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Outside Mark’s comfort zone

Mark Trail, 4/14/11

Ha ha, the extent to which Cherry continues to not get Mark will never cease to be funny to me. “Was she pretty?” she asks, and at this point in their long, sexless life together one assumes that she actually wants a “yes” answer, if only because it would indicate that Mark knows what “pretty” means — which he doesn’t, as this exchange makes clear. Notice that Mark doesn’t even try to answer the question. If we could read the thought balloons in panel one as seen from Mark’s perspective they would go like this: “Who is this woman named Lonnie who you said may have saved your life? [loud white noise, like static from a television]”

Hagar the Horrible, 4/14/11

Meanwhile, Hagar appears to have killed his dog! That … that’s not cool.

328 responses to “Outside Mark’s comfort zone”

  1. Écureuil Écumant
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    MT: And of course Mark has no clue that Cherry will keep asking that question at moments when she thinks he’s most unguarded.

  2. CanuckDownSouth
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Soap strips always confuse me about what twisted thing they think a healthy relationship is. Never mind FOOB, in MW we have a woman who ignores her time-critical job to think but one thought: “cute guy!”. She can’t summon up a hope, dream or hobby to tell her date about herself… and yet I have a sneaking sense of dread that this is the start of a good matchup according to the Worthiverse.

  3. sporknpork
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Uh, did a bird just fall out of a tree and die?

  4. Chip
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Don’t forget to keep one suit for all the funerals of your friends and relatives! And then you’ll be buried in it!

  5. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Did you know Dennis the Menace had an older brother?

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_P5-KXUCbsI8/SoBaIQ-M6zI/AAAAAAAAIAA/EnN_NVgEc6U/s1600-h/This+Funny+World+Ketcham+Nov+27+1950.jpg

    According to Ger Apeldoorn‘s website The Fabulous Fifties, Hank Ketcham was one of a string of cartoonists* whose work appeared in the McNaught Syndicate’s This Funny World single-panel series (1945-1985).

    The cartoon I’ve linked to above is from November 27, 1950 — several months before Dennis the Menace made his official debut in 16 newspapers on March 12, 1951. The family resemblance to the Dennis Mitchell we know (and love?) is unmistakable!

    *Mort Walker, Stan and Jan Berenstain, Dick Cavalli, Henry Boltinoff and Ted Key were a few of the other stringers!

  6. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    DtM – ‘Lisa, get over here, quick! That Mitchell kid got into the beer again!’

  7. ThatKitchenWench
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#2): No, it won’t. Because, of course, she’s a woman who clearly *wants* a sexual relationship, which means she’s an irresponsible harlot. She’ll get in great trouble for blowing off her shift, learn her lesson about pursuing boys, and only then might she be allowed to find love (not sex).

  8. Oregonian
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Dazed by the discovery that he is living in the world of Mark Trail, Billy the Barn Owl rolls over onto his back and plunges kamikaze-style into the ground

  9. Maggie the Cat
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#3): @Oregonian (#8):

    I think Mark bored it to death.

  10. boojum
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    MT: Wait… Mark writes up these stories? I thought his articles were more like the Sunday strips, under the theme “Nature Red in Tooth and Claw.” But if he writes up his adventures, then… the daily strips are not works of an omniscient if slightly baked narrator, but Mark’s own recounting of events – filtered through his sexless, mildly autistic consciousness.

    That… that actually kinda helps explain the plots. And in Mark’s imagination, he’s always wearing his favorite khaki shirt.

  11. Maggie the Cat
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    A3G- Just look at Margo Magee, the coquettish little minx, giggling and tee-heeing away at Trey. She obviously wants to “open his satchel and spread out the plans” in more ways than one.

  12. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    MT – Apparently the smoke from the burning dope shed has made it over to Mark’s place, and the owls are now stoned.

    Pluggers – ‘Why thank you, sir, we appreciate the donation. We were running quite low on our supply of clip on ties and powder blue polyester leisure suits. Did you need a reciept for your taxes?’

  13. boojum
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Liza Horné, L.P.N.: This is getting ridiculous. Is this really how Karen Moy thinks you do “sexy”? Liza has turned into the female equivalent of a 17-year-old boy whose entire conversation consists of “…if you know what I mean. And I think you do. And if you don’t, I’m talking about getting a little something from between your legs.”

  14. MapDark
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#3):

    LOL I just noticed the seemingly dead bird in the second panel XD

    MW : NO! Liza! People are not hobbies! Jesus that woman is a creep!

    9CL : yes! a car chase would ACTUALLY make this storyline interersting at this point.

    Hagar : Someone’s going to have PETA on their ass.

    BB : I think it’s clear by the chef’s expression in the second panel that he wants to quit his job . “Hell , I’m not a babysitter , so why do I have to deal with people who have the IQ of a 3 years old?” “I hate turnips.. gawd!”

    Blondie : Elmo , here , embodies everything that is wrong with american eating habits!

    Zits : Jeremy’s dad got an aneurysm when he realised from today’s strip that his son is so incompetant and dependant on his mother that he’ll never leave the house before he’s 45 years old..

  15. Flummoxicated
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#2): you’re so right about the “healthy” relationships in soaps; look at today’s Mark Trail, which ends with Cherry saying, “rather than having an actual conversation with my spouse, I’ll just read his account of what happened that he writes for a mass audience!”

    I’m thinking, by the way, that maybe Mark writes for Adventure magazine. Maybe the cover of the issue in which his fantastic story about cravat-wearing diamond smugglers, Mom jeans-wearing luscious ladies, and a circus strong man drug lord will look like this!

  16. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#6):
    Ha, at first I though Dennis was behaving as a feral animal again and he got into the garbage.
    Did your hear that Applebee’s recently got a kid drunk on a Margarita by accident?

  17. LoFoMoFo
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m certain I’ve never worn a suit to restaurant that had paper napkin dispensers on the tables.

  18. Captain Plaid Pants
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MW: “Well Drew, besides liking you, as you can see I like pearl necklaces… and double entendres. I also like not having a gag reflex and not being subtle.”

  19. McManx
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MTrail — Considering Mark’s sexless existance, it seems all the women in his life, Cherry, Kelly, now Lonnie, all have jet black hair with blue streaks. I have to consider this a pattern, and wonder if Mark ever runs across a redhead that he would go horndog on us in a heartbeat.

    DTracy — Okay, is the new Dick Tracy team really going to dig up every old character and gimmick in the history of this strip? Its as if they hired new artists, but forgot to hire a new writer, and the poor artists are pouring over 50 years of dailies for inspiration. At this rate, they’ll have to resurrect Flattop in about 6 weeks.

    Phantom — Ghost Who Walks is whacking the Python… oh, wait; that sounds filthy.

  20. OneMan
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Is it just me or shouldn’t the Horribles be more concerned about why their children never eat with them. Perhaps Honi is worried about becoming as large as Helga

  21. Captain Plaid Pants
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Margo: “Go-Go Gadget Neck!”

  22. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @boojum (#10):
    Mark’s writeups may very well go something along the lines of this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg
    (Don’t watch if you are eating, and does contain 4-letter words)

  23. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    HAH!

    The MT bird would like a word.

    I am VENGENCE!

    motivational corgi.

    added to my Xmas wish list. (PG-13 for certain values of 13.)

    not officially a big kitteh, but dat’s a big kitteh.

    Picard/Wesley. (PG-13)

    a handful of fennecs. SQWEEEEE!

    an otter with a cookie on its head. Your argument is invalid.

    epic cosplay, with corgi.

    corgi family portrait.

    corgipup in a lap. Your brain is now mush.

  24. tb4000
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Hagar: I assume that this is a subtle way of saying that feeding your dog people food can kill it, but damn guys.

  25. Captain Plaid Pants
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    MT: “But Mark, you never answered my question. Is she pretty? Is she prettier than me? Did you sleep with her!? DID YOU FUCK HER!? DID SHE SUCK YOUR DICK?!?! Oh, my! I don’t know what came over me. I was feeling all liberated and uppity for a minute there. I’m better now. So anyway, is she pretty?”

  26. Little Guy
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    DT: “Yeah, they still work, but the drivers have to load in the right order. Check your CONFIG.SYS”.

  27. Maggie the Cat
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    The image of Berna shoveling a tiny spoonful of ice cream into her pie hole, ape-style, is a bit disturbing. I expect her to unpeel a banana with her toes next.

  28. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

  29. pugfuggly
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    MT: And with that, a small worm, personifying Cherry’s last remaining hope for physical contact, crawled out of her left ear and threw itself in the lake…

    really, what is that thing….?

    MW: Nothing quite compares to the creepiness of having your date answer a simple question about her passions with the answer ‘They vary…’, followed by a prolonged silence while she stares intently at your forehead…

    A3G: Giggle giggle…..Stop sniffing the cleaner fumes off your gloves Margo….

    S-M: “If I were you, I’d turn around and head for home, eat some chips, watch daytime TV and fall asleep on the couch…I mean, if I were you I would probably be doing that all the time….”

  30. Dood
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Today we learn that Margo’s bun has its own language, which sounds like “Giggle…giggle…Ha, ha, ha.”

  31. Ned Ryerson
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Berna and Rex hit a strip club. This should be fun.

  32. UncleJeff
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Cherry: “So, Mark. Did you and Lonnie ‘get it on’?”
    Mark: “Get WHAT on?”
    Cherry: “Did you get into her pants?”
    Mark: “Why would I want to get INTO her pants?”
    Cherry: “Did you have sex with her?”
    Mark. “Oh yeah.”

  33. FafMor
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Luann: And next week, Quinn is going to show up with the lyrics he wrote for her song for the talent competition: “Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday. Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’). We-we-we so excited. Tomorrow is Saturday. And Sunday comes after…wards”. After the competition, Quinn & Gunther will be high-five each other – “We finally got that blue-balling bitch”.

  34. Lorne
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    “Hopefully she got back with her relatives! She did save my life, so the very least I can do is ponder vaguely about her fate with idle good intentions.”

  35. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#16):

    Did you hear that Applebee’s recently got a kid drunk on a Margarita by accident?

    There was a similar incident at an Olive Garden:

    http://www2.tbo.com/content/2011/apr/14/PMENEWSO3-tot-mistakenly-served-alcohol/

  36. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#16): I read about that, it was bizarre. I’m still trying to figure out how the booze ended up in a sippy cup unless some idiot at the resturant was trying to be funny.

  37. Dood
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Now that Mark’s back home in LoFo, can we get back to more sensible plots involving staged game hunts and whacky-ass political ambitions?

  38. Esther Blodgett
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    MW: The only reason I’m following this story is to see if that table finally disappears altogther.

  39. Krazy Kat
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Mark’s gunshot wound to the head seems to have healed nicely. I guess now there’s really no need to press charges against the diamond thief who shot him. Heck, there’s no reason to really pursue the conclusion of that diamond thief plot line at all now, is there? I mean, hey, that was months ago now!

  40. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    MW – ‘But I’m considering a new one. Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge nudge, nudge nudge.’

    I’m Not a Doctor, I Just Have a Thing About White Lab Coats – That first panel image of Berna just begs to be enshrined on a t-shirt.

  41. TheDiva
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    MT: “I guess I’ll read about the wild uninhibited sex in your letter to Penthouse, then….”

    9CL: Why not? It can’t be any sillier than anything that preceded it.

    C’shaft: Crankshaft knows that in the Funkyverse, there’s no sense in trying to improve your quality of health or life.

    FW: I guess we all knew that nothing less than sheer destitution would convince Darin and Mrs. Darin to return to Westview.

    JP: Music? Great, that narrows it down. Next you’ll tell me he likes food and movies.

    Luann: If this ends with Luann wearing the Clown Nightmare and getting praise from the judges for her originality and cutting-edge style, I will smack you so hard, Mr. Evans….

    MW: Are their really men out there who are attracted to women who have no interests or conversation beyond their pursuit of a boyfriend/husband/f-buddy/whatever? If so, I’m very glad I never met them.

  42. Pseudo3D
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#y163): Yes, I did make a typo, which I can admit. The Great McEldowney is too good to admit a grammatical error, however.

    FW: Does Summer always have the same expression?

    FC: Bil, after stripping Jeffy nude and attempting to bury him alive, now tries to drown him. Why try, Bil? He cannot die! Jeffy is immortal!

  43. FortyTwo
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#3): I thought the eagle was just doing the backstroke.

  44. Esther Blodgett
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    FW: Ah yes, a “talented MBA” should go far in Westview. Or would, if the town’s entire economy consisted of more than one high school, a pizza parlor, a comic-book shop, and a very busy hospital. Maybe the cemetery needs an over-qualified extra caretaker.

  45. Not Just Any Dipstick
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Hagar did NOT kill the dog. The arsenic laced rotten skunk meat on Hagar’s plate did.

  46. nescio
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    A3G: When doing a dirty chore, put on rubber gloves to protect your hands. No reason not to put the filthy gloves against your face and mouth, though.

    B.C.: I’m presuming the “sister” is Cute Chick, because she’s the only other woman in the strip. You think she’d have been knocked up by now.

    D.T.: The govt probably sold off the rights to the broadcast frequency on the wrist radios by now.

    Ziggy: Behold the only living descendent of Elder One Yog Ziggoth.

  47. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    RMMD – I could swear I saw this on an old episode of Starsky and Hutch.

  48. phud
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    So this is what Popeye sees in Olive Oyl

  49. JeffDC
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    I think we’re missing something from Hagar. It’s Helga’s attempt to poison Hagar that is really to blame for Snert’s demise. Hagar may be the one directly responsible because, knowing of Helga’s murderous intent, he used Snert to test which food was poisoned. (I assume it was the eggs or potatoes or whatever round objects sit at the center of the table, as Hagar is happily devouring the only other option, the poultry of some unknown variety.) But Hagar can only really be guilty of manslaughter, or dogslaughter as the case may be. While he may have acted recklessly and in a manner in which Snert’s death could have been foreseen, he lacks mens rea, i.e., he has no intent to kill or malice. He merely wants to determine which food is edible. In some jurisdictions, he might be able to claim self-preservation as a defense. Helga, on the other hand, is guilty of murder in the first degree, as her intent to kill Hagar with malice aforethought can be transferred to the ultimate victim, Snert. In conclusion, BURN HER!!!

  50. Illustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    MT: Every comment made so far today on the curmudgeon about Mark Trail are things I as well saw when first seeing today’s strip. The same old khaki shirt, the upsidedown owl, the way Mark is avoiding giving Cherry a straight answer concerning Lonnie’s looks.

    And what’s with that owl’s face? It looks like a face of some other type of creature besides a bird. Is Lost Forest actualy located on the island of Dr. Moreau? That could also explain a lot of questions we’ve had about Rusty.

    The main thing with today’s strip is Cherry’s insecurity in her relationship with Mark and her constant frustration of Mark’s unwillingness to give her any direct answers to her questions. Insead Mark continues to ramble on to Cherry about other boring things he encountered but ignoring Cherry’s concerns about Lonnie.

    By Mark sidestepping Cherry’s concerns about Lonnie’s appearance it becomes clearer than ever that Mark most definitly DID shack up with Lonnie, and not just in the literal sense but actually had a sexual affair with her. But to be fair to Mark he could very well have been asleep during the sex part with Lonnie since had he been awake he would have probably been so startled by the thought of physical contact with a woman he would have punched his way out of her bedroom!

    My advise to Cherry is to get Mark some serious psychological help and also get herself a good lawyer QUICK!

  51. Illustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    THAT’s Otto alright! Publisher Bill Ellis is an editorial GENIUS!

  52. Illustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    THAT’s Otto alright! That Bill Ellis publisher guy must be some sort of editorial GENIUS!

  53. Vince M
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    MT: No need to read about it, Cherry – Mark just described the action of the last few months in all the fleshed-out detail there was.

  54. Esther Blodgett
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    I thought the upside-down bird-thing in Mark Trail might make more sense turned right-side-up. But I was wrong.

  55. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    9CL: I’m not sure what it’s called, but I believe it’s manage a tois…[/Seinfeld]

    A3G: Oh, it’s WACKY!

    Sher. Laggoo.: How ’bout “Dust in the Wind”?

    RwO: Right in the BP!

  56. Carlo
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Maybe Hagar is feeding Snert the onion-laden Rachael Ray dog food recipe.

    Archie: No lie, I really LOVE the background art in Archie. To wit: today’s Weatherbee bobblehead.

  57. sporknpork
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#54): LOL! My god, I’ve got tears in my eyes from laughing at that image.

  58. Illustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Krazy Kat (#39):
    MT: That would be a great story line having Mark receive a summons to appear in court to testify against Bill Smith for shooting him in the head. Mark would then of course become a fugitive because he’d be off on another assignment somewhere again doing something stupid again.

  59. Randy
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    When Mark “writes the story”? Don’t hold your breath–Mark has been living for years off the advances from unfinished articles. He never “writes” anything.

  60. Tophat
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    I’m playing count the mouths on Cherry in the first panel and keep losing.

  61. Jessy
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @ThatKitchenWench (#7): Yes. And I think she is also a stalker. Perhaps this plot will even tie into the too easily resolved “evils of the Internet” plot that was recently introduced.

  62. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Popeye: Stiff as a board. Or, in Arrested Development-speak, a surfboard.

    Marv: This week really explains everything!

    MG&G:
    Bang! Bang! Peters’ anvil hammer
    comes down on our heads…
    (Beatlepologies)

    MW: Her new passion: Drippy thought balloons to gag on.

  63. Effluvius Erratus
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    A3G: I can’t help but read “GIGGLE GIGGLE HA HA HA” as is Margo is saying the words, drenched in bitter, scornful sarcasm, as if she’s chastising herself almost having human emotions like hope or longing.

    Better Huff: As in…Stanley’s clearly been huffing something this week given his obsession with impractical razors.

    Blondie: Dagwood, wide-eyed in panel 2, confronting the existential horror of the idea that he might need a snack and not know it!

    FC: Do it, Bil! Do it! You ignored the oracle when she told you to nail him in a box and throw it into the sea, but this will work just as well!

    FW: “Talented MBA”? As if we needed more evidence of Batiuk’s psychotic break with reality.

    Popeye: “Scared stiff”? After 92 years, Oliver Oyl’s secret is revealed.

    Snuffy Smith: Easy for you to say, Snuffy. You don’t have any income to tax.

    Ziggy: Haw-haw! Ziggy’s family comes from Innsmouth! /oversnark

    @McManx (#19): If there’s one think this week’s strips have shown us, it’s that Kit sure is good at beating off the Python—no matter how hard he’s comin’.

  64. sporknpork
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Tophat (#60): I just thought she grew a blonde soul patch while Mark was gone.

  65. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Luann:

    Nancy: “I’m just going to continue forcing that incompetent, creepy geek on you while destroying my son’s relationship with a good woman at every corner.”

    Luann: “What?!”

    Nancy: “……Nothing.”

  66. But What Do I Know?
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#31): Berna and Rex visit a strip club–my Slimy Sense in tingling!!

    FW — Yes, tell the high school senior how worthless your advanced college degree really is. How motivational. . .

    FC — Jeffy, if Daddy Keane wanted it to be safe he wouldn’t have filled the tub up to the top. Now get in there!!

  67. rascal skeeters
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Today’s “Crankshaft” was an homage to “Cathy”…

    Today’s “Popeye” …well, you can see why Alice the Goon couldn’t stop saying she loved Popeye. Olive is stuck in a position which confuses Wimpy but Popeye surely knows that position look familiar.

  68. Illustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    MT: Cherry, becoming so dazzeled by Mark’s presence, can’t help but become more and more cross-eyed from her escalating delirium, as illustrated in panel #3. (Could be the blood pressure Cherry, get your butt to the Lost Forest medical center ASAP!)

  69. Comcis Fan
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    FW: I think the expression would be, “That and five bucks will get you” that fancy coffee sold to yuppies who care about bird habitats. Anyway, a jobless MBA should fit in well at Montoni’s. Watch in coming months as this couple’s good humor and youthful enthusiasm melt into bitter sarcasm and resentment.

    S4th: Much as I like this strip, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t relate to someone so excited about heading a corporate HR department. Does she get to do the exit interviews with her marketing staff? Sal, what happened to those dreams of yours?

    Blondie: Where have this Elmo and this Dagwood been all these years?

    MW: Are we heading to a meddle, in which Mary instructs Liza to read the newspaper, take a class — painting with Toby, perhaps — and develop her own interests so she can have something interesting to say to Drew? One can only hope.

  70. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MT: For Cherry’s part, she seems to expect that the byline “Mark Trail” will know things like the fate and whereabouts of Lonnie when the man she’s actually talking to is clueless about them. Is she actually right? Does writer-Mark have knowledge and insight that the Mark we see lacks? Because that would partly account for how he can actually make a living.

    RMMD: Rex’s pained expression is indeed a thing of beauty. Whether it’s the height of today’s installment or whether it’s outshined by Berna preparing to shovel chocolate fudge ice cream into her left nostril, competition is fierce.

    A3G: “Now turn your head and cough.”

    Marvin: Ah, food that looks like vomit. Now Marvin has all the major bodily fluid groups covered.

    GA: Whoa! Who saw that coming? Aside from everybody with a brain stem.

    SFx: Who knew that gorilla swing was a spectator sport?

    DT: Sam just said “two way radio”! While the art and story have picked up incredibly from the Locher-Brozman days, labelling overkill continues.

    OBH: Aptly enough, Mr. Potato Head always has a poker face.

    JP: In an avant garde touch, all of Sophie’s dialogue here on out will be in Swedish once she learns Derek is a big fan of Yngwie Malmsteen.

    Ziggy: Ziggy’s descent from Lovecraftian eldritch demons is unsurprising, although I imagine it’s a disappointment for them.

    FC: Oh believe me, Jeffy, we all know you’ll stay in the shallow end, in and out of the bath. And Bil? Please find a better way to transport your naked son.

  71. Comcis Fan
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Forgot to close off the italics in my FW comment!

  72. Comcis Fan
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    MW: The monotony of Liza’s inner dialogue is surpassed only by the monotony of her outer one.

  73. Dennis Jimenez
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    MT – Was she pretty – yes – JE Paturn Pretty Girl One – Hopefully she got back to her relatives – I could give a hoot – I’ve got another clone in you Cherry – but watch your step – I’ve got another one in the closet – I think Kelly may have a screw loose, though, so you are probably OK for now – but don’t take anything for granted – I might be hoping you got back to your relatives.

    HtH – Wow, does anybody really find any merit in this strip? And I mean, it’s been running this baloney forever – it is indeed a mysterious world.

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  74. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    MT: “Was she pretty?”! (said, by me, like Oliver Hardy in exasperation) Elrod’s fine grasp of women continues unabated (eyeroll).

    JP: Or, she could just, you know, ASK him or something, instead of cynical manipulation. Oh, silly me, I thought maybe Woody Wilson had a better grasp of woman characters than, say, JACK ELROD!

    HotC: Oh, great, a pint-sized I Love Lucy for creepy, overrated (pre)teen(like) idols!

  75. Anonymous
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @Tophat (#60): @sporknpork (#64):
    MT: THAT’S no mouth on the bottom, that’s a tatoo of the letter “O” representing “Otto”! Drug lord Otto has arrived at Lost Forest to get back at Mark for burning his stash and stealing his airplane. Otto is sort of like Zorro by his marking his first initial “O” on the faces of people who get in his way! Of course Mark is so oblivious to everything going on around him he doesn’t connect the “O” tatoo on Cherry’s chin to anything but Cherry getting into the blueberry jam and not washing hir face again.

  76. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Carlo (#56):
    What. The. Hell.
    NEVER should a dog eat onions.
    Other toxic things that can hurt your pooch (and your kitteh too):
    Garlic or garlic powder
    Chocolate of any kind
    Grapes or Raisins
    Walnuts
    Macadamia nuts
    Mushrooms
    Eggplant (whole plant)
    Fish, Chicken, or pork bones-they can splinter easily and cut/pierce the intestines
    Dumb Cane (dieffenbachia)
    Mistletoe berries
    Cannabis/Pot/Hashish
    Poinsettias
    Lilies (be careful-here comes Easter/Paques!)

  77. Dennis Jimenez
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Talented MBA – that’s akin to calling the kid behind the counter at Subway, a sandwich artist….

  78. Pozzo
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    I dunno — I think Snert’s relaxing with a post-meal doobie.

  79. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#70):
    I know, Bil is holding Jeffy like the kid just shat himself. Hose him off in the driveway first!

  80. btown
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    MT: What is going on in Panel 2? Is there an earthquake? Is it toppling that eagle/owl god from atop the crude totem pole on Mark’s right?

  81. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    GT: “….Nope! Looks like he’s just going to hold that physical position until he wobbles and falls down.” (He’s no fun, he fell right over!)

    FC: The adult Jeffy says that all the time when writing this comic.

  82. Chip Whittle
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Trey must be a for-real architect, if his plans are that obviously hilarious.

    Crock Numbers Station cartoonist Incomprehensible Scribble has decided to leak information about the next Batman movie, but why? Why? WHY?

    Edge City: “I need ten pounds of pike and carp and some fish heads.” “Just a minute. I’m not quite fully dead. OK, here we go. I’m dead now. Enjoy your gefilte.”

    Funky Winkerbean: Oh yeah, failure in the outside world, that’s what brings people back to Westview to make gibberish comments about Starbucks.

    Gil Thorp: “We expect to use a lot of pitchers this season. I’m thinking of using them as walls, or maybe some kind of fish. I dunno, maybe a sports coach would have a better idea. Know any homeless guys or something I can get to coach them?”

    Mandrake: “The main gate and everything else work on remote control computers! There’s an eelctric charge on top! Want to test it? There’s a flock of LASER DINOSAURS that prowl the grounds! And, uh, the super-secret safe room is through a TELEPORT RING to another time dimension!”

  83. Lost in the mail
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail — Is that creepy looking bird from another dimension? Or is all of Lost Forest simply located in another dimension, accounting for all the wierd looking birds, giant animals, stiff mannequin people from the 1940′s and hideous mutant kids named Rusty??

  84. Dood
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#31): Is June working a shift there?

  85. Liam
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    MW-Can stalking be called a passion?

  86. Doctor Handsome
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Cherry probably still has a lot of questions about her presumed-dead husband’s month of increasingly unlikely adventures, but she’ll have to read about it in the newspaper. Sure, it’s tempting to just ask him some follow-up questions right now, but she knows she’s already exhausted her Spousal Intimacy Allowance for the week. You’d think Mark’s extended disappearance would be grounds for a longer conversation, but no; those minutes don’t roll over.

  87. Dood
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#85): Ask Aldo.

  88. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    MT – I can’t wait to read Mark’s article. Is it gonna be like the ‘what did you do this weekend’ assignments my first grader does?

    ‘I went fishing, and a man shot his gun at me and I hurt my head. Then I took a boat to an island, and made friends with this girl and her mommy who were trapped there by a mean man named Otto. There was a big fire, and we got on this plane and flew far away. Then I came home and we had pancakes.’

  89. Liam
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Hagar the Horrible-The wife is upset that the amount of poison she put in the food has not yet killed Hagar.

  90. Neigedens
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @boojum (#10): And that’s why every lady in the strip (by which I mean “Cherry and Kelly”) is always wearing the same pink blouse and mom jeans outfit! (Except Lonnie, who mysteriously had a plunging neckline.)

  91. Anonymous
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @btown (#80):
    MT: Hmmmm, that’s an interesting scenario. Could it be that Lost Forest is located in northern Japan? Or maybe Alaska? The earthquake and carved wooden owl/eagle idle falling from the totem pole could form clues to help answer many things regarding just where Jack Elrod’s mind may have been wandering for the past sixty years.

  92. Jessy
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#16): Yes, and I do not see how that happened. @Rocky Stoneaxe (#35): Yes, and I don’t know how that happened. In the most recent of these incidents, no one at the table ordered alcohol. When I worked in a restaurant, the bar was totally separate from the kitchen and food areas, as it should be.

  93. Jim North
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Archie: Whoa. I’m not sure exactly what to make of Mr. Weatherbee’s secretary. Hot or not? Woman or guy? Tomorrow’s strip definitely better have a hot hallway chick to help wash away this confusion. You always know where you stand with them at least.

    Blondie: The “E” in “Elmo” stands for “Enabler”. The “lmo” stands for . . . um, “Last” . . . “Monkey” . . . “Overlord”. I’m no good with acronyms.

    FC: My brain automatically tacked on “of the gene pool”. Which I have to admit is a pretty easy promise for Jeffy to keep.

    FW: “Uh, actually, I’m pretty sure that ‘not having trouble finding something’ is more likely to get you a job.” Hooray for vague antecedents! And WRITING!

    MT: “Hmm,” said Jack Elrod as he stared at his almost-finished masterpiece. “Feels like I’m forgetting someth- oh, shit, that whole jealousy thing! Okay, okay, we can save this . . . ‘was . . . she . . . pretty?’ Gah, wait, now the new word balloon is covering up the bird! Well, that’s fine, I’ll just move the bird over to the second panel and- oops! Turned it upside down and I don’t remember how to Undo. Meh, like anyone will notice. BAM! Another strip done and down the pipe. And speaking of pipes . . . *puff puff* . . . oh, yah, that’s toasty.”

    Marvin: I’ve been more or less ignoring Marvin since it started doing the whole weird foods thing, but on that subject . . . I’ve recently started putting Tabasco® sauce on my ham sandwiches, and it’s absolutely delicious. Does anyone know of a company that perhaps makes Tabasco® mayonnaise, or am I gonna have to mix up a jar of it myself?

    Phantom: Just kiss already!

  94. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .internet pr0n, buzzy gadgets, and a long train entering the tunnel.

  95. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#79): That’s called the “Marvin special”, isn’t it?

  96. ILlustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    MT:
    Cherry; “Was she pretty, Mark?
    Mark; “WAS she pretty?! Why, she was as pretty as….as… that upside down mutant faced owl falling out of this old dead tree! Now THERE’S some REAL natural beauty if I’ve ever seen any!”
    Cherry; “Oh Mark, you say the nicest things when you stop by every year or so”.
    Mark; “Sorry Cherry, gotta run! There’s a little girl named Ava down in Miami who asked me to help her and her mother bring in their harvest and help them with marketing the crop”.

  97. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#76): I think it’s safe to say that when your dog eats your pot, nobody wins.

  98. Karen Sue
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    GA: The old dine and dash.

  99. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#76):

    Things Marmaduke shouldn’t eat, but does:

    The neighborhood cat
    The Neighborhood Watch Group
    The neighbors
    Streetlamps
    Mailboxes
    The mailman
    VW Beetles
    Those cars that look like they were made in the 1940s
    Minivans
    SUVs
    Sherman Tanks
    Sherman
    The space shuttle once they’re all put out to stud
    A baseball team
    A football team
    The Senate
    The House of Representitives
    The population of Austin, Texas
    Donald Trump
    Donald Trump’s ego
    The full interior of Snoopy’s doghouse
    A Sunday comic strip from back when they took an entire page (*sigh!*)
    Brooke McEldowney’s ego
    The Mall of America
    His artist’s drawing implements
    His artist’s drawing table
    His artist
    The oceanliner from the end of “Bad Luck Blackie”
    Tom Batiuk’s ego
    Rush Limbaugh
    Michael Moore
    Cerebus Church & State (both volumes)
    A video collection of every “Simpsons” episode ever made
    The Giant Doorknob from early “Late Night with David Letterman”
    Flies (an appetizer)
    King Kong
    The Satellite of Love
    Megaweapon
    this furshlugginer list!

  100. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#99):
    HAHAHAHAHA! The Bottomless Pit That is Hellbeast Marmaduke.

    There’s a pet shop nearby and the young lady owner also owns a female GD-first time she met me I was wearing a bucket hat that said “Ottawa Police” on it and I had just come from a little butchery/deli place where they cook several prepared meals as well-I smelled completely like food and along with the hat, I was almost a nice snacky snack for her Highness the Great Dane.
    (She barked but didn’t bite, and she knows me now and I can pat her and she likes me for me – but that day was a little, um, nerve-wracking)

  101. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    GA – I don’t know whether Cousin Chubby will return or not, but regardless, I think Slim and Clovia should speak to the manager. Apparently whatever they were served in their cups has caught fire.

  102. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    6Chix – WANT.

    A&J – Okay, did Arlo ‘N Janis just take a gigantic swipe at legacy comics, or am I projecting?

    Crankshaft – Jeff doesn’t really care about the diet, and would more than likely prefer that his father-in-law die off as soon as possible. What bothers him about this is that someone in his household is having a good time.

    Crock – wha

    DT – OH GOD IT’S SLIM WHAT’S HE DOING IN DICK TRACY MAKE HIM GO AWAY oh wait, no, that’s just Chief Whatsisname. Thank God. ← old 2-way wrist radio

    FC – drown drown drown drown drown drown drown

    FW – So do you think Batiuk has been taking gleeful notes as the surfeit of people with four-year degrees in the job market deflates their value, or was it an independent invention of his patented Misery Maximization Algorithms?

    GT – I’m damned if I understand what’s happening in panel two. Is he throwing the glove? Is the glove catching something that was thrown but is not visible? Is the glove emitting baseball radiation with a deafening BAM? I have no idea.

    JP – I’m praying to God that this will result in Sophie coming to school dressed like Jimi Hendrix.

    Luann – Yep. That’s what we’re going with. It depresses me that I know Luann well enough to predict this without a second thought.

    Mandrake – Reminds me of the plans I’m always making for my own fortress. I’ve always planned on having a large stone tower here in the middle of the Minnesota northwoods, but after reading a bit about Roman Britain I’m thinking of adding a nice wall around the premises too. Or would that be ostentatious?

    MT – Advice for aspiring writers: when writing dialogue for your characters, read it back to yourself. If you ever hear anything like “Who is this woman named Lonnie who you said may have saved your life?” come out of your mouth, dunk your head in a bucket of ice water. This will serve as aversion therapy.

    MW – “He looks like a fish from this angle. Dear God, what was I thinking?”

    Phantom – Maybe the reason there hasn’t been any punching in Mark Trail is because The Phantom is using it all.

    RMMD – Rex’s most perilous adventure yet: the strip club! Can his barely-masked homosexuality survive? (Answer: definitely, yes. Just so long as nobody there is a True Artist, at least.)

    SM – Jameson, shouldn’t you have learned by now?

    Ziggy – To absolutely nobody’s surprise, Ziggy is the result of generations of unspeakable depravity.

  103. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#102):
    This is all really June’s plan to Straighten out Mark, it has nothing to do with the lotto.
    JP – Or Kurt Cobain-she could do the part if she just loosens up a little!

  104. Katy
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    “Who is this woman named Lonnie who you said may have saved your life?” is 2011′s “You killed a friend of mine’s pet bear.”

  105. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    GT – This is all well and good, and somewhat interesting, but we need to get back to the Drill Sergant Nasty girls assistant coach and her masochistic shortstop now.

  106. Anonymous
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    yes, we know what white noise is :P

  107. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#102):

    RMMD – Rex’s most perilous adventure yet: the strip club! Can his barely-masked homosexuality survive? (Answer: definitely, yes. Just so long as nobody there is a True Artist, at least.)

    Oooh, burn! But I’m pretty sure Rex is a tougher nut to crack than Seth. One lives with Edda Burber, the other sleeps in the same room as June Morgan.

  108. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#103): Oh, yes. Although: mannerism-wise, she wouldn’t really have to change much to be Robert Fripp.

  109. vanya
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    I’ve just been rereading Game of Thrones in preparation for the HBO Series, and it got me thinking. What if George RR Martin were writing today’s strips?

    MT: After setting the fire successfully, resulting in the horrific death of two small children and their nurse sleeping upstairs, Mark finds the plane fails to start. Lonnie and her daughter are captured and get raped to death. Mark is held for ransom, after his hand are cut off, but manages to send a message via raven to Cherry. She and the police prepare to storm the island, but there is a mole in the force, and Cherry is sold to a brothel.

    A3G: Margo, upset at the slight to her honor, cuts Trey’s throat open with a dagger. As his blood gushes out, she sets fire to the Apartment and runs. The ensuing fire costs 32 people their lives, including 8 children. Tommie is sold to a brothel.

    9CL: It’s a setup. Turns out Fernanda and Mark had been plotting the whole time to destroy Seth’s reputation and lay claim to his inheritance. Seth guts Mark like a fish, and his entrails spill to the ground, but he is too late to save Edda, who has been sold to a brothel by Fernanda’s Argentine allies.

    FW: Martin refuses to write for this strip, claiming the subject matter is too dark and cynical for him, and he can’t find inspiration.

  110. UncleJeff
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Berna could’ve increased Rex’s enthusiasm by changing the stress of her line.
    Instead of “that guy’s strip club”…she should’ve said “that GUYS STRIP CLUB” and Rex would’ve dropped the phone and gotten right on it.

  111. Mustang
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    MT – She nursed me, a complete stranger, back to health with no thought to the horrors that might come to her and her child from the same evil thugs who murdered her husband. And all you can think to ask is if she was PRETTY??? Actually, she looked exactly like you if you wore a halter top and a wig. So, no, I wouldn’t describe her as “pretty”. I hope she gets back with her relatives or something. Girls are icky.

  112. Pop Goes the Weasel
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    JP: Is is just me, or does it look like Abby and Sophie swapped
    faces in the last 2 panels?

    GA: SUCKERS!!!

  113. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#26): Oh ho ho ho!

    @Effluvius Erratus (#63) on the response to McManx: I’m still counting the entendres.

    @Mibbitmaker (#99): “Donald Trump’s ego…Brooke McEldowney’s ego…Tom Batiuk’s ego…” There is no way possible for anything in this set of dimensions or the next 4 dimensions could possibly contain even one of these three items.

    @commodorejohn (#102) on Mandrake: Remember Vitamin T: turrets, and trebuchets!

  114. Walker of Dog
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#Y334): That voice in the last panel is Rex’s reabsorbed twin Danny, trapped in Rex’s brain and horny as hell.

    @LoFoMoFo (#17):

    MW: I’m certain I’ve never worn a suit to restaurant that had paper napkin dispensers on the tables.

    Clearly you’re not mourning with the right crowd.

    @Mibbitmaker (#99):

    The population of Austin, Texas

    Bad dog! Willie Nelson says NO!

  115. Bill Ellis Publishing LLC
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    MT: (panel #1) “Enough Cherry, ENOUGH already! Stop asking numerous questions at a time before I even have a chance to answer even one, geesh!”

    MT: (panel #2) Mark attempts to explain things to Cherry but due to her hyper active attention defficit disorder she can’t wait for Mark to finish his paragraph and instead blares out the rest of his story herself, as the placement the word ballons will attest to.

    MT: (panel #3) Hey Mark, just WHERE the hell do you think her relatives are anyway? Her husband was KILLED at their home on smuggler’s Island, remember Mark? Oh, that’s right, the head wound must have erased your memory bank. And if her relatives lived there Otto probably got rid of them as well!

    (Also in panel #3) Yeah right Cherry. Mark will get around to writing that story about the same time he gets around to finishing the interior of that cold damp cabin he talked you into co-signing the morgage for!

  116. Effluvius Erratus
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#102):

    Mandrake – Reminds me of the plans I’m always making for my own fortress. I’ve always planned on having a large stone tower here in the middle of the Minnesota northwoods, but after reading a bit about Roman Britain I’m thinking of adding a nice wall around the premises too. Or would that be ostentatious?

    It depends on how many men you have for upkeep, as well as guard duty to protect against miners, sappers, etc. In this day and age, I think a maze of razor-wire and quicksand pits, all hidden in the undergowth, would be more effective (and cheaper), especially since you can move the razor-wire as needed should the route through the maze ever be discovered.

    What are you thinking of for the tower’s offensive capability? I’m a fan of ballistas, but a giant magnifying glass would be pretty badass too.

  117. gnome de blog
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#66):
    And Rex has his prissy-face on!

  118. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @LoFoMoFo (#17): I’m certain I’ve never worn a suit to restaurant that had paper napkin dispensers on the tables.

    Isn’t that kind of a reverse Pluggers?

  119. Effluvius Erratus
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#118):

    Isn’t that kind of a reverse Pluggers?

    Sluggers? Chuggers? Luggers? Huggers? Gluggers? Buggers? What is the word for a reverse-Plugger?

  120. twg
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    MT: I don’t want to get sent to the madhouse, but the owl/bird makes sense to me.

  121. Comics Police
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail>>> Is there some sort of toxic waste in Lost Forest that causes people to have blue-black hair and mutated birds to fall upsidedown from their tree perches? Not to mention the deformed eleven year-old space cadet and his little yip-yip dog.
    These are things we seriously NEED to know and would appreciate getting some answers from Jackelrod regarding his rediculous outdated comic strip!

  122. gnome de blog
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    MW: Imagine if Liza had Mark Trail Disease so she was incapable of thought-balloons and said everything out loud.

    FW: Jessiica hasn’t said anything at all. Wouldn’t it be great if Jessica never said anything at all? She’d be the sanest person in Westview.

  123. Not Just Any Dipstick
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Was she pretty?” …. “Yes, she was. She died happy too. I almost smiled at her once, and that was all she ever wanted. And all you’ll ever get. Ha Ha.”

  124. McManx
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#63): Well, it does get lonely in the Deep Woods…

  125. MaryAnnTheRest
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @vanya (#109): Awesome! Any chance of the Martin rendition of Rex Morgan? I suspect the lottery ticket was forged by the Freys/Boltons/Greyjoys/take your pick.

  126. Mark B
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    It’s my belief that the bird in today’s Mark Trail is NOT upside down, it’s just that it has a brown ‘cap’ on its head and it’s rather poorly drawn. Perhaps like this fellow: http://www.birds.cornell.edu/crows/brown-headed%20chickadee.htm .

  127. Walker of Dog
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Step 1: Casually pick booger from nose during sexy, throaty laughing fit.
    Step 2: Casually fling booger over shoulder in devil-may-care gesture.
    Margo applies another important lesson from the life of Audrey Hepburn.

    MW: As Drew’s werewolf transformation begins, he reaches across the table and snaps off Liza’s hand at the wrist. Liza fashions a tourniquet with some paper napkins and says, “Oh Drew, I’ve been hoping you’d want to take my hand.” “(In marriage!)”

    Phan: Kit, please don’t get the 13th Phantom started. “In my day, we didn’t have all these fancy fighting skills. We threw rocks at each other and tried to maneuver into position to bite off our opponent’s toes. Fisticuffs hadn’t been invented yet, and that was just fine with us. Tell ‘em, 14th Phantom.”
    *sigh* “Right, Dad.”

    Plug: All Pluggers are professional mourners.

    MT/9CL: As a last public service before her death, the owl took a big crap on the assembled 9CL characters. Oh noble bird of prey, your courageous act will not be forgotten.

    FC: A quick bath for Jeffy, then it’s back into the wicker storage box until Monday.

    FW: In the Funkiverse, buyouts are payable in snakes and Enron shares.

  128. MaryAnnTheRest
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Also, complain about Luann all you like, but at least Elwood hasn’t shown up with a $50,000 gown.

    Now there’s a strip that needs the GRRM treatment. Push Luann off the Aerie! Send Elwood to the Wall!

  129. Mark B
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think it’s only a couple more days until Liza has dialogue like “It puts the lotion on its skin … or it gets the hose.”

  130. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Hagar the Horrible: Lutefisk and Syltelabb haven’t killed off Hagar’s tastebuds or life. Why would he worry about a dish Helga got from “Loretta Lockhorn’s Big Book of Man-Pleasin’ Recipes (featuring aspic)?”

    Snuffy Smith: I see Dan Diller returned home.

    Rose is Rose: There’s plenty of parts for that Tandy 1000 around. Around the landfills in coastal China. Give it up already, Rose!

    Pluggers: WalMart makes you give back the red vest when you quit. Just sayin’.

  131. Another Josh
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Wait a second. Hagar is supposed to be horrible, so it doesn’t seem out of line for him to have killed his dog. And if it was Helga, she is also Helga the Horrible, so I’m actually surprised that Snert has made it this far. The real question is when Honi is going to embrace her horribleness and string Lute up by his entrails. I can’t even begin to image the terrible things than Hamlet will do. I guess the only reason Eddie is still around is because he’s lucky.

    Wait, what? Hagar is only horrible in the way that Dennis is menacing? Huh.

  132. Trail Guide
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    MT: Notice how Mark walks thru the woods with his hand in his pocket? Bad idea Mark. If one were to go tromping thru the woods or even simply walk a trail with hands in pockets it could be a disaster waiting to happen because the person would not have much balance when tripping over an exposed root on the ground in front of them. Of course if Mark were to fall flat on his face Lonnie momjeans would be right there to put a banade on the boo-boo for him while Cherry stood by stiff as a department store dummy. Just LOOK at Rusty’s face to see the proof of what can happen when you walk with your hands in your pockets!

  133. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#127): Audrey Hepburn or a young Queen Elizabeth?

  134. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#116): True, I suppose, but razor wire hardly complements the landscape…

    A burning glass would be pretty cool indeed, but it’d be a bit problematic in dryer years. I might have to stick with pure kinetic weapons.

  135. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Baby Blues: If there’s no phone in Daddy’s hip pocket, what’s that flapping buttocks sound coming from and how does a burrito tie into this story? Hmmm. Oh. OH! EW.

  136. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#134): the Elves have a suggestion or two for you.

  137. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Baby Blues: OK, I don’t get it. Is this just a long, drawn out fart or has the microwave finshed nuking his burrito and the “done” alarm is going off?

    Funk the Stupid Bean: …..”Thanks, but that and five bucks won’t get you an organic shade-grown Mexcian Latte at Starbucks”…………I mean, really. What the FUCK is that supposed to mean???

    FC: Is this where Jeffy is FINALLY drowned?? PLEASE??

    Mary Worth(less): Tomorrow it will be: “I want to suck the skin off his dick!”

    RMMD: Next week we’ll see Rex and Berna get kidnapped by the creeps…..the ransom? One winning lottery ticket, please. Then we’ll get to see a special guest-star on RMMD: Mark Trail! Yes, Mark will use the fists-o-justice and PUNCH the creeps into oblivion.

    Luann: Just don’t wear it, Luann. Crush Gunther’s spirits. He’ll thank you for the abuse, like he always does.

  138. Uncle Lumpy
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#119):

    What is the word for a reverse-Plugger?

    “Don’t know what it is, but I’m gonna eat it anyway” — Shrug-gulp.

  139. Maggie the Cat
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#97): I think it’s safe to say that when your dog eats your pot, nobody wins.

    LOL, no kidding! And eating of “the pot” is dangerous to a pooch but I don’t think they mind the contact buzz. So I’ve heard.

  140. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

  141. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Luann: On the runway, Luann learns what the term “tear away ruffles” means as Gunther jumps on stage to pull the velcro-attached frills off Luann’s gown, revealing a dress so revealing Luann is now known as “Tits McGee.”

  142. Maggie the Cat
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @vanya (#109): A3G: Margo, upset at the slight to her honor, cuts Trey’s throat open with a dagger. As his blood gushes out, she sets fire to the Apartment and runs. The ensuing fire costs 32 people their lives, including 8 children. Tommie is sold to a brothel.

    And then the brothel returns Tommie as she is only another mouth to feed and brings in no customers.

  143. gleeb
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#137):
    Re:’bean. What’s it’s supposed to be is an update on the line, “that and a nickle will get you a cup of coffee,” which was coined when coffee could be obtained for 5 cents a cup. All of which means, “talk is worthless.”

    Since he has willfully moved back to the economically and emotionally depressed center of Batiukland, the phrase would have been rendered better as “that and a buck will get you a slice of crappy pizza that tastes like weeping”.

  144. Effluvius Erratus
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

  145. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#143): “That and a buck will get you a slice of crappy pizza that tastes like weeping”

    Isn’t that the motto of the City of Westview?

  146. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#5):

    Pluggers Curmudgeons find the current goings-on in Mark Worth and Mary Trail eminently more fascinating than discussing a 60-year-old cartoon by the creator of Dennis the Menace!

    Seriously, I post a cartoon of Hank Ketcham’s prototype for Dennis Mitchell — and not one single person was moved to comment. Future comics historians take note!

  147. Dood
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    What’s also left unexplored in this Mark Trail half-assed plot resolution is what Cherry did after Mark disappeared. Has she been at the hairdresser’s shop this entire time? Is the shop pretty?

  148. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#137):
    In Batuikland, Five bucks won’t get you Cancer, either. It’s much cheaper than that.

  149. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#147):
    Where is Sassy the dimbulb dough dog? Did she run away again?

  150. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#97):
    Probably not-you’re out cash for the crop, and then the vet bill to monitor the poor creature.

  151. Charterstoned
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    MT – Is it just me, or is “She nursed my bullet wound” a really icky way of saying “She stuck a Bandaid on my forehead”? I will admit, though, that today’s dialogue does sound like something must have sucked some of Mark’s brains out, and maybe it was Lonnie, after all.

  152. Tom the Sailor Man
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#104): “Who is this woman named Lonnie who you said may have saved your life?” is 2011’s “You killed a friend of mine’s pet bear.”

    Lonnie doesn’t understand Cherry’s hostility towards her.

  153. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#147): I saw it. The drawing was almost spot-on but the menace. I didn’t recognize the menace. It confused me.

    Besides, I used the name “Tits McGee” and got no responses, either. Beefwits! is what what’s-his-name would say.

  154. Katy
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#153): I’m sorry. “Tits McGee” is a really good name, but I got distracted by “pizza that tastes like weeping” at #143. The problem with commenting here is that you always have to hope that nobody else is brilliant right before or after you are.

  155. Liam
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    MW-Liz has a new passion and it is ball gags, Dr. Drew, and her basement dungeon.

  156. Dood
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Mark: “They killed Lonnie’s husband when they took over the little island!”

    Cherry: “Oh, kind of like when you moved here to Lost Forest!”

  157. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#154): Yeah, like THAT’s gonna happen. Brilliant comments plague this board like cancer plagues Westview.

  158. Hibbleton
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Monty: Whoa, fleshy really does look like Celine Dion.

    Love is: is reading Matthew Arnold again.

    Zitsdad is thinking “I’m glad that control freak is not focused on me anymore. I think I’ll stop wearing pants”

    MT: Only in the Trailaverse would a wife settle for her husband’s written account after he’s had the adventure of a lifetime.
    “Honey, you were in Fukushima when the tsunami hit?”
    “Yes, you can read about it in a letter I’m sending to National Geographic.”

  159. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#156): There could be a spinoff, Mark Trail — The Backstory.

  160. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    DT: I forgive them for cutting away just as Lizz was going to get up and put on her robe, because this is a genuinely exciting way to tell the story. Presumably she took the radio off to tan, but her wrist was hidden yesteday by her other hand, so it’s possible that she’s wearing it and has locked the transmit button down during the kidnapping. I can’t believe I’m excited about Dick Tracy.

    JP I expected this to be a passing comment to stop the girl from whining, but this lady is mercenary. I’d love to hear the story of how Abbey hooked Sam.

  161. bats :[
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Well, heck, I think my comments got et, or I didn’t hit the post button. I was too distraught by the plummeting bird in MT and/or the paper napkin dispenser’s at Santa Royale’s Le Swank.

    @Captain Plaid Pants (#25): in spite of my distraughtiness, I must applaud your dialogical talents!

  162. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#159): Mark Trail – Behind the Punching

  163. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    MT: Confidential to Jack Elrod:
    You’ve got a real feel for what people might say and do in any situation, but here’s a second perspective to help you tighten up the dialogue.

    * You don’t need the unnatural “who you say may have saved your life” exposition in the first panel when you specifically describe it in the second.
    * Lonnie dressed the bullet wound; she nursed the patient.
    * The island with the trees on it is lovely and upside-down birds are always awesome.
    * Unless you want to indicate both that Mark has said nothing before this about the “gang of drug smugglers” and that both he and Cherry are so blase’ about gangs of drug smugglers that that’s all the mentioning the topic needs, you should use the definite article there: “the gang of drug smugglers.” That makes it sound as though this is part of a continuing conversation, rather than that Mark and Cherry’s brains are wiped clean between strips.
    * If you’re going to introduce the idea of jealously and suspicion with Cherry’s “was she pretty?” in panel one, then why not tell the whole joke and show the golden moment of the revelation that Mark’s accomplice in adventure, Lonnie, is a woman? That could have been another whole strip. You have established Mark’s obliviousness to her needs as a character trait, so I understand the choice to have him completely ignore her question, but don’t treat Cherry the way Mark does. Cherry’s panel three comment should be accompanied by a daggers-drawn look, not one of … whatever that is.
    * Also, the bird should have had a line of dialogue. Your fans expect that.

    Now, Karen Moy:

    You don’t need any advice from me. You’ve really nailed the awkward conversation between two people with no common interests or attitudes, both hoping to get laid. Did you consider asking Giella to add an upside down bird?

  164. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#161): See? I told Elrod he could get a whole ‘nother strip out of that part.

  165. Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
    April 14th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Hopefully, she got back together with her relatives. But I guess I didn’t really pay any attention. I sure am hungry. Where’s Andy? Can I let go of you now?

  166. jamoche
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    9CL: So he’s just going to spin like that forever? Have we finally found a working perpetual motion machine?

  167. Captain Plaid Pants
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#161): Aahahaha! Holy crap, bats, nicely done.

  168. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I was going to call Margo out for being so stupid, telling her that no one says “I would like to make you a proposal” when it’s a proposal of marriage. But now I realize that English prosody has developed in a different direction in her universe, such that it’s almost impossible to convey information without first implying the opposite.

  169. terrapin
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Fortunately, the strip club is at Innsmouth so Berna’s fishy features will fit right in.

    MT: “Hmmm…I really want to put an owl in panel two. Oops, out of clip-art owls, dang. Oh well, I’ll put wings on this cigar and slap this face on it. There, all done!”

    FC: Um, yeah. Why are you carrying your ‘able to walk’ child at all, let alone in such a…suggestive manner?

  170. Old School Allie Cat
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#93):

    Why yes, Tabasco makes their own mayonnaise.

    http://www.tabasco.com/tabasco_tent/mc_farms/mayo.cfm

    My husband uses it on everything. He turned me on to putting it on pizza, and man, that’s killer.

    It’s pizza that tastes like weeping, and then the weeping gets slapped in the face and told to knock it off.

  171. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: After the strange indoor fog cleared, security footage of the incident shows the guy in purple give a gun to the prisoner. They talk for a while and the prisoner points the gun at him, but eventually places it aside. Then they fight hand-to-hand for several minutes until the prisoner removes another gun from the intruder’s holster and shoots the purple guy.

    Nope, haven’t been able to identify the corpse. It must be some weird death wish thing, like suicide-by-cop, except you break into a prison. We’re, uh, investigating how this went on so long without prison staff coming to investigate. The prisoner escaped with the weapon, killed two guards and injured another on the way out.

  172. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#170): Why yes, Tabasco makes their own mayonnaise.

    That has a creepy “makes its own gravy” feel to it.

  173. littlestevie
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: If Rex and Berna do go to the strip club, then Rex will finally find out what June has been doing at night.

  174. UncleJeff
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#134): Call me old-fashioned, but I still believe you can’t have a proper castle defense without boiling oil.
    Now I understand that crude is getting expensive but if the Walmart over at Brainerd has Valvoline on sale, a few cases of synthetic should do the job pretty much the same as the crude.

    bats:{ and captain plaid pants should collaborate more often.

  175. seismic-2
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    GT: Gil’s claim that “We expect to use a lot of pitchers this season,” is the understatement of the week. In actuality, Gil expects to go through several pitchers before lunch, and then he will move on from the margaritas to the bourbon and the gin.

  176. UncleJeff
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    DT: Y’know, if Lizz still has the “old 2-way wrist radio” on her naked person — or in the bundle of clothes we assume was taken by 5th — wouldn’t the kidnapper be alerted that the cops are onto her trick by all the blathering between Dick, Sam and Pat?
    BTW, what’s happening to Dick’s traditional hatchet-nose?

  177. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#174): True, true. Actually, I’m sure there’s enough crotchety old folks around here with cans of inexplicably-saved cooking grease on their stoves to drench a whole battalion.

  178. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#174): I have several plastic bottles of used motor oil I keep forgetting to take to the gas station for recycling – it would be quite effective and wouldn’t cost you a cent, except gas to come down here and get ‘em.

  179. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#176): If Lizz has the radio on her naked person and Fifth hasn’t noticed it, it’s probably best not to ask why the sounds coming across are muffled…

  180. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#176): That’s the brilliance of it. Look at yesterday’s strip where she has one wrist covered with the other hand. She’s locking the unit on transmit. An old-fashioned two-way radio in my universe (I use them at work) does not receive any transmissions when it’s stuck in transmit mode. This is good for much hilarity when the people with the stuck radio are having a romantic encounter, and can be useful in this sort of situation, so long as the person can depress the button unobtrusively and convey information about the situation without sounding like Mark Trail. Sentences like “Oh no, why are you three men with two pistols and one submachine gun in the cockpit?” tend to alert suspicion.

  181. Fred C Dobbs
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Of course Cherry wears Mom jeans.

  182. Katy
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#180): Could you please send audiotapes of the people with the stuck radio to all my friends who have me on speed-dial? Because I’m getting really tired of having my voice mail fill up with multi-minute messages of things I don’t want to hear lalalalaNONONOlalalalaNONONONO

  183. greghousesgf
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#154): OK, you’ve just explained why almost nothing I say here gets noticed.

  184. Ryu Serpentine
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#119): The word for a reverse Plugger is obviously Reggulp

  185. dale
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail doesn’t really know anything about the drug smuggling operation. What he thinks he knows was told to him by “Lonnie”, and he doesn’t know her name or where she lives.
    If someone is stupid enough to publish Mark’s flimsy story, then “Otto” will know who burned his stuff and stole his plane.

  186. Fashion Police
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    We are convinced that eventually Mr. Walker will subdue Chatu and remove him to the care of Guran the witch doctor. With time and a liberal course of Bandar Medicine™, the former terrorist will re-invent himself as a fashion designer. He will set up shop on Seventh Avenue and his label Python by Chatu will earn a 20-page spread in Vogue and he will be featured in Vanity Fair. His fiery relationship with Mr. Seth Appleby, the well-known drama queen, will frequently attract the attention of Miss Joan Rivers and surface from time to time on Inside Edition. He will appear on Dancing With The Stars but be among the early eliminees.

  187. Effluvius Erratus
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Ryu Serpentine (#184): I thought a Reggulp is what a Plugger calls it when he vurps his Super Big Gulp.

  188. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#182): When parents give kids ‘the sex talk,’ they explain what it is, what it’s for, their family and societal restrictions and, if the kids are lucky, some strategies for preventing pregnancy and sexually transmissible diseases anyway. But other than possibly a condom, what tangible takeaway do kids get? The sex talk should come with a checklist:

    Consequences of producing another life related to this person — ACCEPTED
    My physical safety with this person — TRUSTED
    People who don’t want me with this person — MENTALLY STABLE AND DISARMED
    Barriers against disease & pregnancy — INSTALLED
    Venue & supporting surface — SECURE, STABLE AND UNCONTAMINATED
    Communications and recording devices — REMOVED AND DEACTIVATED

    Remember, if a checklist in interrupted, start again from the beginning to avoid ever missing any items.

  189. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#183): Sometimes I notice things and hit reply to say something but what am I going to say? “Giggle giggle, hee hee, that was funny”? I’d be here all day. Like I’m not already.

  190. ArchieNemesis
    April 14th, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B (#126): If you stare at the bird’s face long enough, it rights itself.

  191. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Popeye – ‘Olive’ must be an old Eastern European name that means ‘She Whose Skirt Defies Gravity’.

  192. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#189): “Giggle giggle, hee hee…” If it’s good enough for Margo Magee, it’s good enough for you, missy!

    @ArchieNemesis (#190): Are you a man who stares at goats, too?

  193. ArchieNemesis
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#192): I e-mailed my resume to those guys but they never responded, as far as I could tell.

  194. kkarenb
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    mdblanche (Y325) – I stand corrected. There is no excuse – these two characters are so well defined that I should have been able to tell them apart.

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#137): @gleeb (#143):

    Plus I think that Batiuk is trying to show his contempt for Starbucks (and its popularity) by giving its drinks what he imagines to be a snarky name. He is SO above anything that the masses might enjoy. Who does he think he is, BMcE?

    Snuffy Smith – Snuffy pays taxes on the chickens he steals?

    Pluggers – Donating? Isn’t that where he BUYS his clothes?

    Baldo – Congratulations, Sophie Spencer. You are no longer the most insufferable smug little know-it-all in the comics.

  195. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#190): Hey! You’re not kidding.

  196. littlestevie
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke came out of the closet? I would of nver guessed.

  197. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#186):

    His fiery relationship with Mr. Seth Appleby, the well-known drama queen, will frequently attract the attention of Miss Joan Rivers and surface from time to time on Inside Edition.

    Miss Rivers is currently too busy trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear (a/k/a Fleshy the Cat) in Monty to bother with the likes of Chatu.

  198. Pseudo3D
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    New A3G Theory: Apartment 3-G is a comic strip that’s an interesting metacomic: it’s not actually supposed to be about three girls in NYC. It’s a play about three girls in NYC. That’s why no one looks at each other directly: it’s for the audience. Or why things are mentioned (pianos, buildings, torn jeans) but never seen: it’s up to the audience’s imagination (or poor budget). The blue people in the background? Painted backdrops! Are LuAnn and Tommie really as dumb as they look? Of course not! They’re actresses! Why is Margo putting her toilet-tainted gloves on her face? They’re not toilet-tainted, she never actually cleaned a toilet. Why do all the male characters look the same? It’s just mostly one main male actor.

  199. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#194): Pluggers – Donating? Isn’t that where he BUYS his clothes?
    Only when the garage sale season is over.

  200. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Hey, it’s Rhymin’ Thursday:

    Boffo — Behind the Magic 8 Ball!

    PBS — Pastis takes a swipe at Reply All!

  201. Little Blue Bicycle
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Seriously, has the owl appeared before in MT? Is it simply a cut-and-paste gone bad? It’s too bizarre to be deliberate…isn’t it?

  202. Esther Blodgett
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#200): re: PBS. It was brilliant. The only thing missing was an upside-down bird-thing.

  203. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#198): Great theory but one minor hole: Margo didn’t “bathroom.” The intercom’s Spidey Sense distracted her from that task, much like the TV in a store window distracts Peter Parker from his task.

  204. gleeb
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#194): That may well be. I hadn’t thought of it myself because I don’t like coffee. Thinking on it, though, people I know who like coffee like the occasional splurge on a big ole coffee-based drink from Starbucks. Still tastes like bitter having-been-slapped-by-Tabasco unhappiness to me, though. And yeah, lookin’ down at ya is part of Batiuk’s shtick.

  205. Katy
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#188):

    Wait. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. WAIT.

    That checklist is brilliant. Among other things, it would have spared me the mild concussion of 1998.

  206. Esther Blodgett
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    “That and five bucks won’t get you an organic shade-grown Mexican latte at Starbucks. So I guess I’ll drink your shitty home brew, Les.. By the way, do you have five bucks? Seriously, I’m so broke I can barely afford to keep my eyes open.”

  207. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @twg (#120): Me too. Living up to my name, I have found a picture that shows what the bird in Mark Trail is doing: diving owl.

    I’m not fully convinced it’s an owl, though. It could be some other sort of predatory bird, too.

  208. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#198): Brilliant!

  209. Professor Fate
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    FW: It’s two things- either none of these people can make it outside of westview or nobody outside of westview can stand them and they been driven back by a combination of legal threats and the odd angry mob.

    MW: so utterly self absorbed men are the best? I miss the facebook is evil plot line.

  210. Peanut Gallery
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Flummoxicated (#15): Give Cherry some credit. That last line could be spoken sarcastically. (Thinks: “Then maybe I’ll find out if Lonnie is pretty!”)

  211. Peanut Gallery
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#188): If there were ever any doubts that you are truly an aviatrix, those doubts are laid to rest now.

  212. Earthgirl
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    MT: So apparently Lonnie “nursed” Mark’s bullet wound to the head to the extent that he hasn’t needed to go to the hospital. This can only mean that the bullet is still in there, lodged in his brain. Whether this hurts or hinders Mark’s ability to behave like a normal human remains to be seen.

  213. Anonymous
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth: Folding Marketing into Sales makes as much sense as having an HR drone manage Marketing. Nice Boss Jeff is running the company into the ground.

    Jump Start: There was a time when I liked this strip. I’m sure there was.

    FW: Trying to decide which I care about less: Summer’s physical therapy, Les and Bull’s “friendship”, or Summer’s half-brother and his wife coming back to Westview. My interest in any of these can be measured in nanoseconds.

  214. Government Cheese
    April 14th, 2011 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    MW: I just noticed the napkin dispenser in the first panel – they are totally overdressed for a Waffle House.

  215. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Earthgirl (#212): That’s assuming that Mark actually has a brain. That particular theory has not been proven yet.

  216. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#213): My interest in any of these can be measured in nanoseconds.
    Switch to Judge Parker – it deals with no unit of time shorter than a season.

  217. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

  218. spike
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#213): Aha! You’ve gien yourself away as a long-time FW reader!

    9CL: Given Brooke’s ongoing pretentiousness, heavyhandedness, bombast, etc., it would’ve been much better had Seth’s thought balloon read: “Scylla, meet Charybdis, Charybdis, Scylla.” in today’s episode. I’m shocked! Shocked!

  219. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#211) & @Katy (#205): If anyone reports an incident not covered by this checklist, the safety committee will review it and consider amending the checklist appropriately. Note that both the status of the parking brake and the likelihood of rodents, nephews or neighbours intruding during the act should be considered under “Venue & supporting surface.”

  220. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @spike (#218): I don’t expect that Brooke would even know who or what either of those are. I strongly suspect that for all his pseudo-classicist pompousness, the man is just dropping names he picked up at Juilliard, and his frame of reference (music excepted) only goes back to 1940.

  221. Fashion Police
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#197):
    By the time Python by Chatu storms the Industry Miss Rivers will long since have tired of her current little trifle.

  222. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    4-14 Weird Sound Effects:

    Gil Thorp — BAM!
    Wizard of Id — HOOK
    Phantom — WHACK! x 2
    Rubes — WHOOSH KLUNK! THUD!
    Sherman’s Lagoon — SPLAT! ZING!
    Baby Blues — BBB BBB BPP PP P x 3
    Edison Lee — SCRITCH SQUEAK SCRITCH

    Bonus: Jack Davis panel from Mad #8′s “Lone Stranger Rides Again!”

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_2OgpsMgKSls/SaXzs29H-DI/AAAAAAAABFg/rRRaohzOPqM/s1600-h/fx5.jpg

  223. Katy
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#219):

    What do you call it if Party A has temporarily crippled hands, and Party B is so enthusiastic when hittin it doggy style that Party A pitches forward into the venue and cannot lift herself up with her damaged hands and cannot make any noise because her mouth is full of sheet, and both parties inch forward inexorably until Party A’s face is pushed off the mattress and she can call out a warning but it’s too late and Party B topples forward and knocks her out of the venue?

    Because now that I think about it, maybe the concussion was not the result of the unstable venue.

  224. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#223): Don’t know what Aviatrix would call it, but I’d call it real dedication.

  225. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#135):

    Baby Blues: If there’s no phone in Daddy’s hip pocket, what’s that flapping buttocks sound coming from and how does a burrito tie into this story? Hmmm. Oh. OH! EW.

    You’ve got to admit that having a farting ring tone is kinda cool. Every time you get a call you would have no problem taking it since anyone you’re near would be backing away.

  226. Fashion Police
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#214):
    Overdressing is going bowling in an evening gown (although an exception may be made for the Gunther collection). Wearing pearls to the Waffle House hardly qualifies. Miss Colby deserves credit for elevating her surroundings. As does Dr. Cory. We applaud them for dressing for the occasion, not the venue.

    One is trying desperately to recall when we last encountered a paper napkin dispenser and a white tablecoth. However, we have never visited Santa Royale. Perhaps standards are different there.

  227. spike
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#220): Are you suggesting I was expecting too much from someone who creates such grammatical gymnastics as “I find it somewhat difficult to associate the words “stunningly beautiful with a girl who habitually mines chairs around the house with rubber bladders that simulate the sound of acute flatulence.” and tosses in occasional ballet jargon such as “coryphée”?

  228. A New Day
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#102):
    Re: MT… no kidding. Or you could look at that sentence as a sign that Cherry secretly got her law degree last year.

  229. Fiercebadrabbit
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Cherry looks slightly less like even an abstraction of a human being today. Perhaps she and Rusty hurriedly fashioned crude automotons and fled when they learned Mark was coming back and putting an end to their briefly punching- and nature writing-free existence. And fled into the night, never to return. Everybody wins, really. Now Mark has a wife who’ll just nod vacantly and ask to read his stories.

  230. Noah R.
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    GUYS GUYS LIZ WORTHINGTON WAS NAKED IN DICK TRACY YESTERDAY AND IT WAS ACTUALLY HOT AND NOT AT ALL WEIRD OR ANATOMICALLY HORRIFYING WHY AREN’T WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?

  231. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    I think that Santa Royale napkin dispenser is something a little different.

  232. Scott Bot
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Noah R. (#230): I was going to mention my disappointment at her not being naked again today, but keep getting distracted by the new t-shirt ad girl.

  233. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @spike (#227): I’n sorrow, I tank that quota as broked my sneetch censor…

  234. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#223): The probable cause of the incident is the unserviceable parts. The preflight briefing should have made reference to the minimum equipment list and ascertained that all usual functions could be performed despite the unserviceability. Environmental conditions were a contributing factor.

    But what would I call it? Easy: COTW.

  235. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Noah R. (#230): That was yesterday. She’s not naked today. You think we have an attention span around here? Regrets at her being not naked today are tempered by good storytelling.

  236. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Dilbert: When they brought in a pointy-haired boss from another dimension, did they accidentally get one with business sense? Because running the company without knowing anything about it was totally his style.

  237. Push Trot
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    H&J: High cholesterol? At least it’s a step up from the old “the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God”. Either way, we know Herb’ll continue enjoying his ‘chocolate butter yums’ the only way he knows how: Ridden with guilt.

  238. cvk
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me or is there a spurious word “Thanks” in the first panel of Funky today? It’s almost as if part of the image of the second panel is on top of the bubbles in the first one. It kind of confused the hell out of me for a while.

  239. Joe Blevins
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Mummies aren’t zombies, but ZOMBY is basically “The Mummy.” Confused? You won’t be.

  240. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Push Trot (#237): What I don’t understand is how Herb can say they’re his “favourite snack food,” as though he’s been eating them for years, and then imply that he’s only just found them. Of course, I also don’t understand how any self-respecting humour writer, for comics or otherwise, could stoop to using a punch line that’s so old had to hang around in the Garden of Eden for a few days waiting for Adam to be created.

  241. Uncle Lumpy
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#198):

    Are LuAnn and Tommie really as dumb as they look? Of course not! They’re actresses!

    Wait, what?

  242. bitterlawstudent
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    The Disney Channel-esque manner in which that hawk/owl creature is crashing through the scene and mugging for the camera is just too perfect. I can hear it squawking “Wah wah waaaaaahh” to mock Cherry’s attempts elicit sexual recognition from Mark.

  243. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @cvk (#238): He’s interjecting thanks as he accepts a cup of tea midsentence. Had me going for a sec, too, expecting to see it referring to commiserations from the day before.

  244. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Noah R. (#230):

    GUYS GUYS LIZ WORTHINGTON WAS NAKED IN DICK TRACY YESTERDAY

    Man, you talk like Liz was the only nekkid Worthington to ever appear in comics:

    http://media.photobucket.com/image/%252522Callisto%252522%252522Angel%252522/luisk/angel-callisto.jpg

  245. Uncle Lumpy
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#243):

    And “Thanks” again in the next panel for the encouraging words from Les. This dialogue in this strip so laborious it feels cut-and-pasted from a DMV manual.

    Darin bails when things get rough, and he’s a smartass: looks like a keeper, Goldman Sachs!

  246. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#245): And he’s polite.

  247. Walker of Dog
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#163):

    Lonnie dressed the bullet wound; she nursed the patient.

    Do you know that for sure, or are you just assuming a minimum level of competence? After all, Lonnie is a Mark Trail character; isn’t there a good chance that she simply expressed breast milk into Mark’s head wound? “Hmm, this used to work back when Lonnie Junior was little…”

    @commodorejohn (#179): For her lipstick, keys, and old 2-way wrist radio, Lizz has a Pouch.

    @Illustrator Steve (#50) & @Mark B (#126): The North American harlequin owl (Bubo bakagaijinicus) has evolved an unusual defensive feature. On the back of its head, it presents the image of a poorly rendered bird-clown face. This innovation of natural selection disorients and nauseates nearby predatory animals, protecting the owl and reducing its competition for prey. Other animals with similar characteristics include the oleander hawk moth (Spirama retorta) and the demon-faced hominid (Seriously whatthefuckisthat).

  248. Jim North
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#170): Yesssssssssss! Awesome! Extreme thanks! I must have this Spicy Mayonnaise . . .

    It’s pizza that tastes like weeping, and then the weeping gets slapped in the face and told to knock it off.

    Since it’s not about comics this might not be eligible for CotW, but I would like to nominate it anyway because I very literally lol’ed.

  249. Miss Othmar
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#188): I still love you.

  250. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#247): Ohhhh, bad. image. BAD. IMAGE.

  251. giraffe-o
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    MT : The owl in panel 2 was cleared stunned and stupefied seeing Mark actually TOUCHING Cherry.

  252. Katy
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#234): I would congratulate you on your masterful Root Cause Analysis, except that that name contains the words “root” and “anal,” and I would not be able to finish typing the sentence without getting too embarrassed.

    embarASSed. Huh. See what I did there?

  253. Anonymous
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Noah R. (#230): Talk about it? And risk putting the jinx on it?

  254. bats :[
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#223): make-up sex between Seth and Mark?

  255. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of soapy soaps, All My Children will sadly be ending soon.
    Viva La Lucci!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yudhEGV5rw&feature=related
    (I haven’t watched it in years, but I remember watching this pilot/debut, and subsequent 70′s episodes, with my Great Aunt in MD during the summers.)

  256. Shrug
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    @nescio (#46):

    “B.C.: I’m presuming the “sister” is Cute Chick, because she’s the only other woman in the strip.”

    Well, there are female ants…

  257. spike
    April 14th, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#233): Gad! My apologies!

  258. Aaaaviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#247): Aaaah! My immune system was still fighting off the first image when you blindsided me with the second.

  259. bats :[
    April 14th, 2011 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#247): hahahahahaha!

  260. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 14th, 2011 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Aaaaviatrix (#258):
    HEY AAAAVIATRIX!!

    DID YOU KNOW THAT SQUIRRELS HAVE A POUCH?!

    NOT JUST ONE, BUT TWO!!!

    bigger than mark trail's

  261. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2011 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

  262. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 14th, 2011 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#261):
    THEY SPELLED “MALE” WRONG!!

    and i'm not too thrilled about the chewing part

  263. This Guy
    April 14th, 2011 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    Agnes: We hope you’ve enjoyed this ultra-minimalist recap of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

    EC: Passover is coming up–can we expect another gripping, visceral tale about bread products? Bread products bread products bread products.

    Marm: Naming the Dog One draws his attention. The last man who did it was found three weeks later, his clean and curiously soft bones buried under a dead oak that nonetheless ran with red sap.

  264. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 14th, 2011 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#263):
    FOR PASSOVER I’M HAVING UNLEAVENED NUTS!!

    no yeast infection here nope nope

  265. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 14th, 2011 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#263): Nope. This year it’s about making a traditional dish from scratch using fish heads.

  266. zerowolf
    April 14th, 2011 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    BGSS– When he’s not chicken thievin’, moonshinin’, or nappin’ Snuffy leads the Hootin Holler Tea Party.

  267. zerowolf
    April 14th, 2011 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    FC: Jeffy doesn’t mind the witch dunking test as its another excuse to be naked!

  268. OKStan
    April 14th, 2011 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    MT: Poor Cherry…cockeyed with emotion.
    Seriously, what is WRONG with her eyes?

  269. Poteet
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#247): Your comments do save me some time. Why comment on that bizarre bird myself when your explanation made me laugh like a drain?

  270. kkarenb
    April 14th, 2011 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#204):
    I don’t drink coffee either but I like their chai tea and hot chocolate.
    As for Batiuk, it was just another way for him to show how superior he is to the little people who frequent the place. You know, like how he is insufferable to service workers.

  271. Pseudo3D
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#241): Not by that much.

  272. ElkMeadow
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#31):

    RMMD: Berna and Rex hit a strip club. This should be fun.

    Actually, IF Berna did win the lottery, I’m expecting her to have a partnership in the business, and quit Rex’s office to manage the venue, while Dexter goes boating. The next story line would be of hiring a new receptionist at the doctor’s office, and in a year or two, a check back to see how Berna is doing with her new boy toy, while Dexter watches television.

  273. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    Hey, all. A few days ago I sent a large email to Josh thanking him for his kindness during the last few months. I also sent a large amount of photos. Well, today was the day. I went for my final MRI and discovered that I have a new tumor the size of a finger. This is not good news. The glioblastoma is aggressive and the surgeon wants to reoperate on the edge of my skull within a month. I could tell he knew my thoughts on that. Lots to think of on that.

    So… I’ll still try to comment. Just not as much.

  274. Danzig
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Mark burned MILLIONS of dollars worth of drugs, smuggled a mother and daughter that a drug kingpin looked upon as his own property, and stole said drug kingpin’s airplane….then he’s going to WRITE a story about it? The only way this could get better is if he signed Rusty’s name to the story.

  275. ElkMeadow
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @Trail Guide (#132):

    That’s how Liz Patterson broke her leg, stomping out of a New Year’s Eve party in an eye-closed huff, with her hands in her pockets. (She was ticked that she couldn’t have her way with a married man.)

  276. ElkMeadow
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    @vanya (#109):

    but he is too late to save Edda, who has been sold to a brothel by Fernanda’s Argentine allies.

    While I wouldn’t wish the brothel life on anyone, I think we’ve seen enough of Edda to suspect that she might enjoy it.

  277. Aaaaviatrix
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273): Fucking hell. This is not the way things are supposed to work. Is there any way we can blame this on Batiuk?

  278. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

  279. little me
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273): Oh, fuckity, really sorry to hear that. Will be sending good thoughts.

    ps I still laugh at your Mary Worth/Dancing Queen homage on youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuhiYsW7T2o

  280. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2011 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#276): What can she say? As Brooke has demonstrated in nauseating detail with his AWESOME STORYLINE HAS HE MENTIONED THERE’S A BOOK OF IT, it’s in the blood. And various other fluids.

  281. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273): After you’ve come this far, you might as well run the rest of the race. We’re counting on you to shock and entertain us for many years to come, so your surgery has to be a rousing success. Tell your family to keep us posted!

  282. Katy
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273) God damn glios. I hate those fucking stinking things. I would pull their smoking entrails out and hold them (entrails) up before their (glios’) eyes as they (glios) died, if they (glios) had them (entrails).

    Apparently the only risk factor for glioblastoma is being loved and cared for and an essential part of many peoples’ lives. FUCK. GLIOS.

    You, on the other hand, have all my support.

  283. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    Thank you, all. Good to know when Central Casting is looking for a crowd carrying pickaxes, there’s always someone willing.

  284. Calico
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, best of wishes for you. XO
    Hugs, Calico in QC
    (E-mail to follow)

  285. Katy
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#283): FUCK, man. PIKES. I can rhubarb with the best.

  286. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2011 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#247): “The North American harlequin owl (Bubo bakagaijinicus)…” Whaaaaaa? Screw the Audobon Society: KILL IT NOW! Where’s my flamethrower?

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273): We’re rooting for you! I have all faith that medical science will have you back up to snuff soon. See if the doctors can make the scar in the shape of “Too Fancy For Hoboken and Too Hot For Church!”

  287. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 15th, 2011 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    The bad news: I’ll never catch up. I was animating away like a fiend, and then had class from six to ten.

    The good news: Anything much I had to say today was already said better, so just take three or four of the best comments from today and stick my name on ‘em.

    Night, all!

  288. ElkMeadow
    April 15th, 2011 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#244):

    Oh, man, I liked that story line! Until I found out it was a rip-off of Barbarella comic book.

  289. ElkMeadow
    April 15th, 2011 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273):

    Oh, Dingo…my thoughts are with you.

  290. Walker of Dog
    April 15th, 2011 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273): I’ve been watching for your posts recently and wondering how you’ve been doing. It sucks that your latest news isn’t better. We’ll all be pulling for you and waiting for your return in all your wonderful, filthy glory.

  291. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 15th, 2011 at 12:25 am [Reply]

  292. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 15th, 2011 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#204): @kkarenb (#270): I’m a fan of Starbucks (enough so I now have a spiffy gold card), but it’s not so much the drinks as that the staff at our local one are really friendly, and it’s the only place that’s open after 9pm that’s not a bar.

  293. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 15th, 2011 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273): I’m sorry to hear that, Dingo. Sending hopeful thoughts your way.

  294. ElkMeadow
    April 15th, 2011 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#291):

    What is more, Barbarella’s Black Queen (who kidnapped the ornithanthrope Pygar) wore a black eye-patch, as did the Morlock’s black-haired ruler, Callisto, who kidnapped Angel.

  295. ElkMeadow
    April 15th, 2011 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    And good-night all. Sweet dreams, Dingo.

  296. bats :[
    April 15th, 2011 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#281): what Rocky said…you raise questionable commentary (and eyebrows) to new heights (Mary Worth would never approve, which is reason enough to stick it to her). Keep fighting for yourself and for your friends and family (and selfishly, for all of us here). Thinking good thoughts for you!

  297. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 15th, 2011 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#283):

    Thank you, all. Good to know when Central Casting is looking for a crowd carrying pickaxes, there’s always someone willing.

    .
    All the best, and here’s hoping the hospital has better surgical instruments than central casting.

  298. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 15th, 2011 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    April 15

    FW: Books about dead wives, documentaries about murdered fathers — I think we’ve got the secret to Westview’s economy.

  299. Jim North
    April 15th, 2011 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273): Damn, man. Hope everything goes well with your surgery.

  300. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 15th, 2011 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    H&J: Well, speaking as a teacher, if salaries of $2 million brought in teachers with the intellectual capacity of most sports figures, I think we’re better off keeping the status quo.

  301. Jim North
    April 15th, 2011 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    Going out of town tomorrow, so posting my Saturday snark tonight.

    A3G: No, Margo, not “funded” as in “free”. “Funded” as in “other people will be paying for it,” which is even better.

    Curtis: The bullies are gone, the money troubles are over, and now Billingsley is even resorting to the use of modern technology (without having to put “modern” in quotes) to bring peace to the music wars. His plans on phasing his own creation out of the newspaper are continuing to proceed apace.

    FW: Wow, it’s kinda weird that Batiuk put in two extra word balloons after the punchline was delivered. I guess he just really needed to show how excited the youth of today get about documentaries. And boy do they ever, right kids?

    GT: When Marty Moon starts going on like this, does anyone else just replace his dialogue with ocean noises? So . . . soothing . . .

    JP: Man, Sophie’s gonna make a great mad scientist when she grows up. “So you’re saying to gas people into submission and then drag them up to the lab?” “Uh, no, you should probably just go up to them and ask them to be test subjects.” “I don’t understand the difference.”

    MT: Cherry is right, Mark is definitely going to be busy at Lost Forest for at least a few days. Those gigantic mutant squirrels aren’t going to trap and humanely release themselves!

    Marm: Sarge washes Otto in the car wash, no big deal. The worst he might get is a dead dog in his hand at the end. Mr. Hitler washes Marmaduke in the car was, however? That’s just asking for the Eldritch Apocalypse, buddy.

    MW: SHUT UP

    Phantom: SHUT UP

    RMMD: SHUT. UP.

  302. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 15th, 2011 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke: It seems Marmaduke and Sarge’s dog, Otto, share the same doggy spa.

  303. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 15th, 2011 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#301):

    GT: When Marty Moon starts going on like this, does anyone else just replace his dialogue with ocean noises? So . . . soothing . . .

    I’ve always considered it to be porn for sports fetishists. Just hearing words like “clears the bases,” “takes a lead,” and “bottom of the ninth” sends shivers of delight through their bodies.

  304. Mr. O\'Malley
    April 15th, 2011 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    I often don’t get a chance to read the thread until I get home from work, which is sometimes quite late, and I live on the West Coast, which makes me later than many people anyway. I sat down in my comfy chair tonight and started reading, and I was thinking that this was a particularly good thread, full of all sorts of cleverness and good reading, but it certainly took a depressing turn towards the end. I too would be happy to wield a pickax or a pike if it would be of service to Dingo, whose unique contributions over the years have enlivened this place no end.

    I can only add to the chorus of best wishes for a successful outcome.

  305. Mr. O'Malley
    April 15th, 2011 at 4:25 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#102): There was a fellow here who built himself a big stone tower. Took time off from writing poetry to learn all about stone tower building. Turned out quite nicely. I wonder if they had building codes back then, though. I’m not sure I would want to be there during an earthquake.

    There’s another cool tower in Arizona. No danger of earthquakes, but if you were delivered by a midwife and not a doctor back at the commencement of your time on this planet, there’s a chance they might not let you in, if recent moves by the state legislature are any guide.

    There’s also this place in Oregon. Not exactly a stone tower, but it has the same kind of feel to it.

    Seems to me there’s plenty of scope for more stone towers around the place.

    I used to know some people who lived in a real medieval castle in Ireland. Actually it was more of a stone tower, because it was just a place where some troops were based, it wasn’t the primary residence of the Earls of Thomond. They used to rent out the ground floor for art exhibits and other events, and they lived up the top. The stairs were very steep, narrow, and winding, ideal for defensive purposes.

    If you want to look into defensive armament, I recommend Catapult by Jim Paul as a fascinating read.

  306. Mr. O'Malley
    April 15th, 2011 at 4:51 am [Reply]

    FW: There’s another funny thing about this strip. How does Summer get physical therapy at the drop of a hat? I won’t bother youse with my recent medical history, but my doctor ordered me to get physical therapy, and it’s like trying to get a table at the hottest restaurant in town. “We may have some openings in a few weeks. Would you care to leave your name?” I’m surprised they don’t ask for character references.

    Maybe in Westview, since Montoni’s, The Toxic Taco and the comic book shop don’t offer medical insurance to their employees, only people who work at the high school or the post office have medical insurance. The therapists all sit around twiddling their thumbs (clockwise 10 times, then counterclockwise 10 times), and occasionally sneaking in to the high school gym to wax the floor to drum up business.

  307. SideshowJon
    April 15th, 2011 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    I finally get it! Pluggers is a term for someone in the mid-stages of Dementia!

  308. Carl Barks Fan
    April 15th, 2011 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Well, we know what is on that hot dog. It ain’t chocolate.

    And Dingo, I am pulling for you.

  309. SideshowJon
    April 15th, 2011 at 6:19 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#306):

    Lies! There has NEVER been a funny thing about a Funky Winkerbeen strip!

  310. John C Fremont
    April 15th, 2011 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273): Dammit! Sometimes life can be pretty sweet, and sometimes it just plain sucks. A lot. In spades. Stop it, Universe! We get it! Just stop it and leave this man alone!

    Dammit!!

    I wanted to make a comment about spelling errors in A3G, but “unfoptunately” I’m late for work. (Feel free to insert polite laughter here.)

    Like the squirrel in today’s Mark Trail, I’m gettin’ outta here.

    Dammit!!

  311. Babyfatso
    April 15th, 2011 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    The desperation of Cherry astounds me! She’s threatened by Kelly Welly. She’s threatened by Lonnie. (Did she ever wonder if Lonnie was a guy? I would.) Every time a new woman comes into Mark’s life, Cherry goes on high alert – as if Mark has a history of cheating. Maybe this is why Mark recoils from her. Cherry is a pit of emotional need that can never be filled.

  312. Kevin
    April 15th, 2011 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    You know, when my wife questioned me about my unaccounted for weekend activities I used the exact same drug smuggler-controlled (and uncharted) island, shot in the head, nursed back to health by a widowed woman and her daughter story. She totally bought it — except for the part about the uncharted island.

  313. Rusty
    April 15th, 2011 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#306): Funky was treating for whiplash at the PT for months, Batiuk make it look like he had a neck transplant.

  314. Vince M
    April 15th, 2011 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    @Babyfatso (#311): Cherry. Pit. That’s a joke, son!
    Do take care of yourself, Dingo – I’m putting out some’a them positive vibes.

  315. Little Guy
    April 15th, 2011 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#301): Curtis: You know, if Billingsly does flush out his repetative tropes, he’s gonna have some well-earned DAP.

    See, McE and Lynn? We don’t always snark for snark’s sake.

  316. Amateur
    April 15th, 2011 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273): Dingo, I’m so sorry. :-( Will keep you in my prayers.

  317. Old School Allie Cat
    April 15th, 2011 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Dingo – fight the good fight, amigo. You have coast to coast support from your ‘Mudge family. That and $5 will get you a shade grown free trade Mexican Latte. But we love you, man.

  318. CanuckDownSouth
    April 15th, 2011 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273): Dang. Westview’s supposed to be fictional fer cryin’ out loud. Take care of yourself – saying prayers for your recovery.

  319. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 15th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Lio: atomic d’awwwwwwww.

    R&R: hazards of dogs in the outfield.

    rMC: TV gender tropes, flipped.

    Dilbert: Evolution of Management Theory, 101.

    HotC: called it.

    MT: censor squirrels? now I’ve officially notseen everything.

    MG&G: yup, figured that one was coming.

    Pluggers are fat, amirite? (no relation to Jenny, I’m guessing.)

    SFx: quick, hire Aliya, age 13 to do the art for Reply All! Would be an infinite improvement. (multiplication by zero, dontchaknow.)

    Zits: in the unseen fourth panel, Connie helps scrub Jeremy’s. . . .

    standard snarpologies, and bets that I’ve killed this thread as well.

  320. CanuckDownSouth
    April 15th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    MW: I can see we’re an excellent match! You went as far away as Vietnam to avoid interacting with the personalities in Charterstone. Since I have none of my own, you’ll love to be with me!

    JP: The first rule when you’re in a hole? STOP DIGGING. If you want to say “learn whether you have something in common to talk about”, then just SAY that. Quit smushing that together with “only the boy’s interests matter” and “read about stuff you don’t care about just so you can pretend to care about it”

  321. Ignore Amos
    April 15th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @dale (#185): MT: EXACTLY! All Mark knew about drugs on that island was from what Lonnie told him. Actually, Otto is the regional director of the disaster relief operation for Haiti and was storing bails of weat and grain in the storage shed, that is until Mark Trail burned it to the ground and stole Otto’s corporate plane. Boy, Mark Trail is in some deep do-do now I bettcha!

  322. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 15th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    *adds to the ‘get well, again, Dingo’ chorus.*

  323. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 15th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    aaaaaaaaaaand THAT killed the thread.

    how Batuikian.

  324. Chip Whittle
    April 15th, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#273):

    This is not good news.

    Ouch.

    Yeah.

    I’m sorry. I hope there’ll be good news to come.

  325. Illustrator Steve
    April 15th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MT: Once Mark’s story is published and Otto reads it I envision the end of this Mark Trail story to be being similar to the last five minutes of the classic movie, “Scarface” where the drug lord’s thugs invade the premises and take their revenge.
    Only real difference here is rather than a Miami Beach mansion it will be an assult on a rustic cabin in the woods. And instead of Al Pacino standing on the balcony with a machine gun it will be Mark Trail standing on top of a giant squirrel while swinging his clenched fists-o-fury as he holds Rusty in front of him while he shouts, “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!”.
    (scene fades to black, screen credits announce a dedication to the story’s deceased plagiaristic author, Jack Elrod. Theater lights go on and everyone has pancakes in the lobby).

  326. Ubaldo
    April 15th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MT–> Last night I woke up screaming in terror from a nightmare I had about that creepy upsidedown owl with the clown face drawn on it! Jack Elrod should have more sense than to go around creeping people out like that! But then again, if he were any different he wouldn’t be Jack Elrod we all know, would he? Never mind, I’ll just get some therapy before ever attempting to sleep again. THANKS ALOT ELROD!

  327. Red Greenback
    April 15th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Dingo, if you happen to read this: I want you to know you are in my thoughts. No, not in that way. You know what I mean.
    All the best to you, my friend, may you return stronger than ever. Red

  328. King of Cartoons
    April 16th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail:
    (Cherry)”Mark, our friend Dr. Thrasher wants you to call him. There’s something he wants to tell you.
    (Mark)”I wonder if it can wait until tomorrow”.
    (Cherry)”Sure, he just wants you to know I’m gonna have a baby”.
    (Mark)”WHAT?!! Why, that scoundrel! WAIT ’till I sink my fists in his two-timing face! I’ll teach HIM he can’t do that to my wife and get away with it!”
    (Cherry)”Oh Mark, you wouldn’t even understand the concept of WHAT he would have to do to make me pregnant. And besides, your head wound is swelling again. Just relax and have another batch of these fresh pancakes I made for you from mashing up those green hay bails you brought home and everything will seem fine.”

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