerly right there, but are they mailing t shirts to the “winners”? Will they come to my house and see if I’m living with a dressed up dog? Even though the answer to that is yes, it has NOTHING to do with pluggers. It’s my own business, thank you very much.

    Phantom’s questions have only to do with which door of the helicopter to jump from! Here’s a hint, O Ghost-Who-Better-Be-Able-To-Swim-Or-This-Strip-Is-So-Over, jump out the one over the pond! That’s right! Jump out the one where you’re most likely to HIT the water!

    As Mary would say, Sheesh!

  37. pelagius
    August 14th, 2006 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    MW: No mask required for spouting idiotic platitudes like “The healers of the world are fortunate to do the work that they do!”. Yeah – I bet she says that to all the interns stuck loosening her impacted fecal matter…

    Aldo – please hurry up and kill her already!

    Sunday’s PBS: Best. Comic. Evah (4-evah!)

  38. bootsybooks
    August 14th, 2006 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    GT: the only guy in the entire Gil Thorpe universe who has a round head, or at least a spherical one, is a lab coat wearing electrician.

    What’s wrong with this picture, GT asks? Where to start? Where to start?

    Make it stop. Death to Gil Thorpe!

  39. Hogenmogen
    August 14th, 2006 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth: In case no one recognizes him, that kid is the sub-genius from Ralph’s fast food gig.

  40. Hogenmogen
    August 14th, 2006 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    And Josh, say “Hi” to mom from all of us.

  41. Jim
    August 14th, 2006 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Suddenly, Mary Worth wakes up and realizes that it’s been a solid two weeks since she’s uttered a meaningless, banal, treacly platitude! She must correct this problem immediately! But how? A platitude told to an empty house doesn’t count–it must be shared so that she can see how her words of greeting-card wisdom are changing the lives of those around her (they grimace because they’re thinking)!

    In a flash of inspiration, Mary heads to the Hopsital! There are people there–people helping people, and people who need people helping people, and those people are the happiest…no, can’t waste a good platitude yet. Must get to the hospital first!

    Once at the hospital, she runs into the Emergency Room–because a bursting platitude *is* an emergency!–and lays it on to the first people she sees!

    Sadly, that poor child’s recovery was brief, as the sound of Mary’s banality sucked out all of his will to live.

  42. EZ_e
    August 14th, 2006 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Proposed new topic of discussion – the Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire. Discuss.

  43. RBF
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    #34 – Zorba – Hi ya Girl and thanks for the shout-out. Will check into forum shortly to say Hi to the old gang.

  44. Zorba’s Little Brother
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Kukla, Fran, and Ollie. You choose which one Aldo looks like. (And if you remember who they are, you’re as old as I am, or older.)

    I remember seeing them on TV, but the show must have been in reruns (according the imdb, they stopped making them in 1957).

    Nick Theodorakis

  45. Dingo
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Bea Arthur. Oh, man, I did a Danny Thomas coffee spew on that one (yeah, I’m only 42 but we had cable).

    I’d love to see Bea Arthur as hostess of a children’s show. She could be dressed like Lady Elaine and say lines such as “Sit down, children. I’m going to read to you from a book. You know what books are, don’t you? They’re printed words on paper like your Daddy uses to find the television listings for pay-per-view porn when your grandmother is visiting your uncle Josh and his wife in another town.”

    And the last line, as Bea let out one of her equine laughs, would be, “And little April, her mother’s pride and joy, the reason that the sun rises every morning, fell face first into a steaming pile of horseshit.”

  46. Anonymous
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Mark Trail…

    It bad enough when a visitor’s dog “sniffs ya”.

    Try it with a BEAR! (bad molly! down!)

  47. Propaniac
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    I hope that today’s Mary Worth doesn’t mean that the Aldo storyline is being discarded or pushed to the back-burner for some stupid folderol about how great it is to help people. I want blood.

  48. Anon, a mouse
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    #38 – boots:

    Gil Thorpe is my version of curse-you-josh-for-making-me-read-a-strip-I-otherwise-wouldn’t-glance-at.

    Yikes, who can stick with this snooze fest? Gil Thorpe makes Mary Worth look like Viva La Bam

  49. davidicus
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    If he gained a few hundred pounds, Aldo Kelrast might resemble Louie Anderson.

    I like how, in today’s Born Loser, the boss accuses Thornapple of being “hopelessly behind the times.” The boss is wearing a three piece suit with spats on his shoes, which was probably rarely done in even 1906.

  50. Ennui, Willie Keeler
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorpe is my version of curse-you-josh-for-making-me-read-a-strip-I-otherwise-wouldn’t-glance-at.

    No Marty Moon today. Bummer. I’ve been slowing making my way through the archives and am disappointed. No Rose Is Rose commentary? That strip is still around isn’t it? So much saccharine in that strip, it gave mice cancer.

  51. Hogenmogen
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Ok, Monday’s GT isn’t exactly inspiring. I did like Marty Moon’s desperate face-in-hands wordless panel on Saturday. It really conveyed a lot. For a minute I felt sorry for him, then I realized that he is evil Spock and he will subdue Lanny (Ben Franklin) with a neck pinch and use the Vulcan mind-meld to make Lanny believe that it was Marty that actually won all those games.

  52. daisy sepulveda
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Cousin Oliver, from the Brady Bunch, all grown up.

  53. rich
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    I think Mary Worth is volunteering at Rex ‘n’ Troy’s children’s clinic. As for her stalker…the Captain? No…right show, wrong character — Aldo is the “Banana Man”! It’s true, I’ve seen the “uncut” version. (Ouch.)

    18 – Jeddy, there IS something rather creepy about that Guy Gilchrest. He’s a sanctimonious moralist, yet also into drawing cute young girls. His Sunday strip is called something like “Night Lights and Pillow Fights.” I think he’s behind that strange new version of “Nancy” as well. He usually draws himself with a big beard and one of those leather cowboy hats. He did a Mudpie strip about two years ago about what a lovable person Ronald Reagan was. Creepy enough for you? I’m sure there are other examples of Guy Gilchrest creepiness one could find, with a bit of research.

  54. ak_teacher
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Does anyone remember Ray Rayner? He wasn’t a stalker, but he was awesome!!

  55. johnw
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Today’s Gil Thorp is a disappointing sidestep from Marty Moon’s gambling-induced existential crisis, but it holds forth the promise of EEEE-VILLL deeds at the gymnastics tournament. No scoreboard: the French judge will be accepting bribes to her heart’s content. No lights: somebody’s gonna get Kerriganed in the hallway.

    Also plotting evil today is political insider Horace the Hobo, in “Judge Parker.” Ooh, he’s gonna get that ungrateful twirp Randy! He’ll sabotage Randy’s campaign and secretly funnel support to his opponent. Get used to calling the strip “Judge Black.”

  56. mere cog in the machine
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    LUANNE: While I am enjoying the tension of the potenial home invasion scenario I was really hoping to see Luann and Bernice use the opportunity of an empty house to “get to know each other” and “connect on a deeper level” if you know what I mean.

  57. Susen
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    ::Proposed new topic of discussion – the Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire. Discuss.::

    My college history professor says the exact same phrase. It was German, evil to the core (well, ok, maybe not that bad, but…) and a loose confederation of states that wasn’t even united till later….
    wow, i sounded smart (hope thats the right answer, its been a while, lol)

  58. tefflan
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    #30 Zorba: Aldo looks like Fran in an Ollie wig, with itsy-bitsy Kukla arms and a big, red rubber nose, and…naw, screw this…

    You know who Aldo REALLY looks like? He WILL look like Jerry Mahoney with a moustache once Mary gets her arm shoved up his ass. And if you remember who Jerry Mahoney is, then you’re as old I Zorba and I are.

  59. mere cog in the machine
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    #58: I think I am confused between Jerry Mahoney and Charlie Mccarthy. Were they both dummies? Am I a dummy??

  60. Dingo
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    tefflan, I don’t know if Mary would shove her arm up Jerry Mahoney’s ass (splinters in the tuna casserole would be bad) but I bet she’s just a-waitin’ for ol’ Doc Jeff to come home to do that to him! Doc Jeff seems like a man who’d appreciate a thorough prostate/colon/large intestine exam.

    Mary Worth even seems like the polite, dignified type to keep a couple of veterinarian’s latex horse gloves – the ones that go to the shoulder – in a kitchen drawer just for such an occasion.

    Which will it be Doctor Jeff – Astroglide or extra virgin olive oil?

  61. PJ
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Throw that mother out! I’m going into withdrawl!

  62. D.A. Pennington
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Aug 14th 2006. April falls into a pile of horse dung.

    3 months later, she’s the biggest star of “scat” videos. Such great releases (no pun intended) as:

    Forrest Dump
    Apoopcalypse Now
    America Scatfiti
    Malcom eXcrement

  63. tefflan
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Jerry Mahoney was Paul Winchell’s dummy, and Charlie McCarthy was Edgar Bergen’s dummy. They both got wood when they were around Mary, though. Not Winchell and Bergen. Their dummies. Get it? “Got wood?” Haw haw haw…sometimes, I kill me.

  64. Joan
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    18 & 53. Guy Gilchrist is very, very creepy. His Nightlights and Pillow Fights strip is supposed to be aimed for very young readers, but about 50 to 70% of the time features a drawing of a nubile young woman, usually with wings and elfin ears, in a seductive pose and a look on her face that says, “Even though all those real women have blown you off and taken out restraining orders, Guy, I — your fantasy fairy — love you for who you really are and we can do whatever you want.” Written underneath her will be a truly crappy poem. It really sets off my stranger-danger alarms.

    On Sunday his NL&PF and Nancy strips used the same joke: a young person referring to music from 30-40 years ago as classical.

  65. Zorba the Geek
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    #58: I think I am confused between Jerry Mahoney and Charlie Mccarthy. Were they both dummies? Am I a dummy??

    Mere cog, Jerry Mahoney was the dummy of ventiloquist Paul Winchell (Winchell’s other dummy was Knucklhead Smiff). Charlie McCarthy was Edgar Bergen’s dummy. Winchell was actually a much better ventriloquist than Bergen- I could always see Bergen’s mouth move (but then, he got his start in radio, where I suppose it was no big deal if your mouth moved, or if you even had a dummy, for that matter). As for your last question: I doubt it, you’re just younger than I am.

  66. Zorba the Geek
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Sorry, tefflan- you beat me. You, too, must be a post-WW II “baby-boomer.”

  67. Kenny
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Mr. Belvedere!

    Anyone see it?

  68. Chris
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    I think he looks like a mustachioed John Wayne Gacey.

  69. Chromium
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    In today’s Garfield, Davis appears to be describing his own strip.

  70. lesles
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    personally, i think aldo’s got a bit of the ron jeremy going on. can’t recall if ron’s ever hosted a children’s show, though.

  71. BlueDot
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    I vote for Miss Yvonne from Peewee’s Playhouse – just without the dress.

  72. mere cog in the machine
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    63 and 65: Thanks to both!

  73. tefflan
    August 14th, 2006 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    #66 Zorba: Si. Post-war boomer. Old fart now, though. Can’t complain.

  74. Hogenmogen
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Aldo looks like an older Pee-Wee Herman. Except with different color hair, and a different ‘doo, including the moustache…
    plus 70 lbs – and slightly shorter
    and with a wider nose…
    Aldo’s got a more bewildered look in his eye (“Why doesn’t Mary fall for my incessant badgering, considering my Adonis-like physique and stylish bowtie?”)
    But those earlobes are distinctly Pee-Wee…
    With a little tweaking
    If you squint hard enough…

    Ok, ok, the only person that looks like Aldo Pederast is Captain Kangaroo. Now quit with all the runner-ups and “also-ran”s

  75. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Sunday’s Mary Worth: I haven’t read “Far From The Madding Crowd”, but based on the plot summaries from those here who have, it sure doesn’t sound very funny. So why does Mary look so amused as she’s reading it, moments after an upsetting phone conversation?

  76. Randalll
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Aldo is simply disguised to look like Captain Kangaroo gain the trust of little children! He’s been in prison and doesn’t know that the real Captain is dead, so everyone sees through his disguise immediately! And he’s trying to make time with Mary simply becaus ehe think it will help his cover!

  77. Zorba the Geek
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Badly-C-A-B: Only Mary would know, because I certainly don’t. Nothing that Thomas Hardy wrote is in any way, shape, or form amusing.

  78. Chromium
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    18, 53, 64- My God, I’d forgotten all about that guy, but I looked him up and I do remember seeing his books and strips before. There is definitely something weird about the.. cuteness of it all. Then I went to his web site and was treated to this picture, which just might be the creepiest damn thing I’ve ever seen.

  79. hyperborea
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    31: rayc, Kelrast is a not-terribly-clever anagram for stalker. His whole name is an anagram for “load stalker.” What load he’s stalking, I don’t know. Is Mary some sort of load? Well…

  80. Smokey Stover
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Wow, Shoe went totally Mallard Fillmore today.

  81. Hogenmogen
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: “You’re a senior plugger if the pharmacists know your name.” Um, hello? The name is on the script, Einstien. Pharmacists are also prohibited from recalling names of regular customers if they are effete, wealthy, intelligent, non-plugging liberals.

  82. mere cog in the machine
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    #78: He looks like he’s sitting there thinking, “Hot diggety damn! I’ve got the best goldarn kiddie porn collection in Texas!”

  83. Hogenmogen
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    #78, Chromium, that’s just Willie Nelson morphing into Kenny Rodgers.

  84. Chromium
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Hogen- I wish. That would be far less disturbing than watching this dude drawing pictures of preteen squirrels with wings.

    #80- WTF!!!

  85. King Folderol
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    SF – What an odd way to start a storyline. ‘Nuff said.

    PC – This is simply appalling, but I’ve never been able to get anyone else on my “Piranha Club sucks” bandwagon, so eh.

    Hagar – I have the same problem taking food on the train to work. Nevertheless, that’s the problem with Hagar…the jokes don’t work because he’s a Viking, not a mid-level manager in the early 21st Century.

    PBS – I don’t know why the Family Circus kids in this scenario turn into pygmie hillbillies, but this is comedy gold no matter how you slice it.

    FBOFW – Look everyone! April’s got a talking ass!

    One Big Happy – Why is the old man telling this bad joke to these kids? It took me a few seconds to get this pun…of course the kids are wondering about what the hell a milkman is…otherwise their poor little heads are going to be trying to figure out the pun.

    Ziggy – There’s no such thing as poison asparagus, so I can only conclude that Ziggy is a vicitm of domestic violence.

  86. tefflan
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been going to the same pharmacy for uhhh, let’s see, eight years, is it? And the pharmacist still asks me for my name. I think I’ll tell him “Aldo Kelrast” the next time he asks just to see what he says.

  87. tefflan
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, Josh, I almost forgot.

    Hello to Josh’s mom! Hope you enjoy the visit!

  88. compass rose
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    #75 In fact, Mary lied to Aldo about which book she was going to read. She is actually reading a trashy bodice-ripper while she dines alone on slabs of Tuna Casserole. No wonder she’s smiling – Life doesn’t get much better than that.

  89. MaryAnnTheRest
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    What, no comments on today’s BC? Wherein Johnny Hart looks forward to the sweet embrace of death and all the recognition he’ll get afterwards? Face facts, Hart, you’ve been collecting easy money for years by recycling drawings of yours so old they may have actually come from cave paintings, and jotting down senile ramblings above said drawings. After you die, they’ll replace you with a [fill in the blank] and the strip will improve.

    Hi, Josh’s Mom!

  90. MarrG
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    18, 53, 64 and the other one: it breaks my heart to hear that Guy Gilchrist strip is being printed somewhere other than Atlanta. I had always harbored the hope that he was our shameful little secret.

  91. Posthumous
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    You’re not giving us a dilemma. A dilemma is a choice between two difficult options. I don’t normally make petty corrections like this, but since you’re not posting anything, I have time on my hands…

  92. rich
    August 14th, 2006 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    78: There’s more on Guy Gilchrist’s website:

    Guy with Bil Keane

    Guy with a mummified Jeff MacNelly

    And, saved the best for last, Guy Gilchrist is pals with the person who draws Gil Thorp! (Scroll down)

    (Okay, Gilchrist does do some charity work, it seems, and he is a Red Sox fan. Still preachy and creepy, though.)

  93. johnw
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Extra-bonus-scary stuff on the Gilchrist website: seeing what Greg Walker and Pat Brady look like. Now I know who’s lurking outside Luann’s door. Eeeeek!

  94. Marc
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    I’m with Woodrowfan, have Mama Fruhlinger do a comic blogpost.

  95. Drakee
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Lockhorns: Is Leroy expressing a smidgen of concern for his wife’s well-being? This can’t be right.

  96. Ennui, Willie Keeler
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Ahhh, the Lockhorns. A pale imitation of Andy Capp. They don’t even have a snack named after them.

  97. Hogenmogen
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    “I’ve never been a big fan of the Iraq war. I had my doubts from the beginning.” – Tinsley

    Yah, how about drawing Mallard ranting on the war, then? What? The neocons have you cowering in a corner? Afraid of losing “the base” of rabid Limbaugh and Hannity fans, so you don’t express your true misgivings?

    Oh, and “Al-Quaida” also translates into “The Base” in case anyone is interested.

  98. Carlye
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    You are all wrong, it’s Howdy Doody. I say that knowing that you will all know just how old I am — not quite as old as Mary Worth, but getting there…

  99. SN, Colorado
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Regarding Mary Worth.

    I’m not sure . . . maybe we should thank Aldo for continually interrupting Mary’s stilted pseudo-Victorian internal dialogue. Let’s see:

    On July 31, she was thinking to herself: “Let’s see, I got the fruit, cinnamon, flour . . . Yes, everything for my special apple cake” Up pops Aldo . . .

    On August 7, she was thinking to herself: “Aahh! Perfect Tuna Casserole. I’m a darn good cook, if I do say so myself!” The phone rings.

    Today, August 14, she is speaking out loud — and it’s no better: “It’s HEARTENING to see a child overcome an ailment! The healers of the world are fortunate to do the work they do!” Where’s Aldo to cut off this hideous dialogue?

  100. treedweller
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Okay, today’s GF proves the world is primed and ready for FOOB/ I’m with FOOB t-shirts.

    More merchandise, Mule!

  101. MackJ
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    #95 Seeing as whoever writes The Lockhorns has absolutely no clue that emotions exist outside of bitterness and hatred, I’d have to assume that Leroy is worried about the lawnmower.

  102. Deckard Canine
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    #85 – King Folderol, I think you shouldn’t use “PC” to stand for “The Piranha Club,” because it also stands for “Prickly City.” Try “TPC.” Anyway, I agree: TPC ran out of funny sometime back when it was called “Ernie.”

    - I almost met Guy Gilchrist. By that I mean that I found him standing next to me at Anthrocon when we both were misdirected to a seminar. I considered talking to him but decided that he must be mobbed enough there.

    I don’t hate Gilchrist. His somewhat bland style still has some appeal to me, tho I quit reading after a joke in which Mudpie said George W. Bush was “taking over the family business” by becoming President. As for his evident furry pedophilia, I gave him the benefit of the doubt — maybe he was satirizing the way kids grow up too fast these days. I mean, he didn’t seem to think highly of Punkin’s diva style.

    Incidentally, there was little time between me quitting and him having to resort to weekday reruns. Between that and a similar result for the webcomic “Albion Fuzz,” I started wondering if I carried a curse. But those are the only instances of the curse I know.

    - Regarding the Holy Roman Empire, well, it may be a medieval Grape Nuts, but hey, it’s a cool name. Cool names don’t have to be truthful. You think I’m a real canine?

  103. Buttplug
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Based on the last few days, it seems pluggers are not only hard workers and salt of the earth and all that, but also are suffering from a wide variety of physical ailments. How does that quality fit into the theme, exactly?

  104. leroyetta
    August 14th, 2006 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    #95, #101 No, he’s worried about the car. There’s no need to worry about Loretta, because she does the oops-I-crashed-the-car, see-here’s-the-steering-wheel thing at least once a week. But the consolation is that the mower was also destroyed. See, he loves the car and will be upset to see the damage, but he hates to mow, so will be relieved to learn of its destruction. That’s not just funny, that’s Lockhorns-funny!

  105. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    August 14th, 2006 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    From Guy Gilchrist’s web site: Angie became involved in the business aspect of Guy’s career in 1996, one year after “meeting” Guy at their 20th Avon High School class reunion.

    Hmmm, wonder what’s with the quotes?

  106. rich
    August 14th, 2006 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    105: “Meeting” in a biblical sense?

    My last Gilchrist link, then I’m quitting cold turkey: Here’s a page that’s basically one “inspirational” lecture after another by Guy Gilchrist. It just goes on and on and on. I started reading the one about yelling “Hey Babe! Whoo whoo!” to the ladies, but key internal organs began registering their disapproval and I simply had to stop. (Incidentally, lots of his cartoons on this page, if you aren’t familiar with his style.)

  107. Joan
    August 14th, 2006 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    I looked up what Anthrocon is. I really, really, really didn’t want to know that about Guy Gilchrist. Though I guess it explains a lot.

  108. Chromium
    August 14th, 2006 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Maybe “class reunion” really means Anthrocon.

  109. Cornwhacker
    August 14th, 2006 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Buttplug: I think the point is that self-sacrifice to the point of sickness is a noble trait. Pluggers: we salute you for working yourselves to death and never questioning the system that put you in that situation! (Dammit, I promised myself I’d avoid talking about Pluggers.)

    Also, I could’ve sworn Bea Arthur was on a kids’ show. It just sounds so right. Was she on the “Free to be You and Me” album, maybe?

  110. Smitty Q. Smedlap
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    #47 — while I don’t think that today’s MW means that they’ve suddenly switched storylines, I DO think it’s a glimpse at how the Load Stalker story will wind up in the least interesting manner. Aldo will turn out to have a soft spot for children, and Mary will convince him to donate marrow or become a volunteer or something. I’d call the finish to every Mary Worth storyline “anticlimactic,” but that would imply that a typical Mary Worth storyline actually builds to something.

  111. Dingo
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    So, I actually clicked to the Guy Gilchrist homepage. Oh. My. God. He’s sitting there at a desk, indoors, wearing a cowboy hat. This is something my momma never would have tolerated. Then, he proceeds to start the drawing lesson.

    Now Joan gets me to look up Anthrocon. Ewwwww… Anthrocon seems like the type of place you’d run into Tommie and Margo both wearing fluffy tails and bowties. Mary Worth would be there in one of those electrified carts you see advertised during People’s Court. I wonder what reaction Mark Trail would have?

  112. Dingo
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    I hope I know how to do this:

    Bea Arthur

  113. Mr Froth
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Aldo is Mr. Greenjeans disguised as the Captain. Thanks for re-triggering this and the Dancing Bear nightmares Mary Worth!

  114. Biblio
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Cornwhacker- Bea Arthur was in the Star Wars Holiday Special, maybe you’re thinking of that?

  115. mere cog in the machine
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    #112: Girlfriend’s got some flubbery floppers!

  116. Hogenmogen
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    #112 – Dingo – There was a Bill Murray movie “Quick Change” where he was holding up a bank, and one of the demands for release of hostages was a naked picture of Bea Arthur. After like 16 years, he’s finally got his wish. I only hope the hostages can go now.

  117. cheech wizard
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    I thought Bea Arthur was Dancing Bear – back in her younger, slimmer, more attractive days.

  118. Poway
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    #111 – Mark Trail: “Those furries are doing something foolish!”

  119. Alan Vanneman
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    “I’m not dead.” Sorry, Josh, you are dead! Mary Worth, not to mention Mark Trail, are worth way, way more than your mom.

  120. Cornwhacker
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Biblio: that must be it. I seem to remember seeing her in something when I was a kid, though, and while I would’ve been a kid when the Star Wars special came out, I saw it on the web like everyone else.

  121. Amy
    August 14th, 2006 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    What former children’s TV host does Aldo Kelrast most resemble?

    Is it Obvious Observation Monday?

    I will never forgive Mary Worth, Inc. for ruining my memories of Captain K. Of course, if I hadn’t started reading the Comics Curmudgeon I wouldn’t have learned about Mary or Aldo, so maybe it’s Josh I shouldn’t forgive.

  122. MossMoses
    August 14th, 2006 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth is a volunteer cheerleader at the hospital. She was hired to spew happy platitudes to distract the staff from the blood, disease and bedpans of their daily toil. When she gets off work, Aldo Kelrast will be there waiting for her, gare-own-teed.

    How about that miniature bear in Mark Trail? The bear is an adult since her old rascal owner Buck Jones has been performing with her for years, yet she barely comes up to Rusty’s waist in panel 2. Perhaps Doc cloned that toy bruin in his mad science lab. Whatever he’s been doing it aged him a good twenty years, judging from his somber expression in panel 3.

  123. Hank Kimble
    August 14th, 2006 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    I dunno, but the girl in (DT)GT looks like Soupy Sales.

    PS to Josh’s Mom: Just because Josh has this blog, don’t feel too bad about yourself. I know as a parent, you can do a great job, but sometimes the kids just get a little crazy! I’m sure you tried your best!

  124. Dingo
    August 14th, 2006 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    Okay, y’all. I decided it was time for one of us to make this.

    Mary Worth

  125. Zorba’s Little Brother
    August 14th, 2006 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Poway says:
    August 14th, 2006 at 3:48 pm

    #111 – Mark Trail: “Those furries are doing something foolish!”

    “More information about furries can be found on the internet.”

    Nick “just wait until you get home from work before you google for it” Theodorakis

  126. Foolster41
    August 14th, 2006 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Preteena: I don’t think this one has been mentioned before, but I thought the joke in today’s was so bad it was note (or mock) worthy.
    FC: Does the note on the top mean this is a re-run strip? If so, laaazy.
    Mothergoose and grim: I thought this was a pretty funny joke, probibly the best MG&G ever, though that’s not saying much.
    BC: Not a laugh outloud, but I thought a pretty funny joke.
    Garfeild: I think one of these days John and oddie are going to finally order a hit on garfeild.
    Too late!

  127. ohgrl
    August 14th, 2006 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    bootsybooks/36: The names of Plugger submitters go into a big book called “normal.” Upon the arrival of the police state or the rapture (whichever comes first), those people will be safe while the rest of us burn.
    Assuming their various medicated diseases don’t kill them first.

  128. Pendragon
    August 14th, 2006 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Aldo likes apple cake. Guess that puts him and Mary in conflict.

    Oh, and to the other old ferts: when did Aunt Fritzi morph into Stupefyin’ Jones? Or is that Moonbeam McSwine?

    Hi, Josh’s mom!

  129. MossMoses
    August 14th, 2006 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, great job on the MW morph. You live down under, right? Have you noticed that your president looks like a fair dinkum Dick Cheney, except without the crooked sneer?

  130. ohgrl
    August 14th, 2006 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Dingo: swf file cannot be found. :(

  131. MossMoses
    August 14th, 2006 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    128. Pendragon, actually NOT liking Mary Worth’s special apple cake would put them in conflict. Remember her smug comment about how she’s a darn good cook?

    Luckily for the Phantom, there happens to be a lake for him to jump into before the chopper crashes. I guess that will put him in conflict with the evil shirtless terr’ist, Chatu.

  132. Pendragon
    August 14th, 2006 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    131. Right. Sorry. I panicked.

  133. Gary Brandner
    August 14th, 2006 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    In defense of The Lockhorns: At least they get equal time for their mutual insults, unlike the standard smart-mom, dumb-dad strips. The Blondie Dagwood Syndrome, I believe, is the medical term.


  134. Dingo
    August 14th, 2006 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Damn, one person got to see the animation before it seems my content provider pulled it. I’ll have to see what I can do.

    MossMoses, I’m an American. My profession is film/video and I’ve always loved A Cry in the Dark. DingoGotMyBaby became my screen name on a lot of boards. It’s just amazing how many Americans think the phrase is “A dingo ate my baby!” when it’s not. It shows how tied we are to our own television shows (Seinfeld) and not to the popular culture of the rest of the world.

  135. Braniff
    August 14th, 2006 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Yup, #126, today’s Family Circus is a rerun. I was wondering if Billy’s idea of talking about flying a kite at the Chicago airport would be appropriate in light of last week’s thwarted terrorist attack. But then these worries never happen in Family Circus land.

  136. cheech wizard
    August 14th, 2006 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    128 – The new Aunt Frizi is truly disturbing, if only because I remember her as a sexless automaton whose barren spinsterhood was no source of mystery. I do not like finding the new Aunt Fritzi hot. No I do not. I makes my brain hurt and confuses my manly parts.

    Plus, she and all the other adult babes are really hot, while Nancy, Sluggo, et. al are just as weird-looking as ever. It’s sorta like having Cathy and Irving walking around in Judge Parker (former artist).

    Plus the gags still suck.

  137. MossMoses
    August 14th, 2006 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    134. Okay Dingo, well at least I understand what “fair dinkum” means. That’s from going to that fair dinkum Australian restaurant, Outback and John Howard does look kind of like Dick Cheney (evil).

  138. Ubiq
    August 14th, 2006 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Anybody else automatically finish Rex Morgan’s “I know nothing” statement with “about medicine!”

    That or “about heterosexuality!”

    I also decided that today’s Garfield could use a slight alteration:

  139. Islamorada Girl
    August 14th, 2006 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    I agree. I think the Mother of Our Pope should comment on a strip while she’s in Bawlmer. Unless she’s passed out from all the potty mouth and porn on this site.


  140. ohgrl
    August 14th, 2006 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    huh huh huh–Ubiq, had I not seen it here, I would totally beleive that was the real strip. Oh Yeah!

  141. Dingo
    August 14th, 2006 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    It’s fixed. I’m sorry that something went wrong before but I thank ohgrl (#130) for pointing it out. Oh, and thanks to MossMoses for liking the original.

    Mary Worth

  142. Weasel Boy
    August 14th, 2006 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    Aldo looks like a stalker and his last name is an anagram of “Captain Kangaroo.”

  143. Sixpence
    August 14th, 2006 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    I’m thinking Mr Dressup’s puppet friend Casey, grown to not-very-attractive adulthood.

  144. nancypaaants
    August 14th, 2006 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Not Mr. Rogers. Mr. McFeely. Aldo Kelrast looks like Mr. McFeely.

  145. Treadwell
    August 15th, 2006 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    re: Bergen starting on radio

    No, he was doing vaudeville for a long time prior to that. Even movie shorts.

  146. Deckard Canine
    August 15th, 2006 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    #107 et al. — I hope it’s not too late for people to see this comment; it seems wrong to bring it up in an unrelated thread. Let me just say that Anthrocon isn’t all about fetishism. I and many others have gone for the cleaner instances of furry fandom (of which there are plenty). Guy Gilchrist partook in a panel on cartooning, tried to attend a seminar on “furry Christians,” and presented artwork no racier than usual. Any dark side he may have had was well privatized.

  147. Jeddy
    August 15th, 2006 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the stuff on Gilchrist. He is a creepy dude.

  148. steveo
    August 8th, 2010 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    i d like to see a picture of knucklehead and mahoney again thank you old fan.

Comments are closed for this post.