Metapost: I am immature
If you spend your free time shoehorning innuendo into perfectly innocent Rex Morgan, M.D., dialogue, do you end up an emotional cripple who reacts to everything in the world at the emotional level of an eleven-year-old? Based on the junior-high-esque giggle fit into which I was sent by the flyer below, which I found tucked into my mail slot this morning, I’d have to say that the answer is “yes.” (I added the circles for emphasis.)
Anyway, I felt I had to share this with all of you, since you’re the only ones who’d understand. Most people, I’d just show it to them and they’d say, “I don’t understand. You don’t even have a garage.” And then I’d laugh some more.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
ATTENTION EARTHERS! PREPARE FOR THE LIQUIFICATION OF YOUR BOWELS! CHENNUX IS HACKED! AND DO YOU KNOW WHY? HUH? HUH?? TWO REASONS!
FIRST, THE ONE CALLED JOSH HAS NOT SELECTED ANY OF CHENNUX’S ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR COTW! SINCE WHEN IS THREATENING TO CHAR AN EARTHER TO SMOKY CINDERS NOT COMIC GOLD? IT GETS BIG YUKS BACK ON ZYVEX! THE ONE CALLED JOSH, HEAR AND TREMBLINGLY OBEY!
SECOND, CHENNUX’S FOREIGN FILM “I AM CURIOUS: KLGNOR!” WAS SHUT OUT OF THE OSCARS! OH, SURE #28 LESLES INVOKES CHENNUX IN ENLIGHTENED SELF-INTEREST, AND FOR THAT SHE WILL BE SPARED! BUT FOR THE REST OF YOU…PAIN AND MISERY!
CHENNUX IS NOW BLASTING EARTH WITH STUPID RAYSâ„¢! AND THEY ARE ALREADY HAVING AN EFFECT!
A3G JUST GETS MORE STUPID!
“GHOST RIDER” TOPS BOX OFFICE RETURNS FOR TWO STRAIGHT WEEKS!
SEE? SHAPE UP, EARTHERS! PRIMARY SEASON IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!
END TRANSMISSION!
February 26th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
“Faith-driven garage cleaning?” Who is ‘Faith?’ Don’t they mean JUNE-driven garage cleaning?
And if not, will Abba sing ‘Mama Mia!’ and ‘Dancing Queen’ while they do it?
In other news, my 12 year old son, when told that his room (not his garage) was not cleaned to proscribed standards, muttered “margoboxcarsaturn” under his breath.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
CHENNUX is a hard act to follow, but I just gotta ask, “Isn’t there a little garage in all of us?”
February 26th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Pray to your deity for your two level 5 spells of “Clean Garage” per day.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
I dare you to call them and ask if the “Landscaping” includes a Brazilian wax.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Snow removal for the older gray ladies… me-ow
February 26th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Sometimes a cigar is just a smoke. (I guess the honeymoon is indeed over)
BARK! BARK! BARK!
February 26th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
You Mama so fat, when she gets a Brazilian wax, she has to call a landscaper!…Sorry, all week, try the veal, tip waitress, etc.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Senior citizen discount is promising. Show this flyer to Mary Worth and she can stop hounding Doctor Jeff for sexual favors. I would say she’s one of those old rich people who is, for whatever reason, very cheap… that’s probably true but they do give people of her age a discount, so… bring on the shovels.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
A good garage cleaning truly can be “God-inspired,” in my opinion. However, I would never pay anyone for such services when I can get them for free with a little persuasion!
February 26th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Excellent workmanship … with attention to detail, I reckon! Heh heh heh heh heh.
But … what is “trash removal basement”? “Trash removal” sounds like it’s modifying “basement.” That is, if you were to ask “What kind of basement do you have?” I would answer “I have a TRASH-REMOVAL basement!” I’m imagining that you throw the trash down there and it evaporates before it hits the ground. Like G.E. Chennux is practising his marksmanship. WHICH IS A GOOD THING, your Excellency!
Anyway. Excellent Workmanship. How much Stamina do they have for Hauling? Heh heh heh heh heh.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Does “faith-driven” garage cleaning mean that once they’re done, you’ll be shouting, “Amen, praise the Lord, take me to the “promised land”?
February 26th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Wait, I guess you’d be actually shouting that WHILE they’re “cleaning your garage”…
February 26th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Perky bird, you’d be shouting that if the garage were properly cleaned, and maybe, just maybe, prior to a good waxing of its floor.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Faith-driven garage cleaning means payment is required in advance.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
TFS
TMI
February 26th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Misquoting the long lamented college band, “Hot Nuts” on faith based garage cleaning.
My son asked me, “can you get to heaven with your feet in the air?”
I said, “sure, but why do you ask?”
He said, “Cuz Ma was out in the garage with her feet in the air yelling, ‘Holy Moses! I’m coming.’ ”
He added, “and you know, she’s have made it if Abba’s ash hauling guy wasn’t holding her down.”
Botta Boom…
February 26th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Any business that advertises as”Faith based” always struck me as being abiguious as to the quality of their work, In essence: “If our quality of Earthy work is not up to snuff on this plane, ‘Who cares!’..our rewards all will be given in Eternal LIfe”…Yeah, that’s just me.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
I can hardly pass judgment on another person’s giggle fit considering my own reaction to the phrase “…which I found tucked into my mail slot this morning.”
February 26th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Adding a little extra quease factor to all this is the fact that “Abba,” in this context, is not a reference to a Swedish pop band; it’s how Jesus refers to God the Father.
So… Daddy wants to clean your garage!
Ewwww. I have to go take a shower.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Just finished the 456 comment Saturday/Sunday thread. Hee hee! Priceless. Not only did I get to read everyone’s outrage at FW, but I got an extra 160 comments leading up to the Great Hoax of 2007 (it’s still only February). Old Fogeyette I, too, wondered if Batiuk wasn’t just pulling our CC chain. But you’ve got the right to crow, Ms. Parker. Red Greenback great, great “Red, Red Wine†parody. Too bad you got punk’d. Moon Mullins Applause! Applause! for “Rte. 66â€. Poteet it used to irk me that I was working the day shift and you the night shift but now I’d be happy if we were even on the same days. All this running and panting gets old. I like your Lynn is “stirring the charcoal briquettes in a grill.†Nice. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener Back in December, when the numbers got all screwed up (thanks, in part, to my tripping over the spam filter), I decided to always list comment number and author. That way, it’s easy to find the right comment even if the numbers are off by a couple. Except today, of course – I’ve still got
threefour [thank you very much, Josh!] threads to go. Pant.Back in two more hours, I guess.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
#19 – They can get mail in those?
February 26th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
I have to wonder how God-inspired, faith-driven lawn services work. Is there a passage in the Bible that reads “and thou shalt landscape thy neighbor’s fertile lands, if thou knowest what I mean?”
February 26th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Alas, Chennux has been snubbed by the Academy yet again. I think we should throw a little party for our exalted leader. It’s lonely at the top. I think His Mighty Frnxloptz needs us.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
#21-gh: Thanks for the props! Yeah, I knew that parody would give a lot of Mudges an R.J. Brennan- style flat top.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
18 Red Greenback
So by that logic, B.C. is a “faith based” cartoon where the artist is ambiguous as to the quality of his work. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/2/17&name=BC
Oh, no wait. I guess you’re right.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
I do hope this site posts its terminated Wikipedia listing as an FAQ, as one poster has suggested.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Sure, it’s a goofy flyer, but it’s so darned sincere. Sincerity as far as the eye can see!
#23 – Rhekarid, you are hysterical. In a good way, that is. Pretty sure there are no Biblical references to garage cleaning, but I’ll check into it.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Garage cleaning is even better when you don’t have a garage.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Methinks that “Faith Based Garage Cleaning: Senior Discount” will soon be made into a T-shirt.
It should be, anyway!
February 26th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Reprising and revising my comments from the previous thread….
First of all, it is plum unfair that Family Circus addresses “garage cleaning” on a Sunday, so it is unavailable on the Internets along with all the other wealth of Judge Parker-inspired porn that is surely out there for all I know but have no desire to learn first-hand, so to speak.
Secondly, thank you June Parker for teaching me to find the “G” Spot in the “G”arage. (Or that’s a “Car Hole” if you’re Moe Szyslak or eat Freedom Fries.)
February 26th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
I’d be interested in Abba’s technique in power washing with Vagisil.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
#26 Saxman- In the words Of Tuli Kupferberg (The Fugs); “Life is funny, life is free. Got all those goodies comin’ to me”
February 26th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
MW – Thank goodness, that plane finally landed. There’s no place like home. But shouldn’t Mary have taken Dr. Jeff to In-n-Out Burger right after they picked up their luggage?
February 26th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070225&name=Family_Circus
There’s the Sunday Family Circus with garage cleaning for those who missed it.
To get to Sunday color comics on the Chron, view that comic individually on Saturday or Monday or something and manually change the date in the URL. I know this has been mentioned before but it is key. All Mudges deserve to see Daddy and Billy get all creepy about their garages.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
If by “Faith” they mean the Buffy character, and if they mean I get to clean her garage…well, I already used the “I’ll be in my bunk” signoff, so I’ll have to think of something more clever.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Nope. Nothing. Sorry.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
I am actually curious now about ABBA’s stand on “Herring Packing”
February 26th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
#1 Chennux: THANK YOU, your emperor overlordship for blasting us with stupid rays! Not that I particularly want to be more stupid, but I’m just so grateful to have an explanation for why it’s happening anyway!
Pre-#1 Josh: Thank you too, for posting the flyer. As a senior citizen who likes to get her garage cleaned frequently, it’s good to know I have someone to rely on in an emergency, like if Mr. Fogeyette goes out of town. But the “faith-based” part worries me, because I have always thought that term actually meant “delusional.”
#21 gh: I STILL think the video-game non-fatal non-IED was a shoutout to us curminions.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
#23 – Rhekarid, you are hysterical. In a good way, that is. Pretty sure there are no Biblical references to garage cleaning, but I’ll check into it.
I’m not into the Bible but I heard “The Song of Song” has lots of semi-pornographic bits. Even about garage cleaning.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
On the flyer, the guy with the shovel looks like he just picked up Max Mouse, or whatever rodent is Slylock Fox’s sidekick. Anyway, it looks like he just picked up a dead rat on his shovel. Is that just me?
February 26th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
40 bootsybooks–
If someone has a dead rat that needs to be removed their “garage”, I’d think one would charge a lot more than a “resonable rate” for that service. Eeeewwwww!
February 26th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
#2, Knowing me, knowing you it’s the least they could do.
#1, Sorry big guy. Those who push the comedy envelope don’t always get recognition in their own lifetime. Look at Norm Crosby.
February 26th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
Are we changing this blog from “I read the Comix so you don’t have too” to “I read anonymous flyers stuck under my windshield, so you don’t have to.”
Pathetic.
February 26th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
RE: Faith-driven home improvement.
A few years ago, I hired a chimney-cleaning service (OK, stop snickering). The guy arrived to give an estimate, and handed me a business card that had a little cross on it and the words “We serve Him while serving you.”
Doesn’t that mean that God should have split the bill with me?
February 26th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
have you guys heard that the japanese army has a cartoon mascott? if the u.s. army were to follow suit, which comic strip character should we use?
February 26th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
# 36 – Yes! THAT Faith! Thanks, Gadge! Forget garage cleaning – I’m taking Faith to the Trash Removal Basement. But first, I’m calling her for some Free Estimates, if you know what I mean. And I hope you do know what I mean, ’cause I haven’t the foggiest idea what I mean.
Know what I mean?
February 26th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
So Sunday’s “Lio” has him discovering a “Magic Marker.” (Daffy Duck did stuff like this in Warner’s catoons AGES ago!)
http://www.gocomics.com/lio/2007/02/25/
Monday’s “Lio” still seems to have him drawing with the marker…
http://www.gocomics.com/lio/2007/02/26/
Like the current Mark Trail, we have a predator attacking its prey. He’ll be drawing Mary Worth, next!
February 26th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
How about ditch mowing – do they do mow ditches as well? Hedge trimming? Leaf blowing?
It’s amazing how much yard work can sound dirty if you try hard enough.
February 26th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
I interpret “faith driven” as a nod to the enormous faith in divine intervention, were the senior citizen discount invoked by Mary Worth.
February 26th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Whew! Pant! Pant! Wheeze! Now that I’m all caught up, the good news is that I can now go back to not reading FW comments and productivity will go up by about 50%. The bad news is, it’s almost quitting time and I’ll start the Sisyphean slog all over again tomorrow.
Way to go Weasel Boy! I’ve always admired your work and you looked smashing on the Red Carpet with the Cubic Zirconium™ tiara and the chartreuse faux leather L’il Abner overalls with floor length ocelot boa – quite a statement that only you could pull off. I know we like to kid about being jealous of the winner, but, truly, it’s an honor just to be nominated. And lose. Again.
#48 True Fable (last thread)
You think you had it bad? I was once forbidden from watching The Man from U.N.C.L.E. because I had a bad dream about it. Now that I think of it, I think it was The Girl from U.N.C.L.E., so I probably didn’t mind so much. But it was so NOT FAIR!
#38 Old Fogeyette (this thread)
Hee hee! Thanks for reprising “curminions.â€
#40 bootsybooks
I thought it was that candy wrapper from FC. Best not touch it.
#48 fizzy logic
Makes me wonder about all those “bush hog†signs I see stapled to telephone poles around here . . .
Everyone’s already said everything there is to say about the actual comics, but thanks for the ride.
February 26th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
Poor Josh! Doesn’t even have a garage.
At least he has a male slot. (Be careful where they put those flyers, boyo. You don’t want a paper cut.)
Oh, MAIL slot. Never mind.
(”Abba” does mean “father” in Hebrew. Makes me wonder the flavor of faith invoked by the company.)
February 26th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
#48 Fizzy Logic – Oooo! Oooo! Bush trimming! Bulb forcing! Planting seed! Mower riding! Lapsnorkling!
February 26th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Smell phone.
God, I hate you. (not you, God, you’re cool with me)
February 26th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
#45, I’d have to go with June Morgan. As a mascot she’d send a message to the world. We care, we respond. But you’d better clean our garage, but good.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
I want an original look to my lawn so I’m contracting with a Satan-based Lawn Maintenance Co. Besides, I’ve given up on that Druid kid showing up when he’s suppose to mow.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:02 pm
Don’t know about garage cleaning in the Bible, but there is the rich man getting “into heaven” and I bet the “camel” going through the “eye of a needle” in and interesting sensation.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
is an interesting sensation. I obviously was getting too far into the imagery.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
#45: While June would send the right message, Mary Worth would send an accurate message. For the past 50+ years, it seems like the army just loves to meddle.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Speaking of Mutts, I would doubt house cats get too excited about celebrating Spay Day USA. “Whoo hoo! Castrate me, now! Today’s the day! I appreciate the cartoonists intentions, but that’s just weird.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
#50 gh – LOL! My dreams about the Girl from U.N.C.L.E. would have gotten me thrown into a confessional and then grounded for a week.
They thought Man from U.N.C.L.E. was bad enough for all the espionage and shooting and Napoleon Solo constantly dry humping the guest squeeze of the week, and “ugh, the violence!” but Stephanie Powers in a body suit… whew! Oh lawdy mama!
They’d have never let me anywhere near the funny papers if Eduardo Barretto had been the artist for Judge Parker way back when.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Speaking of garage cleaning, The Onion had a great article on a related topic back in 2003:
CEO’s Marital Duties Outsourced
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39249
Nothing uncouth, unless you count some industrial-strength double entendres.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
#60 True Fable
Well, when you wake up screaming “oh god! oh god!” you pretty much have to tell your parents it was a bad dream.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
#50 – #52 – gh & wille – let us not forget – in the name of all that is FOOB -
Laying Sod.
Uh, I don’t feel so well, kind of like when I eat too much chocolate.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
59. Fellow Moss moniker: Shmaybe cats actually get into being shpayed or shneutered. From our human perspective it is difficult to “cat”egorize their emotions.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
34 AppleGirl:
Mmm. In-N-Out. My daughter’s first job was there, and a few years later, she moved into an apartment with a couple of girls she knew from work, and when I told my dad his eldest grandaughter was living in an apartment of in and out girls, there was a long, worried, silence…
that said, she recently has gone back there, because her old boss said she could return at the employee level she left at, which now pays over $10 an hour so she’s THRILLED to earn an almost living wage. Plus she just called and said she’d come over and help pack for my overseas move and is bringing me a double-double, grilled onions, fried mustard instead. I
whoamItoday? Happy mom, getting lunch delivered.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Two days late, but did anyone comment on the look on Wally’s face at te end of the Saturday FW? It was like “Dead? If only.”
February 26th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
God Lawsy I loved The Man from U.N.C.L.E., to the extent of buying — and reading — the awful novelizations, with villians like “Tixe Ylno” (Oh, My God! His name backwards spells “Exit Only”!!! And he looks just like Captain Kangaroo!!!).
The books had a weird vibe – sex was all nudge-nudge-wink-wink, but the torture was lovingly detailed. On TV, I loved me some David McCallum and Leo G. Carroll – Robert Vaughn was written as too much of a smartass for my tastes. Yet look where I wound up.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
45
Army Cartoon Mascot
I always thought if I were a WWI lafayette Escadrille pilot and got to put a custom cartoon on the cowling of my biplane, I’d go with finger quoting Margo.
But since this is for the Army, I guess I would go with Lois from H&L.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
….and the brainwashing continues. Looks like Mary sank her claws into Dr. Jeff’s daughter. She’s spewing the same crap Mary was back in the ‘Nam.
“You’ll make yourself worse if you do too much!”
Maybe I do smell a “Misery” homage coming. Mary is the Kathy Bates character, only she tortures only with the power of her mind.
I hope the good doctor owns a manual typewriter.
Why do I read this stuff?
Now I’m almost ready to start reading Mark Trail……..aiiieeee. Don’t let me!!
February 26th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Ilya Kuriyakin was just the coolest cat who ever wore a black turtleneck, man. Always cool, always a pro. My sisters worshiped him to the point that our dad worried because they were all worked up over “a Russian”. XD My mother was worried for the one who was into Napoleon Solo – “she’s going to end up marrying some two-timer!”
Then The Avengers appeared, and Dad was too distracted by Diana Rigg and Mom too sidetracked by Patrick McNee to ever worry about U.N.C.L.E. again.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Come to the Dark Side, Mountain Mama. Mark Trail is calling YOOooooooooou…!
February 26th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
#70 (TF) Ilya Kuriyakin was just the coolest cat who ever wore a black turtleneck…
…and then he showed up in Master Ninja II.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
When I was a lad, I had a “Man From Uncle” spy kit. It came with a toy camera that would morph into a pistol – a luger, I think. Also, a radio that would transmorgafy into an assault rifle. I wore the little triangular badge (you know, the one with a number they’d wear around HQ) all the time and I had an U.N.C.L.E. identification card I kept with me. Probably not a smart thing to keep with you if you’re suppose to be a spy, though. I wasn’t real clear on the whole “secret” part of being a secret agent.
February 26th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
I’m sorry, but the AB&A (using the & to emulate the backwards ‘B’) reference above is just too tempting, especially when combined with the heady brew of June and Niki and ‘garage cleaning.’ So, I give you, to the tune of Dancing Queen, GARAGE TO CLEAN…
You can scrub, you can sweep, you’re finished when she says you’re done!
Name is June, MILFy queen, make sure her garage is clean!
Katrina waif, and his mom’s a ho’
Outta cash and nowhere to go,
He becomes a purse snatcher, grab it with his paw
Then Elvis punch him in the jaw…
It really hurts but the clinic’s closed,
Oops, that’s June, now he’s really hosed!
She grabs him by the collar, throws him in the car,
She pops his head like a Pez
And she looks mean and says…
There’s a garage to clean, Niki boy, don’t make a scene!
Garage to clean, get the point? Know what I mean?
You can scrub, you can sweep, you’re finished when I say you’re done!
Name is June, MILFy queen, make sure my garage is clean!
A piece of broccoli is all you get,
Here’s your mop, it’s already wet,
Careful by the box there, I’ll tell you what to do,
You can start by the door,
And then move to the floor…
There’s a garage to clean, Niki boy, don’t make a scene!
Garage to clean, get the point? A mole to preen!
You can scrub, you can sweep, you’re finished when I say I’m done!
Name is June, MILFy queen, make sure my garage is clean!
February 26th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
A3G: Let’s stop the hatin’ on Albert Pinkham Ryder! My current bedside reading is Ray Ginger’s AGE OF EXCESS: THE UNITED STATES FROM 1877 TO 1914 (Macmillan, 1965), and the author puts Ryder on the same artistic level as Winslow Homer and Thomas Eakins.
The Brooklyn Museum did a huge show of Ryders about ten years back, and I still remember it as one of the most impressive one-man shows I’ve seen. And I’ve seen a lot.
PLUS, I lived in Cleveland for the first 17 years of my life, and Ryder’s most famous painting, The Race Track, lives in the Cleveland Museum of Art. I grew up with it.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
FOOB: I would like the Pattersons a lot more if they all spoke in variations of “SNIFFAH SNOOFF snoof SNUFF sniff WHUFFL SNEFF.”
FW: Judging by Lisa’s strained attempt at the characteristic Winkerbeanian sly-eyed smirk in the last panel, I’d say there’s an unspoken “You condescending whore!!!” bouncing around in that newly hairy head of hers.
Pluggers: I guess Pluggers live in areas with a lot of gang activity. I’m a plugger!
Zits: I must commend their choice in toppings. Hear! Hear! I recommend they add anchovies. Nice.
Zippy: I know a lot of people here don’t like Zippy, but I simply must point out, “Yow! It’s raining defective alarm clocks!” That gave me a severe case of the giggles.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
#67 Uncle Lumpy
Exactly! Ilya Kulyakin (sp?):Napoleon Solo::Spock:Captain Kirk.
And there he is on, what? Criminal Minds? I’m going Ooo! Ooo! That’s . . . but of course no one in the room gets it. And way back when, I bought the U.N.C.L.E. trading cards (bubble gum, whatever) of scenes from the show which, if you bought the entire set and turned them over, could be formed into a blow up picture of Our Two Heroes. And a few years ago I saw them for sale at some kind of mall kiosk, but declined to pay $5 a pop for them. Some memories are too sacred for commercialization, plus $5? Would I be here if could afford $5 a card?
February 26th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Poor Howard – his free snarking service isn’t living up too his lofty expectations. He gets watt he pays four.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
Man, it looks like McCallum’s been working steady for fifty years.
I guess Master Ninja was just, er, the bottom of the iceberg. Or something.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
64. MossMoses, schmaybe so. Schmaybe they like the schnip, schnip and loosing the smurge to procreate.
34. AppleGirl- I do love a stop at In-n-Out whenever I get back into town from third world countries or Texas. If I was comming back from ‘Nam, I’d order a double-double, no grilled onions or jungle shrooms. Oh, whoamItodayat #65, I didn’t know you could order it with fried mustard. I didn’t know they’d fry the condiments at all. Interesting.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
#77 gh -
NCIS, according to IMDB. IMHO.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Also, all the references to cleaning garages are even funnier if you use Moe’s alternate word: “car hole.”
February 26th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
I wanna know when the next MudgeCon is.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
#51 Len –
Notwithstanding willethompson’s brilliant lyrics in #74, I suspect “ABBA” has less to do with religious overtones and 1970s rock groups, and more to do with the common advertising practice of trying to be the first listing in the Yellow Pages. All those companies called ABC, A-ABLE, A-1, AAA, A+, etc. are so named for that reason.
The most egregious example I’ve seen was an insurance company years ago that was called “A. AAAAABAAS Insurance City.”
February 26th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
#84 AhClem – Somehow, I think ABBA’s Hauling doesn’t have a phone, despite Josh’s cropping out of what should have been the phone number under ‘call for estimates.’ They get their clients through divine inspiration.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Josh, it’s OK. Last year before Christmas my property managers put up fire safety brochures on everyone’s door. I will always cherish my memories of laughing myself to tears at the pictures of families fleeing in horror as their presents burned. I think that’s what it was a picture of.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
79. Uncle Lumpy, regarding that link, I especially liked picture #3 with Napoleon and Ilya standing over the three women, who are lying down with their heads (and clevage) facing the camera.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
#70 True Fable
Thanks for the correct spelling! And yes! yes! Coming full circle, Emma Peel is where I came into CC. I think I’ll stay, just the same.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
If they made a horrible effects-driven movie about a spirit that directs Luann’s paintings, would it be called “GHOST RYDER?”
*crickets*
OK, if Stinky Pete married PeteMoss who then married MossMoses, would the resulting union be legal in Massachusetts?
*overripe tomatoes being fingered*
February 26th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
#74 willethompson
Spicy, with just a hint of musk. Add it to the wine list.
#81 Uncle Lumpy
Yeah, one o’ them thar shows.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Gil Thorp (Must Diet) – This is an exciting storyline. Still, I can’t wait to get back to the whole “no-bid contracts” story. There’s gotta be plenty of drama in that.
Dinnette Set – If that patient is sitting down, then his problems are a lot worse than needing a safety pin. His head and his arms are attached backwards for Rolly Church of Crete.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
A ways back it looked like we might have the nucleus [or nuculus] of a Monkees fan club, so I’ll offer up our theme song, in light of the weekend thread:
Hey, how come
Our lives are incomplete?
We’ve got our problems and then some
Living with defeat.
Hey, hey, we’re the Funkees!
And people say we stumble around.
But we’re too busy smirking
To slip in the tub and drown.
We have students we can’t stand,
Do what we hate to do
We don’t have time to get hopeful,
There’s always avian flu.
Hey, hey, we’re the Funkees!
And people say we stumble around.
But we’re too busy smirking
Lookin’ like an evil clown.
We’re just tryin’ to be hipsters,
Come and watch us sing and play,
We’re the nerd generation,
And air guitar is so gay.
Any time, or anywhere,
Just look over your shoulder
Death is standing there
Hey, hey, we’re the Funkees!
And people say we stumble around.
But we’re too busy smirking
To put Brother Wally down.
Hey, hey, we’re the Funkees!
You never know where cancer’s found.
So you’d better get ready,
It may be comin’ to your town.
[Alternate first verse, scribbled on Friday before the Saturday dénouement]
Here I come
Walking down the street
Hey, was that an explosion?
What happened to my feet?
Hey, hey, etc.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
#77 gh -
When I was growing up on the mean streets of Milwaukee’s South Side, chewing the gum that came with the cards constituted a kind of social divide. Earnest Catholic-school kids like me with Depression-era parents always chewed the gum, even — especially — if we didn’t like gum.
Sharp-dressed kids (jeans) from the public schools bought multiple packs (FORBIDDEN!), broke them open and chucked the gum on the ground, adding a little “gah” of disgust if one of us was around to be impressed. Then they riffled through the cards and threw away the “bad” ones — sometimes all of them.
But five dollars a card? The Saudis aren’t that rich. And I bet they don’t know from Man from U.N.C.L.E. trading cards, either.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
89. wee willethompson – Misters Stinkypetemossmoses might become the subjects of a Mallard Fillmore rant. I think Civil Confederacy would be more practical than marriage.
February 26th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
89 willethompson: “*overripe tomatoes being fingered*” – stop talking about June that way!
February 26th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
#93 Uncle Lumpy
I ate the gum too. I think I ended up 1 or 2 cards short of a full set. I’m sure it was set up so that the bottom left corner card was only printed, like, twice. So the joke’s on you, sharp-dressed kids! I bet your jeans had creases ironed into them too!
As for the kiosk guy, I’m sure he’s moved on to Beanie Babies which are still worth $145, dammit!
February 26th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
And, Josh.
Shouldn’t the title of this post be “I Am Immature, Pink”? Just saying.
February 26th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
Back to Josh’s pink flyer – I once heard a description of a Brazilian wax (vs. a Bikini wax) described as “cleaning the basement”.
Once again, feeling a bit queasy.
February 26th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
#89 Willethompson:
It would be “Ghost Ride-Her.” Come on – we all know that’s where this is headed.
February 26th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
#99 Kronkina – I strongly suspect straight to the garage.
February 26th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
My older sisters collected Beatles memorabilia. You wanna talk about RABID, those girls were vicious if you came anywhere near their precious Beatles cards, which they kept in old cigar boxes along with braided juicy fruit gum wrapper chains and cherished “I (heart) George” buttons.
For every one of my meager baseball and UNCLE cards, my oldest sister had huge snakelike collections of rubberband-contained Beatles cards that she traded like a pro. I could have gotten a mint issue DiMaggio if I’d let her handle negotiations, the way she handled negotiations for those last two cards she needed to have the nifty Other Side finished. Then she went off to college and discovered Hendrix and the Doors, who didn’t do trading cards.
Robert Vaughn became the quintessential TV movie bad guy, and McCallum played chameleon for the next 30 years.
Me, I’m going to snark tomorrow morning. I always snark the thread before and I get lost.
February 26th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Pink flyer bottom line reminds me of something my brother wrote on a similar flyer.
Satisfaction Guaranteed – Parent approved – Thoroughly tested – God damned
February 26th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
People, people, people, you all make me ashamed. Will nobody come to the defense of His Exalted Most Holiness, Pope Josh, who is being majorly dissed by Chennux? Josh can chose whomever he wants for COTW. Chennux, I’m not afraid of you- bite me. (And beware the lightening bolts of Zeus and the Greek Curse.)
February 26th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
Chennux makes me dance and giggle and snort. He does not, however, provide me with endless opportunities to laugh and enjoy the hell out of otherwise mundane comic strips, as well as a place to share my snarking with others.
Therefore Pope Josh pwns Galactic Emperor Chennux. I thought this was understood.
February 26th, 2007 at 6:53 pm
I’d say it’s a tie…
*eyes Stupid Ray warily*
February 26th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Chennux sees Josh through a window. When he barges into his office, Josh tells him that by describing something in his blog, he can bring anything into being. To make it disappear all he needs to do is throw the entry into the recycle bin. He demonstrates by blogging an elephant in the hall. Chennux ignores the evidence and informs Josh he is going to have him blasted. Josh removes an envelope from a wall safe, and tells him it contains the link that describes him. Chennux grabs the envelope and throws it into the fireplace, and promptly disappears. Josh quickly begins to re-blog Chennux. A loving Chennux appears mixing Josh a drink.
February 26th, 2007 at 7:11 pm
#106 Ribinin -
Gosh, that’s like Plato meets the New Testament.
February 26th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
This looks like something from the Foobiverse, in which garages and senior citizens feature with increasing frequency.
February 26th, 2007 at 7:20 pm
Man, I love Lio.
February 26th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
I’m really starting to doubt Jeffs credentials as a physician..BEDREST after an 18 hr air trip?!?!? Thats just asking for a blood clot to form and travel to the lungs..landing him back in the ICU, where he’ll likely encounter nearly as many Asian medical types as he did in the Nam’. Real American trained MD’s won’t be nearly as patient as Dr. Tran either…they’ll tell Mary to take her meddlin old ass the hell out of the ICU before they sick the HIPPA(HealthcareInformationPatient Privacy Act) police on her.
February 26th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
This is how languages die out: Over time, every single word in the language becomes slang for something dirty. People didn’t forget to speak Latin: they just got tired of all the snickering whenever they spoke.
February 26th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Today’s Pluggers bears an uncanny resemblance to the one that appeared on September 7th of last year (http://joshreads.com/?p=746). I’d call this an instance of “joke reuse,” except that would imply the presence of an actual joke.
February 26th, 2007 at 7:44 pm
#33- Can I post my own Fugs quote?
If I had a nickel,
If I had a dime,
I’d put it in the toilet
and (saturn) all the time.
February 26th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
I finally realized today that if I want to get back on the COTW almost-list, I’m going to have to stop commenting on others’ comments and generally socializing, and get back to pure snarking. I’ll get on that soon, hopefully. But not in this post.
WilleThompson You know the tune to the verse of Dancing Queen? Represent!
Trotzenbonnie – You say your girl dog uses “peemail” by lifting her leg on everything she sees. Really? She lifts her leg? She doesn’t squat? Represent!
U.N.C.L.E. people -David McCallum is great in NCIS, which is my favorite TV show. It’s my favorite primarily because Mark Harmon is in it and um, Mark Harmon, he, when I see him on the screen
.
.
.
.
.
I’ll be in my bunk.
(Represent!)
Additionally, I’m a middle-aged white woman who has no idea how to use the slang term “Represent!” properly, or even what it means, but I’ve been dying to say it. Thank you.
February 26th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
#33, #113 — DAMN YOU! NOW I AM SINGING THE FUGS TO MYSELF!
Do you like Josh a lot?
Yes I like Josh a lot!
Why’d'ya like Josh a lot?
You gotta like Josh a lot!
Down at the comics, comics stall,
we snark and pick and have a ball,
ah, do you flirt with June a lot?
Yes I flirt with June a lot?
Why’d'ya flirt with June a lot?
It HURTS to flirt with June a lot!
June a lot, June a lot.
Like flirtin’ with June.
Sure like SUMPIN.
June a lot.
February 26th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
111. TB Tabby. Res Ipsa Loquiter, hey? Hee, hee. I’d like a little E Plurbus Unum, if you know what I mean, heh? I sure don’t.
February 26th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
I’ve seen a lot of “My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter” bumper stickers. I’ve always wanted to see one on a truck with a sign for “Goldberg’s Construction” or something.
February 26th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
Ho there Eartherpeople! Like, grab a drink and have a seat! Can I get you a pillow? Anyway, if you don’t mind, Chennux has a few thoughts…
Ribinin has an interesting theory. If the Josh/God can make and unmake his ‘creations,’ then Chennux is purely words on a screen, a thought at his maker’s will. Very Descartesian, in that ‘Josh thinks, therefore we all are,’ at least in his personal reality, thus making reality a subjective concept wholly within the essence of the JoshSelf. Ah! But, by the same thread, you, or Lumpy, or anyone who posts is merely a figment of Josh.
However, if the YouSelf is reading this, then the You is the creator and Josh exists as only part of your (or Your) reality, as you are then the YouCreator.
OR CHENNUX COULD GIVE YOU A MAGMACANNON ENEMA THAT WOULD FRY YOUR EYES SUNNYSIDE UP WITH A SIDE OF GRANNIX!
MELMARDAMMIT, DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE DOWN THE COMICS SITES LIKE I DID WHILE JOSH WAS ON ANOTHER ONE OF HIS “VACATIONS???” MARGOBOXCARSATURN, RIBININ, AND YOU TOO, ZORBA, IF YOU DOUBT MY EXISTENCE, ASK POTEET, RED GREENBERG OR GH ABOUT THE SYRUP STAINS OR WILLETHOMPSON ABOUT THE SCAR TISSUE! I HOPE YOU SLEEP UNDER LEAD SHEETS AND KEVLAR BLANKETS, OTHERWISE TONIGHT WILL BE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE!!
END TRANSMISSION!!!
February 26th, 2007 at 8:46 pm
badger:
Faith Based Garage Cleaning: Senior Discount
Purses snatched extra
February 26th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
By the way, while she is stupid about menfolk, May is NOT a crack ho’. She probably doesn’t use crack, certainly is not a ho’, and was trying to find normal work after they moved there after Katrina.
Just saying, RMMD is actually making her and Nikki as sympathetic as possible, given she put up with a “tweaker” boyfriend.
February 26th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
#118 Your Grand Wazooness-The name’s Kuryakin… Dr. Donald “Red Duck” Mallard “Stan” Greenberg-Kuryakin.
February 26th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
#115 Kate- I am still hoping to see “It Crawled into My Hand, Honest” show up as a DtM or FC caption.
February 26th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
Hey, Chennux, who said I doubted your existence? I said I’m not afraid of you. Prepare to be incinerated by the lightening bolts of Zeus, forged by Hephaestus. Be more respectful of our Pope, Josh, henceforth.
February 26th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
Can you feel it, people. That certain little charge in the air? I don’t know about you, but I am seeking shelter because my “Greeney senseâ„¢” tells me Chennux is getting ready to fry our mustard!
February 26th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
#114 Squid Countess – Represent! I think you’re using it right…of course I’m in the same demographic as you, so we can both be clueless together.
I missed Trotzenbonnie’s post where she was talking about her dog’s “pee mail” (I hate you too, Lynn, that’s much better than “smell phone”). But I had to laugh when I saw your note on her comment because I, too, have a female dog who tries to lift her leg to pee. It’s a half-lift, half-squat we call “The Heisman” (as it looks like the famous pose for the trophy). She gets some funny looks when we’re out but she doesn’t seem to mind.
Not even in the same universe as COTW material, but I thought I’d share. I do spend most of my time chit-chatting and responding, not a whole lot of time on stand-alone snark, so I don’t think I’ll ever be in the ether of the COTW superstars. I’m just happy when someone responds to me.
By the way, great song parodies today, gh & wille.
February 26th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Len #80 (from two threads back) — And a most gracious Happy Birthday to you, as well, Mr. Len. (Did you know that Tony Randall and Victor Hugo were also born on this day?)
Uncle Lumpy #93 — Do you still live in the Cream City? If you do, that would explain the ginormous increase in property values. Celebrity has its price.
February 26th, 2007 at 9:41 pm
I’m so immature
http://home.golden.net/~samu/mary%20worthy.jpg
February 26th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
I don’t know if this has ever been asked before, but are Emperor Chen-nux and Grampa Chin-nuts related?
Perhaps they are next-of-chin?
February 26th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
=v= RMMD: Okay, here’s the thing: Garage-cleaning has taken off as a meme, gone on to The Lockhorns, Family Circus, and faith-based flyering, but June originally wanted the boy to paint her garage. Somehow the job description got demoted down to cleaning. Perhaps she thought he’d be more adept with a mop than a brush? I yam confused.
=80= Mutts (PeteMoss): Judging from my own cats, schmaybe they don’t like the unspayed animals trying to mount them alla time.
=97= “I Am Immature, Pink” (gh): I think Josh is too young to remember those films. Heck, I only know about them because I met the guy who did the English subtitles.
February 26th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
#128 Moon-(Speaking from an undisclosed location), I don’t believe they are, but they do have more chins and nuts than an ad for fruitcakes in a Chinese phone book. Tip the waitress, try the veal,…i’m not here all week…
February 26th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
[[fanning self, smoking cigarette]]
Jesus is just all right with me.
February 26th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Here’s what you do:
Call them up and have them come over. Describe how you need you garage cleaned while using copious amounts of Margo-esque air quotes. Most likely they’ll get too weirded out and leave. You may have to pay them to actually do some cleaning though. If they do have to clean something then you spend the entire time lamenting to them how you wish you had a garage for them to clean out.
“Man, if I had a ‘garage’ I’d gladly pay you triple what you’re getting now to ‘clean it out’.”
Sure, you may be out a few bucks, but the laughs will last a lifetime.
February 26th, 2007 at 10:11 pm
This is all operant conditioning, to get us to salivate and pant to clean a garage.
Soon curmudgeons will be staffing Josh’s Park ‘n Save.
Brilliant, Josh.
February 26th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s garage”
February 26th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
Apartment 3-G’s Lu Ann is high on paint fumes, right?
It’d be great if when she finaly comes down from her paint-fume high she discovers that all her paintings are just random squigles of paint.
February 26th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
I’m testing to see if I can send a message from this particular computer.
February 26th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
Regarding the existence, or not, of G.E. Chennux, or indeed of any of us, perhaps this quote from Kierkegaard may be of some help:
“Such a relation which relates itself to its own self (that is to say, a self) must either have constituted itself or have been constituted by another.”
I hope that clears things up.
February 26th, 2007 at 10:59 pm
I’m all about Robert Vaughn. He appeared in not only the Western remake of Seven Samurai, but in the space-opera version as well, playing the same character.
The Magnificent Seven is well worth the rental, Battle Beyond the Stars, not so much. (aka “John Boy Walton in Space”)
February 26th, 2007 at 11:00 pm
#126 Happy (and Len, the birthday boy) — Feb. 26 also has Johnny Cash.
My girlfriend is a Pisces and doesn’t like the traditional description of how they’re supposed to be, so I try to tell her that Johnny Cash, Mitch Hedberg, George Harrison, Michelangelo, and Albert Einstein are good company.
Plus any “leap day” babies that are out there.
February 26th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Holy crap… BC did another boomerang joke?
February 26th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
By the way, I haven’t had time to scroll through all the posts in the previous thread, but did anyone happen to mention that Monday’s A3G is essentially a repeat from Sunday?
February 26th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
Hey, all. I’m sending a message tonight because Gadge Cubic did a very nice job of saying goodbye for me but unfortunately he gussied it up a bit too much. It had a bowdlerized tone similar to what your parents told you when the family’s elderly dog supposedly was taken out to a farm where it could run and frolic when in actuality your father had hit it with the car while leaving for work that morning.
I can’t speak for any of the other persons who have left this site and I don’t know how many of you will get to read this before it’s deleted but I did disappear because of a comment made on here. Someone made a snark in regard to me that I did not appreciate, particularly on the day that it happened (ask Gadge or Poteet). It pissed me off enough to avoid this site for two weeks. This past Saturday, I considered coming back on. However, I had the chance to read some of the posts that I missed in two weeks and… well, this board seems to be changing. It wasn’t what it used to be. The more popular it’s becoming, the less I care to read. There are racist comments, homophobic comments.
I decided to test the waters by leaving a comment like some of the outrageous ones in the past. I chose the name Lamont Cranston since the old timers on here know I’m familiar with the evil that lurks in the hearts of men. I considered putting an (NSFW!) after the comment but knew if I did so that people would immediately know it was me. The plan was to sit down later that night and write a thank you for the heartfelt comments during the two weeks I was gone and return to my screen name. The plan also was to write about the last two weeks of Mary Worth that had built up the bile in me. However, an interesting occurance happened. The old timers on here immediately knew that comment was from me. They saw that I was linking the final panel of For Better or For Worse to the first panel of The Night Intruder. It was my belief that any rational person who saw the first two panels and was offended would not scroll down to see more. However, there are new people on this site. The knives were out. Long-time commenters – both male and female / straight and gay – defended the posting of the link. A few select new names demanded not only an apology from Lamont Cranston but deletion of the posts.
Their wish was granted.
At night’s end, not only were my Lamont Cranston posts removed but also two anonymous posts I made offering advice to someone and a note with a link to the April 11, 2004 edition of Mutts that used the poem Love Does That as its basis (under the pseudonym William Howard Taft’s Corset of Love). I own two computers. Neither computer is capable of sending a message to this site anymore. My IP address has been banished to Gaul.
Which, I’ve decided, is fine. I thank those of you I’ve known over the past year and a half for giving me laughter when I thought I couldn’t even smile anymore. Some of you know my situation; I’m thankful it hasn’t been worse. This board was the place where I could come for intoxicatingly literate snarking. It supplied me with an outlet for my writing. It allowed me to feel that I was part of a community of eclectic eccentrics. But, as with the posts of Angry Black Woman and others, it’s fading away…
Adieu, my friends.
Dingo
February 26th, 2007 at 11:26 pm
I laughed harder at “ABBA.” I’m imagining them cleaning your garage while dancing.
February 26th, 2007 at 11:31 pm
#114 – Calamari Contessa
Yes. My Miss Mollie lifts her leg to pee. And she humps her overnight bag, too. She’s nobody’s bitch and that’s why I love her.
February 26th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
Dingo, you can choose to believe me or not, but I didn’t delete your Lamont Cranston comment. Some kind of epic spam filter burp burped out and I wasn’t able to find it. I not am in the comment-censoring business.
Josh
February 26th, 2007 at 11:49 pm
Dingo, I’m not sure if you’re still reading the boards. If you are, I hope you reconsider. I’ve also noticed some racist, homophobic, etc. posts. Some. When you consider that this is an unregistered, basically unmoderated site, the overall quality of the comments is still very high. And I’m optimistic that the good will continue to outweigh the bad.
As to the Lamont Cranston links, I missed the links behind that whole brouhaha. Mm, oh well.
February 26th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
#144 was me. Oops. DickBlick is my stage name.
Feel like an ass yapping about dog pee while Dingo is bidding farewell.
Dingo, please stay. I changed my original name from Kingo out of respect for your scathingly brilliant wit because I didn’t want anyone to get confused and attribute my lame comments to you.
Those who think that life should come with a warning label can’t rule everything.
February 27th, 2007 at 12:03 am
I think the Winkerbeanian sly-smirk was invented be whoever is drawing the strip now.
February 27th, 2007 at 12:06 am
Dingo –
Sorry about the “gussying up” – but frankly, I felt a bit uncomfortable passing on those aspects of your situation that were more angry and disappointed. That’s just me – it felt like, I dunno, “oh, and Tom also says ‘go fuck yourself’”: even if he did (and you weren’t that blunt), some of the anger of the person I’m passing that message onto would redound onto me. And I’m a wimp not into being messenger-blamed.
Anyway – I’m glad you posted your own self to make your thoughts clear. It would be nice if you’d continue to do that – although I understand that even if the site were its most wonderful self, you still have the priority of finding decent work (which you deserve, guy: no way anyone as clearly intelligent, witty, and thoughtful as you should be caught in a dead-end crap-ass low-paying job).
February 27th, 2007 at 12:07 am
Josh, I think you mean “I am not in the comment censoring business,” right? The way it reads now is a little off.
It’s sad to hear one of the true luminaries of this board say that it is in a degraded state. Please reconsider, Dingo, this is still a good place. It just needs a few good snarkers. As long as people are making fun of Mary Worth, there is much potential for good!
February 27th, 2007 at 12:09 am
Dingo, please reconsider. The posters who got all hot and bothered don’t seem to be regulars and they’re probably not coming back. And even if they do return, you have more right to be here than they do. Your comments add a great deal to this blog, whereas they’re just viewing. Don’t let them win! (To tell you the truth, I had a feeling you were going to be unhappy with some comments from the middle of February. And, I have to admit that every once and a while, someone writes something that makes me feel bad; nothing directed personally at me (I don’t think) but certain names used for women, comments about old people, overweight people, yada, yada. Anyway, I don’t let that keep me from doing something I enjoy, is all I’m saying. And, anyway, I think the good far outweighs the not-so-good.)
And, Rolly Church of Crete, I’m going to say it loud and say it proud! I LIKE ONE BIG HAPPY!
There, I’ve said it. Whew. I feel lighter, somehow.
February 27th, 2007 at 12:18 am
Er, quite right #150 BoShek. I fixed. I am not in the comment-censoring business. I am however in the business of retroactively correcting my own comments, which I can do because I have admin comment-editing priviledges, mu ha ha.
(Which, on the topic of this discussion, I should emphasize I only use on my own comments, and comments that I remove to the Cockpit, which are moved over whole and untouched.)
Josh
February 27th, 2007 at 12:29 am
Hey, Dingo? If I said anything that hurt your feelings, I apologize immediately and unreservedly. It’s hard for me to say homophobic stuff, ’cause I’m bi, but that doesn’t mean I’m not an asshole.
I doubt I was part of the cadre that hurt you. But if I was, please let me know what I did so I can meditate upon it.
February 27th, 2007 at 12:34 am
2/27 MW….what the hell is Dr Jeff Jr doing? you don’t look at your watch when your taking a blood pressure, you look at your watch when you take a pulse–hey! he’s not even wearing a watch! is he practicing his “mime by a fireplace” act or just trying to see how sterotypically gay he can look?
February 27th, 2007 at 12:47 am
136 Anonymous: “I’m testing to see if I can send a message from this particular computer.”
No, you can’t – we didn’t see it.
February 27th, 2007 at 12:52 am
Also, I think if any company claims to be “faith-driven,” it’s only fair to tell them that, by the way, my checking account is “faith-driven” as well.
The one experience I had with a company that prominently advertised its owners’ religious preferences (I was kinda forced into it: our car broke down at my parents’ house out of town) was that we were royally fleeced. They screwed up the job, fucked up the car – and when we went after them in small claims court, they had a slimy, lying lawyer working for them who completely misrepresented the situation and was a snide asshole to boot. Essentially, he was going to (a) force us to bring in mechanics we’d asked to look at the car, and testify as to its damages and how the job should have been handled – mechanics who couldn’t afford to take a day off work to travel and appear in court; and (b – this pisses me off still) threatened to countersue us for harassment. The lawyer started by claiming that no such business as I’d identified in the complaint actually existed (what I should have said is, okay, then why the fuck are you here representing them?) – it went downhill from there. Grrr. Now I’m going to go and read Funky Winkerbean to cheer me up.
February 27th, 2007 at 12:54 am
Dingo, please let me add my heartfelt plea to the others that you not leave us. I don’t know who made what unpleasant comments, but who cares about them? You are definitely one of the star snarkers on this site. If it’s going downhill at all, wouldn’t it be better to stay and pull it back up to it’s former glorious peak? We need you! And I don’t think anybody could put it any better than Trotzenbonnie did: “Those who think that life should come with a warning label can’t rule everything.”
Please come back. Your leaving would be a real blow to all of us. Stay, and ignore the twerps.
February 27th, 2007 at 1:25 am
Dingo, I’m sure my words won’t have much meaning to you, as I’m a relatively newbie poster (I’ve been a longtime lurker though), but please know your absence has been felt deeply by many people. Almost every day, someone has mentioned your name and how much they miss you. Sometimes many people. People come and go on the site, but I don’t think I’ve seen someone discussed and missed as much as you.
I’m sorry people (like me) have come and changed the feeling of community you got from coming here. I’m personally sorry if I’ve said anything to offend you – looking through the past posts, I don’t think it was me (I don’t post that often) but in case it was…. If you decide to reconsider, I know you will make your friends very happy to see you come back.
February 27th, 2007 at 1:26 am
dingo, no!!! … sad. please don’t go.
you’re right about some of the comments, but the world is a poisonous place, and this place is still so far above most non-community sites for openness and general niceness. better than a lot of what i have to deal with in the world outside the intertubes. and good things need good people to keep going.
if you can’t, you can’t, but it’d be nice if you could manage to cast an occasional beneficient eye over us, and drop in once in a while. reckon you’ll always be welcome by anyone who’s not a complete dick.
February 27th, 2007 at 1:29 am
#125 – Fizzy Logic – “The Heissman.” Bwahahah! That won’t make it into the COTW, but it’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day.
I sent in 2 suggestions to TDIET this evening and 3 suggestions to Pluggers. I sit back and await fame.
Regarding Dingo’s remarks, I think that communicating on a message board is very difficult and touchy, because it’s often impossible to know the intent behind another person’s remarks. Are they being funny? Sarcastic? Deliberately stupid? Genuinely asshole-ish? At some point, the return you get is not worth the hassle of trying to figure that out. I’m sorry the bad outweighed the good for you, here, Dingo. Maybe that will change in the future. Hope so.
February 27th, 2007 at 1:44 am
Sorry for checking in late. My county is a state disaster area because of the recent winter storm, and my schedule was affected.
And please pardon the following very-optional-reading but long (very sorry) metapost. I feel bad about Dingo, and one reason I feel bad is because I haven’t known what, if anything, to say about certain seemingly-homophobic and other comments that I found questionable/offensive. And sometimes I wasn’t sure what the commentor really meant.
For example, I don’t think it’s very amusing, in general, to diss senior citizens who have sex. Especially since I hope to be one of them someday. But in this forum, most of the comments that might be open to such interpretation have been about Mary Worth & Co., and the very weird residents of Charterstone are fair game for anything we throw at them, as far as I’m concerned. So that’s how I’ve chosen to interpret those comments, and I think that’s how most/all have been meant anyway.
And some other comments that initially made me go “Huh?! Now wait a minute…” also seemed open to interpretation. And I agree with The Pope in not wanting to see this site become “a center of rage and vitriol like every other site on the Interweb.” (My local online newspaper site often drips with illiterate slimy rage, and I don’t even want to know how bad other sites are.)
So my rationale has been to try to give questionable comments the benefit of the doubt, and also to let those who may have the most reason to feel offended do any responding to possibly-offensive comments, on the grounds that they are more qualified than me to know what really is offensive. But maybe that’s another way of saying that I was weaseling out of any ethical responsibility to speak up?
Or am I responsible only for my own comments and any stupidity/offensiveness therein? I have trouble with such questions, but I do appreciate all of you (who make up the great majority of CCers) whose snarky comments are aimed only at fair targets (of which the comics have SO many) and never make me go through these mental exercises.
And as a wishy-washy finale, having already said that I miss Dingo, I hope we can be hard on the comics but nice to each other. It’s a true cliche that online words can sound harsher than words in person, and none of us knows which of us may be having a hard day or a hard decade. Done, through, finished.
February 27th, 2007 at 3:03 am
*crawls out from under all the weekend’s comments*
Dingo! NOOOOOOOO!!!! Come back! Who else is gonna discuss Tom of Finland with me?
*sniffle*
February 27th, 2007 at 3:05 am
65 – WhoamItoday – A family member with In-n-Out connections? Color me jealous.
February 27th, 2007 at 3:13 am
JP: Sure, you’ve heard of The Prince and the Pauper, but are you ready for the tale of…The Spencer and the Skank?
MT: The ubiquiducks behind Sally’s head serve as a sort of Greek chorus to remind us that in Lost Forest, crime does not pay. Unless you accept righteous ass-kicking as legal tender, in which case, yes, it does.
MW: When did Jeff’s daughter turn into Edna Mode?
RMMD: I’m kind of alarmed by the circles behind the Morgans. This can only mean one of three things:
1. Caviar is coming out of Rex’s ears;
2. June’s “Today Sponge” is backing up;
3. Sarah got bored and decided to see how much bubble bath could fit in the tub, creating a mighty flood that will wash away the pathetic charade of her parents’ marriage.
No matter which it is, we win!
February 27th, 2007 at 3:19 am
And Dingo, (following up on my comment, # 157) I also don’t *think* I said anything nasty or that could be interpreted as nasty, but if I did, I apologize with all my heart. If anything I said sounded deliberately insulting, please know that I definitely did NOT intend it to be.
Please reconsider! The occasional asshat is not worth leaving all these people who like you so much.
February 27th, 2007 at 3:41 am
Oh, dear, sweet, adorable Dingo. You have always been one of my favorite people here. Some days I have a crazy-full schedule and just skim the comments, but when I see one of your posts, I always pause to read every word. You have made me laugh out loud on many a grey day.
I truly, truly hope that I am not the person who said anything that hurt you. If it was me, please let me know so that I can apologize and change my evil ways in the future.
I think the last time I responded to one of your hilarious posts, I said I hoped you’d write your own comic strip and submit it for syndication, because you are very, very funny, and I do believe that the world is ready for your brilliant and unique point of view. (And I mean that sincerely, in a GOOD way.)
Like the other regulars here, I hope you will stay. Don’t let the naysayers run you off.
Luv,
AppleGirl
February 27th, 2007 at 3:52 am
RMMD – What about June’s giant mammary cones of persuasion? She’s got a time machine hidden somewhere around the house or clinic, because the only place to buy bras like that is 1956.
February 27th, 2007 at 4:10 am
Dingo, Two family members passed away in the last year-(my Brother and my Brother in law)-Josh’s blog has helped me through some difficult times, and I thank him and you and my other friends here for putting a little “Love Is..” into an otherwise Winkerbeanian situation.
Anyway, none of us need question your reasons to get on with your life as you alone see fit to do.
I’m gonna miss you, my other Brother. Red
February 27th, 2007 at 7:35 am
I don’t have the snark-i-tude to be a recognized poster on this blog. BUT – I have been here a long time.
If anyone knows Dingo in real life, please communicate my thanks to him (as I am not sure he will ever read this posting).
In a world where sarcasm and attitude prevail, people tend to lose site of the line where the comments cease to be funny and where they end up being just plain mean. I am not even specifically referring to this blog. I used to be the adviser for a GBLT group at a local high school. My students were most often hurt by comments from “friends” who failed to realize that what they were saying might be construed as hurtful rather than funny.
I am glad that Dingo was willing to put pretense aside and speak up to those who posted things that crossed his line (which we all know is not an overly sensitive one). Thank you for reminding people that snark does not always have to be s-nasty.
All my love Dingo (though we never had the opportunity to really develop a relationship – I swear I am not Aldo-ing you).
February 27th, 2007 at 8:56 am
Dingo –
Good times gone bad. If nothing else, your departing has made everyone a bit more self-reflective. It’s amazing to see how many of us worry it was something they said. I, of course, am convinced it was me, but I can’t for the life of me think what it was. If Kate can worry, any of us can.
If you do come back, come back rollicking. We need someone to shake the rafters on a regular basis.
For what it’s worth, you gave me props when I was a newbie. That’s a tradition I try to pass along.
February 27th, 2007 at 9:24 am
119 Marion Delgado, in re: comment 30:
Well, it seems with all the discussion of who ate who’s baby that you and I are the only ones on the T-Shirt committee. So be it, we can get more done this way and get the final draft to the silk screener by the weekend.
I agree with your addition of “Purses snatched extra” and I wanted to thank you, in light of the fact that we are basically mocking geriatric fornication, for resisting the urge to turn the phrase by including ANY mention of “pursed snatches”.
Oh no he didn’t!
February 27th, 2007 at 9:25 am
#47: Those Lio strips make me think a little of Harold and the Purple Crayon.
Dingo: Nice to see you back.
February 27th, 2007 at 9:28 am
I should have added “…if only for a short time.”
I post little here and what I do is lacking in snark, much more in dumbfoundedness. Just the same, I did enjoy your snark, Dingo, and hope it will grace the forum again.
February 27th, 2007 at 9:31 am
{crawls out from under pile o’ comments, brushes self off}
I probably shouldn’t even be posting this, because (a) it’s at the bottom of a thread, (b) I can’t really say anything that hasn’t been said already, and (c) I’m a very infrequent commenter and a newbie. Please skip if you have no interest in reading, and please bear with me; I mean well. {puppy face}
Anyways, one of the big reasons this amazing site drew me in was the calibre of the commenting; virtually all comments were stellar. And, as has already pointed out, when I (tragically) didn’t have the time to read a particularly long thread, I would pause in my scrolling to peruse Dingo’s and enjoy a hearty chuckle which would serve to convince all around me that I am, in fact, insane. I don’t know what’s going on in his life or what he needs to do to regroup (Frankly, I’m kind of surprised that I’m even posting an elegy to someone I’ve never even met). Still, best wishes to him, and he will be missed. Also, on a side note, as a gay man I feel I can kind of maybe sorta relate somewhat (someone posted some comments about Dingo which struck me as presumptuous and essentializing, and some comments from February and after the “gay” Marmaduke strip left me with a sour taste in my mouth). Still, I’d be willing to bet my collection of Babylon 5 commemorative plates that the people who have contritely implored that “if it was me please tell me what I said mea maxima culpa” have nothing to worry about; the posters of the particularly egregious comments wouldn’t have had that level of understanding and sympathy.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go sit in my car in front of Dingo’s house while listening to Depeche Mode.
February 27th, 2007 at 9:38 am
Well, I just got here, long after the thread died, and probably Dingo will never see this, but I just want to say that I feel incredibly sad that he is leaving and I hope he will reconsider.
February 27th, 2007 at 9:45 am
#126 (Happy Happenstance) — What really weirded me out was when I discovered that Tony Randall’s original birthname was the same as mine. Same birthday (quite a few years apart!), same name… I sent him a fan letter, thanking him for changing his name so that **I** could make it famous. The card came back unopenrf, “return to sender.”
And now he’s passed away. I ain’t exactly famous, either…
February 27th, 2007 at 10:13 am
Insolenttomato (174):
If I might suggest: While not denying the power of Depeche Mode, you might have more luck by holding up an 80’s era boom box playing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” outside his bedroom window.
Just trying to help.
February 27th, 2007 at 10:45 am
I haven’t posted or read in a while, but a friend who reads daily told me about Dingo. I’m sorry Dingo was run off by an errant comment. I always enjoyed Dingo’s posts. This site will be the lesser for the loss. On the plus side, I’m glad to see that the word “ubiquiducks” is still being used, though sparingly.
February 27th, 2007 at 10:55 am
HA good times.
http://www.wondermark.com/d/168.html
February 27th, 2007 at 10:55 am
Badger (177): {forehead smack} HOW could I overlook the power of the soundtrack to “Say Anything?” Stalking is so much more effective when you do it like a young John Cusack in a really cool trenchcoat (young John Cusack . . . purrrrrr . . .).
Help effective, and appreciated.
February 27th, 2007 at 10:56 am
Well, this is the tail end of this thread and as usual I’m late to arrive, but since this is the thread Dingo returned to comment in, this is where I’ll put this:
Dingo,
I have nothing but the highest respect for your humor, your intellect, your very humanity. I wish you would stay and continue to feast on comix foibles with us, but I understand how some comments can really get under the skin and irritate. It’s doubly terrible that something hurt YOU, of all people, who has been one of the premiere wits and highly respected member of this site.
Of all the most ridiculous things to have evolved in our time, it is the “what about the children” whine that pervades our society, especially in the case of Lamont Cranston. Anyone who reads even a handful of posts here should quickly come to realize that this is a site for grown-ups, not for kids. The entire Internet is a “click at your own risk” place and sanitation begins at home. Anyone who gets a PC and hooks it up to the Internet AND has children has the responsibility to have filters in place before Junior starts surfing the ‘net.
The first time I saw one of your links I was startled to say the least, but hell, I’m a grown-up and once I realized what NSFW meant (and that it had nothing to do with the National Transportation Safety Board which is what I think of anytime I see it) I thought okay, that’s fair dinkum.
And as was pointed out, no one needed to scroll at all to get the gist of what might take place in the graphic (and I did and the artwork was very good.) To my mind, anyone who took the extra step to scroll walked right into it. Still, I added that a warning would have been nice. I had no idea it was you who was Lamont Cranston but it reminded me of you, and how much I missed your linky surprises.
I say all that to say this to you: Screw ‘em. If “children” come to this site, then “children” ought to have a parental unit standing nearby to guard against surprise links and to wipe noses and fetch glasses of water. Additionall, if posters can’t respect different lifestyles in the world, then they should simply go away if they are offended, instead of staying and offending, themselves. Most of us have made same-sex jokes regarding the characters of the comic strips with the understanding that it is about the characters and not meant as gay-bashing in general. If I have ever said anything to have offended you or any aspect of your life, please believe me when I say I absolutely never intended such a thing. I can’t recall if I might have but that’s the thing, I wouldn’t have realized it if I did.
Don’t leave, Dingo. We will miss you. You know that; dude, you surely must know that by now :-) But if you feel you would be happier or better off going, then take my kindest regards with you.
Absolutely true, True Fable
February 27th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Damn, I wish Dingo would reconsider this. As someone who rarely posts but has been reading this site since last summer (does that still make me a newbie? crap), I can safely say I’ve never seen another board that maintains such quality for so long. It’s true that more mean-spirited comments are showing up and it’s a shame, but they’re a small percentage. With around 300 comments per post, you’d expect it to be a total mess of trolls and junk, but most of the comments are still literate and funny. I think this site draws nice people in general.
February 27th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
I generally have nothing to add to any thread, but I will be happy to lead a mass exile from the strip if it will mean my leaving allows Dingo to return. Like many others, I looked forward to the Dinger’s posts and links, he being much smarter than I, and the pleasant surprises that laid therein. I hate to see posters driven away from blog threads, having witnessed such on another favorite site. (If you read this site, we still miss you at the X, Killer Duck!) How can we express our fondness for Dingo? The least I can do is salute your body of work here. A long and happy life to you, sir.
February 27th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Hi Dingo – I really liked reading your posts here and you seem like a really cool cat.
I don’t fully know what happened here, except perhaps someone freaked out over a cartoon depicting gay sex (sorry if I am wrong), things were said, and feelings got hurt.
If you can, try to be like the ubiquiducks in Mark Trail – just let stuff roll off your back when possible.
This is not a site for children to peruse, and it sure ain’t your fault if little Tommy’s pappy or mammy freaks out. The computer rests in their house. We’re not kid cops here-we’re here to have some respectful adult fun and laughs. Hell, I’m suprised the censor nuts haven’t taken Sly Fox to trial…
Anyway, peace and happiness,
Calico the lesbian (who thinks Abbey in JP is quite the lady, no?)
February 27th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Dingo, I’m a fan. Please, please, please return to snark another day! I hope my “undomesticated canine” comment did not annoy you.
February 27th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Dingo –
In case you do come back to this thread (like Tom Sawyer listening to his own eulogy) I left something for you at #90 on the next thread.
February 27th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
I think it’s pretty clear what pissed Dingo off; look towards the end of the “Bowling for Freedom” thread, feb. 10 (and continuing into the “onion makes me cry” on feb. 11).
The person who made the comment might’ve been attempting a joke that failed badly, a try at good-natured ribbing, etc. Maybe there was a history of bad blood between them, I don’t know, I didn’t look back much further.
I agree with the rest of you that Dingo’s comments were one of the highlights of this site and I too wish he’d come back.
Dingo, I recall long ago when you thought Josh was purging your comments (turns out he wasn’t) and you said goodbye, never to return. Obviously you’re more sensitive than your snark and biting wit might indicate. I doubt that the person in question meant to hurt you this bad; I also disagree that this site has gotten nastier in general — I think it’s actually gotten pretty warm and cuddly by Curmudgeon standards and you certainly have a dedicated support system in place here.
I admit, it’s easy to be thin-skinned on this site. I was kind of mocked once, long ago, by some a-hole, and it took me a while to get over that, but generally we do a pretty good job policing ourselves, ignoring the trolls, etc. I came close to calling out the poster who made that stupid “fag” comment this past weekend but decided to let it go rather add fuel to the fire.
February 27th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
Late again I am, to use old Time magazine style of writing sentences backward (Winston Churchill, in disgust, described the Time style as “backward ran sentences until reeled the mind” which makes a good lead-in to…)
My mind is reeling. Dingo has stated that he plans to leave this site for good, citing changes and recent racist and homophobic comments. I don’t think any of mine are guilty (I’m Macb, by the way, not Mac, or another poster with similar moniker) but if anything I’ve said offended I am sorry. I did take some swipes at Dick Cheney, but I don’t think that’s what Dingo was alluding to (sorry for ending the sentence with a preposition). Anyway, late is better than never to add my voices to all those others: Dingo, please don’t go.
February 27th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Sorry, it was the critic Wolcott Gibbs who made the comment about Time magazine’s style back in the 1930s, not the equally-curmudgeonly Winston Churchill.
February 28th, 2007 at 3:14 am
whoamItoday? I’m Aunty. Aunty a day late but still, here I am.
I too have tried to find a post that would be so unusual as to be offensive to Dingo in particular and homosexuals in general. Nothing stands out to me in the general sense, as there are many general insults about all sorts of categories of people. In the particular sense, yeah, someone did say they didn’t appreciate Dingo so much, but they *seemed* to banter about it without true offense. It wasn’t flamey or anything, I thought. And I can agree with the sentiment. I appreciate your posts, but the links, not so much. Not offended, mind you, but rarely further amused than your post alone so I don’t bother. (except occaissionally when it looked like another pic of your sweetie, I would look to see that it was still the same sweetie and be all ‘aw gee’ that it was. ‘Cause love is grand.)
The thing is, hiding out pouting then sneaking back in to post a ‘test’ is just not a viable way of dealing with being offended. If you are offended, say so. Or suck it up and move on. None of us can see you pouting in the corner, after all. Sneaking back in disguise seems to have only made the situation worse by offending someone who was honest enough to say so and (worse yet) setting off the spam bot.
I’m hoping Josh can fix the banning of your IP addresses, and you can see your way to coming back. and if you’re offended by what someone says then by gosh, call ‘em on it. (or call the Pope) . including me if you are offended by this.
February 28th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
I’m a couple of days late but feel the need to chime in anyhow. Rich, thanks for pointing out what was probably the incident that hurt our Dingo. I remembered it and figured that was what he was talking about, but I couldn’t remember exactly when it happened or in what thread.
Dingo, let me just say, along with so many others here, that I will miss you terribly if you decide not to post here anymore. I hope you will stay. It’s not cool that someone took a shot at you, but I hope you can tell that you have many, many more supporters here than detractors. And I really do think the vanishing posts were a case of the spam filter acting up, not censorship by Josh. (For those who believe in such things, Mercury is currently retrograde, which is said to cause all kinds of odd things to happen on the Internets.)
I do totally understand that you need to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, particularly while job-hunting. I wish you all the success in the world in finding a wonderful job, and I hope things continue to go wonderfully between you and your sweetie. You are loved and appreciated here, my friend. Please know that.
Love,
Dub
February 28th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Heavens to Mergatroid is anybody still reading this thread?
This is what I get for being away for two days – I had to scroll back scroll back scroll back to see what happened.
Oh, Dingo! Me loves you so!
I don’t know what else to say that hasn’t already been said. I wish you the very best in life — and really you should write a book. You are a true master.
Love, Luna