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Dr. Mike’s Love Shack and Dry-out-orium

Mary Worth, 8/29/10

At last we get to this storyline’s dramatic turn: Dr. Mike will learn what a sucker he was to turn away from Jenna, because of the advice from his revenge-haunted drunk old dad, towards whom up to this point Mike has felt nothing but hate. But whatever! Mike will almost certainly now invite Jenna over for some hot sexing, right after he proposes. “What’s all that shouting from upstairs?” Jenna will ask? “Oh, it’s nothing, just my dad going through the DTs. Maybe I should loosen the straps holding him onto the bed?”

Of course, once Jenna learns that Mike has turned forever away from the booze, she’ll have to work overtime to hide her own drink the pain away habit. Oh, but wait, she’s a woman in Mary Worth who’s about to discover true love, so obviously she’ll never be sad again.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/29/10

Ha ha, the looks on Susan and Cayla’s faces in the next to last panel, as they prepare to hear about what they probably imagine will be Les’s plan for a mopey polygamous marriage, are priceless. Silly ladies, did you think your relationships with Les were about you, somehow? No, they’re about Les. They’re always about Les.

Spider-Man, 8/29/10

“I pretty much assumed I would choke to death on a Dorito while watching television, or maybe break my neck falling down a flight of stairs. This is actually kind of exciting!”

171 responses to “Dr. Mike’s Love Shack and Dry-out-orium”

  1. Uncle Lumpy
    August 29th, 2010 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man — OK, so the Puppet Master is the Features editor for a major newspaper, and he wants Spider-Man dead. But what’s his beef with Iron Man?

  2. seismic-2
    August 29th, 2010 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Where did I hear about your prostate cancer? I can’t reveal my source, but let’s just say it’s someone who really has his finger on the situation.”

  3. Black Drazon
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Dr. Mike’s Dad is totally rocking the Shakespearean death throes here. Overwrought gestures, head snapping first left and then right, and then the doubly complicated “lie at a forty five degree angle to the bed without disturbing the sheets and pressing against your loved one manoeuvrer.” The sad part is that this is just throwing a spotlight on his costar, who is totally rocking the “Ken Doll from Toy Story” look in panel 3 and the emotional range of a talentless puppy in the others.

  4. Walker of Dog
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Mr. Giella’s productivity (and golf game) will improve, now that he has decided to start drawing Kitty as a doppelganger of her mother, Kat. Behold: the KitKat!

    S-M: It’s only in the final panel, when Peter is moments from death, that his spidey-sense starts tingling? Even Beetle Bailey has a better fight-or-flight response (when Sarge’s asphyxiation play gets out of hand).

    – And today’s NEXT! box is intriguing. Do the Puppet Master’s dolls (sorry… action figures) run on regular alkaline batteries? Will his plan collapse for lack of a spare AA? Will Peter get punched in the face by a metal fist again and again? I, for one, can’t wait for the exciting answers.

  5. seismic-2
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    9CL: From the look of obvious frustration on Amos’s face, I daresay he will soon stop playing on his extended concert grand and instead will start playing on his extended organ.

  6. zenvelo
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    the best thing about this story line of Mary Worth? Mary hasn’t been in the strip in weeks!

  7. zenvelo
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    It looks like Dr Mike put the little package from the Hemlock Society right there on the nightstand so his dad won’t have to get out of bed.

  8. EasternBird
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    My paper inexplicably dropped the 2nd throwaway panel from today’s Blondie, but kept the first. So I assumed the whole strip was about Dagwood obsessing about the empty vending machines and was utterly confused until I looked up the strip online. And now I’m just annoyed.

  9. McManx
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman — The horrible pun at the end is enough for me to make a clay doll of Stan Lee and attach jumper cables from my truck battery to his testicles.

  10. Sed
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Bat Boy’s come a long way since his headlining days at Weekly World News.

  11. Digger
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    FW: Why did Les feel the need to call two people over to discuss the location of his book launch party? Did he think they were going to have a deep, drawn-out analysis of the pros and cons of his big plan? More than likely the ladies’ response will be to shrug and say “sure, whatever.” I think email could have sufficed quite nicely here.

    MW: “Don’t make the mistakes I did, Mikey. Find a good woman, settle down, and for God’s sake get rid of that hideous salmon-colored shirt.”

  12. Elaine C
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @EasternBird My paper did the same thing. I was actually checking the comments to see if anyone else had a clue as to what the strip was supposed to be about. Which means that I actually thought about Blondie, so my life has reached a new point of lameness.

  13. Thomas B.
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

  14. Anonymous
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    The bottle is the devil? I thought the bottle was where the genie lived! Oh, wait, that’s the lamp! Whew! Scared me there for a minute.

  15. farnsworth
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    The bottle is the devil? I thought the bottle was where the genie lived! Oh, wait, that’s the lamp! Whew! Scared me there for a minute.

  16. Thomas B.
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    Well that would be only thng Cayla or Susan had from Les that involved “long and hard.” Somebody had to say it.

  17. farnsworth
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    But seriously, does anyone use “the bottle” as a euphemism for alcoholism any more? Didn’t that go out of style it the 1960s?

    Oh, right, target audience.

  18. demoncat
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Mike taking his fathers advice to heart will rush out and beg Jena forgiveness. and then Mary will return and smile as her plan was back on track. Sue and Cayla’s expressions mean they have finaly figured out that if one of them winds up with Less they will wind up with a grim fate and be the subject of a book. spider man some how will wind up surviving and then he and iron man will take the puppet master puppets and put new batteries in them. with peter doning the iron spider suit.

  19. Oavis
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    If a web-slinging device is really so simple, why aren’t I master of the city’s rooftops by now?

  20. Thomas B.
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    This week’s Spiderman is the first example of the throw away panel being more interesting than the rest of the strip.

  21. Austria
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    BB: Ah…? Um. Wow. Marriage, indeed.


    GF: “But why do you always make dogs into the bad guys?” Gee, Satchel, I don’t know. Maybe Bucky’s feeling a bit indignant about the fact that, in pretty much everything, CATS are always portrayed as the bad guys?! Tom and Jerry. Sylvester and Tweety. Catdog. Almost any Disney movie you can think of. The cat gets too much of a bad rap. Rise up! Rise up, my feline friends, and overtake the menace!!!

    Garfield: I’m certain this is all copypasted.

    HH: I’m certain this is a reprint. I’m certain it hasn’t even been two years. I’m certain legacy comics are getting so desperate that they’re ALL starting to reprint crap.

    MC: I’m certain the fact that this strip is getting cancelled while legacies copypaste and whip out reruns means there is no justice in the world of newspaper comics.

    H&L: Oh my goodness, if Trixie wore a fez for the rest of her miserable existence I might actually be able to tolerate her inane ramblings. Do it! Make her wear a fez!! It’ll improve the strip TENFOLD!!!

    Luann: J–fjdgzpdl–Flag Day?! Who the eff cares about Flag Day? It hardly even– INDEPENDENCE DAY, WOMAN! INDEPENDENCE DAY!! Oy…

    Zits: The amount of detail in Jeremy’s room never fails to impress me.

  22. greghousesgf
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    can’t Mike get married and have kids AND be an alcoholic too? why limit himself?

  23. Rusty
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: This reminds me of a Cat Stevens song. “Find a girl, settle down, if you want to you can marry. Look at me, I am old, but I’m an alchy.”

    FW: Cayla and Susan should seize the moment, leave town together and get a condo in Northampton.

  24. Amateur
    August 29th, 2010 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    SM: Memo to last-panel text box: When you have to explain the joke, it’s not funny.

  25. Nekrotzar
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    Considering Les’s personal and employment ties to Montoni’s, combined with the fact that it appears to be the only restaurant in town, wouldn’t it appear to be the obvious, perhaps the only choice for the book launch party?

    “Ladies, I asked both of you to inconvenience yourselves and come to this awkward situation so you could both hear my idea: What do you think about my having my book printed on paper?”

  26. Patrick
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    “Don’t make the mistakes I did, Mikey! If your best friend is gunned down in front of you, don’t spend the rest of your life trying to find his killer. And if you do spend your life aching for revenge, make sure you do it sober! And bring your wife and child with you, because otherwise, your son will grow up not knowing how to love. So to recap, when your best friend is murdered on the street, go home, pick up your wife and child, buckle them safely in the car next to you and seek revenge as a FAMILY!

  27. NoahSnark
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    Of all the things that are not included in your average Spider-Man script, batteries do not even make my top ten.

  28. Poor Thompson
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    Funny, I always thought if a Mary Worth character used the phrase “It’s the Devil!”, it would be in reference to Mary, yet she doesn’t even appear in this one.

  29. Sassback
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    In the last panel, Cayla finally realizes she’s really competing with Susan for honorable mention in the Les’ Lifemate Beauty Pageant. She’s always known that the first woman in Les’ life is his dead wife (whether in ghost or book form) and second goes to Summer, but now she knows that third place goes to the Funkyverse’s conquering bitch mistress: Pizza.
    Susan meanwhile wonders if the scissors she’s has in her big pink purse are well hidden; she needs to be discrete if she’s ever going to finish her salt-and-pepper hair doll for the Les shrine that takes up her apartment.

  30. Poteet
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

  31. ElkMeadow
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    The time machine in Prince Valiant seems to be in fine operating order. Aleta went into the future with Valiant and Ig were throwing punches, because that sauce pan sure wasn’t in the luggage and probably not in that time period.

    The newspaper guy made up the story, and is now testing in on the mayor. Of course he will site “confidentiality.”

    Great. Now to stir up Dead Tree Reader’s interest, there will be a poll about whether or not Les should have his book signing at the pizza place or at Toxic Burrito. Notice that there are no, nada, bookstores in the town.

    I call, too, that during the booksigning, Wally will accidentally do something to ruin the event, such as put the unmarked box of books out at the curb for the garbage guy, spill mop water on the books piled on the floor next to the table, or smash a pizza into Les’s face, or freak-out when the camera lights flash, because the booksigning will be a major media event and there will be camera flashes!

    Or maybe it won’t be a major media event and NOBODY will show up to buy books or have them signed, and even the regular pizza customers will stay away to avoid the expected crowds.

  32. Poteet
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    FW — Attention Batiuk; getting a book published is not that uncommon these days, and there’s nothing in the process that requires one to turn into a self-obsessed dickhead.

  33. ElkMeadow
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know much about death and dying, or illnesses, but wouldn’t it have been better to take dear old dad to a medical facility where he could have been checked out by doctors who have snazzy machines and who would ask the hard questions like, “Why did you stop shaking the moment your son left the room?”

    It’s not like DOCTOR Mike couldn’t afford it.

  34. ElkMeadow
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#32):

    There’s a book signing about every week in my area. The newspapers get the story ahead of time and do a nice write-up about the book and the author. We can expect with “Lisa’s Story,” there will be no advance notice in the town and the newspaper will get wind of it when the intern walks by with the sandwich order.

  35. commodorejohn
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#32): “Turn into?” Doesn’t that imply that he wasn’t one to begin with?

  36. Trilobite
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#33): Doctor Mike’s just looking for another excuse to not call Jenna back. “What? I can’t go on a date, I have to watch over my dying father. No, Mary, LOVE IS NOT FOR ME.”

    Okay, that won’t happen, but it should.

  37. Oavis
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nekrotzar (#25): These days, sadly, having your book printed on paper might be one of the key decisions an author has to make.

  38. Rusty
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    FW: Is getting a memoir published by the Kent State Press one step up from a vanity publisher? Why would any university press, even a half ass one like Kent State, publish this kind of thing? I assume a university press would publish works by its own faculty and mainly academic works. Not douchy remembrances of a life poorly spent.

  39. Scott Bot
    August 29th, 2010 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    9CL – As someone who usually can’t tell the difference between Foreigner and Journey, much less differentiate between classical composers, I found today’s strip somewhat pretentious. And also somewhat erotic. Man, I hate being conflicted.

    MW – Ok, didn’t I see this scene in an educational film back when I was in high school?

    FW – Am I the only one that thought that today’s strip was unfinished? I swear, I thought someone posted the thing with the lower third missing. I went to three different comic strip sites before I confirmed that, yep, that was the whole thing.

  40. LoFoMoFo
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    MW: Dr. Mike’s house is vaguely reminiscent of the Brady Bunch’s split level residence in the Brady Bunch movie. This would be the one that served as an inspiration for every building the architect father Brady designed regardless of its function. However, the garage door in their house was big enough to accommodate something larger than an adult tricycle.

  41. Scott Bot
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    @LoFoMoFo (#40): Come to think of it, Dr Mike does kind of resemble Bobby Brady. Maybe in tomorrow’s strip, Dr Mike and his sibling will sing ‘Sunshine Day’ on TV to help raise money for Lonnie’s medical treatment.

    Ok, I need sleep…

  42. Rusty
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    I checked out the Kent State Press website. Among its expected offerings, one book stood out as a repository of grim medical terminology and chronic smirking:

    Yes, Les wins the tie breaker over midlife crisis Funky as Batiuk’s doppelganger.

  43. Scott Bot
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#42): And only $27.95, too!

  44. Hank
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    RE: Spiderman. Hate to be a fanboy here, but the Puppet master was never a Spiderman villain or an Iron Man villain. He was an enemy of the Fantastic Four.

  45. Red Greenback
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    S-Man: Panel 4 is vaguely reminiscent of something… Ah, yes… Action figures ripped my flesh. RZZZZZ!

  46. ElkMeadow
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#38):

    It’s in the :Literature and Medicine” series.

    On a different note, if you click on the “books” link in the side bar and scroll down, you will find a book that has a picture of a scary clown on it. Just warning you.

    I would like to get a Treasury of Cathy Cartoons when it’s published. I get a bit weepy knowing that she is going to be gone and Batiuk still has two strips going on.

  47. Brimstone
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    Yeah but Spidey has been interacting with the Fantastic Four since the start, trying to join the FF and hanging out with Human Torch

    i gotta say i dig the art in today’s Spider-Man, but i’m a long time Spider-Man fan and a mopey losers, so i’ll love Spidey and Funky Winkerbean

  48. Thomas B.
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    MW- This is like Reefer Madness only with a harmful substance.

  49. tommy
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    WOW! Spiderman is actually Awesome today!

    Spiderman is getting the LIVING SHIT kick out of him by IRON MAN!

    Way to step up the daily! Plots about Murder, betrayal, and Superheros. I got a little excited

    And to top it of, IRON MAN IS SODOMIZING PETER PARKER IN THE PENULTIMATE PANEL! He’s got that look of pure prison sex on his iron face as he enters him with his Iron member.

  50. TruthOfAngels
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    “What do you think about holding my book launch party here at Montoni’s?”

    “That crappy drivel? Sure. Why hold it anywhere good?”

  51. Joe Blevins
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    The NEXT box in this Spider-Man is more incoherent than usual. I get that Stan Lee is attempting an “assault and battery”/”batteries not included” pun of some sort, but the wording just makes it seem like assault and battery will not be included in the next installment when, in fact, those things will most likely be included. Might I suggest the following?

    NEXT! Parker takes a beating… and keeps on bleating!

  52. Poteet
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:36 am [Reply]

  53. Poteet
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    FC — So on top of their other crimes, the Melonhead Family have got two unsecured pets riding in their (outdated) vehicle. I don’t care if the melonheads go flying through the windshield, but I’ve always felt sorry for Barfy and Kittycat being stuck in that strip, and they should be in carriers.

  54. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Sigh… when it comes to Les, I’m sure the only thing that comes long and hard is thinking.

  55. Poteet
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    MW — “Don’t ever let the bottle get to you! It’s the devil! Stick to cans!”

  56. Red Greenback
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#55): Ha! Or box wine.

  57. DamienBixlan
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    Maybe it’s because of the “long and hard” bit, but today’s Funky Winkerbean looks a setup for a porno flick: “Montoni’s Threesome : Cancerous and Horny”. Yeah, it’s a very depressing porno.

  58. Rusty
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#46): I suppose a Comics and Cancer category would be a turn-off. As well as a very brief listing.

  59. Parmalat Loire
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Scenes that demand mild interest? Violence? Action? What happened to my bland Spider-Man? I am penning a letter at this moment declaring my outrage that my super-hero is no longer a fitting role model! How can I adequately enjoy yelling at my television and moping at situations I could easily change if I didn’t want to engage in pointless histrionics when Spider-Man is actually doing something? For shame, writer and artist, for trying to show our impressionable children violent scenes rather than showing that a true super-hero can take pleasure in a televised bridge match and a warm glass of prune juice.

  60. Poteet
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    8/30 MW — “Yeah, I’m sweating profusely and have the shakes real bad, but somehow I know that here, in this uncomfortable single bed in this room with a color scheme so hideous that it’s frying my eyeballs and no actual medical help whatsoever, this is where I’m supposed to be!”

  61. ElkMeadow
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    I haven’t checked in with The New Adventures of Queen Victoria lately.

    I hope it pulls through. Real Life got in the way on August 10 (see his notice at gocomics in the comments section), it went into reruns for a few weeks (see August 12), and should be back to originals tomorrow.


  62. Uncle Lumpy
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#38):

    It works like this: a professor from a tiny college convinces rich, sick, and none-too-bright alums to contribute toward a foundation to advance, oh, say, “questions of human values in health care contexts within clinical settings, medical and other health professional schools, and the liberal arts environment.”

    Alums die: POW — gravy train! Summer salary, travel budget, restored office, antique furniture, full-time secretary, dare I ask for a car?

    Oh, crap! – I’ve got to “advance the questions of human values in mumble mumble contexts blah blah settings zzzzz…” No, wait! Maybe I’ll just publish some books about sick people! Yeah, that’s the ticket!

    Ah, but who will write these useless books as a pretext for my little scam? Hahahaha.

  63. Poteet
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    8/30 9CL — Peter may be no special prize, but I’m dumfounded that this idiotic situation is being blamed on him. It was Edie who set it up. And as an aside, any normal daughter and granddaughter would probably be just a little peeved at Mom/Gran taking her good old time, as in a few decades, TO TELL THEM WHO THEIR REAL FATHER/GRANDFATHER IS. Only in the deranged dimension that is Planet BrookeEgo would this situation be the fault of the sanest character in the story. Not that that’s saying much.

  64. Poteet
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#63): Sorry, shoulda been “dumbfounded.” And apparently this story is indeed going to continue, so to “dumbfounded,” I’ll add a long, deep groan.

  65. Stroker Ace
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    FW – Susan & Cayla should go Vincent Vega & Jules Winnfield on Les’s ass: “Hey, that’s Kool & The Gang” …followed by gunshots.

  66. Poteet
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:20 am [Reply]


    CRANKSHAFT — Those are the wrong lyrics, buddy.

    JP — Gee, thanks, Narration Box. I never woulda figured that out.

    MT — So it’s going to be a game farm story. I suppose we’ll never find out if they bother to obey the law and get a permit for the deer.

  67. Poteet
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    8/30 MT — Actually, I think this story will be about canned hunting. Whether MT will use that term, who knows. Maybe it will devolve into an attempt to rescue Lucky.

  68. Poteet
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    PV — Nice work, Aleta.

  69. Rana
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#63): Well, it’s a reality in which everything revolves around the Burber women, who are always right and universally compelling to all male beings, including the gay ones. That’s why, in Juliette’s mind, Peter is to blame – he succumbed to the usual attraction, but somehow was able to wiggle free for all those years, even if he suffered mental damage as a result.

  70. Farley's Revenge
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#32): For some reason, I read “dickhead” as “dicktard”. Granted, either one is apropos, but it struck me as amusing.

  71. ElkMeadow
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    Whoa, Stan Lee is going to be at Dragon*con!

    (I’ll bet I missed the previous postings about that….)

  72. dreadedcandiru2
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#63): What really hurts is that Panzer Woman and Maria Susanna expect this man, who didn’t even really know he had a child up until about a few hours ago, to immediately change his whole life around to accommodate then. This is not to say that he’s right to want to have nothing to do with them or that he was right to let Colonel Iago ‘talk’ him into doing what he was going to do the instant he found out that he didn’t have all of Gran’s love and run off crying. What it means is that he has to have the time to figure out what to do with this new information and proceed from there. Where he’ll, of course, proceed is to Gran’s farm to be told how stupid he was by a dime-store Time Lord.

  73. dreadedcandiru2
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    Luann: Frank doesn’t like the song (which means he has taste), doesn’t like how Bruce spent half a day producing it and super-hates how it’s stuck in his head like the ear worm from Wrath of Khan.

  74. Kibo
    August 30th, 2010 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    I am disappointed that “Funky Winkerbean” missed a perfect opportunity to have a character yell “THAT’S WHAT SHEEEEE SAID!” after the fourth panel. It’s like they don’t even understand the official rules of formal comedy.

  75. Neurodiversity....
    August 30th, 2010 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    FW: What annoys me about Monday’s strip is how Cayla is about to give Les the reaming out he deserves, then sees Susan’s effusive gushing and quickly copies it. Les smirks, seeing how he has, one more time, made this competent, confident, mature, African American career woman, the mother of his daughter’s best friend, lose her voice and smother her opinions in the face of an immature, emotionally unstable, former student of Les, who just happens to be European American and have a teaching degree and no kids. Way to pull the race and class card, yo’. Real smooth. Cayla deserves so much better it’s not even funny. No, wait, this is FW: “It’s not even funny” goes without saying.

  76. Karmyn
    August 30th, 2010 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    @Thomas B. (#48):
    No, Reefer Madness had a more coherent plot line and more interesting characters. They were all idiots, but idiots you could laugh at without feeling guilty. Dr. Mike and Jena are like when you laugh at that weird kid before you find out he was in a bad accident or something.

  77. dreadedcandiru2
    August 30th, 2010 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    @Neurodiversity…. (#75): It’s bound to get a lot worse before it gets better; five bucks says that when she finally has enough of his whole Little Chocolate Fantasy bullcrap and says so, Big Daddy Les will cop an attitude about how he’s color-blind. Since he’s Batiuk’s avatar, she’ll have to agree that it is raining despite his actually peeing on her leg.

  78. bunivasal
    August 30th, 2010 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    Batteries not included–the bane of Peter and Mary Jane Parker, for related by decidedly different reasons.

  79. bats :[
    August 30th, 2010 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    @LoFoMoFo (#40): I think there might be some insidious motive for Dr. Mike to have a home that would fit the entire Brady clan (and Alice. and Tiger.). I think Mary better be on her guard

  80. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 30th, 2010 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    reBEBA (a/k/a Beetle Bailey) — It’s 1980, so shouldn’t Mort Walker be using cousin Jimmy Walker’s catch phrase… “dy-no-mite”?

    A3G — Mo’ hair, mule!

    Oh, Brother! — Lily’s stock gets liquidated!

    Phantom — Squeeze play!

    Funky Winkerbean — Two peas and a clod!

    The Pajama Diaries — To quote Dear Abby: “Women who miscalculate are called mothers.”

  81. Roman Fingers
    August 30th, 2010 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    9CL: “Bitchiness to Warp Factor 9…”

    A3G: You’ve never heard of hair extensions? What are you–stuck in 1966 or something? Oh, that’s right. Nevermind.

    BaBlu: Well, Wanda, it’s not like you didn’t know how raising a kid panned out after you had one. This one’s on you. (Bonus points though, for showing breastfeeding in a printed daily strip).

    DtM: Great. Then everybody in the strip will be running around naked. Dennis, do you really want to be responsible for foisting a naked Mr. Wilson on a terrified world?

    DT: To help put the pieces together, Mrs. D suggests Dick should talk to her husband’s lawyer, “Jigs” R. Puzzle.

    FC: He wants to hear the ocean? Might I suggest waterboarding? Not to get information, just on the general principle of the thing.

    GT: The point, kid, is…is…aw hell. Take a lap. That’s the point.

    JP: When your name is “Randy”, it’s never enough.

    Luann: The problem, of course, is that you can only get rid of an earwig by replacing it with something worse. We’re looking at a “Banana Splits” scenario here, people.

    MT: In panel 2, Mark answers a question that nobody asks.

    MW: Give Lonnie a cigarette in a long holder, and it suddenly looks like a scene from “Sunrise at Campabello”.

    RMMD: Stu-never get into a war of words with someone who buys his ink by the barrel. Your wife knows, and Rex knows. Since we can be pretty sure they wouldn’t do something that forced them to change the name of the strip to “Rex Morgan, Disgraced Former Medical Professional”, it’s got to be your wife.

  82. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 30th, 2010 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#79):

    As my seven-year-old is fond of saying: “He has ‘X’ eyes!”

  83. Master Softheart
    August 30th, 2010 at 3:18 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: In the world of newspaper cartooning, there is only one killing insult: “The Family Circus did it first.” Well, Dick Tracy comedy team, we have finally discovered the next step in professional contempt: “And Bill Keane did it better.”

    9CL: Aside from nice legs, these characters are so relentlessly unappealing that I honestly wonder how the artist intends that we relate to them. After meeting the father she never knew she had and discovering that he is a brilliant vocalist with a distinguished career, that he always deeply loved her mother, and that he lives a sad and lonely life in Vienna, waiting for death to steal him away from the memories that have implausibly haunted and dominated his life for over a half century, the Burber women each in their own way insult and degrade him, express their unleavened contempt for him, and then head to the airport. Sure the cut rate Count de Almásy is pitiful, but at this point in your lives and his, are you really incapable of even the most basic human feeling toward him?

    GT: Important safety tip: do not leave your waxwork football players out int he hot August sun.

  84. A New Day
    August 30th, 2010 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    Well, I for one can’t wait for the next time one of my girl friends tells me about her latest Date Who Didn’t Call. My old standards – “he’s probably just busy,” “give it a few more days,” or even “he must be in the hospital, suffering from memory loss” – have always fallen a bit flat. But “he’s suffering from emotionally crippling abandonment issues because his father left him to pursue a doomed vendetta, but soon he’ll find that father and rescue him, and his dad will then convince him to call you.” In real life, the guy still won’t call back, but I’ll at least her from that fact for a few minutes while she considers my sanity.

  85. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 30th, 2010 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    Family Circus — Ha ha… Jeffy has water on the brain!

    Rex Morgan — Stu’s beef!

    Hi & Lois — One for the money, two for the show!

    Spider-Man — Sock puppet!

    Mark Trail — The game is afoot!

    Love is… a couple of litterbugs!

  86. Shadrach
    August 30th, 2010 at 3:57 am [Reply]

    What I’d love to see happen next in 9CL, but won’t: Kiesel catching the next flight to America to win Edna back…only to come face to face with a jealous Thorax who threatens to Ambrose Bierce him to death. Then the two of them have a hissy slap-fight for Edna’s hand, until she steps between them and says, “I don’t want either of you. Nor do I want anything to do with my pompous, bitchy daughter and granddaughter anymore. I’m running off with Skeezix.”

  87. Just some guy
    August 30th, 2010 at 4:00 am [Reply]

    It looks like Mike’s home has no garage, or even a driveway.
    Clever design.

  88. Just some guy
    August 30th, 2010 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    Oh wait, I take that back, I guess that black thing is a driveway, I thought it was a shadow.

  89. dale
    August 30th, 2010 at 4:13 am [Reply]


    I haven’t seen Monday’s strip, so this is just a guess:
    Les asks CaylaSue to do all the work for his party.

    note to me – this is working better in a new window rather than tab.

  90. K. Ivan Ruppert
    August 30th, 2010 at 4:22 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does Monday’s Zits make it seem like Jeremy’s been out Cougar-hunting?

  91. dale
    August 30th, 2010 at 4:37 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#32):

    I’ve bought a number of those books at Big Lots!, most (c)2006. Prices started at $3.00 and now are down to 50 cents. [A keyboard for grownups would have a cents sign on it.]

  92. Readem and Laf
    August 30th, 2010 at 4:42 am [Reply]

    Spiderman — The puppetmaster was sweating like crazy in earlier strips, and now he’s stopped.

    Will he die of heat exhaustion before his arch enemies?

  93. The Ridger
    August 30th, 2010 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#35): I was about to ask that exact question!

  94. John C Fremont
    August 30th, 2010 at 6:39 am [Reply]

    GT – Alex Rebar?

  95. Chyron HR
    August 30th, 2010 at 6:40 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker (Saturday, Sunday and beyond) – Am I completely misreading this storyline, or is April supposed to be a cut-rate Carmen Sandiego?

  96. gleeb
    August 30th, 2010 at 6:54 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Looks like a difference of feeling here. I suggest a gladiatorial-style fight to decide it. 100 quatloos on Susan!

  97. Ed Power, Cage Writer
    August 30th, 2010 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    hey Guys,

    Thanks for the support over on And to seismic-2 for once again supporting us on the Washing Post’s ‘Comic Riffs’ blog ( )

    BTW: If any of you have written us e-mails. I will get back to you. We got a lot of support coming in there too. :) My Faves are the “I’ve never liked your strip, but it’s much better then ‘comic strip x’ and that’s been around forever. How is that?” ones. :D :D :D )

    Mel and I are still deciding our next move.

    Thanks again.


  98. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 30th, 2010 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#31):

    The time machine actually belongs to Alley Oop’s Dr. Wonmug. PV and Aleta use it to p/u anachronisms whenever they need a prop that’s not found “in the days of King Arthur”! Incidentally, did you know Ig and Alley Oop are cousins?

  99. Mela
    August 30th, 2010 at 7:32 am [Reply]


    BB: For those who might have thought Beetle Bailey was funny back in the day, we now present these classic reruns to prove otherwise.

    ‘Shaft: I always sangs it “The monkey thought it was all in fun till POP! goes the weasel”. Huh.

    FC: I’d say this is stupid, but the exact same thing happened to me after spending a week at a relative’s beach house in Florida. It’s just sooooo soothing. Crap, now I miss it again. Damn you, Family Circus!

    Fast Track: I hate to say “It’s funny ‘cuz it’s true”, but… yeah.

    FW: Okay, between the creepy “spread the jam like Lisa” moment during the charity race a while back, caving in here, and the decision to grow a nice little femstache, Cayla is officially hosed. We should’ve expected this – Susan is just Lisa with a different haircut and no tumors, so of course that’s Batiuk’s… I mean, Les’s preferred mate.

    GA: Shame this isn’t a crossover, so we could have a bus careening into the book launch in Westview. Sigh.

    H&J: I believe we’re seeing a glimpse into the relationship between the artist & his editor right now, and it’s pretty horrifying in its nose-rubbing.

    MT: Okay, who called “private hunting yard for the lazy”? I know someone did.

    My Cage: Awwwww…

    PBS: Strained puns work better when they’re acknowledged as strange puns.

    6Chix: I feel dirty – this made me laugh a little.

    Zits: Ha, ha! It’s funny because Connie is so determined to hate her son that she’s willfully blind to any virtues he might have! But that’s okay, because he’s a filthy, evil teenager and she’s a noble long-suffering Boomer, so everyone in the audience is clearly on her side, amirite?

  100. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 30th, 2010 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#4):

    I think Joe Giella will be greatly surprised to find he now draws A3G… instead of Mary Worth! And poor Frank Bolle won’t learn that he’s lost his job until he sees the giant padlock KFS put on the door to his studio!

  101. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 30th, 2010 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    6C: first medical maryjane joke in the funnies? I LOL’d, but oooh, they’re gonna get letters!

    SFx: Sly knows that “valuable” and “Kansas City Royals” are oxymorons.

    A3G: ummm, Margo? They’re called hair extensions. (10-style cornrows? that would be very 80′s, so at least a 3 decade jump in fashion.)

    GT: *insert bukkake joke here* (if you don’t know what that is, I’d suggest NOT googling it to find out while at work. just sayin’.)

    MC: WIN with peanut sauce.

    NS: Wiley just summed up half the comics in the past week!

    SB: at least she knows enough to wear a high-necked top. Dr’s a perv!

    apologies for any oversnark, posting prior to reading the overnight/earlybird posts.

  102. Spunde
    August 30th, 2010 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    @Mela (#99): Susan is just Lisa with a different haircut and no tumors

    All we know for sure is the different haircut.

  103. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 30th, 2010 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    MW: Be careful, Dr. Mike—next thing you know, he’ll be getting all liquored up and breaking your glass swans.

    A3G: Ellen DeGeneres does hair? I guess that explains Portia DiRossi’s hair extensions.

    Curtis: Curtis’s evil plans include saving the environment; he’s about to achieve Dennis-like levels of menace there.

    Zits: When I taught middle school, I’d often have the experience of complimenting parents on their quite likable kids—and I’d get the same befuddled reaction. But those parents at least had the grace to sound pleased and to say thank you.

    MT: Why would anyone want to keep you out, Mark? I mean, who would avoid a grinning, horrific mutant boy with the IQ of a decaying log; a puppy made of cookie dough who’s only one notch brighter; a “doctor” who conducts mysterious experiments in his lab; a wife whose only discernible skill is pouring coffee and making the occasional batch of pancakes; and a punch-happy nature writer with one redeeming characteristic: Andy? You all sound like the ideal neighbors!

  104. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 30th, 2010 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy — The hackneyed dialogue has DT talking out of one side of his mouth!

    Luann — For some reason “Stuck in the Middle” by Stealers Wheel was running in my head when I read Monday’s strip!

    Edge City — Park(ing) violation!

    My Cage — Today’s strip looks like a cross between Love is… and Peanuts!

    Cathy — I don’t care how Guisewite finally does her in, but Cathy ODing on chocolate or some other snack food would be at the top of my list!

    Gil Thorp — No wonder he’s grousing… his face is melting!

  105. LP2004
    August 30th, 2010 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#103): Having Mark Trail and company as neighbors would cause the Addams Family to quickly put up a ‘For Sale’ sign.

  106. 8th Man Fan
    August 30th, 2010 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Sun. S-M, panel 6: By all rights, a direct hit to the side of the face by an armored, electronically-enhanced fist should at least pulverize Spidey’s cheekbone. How is he even conscious?

    Then there’s today’s S-M, in which Peter can not only still speak, but forces Iron Man to bump into a brick wall. Despite Iron Man having armor that can withstand bomb-blasts, this is somehow enough to both shake Tony’s death-grip and cause the puppet to fly out of Puppet-Master’s hand.

    I give up.

  107. Mooncattie
    August 30th, 2010 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    S-M – Quick, Puppet Master! Change your name to Mister Mojo and get into the celebrity hairdressing business before it’s too late! Keep the personality, though. Those New York City ladies are even tougher to break down than Spider-Man!

  108. Scott Bot
    August 30th, 2010 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    FW – Susan: ‘Me, Les, pick me! I told you it would be a great idea! I did, I did! That means I love you, not…her.’

    Gt – ‘I’m melting, I’m melting…oh, what a world.’

    JT – Surprisingly, this time Randy seems to have both hands in sight. Perhaps this is why April seems a tad upset.

    Zits – It’s a lot funnier if you change the line to ‘Jeremy WAS amazing…’

  109. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 30th, 2010 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    A couple of Guy Gilchrist strips:

    Nancy… is so kindhearted that the only fish she eats is Pepperidge Farm Goldfish!

    Today’s Dogg… is barking because the dwarf swiped his copy of Better Gnomes & Gardens!

  110. wossname
    August 30th, 2010 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#79): OMG, bats :[, you’ve outdone yourself once again! Multiple layers of nuanced wackiness!

    @Mela (#99): I agree about “Pop Goes the Weasel” lyrics. I guess this is some bowdlerized version invented to keep kiddies from thinking about a weasel popping a monkey.

    As far as crossover possibilities for GA, the bus could careen onto the beach and get a flat tire and have the jack slip, trapping somebody as the tide comes in; or it could go sailing over the cliff at Aldo Point; or it could run into a PT Cruiser and all the kids have a timewarp experience. No lack of automotive mishap options.

  111. Spiff Bereft
    August 30th, 2010 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    SM: The real beauty of Puppet Master’s plan is that no one will ever suspect him. “Iron Man on an alcohol fueled blackout killed another superhero? It must be Tuesday.”

  112. TheDiva
    August 30th, 2010 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Oh, let me guess: Curtis ignored Gunk’s warnings and abuses this latest sample of Flyspeck flora, it gets out of control, and hilarity ensues!

    DT: “Right now this case is a big jumble. Did you have any cross words with your husband before he vanished?”

    FW: Note the anxious look in Cayla’s eyes as Les and Suicidal Susan stare her down, the hesitance of her line “…yes…a fantastic idea.” She has clearly realized she’s the only sane human being in the room, and is carefully humoring the other two until she can get to her car, lock the doors, and put as much distance between herself and their derangement as she can.

    MW: Today the role of Mike’s dad will be played by Tommy Smothers.

  113. Sequitur
    August 30th, 2010 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Click for Pop Goes the Weasel history.

    I don’t see Crankshaft’s version in there. Besides, what’s a monkey doing wearing socks, anyway?

  114. Robin
    August 30th, 2010 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    It seems like all Mike gets to do now is stare in confusion or sympathy at his father. It seems like he hasn’t been able to speak in about six years.

    In other news, faux Iron Man just wants a hug.

  115. Braniff
    August 30th, 2010 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#53): Don’t forget the other pooch–unless the melonhead family decided to get rid of him!

  116. Braniff
    August 30th, 2010 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Or take the little melonhead down to the local lake and have him set forth on a three-hour tour, a three-hour tour . . .

  117. Hank
    August 30th, 2010 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @8th Man Fan (#106): I can buy that Spidey’s superpowers make him more resilient to a punch from Iron Man than would be a normal person (we’ve seen him take punches from Doc Ock’s armored tentacles dozens of times, after all). But, yeah, there’s no way that slamming Iron Man into a wall would have any effect on him. After all, the guy is wearing a friggin’ battlesuit for a reason.

  118. Walker of Dog
    August 30th, 2010 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#66): What gets me is how excited the JP narration box is: “She’s continuing her conversation! On the way to the farm! With Randy! It’s a conversation! C’mon everybody – gather round!”

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#100): D’oh. Well, as long as someone’s golf game improves…

    @bats :[ (#79): Another masterpiece – well done!

  119. Will
    August 30th, 2010 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    SFx: Right, because it’s so hard to believe that Shady could have made the exhaustive 17 mile trip from downtown KCK to Kauffman Stadium.

    On a side note, the Royals are terrible, but they have a great ballpark. I highly recommend it if you’re in the area.

    August 30th, 2010 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Dick- I’m going to be really pissed if Dick doesn’t mention the Jumble somewhere in the next three months of this, so clever, puzzle story. We are syndication family members. Show a brother some love, Dick.

  121. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    August 30th, 2010 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    9cl — Who wears seatbelts in a Vienna taxicab? I mean, I understand doing so in a Paris cab, but Vienna?

  122. The Party Sim
    August 30th, 2010 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    A3G: Ah, delicious irony! They will chop off LuAnn’s hair, dye it black and use it on Margo as extensions! Next up: Human Centipede! Bwa ha ha ha ha!

  123. AndyL
    August 30th, 2010 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Usually when someone invites his closest friends to Montoni’s because he has something important to tell them, the big news is a cancer diagnosis.

    Les is so whimsical and childlike that he makes a big deal out of good news. Silly Less, One day you’ll learn that the only thing that matters in life is cancer.

  124. Stu
    August 30th, 2010 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    GT: The end of summer brings about the annual prank of putting hydrochloric acid in the garden hose…

  125. Walker of Dog
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Puppet Master is getting fussy, throwing his little mind-control toy and pitching a fit. It’s nap time for somebody…

    9CL: Kids, always wear your seatbelts, even in a taxicab. Meanwhile, blah blah narcissism blah blah whatever.

    FW: Come on Cayla, you have too much self-respect to get dragged into a contest for the affections of a loser like Les Moore. For your sake, I hope your cancer is one of the quick ones.

    A3G: Margo is intrigued: a mechanical hair-stretching device? How delightfully cruel…

    GT: What’s the point of spraying honey all over your face? Good question – maybe you’re trying to build a beard of bees?

    JP: April is put off by Randy’s aggressive come-ons and his creepy leering. I hope Randy enjoys staying home and playing with his dagger.

    MT: Cherry Trail is shuffling vacantly from panel to panel, trying to get anyone to compliment her new same hairdo.

  126. The Inedible Iron Spam
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Sunday Mary Worth: I’m glad to see in the title panel that Mike’s house is part of the exurban Charterstone Phase Seven. Most times, we only see the more tightly-packed condominiums and common areas, both of which smack of godless collectivism (hence the need for a Mary Worth to enforce bourgeious social conventions, lest the collectivistic material base influence the residents’ minds toward a more giving and forgiving communal outlook). However, in the title panel we see a nice cabin-style split-level surrounded by trees, bushes, and meadows—all the better for tending to your father in secret shame, as well protecting the rest of Charterstone from the grim realities beyond the gate.

  127. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Okay, flight coupons to Vienna, hotels, meals, etc., somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 to 3 thousand dollars, at LEAST, and you didn’t even say goodbye to Herr Kiesl, just GLARED at him for daring to refuse the wishes of the Royal Burbers? And we were treated to a YEAR of this storyline? Damn, girl. We had better see lots of jungle panties stories in the next few months to make up for this mess, and I mean LOTS.

  128. ElkMeadow
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @The Inedible Iron Spam (#126):

    Mike doesn’t live at Charterstone. Jenna’s aunt does, and so does Bert and Ernie Bonnie and Ernest. Or whatever his name is.

  129. ElkMeadow
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Preview. It’s your friend.

    I did not mean to strike out Bonnie and Ernie. Well, maybe I did, unconsciously.

  130. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Archie : …is SUCH a dumbass. What you do, is you deliver the pizzas, the girls claim to “forget” their purses, then they ask if there is ” some way they can pay for the pizzas”, you get some pizza sauce on your shirt, they show you the shower, and do I really have to explain the rest?

  131. Buck Ripsnort
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    S-M: OK, I can buy that kicking Iron Man through a wall might startle him enough to make him lose his grip, but how does throwing around the Doll-Controlled person make the DOLL move? And when the hell did Iron Man AND Spider-Man (neither of whom has ever MET Puppet-Master before, to my knowledge) become his “most hated enemies”? I need to lay down for a while.

  132. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB: If Mrs. Hardacre lived in a cave and ate kids for breakfast, that would have actually made this strip readable.

  133. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: Hell, kids, this is nothing. When she was in middle school, Younger Sis The Bartender used to ride to school with a driver who kept a six pack under the seat. In the dead of winter. I love Wisconsin.

  134. The Inedible Iron Spam
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#129): What!?! I thought all Mary Worth characters were contractually obligated to live at Charterstone, a sort of Pullman, Chicago for comic strip characters.

  135. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Welcome to our world, Frank. When this happens, I focus on the part with the prison crapper. It makes the song seem better than I know it actually is. Also the part with Luann in the swimsuit is fun, but I’m sure you don’t want to think about that.

  136. bats :[
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#99): Susan is just Lisa with a different haircut and no tumors.


  137. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#133): That reminds we of when I got out of the USAF. I got in a civilian taxi at Maxwell AFB (Montgomery AL), and shared the back seat with 2 cases of beer (one of them already consumed). The driver told be to pass him one and grab one for myself.

    That was the longest 3 mile drive to the airport I’d ever been on.

  138. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Spider Man: Wow. Pete just….slammed Tony against a brick wall. Tony must be drunk. Only answer. He shouldn’t have even FELT that. I know Peter did more work in that panel than he’s done all year, but…..he just….SLAMMED Iron Man…against an old brick wall…..I need coffee…

  139. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#137): Yeah, I began to appreciate rural living a lot more after that.

  140. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#131): Puppet Master has never been quite right. He usually winds up as the number two to some bigger villain, but today I think he just forgot to take his meds. I mean, his daughter dated Ben Grimm AND the Silver Surfer, that’s gotta get to you after awhile.

  141. The Inedible Iron Spam
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#138): Had the same thought. Power armor v. brick wall = Spider-Man crushed by iron arms underneath a pile of bricks. On the other hand, Stan Lee has yet to kill the momentum of this fight scene by flashing over to MJ wringing her hands as she watches TV coverage of her husband getting pwned, so that’s an improvement.

  142. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    My Cage : “Beenuts”. I love it. Damn it , it’s not right that My Cage gets cancelled come Halloween, and Luann has her own pop single.

  143. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    FW: Wow. Les has those two ladies by the proverbial short and curlies. Guess there’s a lot more to Les than we’ve seen here…..

  144. Smokehouse
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Dr. Mike’s range of facial expressions is very impressive. I wonder if he’s every considered acting?

  145. Aviatrix
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#127): Maybe they did it on airline and hotel points. As a professional ballerina, the granddaughter must travel all the time for work and accumulate more points than she can use.

    Also, I know this has been addressed, but according to granny, mom was conceived in 1945, so born in 1946 and is at retirement age. If she gave birth to granddaughter at thirty-five, that was 1981, then granddaughter is pushing thirty, which must be the approaching the sunset of a career on your toes, no? Do we have any markers of how old anyone is supposed to be, aside from mother’s conception date?

  146. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#104): You know, if you play Stuck In The Middle and the Hey Boy video with the sound turned down, it’s a LOT better.

  147. teenchy
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @dreadedcandiru2 (#77): A pity Damon Wayans couldn’t show up and go all Wrath of Farrakhan on Les’ ass.

    @Master Softheart (#83): I mean really. Did I miss the strip somewhere where Edie/Eva and Kiesl mutually agreed that she should decamp to Omaha and marry T.S. Garp? Or was that orchestrated by the OSS guy and did I just not pick up on that bit of subtlety?

    I think it’s been said here – maybe even by myself – that Amos is McE’s doppelgänger. Given that all of the male characters in the strip (with the possible exception of minor characters Seth and Mark, the defrocked priest guy and the divine Monty) are practically ciphers, apparently existing only to worship at the feet of Edie/Juliette/Edda, I’m not so sure anymore. After all, how many people thought at first that Brooke was actually a woman?

  148. Twinkles the Elf
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Wow, who knew that bed rest was a cure for alcoholism?

  149. Jamus The Bartender
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#145): That actually makes a lot of sense, I didn’t think of that. As far as the age thing, i’m suspecting some kind of Dorian Grey shenannigans.

  150. wossname
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#146): If you turn the sound down and close your eyes, it’s even better.

  151. The Inedible Iron Spam
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Sunday Mary Worth Redux: Mike’s expression in Thowaway 2 is that of genuine shock, bordering or horror. Maybe Lonnie’s constant warnings against the Demon Liquor are starting to sink in, and it’s dawning on Mike that rather than being a quaint figure of speech, Lonnie has literally turned to the Devil for help in his quest for vengence.

    “Oh, God, son! He’s coming! C-c-can’t stop shaking! Ph’nglui mglw’nafh— No! Must s-s-stop! Must—Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl— No! He’s almost here! C-can’t stop sh-shak—Ph’nglui mglw’nafh— Aaagh! He’s c-c-coming—Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtan!—coming th-th-through m-meeEEEEEEE!”

  152. Chip Whittle
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#145):

    Also, I know this has been addressed, but according to granny, mom was conceived in 1945, so born in 1946 and is at retirement age.

    No, Mom was born in 1956, because Brooke McEldowney told the story of her gestation.

  153. Aviatrix
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#149): Asynchronous aging is pretty normal in long-running serial fiction. If someone wants to write a book on it, I will buy it. I am fascinated by the James Bond reset in Casino Royale, and the Star Trek reset in the latest movie of that franchise. I suppose Smallville could be viewed as a Superman reset, too, but for immortal characters you don’t have the problem of their history becoming impossible.

  154. Trey Le Parc
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: I remember when drinking was a glamorous pastime, a passkey to interesting places and people. Now it’s a crippling social stigma that will destroy everything and everyone it touches. Perhaps a drink every now and then would melt the giant moral icicle up Mary’s ass.

  155. Aviatrix
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#152): Oops, I missed the fact that ten years elapsed between her meeting the PoW and banging him. I guess the story was told too quickly for me to follow [*duck*]. That all works quite well then, doesn’t it? Granny is on her deathbed at eighty-five to ninety, mom is fifty-four, had kid at thirtyish, making ballet dancer mid-twenties. Thank you!

  156. gnome de blog
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    If I lived in Rexburg I’d vote for Mayor Stu’s opponent. Stu obviously doesn’t know how to handle the media. His first response should have been, “Hell no there isn’t a crisis. I have a medical condition but it’s nothing that will affect my ability to do my job.” Then, if Mr. Nosy Reporter’s his buddy he gives him the straight story including Rex’s analysis in numbing detail that there’s nothing to worry about. If Quint’s adversarial, Stu calls a press conference and gives the story to everybody, again putting Rex in the spotlight. This has the advantage of shifting the emphasis to a debate about diagnosis and away from the cancer itself.

    The point is that he has to take charge of the story instead of being reduced to reacting to what others say about it. Politicians inevitably get in less trouble for doing stuff than for trying to cover it up.

  157. gnome de blog
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    I’m embarrassed to admit I forgot the third option: Mayor Stu should bring in Les Moore to write a book.

  158. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#156): It has always been my opinion that if “Bubba” C. had just come out and said “Heck, ya I got a sloppy BJ from an intern!” we could have seen the revival of the 3 term presidency.

  159. Poteet
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#79): Excellent. Just excellent.

  160. Poteet
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#152): There’s no way to interpret this story without the characters looking like dickwads. The only difference is degree. If Juliette was conceived in 1956 (I somehow thought it was more like 1952, but ’56 is fine with me), then Bill moves even higher on the Dickwad Scale for insisting that Edie continue to believe he was dead for TEN BLEEPING YEARS after the war ended. I wouldn’t have married him. He’d be very lucky if I didn’t kill him.

  161. bats :[
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#113): The monkey-and-sock version is indeed mentioned in the Wiki citation, but even if it weren’t, IT’S CALL “WRITING”!
    Tomorrow’s thrilling episode: Crankshaft deconstructs “Turkey in the Straw”!

    @The Party Sim (#122): oh, ewwwwwwww!

  162. Aviatrix
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#158): The US appears to have an oral sex taboo surpassing that on murder. You can depict murder on prime time TV, but ever seen anyone’s face on someone else’s lap without subscribing to one of those channels? Even the number 69 is forbidden in some contexts, e.g. personalized licence plates. Perhaps the Puritans believed that the forbidden fruit of which Eve persuaded Adam to partake didn’t exactly grow on a tree.

  163. Baka Gaijin
    August 30th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    New Thread! Get your New Thread while it’s hot and fresh!

  164. Aviatrix
    August 30th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#160): The age and time discrepancies I can rationalize. You’re on your own for the dickwadishness.

  165. Aviatrix
    August 30th, 2010 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    And I’ve finally written enough essays to shut down the thread.

  166. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 30th, 2010 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

  167. Braniff
    August 30th, 2010 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Trey Le Parc (#154):

    Obviously this strip is NOT set in Iowa. Drinking is the state’s pastime, esp. among the young. If you want to have fun in Iowa, you got to have booze. Otherwise, you’re an old geezer. As one who lives in Iowa and doesn’t drink, I hope there’ll be lots of drinkers who’ll hit bottom and quit drinking, but I know that will not happen.

  168. Aviatrix
    August 30th, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#166): Now that the thread is dead I can safely post comic-irrelevant commentary on this. I never understood the fuss over Ms. Lewinski. She was of age, there was no evidence that she was coerced or that she used her access to the presidential member to advance any political agenda of her own. I can see the people who oppose separation of church and state getting bent out of shape over the adultery, but I never figured out what crime was committed that demanded so much time and attention. Being serviced by attractive nymphettes is what men of power do, and, if our gorilla cousins are any indication, have been doing since before we evolved into humans. It’s not something that a congressional inquiry is going to put a dent in.

  169. Rana
    August 30th, 2010 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @teenchy (#147): He’s clearly got some odd sexual issues that he works out in the comics. The number of times that he has drawn women (or female-type creatures) holed through the middle by a projectile or laser blast or what have you in Pibgorn is really very disturbing. Occasionally he’ll arrange to have their heads chopped off, but he’s really, really fond of full-torso penetration imagery. Ugh.

  170. SamECircle
    August 30th, 2010 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    FW: The guy holding the pizza likes Funky’s butt.

    Oh god I just typed “Funky’s butt”

  171. Flynn
    August 31st, 2010 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    I always read that pun in Spider-Man as being Stan Lee’s way of going “Hahah- you think you’re finally going to get an action scene, do you? Well, screw you, I’m gonna make it so that the whole thing is resolved off-panel! Ha-ha!”

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