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We have a winner!

Pluggers, 8/28/06

I have nothing particularly hateful to say about today’s Pluggers, which is a good thing, because “Jason Rhea” of “Littleton, CO” is none other than Comics Curmudgeon faithful reader and occasional commentor Racing Js! So, congrats, Jason, on being the first Curmdgeoner Cardinal (but not, we hope the last) to get your home-spun wisdom enacted by freakish beast-persons.

Meanwhile, the comics’ other great reader-entry feature is proving itself to be a tougher nut to crack.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 8/28/06

Could this be the most cold-hearted TDIET yet? Allow me to paraphrase: “When he was healthy and in the prime of his life, Grandpa Croaker enjoyed his body’s youthful strength, and thought nothing of walking from place to place. But now that the ravages of age have broken down his joints and sucked the energy from his soul — howzat? — he’d prefer not to walk if he doesn’t have to.” The name “Croaker” is just piling on, letting us know that his inability to walk to the corner is a herald of his swiftly impending death. Oh yeah!

Gil Thorp, 8/28/06

Last summer, square-headed superteen Von Hanley managed to defeat a stalker with just a bunch of flashlights and his quick wits; this year, he, Marty, and Mandy, presumably after repeated viewing of The Sting, are apparently conspiring together to grift the grifter, and prove that two wrongs really do make a right. Since golf isn’t Von’s forte, and our three wannabe hustlers probably have about 130 IQ points between them, I have to assume that once Mandy arrives, she and Marty are just going to hold Ben Franklin down while Von administers a savage beatdown with his $4 Salvation Army putter.

For Better Or For Worse, 8/28/06

God damn, is Liz going to have all of her problems solved by women leaving their husbands?

By the way, Liz is way, way too excited about the opportunity to teach little suburban children. Yeah, it’s her life dream and blah blah blah, but you can’t tell me that any job short of, oh, I don’t know, the Governor General’s Official Fluffy Kitten Petter And Delicious Chocolate Eater would generate the kind of deranged enthusiasm portrayed here. No, her over-the-top reaction to a mere interview (which magically morphs into a job offer the moment she hangs up the phone), combined with her freakishly dilated pupils, the slovenly nature of her hovel, and her inability to focus on one thing long enough to pour her mac and cheese out of the pot and into a bowl can indicate only one thing about Liz: she’s all methed up. I for one look forward to the heartbreaking lessons about drug abuse that we’re about to learn.

114 responses to “We have a winner!”

  1. Uncle Lumpy
    August 28th, 2006 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Gramp’s not dead yet – check out that nurse on the teevee!

  2. Capisce
    August 28th, 2006 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of Gramps, doesn’t it seems like it’s about time for one of Lynn Johnston’s senior citizens to dramatically exit? Perhaps while saving April in a river, just for old time’s sake.

  3. Von Zeppelin
    August 28th, 2006 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    So, Racing J’s/Jason–please, some tips for us Plugger wannabes. Did you just write in with the recipe for the casserole? Or did you suggest the Bear/Kangaroo menage depicted in the panel? Did the syndicate do a background check to see if you were “blue-collared, thrifty, and skeptical of frivolity”?

    I bask in your reflected glory.

  4. Beasley
    August 28th, 2006 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    Wife leaving husband? Does L. not see the parallel to Anthony’s situation?! Oh, of course she does. This is, maybe, foreshadowing at it’s most benignly worse.

  5. dimestore lipstick
    August 28th, 2006 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    TDIET seemed a bit off today, for the reason mentioned by Josh, and also because it would have made more sense to me if Granny had asked the young’uns to run an errand, only to have Gramps intercede and drive them a whole block to the store.

    Well, and also because it’s one @#&!ed up comic.

  6. Beasley
    August 28th, 2006 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    By the way, my own Pluggers submission never saw the light of b&w print: My caption was “Plugger Pinstriping” and the comic was supposed to show one of the generic bear/”Andy” characters cruising along in his pickup (down a dusty road, of course) while spitting streams of chaw out the window….hence, the “pinstriping”. On the side of the truck.

    Well, *I* thought it was funny.

  7. Blueline
    August 28th, 2006 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    #6 – for a moment I thought Pluggers pinstriping was going to be similar to “racing stripes”. Thank god I was wrong.

  8. Marc
    August 28th, 2006 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    I think there should be a new type of Pluggers…but for the high class comic strips! Maybe I’ll start my own version of “Pluggers” with a more high society title and feature all of the upper middle class comic page characters!

    The working title can opener [Aldo raises the toilet seat lid for Mary Worth and rubs his hands in delight].

  9. Ron
    August 28th, 2006 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    “My story is on?” What old man talks like that?

  10. Jeff Coleman
    August 28th, 2006 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    Talk about counting your chickens… if I jumped up and down and shouted at the top of my lungs every time I got a job interview, I’d… have sore legs and a sore throat … and I’d stil be unemployed…

  11. Ben
    August 28th, 2006 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    This cruel swipe at the elderly from TDIET is somewhat stunning. It’s like Ted Nugent insulting tone-deaf Republicans.

  12. dan b
    August 28th, 2006 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    I’ve only read FBOFW for about a month now, but I feel completely safe in saying that I hate every single character in the strip and wish only the worst for all of them. It’s not necessarily that they are “bad” as characters, and it certainly could be, but I just read it every day and wonder…why? Why does Lynn Johnston want to make Canadians look so bad? Why do these people have horribly messed up eyes? Why do I wish Liz would wear a shirt that fits? It makes me question why I’m even here.

    But, uh, I can’t wait to see how Von’s freaky hair, some girl who looks like the Heatmiser and a drunk and desperate Marty Moon somehow cheat one of the Founding Fathers out of five grand. That’s ok with me.

  13. Foolster41
    August 28th, 2006 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    Congrats Racing J!

    I have to agree that I wish the ads for bitterness of life would disapear from this site. (I asume the other poster meant by “X-Rated ads”).

    #5: Isn’t TDIET always off? Oh yeah…

    #9: I’ve heard soaps refered to as “stories” twice, but only as parodies of old people (Strongbad from Homestarrunner and Mac’s brother in Foster’s Home for imaginary friends)

  14. sally
    August 28th, 2006 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    I know I’m a little late, but Uncle Lumpy, you are brilliant. Just had to say it.

  15. Poteet
    August 28th, 2006 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Well, meth would certainly explain the manic expressions of joy on some Foobville characters hawking merchandise on the official site. And for Gawd’s sake, Liz, don’t jump on the poor cat. I like that cat, and if you ever are responsible for anything bad happening to her, I’ll find a way into Foobville and you’ll be sleeping next to Farley instead of Moustache Man, Patrolman Pecs, or Helicopter Hero.

  16. Richard Onley
    August 28th, 2006 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    #9: In the 1960s, it was common for older people to refer to TV shows as “my stories.” I suppose it was a holdover from the days when people got their entertainment from magazine short stories, before sitcoms and cop shows proved a more accessible diversion.
    The only time I’ve heard the term in the last thirty years was on a Simpsons episode.

  17. Beasley
    August 28th, 2006 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    Blueline says:
    August 28th, 2006 at 9:54 pm

    #6 – for a moment I thought Pluggers pinstriping was going to be similar to “racing stripes”. Thank god I was wrong.

    If there was a Dysfunctional Pluggers I think your idea would be perfect.

    Much as in Jeffies

  18. nancypaaants
    August 28th, 2006 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    What I hate the most about TDIET is the random, crappy punctuation. Whenever I read that comic I feel like I’m reading a myspace journal or something.

    “grampa totally went off on this like…..rant…..about walking places….and he made me soooooo MAD…god…I cant wate until he just croaks…….”

    TDIET, folks.

  19. Doug Puthoff
    August 28th, 2006 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if Aldo has any more strange relatives. Maybe they could start a strip. I already have a theme song for it:

    They’re creepy and they’re kooky,
    Mysterious and spooky,
    They’re altogether ooky,
    The Kelrast Family.

  20. angry black woman
    August 28th, 2006 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    sigh…. I hate Liz so, so much right now. I’ve hated this strip ever since Lynn made it obvious that Liz was going to have to choose between Mr. Right (oh wait, Officer Wright) and Granthony. I approve of none of this!

    Although this could get very fun very quickly if everything she needed could only happen if women left their husbands.

    “Mike, can you drop by and help with this shelf?”
    “I can’t, Deanna needs me here.”
    “Mike, I hate you and these hellspawns you’ve saddled me with! I’m leaving!”
    “Uh… I guess I’ll be over in a bit, Liz…”

  21. Monkey's Paw
    August 28th, 2006 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    I swear, every time I read Pluggers all I can think of is “The Isle of Doctor Moreau.”

  22. johnw
    August 28th, 2006 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    Cooking for One: Liz has made herself something like a gallon of Mac ‘n Cheese. I know it’s the national dish of Canada, but really.

    Plus, she’s already downed most of that box of cookies.

    Maybe her standard reaction to good news is the old binge-and-purge. Tomorrow we shall see an empty saucepan on the kitchen floor, and the sounds of heaving from the bathroom. While Kittty runs for cover. Again.

  23. mooselet
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    JohnW beat me to it about the ginormous box of mac-n-cheese Liz has made for herself. No wonder her shirts don’t fit. And do you really think the school board would tell her that some teacher up and left her husband? Lynn, I hate you so much right now…

  24. Obélix
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    Bravo, Racing Js! I kvell for you!

  25. Herold
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or is Kangaroo Plugger Lady particularly microcephalic in this strip?

  26. BCist
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    How are “peas” or “carrots” a course? Where I come from (Earth), those are ingredients.

  27. amoosebitmysister
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    When is Brad going to learn? He’s 20 or so and works as a firefighter, yet still lives with his parents. Maybe that’s why Tony Daytona is the ONLY woman over 18 he has ever had a conversation with.

  28. MJ1066
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    Tuesday, August 29:

    Funky Winkerbean: Uh-oh, what is Becky’s mother up to this time?

    Curtis: Never mind. Michelle hasn’t suddenly turned nice after all.

    Sally Forth: I assume that they’re not going to win the game, from the dismayed looks on Sally and Ted’s faces.

  29. amoosebitmysister
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    For some reason my Pluggers entry was rejected. It showed a bear handing a $20 to a kangaroo prostitute, with the caption “A Plugger gets his girlfriends the old fashioned way.”

    Seriously, why would anyone submit an entry to Pluggers? And with his real name? It would be less embarassing to have your name on a sex offender registry.

  30. moosebitesKanbeprettynasti
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    The Plugger’s myspace: the sex offenders’ registry.

  31. paddywhack
    August 29th, 2006 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    Goddammit Grandma Croaker, let Grandpa Croaker die in peace.

  32. NightRaven
    August 29th, 2006 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    Don’t know if anyone is aware of this, but Norwegian comics are getting rather good these days.
    Opera’s homepage runs an English translation of one of the most popular comics, Pondus, allthough they do jumble up the strips sometimes (with the result of some storylines becoming confusing and even sometimes a punchline arriving a few weeks before the actual set-up) and they are about four to five years behind the current strips, it’s still worth a read.
    Today saw the conclusion of a story-line involving kids and computers that manage to actually not seem stupid even for the more “tech-savvy” among us.
    To read it from the “start” (well, there were actually three strips before this, but they seem to have been lost in Operas publishing order somewhere)
    go to this link:
    (Note, the link only takes you to the correct strip if you click on it today, as it only instructs the page to skip three days behind the current one. Yeah, weird. )
    Oh, and yeah, we do get away with a lot more in the Norwegian syndicated weeklies than in the States, so if you decide to browse through the archives be prepared for the occational raunchy and sometimes even offensive strips.

  33. Ubiq
    August 29th, 2006 at 3:22 am [Reply]

    Maybe Liz’ll get a good deal on her car because somebody died in it. That’d be frickin’ awesome!

    Sally Forth: Well, if they lost, no big deal. Hil’s going to have to get used to disappoint in her life by appearances. If they won, well, she’s already a bigger success in life than Ted.

    Does anybody else hear Macho Man Randy Savage’s voice in their heads when they read TDIET?

    If you don’t, you really should. It’s infinitely funnier that way. OOOOOHHHHH YEEEAAAAHH!

  34. Meander
    August 29th, 2006 at 5:41 am [Reply]

    Dysfunctional Pluggers?

    Dinette Set.

    ‘Nuff Said.

  35. Pinback65
    August 29th, 2006 at 5:44 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth needs to come over and set that Pluggers lady straight: any casserole worth eating MUST have tuna!

  36. Jimmy
    August 29th, 2006 at 5:49 am [Reply]

    Tuesday 8/29… is that Margo’s boob peeking from her blouse? On my monitor, the suspect mammary is a shade or so lighter than her blouse.

  37. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    August 29th, 2006 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    Lately, Gil Thorp has been all about pulling The Big Con. Last week, they tricked the scar faced kid into winning the gymnastics competition. This week, they’re tricking the old guy into losing Marty Moon’s money back. Every week, you people are tricking me into reading the damn thing.

  38. Marion Delgado
    August 29th, 2006 at 6:33 am [Reply]

    check out today’s BC (Aug 29)

    it’s hilarious. the fat cave woman soaks the pretty cave woman with boiling water!

    pretty no longer!

  39. Jerseygull
    August 29th, 2006 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    I’m confused. Liz left a job and a home up north to return home to Foobville, where she promptly got a car and a place of her own — but she doesn’t have a job? I never understood why she got her own apartment to start with — seems to me she left her old gig because she was homesick, so why not move back home? Am I missing something here?

  40. yellojkt
    August 29th, 2006 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    Liz couldn’t get of of Mtigifukme fast enough. She left for a summer school job, with no lead for the fall, but now she is counting down the days until she catches Paul doing a little horizontal tribal dance with her in-more-ways-than-one replacement.

  41. yellojkt
    August 29th, 2006 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    By “story”, Grandpa Croaker means “vintage naughty nurse porn”.

  42. Justafoob
    August 29th, 2006 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    After Liz keeps pounding away the Mary Worth size pots of Mac-n-Cheez and dessert of a box of Oreos, she is going to pork up, up, up.

    When Paul see her at Christmas and laughs at her moo-moo size, she will run back crying to Granthony, who will accept her at any size, because, **sigh** it is true love.

  43. Idiot Wind
    August 29th, 2006 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    Is it just me or does the kangaroo plugger look like Aldo Kelrast?

  44. micedwhale
    August 29th, 2006 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    I just want to say that I hate you all for making me read Mary Worth, but I was happy to see Will Ferrell playing the part of nurse Janet Reno in todays strip.

  45. Bigfoot
    August 29th, 2006 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    (Re #33, Ubiq)
    J’ever notice that Miss Elizabeth…

    Oh who am I kidding? I can’t write half as good as the Macho Man.

  46. fat dietician
    August 29th, 2006 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    People, you are missing an important piece of this porkifying pie. Liz not only has enough mac-n-cheese to feed her whole family, including the annoying downstairs neighbors, and not only has she been packing away the cookies, but she’s washing it all down with a can of soda, aka diabetes in a can. I’m betting she’s not on meth; her drug of choice is cleary the wacky tabacky.

  47. anonymous
    August 29th, 2006 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    #10 – Hahahahahahahahaha! That’s hilarious!

  48. Racing J
    August 29th, 2006 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Hey. Thanks for the honor. I think.

    BTW. When did we start this contest? I was trying to figure out how long it took them to put my idea on paper.

  49. Jocko
    August 29th, 2006 at 9:35 am [Reply]


    Don’t these guys ever watch CSI “Uhm maybe we can lift some prints from the note” as they smear there greasy fingers all over it.


  50. EZ_e
    August 29th, 2006 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    18: ha, my space journal. See, everything old is new again

    anybody see a movie back in the 80s “Etremities”?where a guy tries to rape Farrah Fawcett and she turns the tables on him and she has him locked in a cage and sprays him in the eyes with bug spray,etc..I guessing that’s going to be the basic denouement of the mary-aldo plot. She’ll force feed him tuna casserole and cheap sentiment till he gags.

  51. bootsybooks
    August 29th, 2006 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    #50 – I think she sprayed him with cherry Binaca.

  52. the angry black woman
    August 29th, 2006 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    MW: There she goes with that Barbara Bush “I’m through with you!” hand again. That poor Janet Reno nurse looks like she’s been Force-slapped.

  53. Dingo
    August 29th, 2006 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Governor General’s Official Fluffy Kitten Petter and Delicious Chocolate Eater

    So, I’ve just finished a masters degree and have been sending out my resume for the past four weeks and feel about as loved as Aldo Kelrast. This job… this job sounds purrrrrrfect for me! How do I apply?

    Oh, Josh, I laughed so hard when I read that phrase it knocked my porcelain swans off of the mantel.

  54. Laura
    August 29th, 2006 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    I know this is all I ever talk about, but let’s get back to what’s really important here: Raju’s makeover. I thought the colors in his wardrobe *were* the problem–I mean, the miniscule red and yellow tie is really what marks him as a geek, right, not the innocuous white button up or, heaven forbid, that sexy wifebeater he’s been sporting for the last 8 months or so (which, incidentally, goes nicely with his new Backstreet hair)? Or is Neddy going to doll him up in a whole miniscule red and yellow ensemble?

  55. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 29th, 2006 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Zits – Holy cow! Does “muffin top” mean what I think it means? This is like the best editorial coup since the Valentine Beaver!

    Garfield – We know Garfield. We know.

    (MF)MF – The thinly-veiled Gibson apologia continues.

    FCACC – (Family Circus Alternate Caption Contest) “…Three, four, shut the hell up kid or I’ll show you a picture of your real father.

  56. MissKitty
    August 29th, 2006 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Did anyone notice that MT’s Nikon camera magically turned into a pair of binoculars so he could peep at the bear-related activity in the next scene? Pretty cool gadget, wisht I had one.

  57. rich
    August 29th, 2006 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    52: I agree — why so irritable, Mary? Staggering out of the hospital and barking at this poor woman with a dismissive wave, shoulders hunched and looking like a lumpy cross between Reta Shaw from “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir” and Brian Dennehy.

  58. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 29th, 2006 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Not to complain, but has something changed on the site in the last couple of days? Pages are failing to load, the site times out or I get dumped to some strange database error page and (horror of horrors!) my snarky comments disappear off into the ether.

    Have I done something to offend the Gods (more than usual, I mean)?

  59. Smitty Q. Smedlap
    August 29th, 2006 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    What would you get if you ran a steamroller over Von Haney’s body, starting at his feet and stopping at his neck?

    Something like panel 2.

    Death to Marty Moon.

  60. dadzilla
    August 29th, 2006 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    # 56 …It could also be that Italian Mob thing where they flick the fingers off the chin as a sign of “f*** you!” The waiters at Olive Garden do that when I don’t tip them.

  61. dadzilla
    August 29th, 2006 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    # 56 …It could also be that Italian Mob thing where they flick the fingers off the chin as a sign of “f*** you!” The waiters at Olive Garden do that if you don’t tip them.

  62. JayJay
    August 29th, 2006 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    So all the side trips and sidelights in FW are clearly delays leading up to the eventual denoument of the cancer saga: Lisa will be saved by a bone marrow transplant from the now-adolescent child she gave up for adoption, who lives in whateverthehell town and eats at the pizzeria.

    Probably not until Les has whined about another fifty or so semesters starting, but that’s where we’re headed.


  63. AppleGirl
    August 29th, 2006 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    44 – YES!!! EXACTLY!!! I was trying to figure out who she looked like. Thank you.

  64. rich
    August 29th, 2006 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Rex Morgan, you coldhearted bitch! “Here you go, Lieutenant, I don’t need this anymore,” he says, handing over his manfriend’s touching goodbye note with barely a trace of emotion. He isn’t going to tuck it under his pillow tonight? Put it in his memory box? Keep it in his desk drawer at work, along with the scorecard and tiny little golf course pencil from their first date? Maybe it’s the sight of a man in uniform that caused him to move on. Ah, but Rex, I thought you were more sentimental than that.

    Even Superman, who’s straight, would have probably put the goodbye note in a glass display case and made a statue of Troy, for a special wing of his Fortress of Solitude. But Superman was often a bit creepy that way.

  65. MrBooze
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    I believe it’s a tradition in Canada to eat your Kraft Dinner (what non-Canadians call Mac & Cheese) out of the pot it was made in. I’ve actually seen it on the menu at a restaraunt in Alberta once, pot and wooden spoon and all.

  66. rsf
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Luann: another round of Brad and Toni. Let’s hope it is spiced up by them both joining a cult

  67. Deckard Canine
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    #3 – Menage? Not menagerie?

    #6 – It’s funny, but many papers don’t want to make readers lose their appetite at breakfast.

    #13 – Thirded. Not only do nudie ads embarrass me, but the ones in question are gross.

    #26 – Well, that’s the joke. Pluggers eat cheap, so their idea of a course is different from ours.

    #32 – That is good. No wonder one of my favorite online humorists is Norwegian.

    #36 – In the coloration, that is clearly her shirt.

    #38 – I didn’t know there was a difference between rocks and stones.

    #54 – True, but I can’t help thinking that these girls are only slightly politer than Gina in A3G.

    #58/59 – This is the same woman who said “capisce” two Sundays ago.

  68. Poteet
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    #40 — I agree with you, and I am so, SO looking forward to Liz’s reaction. But now it looks like we may have to wait til Christmas. Damn. I hope Paul isn’t waiting, though. I hope he and Replacement are tribal-dancing for all they’re worth. And I hope Blanthony will be called out of town for a two-month visit with an ailing elderly relative in the Northwest Territories so we won’t have to see his gormless countenance for awhile.

  69. King Folderol
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    FC – Look Jeffy, you’re in for a long, miserable life if you take these things so literally. And don’t you think Grandma deserves a break? She’s old and tired and constantly suffering from arthritic aches and pains. Do you really think she has the energy to change the line to “One, Two, VELCRO my shoe?” And is this pattern going to continue when you get older. If someone says, “trip the light fantastic”, for example, are you going to point out that there’s no light to be seen? Kid, you’re in for a lot of wedgies when you get older if this keeps up.

    Jump Start – I know that there’s a strategically placed towel, but I don’t even want to come THIS close to seeing Crunchy naked. His ridiculously thick eyebrow patch is bad enough to look at when he’s got clothes on. Show some decency, man.

    PBS – Rocked the house today.

    FBOFW – I find it disgusting that Liz is just eating her mac and cheese out of that enormous pot. And Josh is right – it concerns me as well that the possibility of a job interview has suddenly morphed into an acutal job. She does it again today – she says she had an interview and then came home with stacks of material. Does this school just hire teachers on the spot? No background checks? And yet I’m still more disturbed about the mac and cheese. That pot is bigger than her laptop – is she going to just stick her head into the pot and start sucking it down like a pig at a trough? My answer is yes.

    Dennis the Menace – These babysitters look like they’re as old as Mrs. Mitchell. Don’t young teenage girls do this sort of thing? Is the economy in Dennisland so shot to hell that young twentysomethings can find no work except to babysit a young kid? Or is this still 1950s land, where young single women aren’t allowed to work and this is the only income these ladies can get? I don’t know. I don’t know.

  70. jimbo
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    When Liz gets back to visit Paul the Mountie, he’s going to be playing grabass with that First Nations girl, forcing her into the arms of Canada’s version of Dave Wannstedt.

  71. Junior Tracy
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    That putter looks like nothing I’ve ever seen on a golf gourse. Perhaps it’s some kind of specialized hoe.

  72. Poteet
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    And congratulations, Racing Js. Like #3, I’d be interested in a few details, and also whether long-lost friends and relatives are now trying to borrow money from you.

  73. Deckard Canine
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    #68 – Right on about DtM, but I’m more concerned about their waistlines. Ladies, if your head is wider than your waist, time to chow down. At least they don’t have Joey’s malnourished limbs.

    In other news, wow. Davis has made “Garfield” — both the character and the comic — more like a statue than ever before. I guess he’s trying to make up for the stimulation caused by Jon’s date. Seriously, does he want to bore everybody senseless?

    Another wow: CotW already?

  74. bootsybooks
    August 29th, 2006 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Alright, alright. I have stopped looking for a radioactive spider to bite me. Spidey-sense used to seem so cool, what with half your head turning into Spider-Man and all. But now I’m disgusted. Spidey is the dumbfuck to end all dumbfucks.

    “This madman has forced Narna and me into his car, and I can guess why!”

    You don’t have to GUESS why! He told you the whole story yesterday, remember? sheesh.

  75. Abbey the Wonderdog
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Inre #63.

    Rex is being so detached because his boy toy is gone. Where is he going to get to go play “golf” with him any more?


    It is but to laugh.

    There is good reason why they had to adopt.


  76. Anonymous
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    #70 (Junior Tracy) Perhaps it’s some kind of specialized hoe.

    Speaking of hoes, isn’t how about a 40 footer for $500 some sort of prostitute-speak?

    #33 (Ubiq) Does anybody else hear Macho Man Randy Savage’s voice in their heads when they read TDIET

    Wasn’t Randy Savage the wrestler dude in They Live? …I’m here to chew bubble gum and mock the elderly. And I’m all out of bubble gum. Oh yeah!

    Oh, and Kudos to you, Racing J!

  77. JIM
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    You know, when I lived in Ottawa I knew the Governor General’s Official Fluffy Kitten Petter And Delicious Chocolate Eater, and she did nothing but bitch about all the paperwork.

    She said what she really wanted to do was write.

  78. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Oops, #75 was me…

  79. GotFuzzy
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    #55: SPoI, “muffin top” refers to the blubber overhang that results when someone who really ought not to wear hip-huggers does so. It’s called that because of the resemblance to the baked muffin that hangs over the paper-liner-encased muffin stump.

    For instance, Mama Rap-Dog would have the most massive muffin top ever if she were to try to stuff herself into a pair of low-riders. Oh man! Now I’m never going to be able to get that image out of my head!

  80. GotFuzzy
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    And congrats Racing J! Do give us more details. Did you just send the caption idea, or did you suggest what the illustration should be as well?

  81. Dan
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    75 – Naw, that was Rowdy Roddy Piper!

  82. Racing J
    August 29th, 2006 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Details,details, details

    #3, #71, #79
    Well on the Pluggers sight, there is a link to make your suggestion. mine kinda went like this:

    “Our Plugger family has a lot of casseroles for dinner and all of them are made with mushroom soup and a bunch of other stuff mixed in. I think the caption should say ‘A pluggers seven-coarse meal comes in a casserole dish.’”

    I know I spelled ‘course’ wrong, Anyway, that’s my best recollection.

    I think the secret is to identify yourself as a plugger.

    As for the fame: no interviews yet. But I’m sure that there will be.

    Another consequence that I hadn’t considered prior to my fame is this: When I showed the comic to my friends and family, they would read it and then kind of grimace. Then they would ask me why I thought is was funny because they didnt think it was funny.

    I spent quite a bit of time explianing to them that it’s not funny and that why it IS funny.

    I hope I get a Plugger hat.

  83. AppleGirl
    August 29th, 2006 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Racing Js – A Plugger would put his Plugger hat on ebay.

    Congratulations, again! I love that a Curmudgeon got it!

  84. zeeba
    August 29th, 2006 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    #28–FW: Becky’s mom probably wants her precious daughter on bedrest, not getting up at the crack of dawn to march with the bandq’s at Westview High School.

  85. EZ_e
    August 29th, 2006 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    mmm…”specialized hoe” I think that belongs on a T-shirt. ”
    She’s roadside, she’s a gig, she’s a specialized hoe”

  86. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 29th, 2006 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    #79 (GotFuzzy) #55: SPoI, “muffin top” refers to the blubber overhang that results when someone who really ought not to wear hip-huggers does so.


    I liked it better when it meant what I thought it meant. You kids these days. I’m not even gonna ask what “cupcake” means. Probably has something to do with amyl nitrate and vietnamese spin-fuck chairs.

    And I can’t believe I missed on Roddy Piper! I should have stayed in bed today.

  87. MikeP
    August 29th, 2006 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    I think the secret is to identify yourself as a plugger.

    And to misspell a word — especially when the misspelling is a synonym for “unrefined”!

  88. GotFuzzy
    August 29th, 2006 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the deets, Racing J. I’m thinking that the misspelling may have helped your cause. It gives it that “I’m a true Plugger what doesn’t go in for edumacation and fancy book-larnin’ and whatnot” vibe.

  89. Zelda79
    August 29th, 2006 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Have the ringer-t versions of the “More Zippers, Mule!” shirt been discontinued? Tell me it isn’t so!!

  90. Trent
    August 29th, 2006 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Does this mean that Mallard Fillmore is done saying horrible things about teachers, or is this just a breather?

  91. MossMoses
    August 29th, 2006 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Dan B., your hatred of the Saintly Pattersons is shared by many, myself included. The whole family seems like a total waste of sperm and eggs. As for the supposedly “lifelike” aging (and dying) in the strip, why can’t someone relevant die, rather than a saintly heroic Old English Sheepdog or Grampa’s irrelevant wife, whom we never even met? Grampa has outlived his relevance by several years. When/if he goes it will be especially heartwarming and extra treacly. Michael has nothing to live for, merely postponing the inevitable and carrying out meaningless life of quiet desperation. The most despicable “Patterson” of all isn’t even in the strip, she writes the treacly pap that is “North America’s favorite comic strip”.

  92. treedweller
    August 29th, 2006 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Re: Plugger submissions
    When I submitted my idea, I included the line “Thanks for the laffs.” I’m hoping the kissing up and the misspelling will help, plus I preserved my integrity through plausible deniability. “Oh, you thought ‘laffs’ meant ‘laughs’? No, that’s my made-up word for retching up my breakfast.” Only time will tell if it helped me or not; I submitted this most recent idea much later than the original contest announcement.

  93. mlo
    August 29th, 2006 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    Liz on meth – that’s exactly like the plot of Half Nelson!

  94. ben
    August 29th, 2006 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    Lynn has been leading up to this for the whole life of the strip. It will end with Liz on meth, April turning tricks, and Michael killing his family. In the last frame, he puts the gun in his mouth and we fade to black.

  95. Baron Von Foobenstein
    August 29th, 2006 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    How is it that Liver Breasts is talking to her mom?? Didn’t Elly, aka The Nun With The Bun, die of a massive MI last week while Choo Choo Johnny chatted about animals being sliced open? (“Elly? Elly?”)

    Actually, I’m being serious. I thought Elly keeled over, face first, into the kitchen table and croaked on the spot, mangling her spectacles in the process. I tuned in here looking for much hoopla about the event, but I (sadly) misread it.


  96. Biblio
    August 29th, 2006 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Nah, in the last frame we see Bob Newhart saying “I had the most horrible dream! I was trapped in Canada, with a bunch of FOOBs!”

  97. Tukla in Iowa
    August 29th, 2006 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    65: many papers don’t want to make readers lose their appetite at breakfast.

    And then there are the ones that run TDIET.

  98. Tenderfoot
    August 29th, 2006 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    #90. Considering that “teachers are bad” is one of the few things that pass for an idea in Tinsley’s head, I think we can safely say this is only a breather. I do have to say that this defending Mel Gibson series is one of the loonier (and creepier) things to have come out of the duck’s ass. It took me a while today to figure out that he’s telling us that Hollywood libruls think it’s OK to drive drunk but not make anti-Semitic comments.

  99. Von Zeppelin
    August 29th, 2006 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    I am having a little trouble with the politics and theology of the current Mallard Fillmore strips. So. . . if you are a real conservative, you approve of Mel being a drunken, anti-Semitic asshole because he made that great Jesus movie a couple of years ago? Sounds more like some kind of kharmic balance in the cosmos, rather than the Christian doctrine of salvation.

    Or, alternatively, it is just incoherent drivel. From Tinsley? Ya think?

  100. Fred P.
    August 29th, 2006 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Racing J, or Jason of Littleton, or whoever you are, let me be the first to congratulate you on your stunning coup! What true brilliance! Mind you, while I am somewhat proud of the fact that I don’t -apparently- have what it takes for to recognize me as a kindred plugr spirit, I yield to no one in my admiration for your plugitudinous genius. You are my hero.

    Your humble servant, Fred P.

  101. Chrissy
    August 29th, 2006 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    While I do think it’s silly to get that excited for a job interview, I gotta tell you– finding a teaching job is tough, and if I found a job without having to, say, move out of the state, I would jump up and down too.

  102. Marion Delgado
    August 29th, 2006 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    well, I say thank Gawd for prickly city and mallard fillmore. Yes, out of Schadenfreude.

    it’s not that right-wingers aren’t funny – it’s more that overdogs catering to the elite “winners” are rarely funny. If this society were really dominated by PC liberals and socialists, they’d be hilarious. But since not. not.

    Moreover, once a society’s badly imbalanced itself, as the United States has, you have to be a real wing-nut to stand out as a conservative and not just mesh with the conventional wisdom. Again, if the US was Sweden in the 60s, and you did a “political” comic strip and wanted to stand out as a left/liberal what would/could you do? rehabilitate stalin? demand an anarchist revolution? it’s a tricky thing.

    By world standards, arguably most of Doonesbury, for instance, is simply apolitical or wishy-washy moderate. And even the obviously liberal content is balanced by reasonable conservative content. Half the characters (including Doonesbury himself, Mark’s boyfriend, BD and Boopsie, Lacey, Jeff, Duke, etc.) are Republicans and the Hunter Thompson knockoff is nearly a right-wing extremist.

    Imagine that – you’re writing a comic strip that will be shunted to the editorial page to balance Doonesbury. you have to stand out as very, very far to the right of it? what would you write? I’d probably go the Stephen Colbert route.

    At any event, MF went the stupid inappropriate recycled rightist cliches route, Prickly seems to have favored Objectivism, including the very un-Ayn-Randian anti-Arab racism leonard pleikoff injected into Objectivism after her death (if the current thread is any indication).

    so it’s not drivel per se. it’s basically a difficult task that confronts Tinsley.

    That’s a deep question.

    How would any of us, especially actual conservatives, write a good comic that’s conservative in a very conservative, even rightist country like the US? A country, moreover, that dominates the rest of the world with its ideology more often than not.

    Is it as impossible as writing a good Marxist comic would have been in the former Soviet Union (or in Cuba now for that matter?).

  103. danperducci
    August 29th, 2006 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    TDIET is very dated this time! When was the last time that milk was delivered?! 1970?! This is bizarre because I don’t recall seeing any milkmen lately!

  104. Bill Bucky
    August 29th, 2006 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    #102 Hmm, I don’t know, maybe they could endorse actual conservative stances? Like, oh, maybe trimming pork from the budget? Or maybe ending the drug war? Anything that is more substantial than “democrats are wrong?” I mean, sure, it’s not funny, but then, neither are MF or PC.

  105. Sjofn
    August 29th, 2006 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    Milkmen do still exist! My family had milk delivered for years and years until all the kids finally moved out and my parents stopped going through so much. He didn’t use glass bottles or anything as old timey as that, of course. But still! A milkman!

  106. NightRaven
    August 30th, 2006 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    # 67: “That is good. No wonder one of my favorite online humorists is Norwegian.”
    Really ? Pray tell, who is this Norwegian humorist of which you speak ?

    On another note, I was reading a discussion over on Slashdot about a new on-line music company that’s going to offer ad-supported downloads, and it almost seems one of the debaters have been reading TDIET, listen in:

    “Hilarious. A record company finally offers free downloads, and what responses do we see on /.?

    “Horrors! I won’t sit thru ADS to get free music!”
    “It’s encumbered with DRM! Help, I’m being repressed!”
    “Bah — the artist selection sucks!””

    Here’s a link to the article:

  107. captnkurt
    August 30th, 2006 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Congrats on making it to “The Show” Racing J!

    Now we need someone to crack the really tough nut and infiltrate “Dog-gone Funny” over there languishing next to Marmaduke.

  108. Poteet
    August 30th, 2006 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    #32 — Thanks. I looked up that Pondus story and I liked it.

  109. Len
    August 30th, 2006 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    #105 — Where are you from, Sjofn? I think I recognize your name from the Elder Edda. Maybe they still have milkmen in Iceland…

    My parents, who lived in the Bronx (Dad passed away last year), didn’t have a milkman. But they DID have a “seltzer-man” who came every week to deliver a carton of old-fashioned Clarabell-type squirt bottles of their favorite bubbly beverage!

  110. BewaretheCreeper
    August 30th, 2006 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    It wasn’t Randy Savage it was Roderick Geroge Toombs, aka Rowdy Roddy Piper who chirped in “I’m here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and I’m all out of gum.” Believe it or not and incredibly, he and the movie “They Live” by John Carpenter were shut out at the Oscars. :-(

  111. comic femme
    August 31st, 2006 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    Will Liz ever fatten up? What happened to the “living on my own being communal fed by the natives” phase?
    Will the Patterson kids always be sleek and high cheek boned?

    Sexual frustration aside-eating out of the Mac and cheese pot WILL ensure this—

    maybe, just maybe she will never marry? hee just a thought…

  112. ajopifuc ykvej
    June 23rd, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    cerxouk oqsf vnbutpk fydovrh xuzoknsqe yjbvdosz scbmznwpl

  113. Carly
    November 20th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    1) Why on earth doesn’t’s dialectizer have a “TDIET” filter? They should get on that.

    2) Despite being highly stylized, Japanese comic characters are STILL way easier to tell apart than Gil Thorp characters. And that’s just sad.

  114. Roger M. Wilcox
    January 14th, 2014 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Don’t be dissin’ eating straight out of the pot!

    It dirties one fewer dish.

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