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Metapost: Vote early, vote often, eh?

Due to stupid real-world time pressures, I probably won’t be able to post today’s comics until late tonight or maybe even tomorrow, but I felt that this article in the Toronto Star needed to be brought to the attention of those who don’t read the comments post haste. (Thanks to faithful reader Big Stu for the link!) Long story short, it’s yet another feature about the future of FBOFW, with yet another version of what’s going to happen to the strip after this fall. That keeps changing because, as Johnston says in the story, she hasn’t really figured out exactly what she’s going to do yet.

But! The important thing is that the article contains a poll asking readers to which of Lizardbreath’s suitors she should pledge her troth. It’s on the right-hand side of the page, about halfway down the story. Against all logic and decency, The Mustache is currently in the lead with 40 percent; Paul has 33 percent and Warren 25 percent. Clearly the addition of Warren was an attempt to dilute the anti-Anthony hate, but I think all of you know what needs to be done about this poll. Go forth and cast your votes!

Apropos of nothing, but since I’ve got your attention, Gil Thorp fans and haters alike owe it to themselves to check out This Week In Milford. There’s a dramatic movie trailer built completely out of GT panels that is particularly amusing.

256 responses to “Metapost: Vote early, vote often, eh?”

  1. colorado
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Well, I voted for Warren….looks like Paul the cop is gonna get caught dipping his nightstick elsewhere, so Warren is the one who’s gettin’ my vote…Just couldn’t vote for Granthony…ewe…no, double ewe….

  2. Indiebass
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    1st on teh Server!

    I voted (only let me vote once) but i was disappointed there’s no “none of the above” option. What kind of Science is this poll?

  3. Indiebass
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    –2nd, [MARGO] it.

  4. anne
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    I voted, but I don’t like any of them anymore.

    Then I realized in my heart I actually want her to be with Anthony because it will be so annoying it will cause me glee. I love to be annoyed!

  5. Derelict
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    So sad that, no matter what the poll produces, Johnston will force Blandthony upon both Liz and us. On the other hand, just think of what Liz will look like five years into the marriage: Three or four new kids running around to go with little Francie, her weight ballooned up to 285lbs from eating nothing but leftover cinnamin buns and donuts her hubby brings home from work, and a two-pint-a-day vodka habit to drown the soul-searing agony she experiences whenever she becomes conscious of what she has done to her life.

  6. Brian J.
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Um, Toronto Star reporter? We’re not busting on Anthony for his moustache any more than people busted on Hitler for HIS moustache. Unless the moustache is allegory for being a ambisexual failure, in which case point taken.

  7. R
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    You’ll have to weigh your own sense of ethics on this, but, remember… cookies (including those that note if you voted in an online poll) can be deleted.

    (Never trust an online poll.)

  8. True Fable
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Liz will look just like Elly no matter who she foobs, so Paul is dodging a bullet. A great big fat assed bullet.

    I voted for him anyway, just because I intensely dislike G. Anthony Beanieweinie.

  9. 420
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Who cares?

  10. Axel Fusco
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Note that the Star is asking who Liz “SHOULD” end up with. Obviously, she SHOULD end up with Granthony because she deserves such a horrible fate.

  11. sally
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Up until yesterday, I was really holding out hope that somehow, against all odds, despite the all-knowing predictions of Pope Josh (who is infallable) and his true believers, Lynn would not succumb to the easy-out of making Paul into a jerk to spare Liz from having to make an actual decision among her inexplicably large stable of boyfriend applicants. But now, clearly, that’s where things are headed. Sigh.

    Others have pointed out, far more articulately than I could, why Anthony is wrong wrong wrong for Liz. But what really bugs me here is that it would have been PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE for Paul to dump Liz because she left and he didn’t want to move — or for Liz to dump Paul because distance relationships suck — or for Paul not to get his transfer — or for this relationship to die a dignified, neither-party-at-fault death for any of a dozen other reasons that long-distance relationships die. Instead, Lynn has to make Paul the villian by having him take up with Susan while carrying on with Liz. This is so wrong, and so unnecessary, in so many ways that it just makes me want to cry.

    *sniff* Josh, I’m so sorry I doubted you! *sob*

    Has anyone got a hankie? Thanks.

  12. jules
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the links – the (DT)GT film-noir trailer was awesome! Also, I voted for Warren because A) I like Paul too much to see him as a Foob-in-law, B) I’m not voting for Anthony for anything unless the question is “who’s an even bigger loser than Ziggy?” and C) I like to say “Warren.”

  13. George Bungle
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Several-months lurker here. Thank you, Josh. Without a doubt the best comments community on the Internet. Never imagined comics I thought ended ages ago (Snuffy Smith?!?!) were still going strong. Now I waste as much time following A3G, MW, JP etc. as you do.

    General notes:

    BC: Have the two characters who popped up some seven to ten years ago to take over the strip (the one who looked like an Italian circus strong man and the one called Cominahominahomina) ever reappeared? Religious figures, clearly, but as clearly belonging to the religion which Hart and the Good Lord worked out betwixt themselves. Listen to the story of Old Brother Left Hand…

    DT: The young’uns will never believe it but DT was once one of the greatest, most demented strips ever. The *very first* strip I recall reading featured an elderly lady (Junior’s mother, as it turned out) reading fairy tales to a pair of small children in the first panel. Second panel, a golf ball shoots through the window and clips her in the temple. Third panel, she falls over dead as the children ask why she’s sleeping. Definitely a plot development to stick in the mind of a four year old! You old-timers remember what creator Chester Gould used to get away with.

    “Where’s Intro?”

    These days…so sad. So sad.

    FOOB: Over the years grew to hate this strip and now understand why, but like so many of you, can’t yet break the habit. Considering that Lynn is growing somewhat more Chester Gould-like in her treatment of non-Pattersonians (back at the hospital I assume the docs are still trying to figure out which is Kelpfroth skin and which, cigar wrapper), if she just let loose she’d have Liz push Dudley Do-Wrong out of Warren’s helicopter, where he’d be impaled on a flagpole when he landed.

    FW: When I read this strip in the Louisville Courier-Journal years ago, a recurring character wore a high school bandleader’s outfit and was constantly hustling boxes of candy to anyone crossing his path in order to help send the band out on the road. I assume that since then this character lost both his legs in the invasion of Grenada and is presently a schizophrenic morphine addict. Or, Crankshaft.

    GA: At this rate Walt will be the only one still alive when the strip finally winds down in 2058, and they’ll still be trying to drag him into the Old Comics Home, where Aldo, Margo, “Onion,” Molly, Gunther and his glue gun, and the hideously disfigured Kelpfroths are lying in wait.

    GT: This strip ran in the CJ as well in the late seventies. Don’t know if that sportswriter was on staff at the time or not. One thing I can tell you — the art hasn’t gotten worse.

    Phantom: *This* is still running?!?!? [insert footprint bookended with question mark and exclamation point here]? The horror. The horror.

  14. cheech wizard
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    What, no space to write in votes for Eric? Then why bother?

  15. Trogdor
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Woo hoo! My vote officially put Paul in the lead!

  16. Comic Critic Steve
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Multiple votes seem to be allowed.

    Just to let you know.

  17. Jeremiah
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    OK, I usually am too intimidated by the 80 or so comments that are present by the time I read the site to jump into the commenting, so this has probably been discussed ad nauseum but – FOOB is no longer running in real time? That’s like the one worthwhile thing about that strip! I’ve always thought it was really cool that she actually had close to thirty years of continuity going, and just *now* we’re freezing time? Crikey. Why not just pull back in the fourth panel to show an autistic kid shaking a snow globe?

  18. steinbeck421
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    As of my vote, Paul is now ahead of Anthony by 2 votes (both at 36%, with Warren showing a low-altitude 26%, so he’s pretty much off the radar). (Sorry.)

    Paul!! Paul!! Paul!! Paul!!

  19. cheech wizard
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    From the Toronto Star story:

    The characters will in essence be frozen in time; for example, Ellie Patterson’s father, Jim, who has been suffering the depredations of age, will remain forever old.

    And Farley will remain dead. (Apologies to Michael O’Donahue and Gen. Francisco Franco.)

  20. Kate
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Hmm. I voted, then erased cookies, then tried to vote again, and I still got booted.

    Then I erased cookies, went away for a while, came back, and could vote again.

    Then I looked at my cookies (heh heh, I said “Iooked at my cookies” and the Star’s cookies didn’t show up on my computer.

    Do I just have a computer that communicates as leisurely* as Shan … non does?

    *And should that be “leisurely” or “leisurelyly”?

  21. don hosek
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    What horrifies me is the idea of having Foob continue with non-aging characters. One of the best parts of the strip (and while there’s much to despise, there’s also much to admire) has been the real-time aging of the characters. I’m much happier with it going away completely than it turning into Blondie. Lynn, if you read this, have Liz go with anyone but Anthony and go ahead and retire to paint and learn Spanish.

  22. Cafangdra
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    FW: When I read this strip in the Louisville Courier-Journal years ago, a recurring character wore a high school bandleader’s outfit and was constantly hustling boxes of candy to anyone crossing his path in order to help send the band out on the road. I assume that since then this character lost both his legs in the invasion of Grenada and is presently a schizophrenic morphine addict. Or, Crankshaft.…gets my vote for Comment of the Week. As long as we’re on the subject of voting.

  23. The Curmudgeon
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Paul’s about to get launched on an ice floe.

    Warren, who knew darn good and well what was going on between Officer Too Friendly and Susan, got my vote.

    And judging by the latest poll results, the support for Anthony has peaked and is thinning faster than the hair on the back of his mustached head.

  24. True Fable
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    The power of the Curmudgeonites will not be denied, missy!

  25. ChristyNell
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Lynn’s “my characters haven’t told me what’s going to happen yet” thing makes me so mad. Either she has no insight whatsoever, or she’s saying things like that on purpose, just to taunt us. “No, really, life is full of possibilities and hopes! (Hee.)”

  26. PixelFish
    January 10th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Looks like the Mountie finally pulled ahead….currently it’s Anthony 34% Paul 38%

  27. pelagius
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    It seems to track your IP address. I voted this morning, but it still won’t let me vote again. Darn.

    Despite Curmudgeonly vote rigging, PAUL WRIGHT has pulled ahead of the Mustache of Mediocrity! WOOHOO!

  28. gh
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    What a foob!

    Here I am on the old thread keeping everyone (I thought) up to date on the vote count and huzzahing when Paul went over the top. And wondering . . .where is everyone? Out voting? Uh, no, here.

  29. vanya
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Paul’s ahead, now we need Warren votes. Let’s see Granthony finish a distant third!

  30. Kdog
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    I had to go with Warren. I’m waiting for the story line of the two of them joining the 15,000 feet club. Or would that be the 4,572 metre club?

  31. Tukla in Iowa
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    I’m disappointed. I was hoping Johnston would spend the next 20 years depicting Michael’s soon-to-be-bestselling novel in comic-strip form. I bet Sheilagh Shaunessy has good, wide Patterson birthin’ hips.

  32. JennyM
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Delurking to say that “Considering that Lynn is growing somewhat more Chester Gould-like in her treatment of non-Pattersonians (back at the hospital I assume the docs are still trying to figure out which is Kelpfroth skin and which, cigar wrapper), if she just let loose she’d have Liz push Dudley Do-Wrong out of Warren’s helicopter, where he’d be impaled on a flagpole when he landed.” gets my vote for comment of the week.

    I cast my vote for the Mountie, not that it matters. Sigh. I really can’t believe I actually care.

    The “my characters haven’t told me what they’re going to do next” thing seems an awful “coy” way of saying, “I make it up as I go along. Paul who?”

  33. Yitzchok
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Adding new strips to past storylines? If she goes too far back there will be some jarring artistic differences. Of course, if the writing is really the challenging part (!) then she could just have Mt. Foob churn out new versions of the old strips, giving her a few weeks to come up with the addenda.

    Further, what exactly could you add to a past storyline? It seems like events tend to wrap up pretty tightly every few weeks in the Foobiverse.

    On another note, did anyone ever see the animated FBOFW movies? I have an indelible memory of a scene in which the school bully is shown sitting on the couch on a Friday night watching a movie with his mom; it was actually a very delicate way of creating some sympathy for the otherwise flat character.

  34. Comic Critic Steve
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Policeman Paul is leaving the other two guys in the dust!

    I voted for Warren, because of the imminent designation of “Bad Cop Paul”. But mainly, I need to see Anthony fall into a distant third.

    (I can’t believe I actually care this much about this nonsense Canuck poll!)

  35. Mumbles
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Here’s the problem. For all of our curmudgeonly snarkiness, we want Lizardbreath to end up with a good guy under our standards.

    Sadly so does Lynn – under her standards.

    Lynn is of a different era. In Lynn’s day, nothing would be better than, after catching the latest “Shields and Yarnell” on tv, a good snog with your boyfriend (who just got a perm so he can look like Tommy Bradford) to Bread’s “Baby I’m A Want You.” Then you’d hop in the minivan to your EST seminar.

    This is the prism through which Lynn sees Granthony, and likes what she sees.

  36. Tukla in Iowa
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    #25: In his November monthly letter, Michael stated that he hadn’t decided on a title for his novel, and that Sheilagh would tell him. So I think Lynn actually means it when she says weird things like that.

  37. gh
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    #29 vanya

    I’m with you. More Warren votes, mules!

  38. Comic Critic Steve
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Warren is slowly catching up to Anthony.


  39. Poteet
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Foob — I’m impressed not only by the bwahaha- snarky comments over the past few days, but also by the cogent analysis and the brave and open-minded Curmudgeons who have come forth to defend various Foob characters, and the strip itself, against the tidal wave of dislike.

    To save time, and to protect myself from any such attempts at rational thinking, and also because I see in the STAR article that Lynn is now talking about expanding on old storylines in spite of the time freeze (gaaah!!), I’ve decided to turn my opinion of Foob into a religion.

    I am now a Foobloatharian, which requires that I hate the entire Foobiverse and all the denizens therein, regardless of race, creed, or romantic proclivities. I am allowed to hate some characters more than others, but I must and will hate them all.

    As a Foobloatharian, I will read other Foob views on this site with tolerance and interest and occasional admiration. But my own convictions are, until I leave Foobloatharianism, unshakeable. The good thing is that I won’t try to convert anyone. Also, I’m developing a few short anti-Foob mantras to mutter to myself instead of always spewing venom onto this site.

    And to cheech wizard per # 14, I’d bet one reason we aren’t being allowed to vote for Eric is because he’s lying in a shallow grave somewhere in Ontario. Did you see Liz’s expression in the final panel today? I rest my case.

  40. Cedar
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    This is kinda embarrassing but I’m at the liberry right now, and I’m hopping around on computers and voting for Paul. I don’t actually want to see him end up with Liz, but dude deserves better than what he’s getting.

  41. DrBear
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    KDog – it’s the 4,572-meter club(for 15,000 feet; if they were to join the Mile High Club it would be 1,609.34 meters). Personally, I like Ron White’s invention, the Mile Ahead Club – you do it behind a Cracker Barrel billboard.

    And, of course, all is is Elly’s fault for tramping through the Canadian Outback to show Liz’s pic to every eligible bachelor north of Sudbury.

  42. gh
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    #39 Poteet

    I think you got the ball rolling with that flameout yesterday [Monday?].

    #40 Cedar

    It’s Warren! Warren Warren Warren!

    I can’t wait till I open the paper tomorrow and see the results splashed across the comics page!

  43. AhClem
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    As much as the FOOB train wreck seems to be heading for a showdown between Liz and Paul/Susan, a small voice in my head says that Lynn is deliberately throwing us off the trail, and has a genuine plot surprise in store. Could this be the case?

    On the other hand, we Foobloatharians (thank you, Poteet!) are just a tiny fraction of the total readership of the strip. Given what passes for popular culture these days, and the lack of any creative thought on the part of Lynn for many, many years, the answer to my question is most likely “No.”

  44. Mibbitmaker
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    There is word that Blanthony is calling for a debate, to be held in his basement. Paul is already attempting to cheat, not unlike the Reagan-Carter Debate Book Scandal of the ’80s. Warren insists on holding the debate a day early.

    Eric is attempting to go for a write-in campaign, insisting on a third party to join with him and Liz if he wins, but Elizabeth Patterson has beaten back the challenge.

    Meanwhile, conflicting reports have Elly Patterson choosing different candidates for her daughter. There is a possibility she may get to override the vote, claiming supreme authority. April Patterson is said to want to represent legal counsel to the one Elly rejects, but, in the words of Michael Patterson, “That dog is dead in the water”.

    More later on this CC station.

  45. Gal Friday
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    #40 Cedar, you rock!

  46. Gal Friday
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Paul leads at 41% as of 4:30 central time, dammit! Die, Granthony, in the dust!

  47. HBGlord
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    #13 — Outstanding first post, George. While i understand the need to lurk here (i did for about six months before i dared to run with the big boys and girls), you must never hide your light under a bushel again. (Your GA comment alone puts you in the running for Rookie of the Year).

    “We accept you, we accept you. One of us, one of us.”

  48. MsMolly
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    Fun with anagrams (some names used twice):

    Warren Blackwood – AWKWARD BRO CLONE
    Anthony Caine – TO EACH A NINNY

  49. Islamorada Girl
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I grew up in the 50′s and I’m a feminist! You bite, Lynn. You really, really bite, with your real life dysfunctional family and your parastitc husband and your multi-million dollar empire. You didn’t stay home and bake cookies, you old hypocrite. Why do you want to learn Spanish? So you can put the housekeeper down for cleaning your house for minimum wage!

    A fatwah on your fat head, bitch.

    Thank you.

  50. Saxman
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Lynn may surprise us all. I’m wondering why have this poll unless Paul is still going to be in the running?

  51. AwfulArt
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    In today’s N.Y.Daily News the best strip of the day is “OOTGP”…. But there is an article on page 4 by Mike Lupica that I feel needs to be brought to the attention of Everyone…!!! (Thanks Josh)..
    If anyone can post a link it well worth the read. It’s about what is happening now & is important.. And I hate politics…!!! And I also don’t how to link…

  52. Saxman
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]


    Does Lynn really have a multi-million dollar empire? I mean I know Garfield’s Davis does (my horrible secret is that my step sister works at his Muncie compound) but is FOOB *that* popular? Unlike Garfield, I don’t see FOOB lunchmeats or videogames or amusement parks or little April sucker-cup dolls on space station windows. Is there even a FOOB pinball machine?

    How much can a cartoonist, even a really popular one, make without product spin-offs?

  53. Mibbitmaker
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    Did the polling finish while I posted #44? I tried voting, but I can’t even get to a coherent Past Polls page.

  54. Gal Friday
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    #13 you funny, very funny!

  55. True Fable
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    #50 Saxman – at the risk of continuing my surly diatribe against LJ, I will cynically say “so Lynn can say ‘I watched these characters grow up, they are like my own children, so I know them better than anyone and what is best for them’.” Lynn Johnson channels Elly when she’s huffing something stale.

    I doubt she even thought any one of her devoted reader minions would even consider voting for anyone but Granthony. I hope the poll results stun the living shit out of her.

  56. HBGlord
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Español, Lección Uno

    Repite después de mi, clase:

    ¡Lynn Johnston es una fuba grande!

  57. True Fable
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    Of course, if LJ dared read CC, she would not be surprised in the least, but she’d realize the devoted readers here are devoted to snarkiness in all its majesty, and not in worshipping the familia Patterson.

  58. James Kohng
    January 10th, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    I hope that Warren and Liz die in a helicopter crash, and then we can get away from the “Leave it to Beaver” BS that LJ has been ramming down our 21st century throats.

  59. anti-FOOB
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    Ok…so what are the bets that an angry fan begins stalking her and the end result inspires a Law and Order episode?

  60. Dicky
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

  61. mokey
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    I voted for Paul because he’s a cheater ( and I know that Liz just the type to marry an asshole and spend the rest of her life sulking with those fizzled-out lines over her head, and I really enjoy that.

  62. Gal Friday
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    #58 LJ strikes me as someone who might pay attention to the poll. Paul is pulling away now and Warren is about even with Granthony. Keep voting folks!

  63. Marc
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to see how Mary deals in a third-world country where they can’t afford such luxuries as pre-fab cabinets with lime green counters.

  64. MGArchitect
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    I apologize if this was already mentioned here but you can vote more than once on the poll if you use a cookie cleaning software (Window Washer, McAfee) and your ISP has moving DNS settings. I have personally voted 8-10 times for Paul but I wish, like everyone else here, there were more options, like joining a convent or something.

    I also want to clearly point out that the MOST DISTURBING thing I read was the article that says that Lynn was not retiring and was going to revamp the strip so that everyone is… frozen… in… time…plot…. lines…. move… slow….. Shannon…. style….

  65. Red Greenback
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Don’t blame me…I voted for Papoon (he’s not insane!).

  66. Lettuce
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Dream-foob scenario:

    Liz bursts into the log cabin of chastely-teacher only to find Susan and… ANTHONY in the midst of a suggestive kiss.

    “This can’t be!” she cries.

    “Oh yes, it can.” Who is it but Eric, sitting on the lap of the handicapped teacher to inspired Elizabeth all those years ago. He’s eating a lollipop shaped the Shauna-Marie’s head.

    Jessie enters in, speaking backwards:

    “meard a tsuj siht! era ouy demood!”

    “No!” She screams and runs outside, falling instead into a bottomless pit. As she decends the ghosts of her past rush by, Grandpa, April, Grandma, that cheating neighbor guy, what’shisname, Ted? Michael and his floozy college girlfriend who was, wait for it, cheating on him, since that’s Lynn’s one way to end a relationship, Farley. Finally she doesn’t so much land, as cease moving altogether.”

    “Where am I?”

    “You are where it ends, and begins.” Says a voice. It is Mr. B.

    She awakes with a start. In her playpen! A crudely drawn playpen with Mom doing laundry and a slightly older Michael running around, making puns about Home Fries.

    As her poorly-formed toddler mind loses all memory of the last 20 years, she mutters a gasp of protest and then… a giggle. A giggle at a pun. Her curse: to relive it all again…

    Plus, as an added bonus, Johnston can quit! And we can see why the strip was worthy for a decade or so.

  67. Mibbitmaker
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    There was a poll about the Liz’s Best Doormat – I mean, Boyfriend – Race in the Comics World. The results are in…
    Q: What are your feelings about how this race is going?

    Molly: “I can’t understand all the hostility, myself. I’d soul-kiss any of the contenders.”

    Crankshaft: “They’re all idiots! It’s like shooting fish in… in… OMIGOSH, I’VE RUN OUT OF BELABORED PUNS!!”

    Mary Worth: “Right now, none tickle my fancy. Not one ever went to Vietnam, so the hell with ‘em!”

    Becky Winkerbean: “I dunno. It’s all so depressing. I can count the worthy possibilities on one arm.”

    Margo Magee: “Something sneaky is going on here, mark my words! It’ll be enough to make your head bobble!”

    Danae: “Bush is evil! Bush is evil!”

    Mallard Fillmore: “Clinton’s evil! Clinton’s evil! What? Either one.”

    Rex Morgan: “Depends. What’s their position on gay golfing? Just asking.”

    JJ Jameson: “Well, I’m buying the Toronto Star! Then I’ll decide it myself! And I’ll vote Spiderman villian of all time! Just you watch me!”

  68. ohgrl
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    I think The Star missed an obvious choice: Becky.
    Why won’t Liz kiss those icky boys? Because they have flat bodies and facial hair. What she really longs for are the soft, smooth curves and moist lips of one such as herself. And who better than ol’ “Roadside” herself to introduce Liz to The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name.

  69. Crankenstank
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Apropos of voting often in the FOOB Lizard Breath Boyfriend poll….I’d like to point out that regardless of which boyfriend you prefer, it’s very important that Anthony finish LAST, and as far in last place as he can possibly get. Keep voting!! Paul or Warren, vote for whoever’s closer to Anthony at the time.

  70. parkyakarkus
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Just voted the Toronto Foob poll…just to be clear, and in possible apposition to most other posters here, I don’t *hate* anthony…but, G-H-O-D-D-A-M-N! Why does Lynn even think of delivering Liz into marriage with such a regressive plot line? Does she have to give up teaching to be happy? I say, nay! Even having a groom with a Wally Cox he-man mustache doth not make it so! If she can’t have her policeman, have her do the Betty Cooper, and go solo!

  71. Marion Delgado
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    The two BC characters were named Chief RacistStereotype and Guido “Fourth Grade Depiction” Italiano, if my memory serves me.

  72. ohgrl
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Having said that, though, I voted for Warren. You wanna be a part of that hell, buddy, you got it. Also I like Paul, so I don’t want him to be frozen in time with the rest of those shmucks.

  73. parkyakarkus
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    #8: oh, come on! Who doesn’t like big butts?

  74. MGArchitect
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    #71 Marion:

    Your comment just made my day.

  75. Sjofn
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    I voted for Warren, for no good reason. He isn’t Anthony, for which he should be grateful, but he is also underdeveloped enough where I wouldn’t feel a twinge of “You are so lucky he puts up with your stupid bullshit, Liz,” like I would with Paul.

    Not that Paul is super awesome, but he does enjoy the ass grabbing, something I can identify with (although I think my husband sometimes wishes I didn’t).

  76. Marion Delgado
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    And to cheech wizard per # 14, I’d bet one reason we aren’t being allowed to vote for Eric is because he’s lying in a shallow grave somewhere in Ontario. Did you see Liz’s expression in the final panel today? I rest my case.

    Not so fast, there! At least he’d still be a better catch than Anthony.

  77. Gal Friday
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    Granthony is last as the moment–it must remain so (to use Michael-speak).

  78. velouria73
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    argh! i’m so furious with foob (foobious?) that i don’t even know where to begin.

    i feel bad for paul because i think he’s probably a pretty good guy in general, and i suspect he got together with susan partly because liz lived so far away. yes, he should’ve broken up with her but maybe this susan thing is just getting started and he wanted to tell liz in person (instead of having gary blab to her). and as someone has already pointed out, there were plenty of other ways the relationship could’ve ended that wouldn’t have made paul a villain. but it’s too late now, liz is steamed and will have her fall guy to go to.

    i’m just fearing the strips where she’ll cry to her mom, wondering why she keeps getting cheated on, and we’ll have to hear elly’s lecture about how wonderful she is, blah blah blah, and how anthony would never do that, blah blah blah. i don’t know if i can handle much more.

  79. Kate
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    So I can’t just clean my cookies before voting again? I have to have a different DNS as well?


  80. MonkeyHawk
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who tried to vote for Howard Erk?

    He’s been the only one honest to LizzardBreath.

  81. Tukla in Iowa
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    I think Liz should marry Raju.

  82. Pammeey
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    Why does Liz have to end up with anyone? But really, I hate FBOFW with the heat of a thousand charred manuscripts. Why Comics Curmudgeon, why why why did you make me care about this???

  83. Kate
    January 10th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    WHOO! Despite my personal lameness at stuffing the ballot box, Warren has 29%, 598! Anthony lags behind with 26%, or 536. Paul, of course, has a solid 44%, or 907. However, I think it is very important that Paul have at least 51%. Otherwise there will be “no clear winner.”

    Not that Lynn will pay any attention, because she’s hamfistedly hellbent on having Liz and Granthony end up together. Nobody said that this poll actually would *do* anything …

  84. Red Greenback
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Due to stupid real-world time pressures, if i had my druthers, I would vote for Raju making a love connecttion with Mary Worth.

    Back on point. Liz and Gordon Lightfoot….beauty, eh?

  85. Ellie M.
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    I dunno… I haven’t voted on the poll yet because I can’t decide which of these guys most deserves Elly for a mother-in-law.

  86. Anonymous
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    Did you know that you can rearrange the letters in “Anthony Caine” to spell “Jar Jar Binks”?

    Well, you can’t really, but if God were fair, you could.

  87. Kate
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    Damn it, #86 was me.

  88. Marion Delgado
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of God being fair, did anyone notice the 2 days before xmas funky winkerbean?

    Mr. Eponymous himself waxes socioeconomicophilosophical.

    I actually thought that was pretty decent.

    There’s a Thomas Hardy quality to Batiuk. The world’s a veil of tears, so we better throw our shou’ders to th’ wheel an get on with makin it as tol’r’ble as possible, innit? E’en though mos’ o’ the time the good Laird’ll squash us like flies!

  89. Kate
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of being squashed like a fly, Anthony’s score is up to 546. I’d like to see whoever cast those ten votes. No, wait. I wouldn’t.

  90. Marion Delgado
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    It’s a Sunday, hence not on houston, hence i’ll post the url in seattle

  91. andreavis
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Yay!!! Granthony 24%, Warren 29%, Paul 45%! I was able to vote again from home. Eat dirt, Granthony.

    #39 Poteet: can I join the Fooblotharian sect? When are the meetings? Will there be punch and pie? You’ll get more people if there’s punch and pie.

  92. Cabbage
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Ideal situation:

    Liz catches Paul with some northwoods floozie. Goes something like this:
    L: How could you do this to me? With that Skank?!?!
    P: What are you talking about, you’re the one who broke up with me!
    L: (crying) What? I never broke up with you, and you’re a bad man!
    P: Then why did you send this letter saying you didn’t want to see me any more?
    L: (sobbing intensely) I never sent any letter!
    (Looks at letter)
    but… but… this is Anthony’s handwriting!
    P: So you never broke up with me?
    L: Of course not. But I’m going to break Anthony’s face….
    P: (speaking to First Nations Tramp) Get lost
    FNT: Freaking White Women! First they steal our land, then they steal our men! (runs off crying)

  93. Linnie
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Josh – I, for one, thought that was the CC was your “real world.” Golly….

    Meanwhile, when you do have time to post, here’s hoping you can help us understand how “Meth Man” in RMMD managed to turn his skanky black hair into a scary black executioner mask in the last panel? What is up with that? The Comb-Over of Evil????

  94. mokey
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]


  95. Ellie M.
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    According to an anagram website, “‘Anthony Caine’
    anagrams to ‘Hit annoyance.’”

    We wish…

  96. Marion Delgado
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    Also! None of you read this from me, but

    Appears to be available for sale.

    Just trivia for the fans, really.

  97. Dynamite XI
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    I agree with what’s been said above….if Granthony is going to lose, it needs to be by a HUUUUUUUGE margin.

    Not that it makes any difference anyway, but still. Foobs give me headaches.

  98. Trotzenbonnie
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    #52– Yes, there is FOOB merchandise. I am the proud owner of a Robert Tonner April doll, “a portrait of the comic strip character captured at the age of 5″. The box describes the product as a unique collaboration between LJ and internationally known doll artist, Robert Tonner. Unique. Yeah. Because comic strip characters have never been made into dolls before.
    I am declaring myself a FOOBismist. I believe in the almighty goddess of FOOBvana and all of her powers. Why the hell else would I have wasted more than 20 friggin years reading a golddarned comic strip….I just can’t believe that we were all this close to the rapture and that bitch pulled the plug.

  99. Tukla in Iowa
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    #82: Why does Liz have to end up with anyone?

    Because she’s Elly II.

    Maybe April can break the cycle.

  100. Kate
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Warren: 679, 29%
    Granthony: 553, 24%
    Paul: 1054, 46%

    I know you can click on the link and see the results. I’m just keeping track. on this message board, because apparently I have never heard of post-it notes to myself.

    When I first checked, it was Warren 29%, Granthony 26%, Paul 44%. Now it’s Warren 29%, Granthony 24%, Paul 45%. Does anyone see what I see? Or, more precisely, what I don’t see? Granthony lost two, but Paul gained only one. WHERE IS THAT MISSING PERCENTAGE POINT?

  101. Victor Von
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    I just checked the poll results. Anthony is down to 24%. The mustache is going down… and not in a sexy way.

  102. Kate
    January 10th, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Wait, never mind, Paul has 46%. I’m going home from work now before I humiliate myself in an internationally-accessible forum even more.

  103. Some Guy Here
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Did somebody say “vote”?

  104. Len
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    I want Anthony to finally come out of the closet.

    And run off with Doctor Patterson. Eventually moving in with him and the electric train set.

    Leaving Elly to raise baby Francoise.

    Lots of scenes of Big Butt Mamma looking sadly at her ex-husband, as he sits picking cinnamon-bun crumbs out of his studly lover’s mustache — with his tongue.

  105. Tukla in Iowa
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    #100: It’s just a rounding error, Kate.

  106. Joe
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Goddam, Curmudgeonites, I really think you’ve swung this thing for Paul.

  107. phil
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    sorry – i voted for Anthony – i hate him and they deserve each other -

  108. Comixchick
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to my McAfee, I’ve voted thrice, and will be returning for more. I’ve been here reading for months, never posting, but I feel I’ve found my tribe. It’s nice to meet every one of you.

    PS – Liz should date a black guy. Just because I don’t think I’ve ever seen one in the ‘Verse (not counting the Ape’s friend(s)). Represent!

  109. Dr. Shrinker
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    AhClem: “As much as the FOOB train wreck seems to be heading for a showdown between Liz and Paul/Susan, a small voice in my head says that Lynn is deliberately throwing us off the trail, and has a genuine plot surprise in store. Could this be the case?”

    I was thinking the same thing…what if Paul had Susan help him pick out an engagement ring for Liz (or flowers or a buttplug or something) — and right when he gives her a big “thank you” hug, Liz walks in and misinterprets the whole scene.

    Then it could either go Three’s Company and end in laffs or it could go Foob and end in tears. Lynn’s call, really.

  110. Bill James
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    #109 Dr. Shrinker – I agree that is most likely what is going to happen.

    This just in – Katherine Harris has stopped the counting and declared George W. Bush the winner.Liz and Granthony paln an appeal to the Supreme Court.

  111. Heckler123
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    As long as Lynn is offering us choices, I think she should go one more step.

    A distraught Liz flies home with Warren, her aching heart thumping in time to the shuddering thuk-thuk-thuk-thuk of the chopper blades. Any attempts at small talk are futile, and the two fly through the frigid Canadian dusk in grim silence.

    Wordlessly, she disembarks from the helicopter. She continues to stand motionless for several minutes as the chopper rises into the purple twilight; she remains gazing up into the heavens with tear-filled eyes.

    She steels herself against the cold – both the cold from without and the bitter iciness that now fills her soul. Driving home, she wipes her eyes with the back of her trembling hand and comes to a decision.

    She decides to seek solace in the clammy, spineless embrace of the gentle, kind, and yet unnervingly repugnant Granthony. Impulsively stopping in his driveway, she walks resolutely to the door and knocks. Thirty, then forty, then fifty seconds pass with no response.

    Summoning up her courage, Liz enters into the warm glow of the foyer. The aroma of tuna casserole and Pine-Sol tingles her senses. She hears a sound of laughter coming from the basement.

    She descends the stairs, trying to smile even though her soul has been shattered by the perfidy of Paul. Suddenly, the expression on her face turns to one of uncomprehending terror as she sees Anthony in flagrante delicto with:

    A. April
    B. Elly
    C. John
    D. Deanna
    E. Shannon
    F. Edgar the dog

    Now that’s the poll I’d like to vote in!

  112. Mack
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    And the death of Farley, the family dog, following his heroic rescue of April 2005, likewise provoked an anguished reaction.

    I am having an anguished reaction to the poor editing of this sentence.

  113. Red Greenback
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone said “Mtigwysharona” yet? If not, I add to the pile of transmogs.

  114. Frothy
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    #104 – Len: Anthony come out? How about Michael come out? That would make even more sense.

  115. reader-who-posts
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    Update on the poll, showing the power of comics curmudgeon:

    Warren – 29%

    Granthony – 23%

    Paul – 47%

  116. Don
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    Is April 2005 related to Andre 3000?

  117. Dingo
    January 10th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    Great jumpin’ beans and hash! Lynn has lit a fire under the curmudgeonistas! Just think what we could have done in 2000 if Josh had this site back then. We may never had to deal with 9/11, Gitmo, Paris Hilton, Rumsfeld, Crash beating Brokeback Mountain, or iPhones. People, you have the power!


    * – perhaps the best line I ever came up with on here

  118. Anonymous
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    Paul “Wright” has nearly twice the votes as Anthony as of 9 pm EST.

  119. scuppers
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    119 is scuppers.

  120. Summerhouse
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Ya’ll are overlooking a likely FOOB scenario, in my opinion. Paul is not cheating on Liz. He has a platonic relationship with Susan based on their years of friendship and Susan’s need for support as she does this very difficult teaching job and as she fights hmmm… let’s say…Bipolar Disorder. Or maybe as she deals with the terrible grief of her gay brother dying from AIDS and her parents shunning his memory. Anyway, something’s going on that they cannot reveal to the town of Mitzigaynor. So the town of Mitzigaynor, while having no proof, believes Paul to be cheating on Liz, but he says he’s not. (So that’s why nobody’s contacted Liz.) And that’s why Gary’s all, “Girl, you’ll be inspecting; I know that’s right!” They are waiting for Liz to bring the hammer down on Paul. But Saint Elizabeth will believe Paul. Because she’s a saint. She’ll believe Paul, and she won’t betray whatever the secret is; even though the town will think she’s a fool. And when Paul says that he has to put off his transfer just a little longer for Susan’s sake, Saint Elizabeth will explain to Paul that he really loves Susan, because that’s what true love is; it’s dependability and reliability and friendship. Pictures of Anthony will float over her head as she kisses Paul goodbye and BLLAARRGH! Somebody hold my hair!

    I will be so depressed and humiliated if it turns out I think like Lynn Johnston.

  121. Anonymous
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    # 13 & 47 – Sorry I’m late – “Gooble gobble, gooble gobble…”

  122. Harry Paratestes
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: You know what it is with Liz? She just has a nose for he-whores, and she feels great about being betrayed by them because she has a martyr complex.

  123. John C Fremont
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    #121 – Sorry, that was me – I wish people around here would stop cleaning out my cookies. Wait, that sounds wrong… and yet, so right.

  124. Old Fogeyette
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    I just got here. Voted for Warren, because he is much more intriguing, plus after they get married he will leave her alone for long periods of time, which will enable her to develop as a person.

    Damn, I’m impressed with the power of the Curminions!

  125. Lisa
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    Wow Josh, look at the power you have. You posted and now Granthony is in last place. Any plans for world domination?

  126. Red Greenback
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Vote Warren 2007!- He’s here!,.. He’s here!,…Uh…, He’s not gonna be….not…um. …here!

  127. Doug Puthoff
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    There’s only one suitable suitor for Liz:

    Aldo Kerlast.

  128. Poteet
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    # 13 — I agree with HBGlord, George — you’re more than ready to run here.

    # 76 — BWAHAHA! Excellent, Marion.

    # 85 & 86 — Ellie and Kate, an impressive one-two keyboard-destroying humor punch

    # 43 & 91 — AhClem and Andreavis, you are extremely welcome. Foobloatharians partake of whatever helps us endure the Foobiverse, so punch and pie definitely qualify.

    # 98 — Trotzenbonnie, I look forward to maybe finding out more about Foobismistism (if that’s the right name). And I’m really sorry about your plug-pulled rapture. Care for a little punch?

    # 111 — Heckler, can we vote for Howard Erk? Or Lovey?

  129. JB2
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    I voted for Warren; there’s no point in voting for Warren when the epic Chipper-Suds revelation is coming in the next day or two.

  130. Richard Onley
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    #30: “I had to go with Warren. I’m waiting for the story line of the two of them joining the 15,000 feet club. Or would that be the 4,572 metre club?”

    Now you know perfectly well that Liz doesn’t give a flying fuck . . .

  131. JB2
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    I meant – no point in voting for Paul

  132. Harry Paratestes
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    BTW, I voted for Warren. My reasoning is this: I was listening to Frank Zappa’s song ‘Catholic Girls’ not long ago and thought that Liz might be the kind of Catholic girl (“hey, she gave me vd”) that Zappa would sing about. When I saw the poll I remembered the name “Warren Cuccurullo”, so that’s the vote I cast.

  133. Dingo
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Based on two comments on here in the last day, I would like to remind all of you, speaking as a gay man, that “gay” and “AIDS” are not synonymous. There are many populations around the world consisting of non-homosexuals, predominately female, in places such as the brothels of southeast Asia where the levels of HIV-positive and AIDS-infected run much higher than in western cultures. Because Lawrence, Michael’s friend, is gay does not mean that his death would be from AIDS. He might have been a firefighter trying to save the family from that building, rescuing that idiot Michael with his laptop, or simply have fallen asleep at the wheel driving home from a landscaping convention in Toronto. Susan could be overcome with grief over the death of a brother from AIDS — her brother who got it from a meth-addicted girlfriend.

    I’m not commenting here on the comics but on the comments of us. It’s 2007, not 1982.

  134. George Bungle
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    #s 22, 32, 47, 71, 123, and Poteet :

    I for one welcome my new Foobloatharian overlords.

  135. jnik
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    I don’t even care- i’m just pissed that Lynn is pulling a “Scancarelli”.

  136. doughy lawyer Roy
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    #109 – Hey, it worked for Apt 3G!

  137. MarrG
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    I’m almost 100 comments late, but I would like to nominate this for Comment of the Week. It is short, to the point, and Comics Curmudgeonistic:

    “More Warren votes, mules!”

  138. Summerhouse
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    I’ve commented on this before, but it never ceases to amaze me. Just look at the expressiveness of Theodore in today’s Mark Trail.

    Panel One : Desolation. “Should I rebuild the dam? Why? I have no mate, I have no kits; I have nothing. But I am a beaver. I know nothing else. I wish a grizzly would eat me.”

    Panel Two: Incredulity. “Is that..? No, no, it can’t be. But it…it looks…please. Please!

    Panel Three: Joy. “Castoria! Castoria! Castoria!” and all four paws are off the ground at once.

    Meanwhile, Jack Elrod draws humans: is that Dick, or Rusty? No, that’s Mark. Dick has a yellow shirt. Is that Dick’s wife? No, that’s his little girl drawn in wrong proportion. Ok, that’s Mark. No, that’s Rusty on one of his adult days.

    What’s the deal?

  139. Saxman
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    True Fable

    You get all the good stuff! Where do you shop?

    When I just looked for FOOB stuff on eBay, I got nothing! Not under any permutation I could think of. As a sanity check, I tried Garfield and got 3005 hits, including one lot going for $25,000!!

    This is vaguely disturbing. OK, it is actually really really disturbing.

    (OK, some of the listings on eBay is apparently got Garfield the president, but not much).

    This is the kind of gratuitous spinning off that makes multi-millionaires. I’m betting Lynn is a hundred thousandaire.

    I also checked eBay for A3G stuff. Nothing comics related but there is apparently a band by that name. There was a comparitive lot of Mark Trail stuff, including a vintage Guide to North American Animals I think I’ll bid on.

  140. John C Fremont
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    God help me, I just voted for Granthony, ’cause he’s what Liz so richly deserves!

    #132 – Harry, I was also thinking of “Catholics Girls” for the same reason even though I was not planning to vote for Warren – Weird, or what!

  141. sally
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Good point, Dingo, and thanks for making it.

    I hope you don’t mind my adding that if I weren’t married, I’d be a little disappointed that you are gay — to me, a guy in a sexy song parody knocks out a guy in a uniform any day.

  142. Saxman
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    This is fun and in some cases sad. There are two Funky Winkerbean items, including a signed book. But also a carefully prepared scrapbook by a fan.


    So the son must be in his 40s now. Is he still alive? Did he finally get tired of recent downer developments in the strip, throw it out, only to have dad snag it from the trash and try to raise some pin money?

    Questions that will never be answered.

  143. Red Greenback
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    Harry Paratestes@132 -”Veedee, vodee, vootie”. Best li’l fill lylric ever!

  144. Benicillin
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Uhh…what’s a “Spurgeon”….?

  145. Foobaphonium
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    Dingo 133, I think people meant it in an ironic and sarcastic way. Keep in mind that topics of conversation generally are of the “chin nuts” and sexual innuendos involving cinnamon buns variety…

  146. Red Greenback
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Benicillin, welcome back! Where ya been? Do you have photos? Candid? nudge, nudge…say no more! Have you seen Angry Black Woman?

  147. MossMoses
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Chipper ‘n Suds 4Evah! A nickname like Suds seems kind of nasty, why not something more tasteful like “Santorum”?

  148. Trotzenbonnie
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    I got my genuine unique Robert Tonner April captured at the age of 5 doll on EBAY. Lynn Johnston was auctioning off a few signed copies over the summer and I bid on one. I was the lone bidder, I might add. Confident of my success, I also bid on a genuine little outfit for said April doll. Got beat out in the last second for the idol and quickly bid on an unautographed doll just so I wouldn’t have a useless tiny raincoat and umbrella. Lost the bid on the freakin’ outfit and got stuck with an unsigned doll. As a devout Foobismist, I felt no pain at being denied. Who am I, a mere United States of American mortal, desiring to posses the essence of the goddess of Foobvana captured in her signature. May Butterscotch gnaw at my flesh and draw blood as penance for my transgression.

  149. AwfulArt
    January 10th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @ 60 / Dicky: Right On. Thanks much…!!!

  150. yggdrasil
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Anthony’s butt is currently being kicked. GG lol

  151. Red Greenback
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    MossMoses, you gave me an opening. Been waitin 4evah 2say this:Frostedtipbutt.

  152. Krazy Kat
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    hands down .
    end of discussion
    face it Liz
    be happy

  153. Dingo
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    Got beat out in the last second for the idol and quickly bid on an unautographed doll just so I wouldn’t have a useless tiny raincoat and umbrella.

    Trotzenbonnie, it wouldn’t have to be useless. You could dress up a little female beaver in that raincoat and umbrella and pretend that she was cast out by her father into the cold, cruel streets to live the life of an unwed mother. You could have her gnaw matchsticks to sell. Have people pay a nickel each to see your beaver circus.

    Sally and foobaphonium, thanks for the comments. I realize how the comments on here are made. Dios mio! You’ve seen my links! I’m commenting on something that I saw in the same vein that an elderly woman who snarks on this site may take the comments toward Ella Byrd.

  154. Dean Booth
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: Uh-oh, it looks like we could be falling into a loop: Castoria rejoins Theodore, they rebuild the dam, dirt farmer Dick discovers the dam and calls Mark Trail, who advises that they put out a trap… Help me, Jebus!

  155. Krazy Kat
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    George Bungle
    Gooba gabba gooba gabba
    We accept you
    One of us!!

  156. AhClem
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to see April hook up with Nikki the starfish-haired boy.

    If that happened, I could forgive Lynn for anybody she hooks up with Liz.

  157. Mooselet
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    Please Lynn Johnston if you get nothing else, understand that your readers do NOT want Lizardbreath to end up with Granthony. We don’t really care who she rides off into the sunset with, as long as it is not with the Moustached Loser and his spawn. They could’ve put that random firefighter in the poll and he’d get more votes than Mr. Cinnamon Buns. We don’t want Anthony, unless it’s to see his little heart crushed when his pathetic offer to whisk Liz off to his mini-Gitmo in the basement is denied. I’d pay money to see that.

  158. reader-who-posts
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Now that they are all shacking together, it’s possible Liz could end up with Deanna. Cue the porno music!

  159. kingkong
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    We’re doomed, it’ll be moo-moo stache by a hair!

  160. Dingo
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    I’m hoping that Deeana has her moment. I see her, before the strip ends, standing up in the back of a car and saying to Michael, “I’m Patterson – hack! – I may even be ugly, but dear God I’m out of here, I’m out of here!” The car starts down the road with Michael and their spawn chasing after it. She moves to another town, opens a dress shop, takes a lesbian lover, and then moves in across the street from the Pattersons out of spite. Later, Michael goes to immigration services and helps pave the way for her sister to return from Africa.

  161. Dingo
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    A thought for Lynn Johnston: Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?

  162. Trotzenbonnie
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Dingo. Beaver Circus! Brilliant idea! During intermission I’ll serve tuna casserole!

  163. NotThatGuy
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    Granthony’s down to 21%.

    I voted for Warren, ‘coz he’s shallow. Paul, I like too much, and Anthony is just Mr. Creepy.

  164. Long time listener, First time caller
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    Dear god, I can’t believe I just voted in a FBOFW poll. I feel so…unbelievably dorky.
    Josh, what have you turned me into?!

  165. Summerhouse
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    #109 Dr Shrinker – “…or flowers or a butt plug or something”. Bwahahahahaha! Interesting Valentine’s coming up at Dr Shrinker’s!

    #108 – ComixChick – Welcome.

  166. Jackilope
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    #157 — YES, yes, yes. Hunky nameless fireman would beat out Anthony. House full of cats and single eternally — still better than Anthony.

  167. Dingo
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    I’m surprised that no one has written my fantasy of Liz’ later years: sitting on the sofa, watching her “stories” and eating frosting out of the can.

  168. Poteet
    January 10th, 2007 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    # 138 — Summerhouse, thank you. You are so, so right. That’s a major reason I really CARE about Theodore and Castoria. Whereas if Liz and Warren went down in a ball of flames on the helicopter ride back to Toronto, I would merely be interested in seeing the reaction on this website, especially any technical criticism of the depiction of the fireball and charred corpses.

    Also, the Theodore/Castoria romantic relationship seems to work well, or would if it weren’t for human interference. Look how happy they are to see each other again! (Sniff). How would we feel, I ask myself, if giant beavers tried to make a hash of OUR love lives?

  169. Poteet
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    Okay, so I really do keep forgetting about the other meaning of beaver, and #168 was not intended as a giant opening for snarking.

    Geez, I give up.

  170. Poteet
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    # 167 — Dingo, I think some of us may see that fate as a real possibility for all the Foobian females, and contemplating all of them on the sofa together is just…too…much.

  171. Oriscus
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    I voted for Granthony, because Liz *will marry him and, in her frustration cheat on him with… hell, any number of more plausible but less foobar suspects…

    Or would, if Foob-world resembled real life.

    I’m mostly a lurker here (found this site looking for fellow Pibgorn freaks (pile on later), and am actually somewhat a fan of FBOFW, but, hell, I know what I expect.

  172. Dingo
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    Giant beavers making hash. Giant BEAVERS making hash. Giant beavers making HASH.

    Poteet, have you been reading Naked Lunch again? I swear that you’re talkin’ out o’ your ass.

  173. Mibbitmaker
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    No matter who wins the Lizfoob election, you can be sure of:

    *Mallard spouting unfunny, right-wing complaints about it

    *Non Sequitur concocting elaborate yet obvious allegories attacking the dating policies of the couple

    *Doonesbury commenting on the stuffy ‘family values’ of it all by making a storyline of it involving his characters – and maybe a contrived icon for it, like
    a) A limp hotdog with a cheesy moustache
    b) A police badge with Susan’s lip prints on it, or
    c) Hovering copter blades

    *Prickly City where the girlsquiggle and the coyotesquiggle discuss it as a right-left issue

  174. LouieLouie
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    #66 has a point. Has a relationship in the FOOBverse ended for reasons other than cheating?

  175. macb
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know about FOOB; it’s so depressing it’s not even fun to make fun of it anymore.

    I think Josh is onto something having Whirligig Warren suddenly drop in again in his chopper and split the anti-Anthony vote with Paul. By the way, are helicopters a theme this week in the comix and in Comics Curmudgeon? We have Mary Worth off to ‘Nam, whose most haunting movie is pervaded by the sound of choppers (I mean “Apocalypse Now,” even if I do make fun of if now and then), and FOOB, with the return of Warren and his whirling flying machine.

    As for voting…nah, I’m too depressed. Liz’ll probably end up with that blecchy whiney divorced creep, but then, Michael Richards, I mean Anthony, needs love too…

  176. Dynamite XI
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    #135 – I presume that you’re referring to that mid-to-late 90s “Gasoline Alley” arc where Rover left his hot fiancee for the plain chick that he knew as a kid. That pissed me off to no end, and thankfully my paper dropped the strip shortly after.

  177. Richard Onley
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    #156: “I’d like to see April hook up with Nikki the starfish-haired boy.
    “If that happened, I could forgive Lynn for anybody she hooks up with Liz.”

    To hell with the trifecta of wussitude–I’m voting for Liz and Elvis!

  178. Suicide_Blonde
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    It’s very clear to me how Liz’s love triangle needs to be resolved. Paul brainwashes her and turns her to the Dark Side. Using the bait of a lifetime supply of cinnamon buns, they lure Granthony to their isolated love shack, where they saw open his skull and dine on his brain while he’s still alive.

    Oh, wait. That’s the ending of Hannibal. Never mind.

  179. MGArchitect
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    Like many others here, I’m impresed with our coordinated efforts at skewing an online poll for our bidding. Perhaps we can also somehow elect Josh the next dictator-for-life of Venezuela or Togo or something.

  180. Cornwhacker
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    Maybe, just maybe, when Liz “works it out” with Paul and Susan, they all decide to have an open relationship; so Liz gets Paul and Warren and Anthony, all happily frozen in time forevermore.


  181. Poteet
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    # 174 — LouieLouie, it has never been clear to me why Liz broke up with Granthony after high school (not that I’ve given it much thought). But I’m 99% sure it had nothing to do with cheating. Terminal boredom would have been my guess.

    # 178 — EEWWW! I didn’t plan to see HANNIBAL anyway, but that really settles it. Thanks for the warning, Blonde.

  182. Lettuce
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    Okay, something is seriously wrong with the Foobvote. Anthony is down to 20%, Warren up to 30% and lyin’ cheatin’ Paul is up to 48%. Which adds up to… 98%.

    How? Is there an undervote? There’s only one question, so what exactly are the undecideds clicking? I demand to see chads.

    I’ll betcha 10 bucks (13 Canadian) that those missing votes will somehow wind up helping a last-minute Anthony rally with both Paul and Warren winding up behind Pat Buchanan. Then, dammit, there’ll be mandate enough for Johnstone to put Liz in the Moustache’s arms, spend away Gordon’s surplus and get Portrait Magazine involved in an ill-advised war with Iraq.

  183. Suicide_Blonde
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    Poteet: That ending’s from the book. The movie’s version is different (still has brain-eating, but no brainwashing).

  184. HBGlord
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    #135, 176 — But didn’t Gina, who i recall as being drawn überhott, turn out to be a jealous, fiery-tempered Eye-talian stereotype (Scancarelli sellin’ out his peeps?) who subsequently got into a green-eyed, bra-strap-popping catfight with Rover’s then-platonic ladyfriend Hoogy, practically forcing the lad into his childhood mate’s arms? At least there was character-driven conflicct in that GA scenario. Lynn’s characters are a new thing altogether: hot-air balloons made of cardboard.

  185. MGArchitect
    January 10th, 2007 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    #182 Lettuce:

    The final 2% is Ralph Nader just like in 2000.

  186. Joemanji
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    How hasn’t anyone mentioned what #96 brought up? For sale???

    Imagine what kind of gigglish mischief we could get into! So, who’s going to be Mr. Moneybags and sponsor the dream?

  187. apostate
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    Re: Liz deserves to be stuck with a loser like Anthony.

    I totally disagree. Liz deserves someone who will treat her with contempt and bring home an assortment of delightful venereal diseases. Since Anthony is unlikely to find a third woman who would sleep with him, the correct choice must be Paul Wright or Howard Erk.

  188. Poteet
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    # 183 — Again, I thank you for the warning, Blonde. Now I know the book would be too much for me also:-).

    1/11 FW — I don’t know why that mother is so worried. Her baby is growing so absurdly fast that he’ll be totally out of her house and ready to start his MBA by the time he’s eight. Meanwhile, I probably shouldn’t touch on this delicate subject, having no personal experience, but it seems like maybe breastfeeding would be easier for a one-armed woman than doing the formula thing.

  189. Dynamite XI
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    #184 – You make a good point, but at the time it felt…..forced. It seemed like Scancarelli added in Gina’s jealousy to speed up the reunion with Hoogy.

    Unless I’m mistaken (which is a possibility, since I’m trying to remember an insignificant comic strip arc from the 1990s), Gina participated in the plot to rescue an amnesiac Rover from some power-hungry con men or something like that. I dunno; it seemed like a sure thing (to me, anyway) at the time.

    But in comparison to FOOB, I’ll concede that the character-driven arc in GA was slightly better than the current Granthony situation. But it still sucked.

  190. Ten Day Dinosaur
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    Just so you all know (and to distract us from the glorious slow motion trainwreck that is FBOFW these days)… There is a very steep cliff with a really pathetic guardrail on it near my house. The road in the area is steep and hilly. I have access to booze. Anyhow, back to the current day.

    It occurs to me that if Lynn’s going to time freeze it, Liz doesn’t actually have to end up with anyone. Maybe we’ll be stuck in a limbo where she bounces between the three, and nothing is ever resolved. I’m just saying – I despise the Cinnabunned Mundane One, but there are worse things…

  191. Uncle Lumpy
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker – Ooooh, I don’t trust this Cedric Hart!

    Not one little bit!

  192. Bombcar
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    190: It’s been done. It’s called Archie.

    Anyway, we’re winning.

  193. Bobdog
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    A3G – “Does your ballon ever land?” Frankly, I think we’re being pandered to.

    MF – Okay, okay, time to take the booze away from the duck. The moment he starts sounding like a liberal, it really is time to cut it off. If he keeps up with this New Years “resolution” binge, he’ll be making out with Hugo Chazev by the end of the week.

    MW – Ella’s advice so far seems to have consisted of “visit your son in jail” and “stick with your wife and kid” — “travel to a 3rd world country where you don’t speak the language to seek out a single missing individual” might not really be what she was going for.

  194. Trotzenbonnie
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    Thursday’s FBOFW – Liz flew all the way to Megetwacky just to cough up one of Shiiiiiiimsa’s hairballs.

  195. Trotzenbonnie
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    188 – Your instincts are correct. Breastfeeding would be the logical choice. I cannot imagine filling and capping bottles or fooling with those crazy plastic bags if I only had one arm. Compound the pandemonium by adding a screaming hungry infant into the mix. It would be pretty funny to watch Becky trying to wedge nipples into the ring caps though.

  196. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    Well, the good news is, it looks like we won’t have the self-righteous violence this time. Though Lizard’s expression in panel 3 would make even Molly understand hostility! Panel 4, though, she has the expression that fits her aimless MtigGuffin-home-whining about being home period. Like I said, aggressive-passive.

    But GAH!! It’s…AUGHH!! ….They’re both there, doing nothing sexual or even romantic, Lizard’s being coldly formal, Paul has a dopey-guilty look… Bad “early-late” (not-even-)pun… Good grog it’s dumb!

  197. Trixie Belden
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    171 LouieLouie & 181 Poteet – The reason no one can remember the Liz/Anthony breakup after high school is because it was probably one of the last few true-to-life events in the strip. As I recall, Liz had just been “at university”, as I think Canadians phrase it, a few months. I think I remember a strip showing her sitting, thinking something along the lines of “should I write to Anthony? I haven’t heard from him in weeks – I just won’t bother.”. That was it. No tragic twist of fate, no unfortunate misunderstanding. They just drifted apart. So Poteet’s guess of terminal boredom was very close to the mark.

    In fact, for me, one of the (myriad) reasons that make the whole Blandthony/Liz coupling so annoying is because it makes no sense (not that it matters to Johnston) given the Liz/Blandthony relationship as it was actually depicted back in the day. They weren’t that “intense” a couple. Anthony was a boyfriend with a very heavy emphasis on the friend part of the word. They were usually shown just hanging around together, with perhaps an occasional awkward yet tender little kiss, blah, blah, blah. Often, Liz was annoyed because Anthony would rather spend his time goofing off with his buddies than go out with her. I don’t remember any suggestion that they wanted to go to the same university to be together. They just drifted apart after they went to separate schools, which I think is what happens with nine out of ten high school relationships, and you know what? Nine times out of ten, it’s a good thing that it does.

    So, when Anthony was brought back into the strip a few years ago with all these wistful, yearning though balloons about Liz drawn over his head, I was annoyed and puzzled right away, thinking ” what the [Margo]? They simply weren’t that interested in each other after high school, but now she’s his long lost love?” He apparently wasn’t haunted enough by his love for Liz to prevent him proposing marriage to some other woman. Of course, that other woman in question was the evil, baby-hatin’ nympho Therese, so she doesn’t count.

  198. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:10 am [Reply]


    Lizard’s expression in panel 3 would make even Molly understand hostility!

    Um…. don’t mind me; just doing some COTW pandering….

  199. XFBOFW
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    I don’t understand how the “freezing” is going to work – no mention of birthdays, no mention of age, of change, no new relationships, GRANDPA stays senile and alive forever…so it becomes a gag script of the dumbest kind = “I hate Mondays…” jokes and the like.

    That is supposed to be the “experiment” she looks forward to in her old age?

    Lynn, if you read these comments (and we know you do now that you see we hijacked the survey) please do the right thing, and at least let go of the hostage April, let her GO and have a life, she can still grow, don’t freeze her at the moment her sexual urges are just kicking in with her soon-to-be-adult mind, and she sees the chance to bolt from home. License the character out at least, let someone else have a chance with a parallel universe!

  200. Lynngineering
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    I don’t understand – Liz has been having a relationship right? I mean, that is why she doesn’t expect the Mountie to be mountin’ anyone else. But her friend, the faithful driver, tells her she has a guestroom by THEM all prepared, and a peice of symbolic pie in the oven… Wow. Who today has a pen-pal relationship, doesn’t stay when visiting in the same place with their supposed potential husband? I mean, is she that repressed? That is scary – Mitwikgikiians must have fun with her – the only virgin in town comes from the “big city”…

  201. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    #197: The way I remember it, it seemed like it was a nice relationship-in-the-making, but Liz just drifted into indifference. So, later, she was ready to re-connect with Blanthony, this time feeling all lovey-dovey – and there he was, with the contrived 3rd wheel ( ™ Every sexual-tention-themed sitcom badly ripping off Sam & Diane), Therese.

    And that’s when Liz-Blanthony became The Storyline That Needs To Die!

  202. Lynngineering
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    Also, if this isn’t bizarrely indicative of her worldview, has the FBOFW comics in color, but Lynn’s own official website has the same panels in black-and-white?

  203. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    #201: All the trouble I went through getting the trademark thingy and special effects right, and I misspell “tension”?? AAAAUGHH!!!

  204. Trixie Belden
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    # 200 Lynngineering – Excellent point! I had completely missed the implication of the guestroom at the driver’s house – but yeah, Paul works there now, right? So, he must have some sort of place of his own. Heck, Liz “lived with” Eric, but now she can’t even have the same “arrangement” with Paul? Yet another reason to hate the foobiverse.

  205. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    Ooookay, finally getting to the rest of:


    A3G: “Does your balloon ever land?!” That’s a great line, Magee! Perfectly apt. Would make a great t-shirt, too.

    FC: Uh, Billy… The Blondie crossovermania was over a long time ago. Let it go, will ya?

    BBlues: And the full-on Ted-Forthification has begun…

    H&L: Debbie Downer

    MT: Damn place-holders. Even the creature (a kangaroo? LoFo isn’t in Austrailia, is it?) looks so bored waiting that he wants to bolt… and is pleading with the reader for guidance.

    Preteena: Teena’s sister’s no MST3K fan, is she?

    RMMD: Well, Elvis’s conscience didn’t last long, did it?

  206. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    #205: Hmmmmm… “Austrailia”. I should’ve known!

  207. Booper
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    Foobville — Is it just me, or is “Cuuuuuming!” not the best way for Susan to answer the door, given the circumstances?

    Just asking.

  208. WaltWallet1CC
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    Well, after casting my vote, Paul is at a comfy 49% while eternally, bland, wimpy loser Anthony is down to 19%. :D Here’s hoping we aren’t uh, treated to wedded bliss and gridlock, lizardbreath and crumbstache style, with the occasional cliche’d drama from the ex or, or…maybe another custody battle to spice things up which could strain the marriage in interesting ways! Oh how fun, Funky style almost.

    As for Warren, Johnston doesn’t care about him at this point so I guess neither should we. I actually thought the teaching story in the north territory was well done and am kinda bummed it didn;t end with Liz and Warren marrying later which would have felt like a natural outcome.

  209. Plasma
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    I was going to say something, but then I realized I don’t pay enough attention to know any female characters in foob except for two, and I don’t know quite how a demand for lesbian statutory-rape incest would go down, so I’ll just treat you all to my thought process instead of to a completed sentiment.

  210. WaltWallet1CC
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:43 am [Reply]

    I forgot to add….

    “The characters will in essence be frozen in time; for example, Ellie Patterson’s father, Jim, who has been suffering the depredations of age, will remain forever old.”

    Wow. That’s just plain morbid. Poor Jim will be the second most undead senior citizen next to Walt Wallet! In response to Johnston sending Jim into further purgatory, instead of endlessly pretending he will eventually allow the senior Wallet to die “naturally,” I say Jim Scancarelli should 1-Up this bold move of hers by revealing that Walt is actually a Vulcan thereby allowing him to outlive even Skeezix and the entire population of Gasoline Alley.

  211. Mr. O’Malley
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:56 am [Reply]

    207. Plus, it’s recycled from “Porgie! Porgie Tirebiter!”

    …”He’s so good with the servants, Fred!”
    “Stop calling me Fred, my name’s Adolf!”

  212. ChefMike
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    Tuesday we saw Dennis making a Margaret sandwich. And today young Billy Keane is making a Cookie sandwich it’s my guess that Dagwoood would not be jealous, rather, he’d be outraged, as ‘Cookie’ is his teenage daughter.

  213. Mr. O’Malley
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:18 am [Reply]

    SF: My advice is to strap your board to your back and hitch a ride in your wetsuit.

    Actually, from my experience dating a woman from Surf City, I found out that even if there really were two swinging honeys for every guy, an awful lot of them are lesbians, which lowers the odds quite a bit.

  214. Mr. O’Malley
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:27 am [Reply]

    MF‘s worked himself into a bit of a bind. Wasn’t he saying what a great place Walmart is? (I can’t get back any further than the stupid Christmas food stuff to look for it.) But if he’s not going to buy anything made in China, that’s not going to leave much to do there.

    They have a Communist government in Vietnam too. Why does he still allow himself to buy stuff from Vietnam? Perhaps he doesn’t want to endanger Mary’s trip.

  215. Mr. O’Malley
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:40 am [Reply]

    The rest of the world catches up—more on pho.

    Turns out it’s not an ancient dish, but a 1950s-era syncretic product of the French occupation of Vietnam, which introduced the notion of boiling beef in a pot au feu (which may be the origin of the name).

  216. Binky Betsy
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:42 am [Reply]

    #204: No, Paul does not live in Mtig. I’m unclear on whether he’s in Spruce Narrows at the moment, or still in Otter County, but the point is, his being in Mtig when Liz is not there is noteworthy enough for Gary to mention it.

    And I recall Lizthony’s official breakup as his coming to the bookstore when Elly was taking it over from Lily. He and Liz agreed that after weeks (months) of no communication, they didn’t have whatever they had had any more. What I especially remember is that Liz was wearing overalls at the time and looked about 12. LJ really has an overalls fetish, it seems.

  217. Basil Wrathbone
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:19 am [Reply]

    Foob: That was it? THAT WAS IT? I haven’t seen such a dud climax since the first time Chinbeard and Toeby did the vertical meddlers’ bop.

  218. Red Greenback
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:32 am [Reply]

    International Pho Conference?…Cancel my rhumba lessons!…I am SO très beaucoup there!

  219. Lynngineering
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: Ok, finally read the update. This is going to take seven days of lousy fourth panel lines…
    This Liz is borderline crazy material for sure.

    But you gotta love the double-entendre as announcement that she “knows”:

    “Paul’s car is in your driveway.”

    Indeed, Liz, Paul’s car has been going in and out and in and out and in and out of her driveway, and at all times of day and night, for a while now…

    Go back to the guestroom of whats-their-name’s house and think about it…

  220. Loppie Scaduto
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    TDIET Jan 11: Alf says “Hi, Barfo… Lula…”

    No no no. It’s

    Be Barfo Lula
    [She's my baby...]

  221. Summerhouse
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    #133 Dingo – I’m extremely well aware that AIDS is not exclusively, or even primarily, in terms of growth in some parts of the world, a gay man’s disease. My first choice in my imaginary scenario was to have Susan living with HIV/AIDS, but then I decided that in a town as small and isolated as Mitzigaynor, it would be hard to keep the drug regimen quiet, despite HIPPA laws, and also, what kind of mandatory testing does the school board require…? That’s right. I spend both time and brain cells trying to bring verisimilitude to my CC posts. So, that being too complicated, I wandered on to the gay brother idea. Plus, I needed to finish that post because I had some things I wanted to say about Theodore and Castoria.

  222. Sheilagh
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Delighted to see Anthony’s getting pasted in the poll this morning! Paul’s ahead, the low-down cheatin’ hound dog. I voted for Warren, but if Liz wants to give Paul a good kick and then forgive him, that’s still TONS better than settling for Pornstache.

  223. jules
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    That was it?! Liz is going to dump the Mountie over THIS?! Paul and Susan are both fully clothed – in LAYERS, for God’s sake! But Ste. Liz is going to be all UPSET, because none of her herd of boyfriends are allowed to have female friends, and here I am on the internet registering my displeasure. Oh dear God I’ve turned into Comic Store Guy. Ah well, a hundred tacos should provide adequate sustenance for the Doctor Who marathon…

  224. John C Fremont
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    A little off topic, but today’s Zippy made me think of Warren Zevon.

    Requiescat in pace, brother.

  225. Paul
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Can we vote for her to switch to the other team? I mean, can popular demand make LizardBreath a lesbian? FBOFW is already gay-friendly real estate.

    If not, can we vote for her to have an affair with a dentist from another strip, say, Walt from Zits? There would be some uncomfortable associations with LizardBreath’s relationship with her own dad. That might be more fun.

  226. Meander
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    9CL : Juliette’s being…inappropriate again this week. God love her cougar self.

    Get Fuzzy: “More delicate flowers in your family tree than a Dutch greenhouse…” That’s a keeper.

    MF : Where does HE live? That boat has sailed, old boy. ThinkPads are Chinese, now, and MacBooks ship from Shanghai.

  227. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    I know this has been mentioned already, but Margo’s balloon comment in A3G just proves that she is the dizzy broad, with a mean streak thrown in – not Luann.
    This statement coming from someone who wanted GOBS of tinsel. No, wait, sorry-that was GOBS and GOBS. Two GOBS are always better than one.

  228. Summerhouse
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    #221 – Me, again. Not that I meant “Oh, to hell with humans, gay or straight, and their silly HIV/AIDS, I have beavers to talk about, so I’m just going to make up a gay brother.” I think unresolved grief in families that haven’t dealt with a child’s sexuality or death from AIDS does occurr, and is very real. OK, and now I’m going to work.

  229. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    MW – Mary is the tiny little woman today, in panel one.
    And who is that in the picture frame behind Mary and kept-trophy-wife Toby? Could that be…Ella?
    Whomever posts the Yo-God MW mashups, keep ‘em coming! (apologies to Paul and Sussass in FOOB for that last comment.)

    BTW, I think it’s kinda funny the manpoll was hijacked.

  230. compass rose
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    120, 133, 221 Summerhouse, your alternative plotline idea re gay brother dying of AIDS was perfect BECAUSE it is a tired plot device, outdated since 1985. EXACTLY the sort of thing Lynn Johnston would think of to try to be topical, 20 years too late. (Lynn, the working woman who thinks real women should quit their jobs and stay home with their kids and never mind what guy is going to support them all.)
    Phew! And yes, I voted for Paul.

  231. Maggot
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    #133 Thanks Dingo.That was needed.

  232. Jeff
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    LOL @ #49 – you rule. I’d say “stick it to her,” but “it” would probably just bounce off Lynn’s lard-laiden tuckus.

    Speaking of which – does anyone suspect that Mz. Johnson – and by extension the parental foobs – is secretly into some heavy BDSM off-panel?

  233. smacky
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    I’m commenting on something that I saw in the same vein that an elderly woman who snarks on this site may take the comments toward Ella Byrd.

    Dingo, now THAT would be funny:

    “As an elderly, advice-giving woman with paranormal powers, I have to say I’m offended with this board’s treatment of Ms. Ella Byrd…”

  234. Concerned Citizen
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:35 am [Reply]


    Seriously, why not vote for him? It’s like driving a stake into the heart of a vampire. DIE FOOB DIE

  235. ianscot
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]


    Today’s Family Circus is essentially some sort of incest joke about Dagwood and his daughter, Cookie. Either that or Billy’s after cookie himself.

    Now we know which comics character Bil (and Jeffy?) Keane have the hots for, anyway.

  236. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    I just voted (for Warren, Paul has wisely moved on) and I saw the results. Yeah, Granthony has slid down pretty far. But I hear his brother goes hunting with Justice Scalia, so he’s probably in.

  237. True Fable
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    FBo FW Liz got there too late for what? To catch them naked and in the midst of the act? Another potlatch in her honor?

    Here’s a theory: Paul isn’t cheating, but he’ll be so hurt/ childish/ offended by her suspicions (“you don’t trust me!” he wailed!) that he will call off the romance himself. This will still effectively break Liz’s heart, and she’ll get to be the tragic heroine after all.

    Pew. It smells of foobinity.

  238. blacknosugar
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    I believe my pilot-father used to have a hat that said “Helicopter pilots do it better”. I’m blacknosugar and I approve this message.

  239. McManx
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Paul is indeed diddling Susan; Liz dumps him and runs back to Anthony. However, in a plea bargain, Liz’s rapist confesses that Anthony hired him to fake the rape so Anthony could intercede and appear “manly.” Horrified, Liz dumps Anthony, who responds by kidnapping her. Re-enter Paul, who as a Mounty, joins the posse and gets to deliver a well-deserved bullet to Anthony’s brain. Warren reappears to fly Liz back home, but tragically Liz is decapitated by the rotor as she approaches Warren’s helicopter. Thus we are all saved the ultimate farce of Liz’s marriage to Anthony.

  240. Dji
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    It hardly bears noting, given that this is FOOBwurld, but does LB have to end up with a man? She could go through life alone, a sad, wrinkling pear in a barren still life. Or she could find a babe and make sweet, hot, pear-on-pear-shaped love. Open your minds, editors of the Toronto Star.

  241. Foobaphobe
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    I voted for Anthony, because he’s got lots more room in his basement dungeon for Liz and April. In fact, I now realize who Anthony is – he’s The Master, from Manos: The Hands of Fate! He’ll soon have 6 “wives” chained in that basement. John will end up as his Torgo, answering the door and turning away inquisitive cops or tourists.

    Suddenly, it all makes sense.

  242. will
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    “There will be a back and forth in time process in which we’ll freeze all the characters. Nobody will get older,” she said.

    Dammit, I thought I’d be done with this postmodern “elastic time” crap when I finished the new Pynchon novel. Lynn Johnston is the last person I would have expected this from. In future episodes of FBOFW, neo-Farley will learn to speak, April will nearly drown in mayonnaise, and John and Elly will await silent Granthony’s empire.

  243. willethompson
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    #141 – Sally! This is for you!! And I’m straight!!!

    I normally weigh in on the fecund happenings of JP or RMMD, but the Foobitairans have briefly converted me to their seductive cult. I’ll take a moment to sip the Kool-Aid and get this out of my brain where it has been fermenting far too long.

    So…raise your pitcher of Labatt’s and please welcome that other Canadian icon, Mr. Gordon Lightfoot. It’s all here – epic sorrow, bad internal rhymes, forced rhthyms. The only thing left to do is cue the whiny guitar…

    The (train)Wreck of the Frigid Miss Lizzy

    The legend lives on from Mtigwaki on down
    Of the ice queen that they call Frigid Lizzie…
    Her hips, they all say, have a seductive sway
    That puts Maple Leaf men in a tizzy…

    She’s about as much fun as a date with a nun,
    I guess I don’t see the attraction.
    She’ll smile and tease, make you say pretty please,
    But you ain’t getting no satisfaction.

    Her boyfriends, it’s known, have a yen to go roam
    ‘bout a month after getting to know her..
    She might let you touch her Ontarian tush
    But, trust me, you won’t get no further.

    The natives were told that she would uphold
    Her contract to be their schoolteacher.
    She tried for a year, then said “I’m outta here!”
    And then she departed by ‘copter.

    The lure, we did see, of the RCMP
    Didn’t keep her in town like they counted.
    So when she said “adieu!” to the cop, you just knew
    Paul would find other ways to stay Mounted.

    Warren, you foob, keep your eyes off her boob!
    That’s the quickest route to perdition!
    Keep your joystick in hand, get the copter to land,
    Push her out and take off in one motion!

    So the Moustache’s fate is to be her soul mate,
    The poll in The Star will confirm it.
    But Anthony, you ass, take care what you ask
    For you know that you surely will get it!
    Or not…

    (whiny guitar fades out…)

    PS – Dingo, your posts are a hoot. LMAO funny.

  244. Professor Fate
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    FOOB:AAAAGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Stupid isn’t big enough a word for this ham fisted sub-moron Nitwit level so full of dumb cliches that the other cliches laugh at it during break in the cliche lounge ‘plot’ . And you keep asking why? Why? Why the dull boring dishwater I’m really only waiting for death because I lack the guts to end my own existance accountant and his strange pale child that came from whining?

    And then there is the head exploding weirdness of Lynn Johnson running a studio and a business with (female) employees and the whole 9 yards saying a woman should be at home. And then say I was raised in the 50′s to explain it. Betty Friedan was born in 1922 so stick it in your ear Lynn.

    Last thought cause I have to go hit my head on the desk for while – in the FOOB remix strip (ahhhh!!!) I suspect we will be treated to things like Anthony and Liz sitting in their basement with the child safely chained up looking at pictures “See” the moustashed one will say “Here’s a picture of me the day I first whined to you about my first wife”
    at which point we will all gather pikes and torches and burn the stuido down.

  245. SpearmintKitten
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    As of right now, Granthony has dipped to 18% in the poll, with Paul at 49% and Warren at 33%.

    Go Curmudgeonites!

  246. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow + :

    Paul gets out of in-shock mode and challenges Lizfoob: “Hey, waitaminnit! Me and Suds aren’t doing anything! It…it’s like you can’t stand to let me even talk to another woman! You’re just like an abusive, possessive man. Like a… stalker!

    Liz is first offended, then quizical. “How can you say that?”, she sputters. Paul: “How did the Eric fiasco end…?” Sheepishly, “…with violence”, says Liz. Thinking. Liz, again: “Hey, wait a minute… Paul, you were alittle stalkerish at first…wait!… ssso was Eric… and Anthony has stalker tendencies, too…. aw, hell, Howard Bunt was a stone-cold stalker!………(metaphorically shrinking Liz)…omigod.”

    Epiphanies are hard, Elizabeth.

  247. Patrick
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Paul keeps surging ahead! I really hope that Lyn has it in her to make Liz a gigantic fool in all of this, and that she’ll lose every single guy who was interested in her, have to live in her parents’ basement and eat bomb shelter food for the rest of her life.

  248. Dingo
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    willethompson #243: I’m answering this on the thread where it began (#898) but I’ll also post it on the most recent. It’s too bad there have been two (three?!?) new threads in the short time since you gave us your Gordon Lightfoot-inspired ballad but I think it’s great and shouldn’t be missed! Very well-written and I was able to sing it to the melody. Might be good I was at home at the time.

  249. Anonymous
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    244, Professor Fate: I forget which other thing you said that one time that made me so happy, but what you just said now made me *really* happy.

  250. parkyakarkus
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    #241: Oh, my god, it makes perfect sense…but, then…where is Torgo?!?

  251. ugarte
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Paul is currently at 48%; Granthony has dropped to 18%. Johnston better start voting more often to save her storyline.

  252. mon-ma-tron
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Okay, after reading all 200+ comments to make sure I’m not repeating something, here I am, pointing out that the poll describes Warren as “helicopter pilot,” Paul as “policeman,” and Granthony as “old flame.”

    ??? WTF?!?! I guess Pornstashe’s job description wasn’t sexy enough? C’mon “used car salesman” is hott t t! Or, wait, how about “bun inspector?” I think they sell those next to the “FBI (female body inspector)” t-shirts.

    Okay, nevermind. I’m off to the new post.

  253. Poteet
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    # 243 — BWAHAHAHA! I do like Gordon Lightfoot, snark-fodder though he is, and I do amazing renditions of his songs in the shower (NOT good renditions, just amazing), so this excellent version really hit the spot. Thanks, willethompson.

  254. topliff
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Really? Farley has been dead less than two years? It can’t be – it seems like decades. Real time my foot…or maybe fourteen dog years; that seems more like it. Woof!

  255. Paul
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    I wanna vote for Elizabeth to end up with Howard, but he’s not one of the choices.

    What’s worse, Howard is not even listed in the Who’s Who on the official FBOFW website, even though there are characters in that Who’s Who I have never heard about before.

    Anyone wanna join me in a write-in campaign for Howard?

  256. Scoopernicus
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    I see Anthony is being left behind in the latest poll. He’s got an anemic 19% at this point.

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