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Apartment 3-G, 9/23/06

Ah, Eric Mills, engaging in a little art discussion with Lu Ann! Say, is something looking a little … different about this art impresario and Hat Man since last we saw him?

I know, I know, it’s the coloring mules’ fault, but I prefer one of the following explanations instead:

  • Eric Mills realized that he’s got to stay “young” and “hip” if he wants to get involved in the New York avant-garde art scene. Signing Lu Ann and her faux-Victorian fern drawings is a good start, but if he wants anyone in the art world to take him seriously, he’s got to dye his hair blonde. Unfortunately, he’s too cheap to go to a salon and tried to do it with nobody’s help but Miss Clairol, which resulted in that sort of orangey color that really dark hair gets when its been inexpertly dyed.
  • Eric Mills is a chameleon shapeshifter. His hair changes color to match the tresses of whatever young lady he’s trying to bed. Today’s strip indicates that Lu Ann and Margo’s fight over him is pointless, as he’s really after Tommie.
  • Eric Mills has “mood hair.”

Anyway, Margo is sure not winning any points with her ludicrously petulant behavior. What with her pouting, her bossiness, her demands for attention, and her lack of the sort of social skills that most of us learn in kindergarten — well, she’d better hope that Eric Mills is into four-year-olds. Wait, that came out wrong.

Mary Worth, 9/23-4/06

Now … now see here, people. Aldo is not dead, OK? He … he can’t be dead. I’m sure he’s just … terribly injured. Terribly, terribly, passive-aggressively injured. When the jaws of life pulled his shattered body out of his smashed, smoldering car, I’m sure the first words out of his mouth were “Mary … Worth,” which is why the cops called her. His second words were “Where’s … my … booze?”

Saturday’s strip also offered a revealing look at the home life of Professor and Mrs. Chinbeard. Grading papers, snotty putdowns, bumper sticker quotes, endless hair brushing to avoid getting into bed with that smug bastard … it all goes a long way towards explaining Toby’s emotionally deadened look in Sunday’s final panel.

For Better Or For Worse, 9/24/06

This made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

123 responses to “IS THIS THE END OF ALDO???”

  1. bebe
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    My thoughts exactly on FBOFW. i seriously don’t understand how anyone can write this shit sometimes.

  2. REB
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    I’d say that this is the most abrupt end to a story line in Mary Worth ever, but we all know that they’ll find a way to draw it out for weeks with extended sermonizing on the dangers of drunk driving and friendly interventions.

  3. J.P. Patches
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Oh, come on , Josh, it’s not that bad. I am wondering where Paul came from, though — last I saw, Liz was living at her parents’ house. Did Paul come to visit or something?

  4. Baron Von Foobenstein
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: You got off easy. I ended up with copious projectile vomiting.

    Only WAY it could have been worse would have been if Wimpthony was in it instead of Officer Tonto, and HE had the drippy punchline.

  5. coyote
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm … I think Mary is unable to bring herself to say “He’s dead,” not “He’s terribly fucked up injured.”

  6. Ben
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    That’s the longest bumper sticker I’ve ever heard of.

  7. Zhubin
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    Was Toby driving behind some sort of tank? How big was that bumper sticker?

  8. Maxim Gorky
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Judging from where Toby is eating breakfast, I think it’s pretty clear that she DIDN’T sleep with her old husband. And I think it’s pretty clear why Mary DIDN’T allow Aldo to pursue her.

  9. benro
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW – Isn’t it like a 12 hour drive from Mitigiwaki to wherever Liz is now? Did they both drive 6 hours to meet in the Canadian Rockies just for the purpose of the Sunday strip, then back home to work on Monday? This is completely out of the blue, not to mention (as has already been mentioned numerous times before) nausea-inducing.

    Maybe it was a contrivance by Lynn to work in a cliff scene, since this does seem to be cliff month.

  10. coyote
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Judging by the drawing and coloring, that’s not the Canadian Rockies, that’s Pepperland.

  11. benro
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Actually, they are looking out over the water in the last panel, so maybe they are in Vancouver?

  12. Lore
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    That’s also the worst bumper sticker I’ve heard of. Google provides no evidence that this was ever a bumper sticker, or even anything anyone has ever said in any context ever.

    Conclusion: This is actually how Toby flirts.

    Other Conclusion: It probably works. Ian totally gets off on peurile lowbrow slogans.

    Also, I didn’t see Toby’s look in the last panel as emotionally deadened. I saw it as her thinking “With Aldo out of the way, AT LAST SHE WILL BE MINE!”

    Finally, has anyone noticed that Aldo looks a lot like Captain Kangaroo’s crushed, bloody corpse?

  13. Todd 2.0
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    If Aldo was dead and unable to tell the police anything, why would they call Mary Worth? Was it just a lucky guess, or do they call her every time someone drives a car off a cliff near Santa Royale?

  14. april
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    Well, I already posted about MW and FOOB a couple times on the older thread but I just can’t resist a couple more goes…

    #4 – “Only WAY it could have been worse would have been if Wimpthony was in it instead of Officer Tonto, and HE had the drippy punchline.”

    Amen to that. (But admit it, maybe if Toby and Professor Chinbeard had turned up and sermonised about the evils of the bottle as well it could have been slightly worse.)

    foob – Old Mountie-boy doesn’t seem too impressed with Lizardbreath’s waxing lyrical/condescending preaching does he… Look at him, as he says “We are?” he’s practically visably straining not to roll his eyes. I also think he’s struggling not to throw her off the cliff in the last panel and is looking at the leaf to distract himself. “MUST – NOT – USE – MOUNTIE – POWERS – FOR – EVIL….”

    Sigh…I’ll miss the foob when it’s gone… [insert tear wiping here]

  15. Harry Paratestes
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    In the last panel of MW, Toby is revealed to suffer from ‘flattening of affect’. I bet she tortures squirrels when Prof. Chinbeard isn’t around.

  16. Kirbyoto
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    “Probably another feeble attempt at ingenuity for the masses”? The professor is a piece of shit, man. I mean, seriously, that’s on a “Let them eat cake” level of aristocratic snobbery. I imagine similar bumper-sticker quotations led to comments like “Oh, the peons think they have wit, do they? How droll!” and “What do the ‘tards have to say THIS time?”

  17. Biblio
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    Mary has the best head bobble EVAR in the next to last panel. I mean, I count 5 lines plus a little shoulder action. I want to see that animated!

    Also, did Toby do all that brushing just to put her hair in an 80′s style side ponytail? Oy.

    And since when would Mary say “um?” Next thing you know she’s gonna be talkin’ like th’ FOOBs.

  18. saint ruby
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    What an incredibly verbose bumper sticker. You’d really have to be riding someone’s ass to read it (assuming it’s not several feet long).

    Also, how’d they know to call Mary?

  19. Sheila
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    The professor obviously married one of his students. As Rocky the Flying Squirrel would say, “That trick NEVER works!” I would say Toby has outgrown the old fart, except that she seems to be sniffing aorund an even older fart. Go figure.

  20. MamaMia
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Judging by their flat to down-turned mouths in most of the panels, Lizzardbreath and her Mountie don’t really seem to be enjoying each other’s company…. where’s the joy in this young love?

  21. Uncle Lumpy
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Aldomanias, King of Kings!

    A wildlife writer from The Forest Lost
    Said this: I saw a blue car wrecked beneath a cliff,
    Shattered and flattened. Near it had been tossed
    Half sunk, a well-drained Johnnie Walker fifth.
    Suggesting that the driver had been sauced.
    The road above was barely marked at all -
    Could he survive? Or was this his adieu?
    No butler, bear or dog had blocked his fall -
    But on the dashboard, in his blood, this scrawl:
    “My name is Aldo Kelrast – Stalkeroo:
    Look upon your work, O Mary, and despair!”
    Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
    Of that pathetic wreck, boundless and bare
    The Santa Royale sands stretch far away.

  22. Deckard Canine
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    It’s funny: the FOOBiverse has many people saying that they actually like today’s strip for a change. Ubersappy, sure, but it makes no ham-handed attempts at humor or romantic dialog, the colors are pretty, and there’s hope for those who want Paul and Liz to stay together. Of course, it could well be a misleading hope, and some say Paul’s too good for her.

    Another explanation for Eric Mills’s hair: he got spattered in chemicals like a DC Comics character. Maybe he has a superpower, or maybe he’ll just go criminally insane when he notices the difference.

  23. banana
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    uncle lumpy, if I weren’t already happily married…

    marry me!

  24. Heckler123
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: Why are the authorities calling Mary about Aldo’s accident? Wouldn’t his cousin, Hal Kane, be the one that was contacted?

  25. Binky Betsy
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    #22: We’re just so happy to see Liz with Paul, we can forgive any amount of sap.

    Though I do wish I’d checked myself long enough to realize what others have said: people who are truly struggling don’t have the luxury of climbing a mountain just to look at a sunset.

  26. doug rogers
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    Re: 9 and 10 :-) Looks like Georgian Bay . About 6 hours from the big TO, or Southern Ontario anyway. Probably about 6 hours from miktawhatever. Georgian Bay area looks like that sometimes. True.

  27. Ouish
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    Aldo is a severed head kept alive by tubes. He begs for the technicians to add a little alcohol to the mix but they primly refuse.

  28. Aaron
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    God, I hope if Aldo is dead he comes back as an “Obi-Wan Kenobi” like ghost. “If you reject me, causing me to get piss drunk and send my car careening off a cliff, I shall come back more powerfull than you could ever imagine!”

  29. Gracie287
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    22: Oh thank God Dudley Do-Me-Wright-Now got some “screen time”. Another scene with Granthony and I’d have DIED.

  30. Reid
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    Nope. I won’t believe it until they show us Aldo’s dead body on frame. He faked it, and he’s waiting to make a lampshade out of Mary once and for all.

  31. reader-who-posts
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    Why would anyone put this bumper sticker on his or her car? Wouldn’t it more likely say “drinking sucks”, which is essentially the same thing?

    Also, what kind of crappy husband is chinbeard anyway? She must be really afraid to suggest a movie at Blockbusters!

    In reality, this is how this conversation would go:

    “Honey, guess what I saw?”

    “It’s probably some feeble attempt at ingenuity for the idiotic masses, but what?”

    “A freaking divorce lawyer, you self-righteous piece of crap!”

  32. ponzicar
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    I am the only one who noticed that in today’s PBS, the pig is trying to fax a HAM sandwich? Intentional bit of cannibalism humor, or is Pastis forgetting the species of his characters in a Shoe-like manner?

  33. Gracie287
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    27, 28: Actually, I suspect Aldo lost several limbs in his tragic accident. Fortunately, the Emperor, er, I mean Mary had a life-support suit for him, with a breathing-apparatus helmet.

    Aldo: Where is Johnny Walker? Is he safe? Is he all right?
    Mary: It seems in your accident, you spilled him.
    Aldo: I? I couldn’t have. He was full. I felt him. Noooooo!!

    OK, it’s true, I’m a nerd :-)

  34. Citric
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Why is it that I suspect Chinbeard isn’t grading papers, but looking at pictures of himself in various stages of undress? “Here I am looking strong, look at my mighty loins! Toby come! See my impressive male physique!”

  35. Jen
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    I, too, wondered how they knew to contact Mary. I’m pretty sure Aldo didn’t leave a note. He was way too concerned with his booze. Honestly, I was expecting that Mary would happen upon Aldo’s twisted and burned form in the hospital during her next volunteer shift.
    Plus, Aldo can’t possibly be gone. I just bought my dad and Aldomania t-shirt. Not to mention, Aldo was wearing his seatbelt!

  36. Reptar
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    Ponzicar (32): It’s Pastis, so it’s definitely cannibalism — but deliberate (not Shoe-like at all). After all, one of Pig’s earliest statements became the title of the (first?) Pearls book: “BLTs Taste So Darn Good.”

    I don’t expect Zebra would eat a ham sandwich, but that just makes it funnier.

  37. reader-who-posts
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    #32 – as long as Pastis isn’t running the “dumb alligator” jokes into the ground again, I’m ok with it. Those were funny at first but really it’s about to turn into the PBS version of ‘trying on bathing suits’. ACK!

    But yeah I think that’s part of the joke.

  38. Ellie M.
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Aldo’s alive, I bet. He had his seatbelt on, remember?

    But I’m afraid it’s curtains for poor Johnnie.

  39. Bombcar
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: That’s a really wide load there.

    And of course they have the “rah Canada” maple leaf at the end.

  40. Reptar
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Them’s crocs, not ‘gators, innit.

  41. reader-who-posts
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    #40, crocs, gators, whatever – the joke’s still staler than a faxed ham sandwich. Well, assuming that a faxed ham sandwich is really stale.

  42. AwfulArt
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Far Cry, Family Polygon, Hate Is…. Sundays “Lucky Cow” does its own little parody on comics.

  43. Different Dan
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    Bill Watterson talked about this FOOB phenomenon once in relation to his own strip: Sunday strips have to be drawn well in advance in order for the color to be added. And with the make-it-up-as-you-go writing style demonstrated by the strip, it’d be almost impossible to coordinate Sunday and daily editions, hence the discrepancy.

    Of course, as Liz might say, no amount of practical necessity could earn the right to produce an insufferable installment like this one.

  44. Poteet
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Foob — Again I have to wonder why we were forced to watch Lizardbreath acting gloopy about how much she was looking forward to seeing Suds, oops, Paul at Christmas, when it turns out they were meeting in late September. Maybe she fantasizes that in December, he’ll push a big diamond onto her finger and swear to live close to her saintly family forevermore.

    #15 — I think that if Mary could actually see Toby’s expression in the last panel, she’d be backing away slowly and reaching behind her for a large knife.

    #21 — Uncle Lumpy, you are amazing. Maybe there should be a special place on this site for your collected works.

  45. Bistle
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    So…sad story. I bought the local paper today just to read Mary Worth. I just moved here so I didn’t really know what it contained….which was most importantly NOT Mary Worth. Thank you Josh for both putting up the Sunday strip and for creating and feeding a poorly drawn obsession.

    Also, Uncle Lumpy that was incredible!

  46. Cobra
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only perv who saw some spoonin’ in FOOB panel 5, or am I just the only one crass enough to write about it?

  47. Bistle
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    I think that since that bumper sticker has never been seen anywhere, the professors comment in Saturday’s strip is actually the voice of the writer, halfheartedly pleading with his readership to recognize Mary Worth as a pathetic attempt at ingenuity for the masses. What a blowhard.

  48. MossMoses
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    It’s Aldo, he’s…he’s…

    …in critical condition in the ER at Sanata Royale General in desperate need of sermonizing platitudes about the evils of drinking. After all, Buck Jones survived a way worse fall than that. The lack of any interest whatsoever in the fate of Buck Jones is humorous. Mark is all over protecting the pet bear but has not shown any concern whatsoever for his old friend. I would rather see grandpa eating dog food than today’s uber-sappy FOOB treakle.
    What I really want to see is his death. He deserves it way more than Aldo.

  49. Baby Peggy
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    Panel 5 of “For Better…” is on the verge of being obscene.

    MW: How odd that instead of a simple “Hello,” she answers the phone by saying “Yes, this is Mary Worth! How can I help you?” Also, the last panel makes me think Toby has an unusually long neck.

  50. Reptar
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    whoops, so sorry dude-who-posts — um, I guess I meant to say “how unbelievably lame that joke is, why doesn’t Pastis curl up and die so we can have more stips like . . .”
    uh — wait — remind me, which ones are the ones it’s ok to like again? or all they all just lame in rotation?

    On any given day, any given stip can look lame to any given reader. But consider how hard it must be to produce decent material, day in and day out. In my humble opinion, Pastis has a far better ela (earned laugh average) than any dozen other strips without the guts to deliberately tell old jokes in stupid accepts. Pearls ain’t subtle — it’s the blue cheese of the comics page — but I say it’s worth it.

  51. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    September 24th, 2006 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Maybe the police found that the interior of poor Aldo’s car was papered with photos of Mary, in various stages of undress (shudder).

  52. Dan
    September 24th, 2006 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Aldo is not dead. When he woke up in the hospital, he was visited by police who cited him for DWI and other crimes. They asked him where he’d been coming from and where he was going to; in most jurisdictions, people who throw parties are held responsible if guests subsequently crash while drunk. So the cops wanna check out where he’d come from (Mary’s) and then find out if he’d been drinking before he left there, and then find out if Mary herself gave him booze.

  53. mllrcgry
    September 24th, 2006 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Why is there any question to why the cops called Mary? Aldo stalked so hard Mary Worth was his emergency contact.

  54. Bill Peschel
    September 24th, 2006 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    I won’t spoil the fun, but Monday’s installment of MW definitely settles the matter of Aldo’s fate.

    As for the Foobs, it wasn’t a bad strip. Rather sweet. But then, I’m approaching the grave, minute by minute, so I can appreciate the sentiment before I hit the sediment.

  55. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    September 24th, 2006 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    Dan, you give us all hope that the greatest cartoon character since pottymouth Rita might still be with us. Thanks, we all needed it.

  56. Mik Holmes
    September 24th, 2006 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    I introduced a friend to today. He’s never even heard of Apt 3-G before, of course.
    By her facial expression in panel 3, he asked me if Margo was one of those stereotype latin girls who would say “What are you, stooopid?” *snap, snap, snap*

    You know what would be funny? If Mary had a heart attack realizing what her meddling finally caused.

    And died.

  57. NotThatGuy
    September 24th, 2006 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    They called Mary because Aldo’s really her son.

  58. NotThatGuy
    September 24th, 2006 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    “There’s been an accident! It’s Aldo! He’s…he’s…bruised!”

  59. Ingenuity for the Masses
    September 24th, 2006 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    The bumper sticker in Mary Worth reminded me of a cartoon called Politenessman that used to run in National Lampoon. Politenessman would hit people with a steel handkerchief for being rude, then explain how they could be more polite – advice that always had unfortunate consequences. One Politenessman cartoon had him telling the police that “road signs are rude signs,” because they’re very terse. So they replaced a “dangerous curve” sign with one that said something like, “To the Motoring Public: Please be aware that there is a Curve ahead that is dangerous when taken at Speed. Kindly apply your Brakes as necessary to ensure your safe Passage through this hazardous Area.” And of course everybody crashed trying to read the sign.

  60. Todd 2.0
    September 24th, 2006 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    #56: Wouldn’t it be “estupid”?

  61. Lore
    September 24th, 2006 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    I also like how Toby’s ponytail always faces the reader, like Mickey Mouse’s ears.

  62. yellojkt
    September 24th, 2006 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    But we all know the relationship between Lizardbreath and The Mountie In The Next County is doomed.

  63. doc nagel
    September 24th, 2006 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    We’re not sure what to make of this, in light of Bill Peschel’s comment, but the hands of Mary’s kitchen clock are clearly at 10 and 2… either a subtle coded message to those who pay close attention that Aldo, the careful inebriate, was driving safely enough to avoid falling off the cliff (in which case the car at the bottom belongs to whomever his last-second swerve forced over the edge), or else it’s a subtle coded double condemnation of his driving not merely drunk, but also with his hands diverging from the safe position!

  64. Krazy Kat
    September 24th, 2006 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    What’s with all this “how did the police know to call Mary?” As if the shoe box full of photos, the diary and her address and phone number scrawled on the back of his hand weren’t enough to clue them in?

    Come on, don’t act so smug. You know you got one too.

  65. Johnny Q
    September 24th, 2006 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    When Toby said she’d seen “something interesting on a bumper sticker,” for a moment I hoped it was “DROP YOUR DRAWERS AND I’M YOURS” (which I saw on a bumper sticker once).

    We can dream, can’t we?

  66. Ohyes
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Even while grooming,Toby has to sit to one side of the mirror, so as not to block Ian’s chance to see himself pontificating.

    “You saw something that interested you? It was probably feeble.”

    “But if I feign interest, maybe you’ll stop brushing and finally come to bed, and I’ll get at least a squeeze of fine young woman flesh. Tell me more, um, Toby is it?”

  67. Dadzilla
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    # 32 re: faxing the ham sandwich….I have the BLT book and in one cartoon Pig orders a BLT at the deli & when the counterman asks why he would order ham Pig answers simply, “It’s a pig eat pig world.”

  68. Mindy
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    I just saw the newest strip. Aldo is dead. I’m stunnnned.


    I hate when they kill off even minor characters in strips.

    Oh and I cant believe my good luck that I stumbled on this site… I LOVE comics, esp. mary worth, and am thrilled i found a ‘community’ to discuss it. yay me.

  69. Ohyes
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    Upon reflection, I realize that Ian was right. The bumper sticker that interested Toby, sure enough, was feeble.

    Ian cringed inside to ask her more about it – a bumper sticker! – and to hear her speak.

    “Well, you see, my dear Toby, that interested you because it uses a literary device called rhyme.”

    Who am I to judge Ian? He’s married to a nitwit, and deep in defensive postures, abstracted, bored, trapped, wasted. He’s rummaging through papers and talking about a bumper sticker, instead of having hot sex with the young woman he married too long ago.

    Ian, I apologize.

  70. rsf
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    MW: I imagine Toby and Mary will now go down to the local liquor store…buy a couple of bottles of Jim Beam…drive around awhile…

  71. angry black woman
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    ::screams:: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! nonono! NO!

    ::sobs until she cannot sob anymore::

  72. Squeak
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    I love the look of relief on Mary’s face as she picks up the phone. She’s saying “Excuse me, Toby” – but what she’s thinking is: “Finally, a break from this boring woman! Maybe it’s some intelligent conversation for a change, like a credit card offer, or news that Aldo’s gone over a cliff…”

  73. angry black woman
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    I still say the police knew to call Mary because they saw a Charterstone parking pass in the wreckage and they knew she had to be involved because she’s fucking involved in everything at Charterstone. Someone ends up dead in a ditch? Mary’s meddling ass was involved. Someone leaving her husband? Mary. Someone breaking swans and stumbling out to clearly dangerous women’s shelters? MARY. the police prolly have her ass on speed dial.

    Sorry, I’m sounding a little angry (wait, no I’m not), but that geezer has a lot to accoount for! Same goes for that blonde twit and her chinbearded husband. They killed Aldo!

  74. vb
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    I am devastated. Please, don’t take Aldo away from me!

    And For Better Or For Worse is the single worst comic ever to appear in newspapers, eclipsing even The Family Circus and Mallard Fillmore.

  75. The Ray
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    I’ll actually defend Chinbeard here. I’ve never heard anyone sum up Mary Worth as succinctly as he did.

  76. Weasel Boy
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    Let me guess. The title of the post is a reference to “Little Caesar.”

  77. Poteet
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow is Monday and Aldo is dead.
    Big swig of Scotch, then I’m going to bed.
    Kelrast, your flame was too bright for this earth,
    Curst be the day you first saw Mary Worth.

  78. Steve
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    That was the funniest line of the year. It shows what a lame life I have that it made my day, but that was the funniest think I’ve read in a long time.

  79. Mighty Sam
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    I think this MW development calls for an immediate early AM post from King CC. We cannot wait!

  80. Lore
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    The police called Mary because the comic strip is called “Mary Worth.” Who else are they going to call, Prince Valiant?

  81. pedant06
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    Kelrast, pederast. Same difference.

  82. Hairhead
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    As for FBOFW . . . let’s see, Elizabeth is 26, and presumably not a virgin, the Mountie probably drove 12 hours through the night with a throbbing erection . . . I can just see the scene . .

    PAUL : (panting, wild with lust) Elizabeth! I haven’t seen you for months!

    ELIZABETH: Oh Paul! (Leaps into his arms) Oh Paul, I missed you so much, sooo much!

    PAUL : I did too. The phone has no intimacy!

    ELIZABETH : Yes, yes, yes! I’m yours, my hunky stud-Mountie . . .

    PAUL: I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time–

    ELIZABETH : Let’s go for a walk!

    PAUL: Uh?

    ELIZABETH: A long walk. Now it’s three hours away by car, so we’d better jump in yours right away . . .

    PAUL: Uh . . .

    ELIZABETH: (jumps in Paul’s car and slams the door) Yes! I want you pick me wildflowers . . Or leaves! That’s it, pick me some leaves!

    PAUL: (Thinks) Maybe it’s better she moved away . . .

  83. reader-who-posts
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    #50 – Yo, Reptar, Chill. I didn’t realize that is was so important to you. Yes, PBS is still one of the best strips around, I’m just wish he would take a break from the crocs for a while.

  84. java-jon
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Aldo Kelrast is dead!!??!!

    It can’t be. Way too much effort was spent on him to kill him off that quickly. Plus he was so damn entertaining.

    I say he has a twin brother, Arlo, who knew about Aldo killing off his first wife. Aldo kills his brother and will assume his identity and sweeps Mary off her feet as she is consumed with guilt.

  85. Ouish
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Sure, the police found Aldo’s body, but I still think a mad scientist made off with his head, perhaps grafting it onto Molly so that she’s now a two-headed bear.

    The first clues will be when an unseen bear starts raiding the trash around Charterstone and Mary begins hearing Aldo’s voice calling her at night.

  86. Richard Onley
    September 25th, 2006 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    #25: “I do wish I’d checked myself long enough to realize what others have said: people who are truly struggling don’t have the luxury of climbing a mountain just to look at a sunset.”

    Thank you, Captain Bringdown! Do you initiate sex with “Have you any idea how many children will starve to death in Botswana whle we’re doing this?”

    #32: “Am I the only one who noticed that in today’s PBS, the pig is trying to fax a HAM sandwich? Intentional bit of cannibalism humor, or is Pastis forgetting the species of his characters in a Shoe-like manner?”

    What I noticed was the misplaced apostrophe. Even slang and transliterated dialect have certain rules to follow to maximize clarity for the reader. “D’you” is the contraction for “Do you”; “Did you” woulkd be rendered as ” ‘dyou.” The error blew the timing just enough to ruin the joke.

    #46: “Am I the only perv who saw some spoonin’ in FOOB panel 5, or am I just the only one crass enough to write about it?”

    Hey, at least they weren’t forkin’ . . .

  87. Flealick
    September 25th, 2006 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    So Aldo is dead. Don’t interventions generally involve some plan for the person being targeted, for after the intervention, to avoid outcomes like this? Like a bed at the Men’s Shelter, perhaps? I don’t think successful interventions involve the troubled soul storming out of the apartment and into the night, right to the nearest liquor store. Beyond having Chinbeard instill the fear of God in Aldo, did they have any plan for what was supposed to happen, long-term?

    But I suppose the intervention was only to get Aldo to leave Mary alone, and it was successful in that regard. If only the tactics of the stalker intervention could somehow be adapted to aid those with alcoholism, Aldo might still be with us.

  88. traveller
    September 25th, 2006 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    Hmm — given Mary’s reaction to the women’s shelter, she’d probably think Aldo’s better off dead than in a men’s shelter…

  89. traveller
    September 25th, 2006 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    It’s a pity Bob Keeshan’s dead too, otherwise he could roll into Santa Royale and scare the hell out of Mary and crew…

  90. Edward
    September 25th, 2006 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    In a stunning coincidence, that’s exactly how the real Captain Kangaroo died, if you consider plummeting to a fiery death in a pool of your own commingled vomit and urine to be a metaphor for pneumonia.

    (You see, they both ‘inhaled’ the ‘evil fluid’, which caused them to careen over the edge of the cliff; in the Captain’s case, the cliff of a DNR order. In Aldo’s case, an actual cliff.)

  91. skulking on the outskirts
    September 25th, 2006 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    #21-Uncle Lumpy, you’ve done it again. Magnificent. #85, Ouish-wow, what an horrific image! I could picture that in a Wes Craven production.

  92. mentarman
    September 25th, 2006 at 3:28 am [Reply]

    At least Mary won’t have to venture *shudder* downtown to deal with this drunk.

  93. Steve
    September 25th, 2006 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    I really thought that `Hoyt demonstrates that he lacks the charisma necessary to hold an angry mob together for very long’ was the funniest line ever written until I read the This made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

  94. Mary Worth Discussion Group
    September 25th, 2006 at 4:15 am [Reply]

    I can’t believe Aldo is dead!

    I hope his ghost comes back to drive Toby crazy…

    At least in death he is reunited with his late wife (oops he killed her)

    I think the last panel of Monday’s strip would be a great T shirt.

  95. Anonymous
    September 25th, 2006 at 4:16 am [Reply]

    “Probably another feeble attempt at ingenuity for the masses”?

    This from a guy who spends his time with the obviously intellectual and high-level discourse available from Mary, Aldo and the others…sure. The masses would tell him his beard is totally a signal for lack of ingenuity.

    As for FBOFW, that sunday panel was SO out of sequence, just plain weird to have them suddenly together walking, the only answer is that one of them is having a dream.

    And as readers dont get too often in the mind or p.o.v. of the officer, we are obviously in the mind of the teacher. It must be, because only she would say such drivel.

    It would be a nice to see what would the last panel say, if the strip were indeed just the dream of, say, Granthony, or Ellie, or little sister…

  96. Wirrrn
    September 25th, 2006 at 4:22 am [Reply]

    FBOFW- I’m hoping that red leaf Paul picked was either Deadly Nightshade or Oleander, and that next time the strip consists of nothing but the two love birds vomiting up their stomach contents before slipping into pain-racked, glassy eyed comas… much like I did after reading the last panel in the above strip…

  97. angry black woman
    September 25th, 2006 at 4:37 am [Reply]

    *sniff* I… I can’t be consoled…

    My tribute to Aldo on YouTube.
    smaller (wmv):
    larger (avi):

  98. ChefMike
    September 25th, 2006 at 5:30 am [Reply]

    sheesh, Aldo is dead, and yet the comics universe sees fit to let Walt Wallet and the FOOB’S Grandpa Jim hang on to eternal life.
    Although I wait with baited breath as it’s been indicated that the storyline started on FBOW this mornin could be a “something’s seriously wrong with grandpa” plot twist. or it could be just a tease.
    I will wear the Aldomania shirt today as a memorial.
    also: notice in MW that Toby is not as concerned as Mary that Aldo has died, her reaction is more of shock that it happened so soon after their ‘intervention’ Yeah that’s great, Toby, all your platitudes and finger wagging actually foreshadowed his inevitable end, you solved NOTHING (except that Mary won’t be stalked anymore for a while, so that’s cool, right?)
    FW: and now Tony and Funky are at the arena for this challenge, but where is Crazy? wasn’t he supposed to be their ringer for the acrobatic competition? or is that why Tony is so ready to say ‘we’re pulling out?’ perhaps my earlier prediction came true and some horrible accident befell him off panel. by the end of the week they’ll be sharing pizza and watching the broadcast from Crazy’s hospital suite

  99. Binky Betsy
    September 25th, 2006 at 5:33 am [Reply]

    ABW, that’s beautiful.

    But Aldo can’t be dead! It’s got to be a miscommunication somehow, like they discovered signs of life after he was declared DOA, but whoever called Mary doesn’t know that yet.

    And if he is dead, where are they going from here? Has anyone ever died in MW before? Toby seems to be blaming herself for the stoning intervention. Is this the wakeup call for her, Mary and Chinbeard to stop being interfering jackasses? But if they stopped that, there’s no strip, so WTF?

  100. walter
    September 25th, 2006 at 5:57 am [Reply]

    Aldo the Kelrast is dead. DEAD dead dead. I hope he gets a nice stalker memorial service.

  101. LB
    September 25th, 2006 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    12: as a response to your (non)discovery….

    More information about stupid bumper stickers on alcoholism can NOT be found on the internet.

  102. Krazy Kat
    September 25th, 2006 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    I am wating for this to play out, like thus:
    Mary gets called to the morgue to ID the body.
    As the sheet is pulled away we see her startled face and she exclaims:
    “Tha–that’s NOT Aldo!!”

  103. X
    September 25th, 2006 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    For some reason, Toby forgot to mention to Ian that she saw another pithy bumper sticker on the highway as well:

    “Have You Hugged Your Pompous Asshole Husband Today?”

  104. april
    September 25th, 2006 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    Okay, what the heck is Toby wearing in today’s strip? The only logical explanation: she is going to an early Halloween party as Punky Brewster. She just needs a couple hankerchiefs tied onto her sleeves and she is good to go.

    Seriously – who dresses like that outside 1987?

  105. Ohyes
    September 25th, 2006 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    Angry Black Woman (97) – That is beautiful and moving. To see Aldo smile again! And to see him clap (or rub, or bobble) his hands with anticipation, delighting in Mary – and life! It’s consoling, on this sad Monday morning…

  106. FleaBailey
    September 25th, 2006 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    What I like in Monday’s MW strip is Toby’s look at the end, which combines the blandness of a mannequin with the joy of discovery: “Aldo’s dead? And right after our intervention?”

    Like, no shit, Sherlock. Connect the dots.

  107. andreavis
    September 25th, 2006 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    Oh. Aldo. Words cannot


    curse you marY worth(less)

    bad freeForm poetry is
    my Only. outlet

    “Oh, no…” CLIFFDIVE of misery!

  108. frigg
    September 25th, 2006 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    What a sad day…

    ABW, thanks for the moving tribute. It’s beautiful.

    For the rest of the day I’ll be thinking about Aldo’s hopeful grin as he adjusts his clip-on bowtie in the mirror. By “hopeful” I mean “horny.”

    Is it just me, or did Aldo Kelrast sorta resemble Captain Kangaroo?

  109. EZ_e
    September 25th, 2006 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    “Aldo’s dead? And right after our intervention?”
    – best. line. ever.
    “Gee, Mary, you could almost say that you killed him.”
    Now we know why Aldo lost control of the car. He was trying to read the “man’s inner life” bumper sticker on the car ahead of him.

  110. rotts
    September 25th, 2006 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    #21 – Uncle Lumpy, nice variation on Shelly’s “Ozymandias”. I’ll bet not a lot of folks are hip to that one. Keep up the good work.

    And, yes, Paul is spooning (and certainly contemplating forking) Elizabeth in panel 5. “Bout time, I say!

  111. Hairhead
    September 25th, 2006 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Oh, come, people. With a name like “Aldo Kelrast”, how could he NOT die? I mean, he was going after Mary WORTH, get it? Ridiculous, meet the sublime.

    Maybe Mary should change her name to, “Mary I’m-so-much-goddamn-better-than-you:

  112. Bedlam
    September 25th, 2006 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    And is it just me, or does Liz’ height drop about three inches when they are facing away?

  113. Alex S
    September 25th, 2006 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Aldo needs to torment Mary from beyond the grave, as a super annoying ghost. In a surprise plot twist, they could reveal that he’s been dead all along (ala sixth sense), and that the reason he looks so much like captain kangaroo is that he *is* captain kangaroo.

  114. anonymous
    September 25th, 2006 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Call me crazyl, but I just KNOW I’ve seen this strip before. Maybe the characters were different, maybe it was the same one, but walking-in-the-hills-on-a-beautiful-autumn-day has been done before.

  115. Merdz
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe that I’m the only one crass enough to point out that ol’ Lizzie is starting to get her mother’s ass, and it ain’t pretty. Let’s lay off those mom jeans, honey.

  116. srah
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Eric Mills has “mood hair.” would make a good t-shirt. I think Margo would have to be pictured in order to explain the scare quotes.

  117. schmoopy
    September 25th, 2006 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    I will crap my pants if there’s a forthcoming panel that has Molly licking Aldo’s face. And once she gets a whiff of the booze, she’ll just bite his whole damn head off.

  118. Marion Delgado
    September 25th, 2006 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    I know this is not very Canadian, but isn’t there a nice, I’m not going to say WHITE but someone more like her, boy back home she could be dating? How about that … oh Lord, what WAS his name …. Antony? Something like that … works at that car place with Gordon, you know Gordon? Wonderful boy, terrible thing about he and his … what was her name? Forgot. Anyway, I know her father and I think I’ll mention how stunning a couple I thought Elizabeth and … Tony were. I hear she’s moved back home from that godforsaken hole-in-the-wall in the Frozen North where she was working out her rebelliousness or liberal guilt or whatever she was doing.

    It’s fine for people in the Yukon to intermarry but people from Migwuktuk aren’t going to be able to adjust to an urban family, it just doesn’t work out. I’ve seen some tragic stories, mark my words.

    There, I feel better saying something.

  119. Hairhead
    September 25th, 2006 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Race is such an ephemeral thing. I never realized until I saw the weekend edition in colour that Liz’s boyfriend was aboriginal. Call me colour-blind, or call me stupid, but it never registered with me. Not until the last commenter before me noted the differences and strains inherent in a cityfolk/country/folk marriage.

  120. Inkan1969
    September 25th, 2006 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Merdz 115: Well, I’m not complaining. I bet lots of people have wanted to get Liz’s mother’s ass. In the last panel in the FBOFW the view was lovely indeed. :-)

  121. zeeba
    September 26th, 2006 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    #114 Calvin and Hobbes!!!

    angryblackwoman: what a nice tribute to a memorable character. I like how you spliced the strips together and moved back and forth in time. I don’t understand why your video is only rated 2 stars. I think your film is nicer than any Santa Royale funeral could be.

  122. whoamItoday?
    September 27th, 2006 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    about sequence and location issues in FBOFW

    On they point out the in Canada there is a televised version which parallels but does not repeat the printed version. Sometimes the print version picks up where the show left off in some threads. Making it look like the print version has jumped past all sorts of plot progression. (which, face it, you guys don’t want to suffer through anyway.)

    So, I’m thinking Paul got the transfer south that he was applying for, and hence, the walk in the woods because Liz gave up her crappy apartment and he didn’t have the $(CAN) to get a room.

    Personally, I think when he shows up in court for moral support, and Anthony passes him in the hallway, A will finally realize he has no chance against such a manly Mountie.

  123. garth
    September 27th, 2006 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Yes, this week’s FBOFW was sappy. THAT’S NOT THE POINT! Anyone who has ever read a classic Krazy Kat realizes that it’s the color and design that’s what’s going on in this Sunday’s strip. The storyline is incidental. Look at it visually, without words. … OK, it’s still sappy, but it would have worked. Probably better, now that I think of it.

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