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CLOWN ALERT! CLOWN ALERT! CODE CLOWN!

Ziggy, 11/10/10

Ha ha, the clown wants to see the funnies because clowns are … funny, by definition, you see! And by “funny” I of course mean “horrifying beyond description,” particularly this clown, who’s some kind of terrifying clown-giant. I mean, I know Ziggy is supposed to be particularly small and gnomish even by the malformed standards of the inhabitants of Ziggy-world, but the two of them are ostensibly sitting on the same bench, and the top of the clown’s thigh is nearly level with Ziggy’s armpit. In fact, the clown’s limbs seem to be intruding rather generally into Ziggy’s personal space, and while Ziggy is just the sort of meek loser who often finds his boundaries crossed without any protest on his part, I feel that this clown-beast has sinister intentions. The ellipsis that begins his dialogue is perhaps relevant. “I always think that a man should die with a smile on his face. So, are you finished with the funnies?”

Mary Worth, 11/10/10

Oh my goodness, look at how ecstatic Adrian is in panel two, as Scott tells off Jill! Ha ha, her hero, who can save her the trouble of asserting herself with her friends, or other humans generally! She’ll definitely be going on that non-vacation honeymoon with him now!

One Big Happy, 11/10/10

Someone needs to explain to Ruthie that when it comes to dogs “exercise” is often a euphemism for “pooping.” But, whatever, she’s apparently OK with filthy squirrels running all through her house, so maybe a few dog turds here and there aren’t a big concern for her.

95 responses to “CLOWN ALERT! CLOWN ALERT! CODE CLOWN!”

  1. Sequitur
    November 10th, 2010 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    Josh – Have you been hanging with Baka Gaijin of late?

  2. Aitherion
    November 10th, 2010 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    Wait, when did they get a dog on One Big Happy? Did they decide that one messy, obnoxious, affection-begging thing wandering around the house wasn’t enough, or did they finally put James down?

  3. Mustang
    November 10th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    I love this new world in which Jeff is hot and Mary wears leopard skin print. Bring it on. I can take it. Or I can’t. No I can’t

  4. cooby
    November 10th, 2010 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    A squirrel is kind of a cute idea. ‘cept he’d get hurt. The little dog’s head is cute too.

  5. Neigedens
    November 10th, 2010 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @Aitherion (#2): I was thinking that too! For some reason I thought Willie belonged to their neighbors or something. Either way, he is a little too cute. I am suspicious. :|

  6. Roto13
    November 10th, 2010 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    Apparently Jill physically degenerates when told to piss off. She’s already started to shrivel.

  7. Roto13
    November 10th, 2010 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    I also like that Scott’s lobotomy scar is clearly visible. So that’s how Adrian managed to land a fiance who apparently enjoys the excitement of getting shot at for a living.

  8. Uncle Lumpy
    November 10th, 2010 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth — OK, Jill v. Scott with Mary as ref and Adrian as “prize.” I’m in — just pick up the pace a bit, will ya?

  9. Walker of Dog
    November 10th, 2010 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    As Hammy will tell you, a strip with multiple references to Willie needing some exercise probably has a tin ear when it comes to euphemisms.

  10. cj
    November 10th, 2010 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    Worth:
    Leopard-print clothing – *BARF*

    1 BIG :) :
    “I know how willie can get plenty of exercise right here in the house.”
    Why does a 6 year old girl know this?

  11. BigTed
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    “Scott, my hero! He’s so assertive, and confident, and, er, physically intimidating with women, and, um, easily angered… But at least Mary likes him, so… Hoo-boy, I’ve made a terrible mistake, haven’t I?”

  12. Poor Thompson
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Seeing as how Ziggy exists in “the funnies”, if he says he’s finished with them, this can only mean that he’s giving up, and this clown is his equivalent of Masky McDeath, coming to escort him to the next world.

  13. dyslexic dog
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    At least Ziggy’s clown is breaking down the barriers. He eschews pants, too.

  14. CanuckDownSouth
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @Neigedens (#5): It wasn’t long ago, but they had a week+ of “we’re getting a dog” and the children reacting to the new dog.

  15. Truckasaurus
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Sure it looks bad when the obviously-drunk Scott starts an altercation in the middle of the wedding store, but really, could you go shopping for invitations with Adrian, Jill, and Mary Worth without getting completely hammered first? I thought not.

  16. Taquelli
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    Man, I keep forget that Jill, the over-imposing bridezilla-type, is not the one getting married, but rather Adrian, that blue-haired nothing that kept fuzzing out of my view. Seriously, if it wasn’t for the creepy goblin thing she was doing over Scott’s shoulder, I wouldn’t have noticed her at all.

  17. Poteet
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#Y136): Nope, I was unaware. Thank you!

  18. Poteet
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    @Truckasaurus (#15): I’m not sure I can even think about it without getting hammered first.

  19. NoahSnark
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    It looks like running around without pants finally has gotten Ziggy the attention he deserves.

  20. Poteet
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    MW — Not sure that’s a leopard print. Looks more like mutated jaguar, or possibly mutated giraffe.

  21. Mibbitmaker
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy: That clown looks like he narrowly escaped from an R. Crumb comic. He left before the line shading could be completed, looks like.

  22. Victor Von
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    MW: Looks like Scott got that brain surgery he’d always wanted.

  23. Chowder
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    Forget learning that “exercise” means “poop”. Ruthie needs to learn that if you’re not willing to take something out into sub-zero temperatures to let it defile the neighbor’s begonias, you don’t want it enough to deserve it.

    This knowledge will serve her well later, when she has children of her own who are begging her for a dog. And she’ll flash back to poor Willie, who died of constipation.

  24. Sequitur
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Willie. Don’t leave home without it.

  25. Austria
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    Arch: Looks like Jughead did a report on the vast emptiness of space.

    BC: Ha! It’s funny, cause the wimmins, am I right? Though we all know who’s going to be the one cooking that chicken, and it isn’t Jake.

    FW: There’s a cancerous prostate on Redhead’s computer.

    Luann: Ahh, the eternal dilemma.

    MT: Tell Aldo that the Comics Curmudgeon says “hi,” Frank!

    MW: I’m not sure which is better…everyone’s faces in the first panel, or Adrian’s expression of overwhelming giggliness in the second.

    R=R: Where’s the punchline? I see no punchline. I grow weary of this strip. Stylization can only get you so far.

    Ziggy: When I was a kid, maybe 5 or 6, I used to say that I was afraid of clowns. I said this only because my favorite Rugrats character was Chuckie Finster. Of course, I grew older and ended up being creeped out by clowns for real. The moral of the story is…uh…I don’t know, actually.

    Jeremy’s Parents: QUIT GOING DOWN THIS ROUTE

  26. bats :[
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    What’s the tally for vehicles careening off cliffs?
    * Aldo (naturally!)
    * Mark Trail in his station wagon
    * Frank Johnson in his truck

    Anyone else? Max “the Ax” Malloy was driving like a dick trying to get home, but I don’t think he went airborne.

  27. Sequitur
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#26): Wally Winkerbean.

  28. Neigedens
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    Dude, Mark Trail was amazing today! I love how the deer didn’t even run away after nearly getting run over, just stood there and stone-cold watched Frank plummet to his fiery death. BET YOU’LL THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU GO DEER-KICKING AGAIN, WON’T YOU?

  29. bats :[
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    @Neigedens (#28): hey, Lost Forest really isn’t all that exciting. You have to make your own fun.

  30. dyslexic dog
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:22 am [Reply]

  31. Sequitur
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @dyslexic dog (#30): Yeah. I can agree that Conan O’Brien is a comic strip character.

  32. Rusty
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    OBH: Squirrels are filthy? Who knew?

  33. KarMann
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#26): Beetle Bailey and Sarge, although we usually only see the aftermath.

  34. TheTJ
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    I think this clown, like all of us, is simply wondering when the ziggy strip is getting cancled. Or maybe he’s implying that Ziggy used to be funny, but now it’s seriously gone sour. In any case, this clown is way too interested in Ziggy.

  35. ElkMeadow
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @Mudhead (#y195):

    Flying deer are the worse kind. They can knock out you and your Ford 150 pick=up truck.

  36. tb4000
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    SF: This arc has not ceased to make me laugh yet.

  37. Captain Thunder
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    MW: “When you get married, you can choose the one you like for your wedding!”

    “If”, Scott, not “when”. “If”.

  38. Eric W
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth gets shoved out of panel two by a well-meanin fiancé standing up for the rights of his woman? Aw, HELL to the naw!

  39. Shubal
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    It’s a good thing the artist showed exactly where Jeffs right hand is, otherwise you might misread Jills reaction to the rapier through her soul (of being unmarried thus valueless) and think he just made her a hand puppet right there.

  40. ElkMeadow
    November 11th, 2010 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    Aw, heck. Thursday’s Mark Trail made me blow my cocoa out of my nose. This is so…AUGH! The only thing to make this stupider is if Lucky’s dad gave Mark his tail so he could pull them up like the phonenix did in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

  41. Sgt. Stoned
    November 11th, 2010 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    MW: I dunno…Adrian better keep her eyes on where Scott’s hand is heading.

  42. ElkMeadow
    November 11th, 2010 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    Meddle alert! Mary Worth has found her next target!

    By the way, in the Nov. 5th strip in the comments Mary’s wrinkle across her forehead in the second panel indicates she doesn’t believe in her own platitudes at the moment. Inside she’s screaming, “Paris! I always wanted to go to Paris, but nooo, we couldn’t go; he wanted to just stay home.”

  43. ElkMeadow
    November 11th, 2010 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    The political world of Rex Morgan is about to make a major change, as Stu doesn’t go through with the election or his cancer treatments. Instead, he is walking through heavy traffic while on a cell phone, going “hello, can you hear me now?” on his way to meet Aldo.

  44. bats :[
    November 11th, 2010 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#40): awww, it was cool and you know it! :D

  45. Jeremiah
    November 11th, 2010 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    MT: If I were the narrative-box, I would give Mark Trail a piece of my mind. Tell him to stop being “Captain Obvious” and let me do my fucking job. It’s not like I tell him how to write his shitty little nature articles. Dumb ass. Okay, I’ll admit that I would be a bad narrative-box.

  46. Master Mahan
    November 11th, 2010 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    The clown wants Ziggy’s funnies – or as the rest of us call them, kidneys.

  47. bbofun
    November 11th, 2010 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    If MARY WORTH were anything like an actual soap opera, Jill would soon be attempting to seduce Scott, capture it all on tape, and use it to break up the happy couple. Since it MARY WORTH is, instead, MARY WORTH, nothing even that interesting will happen.

  48. Black Drazon
    November 11th, 2010 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    Jill reeled away from Scott. “No, assertive and dominant males! My one weakness!” Panicking, she ran off into the night and the entire department store cheered. Then, Scott and Adrian finally got married, in the prettiest wedding Charterstone had ever seen.

    Anyways, I’m glad you all stuck with me through this extended Mary Worth fanfic. It’s really hard to bring back characters from old storylines, and to write fanfic in general when you’re a misogynist, and I appreciate that you all… what? King Features is publishing what?

  49. Marion Delgado
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    Like you’ll ever get MARRIED, Jill – which rhymes with “shrill” in case you hadn’t noticed. After our noneymoon at the Bum Boat, we’re moving to Stepford. They say the fall colors are lovely in Stepford this time of year, Jill.

  50. Alison
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    Good! Snark on “One Big Happy”. I hate that strip-the endless puns, the beyond-ignorant brother, the fifty zillion strips revolving around that “Good art by Ruthie” booth, the wishy washy parents, the obviously mentally-unstable grandfather, the trashy Avis, et al. It doesn’t get half the beating it should.

    Re: “Mary Worth.” I get the feeling Jill does not like to be touched. I also get the feeling Adrian just smoked some good shit and is now feeling the effects in a major way.

  51. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    I like how Jill’s cold sore stands out whenever she’s angry or upset!

  52. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail — BURN, BABY, BURN! (All of this shouting is contagious!)

    Pluggers… feed their pets the ground up bones of their enemies! (And seeing a flesh-colored Henrietta Beak chilled me to MY bones!)

  53. Walker of Dog
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    11/11 strips:

    MW: Jill has mastered the movements of Falun Gong, but her attempts to cultivate a centered chi have not been as successful.

    MT: Stupid cliff ledges.

    RMMD: “My prostate is honking – is that normal?”

    Phan: The warden acts angry, but she’s really just hurt that no one has invited her to join Fight Club.

    S-M: Mole Man claims to be “nearly blind” to keep his driver’s license, but if he’s choosing May over MJ, it’s all over.

    Loneliness and sexual confusion one – - radar sense zero!

  54. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean — A befuddled Wally thinks Rachel just offered to go grocery shopping for some cans of Friskies cat food!

    (No, Wally doesn’t own any cats… why do you ask?)

  55. Captain Thunder
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    CLOWN THREAT LEVEL: BOZO

  56. Roman Fingers
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    9CL: There’s a reason he didn’t return the compliment, Edda.

    FC: It’s funny because everyone knows men can’t cook. I guess.

    MT: I’ve never been so disappointed to be able to say “Called it”. But I wonder exactly how Mark managed to get down a 75 degree slope–that’s like mountain goat territory.

    MW: Hmmm, I wonder if Jill has some unexpressed feelings for Officer Bullet-magnet, and that’s why she’s trying to screw up the wedding.

    Zits: And we reach the climax of our tail of “Why Jeremy never got to borrow the car, ever again”.

  57. Jason1981
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    S-M: Lets see….May has to choose between letting Spider-Man save her and MJ….or living away from a nephew who can’t even be bothered to take her INSIDE a hospital when she’s ill.

    Yeah, May’s gonna have a real difficult time deciding.

    Phantom: Stripey-butt’s uniform fetish is getting to be a little creepy.

    Curtis: It’s also why your neighbors hate your whole freakin family, kid.

    FW: After the mention of a “frisky” video, I really DON’T want to know what’s on that list or why he wants it.

    Popeye: What insult could be enough to make that plan work? Oh, I know: Tell her she writes like Michael Patterson and is as smart as Elly Patterson.

  58. Lee
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:10 am [Reply]

    FW: Whoever called the “service dog” storyline coming up has got to be completely right on. However, I don’t think you can just run out and pick one up for someone else along with their groceries…

  59. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft — The irony is that Ed is clutching tiny American flags manufactured in COMMUNIST China!

    Gasoline Alley — Former draft dodgers Rufus and Joel observe Veteran’s Day, but wouldn’t it have made more sense for one of the characters (Walt, Skeezix, etc.) with actual military service to put in an appearance?

  60. Phindin
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    That really is a big clown. Particularly his ankles, which appear to be bigger than his face.

  61. bunivasal
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    Please disregard Scott’s seething comments. He clearly burned himself with his curling iron this morning and is just feeling a little bitchy.

  62. Ubiq
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    Take a seat, Z-zuh-zuh-Zigggy boy! Not this end of the bench, it’s taken. Sorry.

  63. Uncle Lumpy
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean — OK, Wally: your girlfriend (face it) wants to rent a porno and get it on. This is not your big chance to stock up on Doritos®.

  64. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:35 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft (2nd L@@K) — Why are Lena and this bus driver working on Veteran’s Day, anyway?

    Mother Goose & Grimm — Ralph is eating at faith healer Oral Roberts’ new restaurant… “golden cORAL”! (Ducks and runs away)

  65. heavylifting
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    FW: Let me guess. That note that Becky slipped Rachel a few days ago regarding Wally was probably a list of Wally’s favorite porn flicks, which is why Rachel is heading out to pick up “something frisky.” She goes out to rent “Backdoor Sluts 9″ and also picks up a copy of “Lord of the Rings” for her young son, not aware that a traveling salesman from South Park, Colorado by the name of Randy Marsh had been in town last night and rented both to enjoy in his room at EconoLodge. Rachel is, of course, also unaware that the video store clerk neglected to check the packaging and note that Mr. Marsh mistakenly placed BS9 in the LOTR box and vice-versa. Rachel rents both and innocuously leaves them on the front seat of her car when she stops at the supermarket to pick up the items requested by Wally.

    Along comes Cory Winkerbean, who sees the videos in Rachel’s car and proceeds to break into her car and relieve her of both. When he gets home, his mother asks him what he has in his hands and he holds out LOTR. In stumbles Summer Moore, grumbling about that bastard of a father of hers, who will kill her if she doesn’t hand in her book report tomorrow on – drum roll, please – Lord of the Rings, even though the teacher isn’t Les Moore. Cory’s mother snatches (did you see what I just did?) the LOTR box out of Cory’s hand and gives Summer a conspiratorial “just between us girls” wink, along with the LOTR box, and tells her to take it home, watch it, write up her report and take its message to heart. Besides, the King of Smirk is out doing a book signing in some bowling alley somewhere and won’t be home until much later.

    So, long story short, Summer watches what she thinks is Lord of the Rings (of which her father had spoken so highly as literature), turns into the school slut in an effort to please him, never writes her report, drops out of school and is uncomprehendingly referred to by wiseacre Cory as “Butters.” Hilarity ensues.

    Becky’s mom gets into the act and tries to implicate Comics John, Becky’s now husband (remember pre-2nd jump when she went all Salem Witch Trials on him because of a racy magazine found on one of his shelves?); Apple Annie tells Summer, “You’re dad might be a quote whore, but you’re the real thing, honey” and suggests places she can ply her new trade in NYC, because if she can make it there, well . . . ; the oblivious King of Smirk takes on the Hollywood establishment and testifies before Congress about how even a “family” picture like LOTR led his daughter into a life of debauchery, followed, of course, by the requisite book, book tour and overwhelmingly salutary response by the media and all manner of females under the age of 35; Cory Winkerbean gives his mom a tongue lashing because he couldn’t get off to LOTR and has now gone 3 days without masturbating; and Randy Marsh returns to home and hearth with precancerous lesions in his groin area.

    Finally, in a wry aside to bid this story arc adieu, Crazy Harry says amid a cluster of cancer revelers gathered at Montoni’s that none of this would have happened had Rachel simply been willing to wait a day and have the USPS deliver BS9 via NetFlix.

  66. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    DtM — Mr. Wilson comes out of the closet… and it’s about time!

    Edge City — Why is Len dressed like an extra from “Papillon”? (And the idea of this character with a gun is scarier than a flesh-colored Henrietta Beak!)

  67. heavylifting
    November 11th, 2010 at 3:55 am [Reply]

    MW: Of course Scott doesn’t want to leave town for a honeymoon. How’s a true metrosexual to know where to get a good manicure (and probably pedicure, for all we know) in some foreign country or even foreign county?

  68. heavylifting
    November 11th, 2010 at 4:16 am [Reply]

    Oh, I forgot the true tragedy to the story I posited in # 65. Summer comes down with colon cancer, naturally (or cancer of the anus if there is such a thing). Les, who is now up to his goatee in women, takes up the cause of women in the “motor trade” and allies himself with some sleazeball lawyer recommended by Apple Annie, who files a class action suit on behalf of prostitutes, with all American men named as defendants. The whores prevail in court and St. Les (the oblivious douchebag!) writes a book called “Summer’s Eve” to help defray his portion of the judgment rendered against him as an American male. [Cayla, incidentally, is served with papers, too, the process server mistaking her mustache as evidence that she's a man. That got played out in her own strip, where she moves to a high-rise on Manhattan's Upper East Side; you know, "Fish don't fry in the kitchen, beans don't burn on the grill, took a whole lot of tryin' just to get up that hill"]. Les goes out to do a book tour and gets stoned — I don’t mean Mendocino County stoned, I mean the kind of stoned you get in Tehran or Kandahar — and has to move to the Yukon, where he’s incredulous that nobody there has ever heard of Lisa Moore, Les Moore or Summer Moore.

    Finally, in one of those “small world” coinkydinks, Crazy Harry appears one day, delivering Les’ Netflix order of Back Door Sluts 39. Seems CH fled the States to skip out on his financial obligations from the settlement. He then tries to “stone” Les with snowballs.

  69. Mark
    November 11th, 2010 at 4:29 am [Reply]

    MT: I love how Mark thinks that pulling a lifeless, ripped-apart torso from a burning car counts as saving it. This is basically a Nam film now, complete with a deer as the woman with the explosive thatch hat.

  70. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 11th, 2010 at 4:47 am [Reply]

    Thursday

    A3G— Iris is fascinated by the products at Dildos “R” Us.

    MT— Rats! I was in the mood for a roasted Frank.

  71. Polliwog
    November 11th, 2010 at 5:18 am [Reply]

    “I know how Willie can get plenty of exercise right here in the house.”

    That’s what SHE said!

    (Seriously, how is “I know how Willie can get plenty of exercise right here in the house” a line from an innocuous family comic rather than a cheesy 70s porno? I can practically hear the soundtrack making “bow chicka bow wow” noises. Or maybe that’s just the sound the dog makes when he needs to go outside.)

  72. Mr. O'Malley
    November 11th, 2010 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    A-3G: Another shopaholic storyline? Say, did Bonnie’s husband ever come back?

    MT: Frank’s truck got hung up about 20 feet down the cliff and naturally burst into flames right away. I never knew the Ford Pinto had a pickup version.

  73. Mr. O'Malley
    November 11th, 2010 at 5:42 am [Reply]

    @heavylifting (#67): Oh, I bet there are places in the greater Los Angeles area where a man could get a good pedicure!

  74. jnik
    November 11th, 2010 at 5:50 am [Reply]

    MT:
    Mark has a CELL PHONE??? And he calls 911?????

    Did he just buy it, or has he always been able to call REAL law enforcement to deal with illegal activities but didn’t because it was too much fun to use his own fist o’justice?

  75. Patrick
    November 11th, 2010 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    That is the most brutalist, soviet-looking stationery store I’ve ever seen, with row upon row of outwardly-faced individual pieces of off-pink or yellowish paper on display. “Easily forgettable” is probably being optimistic about the kind of design one can get for wedding invitations there.

  76. Zaratustra
    November 11th, 2010 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    Scott looks less “angry” and more “hey, did Spider-Man just go past that window behind you?”

  77. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    November 11th, 2010 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Panel 1 of Today’s Mary Worth looks like it could be a screen grab from the Sims. Given the strip’s utter lack of understanding of how humans actually behave, I’m willing to bet that it’s also (like Archie) written by a machine. Is Mary Worth a step towards the singularity? When the machines rise, will they make us eat salmon squares?

  78. KarMann
    November 11th, 2010 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    @Les of the Jungle Patrol (#77): Off by one word. They will make us the salmon squares.

  79. KarMann
    November 11th, 2010 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    11/11 Rubes: Here it is, the moment I’ve been living for: Horse and cow, work them like a claw! And call me Randy.

  80. Pozzo
    November 11th, 2010 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    “Why would you want an easily forgettable design? Why not be like Mary, whose top will be haunting my dreams for months to come and may cause me to seek solace in therapy or alcohol?”

  81. mojo
    November 11th, 2010 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh, my! Jill has been engaged in a two-day flinch now at the very TOUCH of someone with a Y chromosome! Tell me, people: is there anything sadder than The Snark Who Cannot Love?

  82. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 11th, 2010 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    FC: Haha! It’s funny ’cause kids are assholes!

    SM: Just one warning, girls: Don’t eat the pomegranate seeds.

    MW: Scott, you’re a cop. You have a gun. Use it.

    A3G: “Showroom”? Is Iris going to buy Tommie a car?

    Zits: Little-known fact: Orthodontists are among the few modern-day workers whose day is determined by the rising and the setting of the sun.

    JP: It’s nice that the Parkers can even delegate their thanking obligations.

    MT: See, Mark, you were wrong: You may get another opportunity to punch Frank Johnson. Just waiting until he cools off a bit, though—don’t want to singe your punchin’ fist.

  83. gleeb
    November 11th, 2010 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Beetle: Well, it was well worth getting all the Veteran’s Day stuff out of the way last Sunday for this.

    ‘shaft: See, this is much worse than yet another gag about how Zero isn’t very bright. Actually, to give the strip is due, his is both classy and in character.

    Dick: Are these the real homeless, or the g-men-disguised-as-homeless?

    The Mayor’s Prostate: Every passing motorist shows solidarity with Stu my honking wildly. I pity his electoral opponent.

    Zip: Trenchant political satire!

  84. CanuckDownSouth
    November 11th, 2010 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Total Fail Thursday:

    Phantom has the world’s stupidest prison admin. Ho hum – somebody punched out a guard last night. Inside. Intruders can get in, we don’t know how or why yet, but surely it would be overreacting to do a security sweep and background recheck on all guards while keeping the prisoners in lockdown…

    Zits shows the usual no-plan, no-consequences approach which has worked sooo well for them before.

    I mean – seriously? We didn’t drive to school, but if some activity or appointment pickup / dropoff arrangement were being made in my family, there would have been definite plans and consequences for not showing up. Heck, there would have been plans *beforehand* for car-trouble days, most likely involving a bus schedule.

    And H&J, I’d pay more attention to replacement cost of an equivalently functional vehicle than official blue book value…

  85. Bryan
    November 11th, 2010 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Seriously, how has Scott’s “Hair Part of Doom” avoided comment? I’m guessing that either the inch wide swath of hairless skin is left from a bullet grazing off his rock-like cranium or else it’s shaved as part of a police hazing stunt almost as lame as the MW police dept.

  86. Crankenstank
    November 11th, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    The clown in Ziggy makes me think of John Wayne Gacy. Come to think of it, a one-panel comic based on serial killers is one of the many, many premises that would be funnier than Ziggy.

  87. sully
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    The ‘Funnies’?

    I have literally not read a funny newspaper comic strip in decades. I remember actually chuckling at an “Ernie” cartoon (before the name changed to ‘Piranha Club’. It was probably about 1990. I recall it well, because it was the last time. Why do I keep reading them? Hope springs eternal, I guess.

  88. Paul Curtin
    November 11th, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Wait,
    Could this be deeper than it seems?
    Could this be the funny paper version of the grim reaper?
    nah!

  89. greghousesgf
    November 11th, 2010 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    why does ANYONE think clowns are funny? they’re not, they’re just not! they are extremely CREEPY!

  90. dale
    November 11th, 2010 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    Clowns aren’t inherently funny. The things they do are supposed to be funny. If a clown hits someone in the face with a pie, you know you’re supposed to laugh. If the pie thrower wears a three-piece suit, you might not think it funny.

    Did that make sense? I’m really starting to dislike clowns.

  91. Katey
    November 12th, 2010 at 3:49 am [Reply]

    I think it’s obvious that Ziggy is “finished with the funnies” when this is all his writers can come up with.

  92. Just some guy
    November 12th, 2010 at 4:59 am [Reply]

    Look carefully at the clown… I believe he is also… NOT WEARING PANTS!!!

  93. PunsKillPeople
    November 12th, 2010 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Holy fucking hell, look at Jill’s face in panel two! She’s not even human, she’s some kind of terrifying basilisk creature.

  94. Al Ewing
    November 12th, 2010 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    #93 – I’d make a face like a basilisk too if Scott touched me with his tiny, withered, shrunken doll-hand, with its creepy extra vestigial finger.

    Meanwhile, Willie needs his ‘exercise’. I know how Willie can get plenty of exercise right here in the house – by being a common playground slang term for ‘penis’.

  95. McMarbles
    November 18th, 2010 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    “It’s okay, Ziggy. The funnies float. We all float down here, Ziggy.”

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