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Charterstone Community Dinner Theater presents Night of the Hunter

Mary Worth, 11/1/06

I’m sorry, it’s going to take more than Tommy waving around the world’s smallest bible to convince me that he’s decided to give up the exciting, glamorous world of methamphetamine addiction. I’d be a little more credulous if he weren’t holding the Good Book in his fingertips at arm’s length. He’s clearly using it as a prop to get dear old Mom to open her home to him once again upon his release, and is concerned that Jesus will see into his black heart and His written Word will burn the skin right off of his evil, evil hands. Since most bibles tend to be referred to as “holy” on their front cover (good marketing, that), I’m guessing this is a crude, handmade pamphlet that’s actually full of bootleg pornography.

The fact that Tommy’s eyes are the size of dinner plates makes it all the harder for me to believe that Christ is his anti-drug.

Some commentors have been remarking snarkily on Tommy’s hairstyle and what it might say about his position in the prison social hierarchy. I’d just like to point out to you newbies that Tommy has always rocked the scrunchie hardcore.

Bonus question: What the hell does that sign that’s partially blocked by Iris’ head in panel two say? “Cur”? “Fur”?

For Better Or For Worse, 11/1/06

I’m assuming that what’s happened here is that Shannon has proved that she’s plenty smart enough to disconnect the soundsystem, and that we’re going to learn some valuable lessons about how you should be nice to those less fortunate than you, and that industrial sabotage is totally OK if your bosses are jerks. But I’d like to believe that what the Lead Rectangular String Instrument player means is not that the power is out on their amps, but that due to Rebecca’s total bitchiness, they’ve, like, magically lost their sound, man, their groove, their mojo, that special something that’s made them Canada’s favorite teenage pop act. Then Rebecca will have to go on a magical journey to get her sound back, where she’ll find out the true meaning of music and friendship.

Check out the huge pile of bottled water cases in panel two. Makes you wonder what else is in Becky’s rider in terms of backstage goodies. (Insert your own “rider” joke here.)

Judge Parker, 11/1/06

You know, Judge Parker, I love homoerotic subtexts in serial comics more than just about anything, but I also like those subtexts to be at least thinly veiled. This isn’t even sporting for me.

267 responses to “Charterstone Community Dinner Theater presents Night of the Hunter

  1. Derelict
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    FBOW: “Are you ready to rock!?! ‘Cause we rule!”

    Uh, yeah–if that line doesn’t bring gales of derision from middle-school kids, they must all be on Thorazine.

    MW: Sure, Tommy’s not tweaking any more. The psychic told his mommy that’s the case, and EVERYONE knows how accurate psychics are. Just ask Miss Cleo–she’s sharing the cell two doors down from Tommy’s in the women’s section.

  2. Trent
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Easy homoerotic jokes aside, Judge Parker has found daring new narrative territory to move into. The “pleasant cartrip with boat-wrestler-guy and Raju” story has something few dare to attempt: a complete lack of conflict. With this amazing new story-construct in place Judge Parker will be able to lead us down dozens of lengthy stories where people talk pleasantly while doing nice things for each other, and we’ll never have to worry about drunk driving accidents or lost bears again.

    And I think the bandmate in For Better or Worse is talking about sound… the physical phenomenon. They can still read each other’s word balloons, but they’re suddenly cast into a twilight-zone style world where everything is a real life silent film. When they talk, they don’t see the people anymore, only a card with the dialog written in.

    Thus is their punishment for… being kind of bitchy? being Canadian? I dunno…


  3. rich
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    All right, I’ll say it: Kielbasa.

  4. CheeseWeasel
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    So..Abby is mad that Raju knows all about “Wrestling” and didn’t share that with her in the barn?

  5. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    My son is a changed man.

    Yeah, he’s changed into Jan Brady.

  6. Jill Smith
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe you didn’t go for yesterday’s foobage – the lyrics about waving the mysterious instrument – watching it swing…


  7. briantologist
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    The motion lines behind Tommy’s Tiny Bible seem to suggest he’s moving it rapidly toward his mother’s face. Which would seem to suggest he’s either about to hit her with it, or else he’s already given her some pretty wicked shit and knows she’ll enjoy the tracers. The Jesus tracers.

  8. hogenmogen
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Does Tommy need an anti-drug? I mean, he’s in prison. Although not impossible, I bet it’s not too easy to get your fix. I’m a Tommy believer!!

  9. anne
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Why so many closeups of Mrs. Parker and her freakish, unnatural looking signal-red hair? What kind of look is that, a knowing look? Or is she calculating whether or not they can have sex on the couch (since they clearly don’t have a private bedroom, or they would have availed themselves) while Raju and Bobby are out … having sex on the porch?

  10. Uncle Lumpy
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Check out Abbey’s shoulder muscles in panel 1 – that lady could wrestle a boat! Yet, sadly, she finds no takers.

  11. hogenmogen
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    … And why does Sam know so much about high school wrestling champs? Abbey, check his email.

  12. kylegirl
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    I think Abby agrees with Josh — her second-panel expression seems to say, “I’ve seen HoYay before, but this is getting ridiculous.”

  13. Jordon Harriman
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – How interesting that both Andy Capp (panel 2) and “The Ghost Whose License Has Expired” (panel 1) are at the DMV the same day as June.

  14. AhClem
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    I think the wrestling dude’s claim of a 4.0 in chemistry is a ruse so he can lure Raju into a dark place and beat him to a bloody pulp. Abby and Sam are about to find his mangled carcass on the front porch.

    At least, I hope that’s what happens.

  15. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    And Iris is looking a little freaked by the proximity of the minibible, kinda like Bilbo in Rivendale when he got a glimpse of the ring around Frodo’s neck.

    Perhaps she’s been sacrificing to the dark powers for the earth to swallow up Wilbur. Except she mixed the lime with the coconut and Cthulhu whacked Aldo by mistake.

  16. Foobaphobe
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    I just realized that Shannon looks remarkably like Iris and is probably her long-lost love grandchild from one of Iris’s many former husbands. Is there a tie-in between Grampa Jim’s stroke (brought on by Iris’s insufferable abuse and foul food) and the sabotage committed by Shannon against Becky? Is Shannon faking her retardation, or exaggerating it, a la Michael J. Fox? (Cf. Rush, medical and drug expert). Is it all part of a larger scheme, or simply proof that evil in the bloodline never sleeps?

  17. Proteus
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Briantologist: That was major COTW for me. Jesus tracers – look at the craven fascination on her face! I’m still laughing…

  18. Mr. Groovy
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone notice the silhouettes* of the audience in the third panel of FBOFW? Who is Becky performing in front of, the robots from Mystery Science Theater* *3000?

    * Silhouettes, of course, is a French word, and should only be used by dispicable French Canadians like the cheap, vulgar, child-hating Therese.

    ** Or, in Foobland, Mystery Science TheaTRE 3000

  19. steven
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Tommy seems to be getting fuller in the face and his arms are skinnier since he went to prison, that and the little pony tail points to black market hormones. He’s going to have an impressive rack by the time he gets out.

  20. arto
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Hey, don’t be belittling Rush Limbaugh’s cred as a drug expert. He’s taken waaaaay more than you have, after all.

  21. Ralelen
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:51 pm [Reply]


    Panel Two: Frumpy foob ass starts early in Canada.

  22. Mic
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Easy homoerotic jokes aside, Judge Parker has found daring new narrative territory to move into. The “pleasant cartrip with boat-wrestler-guy and Raju” story has something few dare to attempt: a complete lack of conflict. With this amazing new story-construct in place Judge Parker will be able to lead us down dozens of lengthy stories where people talk pleasantly while doing nice things for each other, and we’ll never have to worry about drunk driving accidents or lost bears again.

    Quoted for hilarity.

  23. Rarebit Fiend
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Becky’s totally got VPL. Pretty racy for a family strip.

  24. Mumbles
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Why is Michael’s landlady Lovey playing backup in Becky’s band?

  25. SanctumSanctorumComix
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    So, WHY is JIM SHOOTER hanging at Mary Worth’s place?

    Has his career in comics gone downhill THAT much?



  26. Justafoob
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    The problem with the sound was that the school dance was being held next door to Mike’s apartment building.

    The Kelpfroths called the cops in and had the power cord pulled from the sound system.


  27. Flan
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    No. 1
    So true.

    Nothing like isolated women in their 50s trying to write hip. “Far out! We’re the bomb! I hope you all have this next song on your Ipod mp3 music players.”

  28. Ned Ryerson
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    I think that Tommy’s Bible motion lines suggest that he’s doing the old el cheapo 3-D effect ala Dr. Tongue’s 3-D House of Slave Chicks.

    Yes, mother, I’m a completely different person, thanks to this here….BIBLE! (insert cheesy violin cues)

  29. Buckley
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    It’s true that the lyrics of yesterday’s FOOB strip were absofoobly hilarious – you must have been so weak kneed over the reintroduction of Meth Man that you missed it, Josh. You’re supposed to read these so we don’t have to, durn it! I want to know if Elly and Mr. Patterson are in the audience, keeping the venue foobulous. I’m sure Lynn will clarify for us whether the term ‘sound’ was meant metaphorically or literally tomorrow. Or maybe we’ll jump to a new storyline involving Michael and Deanna’s new baby, Rose, being sick, and Deanna’s bitchy mom arriving to ‘help’. Alas. Til’ tomorrow, then? Oh – more Dinette Set, please!! That comic is endlessly strange and lovely – not to mention rag-worthy.

  30. Old Fogeyette
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe Josh didn’t comment on MT, where in one panel he says it looks like there’s someone in the cave and in the next panel, he says there isn’t anyone in the cave. I mean, for sheer, heart-stopping excitement and let-down, all in one strip, that’s pretty unique.

    And where the heck is Molly and what have the ‘ake brothers done to her?

  31. yellojkt
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    We know Sophie is a world class voyeur (especially when it comes to the tongue thing), so if she is going to bed, the main event must be over and Raju and Bobby are just sitting awkwardly in the front seat like a scene out of Boogie Nights.

  32. Concerned Citizen
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    We are seeing the jail scene through heavy duty drug spawned Iris vision. That’s why nothing is right with the picture. Tommy, Bible, guard with vestigial armlike appendage, signs in an English-like language are all in Iris’ Twinkie and White Castle craving brain.

    Is the fact that the babe-ilicious Abbey can’t seem to get laid part of the homoerotic JP subtext? It seems pretty suspicious.

  33. Indiebass
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Things I’ve learned from today’s Mark Trail:

    1) Mark Trail lacks an inner monologue.
    2) Andy the dog not only has the ability to radically change size in what appears to be a random fashion, but is also drawn to the Jack Elrod ball in every single strip he appears in.
    3) In the Lost Forest, all caves look like stone vaginas, and they will radically alter their size when you enter them. And,
    4) In the world of MT, a door knock will echo but one’s voice inside a cave will not.

  34. Senator Wizzrobe
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Despite preparing myself by re-reading the Tommy storyline of years past, I was still unable to discern in today’s strip that Tommy is, in fact, not a woman.

  35. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Bonus Answer: The sign behind Iris says “Wilbur.” It’s the top of an FBI most-wanted poster. Wilbur aka “Kill-bur”, Victoria “Toeby” Cameron, that other guy, and of course, Mary Worth aka the Aldonator, aka the Silver Beaver, aka “Bloody” Mary.

    Charterstone, Inc begins to crumble under the scrutiny of RICO.

  36. Harry Paratestes
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    I’d say that Raju’s nutrition thesis was on “The Nutritional Value of Used Jockstraps”, and he’s giving Bobby some firsthand knowledge of his research methodology.

  37. captainswift
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    Tiny Bibles, in the cell
    Make me happy, while I’m in jail
    Tiny Bibles, make me fool my mother
    With the feeling that I’m going to use her to the end of time

    So here’s to the crystal meth
    And here’s to my ponytail
    But most of all, to get me out of jail

    Tiny Bibles, fool my Mom
    Makes me happy, she’s so dumb
    Tiny bubbles, with tiny speedlines
    With the feeling that I’m going to use her to the end of time

  38. Dan Coyle
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Sanctum: wow, that really does look like Shooter!

  39. jules
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    I don’t get Judge Parker in my paper (all my JP info comes from this very website), so I have to ask: Who is this ten-year-old girl, and why does she know so much about Bobby and Raju? Because seriously: she seems to know a LOT about Bobby and Raju.

  40. Concerned Citizen
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Let’s not overlook the Kafkaesque drama in RMMD, as June deals with Divine, the DMV lady. In the last panel she is either at the breaking point or satori, not sure which.

  41. jules
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    PS: I salute you, Captain Swift. That was brilliant!

  42. Krazy Kat
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    It could be “The Shooter’s Bible” or more likely just a hollowed out version that the new neighbor sent–full of “stuff”.
    I think we’ve got a smuggling ring at Charterstone.

  43. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    TDIET – of course the biggest problem with today’s installment is: how many grocery stores still have cash registers that look like that, and that require cashiers to figure out the change themselves? Most of ‘em display the exact amount due back for you, and many shoot the coins into a little cup cunningly positioned on the other side of the card-reader machine so you forget your change and the store gets a few cents of extra profit. That, they’ll do everytime.

    As for Ponytail Tommy’s micro-Bible: on the campus where I work, every semester a gaggle of doddering oldsters shows up distributing free teensy little green Bibles even smaller than the one our cutely-coiffed jailbird is waving in his man-faced, hair-helmeted mother’s oddly immobile face.

  44. Dennis Jimenez
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Land Ho, Captain. Hell, Don Ho!

  45. Raznor
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    I dunno about Tommy, that vacant stare, prominently holding a bible, “he’s a comletely different person” – I’d say he’s been going through some Clockwork Orange style reprogramming. At least their finally taking the meth problem seriously.

    Next story line, Aldo’s been converted to Soylent Green.

  46. Laura c
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is the hunk in panel 1 a refugee from that Old Spice commercial? Perhaps he’s on his way to meet a Bo Derek lookalike on the beach.
    That Bible is up to no good. But what most blows my mind is the cheerleader ponytail.

  47. Liz
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    In regards to the size of the Bible, back when I was in college, the evangelist church in the area would regularly stand around the crowded area of campus, trying to give out micro-sized Bibles and teach us the error of our ways. Why they chose to try and push religion on a bunch of kids who didn’t even shower that morning, much less remove the wristband from their previous night of debauchery is beyond me, but they were persistant.

    The lesson? Tommy’s learned that pushing Jesus, not meth, is the ultimate high.

  48. ReadsJosh
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps it’s a Tijuana Bible?

  49. Cornwhacker
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps it’s a Tijuana Bible?
    Yep, that’s it. Moy’s gone all meta on us, and Tommy’s spent his time in prison working on his fanfic masterpiece, “The erotic adventures of Mary Worth”.

  50. K Bear
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    FOOB– what school do these kids go to?! even if it’s halloween, aren’t the costumes a bit…non-dress-code? i never would’ve been able to pull off hip huggers and a halter at my old high school, not even with a stage costume excuse. the moment the coat came off and a teacher saw you dressed like that you were forced to either go home and change or get immediate suspension. which meant thart if you didn’t go home due to the suspension, you had to spend the day in detention, coat on….or maybe my school was just really really strict. but i still think those costumes are insane for 15-year-olds to wear.

    A3G- doesn’t this storyline seem a bit…victorian-themed? luann goes to the top of the building to spend quality time alone and all sorts of weird stuff happens…i’m thinking “mad woman in the attic”. then, if alan is suppesed to be watching out for her via…talking lightbulbs or whatever, that would count as supernatural visions, right? sort of like jane hearing rochester calling out to her in the middle of the night from far, far away and just know KNOW that he needs her and that she can’t marry st.john becuase she had to ruch back to save him…incidentally, from the mad woman in the attic. run, alan, run!

  51. Johnny Q
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    MW: Why is Tommy holding a bible in between himself and his mother? Because she’s a vampire!

  52. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    Man, the more you look at this JP, the FREAKIER it gets. I’m guessing tomorrow’s strip will be a visit from Social Services …ok Sophie, now show us on these two Team America dolls what the boys were doing…



  53. Lambnesiac
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    It looks like Drew and Andrian (Dr. Corey’s kids) have come up before:

    And like they live with him.

    Right now, I’m wondering whether they share the same bed too. (I’m guessing Mary doesn’t come around real often either way.)

  54. KT
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    I was so troubled by Iris’s oddly off-center face yesterday that I decided to fix it up in Photoshop. Here are the before-and-after shots, plus an animated combination of the two showing exactly how I fixed it:


  55. Gnarl E.
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    The sad thing is that because of joshreads I now look forward to reading FOOB every morning even though I do not like the strip.

  56. dan b
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    ok, I have been away and not paying attention, but when did RMMD turn into TDIET? (forgive me if there have already been several hundred posts on the subject…Aldo Keeshan) is that damn Scaduto determined to ruin everything I hold dear in this world? it was only a week ago when we had creepy Elvis with Niki’s mom smacking the kid around, mom showing up the next morning with a “job”, which I presumed to be turning tricks at the clinic but even better she’s a meth doctor! now they give us day upon day of “the DMV is a pain in the ass – OH YEAH!”?

    to paraphrase that dope Mark Trail, “There might be something to it! There’s nothing to it!” c’mon RMMD – Judge Parker is upping the ante on homoerotic overtones and Mary Worth is bringing meth back to the, uh, pleasant walkways of Charterstone. you’re gonna start lagging in the serialized drama sweepstakes. hell, even Margo looked like she was about to kill a man this week. please have Niki’s mom turn up dead in someone’s trunk or something. or have Rex pick up Elvis on the corner for some quick, um, relief. just don’t continue to do it every time. OH YEAH!

  57. AhClem
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    #39 jules,
    Sophie is Neddie’s sister. They were both adopted by Abby a few years back when they were homeless and living somewhere in the vicinity of Abby’s spread (estate, that is, not thighs).

    I am so completely ashamed that I know this. Please kill me now.

    How Sophie knows so much about Raju and Bobby, I haven’t a clue.

  58. MonkeyHawk
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener & Liz –

    When I was in college, the Gideons (of motel Bible fame) showed up on campus and were having dificulty giving way their tiny little New Testaments.

    So, to help them, I passed the word around that the indivual pages made *great* rolling papers. We cleaned ‘em out in half an hour. As it turned out, they *did* make great rolling papers!

    I may rot in hell for that sin. But what’s even worse, I’ll never know if the Corrinthians ever wrote back.

  59. RentedMule
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: OK. I guess that I can believe that Tommy is a dude given the vaguely mandrogenous look of both “he” and Iris in the prison frame. If I had to take a whack at the chromosomes those two possess I’d go with about 1.2X/0.8Y for Tommy and 1.5X/0.5Y for Iris.

  60. gh
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    #s 39 & 57 — re Sophie knowing about Raju and Bobby:

    wasn’t she in the backseat with the white Mr.T? Apparently she listened in to their “You’re kidding! Me too!” soulmate intro. How she knows about the scholarship, um, I missed that part.

  61. Blueline
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    The bible is actually hollowed out, inside its “pages” is a bottle of female hormones to help Tommy transition into the girl he always knew he was. He prefers to be called Tammy now.

  62. Donald The Anarchist
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    MW Has anyone ever described their conversion or resurgence of religious feeling by saying, “I’ve taken religion into my heart.” Don’t people talk about being born again or saved or finding Jesus or Islam or…anything but the generic term ‘religion’? It’s sorta like someone saying they love music but not being able to name a single artist or piece of music they enjoy. Or it would be, if that ever happened.

    And I think we’re gonna see a Britney Spears style striptease to make up for the lack of sound in the Foobiverse…at least I will, in my mind’s eye, again and again and again.

    You know you’ve seen too much porn when you start imagining comic strip characters naked, just for the novelty. Maybe I can sell that one to Johnny Hart!!!

  63. benro
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    #50 – Did you go to high school with Al Scaduto?

    But seriously, these are costumes that the performers are wearing. Rebeccah is a bona-fide (?) pop star, so she can wear a halter top while she’s performing if she wants to. I think you’re nit-picking a bit, there.

  64. Red Greenback
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Too bad the power went out before Rebbaca’s set. Roger Ruskin Spear was going to play a solo on the Electric Shirt Collar.

  65. rodent
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    This is a little off-topic, but I need help from the CC community. My old laptop finally died, unlike some cartoonists we read, and my new one has a strange quirk. Every time I access my Houston Chron comic page, the only comic that shows is FBOFW–all the others give me a “No Referrer” error. If only it was Get Fuzzy I might be able to live with it, but I’m Foob’d if I can get anything else to show up. What software is my browser missing–can anyone help (the site offers no explanation)?

  66. bismuth+paregoric
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    This is off topic, but today’s Mallard Fillmore is just exceptionally offensive. I know, it’s always offensive — but today’s?! Aaaaaaaaaargh. Joke all you want about the artificial perfection of the foob-o-verse, or the jocks-in-suspended-animation implausibility of Milford, or the inbred self-satisfaction of the Charterstone community, or the sloooow-time of RMMD, or the disturbingly dark “I see dead people walking and talking and making pizzas” world of Funky Winkerbean, or the anachronistic christianity of BC’s pre/post-apocalyptic cavemen — but all those strips have their endearing qualities as worlds. THey’re artificial little worlds, which we can watch and be grateful — down on our knees grateful — that they aren’t the worlds we live in.

    MF has that m-f duck show up and presume to comment on my world. Yes, I’m offended because I’m a college professor and a liberal. But I’m used to that. Doesn’t bother me. But to assume that anyone ANYONE could connect concerns about obesity with my country’s obscene treatment of prisoners! Aaaaaaargh . . . I say again, aaaaaaaaaargh.

    MF is an evil-minded little monster that somehow crept onto the comics page and survives only because . . . well, why does it survive? What’s the excuse? Why don’t the other comics gang up on it and kick its @$$? I’d give a whole lot to see those nice young men from Mark Trail take MF for a little ride in that van of theirs.

  67. rodent
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    #54: Her face isn’t off center, she’s holding a mask in front of her real features because, well, there’s a reason her son waves Bibles between them…

    Cool animation! Maybe MW should take after the FBOFW site.

  68. ghoul
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:49 pm [Reply]


  69. Proteus
    November 1st, 2006 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    I think its great that Sophie has had the chance to see her older sister do the tongue thing AND learned what wrestlers eat. On the front porch. In the dark.

    But I can’t believe that we’re not going to see Abbey get margoed on the sofa. Homoerotic or not, that’s a letdown, folks.

  70. bismuth+paregoric
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    Or how about if all the comics dogs got Mallard Fillmore trapped in a garage somewhere? Eh? The evil Yorkies from Grand Avenue and the slavering houngs from Sylvia and Grimmy-poo and Trixie and . . . yeah . . . Devil.

    “Don’t whimper . . . you sound like prey”

    Nuthin’ left of him but some feathers and the feet.

  71. Heckler123
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    #62 – I agree that saying “He has taken religion into his heart” is a pretty bizarre turn of phrase. Most Christians I know call themselves, well…. Christians.

  72. Jordon Harriman
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    “Don’t whimper . . . you sound like prey”

    Bismouth, good catch. I would buy that T-shirt. Josh, whip something up, please.

  73. Vince M.
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    Did you know the name ‘Mallard Fillmore’ was penned by cartoonist Peter Bramley for the duck mascot of the ‘National Lampoon’ in its earliest days in 1970? Just another reason to not like the current-day strip.

  74. roydrink
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    You definitely ARE a Plugger if you get both your religion and your political views from comics.

  75. MonkeyHawk
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    ghoul said:


    …and spelled it right!

    It’s so refreshing to find an Internet forum where important issues can be discussed intelligently.

    P.S. — I thought the ghost under the sheet was Farley.

    P.P.S. — The dog.

    P.P.P.S. — Or is that just me?

  76. sc
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    Tommy is actually in cahoots with “Ella”–who’s not really Ella, of course, but some imposter–and they’re going to convince everyone that Tommy is now on the side of the angels, so that when he is let out of jail, mom Iris will take him back in. Tommy will be a doting son, cooking and cleaning for dear ol’ mom. But then Iris will start feeling sick, and it will end up that Tommy and “Ella” were slowly poisoning Iris in order to reap all her earthly belongings. Mary will save the day, because she, like Moy & Co. (and me), saw this same storyline on “EastEnders” 10 years ago.

  77. AhClem
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    #65 rodent,
    The “No referrer” message results from a setting on your privacy or firewall software. I get the same message on my work computer, but not from home. This link provides a brief explanation:

  78. wanderlust
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    JP: Has anyone else noticed that every time Raju’s name is mentioned we get a freaky close up of Abbey with a comehither look? What’s going on? Is she so un-serviced by her own husband that she is having sexual fantasies about Raju? Scary. I almost feel sorry for her.

  79. Ukulele Ike
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    #70: Nah, let’s just hand him over to Marmaduke.

    It would be funny, you see, because he is a BIG DOG.

  80. roydrink
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    Today’s subtle reference to Mallard Fillmore:

    BTW – doesn’t the political term “lame duck” entirely explain Mallard Fillmore?…

  81. SixFootJen
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    Um, this is so embarrassing, but… what are “tracers” in this context, #7 and #17? I’m not up on my drug lingo.

  82. roydrink
    November 1st, 2006 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G – LuAnn arrives at the studio and it’s unlocked. She hopes it’s Alan, but turns out to be…

    a. Margo with a gun

    b. Aldo

    c. Religious Tommy

    d. Molly

    e. Raju

    or … your choices!

  83. Laura c
    November 1st, 2006 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: We are clearly being set up for a story line in which Mrs. Morgan finds her original birth certificate and discovers (in ascending order of horror):
    a. she’s not a US citizen
    b. her parents were brother and sister
    c. she’s not white
    d. she wasn’t born a woman

  84. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    November 1st, 2006 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    #64: It’s much better than the prefabricated concrete coal bunker!

  85. phil
    November 1st, 2006 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    I’ve always loved FOOBville. Way before I found this great site I remember clipping out the “dead” landlady strip and hanging it up in my cube. It’s just so cheezy and it gives me something to read while Mary Worth takes a week to dust her condo before confronting Aldo or Tommy or whatever lost soul moves in next door.

  86. fillmoreeast
    November 1st, 2006 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Mallard exists to “balance” Doonesbury. And it does. Doonesbury is an intelligent, well-written, competently drawn strip with grown-up viewpoints and a large cast of well-developed, complex characters that people actually care about, plotlines that actually go somewhere, occasional bouts of emotional resonance, and the ability to tell more than one joke a week without beating on the same thing over and over and over.

    And Mallard isn’t.

  87. Fred P.
    November 1st, 2006 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know why everyone gets so worked about all these homoerotic references we’ve seen in the comics lately. It only makes sense, really. After all, everybody knows that them Gay Agenda people have recruitment quotas to meet. What better way to get their message into the minds of impressionable youngsters than by sneaking it into cartoons? Especially cartoons such as Judge Parker or Gil Thorpe or Rex Morgan MD, which are so wildly popular with the ‘tween-age set, read by literally dozens of kids worldwide every day.

    On a related note, it’s perfectly true that they make Mini-Bibles, or at least Mini-New-Testaments, about the size of a deck of cards. Back when I was at State College, Brother Jed handed ‘em out on the Oval like they was candy. Jesus candy. And when my brother (not Jed, my real-life brother) did a stretch in the place where they sent juvenile delinquents back in the Seventies, they handed them out there, too.

    My brother told me the pages were perfectly serviceable as rolling papers.

  88. bismuth+paregoric
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    ZOT! Well said fillmoreeast! Well said.

  89. dramashoes
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    Also, Mallard Filmore was the name of a character from DC comics’ short -lived “Adventures of Captain Carrot and the Zoo Crew” in the early eighties. As a child, this led to me reading MF in the newspaper thinking he was some kind of zany superhero duck. The disappointment has become no less bitter over time.

  90. dramashoes
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Margo Magee: see gam-o-gram!

    (this stupid palindrome brought to you by the letter “L” and the support of Viewers Like You)

  91. CBrachyrhynchos
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    #66: Straw-man tokenism. When certain groups of people whose social lives revolve around complaining about the newspapers gripe about the once a year that Doonesbury grabs publicity, the editors can soothe fragile egos by pointing to MF.

  92. Harry Paratestes
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    ‘Trails’ often appear to one who is under the effect of a powerful hallucinogen like LSD; moving objects like a finger, a bible, etc are perceived as spreading out and smearing , leaving what appear to be ‘trails’ in their wake. You can get a rough idea of the effect by setting your cursor to have trails.

  93. Victor Von
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    Could it be that Becky is referring to the marvelously goofy Canadian animation Rock and Rule? If I’ve read this correctly, April’s band will narrowly prevent Becky from summoning a demon and destroying the world.

    I think the sign in Mary Worth is singing the praises of the SLUR. It is prison, after all. Those felons do enjoy their slurs.

  94. aldos
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    I see Bobby has moved up from wrestling boats to wrestling entire states now.

  95. Poteet
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    #54 — KT, that was wonderful. Iris would be so grateful if she knew.

    #66 — Bismuth+Paragoric, I nominate part of what you said for COTW.

    #83 — Your comment also.

    #86 — And yours. Good luck, Josh — glad I don’t have to make selections from all this scintillating wit!

  96. aldos
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Either that, or he was the wrestling champion of an insurance company.

  97. Harry Paratestes
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    #58 Monkeyhawk:
    The Corinthians wrote back, but since they were illiterate, all that Paul received was a blank sheet of paper signed with an scrawled ‘X’ and a smeared, inky thumbprint. That’s why the Bible doesn’t mention it.

  98. Len
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Tommy waves a little book labelled “Bible” at his Mom, and she says he’s taken religion into his heart. Mom’s vision ain’t too good, and she leaps to odd conclusions. That little book is small for the New Testament, but it’s just about the right size for Anton LaVey’s “Satanic Bible.” Tommy will be offering small animals to His Satanic Majesty (not Mick Jagger! The OTHER one.), and reading the Lord’s prayer backwards. Good times.

    Say LaVey? C’est la vie!

    Perhaps this links in with the origins of Ella Byrd’s psychic “gifts.” Gifts derived from her dabbling in the worship of Satan! She’ll soon be attempting to invoke Satan, but since she’s dyslexic, she’ll mistakenly call forth a jolly, fat, white-bearded gent (not Professor Pappadopalous! The OTHER one.)… Hey, just in time for Christmas!

    Ella Byrd: She sold her soul to SANTA!

  99. Harry Paratestes
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    JP: Actually, Bobby branched out from wrestling to bouncing; last year he was the chief bouncer in New Orleans for a group called Katrina and the Waves.

    Ooooh, I am so going to New Jersey for that one.

  100. Len
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    Captain Swift! You are nothing but a Ho’. But a distinguished one. A DON Ho’.

    Tiny bubbles. A song about Hawaiian flatulence.

    (I can’t stop giggling.)

  101. Anne
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    Lambnesiac, I had no idea I could read old comics in the chron just by changing the URL. This is life changing. I am now reading the entire original Tommy storyline. I had no idea the word “stuff” was in quotes every single time it was used! Now when I go to my google homepage and it says “Add stuff…”, I want “stuff” to be in quotes. Like I could add some of Tommy’s “stuff” to my homepage. This line is classic (from 10/15/2004):

    #X!!#X!^X SLIM!

    I’d be pissed too if Mel Gibson was behind me looking vaguely curious.

  102. Heckler123
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW – All of you who think Shannon has secretly pulled the plug on Rebecca’s band are only partially right.

    She actually has her own group, Shannon & Shortbus, who will do an over-the-top cover of Lordi’s “Hard Rock Hallelujah” – exacting revenge on all the Foobateens who have made her high school years a living hell.

    More about “Hard Rock Hallelujah” can be found on the Internet at

  103. Anne
    November 1st, 2006 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    54. KT: very nice.
    55. Gnarl E: me too. And MW, GT, RM, etc.
    58. Monkeyhawk: nice. If you do rot in hell, it will be so worth it.
    90: dramashoes: that’s the best palindrome I’ve heard in a long time.

    I love to read the comments almost as much as I love to read Josh’s posts, and that’s a lot. God bless this blog! I think I’ve found “religion”!

  104. Monkey's Paw
    November 1st, 2006 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Everyone in Charterstone’s jail seems very happy don’t they? Perhaps Tommy continued practicing his profession from his cell.

    Also my anger towards April’s band and this whole insane plot arc has reached the point that I would rather watch Iris change bedpans.

    Finally, does anyone else get the impression that every single character in Judge Parker is about five seconds away from tearing each other’s clothes off? Except for Abbey’s husband that is. He’s just a sexless eunuch.

  105. fahrenheit451
    November 1st, 2006 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: Do you suppose “Salvation lies within?”

  106. Tommie’s Dream ”Date”
    November 1st, 2006 at 9:26 pm [Reply]


    … f. The Ghost Who Stalks!

  107. andreavis
    November 1st, 2006 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Mallard Fillmore can bite me sideways, the hateful little creature. Anyone wanna barbeque that misanthropic waterfowl? I’ll bring the l’orange sauce.

  108. Jejune
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    I’d really like to see the Charterstone residents perform Night of the Hunter. I think Mary would make a suitably scary Robert Mitchum, but I’m intrigued as to who would be the terrified children. Maybe Aldo had some houseplants or something. The stupid and callous neighbor onlookers are nice and obvious. Any dinner theater that nearly ends with Mary’s violent death at the hands of a mob shrieking, “Lynch her! Lynch her! She killed Aldo!” is worth watching.

    Yeah, I get that Tommy is the preacher in this case, but if all my Mary Worth wishes came true, this post title would become a reality, with Mary in the starring role. How awesome would that be?

  109. kylegirl
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    I, too, have gone back and read the original “Tommy” storyline, and all I can say is “Wow.” And damn, the art is even uglier than current MW art! And Tommy’s hair length fluctuates not just from strip to strip, but actually from panel to panel! Check it out! In the third panel, his glorious mane cascades over his shoulders, but by panel five it’s a chin-length razor-cut bob, then in six it’s become a kicky flip before returning to the severe bob first seen in panel five. Magic hair! I wonder what kind of “stuff” he uses on it?

  110. Pendragon
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    64, 84: Perfect! I thought that Foobistank would achieve transcendental coolness only if their set was billed as Bonzo Dog [Doo-Dah] Band Dadaism. Marginal coolness if billed as a homage band. As is, terminal suckitude.

    Dada for now!

  111. moutoncadet
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    Will we ever be able to get any glimpse of things from Rebecca’s perspective, or any of the other characters that come across as unredeemably bad? The completely black-and-white ethical outlook of the strip is probably its most irritating aspect.

  112. weiser
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    kylegirl, thanks for the handy link and educational hair review. Now if you can only explain how he lost his manly physique and tatoos while in the slammer. Must be some other kind of “stuff”

  113. Doug Puthoff
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:35 pm [Reply]


    Kid City: What if some people in that town can speak both English AND French. Another Gordian Knot hacked to pieces?

    November 1st, 2006 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    is it just me or does the ‘ium’ in ‘hose-a-phonium’ seem a bit tacked on? i mean come on, you can’t make a word more legitimate by adding latin suffixes. goddamn, this has been bothering me all week

  115. Red Greenback
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    #84…or the pink half of the drainpipe.

  116. King Folderol
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    MW – He looks less like he’s taken religion into his heart and more like he’s had a partial lobotomy. Knowing Mary Worth and the lessons we learned the last time Tommy was in the picture, we’ll soon find out that Tommy can’t be trusted and Ella’s brand of “I can see into the future religion” is good and “orange jumpsuit and butt sex religion” is bad.

    FBOFW – OK, so the sound doesn’t work. So what? Does Lynn think this means that Rebeccah’s career is over, and she’s going to lose her record deal and have to work cleaning the grease off the deep fryer at Arby’s? Why is this so monumental? It will take a few moments to fix the sound and all of their drab existences can then plod on.

    This strip has gone beyond train wreck at this point. It’s almost as if Lynn recognized at some point that this story was beyond awful and now she wakes up every day and says, “OK, what can I do to make this strip even worse.” And each day, like the Queen of Comic Crap, she does it! Hurrah!

    JP – I’m didn’t even notice the homoerotic subtext, because I’m more fascinated by how enthralled all of these people are by Bobby’s scholarship.

    “Bobby Wright, the All-State wrestling champ?”

    “That’s him. He’s at State College now on a College Scholarship.”

    We get it, Judge Parker. He goes to an institution of higher learning, and his amazing wrestling ability got him a scholarship. Must you insist on explaining this mundane fact every single freakin’ day, like I have Pop Tarts for Brains and didn’t get it the first nine hundred and ninety-nine times that you mentioned it.

  117. Randy S
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    #46 He’s a refugee from those old Camel Filters magazine ads. (Which were something like the Where’s Waldo of the 70s, where you’re supposed to spot the Camel smoker among all the “phonies” — And you could always tell the “real” Camel smoker because he always had his jacket casually slung over his shoulder)

  118. moutoncadet
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    Bweapp, she might have gotten the idea from the euphonium.

  119. King Folderol
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and another brilliant thing about today’s FBOFW.

    April and her friend are supposed to be celebrating their wonderful Suck-a-phonium triumph in Panel 1 (I’m guessing). But it looks instead like April is going through some sort of crazy, post-drug DTs and is suddenly incredibly cold and shivering.

  120. Poteet
    November 1st, 2006 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    #101 & 109 — Anne and Kylegirl, thanks for the links. I am in awe. Any tweaker who says aloud to himself, “Blasted smoke detector…spoiling my ‘recreation’!” and has a pelt that advances and retreats from his skull like one of those old hairstyling dolls is definitely someone whose return I look forward to.

  121. majolo
    November 1st, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Beat by moutoncadet. I just wanted to add that euphonium means true phonium.

  122. Monkey's Paw
    November 1st, 2006 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    In my dreams Shan….non has smashed the sound system and spends 30 days for vandalism. I hate her not because she’s handicap, but because she only exists to make Ape-tit look good.

    I’m sort of disturbed at how much anger towards Foob these self-righteous plot lines have evoked in me.

  123. Da Scrodfather
    November 1st, 2006 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Clearly, the sign behind Iris’s head in jail is about visiting hours. But due to budget constraints, it’s been reduced to one visiting hour per day. Just long enough for Tommy to rape his mom’s brain w/ the Magikal Hypnotic Bible!

  124. Randy S
    November 1st, 2006 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    Regarding today’s Mary Worth:
    The guy walking by them in the first panel with his jacket slung over his shoulder looks like the exact same guy that the prison guard is talking to in the second panel.
    Pretty suspicious if you ask me.

  125. Magnolia
    November 1st, 2006 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    The worst part about FOOB is that it used to be good. I used to actually like the characters and want to know more about them. I can only hope that this will end with April learning a lesson about not being a spiteful little bitch.

  126. Monkey's Paw
    November 1st, 2006 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    We bring to you a complete list of all the names of that abortion of a musical instrument that only a Foob could love.


  127. Red Greenback
    November 1st, 2006 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    Here’s an idea what Shannon’s music would sound like:

  128. Jennifer
    November 1st, 2006 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    #116 King Folderol

    Mmmm…. Pop Tarts… *garl*arl*garl*arl*

    …uhm, so Bobby has a what to do which where, now?

  129. Red Greenback
    November 1st, 2006 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    At long last , I say it…BONG-FART!

  130. Tommy Addict
    November 1st, 2006 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in today’s Dennis the Menace, we see he is returning to his truly menacing roots. He has undoubtedly filled his “trading pile” apples with razor blades and poison, or is passing on the razor blades he’s already discovered. Either way, he’ll claim ignorance and get away scot free, laughing as his health-conscious classmates spend their November in the hospital. Wait, I think he’s crossed the line from “menacing” to “maniacal”.

  131. Ben
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    Rebecca’s full patter, if she only had time:
    Now we’re on stage at this school
    -an’ it’s cool
    So, are you ready to rock, ’cause we rule!
    Love to watch all the pedo teachers drool!
    Lucky swim team, you’ve got a great pool.
    Give it up for Mr. Doug Yule!*
    The band saw is my favorite tool.
    Excuse me while I go
    leave a sample of my stool.

    She’s born show people.

    *Manager insisted on this one. Old Velvets fan.

  132. Facebones
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    I… don’t… think… Shan…non… could… have… un… plug…ged… the… sound… sys..tem… be…cause… by… the… time… she… con…ceiv…ed… the…i…de…a… and… reached… down… to… pull… the… plug…Re…bec…ca… would… have… re…cor…ded… her… third… live… al… bum.

  133. Poteet
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    And in the 11/1 STONE SOUP, we see yet more evidence that Max is the son of Satan.

  134. weiser
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    Just where was Tommy and that bible of his when Aldo was needing a decent funeral? That whole graveside-group could have used a little religion in their hearts or a least the reading of a passage or two.
    sorry, just can’t let Aldo go…..

  135. Cornwhacker
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    82: After seeing the 11/2 A3G, I’m gonna have to go with Molly. It’s like a reverse Goldilocks scenario.

  136. rodent
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    #77: Thanks, and a tip of the Firesign Theater hat to you

  137. Heartless Mahoney
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    I really, really, really hope that in some crazy crossover plot, we’ll find out that Niki from RMMD is the love child of the PWTM and Tommy. Please, if there is a God… this will come true.

  138. klipper
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    I just did a technoblip in my pants.

  139. treedweller
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Wow, that’s one big school! I’ve been to major concerts in huge arenas and the performers didn’t look that small from the upper balcony.

  140. BewaretheCreeper
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    Mallard Fillmore is brilliant IRONY. You see the prisoners in GITMO are gaining weight and the prisoners in Iraq are losing weight, mostly through beheadings and bodily mutilations. If you have someone explain it to you, you will understand the humor. As for torture of Islamofascists at Gitmo we can only hope!! Have a good day all! LOL

  141. Alex Blase
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    FBOFW – I don’t think anyone mentioned the most annoying part of yesterday’s strip: panel 4′s COMMA SPLICE! What an unnatural pause! “Because (wait 3 seconds) we rule!”
    MT – The poachers seem to have a cave where they hide deer, and apparently hunting deer will put you away for years in Mark Trail’s universe.
    MF – This duck thinks that black people have the intelligence of turnips. He’s totally off the radar crazy conservative, so I wouldn’t worry about him. Tom the Dancing Bug’s joke about MF this weekend put that whole thing in perspective. Ultimately, I think that MF just goes to show that conservatives are insane, apathetic, narcissistic, uncreative and humorless, and I don’t think that’s really helping out their cause much.

  142. Mr. Barkie
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    I am not the sort of person who would wish harm on anyone, but it sure wouldn’t bother me if Molly killed somebody. I really don’t care who.

    And I hope the guards don’t check Tommy’s bible because I think he might be keeping some dope in there. What irony if it were so.

    Mr. Barkie sez, “Peace out and kiss the Gray Beaver for a cheap high.”

  143. Nori Chan
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    Man, what is it with Mary Worth and ruining or killing of the most fun characters in the series?

    Actually, I’m hoping Tommy’s newfound faith will be more like Jay and Silent Bob’s in Clerks II.

    “Did you know Jesus was a Jew?”

  144. mark
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    holy shit, what’s even happening in today’s fbofw? I’m am, however, exicted by the idea that drinking allows one to produce a sound that looks like a tornado from an acoustic guitar.

  145. Mibbitmaker
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:36 am [Reply]


    MW: I think Tommy may really be born-again. That glassy-eyed, blissfully smiley expression looks like every brainwashed, pseudo-religious shell on earth. It’s the blank look you’d see on fundies, airport hari krishnas, Moonies, partly dismembered al-Qaidas in the background of bin-Laden videos, and Katie Holmes.

    Also in that panel… isn’t that prisoner in the background…? Could it be? Is that… Dr. Rex Morgan’s old golfing buddy/homoerotic item with two names and a shady past?

  146. Mibbitmaker
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:58 am [Reply]


    FOOB: Get it, Becks? Lynn Johnston hates you! That’s it! Makes you blow off the handicapped, covet a lame novelty band, lose your power, and gets your guitar player drunk, while lame-os pity you. What more does a cartoonist have to do to prove she hates your freakin’ guts?

    SM: So it takes a wacky job change for Flattop J. Hitler to shake Petey from his neanderthal chauvinism, huh?

    FC: Sounds like Jeffy is speaking in made-up language from yesteroldentimes. Or does Prince Valiant actually talk like that?

    A3G: And LuAnn discovers what gasp-worthy being in the loft? A giant ant? Maybe the creators know about us, saying, “Well, if you’re going to treat us like an MST3K movie, then we’re going to act like an MST3K movie!”

  147. Zen Doggies
    November 2nd, 2006 at 6:04 am [Reply]

    Today’s FBOFW: It’s shocked I am, SHOCKED, that a musician would get drunk. This is gonna have repercussions, you mark my words.

  148. John C Fremont
    November 2nd, 2006 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    I tried posting yesterday, nut my computer locked up on me – I just wanted to thank Josh for the Night of the Hunter reference. I also appreciated the Dr. Tongue reference in post #28.

    RMMD – Damn it, it’s about time someone take on the DMV! This is breaking new ground, ’cause NO ONE’S EVER DONE THAT BEFORE!


  149. Von Zeppelin
    November 2nd, 2006 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    A question for the guitar gods among the Curmudgeon readership: How exactly do you get a four-string acoustic guitar to go SKREEEEE by tugging on the E-string? I never got that far in my music lessons. Of course, the sound balloon structure is a little ambiguous. The SKREEEEE may be emanating from the guitarist himself. Maybe he always does that when he’s drunk.

    In any case, it was so distracting that Becks miscounted the three-care monte hand she was laying out on her street grifter’s suitcase table.

  150. Pinback65
    November 2nd, 2006 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    The DMV lady in today’s Rex Morgan is apparently being played by character actor Barry Corbin. Is Graham Nolan just cleaning out his swipe files and drawing whatever the hell amuses him, or what?

  151. Von Zeppelin
    November 2nd, 2006 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    That would be three CARD monte. “Three Care Monte” may possibly be a character in 9 Chickweed Lane.

  152. Von Zeppelin
    November 2nd, 2006 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    150 Pinback65: Mr. Corbin seems to have borrowed a hairstyle from the young Cesar Romero. Apparently Kirby Puckett returned from the dead long enough to wait patiently behind June to renew his license. I wonder what Jimmy Stewart and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew are discussing in the background of panel 2?

  153. Pinback65
    November 2nd, 2006 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    152- I’m guessing Dr. Honeydew finally pushed Beeker too far, and is in need of another elongated, excitable assistant. And it’s not like Jimmy Stewart’s doing much these days…

  154. Harry Paratestes
    November 2nd, 2006 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    A3G: Uh oh, Halloween trick! Somebody left a 52-pound pile of shit in Luann’s cot!

  155. Harry Paratestes
    November 2nd, 2006 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    MW: In panel 2, isn’t that Heather from RMMD visiting someone in the prison? Also, Iris violates the first rule of drug abuse: Never trust a junkie!

  156. Scurvy
    November 2nd, 2006 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    That “Skreeeeeee” is the drunk bastard squealing like a pig.

  157. yellojkt
    November 2nd, 2006 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    FW: Jessica was about to hurl, not because she is drunk (which she is), but because she is pregnant and is having morning sickness, albeit at night. She is pulling out all the stops to seduce the suspiciously reluctant Darin so that she can name him as the father of the baby. However, when the baby is born hideously deformed from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, she will abandon him. Darin will have to raise a severely disabled child, which isn’t even his, all by himself.

    Most. Depressing. Winkerbeen. Ever.

  158. Jennifer
    November 2nd, 2006 at 8:16 am [Reply]


    Uh-oh. I see where this is going, I think. 4Evah + Eva are going to have to take over and save the day! Lessons will be learned, dammit, and they will be delivered by hose-o-phonium.

  159. Keith
    November 2nd, 2006 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    I’ll say Tommy looks like a new person – he looks like a woman! Prison must have done wonders for him.

  160. fillmoreeast
    November 2nd, 2006 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Up till now, I’ve been trying to give Foob the benefit of the doubt on the whole guitar thing in 4-Schmevah. Maybe they were going for a folk-rock kind of thing or something. I dunno. I was being charitable.

    But today’s SKREEEE* killed it. We now have to face a chilling fact: Lynn Johnston doesn’t know what an electric guitar is. Evidently, she thinks all rock bands play the same instruments as Buffy Ste-Marie, or something. I mean, it’s not like an electric’s any harder to draw than an acoustic — once you’ve got the basic shape down, you’re fine (I see the caricature-ish “drunk” guitarist playing a Flying V, don’t you?). And you don’t even have to draw the little circle in the middle!

    And finally we have confirmation that Phil was the enemaphonium ringer, thanks to his creepily lurking appearance in the final panel.

    Lastly, WHAT THE HELL DOES THE PUNCHLINE MEAN? They wanted to be good … wayyy too bad? So the guitarist drank seventeen Moose Heads and, unlike every rock guitarist in the history of history, forgot how to play while drunk? Fuck that.

    Note: if, in tomorrow’s strip, April grabs her guitar and steps in to save the day while Johnny Ramone there lies aspirating on his own vomit (HURRRRRK!), and thus teaches the Beckster a valuable lesson about what music is all about, I’m grabbing a Bowie knife and heading north. I hear it’s Johnston season.

    *: Note: at least it wasn’t SKKKKKKREE, although I’m sure Hendrix made that sound a few times. On an electric, dammit.

  161. fillmoreeast
    November 2nd, 2006 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Sorry about the profanity in my post. For some reason, I thought it would get replaced by “[Margo]“. You [Mallards] tricked me.

  162. Von Zeppelin
    November 2nd, 2006 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    160 fillmoreeast: Maybe the peculiar hybrid instrument is what LJ thinks an electric guitar looks like. It does appear to have an extension cord attached to it, which is wrapped around SKREEEguy’s leg. Speaking of his leg, are 1971 bell-bottom jeans back in style?

  163. Fred P.
    November 2nd, 2006 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    The “Skreee!” is due to the fact that the string is being stretched way way way too far, far past the point where any normal guitar string under the tension of any normally tuned four-string guitar would have snapped like Margo in a hissy-fit. Therefore the string, obviously, is a transdimensional singularity in the time-space continuum not subject to the laws of Newtonian physics. The haunting “Skreee!” is, perhaps, an echo from the lower circles of Hell, or maybe an harmonic reverberation of the aftershocks of the Big Bang. One thing is sure: THIS IS BEYOND THE KEN OF MORTAL MAN.

    More to the point is why Shan … no … n.. talks the way she does. We all know that Lynn is rather tone-deaf to the way normal people speak (case in point, Rebecca saying “just hang in, ok?”- who says “hang in”? it’s “hang in THERE”, or “hang OUT” or even “just hang, dudes”, but NEVER “hang in”), but based on the intelligence (or lack thereof) on display in FBOFW, I have long suspected that Lynn either comes from a family with a history of severe mental retardation, or is in fact severely retarded herself. Either of which should have given her an insight as to how our less mentally agile brothers and sisters talk.

  164. Justafoob
    November 2nd, 2006 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Man, if you are not a Paterson, you are [Margo] and life is going to hand you a [Margo] sandwich.

    The moral of the story is don’t ever, EVER, cross a Paterson or their friends. Especially the prop ‘tart Sha…non. Evil will befall you at the hands of hack writers.

    This is why we hate FBOFW so much. It is supposed to be a “slice of life” ‘toon but it winds up making the minor characters more of a ‘toon than anything else. Even Mallard Fillmore’s minor characters are more true to life than the props here.

  165. Ohyes
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    That cave in today’s MT must smell really bad.

  166. Justafoob
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    prop ‘tart?

    sorry, my bad, I had the Beckster on my mind.

    I meant Sha..non, the prop ‘tard.

    Not to be confused with Anthony, the prop ‘stasch.

    or the Kelpfroth’s, the prop farts.

    or Dudley, the prop [Margo]

    the list goes on and on. . . . .

  167. Doug Puthoff
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Of course, Barring a prison break, Tommy won’t be getting out until 4316 A.D (real world time). by which time we’ll all be dead, and civilization will have disintegrated to the level of “B.C.”

  168. FW
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Today’s FOOB sums up the Patterson Family dentist / giftshopowner / housewife / kindergarten teacher curse:

    The problem is “maybe they wanted to be good, way too baad…”

    That’s the only explanation as to why “professional musicians” who toured with Rebecca suddenly lost it at a small party. Who is going to be surprised if she will discover fun with her old band, and blah blah then afterwards go her way, they go theirs, each satisfied with their universe.

    Only Rebecca will go on to be very, very rich, have a movie / music career with Grammys, an eventual duet with Celine, eventually adopt kids and each halloween visit whats-her-face at her struggling vet clinic.

  169. andreavis
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Haha haha in the last panel of FOOB the kid on the left is holding Eva’s hair out of the way, so he can see the train wreck on stage. That’s the only highlight in today’s otherwise sucktastic strip. I mean, wouldn’t Bekkah hire professional musicians for this gig, not drunk highschoolers, since she’s supposed to be a professional herself? And SKREEEE is the sound the string makes when it’s scraped with the pick, not yanked (that would be more like BOYOYOYOING.) And Aypo is sporting the whoremouth… aarrhgh. I give up.

  170. Fred P.
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    More information about String Theory can be found at the Library.

  171. Justafoob
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    More information about Libraries can be found on the Internets. You just have to use The Google to find you local one.

  172. fishmorgjp
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Boy, Tommy sure does love his Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Bibles… Toated wheat — nicely sweet!

  173. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, Dr. Honeydew and Beaker stop by the DMV in Rex Morgan.

  174. BigJoe
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    MT: I love how in the last panel Andy has a stunned expression on his face. I guess he’s repulsed at seeing the decaying carcasses of his woodland friends.

  175. benro
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    FOOB – The lameness of this story has completely exceeded my expectations. It’s enough to make me look forward to returning to lizardbreath/granthony and the drooling chinnuts..

  176. Dennis Jimenez
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:47 am [Reply]


    MT – I like the WTF look on Andy in panel three. I’ve got to give Elrod that one!

  177. jules
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    #107: I’m not eatin’ Mallard Fillmore! God only knows what I’d come down with. But I’m all for the barbecuing.

  178. Harold
    November 2nd, 2006 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Now The Phantom is offering management advice! While “Shoot back when shot at” may actually be a good management plan, the fact that the middle manager needed to consult with an upper manager to get this advice does indicate management deficiencies. A contingency plan for what to do when a masked man dressed in purple and a wolf enter the factory with guns blazing and teeth bared should have been in place. Failing that, the middle manager should have had the flexibility to develop and execute a response on his own.

  179. LittleGuy
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I imagine a shot of LJ hovering over today’s strip as she pens it in, looks over her shoulder, and smirks, “Ain’t I a stinker?”

  180. Tj
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    #15=> I nominated this guy for comment of the week. I’ve been laughing for 10 minutes now… hysterical…hehehe

  181. hogenmogen
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Foob: BeckaH should have her little acne problem surgically removed. You really can’t be a pop princess with that going on.
    “They wanted to be good… Waaaay too bad!” Is that supposed to be a punchline? June Morgan is trading better barbs with the tiny-brained, beurocratic sadist at the DMV.

    Speaking of which, what could be better than June Morgan at the DMV? Ha ha! Five straight days of June Morgan at the DMV!! The only thing this story arc is missing is a few days of June, standing in line amongst some vaguely movie actor inspired people for two frames, then in the third frame June advances one step up the line. That would be AWESOME. Meanwhile, in Phantom, he’s just smashing glass and shooting people, both guns blazing – nothing to get excited about.

  182. jules
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    The worst part about FBOFW is that it used to be good. I remember a time when I enjoyed that strip. I CRIED when Farley died pulling April out of the river. That could be because I lost my own beloved childhood dog to old age only a few weeks before…but see? That’s my point! The Foobs were relevant, once upon a time! Now they’re… Foobs. Sad, scary Foobs. Writing sad, scary letters every month on their official website. (I’m still mentally scarred from reading those [Margo]ing things yesterday.)

    That said, Fillmoreeast #160 cracked me up. :)

  183. Justafoob
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    You are in luck #175 benro

    lizardbreath/granthony and the drooling chinnuts is the act that is going to take the stage when Rebakahahahahhhh goes running crying from the stage. Certainly how all professionals act when there are problems.

  184. Harold
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    So not only did Shannon pull the plug in FBOFW, but somebody had better check what’s in the bottles of “Spring Water” she’s been passing out to the musicians.

  185. anne
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    today’s MW: I love how all the cops are standing there watching the heartfelt scene between Tommy and his mommy, with touched smiles. I bet the birds outside are singing in the trees just for them! And rainbows! Hooray! *sniff* I just… it’s so sweet!

  186. Holy Prepuce
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Also interesting that Shannon has either stepped out of the trap door or grown about six inches since earlier this week.

  187. Phil the Wonder Pig
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Boy howdy. Some really great lines in The Phantom the past two days. I can’t decide which I like better, “Stop moving and he’ll stop squeezing.” or “Don’t whimper… you sound like prey.” I’d love to have those on a mug or shirt. But I suppose that would be a copyright violation.

  188. Phil the Wonder Pig
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Speaking of The Phantom, I clicked on the ‘About Phantom’ link on and discovered this: ” Diana Palmer
    This globe-trotting socialite was the first to discover that her boyhood friend, Kit Walker, was, in reality, the Phantom.” Boyhood friend?! That’s a man, baby!

  189. Dingo
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Why has no one commented on RebeccaH’s garter made of Lifesaver Candies© in panel one and her really, really, really misplaced navel? That girl must have a box and butthole both on her backside. For my female relatives, that didn’t happen until their mid-twenties.

    Oh, and based on that instrument in Shaggy’s hands having only four strings, he’s the bass player. It’s a well-known fact that all bass players are notorious drunks and pedophiles. Should be a good school assembly!

    I love the last panel. It looks like something out of a 1960s British teen comedy about five perky kids and their relationship with Professor Chinklenuts. Somehow, the enemahorn will save the world from Soviet-style communism. But could it save the world from Bushistic democracy?

  190. Archivalist
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    #50 K Bear — Her outfit is obviously a Telemundo thing. She probably got it at “Charo ‘R’ Us”

    #58 Monkeyhawk — But what’s even worse, I’ll never know if the Corrinthians ever wrote back. Brilliant! I think they did write back, saying “Hey, Paul, that’s some crazy shit you’ve got going there.”

    Bonus Answer: It’s text message-speak. Or Prince-speak. As in “UR nt alowd 2 frk yr vsitrs.” And Josh, nothing compares 2 U.

  191. Fred P.
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Mark, I think you’ve got more to worry about than just a few garden variety poachers running around LoFo. From the looks of the scene inside that cave, I’d say you’ve stumbled upon the lair of some bizarre Satanic cult which practices ritual animal sacrifice.

    Odds are the cave is either 4Eva’s rehearsal space or the home of Curly, the lovably mephistophelian B.C. character.

  192. hogenmogen
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    #126 – Monkey – thanks for the research. That’s 45 minutes of your life that you will never get back.

    I just now saw the Foob installment in full color, instead of the black & white in my local rag. Ahh, what could be better? Not seeing it at all, I guess. Anyway, according to April’s letter (amazing how she wrote a letter about the concert while she’s still there), the band put on ghoulish white makeup. Full color reveals that no such makeup exists. April is a damned liar and clearly any depiction of her encounters with BeckaH have been adultered. April’s the one at fault, leave RebeccaH RoadsidE alone.

  193. jbrandt
    November 2nd, 2006 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Since Rebecca’s guitar player actually has an acoustic guitar (however poorly rendered), the dude with the rectangular stringed instrument must be playing not only bass, and not only a Steinberger bass, but a SIX-STRING STEINBERGER BASS. That’s pretty cool. Rock on, token black guy who is undoubtedly instilled with mighty token black guy stereotypical funk. And when this whiny little diva has had her moment and is shuffled out of the spotlight, form your own band and shine, man, shine.

  194. J.
    November 2nd, 2006 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Charterstone Condominium Complex or pirson?

  195. Mountain Mama
    November 2nd, 2006 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    #86—Bravo, filmoreeast, bravo!!

  196. Frank Drackman
    November 2nd, 2006 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Tommy’s mom looks a little like the Joker from Batman..and hes got to be the Gayest looking convict I’ve ever seen, with the scrunchy he makes Wilbur look like Dog the Bounty Hunter. I too am obsessed with the “-UR” sign on the wall. BUR? CUR? DUR? I can’t think of a single word in the English language that would make sense..maybe its in Spanish..since MW takes place in California..?? well that doesn’t matter,,it could be Vermont with all the rampant illegal immigration.

  197. mattt
    November 2nd, 2006 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    S-M And, just like that, JJJ is a news anchor? What? What?





  198. Poteet
    November 2nd, 2006 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    (Margo), I love this site. I have been laughing and laughing. I can now justify this addiction as a health benefit. Thank you all.

    And MT — I’ve been trying to figure out why Mark is so relaxed and casual about actually finding Molly, the bear in peril, when it came to me that this is actually a weird ursine version of COLD MOUNTAIN in which the very dim protagonist wanders about the landscape having semi-gruesome adventures until he finally finds his beloved Molly again, at which point he will be shot in the head. I can hardly wait.

  199. Rarebit Fiend
    November 2nd, 2006 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    160 – Looks like an electric guitar to me. They come in all shapes and sizes, but the knobs on the lower right and cable coming out of the bottom are a giveaway.

  200. Dingo
    November 2nd, 2006 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    199: They come in all shapes and sizes, but the knobs on the lower right and cable coming out of the bottom are a giveaway.

    Are you talking about the guitar or RebeccaH?

  201. blase
    November 2nd, 2006 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    FW: Jessie’s admission of low self-esteem leads to Darin’s feelings of tenderness which leads to an act which leads to teen pregnancy. All looks disastrous but it turns out to be a blessing in disguise: the baby turns out to be a good DNA match for Lisa, who needs a bone marrow transplant as a last resort. Lisa is cured of cancer thanks to umbilical cord stem cells while at the same time realizing Darin is her son; meanwhile, Wally returns home a national hero after capturing Osama Bin Laden, Funky becomes a proud papa, John meets a girl dressed as Catwoman at a comic book convention and gets married, Les publishes a best-selling novel based on the misfortunes and triumphs of his friends, the pizza chain becomes a franchise and all seems to go wonderfully at last.

    Suddenly, Kim Jong Il gets snitty and launches a nuclear attack. Everyone dies of radiation poisoning. The End.

  202. MaryAnnTheRest
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    #162: If bell-bottoms were back in style, surely Al Scaduo or Johnny Hart would have told us about it.

    Honestly, Rebeccah’s professional band wanted to show up a bunch of teenagers at a school? So badly they made a mess of it? Is there a talking dog and a Mystery Machine somewhere in this story? [Margo], the Brady Bunch did this storyline better.

  203. Allie Cat
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    #201- You left out one thing – somehow, they find a way to reattach Becky’s arm (or, a donor arm), and she gets to go to Julliard after all…

    Which only proves that I’ve been following FW far longer than I should.

  204. Gabe
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, in boot camp we got those lil’ new testaments.

  205. treadwell
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Amazed by all the “FBOFW used to be good” comments. I thought it was lame and annoying when I read it in the 80s.

    And particularly unpleasant to look at. One Sunday strip that I haven’t been able to scrub from my memory involved Elly dealing with a whistling nostril in the middle of the night. It involved much scraggly hair artwork, nausiating sound effects balloons and a panel of her loudly blowing her nose. It was even more disturbing, in both subject matter and execution, as this past Sunday’s strip with the clown suit and the coconut bra.

    FOOB did suck, does suck, and will continue to suck until we are blessed by its demise.

  206. GodWithFire
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Filmore East beat me to it — April’s unplugged acoustic guitar always made me say “hmm” during their practices, but I supposed if the drummer played with bamboo sticks it was at least possible. But on stage? Becky’s drunk guitarist (and all the best drunk guitarists play teles, of course) at least has added a pickup to his rig, but still…

    This band plotline is getting into Gil Thorp weirdness.

  207. treedweller
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    So I’m the only one who read A3G and thought, “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed, and he’s still there!”

    Maybe this is the MT/A3G crossover we’ve all been waiting for: That’s Molly in the bed and her family is about to eat Lu Ann for trespassing into their loft.

  208. Capisce
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Rebecca is the only character in FBOFW who doesn’t have the ass of a 50-year-old woman. Kudos.

  209. Mibbitmaker
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Looks like the first panel is mocking right-wingers, and the last one is mocking left-wingers. Or maybe the other way around. Or just the left…or the right……or…… Aw, hell, this is actually making me miss the relative coherence of Mallard Fillmore (no it’s not!).

    MT: “Holy mackerel, Andy”. Huh, Mark Trail’s a fan of “Amos ‘n’ Andy”. And the dear in the last panel… well, if Trail can quote from old radio, so can I: “Aaaaahh, gr-r-r-ruesome, isn’t it?” [/Jerry Colona]*

    *Often used in old Warner Brothers cartoons

  210. Red Greenback
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: O.k., here’s how I see it; Rebecca’s trainwreck of a set will be foreshortened, and Shannon will step in and prove herself to be the Gomer Pyle of the foobiverse. Like, remember how Gomer would speak and act mildly ‘tarded, but when Vince and the guys would goad him to sing, he’d belt out a beautiful, perfect “‘Santa Luchia”?

    Damn, I never even glanced at FOOB before coming to this site!

  211. Concerned Citizen
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Damn! I was going to trade a tracer definition for an explanation of the acronym VPL, but I was scooped. VPL: Very Pouty Lips, Very Prominent Labia, Vulgar Protruding Lymph nodes? Is this another way of saying cameltoe? I was in high school during the age of mini skirts so we had to be content with panty shots.

    But speaking of anachronism: TDIET (11/2) was particularly moronic, almost metamoronic. Man gets weighed a doctor office, finds out he “lost” weight while weighing at home in his scivvies, goes back to doctor and finds he’s gained 6 pounds. WTF? This whole exercise in zero logic is breathtaking. On the good side though, I now believe that Barfo’s full name is Barfo Barfwell. His parents were definitely twisted beyond the pale.

  212. Jennifer
    November 2nd, 2006 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    #201 blase
    Suddenly, Kim Jong Il gets snitty and launches a nuclear attack. Everyone dies of radiation poisoning. The End.

    It would be more like the end of Dr. StrangeLove (or it’s progenitor Fail-Safe) where we’d get a bunch of zoomed-in-to-freeze-frame shots of the last, happy(?) moments of the entire FW cast then dramatic fade-to-black and a colossal BOOM!

    Credits roll… in silence.

  213. MossMoses
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    “Rebecca is the only character in FBOFW who doesn’t have the ass of a 50-year-old woman”.

    Plus, Rebecca has a balcony you could recite Shakespeare on. It’s just too bad she is such an evil, bad self-centered person as opposed to the nurturing, caring, saintly April.

  214. hacky
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    VPL=Visible Panty Lines

  215. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    #211 (CC) “VPL” == Visible Panty Lines (well, it’s also part of the thalamus in higher mammals, but I doubt that was what was being discussed. Although we are a pretty literate group here…).

    And there was an “age of miniskirts” in high school? Crap, who forgot to send me the memo?

  216. Audible Sigh
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    MT: Please tell me that that is a deer costume left over from Snake and Jake’s Halloween party, or my innocence will be lost forever.

  217. JB2
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Today’s TDIET:

    Who are “they”? Barfo? The Nurse? The bathroom scale or the one in the doctor’s office?

    What is the “it” that “they” do every time?

  218. Mushuweasel
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Actually, that sign is a devotional prayer to the moon god Nanna with a woodcut of his ziggurat at Ur. Tommy found religion, indeed, but not the one his mom is thinking of. That bible is hollowed out to stash his sacred Sumerian ganja.

  219. hacky
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    “Have you ever wondered how For Better or For Worse® gets from Lynn’s imagination into your newspaper? We’ve just launched a new feature on our website that will answer your questions regarding the inspiration, writing, drawing, and production techniques that go into FBorFW before it’s delivered to the more than 2000 newspapers where it’s enjoyed daily by millions of readers. Take a look behind the scenes!”

    I got to about page 18 of 42 pages that give every last detail on how Lynn produces the strip. If you want to know what kind of pens, ink, and opaque white go into “the making of” FOOB, this is for you…

    OH! And going to the FOOB site I learned that it’s widdle Wobin’s second birthday. Don’t feel bad, I didn’t get him a present either.

  220. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    All right, I’ll say it. What do you get? You get The World According to Garp.

    Man, the tattoo thing yesterday and now this? Hart be racking up the Leviticus violations. He’s gonna wind up on a toadstool next to Hitler.

  221. Dennis Jimenez
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    TDIET – Everytime Barfo comes into the Dr.’s office, he wants to strip down for the weigh-in. Does Nurso don’t wanna see that? Oh yeah!

  222. David
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    It’s pretty late to comment on this topic, but I just have to say: It seems overkill to criticize Darby Conley for not capturing English slang properly in portraying an English talking cat. That’s right, a talking cat. Isn’t it more appropriate to raise a ruckus (a Cockney word, incidentally: ruckus rhymes with tuckus; tuckus is the the Olde English term for “fuss”) about the fact that Get Fuzzy consistently shows A FREAKING CAT THAT CAN TALK, which, the last time I looked at the Plugger vibrating heated foot massager at my feet, is a genuine impossibility.

  223. Len
    November 2nd, 2006 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Don’tcha just hate it when you’ve got Plugger friends over, and they play ball games so loudly that they annoy your old Dad? And he starts screaming at you from downstairs, threatening to turn off your mind-meld machine, and to deep fry all the baby squid who were spawned by Ishmael and serve them with hot sauce? And the noise wakes up Harry Potter who’s sleeping in the closet under the stairway, and he swears he’ll just stay at Hogwarts all the year ’round from now on?

    Is that what’s getting on your last nerve, Junior Scientist?

    Oh, YEAH!

  224. Marion Delgado
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Rebecca’s Lament In Meditation on Her Displeasing of the Goddess:

    Then to the rolling Heav'n itself I cried,
    Asking, "What Lamp had Destiny to guide
    Her little Children stumbling in the Dark?"
    And--"A blind understanding!" Heav'n replied.

    And strange to tell, among that Foobish Lot
    Some could articulate, while others not:
    And suddenly one more impatient cried--
    "Who is the Patterson, pray, and who 'roadside'?"

    Said one among them--"Surely not in vain
    My substance of the common Ink was ta'en
    And to this figure moulded, to be erased,
    Or trampled back to shapeless lines again."

    Then said a Second--"Ne'er a peevish Boy
    Would break the Bowl from which he drank in joy,
    And She that with her hand the Vessel made
    Will surely not in after Wrath destroy."

    After a momentary silence spake
    Some Figure of a more unseemly Make;
    "They sneer at me for leaning all awry:

    Whereat some one of the loquacious Lot--
    I think again Rebecca waxing hot--
    "All this of Ink and Paper--Tell me then,
    Who is the Plotter, pray, and what's the Plot?"

    "Why," said another, "Some there are who tell
    Of one who threatens she will toss to Hell
    Luckless characters she marr'd in making--Pish!
    She's a Good Apple, and 'twill all be well."

    "Well," Murmur'd a guitarist, "Let whoso make or buy,
    My beer bhong with long Oblivion is gone dry:
    But fill me with the old familiar juice,
    Methinks I might recover by and by."

  225. Derelict
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    MT: Shake ‘n’ Bake must be the world’s most ill-informed poachers. Hanging a deer with the head UP? Not unless you’re a real fan of rancid meat. The idea behind hanging your deer is to drain the blood out of it before you butcher it.

    Sort of like the way Mary Worth drains the blood out of a storyline before butchering it.

  226. ghastlymess
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Brrrrrr ap-pa tappa bappa bapaa zoopa doopa pappitydappity.

    Bappity brappity BOP!

    (what is that sound? That sound advancing from offstage?)

    Bippa-dappa BORP!

    (look, it’s the hose-a-ma-phone! He’s walking up to the band! He appears to be offering his help!)

    Brappa dappa!

    (they’re working together!)

    Brappity SKREEPITY Scappity SKEEPITY!


    You know why Phil looks so nervous in today’s last panel? It involves a certain guitarist, a sixer of Molson, and a certain funnelling contest with the Hose-a-ma-phona-a-ma-chug-a-ma-puke.

  227. Poteet
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    JP — While Raju and The Wrestler are getting to know each other ever so much better on that dark back porch, I would like to point out that while Abbey has acquired more smoking hotness under the new art regime, poor Sophie has lost whatever cuteness she possessed and has become rather homely. Poor little kid. Yes, she’s precocious and too smart and snarky for her age, but did she really deserve this?

  228. Tak, the Hideous New Girl
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Mallard Fillmore can bite me sideways, the hateful little creature. Anyone wanna barbeque that misanthropic waterfowl?

    I think turning him into foie gras and a nice confit would be more appropriate (and delicious).

  229. Marion Delgado
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    In fairness to Bruce Tinsley, his dittohead has virtually no friends – every single one of his acquaintances is a stupid, over-the-top liberal – and no social life whatsoever. He eats wretched snack foods for all 3 meals and his only pet is a goldfish. He dresses like Matt Drudge and on a typical day his best emotion is a bitter feeling of superiority confronted with a world that “doesn’t get it.”

    So Mallard is already suffering enough, and moreover, he’s usually stupid enough to be funny.

    Plus, unlike Prickly City, he’s not pretending to be a moderate, libertarian, or independent, THEN giving you the GOP blast-fax line-of-the-day anyway. Unlike BC, he’s not trying to give you the dog medicine wrapped in hamburger.

    Mallard is what he is, and that’s worth something.

  230. Marion Delgado
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    81, 92: you can also see tracers by moving your hand at moderate speed in front of most computer screens.

    73,89: he lost his jobs as a mascot and superhero, and you blame him for being BITTER??

  231. Josh (not THE Josh)
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    I haven’t read all 30 million comments in this post yet because I’m in class and I can’t afford to laugh out loud during the lecture, but has anyone else noticed that Rebeckcahhh says ‘We gotta technoclip,’ in which ‘gotta’ means ‘have to.’ So she’s saying that the band has to technoblip, which still does not make any sense whatsoever.

  232. Randy
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    I can’t enjoy the anticipation of Rebecca’s impending humiliation. Yes, she will suffer some momentary discomfort, but it won’t last. As anyone who has read the strip can figure out, she will walk away from whatever it will be, not chastened, but even more the tween bitch she already is. The Foobs will be limited to knowing, if slightly pained, glances at each other.

  233. Concerned Citizen
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Thank you to the folks that cleared up the VPL mystery. VPLs have been around since I was young (I actually was born after the era of bustles, bloomers, and petticoats) and have always been high on my list of the little things that make life great. I remember seeing a commercial announcing pantyhose that would eliminate pantylines forever and I regarded it the same way I would relish hearing about impending nuclear doom.

  234. David C
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    227 – “[P]oor Sophie has lost whatever cuteness she possessed and has become rather homely. Poor little kid. Yes, she’s precocious and too smart and snarky for her age, but did she really deserve this?”

    To look like an actual human child instead of… whatever mutant entity she was pre-Barreto? I’d think she’d be happy!

  235. Uncle Lumpy
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    #224 Marion Delgado -

    WHAT HO! cries Marion Delgado now –
    “All Roadside is the Star” – the Saints avow!
    And she whom Patterson has spurned, so Lynn
    Will no success, nor pride, nor love allow!

  236. Dennis Jimenez
    November 2nd, 2006 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    I kinda like the RMMD Abbification of Lil’ Sophie.

    I suppose a bucket of hog blood is way to much to expect from FBOFW, proximity to Halloween notwithstanding.

  237. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    #231 I haven’t read all 30 million comments in this post yet because I’m in class and I can’t afford to laugh out loud during the lecture…

    Shame on you, son. Next thing you know, some giant talking waterfowl is gonna inform us that college is the new high school.

    Then again, the irony of citing USA Today while criticizing academic standards apparently blew right past Tinsley.

  238. Indiebass
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Here’s a hypothetical, based on today’s discussion:

    Would you rather a) be trapped in a circular two-dimensional world á la the Family Circus and be completely unable to say anything negative about it or b) be trapped in the actual world that is FBorFW and be forced to interact with the Pattersons daily?

  239. Maura
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    233: Gene Weingarten of the Washington Post has had a long-running discussion of VPL on his weekly live chat for about as long as I can remember. The fallout basically suggests that there is a very fierce and passionate divide along gender lines: women hate it because it makes us look fat, men love it because it’s like they get to look at our underwear all the time.

    Uh… oh yeah, and FOOB is lamesville.

  240. Jennifer
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:26 pm [Reply]


    Hunh… both of my cats talk constantly. Thank God, they’re more like Satchel than Bucky.

  241. ohyes
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    VPL with a thong is the best.

  242. Kingo
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Holy Mackerel, Andy?! Is Mark Trail bucking for a membership in the Mystic Knights of the Sea? More information about Amos N’ Andy can be found on the Internet.

  243. Cornwhacker
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    So what’s the masculine equivalent to VPL? Jeans so baggy you can read the label on his boxer shorts, a la BC?

  244. Archivalist
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    MW/JP Crossover Alert:

    It looks like snoopy l’il Sophie is getting her comeuppance today. “Off to juvie with ye!”

  245. Archivalist
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Um, that is, in today’s MW. That is all.

  246. Von Zeppelin
    November 2nd, 2006 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    224, 235–Wow! Iambic pentameter, as in Pope’s Iliad and Dryden’s Aeneid! In order to be worthy of this newpaper comics blog, I shall have to devote myself to rendering FOOB into Latin. FOOB, that is, “Aut melior, aut peior.”

  247. Krazy Kat
    November 2nd, 2006 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Rebecca is a survivor. Don’t worry about her. She knows what she wants and she’s not afraid to get it. If that means stepping on ‘friends’ along the way, what are a few hurt feelings of people she’ll never even think of again in a few years. She’ll get past this little glitch–she can belt out a soulful version of “When will I be Loved” with just a drummer to back here. She has a repertoire just for a situation like this.
    And that Skkeeeee!! sound? She just wanted to say “If you like that last band, I thought you’d love that! Now, time to kick some ass! One!!…two!!!”…I…love…you…!

  248. Jennifer
    November 2nd, 2006 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    243 – Cornwhacker

    So what’s the masculine equivalent to VPL?

    Plumber’s Butt
    (not to be confused with Plugger Butt which is entirely different)

  249. Krazy Kat
    November 2nd, 2006 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    “Plugger’s Butt”?!
    Do not GIS that one!

  250. Krazy Kat
    November 2nd, 2006 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    OK Josh, that’s 250 comments in this thread.
    Put up something new
    Entertain us.

  251. hogenmogen
    November 2nd, 2006 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    #219 – Hacky: Thanks for the link. I saw somewhere in that enormously complicated web site (the only detail of her life that she left out was what her preference for toothpaste was). She did, however, admit that the strip is not always funny or gag-a-day. That explains a lot.

    She says it’s all about the writing. That’s a shame because her writing sucks. All the current unending story lines are boring or obvious. She should probably spend less time writing those sappy foob letters and more time on the strip itself. You remember, Lynn, the whole reason for the huge web site and you million dollar house? Yeah, that comic. Even Rex Moron had a pretty exciting story line when one eye Jack was playing poker (except that it was preceeded by four months of Rex looking out of a window, sh!tting the purple cupcake because he was about to see a patient that had physical injuries). Mary Worthless had her run in with Aldo. Gil Thorp had exploding mailboxes and cars. Spiderman had an exciting story line when… when… ok – so FBarFW has the equivalent writing ability to Spiderman. There. I said it.

  252. Canuckguy
    November 2nd, 2006 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    The fact that Tommy’s eyes are the size of dinner plates makes it all the harder for me to believe that Christ is his anti-drug.

    So does this mean the denizens of Garfield are all on drugs?

    Would explain a HELL of a lot!

    (They get the “dinner plates” epithet more than Tommy, although, for Worth-land them’s big eyes.)

  253. yellojkt
    November 2nd, 2006 at 5:03 pm [Reply]


    blase (#201) – You had me going. I knew there couldn’t be a happy ending.

    SPOI (#220) – Brilliant. Took me a minute, but it was worth it.

  254. Leaning on the Everlasting Arm
    November 2nd, 2006 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Does Tweaker Tommy have LOVE tattooed on his right hand and HATE tattooed on his left? The ghost of Robert Mitchum wants to know.


  255. lascauxcaveman
    November 2nd, 2006 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    Little FOOB help from a luthier (guitar maker) and performing musician here:

    Those acoustic-looking guitars could very well be acoustic-electric and may or not need to be “plugged in” to amplify through the P.A. or guitar amp, because they could be equipped with a wireless setup, which you can get sometimes as cheap as $80. (Really goods ones are a lot more). I build custom electric guitars and believe me, you can make ‘em look like just about anything. BTW, Unk Phil’s foobaphone would have been inadible unless they has a wireless mic in it too.

    The performing musician in me wants to point out that the SKREEEEEE sound could be feedback from any guitar or vocal mic; happens anytime some foob has their guitar/amp/vocal mic turned up too high, which happens ALL the time, especially right at the beginning of a performance before the soundman has a chance to get the EQ dialed in (basically adjusting volume and boosting/cutting certain frequencies so your can hear all the instruments and vocals torgether. )

    The guy tugging his E string way out on his bass is completely unrealistic unless said E string is way loose, in which case he’s not only drunk but out of tune as well (Bad, bassplayer, bad! No heroin for you!)

    So, lame as it all is, most of the stuff in the last few days of FOOB is posssible, equipment-wise.

  256. Josh (not THE Josh)
    November 2nd, 2006 at 6:08 pm [Reply]


    I’m actually in grad school, which is the new college.

  257. Von Zeppelin
    November 2nd, 2006 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    255 Lascauxcaveman: Thanks for your post. I do remember my long-ago guitar teacher had a pickup which he attached to his acoustic, but I assumed that a “real” band like those in FOOB in the present century would not use such simple devices. Besides, that was centuries ago, in the 1960s that I saw such implements.

    Also, I can’t resist thanking you for those amazing cave paintings.

  258. Marion Delgado
    November 3rd, 2006 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    Shannon is not even a human child, she’s an obvious Gelfling:

  259. K Bear
    November 3rd, 2006 at 5:50 am [Reply]

    EEEEWWWWWW!!!! April’s barefoot in a public restroom!
    white trash britney-spearesque stardom, here she comes!

  260. Mr. Groovy
    November 3rd, 2006 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    So Becky rushes to the bathroom stall to cry her little trampy eyes out, and what does she do? She sits on the WATER TANK and rests her feet on the seat. Is this some weird Canadian custom? Of course not. Apparently, Lynn Johnston, liberal blue nose that she is, doesn’t want anyone to think that Becky might be, uh, taking a FOOB at the same time that she’s weeping for the end of her 15 minutes of Canadian fame.

  261. Mr. Groovy
    November 3rd, 2006 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    Tonight on Behind the Music, the Becky McGuire story:

    Plucked from obscurity in the quiet suburb of Stepford, Ontario, Becky had it all: fame, fortune, adoring fans, and the original costume from “I Dream of Jeannie”. But one spooky Halloween night, it all ended in a ear-shattering haze of drugs, booze, and, in the end, humiliation. Before the calendar had turned from October to November, Becky had gone from Roadside to Road Warrior to Roadkill. This is her story…

  262. Dennis Jimenez
    November 3rd, 2006 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    RE: 261 – Well played, McGroovy. I hope she ends up working at an organic cranberry bog near Saskatoon – planning her comeback, of course.

  263. Poteet
    November 3rd, 2006 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    #258 and #261 — Hahahahahahahahaha, thank you!

  264. bradles
    November 3rd, 2006 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    For a meth-head, Tommy sure does have a lot of teeth.

  265. Buckley
    November 3rd, 2006 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    #224 – thank you – absolute gold.

    Re: JP today – I was not aware that there was an Olympic competition for ‘boat wrestiling’ or that India had a representative team in it, mediocre or otherwise.

    Plus: RichandAmy broke up? Nocoverage?

  266. Longchamp Sale
    August 18th, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    The Comics CurmudgeonCharterstone Community Dinner Theater presents Night of the Hunter » The Comics Curmudgeon

  267. Roger M. Wilcox
    January 15th, 2014 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    So, why IS becoming a bible-banger supposed to make you a better person?

    Tommy’s just going to start knocking on random doors and telling the occupants that they’re going to fry in hell for all eternity if they don’t convert, pronto. How is that less annoying than being a meth dealer?

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