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Saturday quickies

Apartment 3-G, 12/18/10

I fear that, in the wake of the makeover storyline, the breach between writer and artist of Apartment 3-G is now total, and now visuals that are crucial to the storyline are being neglected out of spite. “The first time I saw this building it gave me chills. You know, this building behind us that you can barely see, and what you can see of it is completely ordinary.”

Mary Worth, 12/18/10

“Waiting-at-the-altar Jill Action Figure” just rocketed to the top of my list of Christmas Presents I Really Want Even Though They Sadly Don’t Exist And Never Will. But my favorite person in panel two is the guy sitting in the front row there ostentatiously looking at his watch. The tails and striped pants would seem to indicate that he’s in the wedding party, which makes it all the more hilarious that his body language screams “Is this guy showing up or what? Because, you know, I’ve got places to be…”

76 responses to “Saturday quickies”

  1. Jamus The Bartender
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: Oh dear…he IS looking at his watch, isn’t he? Yeah, that hurts….

  2. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:47 pm [Reply]


    H&J: I don’t know if this has been raised before, and it’s not very funny, but why does Herb on Sunday bear no resemblance to Herb during the week?

    H&L: “Wait a minute. Do I actually know the word ‘memorabilia’? How long have I been a baby, anyway?”

    MW: “Now dear, you can’t expect us all to be losers. Paper towel for your frozen spinster tears?”

    DtM: And unfortunate wording to you too, Mr. Mitchell!

    SFx: The great criminal detective is stooping pretty low. It’s his job to get deadbeats evicted at Christmas now? What is it he wants? For Cassandra to get kicked out, so she has no place to stay all winter except…
    Oh, I get it now.

  3. But What Do I Know?
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    MW–That’s all? That’s the best you can do, Jill Haversham. That guy-didn’t-show-up-at-the-altar-so-now-I-hate-everyone thing is so-o-o-o-o hackneyed.

  4. K. Ivan Ruppert
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Wait. WHY does Bridal Jill look exactly like a young Mary Worth? Is Mary secretly a time-traveler sent back in time to fix all the mistakes in her ill-spent life?

    Actually, that makes a lot of sense. She just went through and collected a bunch of other people’s regrets while she was at it so she could fix them too.

  5. Black Drazon
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    If Jill had just opened her eyes, she’d have realized that the Untouchable Goodness of Marriage was lighting her up like a foglamp. Either way it’s a good thing she had it, because she’ll need it to find the exit from that black and white photo of the 50′s.

  6. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    Dick – “(Gosh-darn annoying backseat murderers!)”

    1Big – The strip itself is actually kind of a cliché (and I don’t say that often about this title), but that splash panel rules, all by itself.

    Chronicle Comics – They won’t accept repeatedly clicking the button, and they won’t take “screw you” for a capcha. So screw them and their comics. Okay, except Sally Forth.

    (Interestingly, they don’t accept correct answers either, so I guess they’re sending me a message: “Newspapers are dying. Why bother trying?” Sorry, Ces.)

    Mary (Sat) – Hey, the guy looking at his watch… that’s the groom!

    Before I forget – Merry Christmas, gang! Here’s my card. There’s a picture of me on it, though I only had the moustache while I was doing Carousel last year. I think I already linked to my Christmas tree, and since it’s that time of year and all, here’s my own classic holiday special, which I seem to recall writing about fifteen years ago:


    Freddy the Snowman
    With his scarf of red and green
    Didn’t look too spry, but my oh my
    What a stone-cold death machine!

    Freddy the Snowman
    Got most everyone but me
    With his eyes of coal and his evil soul
    On his chilly killing spree.

    There must have been a curse upon
    That rusty kitchen knife;
    When Suzy put it in his hand,
    The snowman took her life! Oh –

    Freddy the Snowman
    Was a child molester too,
    And I heard him say, being dragged away,
    “I’ll be back next year for you!”

    (Hackity hack hack, hackity hack hack,
    Hacking hard and deep;
    Stabbity stab stab, stabbity stab stab,
    Kills you in your sleep!)

    [ttto: Frosty the Snowman. New words ©2010 by Kip Williams]

    Happy Happy, everybody! Joy Joy!

  7. Jamus The Bartender
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    Tales Of Goldberg’s/ The Cat And The Curmudgeon
    The Holidays In Averytown
    Thanksgiving, 2010

    So….G. Arbuckle, my generous benefactor, the tabby cat who hates Mondays, and foster father of Cassandra Cat sent me and the baby some plane tickets to come visit them on Thanksgiving.
    Honestly, I hadn’t seen Cassandra since “the incident” with Max and Melody Mouse in which Cass was trying to give up the coke , knocked Max across the room into a wall, and got beat up by Melody ….honestly it sounds worse than it really was…
    No, I guess it actually doesn’t.
    Anyway, it was just me and Ennie for a few months…and suprisingly enough, with the help of friends and neighbors, we were doing just fine. Gertie was knocking herself out with the nanny duties, and Ennie had a new grandpa in Walt Wallet. Ashley Bengal and Maureen Fox were VERY helpful with helping run the bar and were there for emotional support….even Dick Tracy was a suprisingly effective babysitter. I only had to tell him to put his gun away ONCE. And, no, it’s not what you think. Dick really meant well, he was showing the baby how to adjust the sight on a .357 Mag. But she’s too young for that sort of thing.
    But we both missed Cassandra.
    We flew up to Anchorage, and, yes, we got the “full body” pat down from a very apologetic airline security worker who redeemed himself by telling me that Ennie was the cutest baby he’d ever seen and didn’t once mention the whiskers and kitteh nose.
    We were met at the airport by Odie, who was Mr. Arbuckle’s personal assistant slash chauffer, who shook my hand, and quickly drove us to Arbuckle’s Anchorage mansion.
    “Xanadu Anchorage” , I called it.
    We met with Arbuckle, who quickly took his granddaughter into a new playroom he’d had built just for her. He contracted John Patterson (who was at loose ends ever since FOOB went into reruns ) to build a ridable toy train that was incorporated in the playroom and ran throughout the house. It had six cars, one of them a dining car.
    I felt good getting Ennie a “Tickle Me Elmo” for Christmas.
    Odie took me up to see Cassandra. It wasn’t pretty. I mean, she looked good, her caretakers were taking good care of her…but all she did was stare into space, at nothing in particular.
    I took her hand…she didn’t even bat an eye.
    Damn, I thought.
    Damn, damn, damn.
    One of the nurses was bringing her dinner in. She could and did respond to some smells….she needed help eating. The nurse was very helpful in showing me how to use the fork and not poke her cheek. I felt like shit for thinking, well, i’ve got two babies now…
    ” Hey, Cass…’re looking good. ” I said to her as I fed her what looked to be some kind of tapioca pudding. ” I see you’re catching up with your fish-eyes in glue.”
    Yeah, it was funnier when Dennis Mitchell said it.
    “Ennie’s doing okay…..G will bring her up in a minute….you should see her, she looks great, she’s growing like a weed….open up now…”
    I got a spoonful of pudding in. Day by day…
    ” Listen, babygirl…..I talked to the doctors, they say there’s nothing wrong with you physically. They say the problem’s all mental. Which was a relief to hear, and it wasn’t, if you know what I mean. They want me to keep talking to you, hoping it’ll bring you back. ”
    “So…here’s the thing. Yeah, you knocked Max across the room, but he’s doing okay….he keeps asking after you, and so does Slylock. Even Dick misses having his wallet stolen..” I said with a small laugh.
    ” Yeah…Melody, not so much, but what can ya do….Maureen misses you, and so does Ashley…no, really, she does. ”
    “And I miss you too, babygirl.”
    “So…” I said, feeding her another spoonful of tapioca, ” You’ve gotta knock off this coma crap…that’s just all there is to it.”
    I kept feeding her, and had trouble seeing her through eyes welling with tears. ” Okay..?”

  8. Married Agnostic Woman
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Dad got up one minute after the ceremony was supposed to start, muttered something about having to get back to work, and left the church. We found him later at the bar.

    “Well, he was a bartender!”

  9. whozitwhatzit
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    I forget who here said they imagine the characters of A3G speaking in the robotic xtranormal voices but since I started doing that, my enjoyment of the filler strips has increased immensely. I thank you, kind stranger on the Internet.

  10. Edgy DC
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    That image of Jill stranded at the altar just confirms my suspicion that Jill isn’t a real person at all, but a phantasmagoric projection from Mary’s subconsicous, reliving the trauma that shaped her life. Oh, Mary tried to cope all these years by sewing other lives together nicely where hers had been rent, but she couldn’t keep that wounded young woman at bay forever, and so “Jill” comes screaming out of the psyche.

    Not a bad lifestyle: your superego lives a life of control and manipulation while your id tears through the world getting sauced and bitching people out. But it’s a balance the Despot of Charterstone can only maintain for so long before going completely over the edge. Say hello to Aldo for me, Mary.

  11. Dagger
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    It looks more like he’s elbowing his wife, who isn’t too happy about it. He’s probably gloating, “See, I TOLD you he would realize she’s a crazy drunk. You owe me $20.”

  12. Poteet
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    MW — I don’t know why Jill was loudly bitching about Adrian’s wedding dress not being hip and modern enough. Her own wedding dress seems to be a leftover from 1978. And those wilting bachelor’s buttons atop her headdress don’t help.

  13. BigTed
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Given that he’s wearing black while just about everyone else in the church is dressed all in white, I think that guy’s some kind of magic relationship undertaker. “And this one’s over in three… two… one.”

  14. Edgy DC
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    By the way, how about that fucking Mary Worth? Can nobody from Santa Fucking Royale even summon up a black person from memory to stick in a flashback crowd shot?

  15. Twinkles the Elf
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    You know, “left at the altar” is just an expression. Normally when a groom doesn’t show up, the bride is left milling around backstage in whatever passes for a dressing room. But Jill seems to have walked down the aisle on spec, and is now standing there at the front of the church embarrassing the hell out of everybody. I picture a lengthening silence… a titter or two… and then everybody thinks, oh, what the hell, how about them Steelers?

  16. Jamus The Bartender
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    Tales Of Goldberg’s
    An Averytown Christmas Story
    Part 1
    Alice Mitchell was seated in the living room, wrapping any presents that didn’t have “To Dennis” written on the tags…it was the same thing every year….Alice and Henry had to hide the presents at George Wilson’s, drag them back to the house at 1 am, have them wrapped by two, get four hours of sleep before Dennis ran through the house screaming “It’s Christmas !!! Get up you lazybones.”
    Henry had some news, however, that took the edge off the yearly Yuletide ledgermain.
    (It means “sleight of hand” . Look it up.)
    ” ALICE….Alice, whereinhellareya….oh, there you are….”And, he produced three tickets to THE premiere event of the Averytown Holiday Season.
    Alice’s eyes widened and she threw herself into Henry’s arms. “OH. MY. GOD. How DID you get those tickets?”
    “Well, m’dear, ” Henry said lighting his pipe, “I tell ya, I did some things I NEVER thought i’d have to do, and hope to never do again…”
    ” Juuust kidding dear. The boss gave them to me, there’s only a handful left in town available and WE ARE FRONT ROW CENTER AT AVERYTOWN EPISOCOPAL’S READING OF THE CHRISTMAS STORY !! DENNIS, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE !!”
    Dennis peeked around the doorframe. ” What did I do now?” he asked. It was a common question in the Mitchell household.
    ” Nothing son….come December 24th, we’re going to CHURCH!”
    “CHURCH?? Aww…do we HAFTA??”
    Henry’s neck went all red. “YES you HAFTA…er…you have to.”
    Alice stepped in. ” Dennis…we’re going to Averytown Episcopalean to hear Pastor Linus read the Christmas Story.”
    Dennis’ eyes widened. “HOLY SHIT DAD….You didn’t say we were going to THAT church….WHO DID YOU HAVE TO BLOW TO GET THOSE TICKETS??”
    Dennis spent the rest of the night in the corner.
    I should explain….while other communities naturally had churches and places of worship where they would go at Christmas if at no other time, only Averytown Episcopalean could boast of standing room only whenever Reverend Linus Van Pelt read the Christmas Story from the Gospel Of Luke, dressed the same way he did when he was a child in A Charlie Brown Christmas Special.
    Tickets were free, of course, but Rev. Van Pelt did ask for a twenty dollar minimum donation for the orphanage.
    Dressed in a blue tassled wool hat, a red winter jacket, carrying what looked like a security blanket, The Reverend Linus Van Pelt walked in front of the altar up to the microphone, said, “Lights, please” , and it was showtime.
    “….and there were , in that same country sheperds, abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night, and lo, the angel of The Lord came upon them. The Glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid….and the angel said unto them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be known to all people….”
    Linus took a sip of water and continued…
    ” For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a saviour, which is Christ the Lord…”
    A voice sounded from the back, “Sorry, Pastor, we’re getting some feedback here, it’ll just take a minute to square away..”
    Linus nodded, ” Darn…okay, Sparky, take care of it now…this has to be just right for the 24th”
    To Be Continued

  17. Amateur
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: You would take Waiting-at-the-altar Jill Action Figure over Drunken Insult-Spewing Jill Action Figure?? Say it ain’t so, Josh!

  18. Another Kiwi
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    MW:He’s the hired actor to make up numbers. He would otherwise, glance at his watch with his hands in his lap. Jill does a great job of pretending that her husband-to-be hasn’t run screaming at the sight of the mauve flowers.
    A3G; “That building always gave me chills, then I realized that it was the old Influenza Ward for the Hospital and it all made sense, bad air conditioning!”

  19. anty a
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: Dumb. A bride never actually stands at the altar waiting, does she? I would think that the fact that there was no groom in attendance would have made itself apparent before her father walked her down the aisle. I know it’s just a visual cliche used to capture the event….a frowning, humiliated bride standing there like an idiot while everyone stares at her. But really. Dumb.

  20. HookedOnBass
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    MW- Glad to see that the wedding planner helped ease the awkwardness by cutting the lights and plunging the church into darkness, leaving the restless guests nowhere to look except at the illuminated figure of the pathetic, jilted bride captured in a spotlight o’ shame.
    Yeah, can’t see why Jill would still be bitter about that.

  21. David Schraub
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    I think one reason why everyone in Mary Worth tolerates her meddling is that the alternative modes of “friendship” are so much worse. Adrian, for example, presumably knows that her best friend Jill was left at the altar. So what could possibly mend that wound like getting a starring role on the periphery of her own wedding day?

  22. Peter
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    The author of one of the online comics I read has figurines made of his characters. He’s currently preparing a new one. Maybe you could use that to make a “Waiting-at-the-altar Jill Action Figure”?

  23. Backup
    December 19th, 2010 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Places to be, bridesmaids to bang…

  24. Sheila Sternwell
    December 19th, 2010 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: The entire background is a riot. Watch Guy has his elbow in his wife’s face, and she’s giving him the Cut It The Fuck Out, Roger look. Meanwhile, the kid on the end of the pew is looking back toward the doors, trying to plan the quickest route away from Jill before she explodes. Her left eye is already twisting into full blown Rage Face.

  25. Digger
    December 19th, 2010 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: Someone really should have told Jill not to walk down the aisle if her groom wasn’t there. She must have looked like quite a tool walking up there towards nobody.

  26. TheGatwickView
    December 19th, 2010 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    Dad is practicing his “JFK” for the one-man play, “Dealey Plaza”.

  27. Dono
    December 19th, 2010 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    Why the hell does the guy in the tux have to raise his elbow so high anyway? Is he waiting for his watch to slide down his arm?

  28. AndyL
    December 19th, 2010 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    I love imagining an ongoing feud between the A3G writer and artist. “Ok, Fine! I’ll look up what Albert Pinkham Ryder looks like, but I’m not even going to try to imitate his style!”
    “You know I can’t draw a grand piano! What if I sort of draw a couple of white and black rectangles in the corner of a panel? Would that get you to lay off this piano thing?!?”
    Meanwhile the writer starts writing stories involving more and more ridiculous visuals, volcanoes, circuses, the great barrier reef, etc. Or even just any of the many visually recognizable landmarks in New York City.

  29. JudoThrowToy
    December 19th, 2010 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “And suddenly I knew what I wanted to do with my life . . . grope at shabbily dressed middle-aged women.”

  30. Moebius
    December 19th, 2010 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: Clearly the groom got the hell out of there after Jill walked down the aisle eminating more radioactivity than Dr. Manhatten……

  31. heynoni
    December 19th, 2010 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    MARY WORTH: That guy in the front row isn’t looking at his watch. As his long-suffering wife beside him has just realised, the idiot has once again had a dressing-related accident, resulting in typical cufflink/bowtie entanglement.

  32. NoahSnark
    December 20th, 2010 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    Way to go Trey – nothing impresses ladies more than stories about the feelings you discovered before you hit puberty.

  33. cheech wizard
    December 20th, 2010 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    MW – See, this is an prime example of the failure of the American educational system. Jill’s been railing against marriage, when the real cause of her anger is weddings, which are not the same thing. I’m sure her English teachers are appalled.

  34. Zach
    December 20th, 2010 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    See, for some reason that makes me want a Mary Worth video game. I see it like Phoenix Wright, where you’ve got to listen to people and find the right moments in their stories to step in and meddle until you’ve worn their defenses down.

  35. miaanalisa
    December 20th, 2010 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    I don’t think that guy is checking his watch; he appears to be contemplating eating his own arm, anything to escape from the radioactive patheticness radiating off of jilted Jill.

  36. cj
    December 20th, 2010 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Why is Jill remembering Mary’s wedding?

    So, known cheater John Edwards is getting the moves made on him by a redheaded known moron Sarah Palin? I don’t know what’s more disturbing – that scene or the disjointed conversation.

  37. exova
    December 20th, 2010 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    A3G: Well, the blatant sex-eyes Iris is giving Yet Another Guy In A Blue Jacket are sure as hell giving ME chills. The kind that follow violent regurgitation.

    MW: Who would have guessed that Jill had a traumatic wedding-related experience? Not I. Mind = blown.

  38. Trilobite
    December 20th, 2010 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    “Oh crap, the groom didn’t show. Oh man, this is bad. Okay, I gotta think…everyone’s staring at Jill, that’s not good, I gotta get everyone’s attention off of her. Rally the crowd, cheer ‘em up, get everyone happy again. I know! I’ll do the Batusi! Everyone loves that!”

    And with that decision, that guy officially became the Worst Groomsman EVER.

  39. hcv
    December 20th, 2010 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    I was going to make much the same comment several others have: you don’t really wait at the altar if the groom never showed up at the church.

    …but then I realized: we’re talking about Jill.

    “He’s not here? He’s NOT HERE? No, no one’s leaving! Get back in those pews! *@^%$#! it, we’re going live! Play the processional! PLAY IT NOW!

  40. JD
    December 20th, 2010 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    MW: I *knew* it. The angry feminist is was a jilted bride. This week Mary will learn how lesbians are made and then figure out how to turn this bitter, single woman back toward men.

  41. Snuggs
    December 20th, 2010 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    And after that fateful day, Jill swore to don that wedding dress to wage a relentless war on all cold-footed grooms, as The Bioluminescent Bride!

  42. AndyL
    December 20th, 2010 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    Literally waiting at the altar for the groom is a bit unusual, but I still say it was a bad idea to turn the spot lights on her while she waited.

  43. Bill Murray
    December 20th, 2010 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    MW: Jill was trying to have a “Modern” wedding, with her at the altar and the groom to be walked up the aisle by his mother, so the real trouble here is modernism, and we all know Mary Worth invented post-modernism.

    Also, i think tuxedo guy is elbowing his wife to keep her away from the marijuana he grows on his knees

  44. Jym Dyer
    December 20th, 2010 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    =v= A3G: There may be a rift between artist and writer, but I’m pretty sure that Aunt Iris and Margaret Shulock are pretty much the same person.

  45. timmy the dying boy
    December 20th, 2010 at 3:07 am [Reply]

    FW: The plane has crashed! The plane has crashed! Probably into a cancer clinic!
    This is too good to be true!!!

  46. Girl Reporter
    December 20th, 2010 at 3:27 am [Reply]

    @Twinkles the Elf (#15):

    …walked down the aisle on spec…

    Holy moly! I am sooooooooo stealing that!

  47. bunivasal
    December 20th, 2010 at 5:02 am [Reply]

    Checking-his-watch guy actually looks like he’s adjusting a tiny microphone. “Alright” he whispers into his cufflink “She looks pretty miserable now. Take the shot!”

  48. jamoche
    December 20th, 2010 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#6):

    After two rounds of entering things that aren’t the answer on the Chron ad-captchas, I get “The text you entered was incorrect. Please try again. Click here to proceed to your comic.”

  49. Big Al
    December 20th, 2010 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    @Trilobite (#38):
    Trilobite is right. No way that guy is sitting down. He’s clearly dancing. Now I really feel sorry for Jill. Not only did she get left at the altar, she had planned what was probably the most elaborate wedding ceremony of the year, complete with the traditional extra “dancing monkey” groomsman.

    Dance monkey, dance. If you dance, the lady next to you will let you have a piece of that pizza on her lap.

  50. Anonymous
    December 20th, 2010 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Just can’t resist this probable thread-killer to reply to the hilarious wedding-party scenarios presented already above. As a church organist who stopped counting ceremonies at about 300 some years ago, here’s my interpretation. Since Jill’s in the aisle, that’s the groom’s family’s pew. Therefore the ostentatious watch-ogler I believe to be his stepfather. The woman is his birth mother and she’ll chew her partner’s ass out that night on the way home for exhibiting the manners of a baboon. The big-boned gal second in from the aisle is Jill’s older sister, dismayed that Jill didn’t listen when she tried to tell her about men. And the teenager is Jill’s stepbrother, who wants nothing more than to bolt to the parking lot for a couple bong hits.

    By the way, I’ve seen that particular bridal facies on many an occasion and it usually results from post-rehearsal-party malaise and too early an afternoon wedding. Prognosticating backwards from Jill’s shivaree at Adrian’s rehearsal party, it’s not hard to imagine what might have prompted Jill’s fiance to skedaddle back in the day.

  51. Jessy
    December 20th, 2010 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    And now, Jill, we understand that you did have Adrian’s best interests at heart when you mocked her choice of wedding dress. Because if a bride shows up at the altar in, say, a scallop-necked, pouf-sleeved, bell-skirted number that is so big in the arms that the fabric literally drapes at the armpits and elbows and hangs at the wrists, well, that bride just gets herself left at the altar, doesn’t she?

  52. Patrick
    December 20th, 2010 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    I see that Jill and Mary are enjoying a cup of coffee at the Narrow Table Cafe, where there isn’t room for a plate, but your knees will always touch.

  53. Paul R
    December 20th, 2010 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    If I were Jill, I wouldn’t be so bitter. She seems to be aging in reverse, since at her years-ago wedding she looked like an old maid. But the race of time has turned in her favor, leaving her the lovely, adorable, abusive alcoholic we see before us today. Unfortunately, a few minutes more with Mary will quickly restore her worry lines and spinster hair.

    I also wouldn’t be too upset if my wedding embarrassment was limited to people filling five short rows of pews. Looks like about 24 people attended. Nice touch that the impatient watch-watcher has an equally impatient matching-outfit boy on the aisle who seems the only one curious why god has come to the church and is walking down the aisle to tell Jill she’ll always be unloved.

  54. MarkTwail
    December 20th, 2010 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @K. Ivan Ruppert (#4): Yes, she looks exactly like a young Mary Worth. Maybe the whole thing is an eggnog-induced flashback of Mary’s as she lies in a padded cell somewhere. Unlike Miss Havisham, she’s finally facing her own past, so all’s good.

  55. Anonymous
    December 20th, 2010 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    not tails, it’s a cutaway

    December 20th, 2010 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    3AG: Trey was filled with the desire, the need to design the most generic buildings ever.

  57. bbug
    December 20th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    I am hoping for some Jill-based merch…a waiting at the altar tshirt, or maybe a “here in the gutter where I belong” one.

  58. Joe Blevins
    December 20th, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Haw, haw! Looks like she was Jill-ted! Get it?

  59. Joe Blevins
    December 20th, 2010 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Love that jacket, Iris. Is it felt? No? Well, it is now!” Haw, haw! Igottamillionofem!

  60. HappyThoughtIndeed
    December 20th, 2010 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    OH! I get it! “Jill” as in “Jilted!” I’ll bet her fiance’s name was Ted! How much you wanna bet…”Jill – Ted”. I love Mary Worth! It feeds me intellectually.

  61. Charles
    December 20th, 2010 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    I have never seen a more awkward looking pose as the guy checking his watch. I don’t think you could botch that quite so badly. It looks more as if he’s checking the stain on his sleeve that his sneeze just left, or is licking salt off the back of his hand from doing tequila shots.

    I’m also amazed that no one’s commented on Trey’s bad-touch in panel two. BAD TOUCH.

  62. Mustang
    December 20th, 2010 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G – I swear I have no idea what’s been going on in this strip, so when I saw this I wondered what this guy was talking about. With only the information at hand, I concluded he suddenly knew he wanted to be a librarian.

  63. Alison
    December 20th, 2010 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    I like to think that Jill was actually an alcoholic loony-bird even back when she was with Jordan, and has neglected to mention that the reason he left her at the altar was because she had one of her crazed drunken fits on the morning of the wedding.

  64. demoncat
    December 20th, 2010 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    jills father in the flash back is saying this guy better show up soon and maybe i can make my more important appointment yet. as mary is pondering how she will use Jill’s info against her.

  65. Andy
    December 20th, 2010 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @anty a (#19): That’s exactly what I was thinking when I reread that comic

  66. just liz
    December 20th, 2010 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is it just me, or does left-at-the-alter Jill look like Mary? Or maybe everyone looks like Mary in Maryville. Hmmm

  67. Rixter
    December 20th, 2010 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    Well, from the visual evidence in the flashback, it’s fortunate that Jill didn’t spend much on that wedding.

  68. Mooch
    December 21st, 2010 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    MW – Oh, Jill, Jill, Jill… the left-at-the-altar story has been done to death already, and unless you are planning on becoming Santa Royale’s version of Miss Haversham, in a rotting dress and with decayed Salmon squares and Potato-Ade on the buffet table, try to at least find a unique twist on it. Although it does show how self-absorbed Adrian is. One would think that as her best friend, Adrian would have known the topic of weddings is a touchy one around Jill. But like a typical bridezilla, Adrian only cares about Adrian.

  69. Mooch
    December 21st, 2010 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    @15 Twinkles the Elf

    ah, you are correct on that version, but if it is the bride who bails, the groom IS left at the altar, so the phrase is correct. Or if, during their vows, the groom backs out while the bride is at the altar also.

  70. D-Nice
    December 21st, 2010 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    > Per Mary Worth:
    > “Of course, the most logical profession for someone who has been left embarrassed at the altar by her fiance’ is wedding planning. Duh.”

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    December 22nd, 2010 at 5:05 am [Reply]

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  72. Allison
    December 22nd, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    When I first glanced at this comic, I though we were finally getting an explanation for why Mary Worth never married.

  73. Xanadude
    December 22nd, 2010 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Aunt Iris’s over-the-shoulder coquettish head dip is a masterstoke of artistic expression.

  74. Anonymous
    December 23rd, 2010 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Zach (#34): Well, well, isn’t that a cow-winky-dink! The next Ace Attorney game has an old, traditional female judge who overrules perfectly reasonable objections as your opponent. I’m unclear on whether or not she favors the salmon square as an appetizer and/or main course, but I’m perfectly willing to call it a prequel to Mary Worth. Frankly, the Holy Meddling would be much more entertaining if Mary carried around a gavel and shouted OVERRULED!, doncha think?

  75. vinnie
    December 23rd, 2010 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Ugh. Last post (75) was me. Sorry.

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