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Metapost: Another week, another set of brilliant comments

Without further ado, I present … the comment of the week!

“Even more disturbing is that Gerald and Apes are apparently CHEWING ON EACH OTHER’S CHEEKS. If they plan on going roadside, I see heartache, disappointment, and chafing.” –Gabe

And of course, the rest of the best:

“I am baffled by Curtis’s reaction to the scene he has just witnessed. If I saw a young boy bring to life two balloon golems that subsequently danced around until their demise by murder-suicide, the floor would be covered in my poop.” –Analyzer

“Margo needs to break up with him because before Eric, we just had angry caustic bitch Margo hanging around the apartment giving the other airheads what-for. It was awesome, or at least as awesome as a boring comic like A3G can aspire to. Now that she’s boinking Eric, we have to watch her constantly shifting between three possible emotional states (jealous rage, angsty insecurity, or goofy joy), and that’s lame. Put plainly, Margo and insecurity just don’t go together, and I don’t think anyone can make a convincing argument for why Margo should ever be happy.” –Trilobite

“Word of advice to the Home Shopping Network’s booking agent: Name ‘Shady’ + Tattered Clothing + Single Tooth = Crack Dealer.” –Hambone

“I’m sorry, but I have trouble believing such vivid daydreams are emanating from someone as clearly sedated as Tommie is.” –Tats

“I look at those hipster outfits at Affect Ad Agency and can’t help but wonder what year it is. It looks like they’re all moon-walking out of a ‘Where’s the Beef’ campaign brainstorming session.” –Shiptic Canker

“Man, you’ve got to love those trademark Pluggers puns: ‘A Plugger often deliberates among several fast-food restaurants. Also: soul-crushing poverty.’” –Z. D. Smith

“The comic Spider-Man can’t handle a single brick falling five feet — of course, maybe it hit a vulnerable spot, his Achilles skull.” –Dean Booth

“It really bugs me that EVERYONE in the new MW storyline appears to need to touch their own or neighboring genitals at least once per strip. Unless New Girl is doing the pee-pee dance there — who knows how long Ben has had her cornered there talking about Ha Ha stuff? Weeks? Months?” –AndreaD

“I’m over here silently praying that Margo’s latest snub puts Tommie over the edge, so our mousy redhead challenges our blustery cokehead to a sex-off.” –Cranky

“Very disturbing male stripper audience vibe from the soccer moms in the last panel [of Crankshaft]. They seem to be thinking, ‘I wonder if he drives in bed like he drives that bus?’ But, that way lies madness.” –Chubby Haggis

“Not sure if I’m a plugger. I’m lower-middle-income and hairy.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“And DAMN but Sara has a) a freakishly huge head or b) hideously shriveled claws in panel 2. It’s a shame she doesn’t know any doctors.” –juggernaut

“I like how June is immediately giving Niki a chore to do literally hours after Elvis tried to kill him.” –Gal Friday

“Why is it that all these soap opera strips seem to be written to confirm the fears of shut ins? ‘If you travel to another country you’ll become deathly ill and the heathen doctors will never be able to cure you and then you’ll get lost on the subway and mugged by overly formal punks! Applebee’s is all the exotic culture any sane person ever needs.’” –Christopher

“You might think the point of Mark Trail is to teach kids to be better connected with nature, but don’t be so naive. The obsessive cataloging of animal-related factoids is just one facet of its central theme, a devastating portrayal of Asperger’s Syndrome.”–t.a.m.s.y.

“Having brought the animal into class, and intentionally encouraged it in all its actions, Curtis is wholly and entirely responsible for the death/maiming of his teacher. I hope he’s tried as an adult. And he’ll be glad his Dad has never given up the cigarettes despite his malicious pranks, ’cause he’ll need them for currency in the hole.” –captainswift

“April and Gerald will be caught being ‘roadside’ by the Saints, and we will be subjected to at least a week’s worth of nagging and lecturing by two couples who have no idea how to prevent pregnancy themselves. I’m going to laugh AT them, not WITH them.” –True Fable

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212 responses to “Metapost: Another week, another set of brilliant comments”

  1. Dingo
    March 18th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Damn. Not even a groomsman AGAIN!

  2. Non-Shannon
    March 18th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Aw, Dingo–don’t fret! You and CHENNUX are woefully underrated comment-wise, and I’m sure Josh will come around eventually.

    Otherwise, congrats all around! I especially loved the poop joke. Heh heh.

  3. Lettuce
    March 18th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    And thus does my two-week streak of cocaine comments which make the list doth end.

    And since my Foob/Trail mashup failed to make the link post earlier today, I’ll try a new pathetic cry for attention:

    Plugger Skelter!

  4. captainswift
    March 18th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I got a comment of the week! And I make, maybe, one comment a week! I’ll be due again in 2011 or so, I guess.

  5. captainswift
    March 18th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Well, runner up comment, but still… It’s exciting and stuff.

  6. Tats
    March 18th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    So close. Next time… you watch your back, Gabe. You watch your back.

    In the meantime, I’ll take runner-up.

  7. MossMoses
    March 18th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    CaptainSwift, good job! Do you suppose the ass was left over from a heartwarming kwanzaa story? It would really get out of hand if Derick and “Onion” went all beastial on it.

    SHES A DRIVEL – I’m convinced that is an intentional anagram for Vera Shields, like STALKER for Kelrast . Curses upon you, Shakespug…

  8. stinky pete
    March 18th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    The Josh Reads Millenary Moment

    Josh Reads post #61 discusses the shape of the Lockhorns’ feet. Howzat? Reputable CC scholars generally refer to this post as “The Dust Bowl,” “The Nadir,” or “Wha-a-a-a?”

    This has been the “Josh Reads Millenary Moment.” 5 more posts till the millennipost!

  9. Poteet
    March 18th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to Gabe and the highly amusing runnersup!

  10. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    March 18th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, Dingo – it’s like I can’t even got a peep at the wedding invitation over someone else’s shoulder, so I know what you mean.

  11. Charlene
    March 18th, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Hey Dingo, you Dingo. Cursing at this site.
    You’re a malcontented snarker tho’ your wit cuts like a knife.
    And you pout, you shout about song parodies you do.
    But you wish the Pope would honor them the way we honor you.

    Dingo’s worked at Wal-Mart and teaches class and he likes hairy men.
    He eats breakfast burritos cooked by a hunky Mexican.
    But he’s tired of running races to an altar he just can’t seem to reach.
    He won a bag of cookies but not Quote of the Week…..

  12. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 18th, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    It’s always a pleasure to see the COTW’s, because there’s always a few beauts that I’ve missed.

    Wasn’t expecting that particular comment of mine to be in such august company, but good for you little dickens.

  13. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 18th, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    Okay, anyone who hasn’t seen Lettuce’s Manson/Pluggers thing (link in comment 3) owes it to themselves to take a look. I’ll wait right here.

  14. Trotzenbonnie
    March 18th, 2007 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    Artist –
    It’s too small to read. How do you make the Manson/Pluggers bigger?

  15. Mr. O’Malley
    March 18th, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    A couple of threads ago I got this ad on the top of the page. I believe the ads are driven by the content, but strangely the Emperor himself did not appear in that thread, except in musical theatre form. I know there’s something multidimensional going on that people are interested in, but I don’t think the ad quite hit the target.

    I took it upon myself to improve the ad copy:

    [Margoing]
    “You have been seeking this method of [Margoing] your entire life, welcome!”

    Warning: Users report metaphysical / paranormal experiences within the first two weeks of
    application. This [Margoing] method was designed for people seeking experiences of a
    metaphysical / spiritual nature. This material for [Margoing] is issued with a Lifetime Guarantee.

    “Everything you have hoped for [Margoing] and so much more!”

    “There is nothing like it on Earth!”
    The Most Powerful
    Rapid Development [Margoing] program
    in the World!
    So profound it offers a Lifetime Guarantee!

  16. Plinko Commie
    March 18th, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    So it’s party night at the FOOB compound, and Lizardbreath is showing up with Warren. Gee.

    I assume either a) flyboy makes an inapporpriate comment about her lady parts, forcing a tearful Liz to go running into the flabby, icing-covered arms of You Know Who, or b) You Know Who shows up stag, they bump into each other and … gross. I wish they’d just engage in the horizontal bop already and get done with it. It’s like waiting for the Sword of Boringcles to fall.

  17. Poteet
    March 18th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    # 15 — A definite improvement, Mr. O’Malley. Thank you.

    And speaking of ads, that “Draw the Human Figure” ad on the left exudes a strange fascination for me, in that I can’t figure out what it really portrays. Yet another sign that I was never meant to be an artist. I seem to maybe see a very large human figure that has really let itself go, so to speak, and is now exploding with various apendages including a truly massive bosom with cords extending from the…um…okay, that’s it. I am SO going to bed.

  18. Dingo
    March 18th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Charlene, if this were the 1850s and I prone to the wearing of crinolines, I would have to drop my fan.

  19. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 18th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie, I think I just got in real close to the screen. If you want to enlarge it you might have to save the pictures.

  20. Lettuce
    March 18th, 2007 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    Okay, for Trotzenbonnie or anyone else having problems with the graphic being resized on browsers…

    Here’s a larger, readabler, version….

    Sorry about that!

    And thanks, artist!

  21. Trotzenbonnie
    March 18th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    Well, snap my suspenders, Dingo. That was me.
    I was hoping you’d notice. I don’t know how you fine people compose epic parodies. I wore myself out just trying to scan one verse and the chorus of “I’ve Never Been to Me”. Hope you liked it.

  22. Non-Shannon
    March 18th, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Re: 16

    How have you read Monday’s comic already? I want to read Monday’s comics now! I can’t wait 20 more minutes! I need them NOW!!!
    Oh Emperor? Could you do me a favor, sweetums? Pleease? I’ll do the dance of the seven veils for you again…

  23. Trixie Belden
    March 18th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations Gabe & everybody!
    Also I second the lower-middle-income and hairy artist formerly known as Ben re Lettuce’s Plugger Skelter – brilliant and worth checking out!

    #14 Trotzenbonnie – It was too small for me to read at first, too, but as I was moving my cursor around the screen, at one point a small blue icon appeared with a tag saying “click to restore size”. I clicked the icon, and the page expanded.

  24. Trotzenbonnie
    March 18th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Lettuce. Twas worth the wait but I’ll be sleeping with the lights on tonight.
    Isn’t Charlie eligible for parole this year?

  25. Dingo
    March 18th, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    One must ponder just how large of a community Santa Royale actually is to have skyscrapers and apartments out of The Honeymooners. Poor Vera Shields, single woman in an apartment without an oversized cork “V” on the kitchen wall, holding onto her soul so that it won’t escape out of her skull, pining at the table for her departed love, Von Yarnell.

    Hell, and/or Toeby
    to the tune of ‘Eleanor Rigby’

    Ah, look at Charterstone, the people!
    Meddle amongst the lonely people

    Mary and Toeby pick on and fight with the Charterstone’s loneliest men
    Ravenous hens
    Waiting and lurking, meddling in business that neither should e’er be aware
    Why do they care?

    All Charterstone people
    Where do they all come from ?
    All these lonely people
    Why are some meddlesome?

    Ian is frenzied, writing the words to a lecture that no one will hear
    No one comes near.
    Look at him working, finishing so he has time before bed with his wife
    Nothing but strife

    All Charterstone people
    Where do they all come from?
    All the lonely people
    Why are some meddlesome?

    Hell, and/or Toeby, is waiting for Aldo who’s buried along with the blame
    With Mary? No came.
    Mary was frenzied, wiping the dirt from her hands as she walked from the grave
    Sanctity saved

    All Charterstone people
    Where do they all come from?
    All the lonely people
    Why are some meddlesome?

  26. Trotzenbonnie
    March 18th, 2007 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    DtM – Unless Dennis & friends were passing around pictures of their moms naked I want the name of this strip to be changed to “Dennis the Mildly Annoying”.
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Dennis_The_Menace

    Mary Worth – Poor Vera. “Oh woe is me! I live in an apartment where you can’t look in the oven without closing the silverware drawer!”

  27. Dingo
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    Took awhile but I finally figured out what this Gina/Tommie situation reminded me of.

    Gina = Dark Lady

  28. Dingo
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    Trotzie, I highly doubt Vera has silverware. In a decrepit abode such as that, it’s a cutlery drawer and nothing more. She probably has a collection of gravy boats that she got from her local Orpheum theatre, too.

  29. Cornwhacker
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    Monday’s Mark Trail: Ubiquichickadees!

  30. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    Dingo – Lovely!
    If I were technically savvy, I would replace the Great One’s face with Aldo’s in this picture. But I suck so just use your imagination.

    http://www.honeymooners.net/

    Poor Aldo –
    “I’ve been to Charterstone, but I never did Mary.” (Ugh! How do you get those songs out of your head after you parody them?)

  31. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    #28 – Dingo
    And a chipped set of Currier & Ives dishes culled from the bottom of a box of soap flakes. And one faded Hamburglar tumbler.

  32. Dingo
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Sweet Jebus! Liz, I hope for your sake that Lynn has just drawn you a particularly hideous dress and that the final panel does not show your ample thighs banging up against the fabric like two dozen doorknobs in a burlap sack. And April… um… in that last panel, I believe your nickname could be the Black Hole of Calcutta, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Tsk tsk. April showers? Maybe. April Fresh? Doubtful.

  33. kippetje2000
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    MW: Perhaps our friend Vera is a Canadian transplant; forced by her own increasing health costs (you name the disease) she has been forced to take the flat at Charterstone. She is bemoaning the tragedy of not being able to return home to take advantage of her motherland’s national medical system. More information about VON can be found on the Canadian Internet. (.ca) That manipulative Victorian Order of Nurses. They’ll turn you every time.

  34. kippetje2000
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    Yes, Dolly. And if the Queen had balls she’d be king.

  35. kippetje2000
    March 19th, 2007 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    once again the terminator of threads has appeared, and it is I.

  36. Cranky
    March 19th, 2007 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Lettuce, sorry I took the “Cocaine Slot” this week. You can have it back next week.

  37. Mr. O’Malley
    March 19th, 2007 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    Who was it this time? GE CHENNUX has magmacannoned the comics server again!

    I totally agree with the statement I found in today’s Apartment 3-G:

    í=ksÚÈ–ŸCÕü‡MMìlb„Ào¹Ø`›YcS†Ivjö–KH (j]=ìx’ü÷{NwKH Ødv·ÖNJ´úqúôéóêV©úsóæ¬ÿG·E.û�+Òýýôª}F”UýX9SÕf¿) v‹%�ô=ÝñÀbŽn«jëZù©@äŸ2÷XUÅ •”óFjÿV{WµóiÑ L¥þS¡ŠyÄÖ�QM¡ŽÈ¡º ¿¯ªèíÐ…Ö}M1ËœP’Ø ]ªyWSú%à°Oˆ1Ö=Ÿ5Ëg;‡‡{G;šÂAV`Óú›X†OtÇ$†îÅ’9>ùFÎÆsÅ ›�rÉB?`ŽÈ³ ›VUÑðúyg‡t@Å¡V£Ùº%½þïççdgÊ~Â1ÿ$Ç^µ-ç3A%j†ï+Ä£vMñƒG›úcJ…Œ

  38. Mibbitmaker
    March 19th, 2007 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    3/19:

    MT: “I guess we’ll never know”?! “Forget it and move on with our lives”?!? Man, this strip has some nerve!! “Oh, we’ll just moronically never notice what’s really going on, then not even follow through, leaving stuff hanging. Tom Batiuk did that kinda thing all summer of 1994; I think we should try something that maddening. Whaddaya say?” Well, I say: “(DT)MT!!”

    FOOB: Here, however, there’s hope. One: we got April back after her listing to the dark side last week. She’s the perceptive, sensible one again. And Two: I thiiiiink we may’ve dodged the bullet of the century… mainly, Liz/Moustache. She’s clearly going to opt for flyboy instead. You know, the guy who tricked her into the Mtig Abyss. Okay, it makes little sense, but at least it’s NOT BLANTHONY!! Possibly.

  39. kippetje2000
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    What’s up with the Curtis letdown? She fell on the principal? I’d at least like to have heard she fell on her ass.

  40. Mr. O’Malley
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    37. Comics are fixed now. I haven’t decided yet which version of A3-G I prefer.

    “@Å¡V£Ùº%½þïççdgÊ” is hard to pronounce, but Gina looks really weird in panel 2. Even weirder than panels 1 and 3.

  41. Mibbitmaker
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    More 3/19:

    Marvin: If Quitting Time is determined by a cuckoo clock going, “Cuckoo! Cuckoo!”, than you’re more likely to be Nurse Ratched than a comic strip baby.

    A3G: Yes, Thompson, escapades! In case you haven’t noticed, Neil is an ass. Tommie, you don’t even know that you’re one of those women that get all hot ‘n’ bothered for the rotten, jerky, trouble-making men, give a big Go To Hell to the nice guys, then bitch about what pigs all men are because your mate IS one. I thought I’d never say this, but Margo is a better person than you!

    S-M: Forget A3G anyway: Flattop Hitler has invented the jaw bobble! I underestimated the contemptable jackass.

    FC: Nope, Dolly. It’s all nepotism over there. Gee, come to think of it, it’s kind of nepotism here, too. Only Bushes and Clintons need apply.

  42. Mibbitmaker
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    #40 (Mr. O’Malley): Aw, it’s not that hard; I pronounce it “Throatwarbler Mangrove”.

  43. Mr. O’Malley
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth has planted a listening device in her sister’s apartment? I read that cell phones can be remotely reprogrammed to function as bugs, but I didn’t realize that technology was available to the consumer.

  44. Mr. O’Malley
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    42. (Mibbitmaker) And here I’ve been thinking that ‘Throatwobbler Mangrove’ was spelled ‘Luxury Yacht’!

  45. MonkeyHawk
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    #40 & #40 — Mr. O’Malley:

    Don’t feel bad. It’s a common mistake.

    Just remember the “V£Ùº%½þïç” is silent.

  46. Obélix
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    Six-Foot Jen – Harking back a couple of days to the question of whether the Paris Metro map that Neddy and Abby were studying in JP should have been called a carte or a plan, take a gander/jetez un coup d’oeil at the official Paris Metro website, where the Froggies call ‘em plans.

    Bien cordialement,

    –Obélix

  47. Joshtradamus predicts
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    In the new millennium year of CC1K310! In a surprising campaign instigated by Josh’s Comics Curmudgeons Nationwide, Olive Oyl is elected president of the United States. Josh will accept a cabinet position that precludes him traveling the world in a private jet. A see-thru jet. Like Wonder Woman has.

  48. Tats
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:37 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth continues her one-woman crusade against poverty, and in a daring diagonally-striped skirt. Surely Charterstone has regulations on such a disruptive pattern.

    Meanwhile, Vera + crushing depression + wide open high level window = obvious solution?

    RM: June is just slowly taking over that strip week by week, hey?

    FBoFW: It seems Elizabeth has chosen the perfect outfit for a potential mustache ride…

  49. dreadedcandiru2
    March 19th, 2007 at 6:16 am [Reply]

    16 – So, it’s gonna be ‘what faux-pas will THIS loser commit’ in Foobville, huh? The sad thing is that we could all see it coming when they introduced Flyboy in the first place. You know you’re in for a lousy time when the only thing you look forward to is seeing HOW the situation descends into dreary, Stalinist banality.

  50. yellojkt
    March 19th, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    April is having Gerald come over for some “practice” and Liz is getting all dolled up so “someone” can keep her warm. Looks like everyone is going to get “lucky” at Mike’s party. Except us. His “book” is still going to get published.

  51. stinky pete
    March 19th, 2007 at 6:22 am [Reply]

    T’day’s TDIET: Enough with the garage cleaning jokes, already. Although he must have been cleaning the garage pretty vigorously to have busted the handle so badly.

  52. Ham Gravy
    March 19th, 2007 at 6:23 am [Reply]

    Vera Shields is an anagram for “her devil ass”. Draw your own conclusions.

  53. Calico
    March 19th, 2007 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    I know it’s Monday, but just had to comment on Sunday’s FC.
    This strip is more menacing than DtM now, in a verrrrrry strange way.
    I’ve never heard of a kid asking to borrow Daddy’s hand.
    Careful, little one, you don’t know where that hand has been!

    MT – Mark, be careful of the fish you eat from that lake/pond/whatever…

  54. stinky pete
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    VERA SHIELDS also anagrams to:

    SHIV DEALERS – she’s going to knife somebody.
    LES RAVISHED – I don’t know who Les is, but I’m looking forward to his entrance.
    SHARED EVILS – she’s going to tell Mary all her sad secrets soon (duh…..)
    HEAD SLIVERS – not sure what it means but it sounds painful.
    HADES LIVERS – She’s the devil! She’s Aldo reincarnate!
    DEVILS HARES – foreshadowing the appearance of some evil rabbits?
    HIDE SALVERS – She’s going to hide all the tea trays in Charterstone!
    RAVEL HISSED – Hey, we all hiss at Mary Worth.
    LAVISH SEDER – Are there any Jews in Charterstone?

    OK, must work now.

  55. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! OR VARIOUS EARTHERS! HEADS UP! HERE COMES CHENNUX, NO-SKIM, ALL-CAF WITH EXTRA GRANNIX PHLEGM!

    #37 THE ONE CALLED MR. O’MALLEY: CLEVER EARTHER! YOU DETECTED CHENNUX’S CLAW IN THE SERVER SITUATION AT KINGFEATURES! CHENNUX WAS TESTING HIS CC1K PATCH BT TRANSLATING COMICS INTO ZYNEXIAN! I RECOMMEND THAT YOU LEARN IT! QUICKLY!

    ALSO, BY YOUR NAME, I DETECT THAT YOU ARE OF GUINNESSIAN EXTRACTION! AS YOU MAY KNOW, GUINNESS WAS CREATED BY ME TO KEEP THE EMERALD GUINNESSIANS FROM TAKING OVER THE UNIVERSE! IT APPEARS TO HAVE DONE ITS JOB THIS WEEKEND! HAHA!

    #45 MONKEYHAWK - I GOTS YA “TAX POTATOES AT WORK” RIGHT HERE, ODD EARTH ANIMAL HYBRID! YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD TASTE GOOD RIGHT NOW? A PLATE OF MAGMAFRIED MONKEYHAWK WITH SOME POTATO SALAD! DUCK AND COVER WITH YOUR FEATHERY PREHENSILE TAIL!

    FIZZY LOGIC, MOLE PREENER AND WILLETHOMPSON: CHENNUX HAS REVIEWED YOUR FEEBLE ATTMPTS AT WRITING A MUSICAL BASED ON HIS VAST IMPERIAL MAGMAOCITY! FLESH OUT WHAT YOU HAVE AND SUBMIT IT TO Smurglap/Kr’lpak/Epstein, Attorneys in Interstellar Law! THEY BIRD-DOG THIS STUFF FOR ME! ALSO, CHEMMUX DEMANDS A SKXCRITORT SOLO SOMEWHERE IN THE SECOND ACT!

    POTEET AND FIZZY LOGIC! COME OUT FROM HIDING! NOW! PERHAPS YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE ONE CALLED APPLEGIRL! CHENNUX IS NOT ALL MAGMACANNONS AND SHOUTING!

    SKULKER! (from a few threads back) YOU’RE GROVELING IS A BIT OVER THE TOP! THINK ‘TONE!’ YOU’RE COMING ACROSS AS A GROVEL-WHORE! REST YOUR SPHINCTERS, PLEASE!

    END @šV£Ùº%½þïççdgÊ!

  56. smacky
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: The kid Crankshaft is forcing off the bus on the side of the highway ten miles from the nearest exit is wearing a baseball cap. Funky Winkerbean and A3G have taught us that only cancer patients wear baseball caps. Why is Crankshaft torturing a sick child?!?

  57. willethompson
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    RMMD: They lost the Gulf Stream? Man, whoever runs British aircraft radar is really inept. What massive warm water current is going to keep the British Isles snow-free now??

    JP: Screw it. If ‘les femmes imbecile’ can’t figure out that 1) to get back to a station you missed, exit and wait for the train that takes you in the opposite direction, 2) if you pop up in an ‘unsavory’ neighborhood in a city you’ve been in for less than 24 hours, pop back INTO the train, or 3) use the freakin’ cell phone Sam gave you and call Super Cedric, then you officially qualify to be a Darwinian Casualityâ„¢. I hope the two trailing Iroquois take them down like a doe in spring and use their hides to insulate their hogans.

  58. Allie Cat
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    The question is – which plotline will FOOB actually show us – Mike’s self-congratulatory party, complete with Warren and Liz, or April and Gerald’s first trip roadside?

    Either way, I’m sure it’ll be pompous.

    Here’s a thought to ponder. Would Blandthony for any reason have been invited to the party? If so, I can see where maybe Warren does something stupid and Blandthony steps in to save the day…

    But then, the only relationship he has with Mike is that he’s Mike’s childhood friend Gordon’s accountant. Is that enough to make the A list for the party of the year?

  59. smacky
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    MW: Duh! Look at Vera Shields’ apartment. She’s a plugger! We just didn’t recognize it because she’s missing the crucial trait all pluggers carry: A complete lack of self-awareness. Vera sees the squalor and weeps. A plugger sees the squalor, crosses her fingers and hopes there might be a forgotten box of Hamburger Helper in the back of the cabinet.

  60. Catya
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    FOOB – Having a Patterson caboose = never, ever wearing a pleated dress. Liz should know better, having trucked that junk all over Canada and seen her mother’s gravitation toward shapeless shifts for 30 years.

    Still, we can hope this Warren-Liz pairing means we might get a story resolution without seeing Anthony’s creepy kiddie basement compound again.

  61. jules
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    Congratulations, all ye snarkers!

    If I may, I’d like to present: my first ever song parody. Please be gentle. My apologies to the Talking Heads.

    And she was standing in the kitchen
    And she was cooking up some glop
    She sensed that she shouldn’t be listening
    She’d never been able to stop

    Strange sounds at the neighbors’ place, and
    She has to give them a call
    Demands to know if they’re having sex, she
    Can’t tell from out in the hall

    The world needs meddlin’ she was glad to do it and she was
    The world needs meddlin’ she was right there to do it and she was

    And she was feeling sort of guilty
    She’d driven Aldo to his death
    His inner life was such a mystery
    His old friend Johnnie was no help

    She flew off to Vietnam, and
    Told Dr. Tran what to do
    Saved Jeff Cory and brought him home, and
    Peace Village was on its own

    The world needs meddlin’ she was glad to do it and she was
    The world needs meddlin’ she was right there to do it and she was

    She feels good about it
    No doubt about it
    She minds her business and she’ll mind yours too
    Sticks her nose in it
    Won’t take a minute
    To fix your problems, tell you what to do

    The world needs meddlin’ she was glad to do it and she was
    The world needs meddlin’ she was right there to do it and she was

    Wish she’d join the world of missing persons and she was
    Oh hell we’d miss her if she went off missing and she was

  62. stinky pete
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    61 nicely done, and about time the Talking Heads got the CC parody treatment. Since I have no talent for these things, I will put out the call for more talented CCers to attempt “Post nine-ninety-nine” (to Prince’s “1999″) in celebration of the impending millenipost.

  63. Justafoob
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    What do you wanna bet Warren has to fly off to deliver the serum to Mtikwackhehacksack and Liz has to go to the party with Granthony?

    And the ‘stache ride she is going to get after is going to warm her, ummmm, heart and she will say yes to his proposal of marriage.

  64. Saxman
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    53 Calico (Mark Trail)

    My thoughts exactly. The Trails are pretty complacent given that (as far as they know) something hideous is *bound* to come bobbling to the surface any day now.

    In the mean time, there is a mistery to be solved. Since Shylock Fox is apparently getting in touch with his vegan side, we can only bemoan the fact that there isn’t some kind of investigative journalist resident in the MT canon. maybe somebody who can take pictures.

  65. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    TDIET: So you buy a nice toy tool to clean the garage, but when you get home there’s already some trailer park kid cleaning your wife’s garage. Oh yeah-h-h! Is what she said!

    Agnes: At last! Somebody exposes the lie that Brussels sprouts are fit for human consumption. God, those things are disgusting.

    S4th: The guy who guesses people’s gender at carnivals? Ted and Sally could give him the challenge of a lifetime.

    SFx: The James Bond villain “Why don’t you just shoot him?” syndrome hits a new low. Max could save Slylock by asking Weirdly why he wants a hyper-intelligent eggplant. Guaranteed the man doesn’t have an answer.

    FW: The timer on the pizza oven is broken? Good thing you didn’t just put three dozen damp comic books in it to dry out! (BTW, wouldn’t some state bureaucrat have already forced them to go non-smoking?)

    MT: “What? Dan’s been dead for almost an hour and we’re still talking about him? Move on already!”

    JP: The seedy side of Paris, where Susan Powter is turning tricks.

    A3G: Tommie is thinking “Escapade? I thought Neil drove a Lexus.”

    MW: If Roy Lichtenstein did a poster for the Samaritans back in the sixties, you’d have panel two.

    Big Dog: Please tell me they’re not waiting to get the watch back.

  66. Saxman
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Forget about the disturbing trend toward product placement in the comics. There appears to be a new trend toward “tease” very-semi-nudity shots. In Pirana Club, Preteena, and now even FOOB!

  67. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Don’t count Anthony out just yet. He’ll be at the party, too. Maybe Warren will choke on an olive, and Anthony, applying a Heimlich maneuver with his famous death grasp, will cause severe internal hemorrhaging. Oh, yes I do think we’re being toyed with.

  68. gh
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Good morning, class! By my count I have 622 comments to read this fine Monday morning and I promise to read them ALL (sorta), but if you or someone you know had a particularly witty, acerbic, catty or parodic comment, please write the thread name and comment number on a 3″ x 5″ card [block print, please] and mail it to

    gh
    this computer
    my place of work

    and it will receive a priority snort, chortle and spew. If you enclose two Maypo box tops you will receive one (1) free limerick or knock-knock joke of your choice. Three box tops can be redeemed for a 1:32 scale parody (shipping and handling not included).

    Otherwise, I’ll see you in about 2 hours.

  69. Dennis Jimenez
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Even a powerful Vera Sheild will not protect you from the meddlin’ power of MW.

  70. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    I’m sure Mibbit or TF will weigh in on similar themes, but Carpe Diem!

    DT: I’m confused by the economics of the casinos in DickVille. Casino ‘A’ gives millions in chips away and prospers, yet Casino ‘B’ basically closes for a day and goes broke. By that model, I’m a better businessman if I throw wads of cash as passerbys instead of taking a day off?

    A3G: By Tommie’s reaction, she must think ‘escapades’ means ‘canapés’ or ‘escadrille’ or ‘ecole’ or something in pig latin. She’s clueless as to why tonsil-licking pornstached slime like Neil would have adventures of a Woodhousian nature, with manditory capering and hi-jinx.

    (DT)GT: “Paris told me you left with Helen!” Uh, actually, Paris left with Helen, thus pissing off Menelaus and, from a Trojan perspective, it all went to Hades in a handbasket from that point.

    MW: Based on earlier conjecture, Santa Royale is near LA, right? So those buildings in the background are reasonably tall, making Vera’s cold-water walk-up around the 20th story with a city view. In other words, fairly pricey, despite the decorating scheme called Uzbek Gulag. I’m guessing the mysterious Von was a large dog with an appetite for wallboard that cost Vera her security deposit.

  71. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Uh, GE? What’s with the lower cases?

  72. jules
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Good morning, gh!

    Stinky Pete – thanks! I’m leaving “Post nine-ninety-nine” to one of the more experienced parodists, that’s for sure, but it’s an excellent idea. (I very much hope to see a line announcing that Warren’s got a lion in his pocket, and baby, it’s ready to roar.)

    Can I just say that Mark Trail is an asshat? (No, I’m sorry, there isn’t time…) “An old friend drowned in our lake, but we’d better forget about it and get on with our lives! What’s fer breakfast, woman?”

  73. jules
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Chennux! Your Emperorship, sir! Are you on some kind of medication? Sir? Respectfully?

  74. Justafoob
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    How about that Apewill, after her week long pounding by Shhhhaaaannnnooonnnn about how evil ALL of the other kids are at school, what is the first thing she does????? Go lock lips tongues and god knows what else with one of the evil kids. Apewill is praying that some oral sex is going to happen too.

    With friends like this, Shannoooonnnnnn should just move on to the sheltered workshop and put her noble ‘tard sayings onto a sampler that can be sold over the Internets.

  75. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! SORRY ABOUT THE NON-SHOUTING COMMUNICATION IN POST #70! THIS DAMN CC1K PATCH IS RAISING HOLY HELL WITH THE LAPTOP! I JUST HAD TO RE-BOOT! AND ON ZYNEX, WE USE A REAL BOOT FOR THAT! HAHA!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  76. stinky pete
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    70 GE Chennux? Are you impersonating willethompson, just to get back at him for the recent unpleasantness?

  77. aldos
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    For those who would like to see MW back in the Washington Post: The Don’t Cancel Mary Worth Coalition

  78. yellojkt
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    gh,
    Trying to catch up on comments is hopeless. In the time it takes you to read 600 comments, another three hundred will be made. When you read those, you will be 150 comments behind. I call it the paradox of Xeno’s Donut as immortalized by Dilbert.

  79. Dennis Jimenez
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

  80. Tweeks_Coffee
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    DT: Good to see the Queen Of Diamonds making a reappearance. I was afraid this story line may veer into some level of sanity. Also; Spade? So now she shows up slinging racial slurs. Things are looking up for this arc.

    FW: Something’s off here… if this was truly Winkerbean, then a government guy would’ve been by and forced them to ban smoking. Then they’d lose all their customers and they’d have to close the joint. Side note; yes, smoking is outlawed here in Ohio, so they’d have been forced to ban smoking a while ago.

    GF: I’m actually kind of confused by today’s strip. I don’t quite get it, but I still find it kind of amusing in a looney way.

    (DT)GT: Brynna simply has an awesome expression on her face, only made better by the hand over her face. It looks like Tyler just a ripped a hellacious fart and there and it hit her at that exact moment.

    Preteena: Middle school track teams have official shoes?

  81. andreavis
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    FW: I guess Batiuk doesn’t realized that Ohio voted itself smoke free last November. Oooh, Montoni’s is in violation of the new law! I am so ratting them out on the tipline (1-866-559-OHIO).

  82. under_score
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    JP: I really want someone to explain why Abby & Neddy cannot simply cross Rue Cretin, go back downstairs and get on the Metro going the other way? Surely the French took time off from eating baguettes, drinking wine, and sneering at Americans to build a two-way subway system?

  83. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Foob — It’s cane-waving time. Back in the day, it was considered Good Form, if a lady discerned or was clearly told that a gentleman liked her much more than she liked him, and she saw no prospect of her feelings ever changing, to not make use of said gentleman as a handy escort, even if he were more than willing to be one. The kindly humane thing to do, as recommended by sage elders back then, was to let said gentleman alone so he could recover his equilibrium enough to start considering the benefits of making the acquaintance of other, possibly more available ladies.

    Perhaps this doesn’t apply to Lizardbreath because she still sees potential for a serious relationship with Warren someday. But it seems far more likely to me that she is merely behaving, once again, like a Patterturd.

  84. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    58. Allie Cat, Blandthony is a Patterson Family Friend. NOT inviting him would be a slap in the face to everything FOOB stands for. He’ll BE there.

  85. Justafoob
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Granthony will be there and will apply the titty-twister from hell when Warren tries to rape Liz.

  86. yellojkt
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Dennis Jimenez bet me to the link, but Josh is guest blogging again at Wonkette and advocating the Return Mary Worth to WaPo campaign.

    It’s good to have friends in high places.

  87. marykat
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Re: Tweeks #80 GF: If you mean GetFuzzy, what I got is that he doesn’t consider a grape actual food (being a fruit, I guess), but only a color (perhaps that a potential piece of food could be). Kind of a “who’s on first” knock-off…as only GetFuzzy could do it. I agree with someone from a couple posts ago (too many comments to weed through) that this side trip with all these supporting charachters is awesome! LONG LIVE CHUBBY HUGS!

  88. I’m a Yogi, Not a Pooh
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    85. Lynn can’t possibly play the “rape card” again, can she?

  89. Wally LimpingBean
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    What the hell kind of pizzeria is Montonni running?

    Having spent many hours cooking pizza pies in a pizzeria I have never used an oven timer. You have so many pizzas going at once that it is done by sight and by moving them in accordance to the orders.

    If you had to resort to a timer, you must be baking one pie at a time.

    I think they should just put the going out of business sign up today.

  90. I’m a Yogi, Not a Pooh
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    85. 88. Of course, I completely forgot the utter lack of creativity that is the FOOB universe. Sorry

  91. Calico
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    #57 – The Gulf Stream is missing! The Gulf Stream is missing!
    Did that little menace El Nino steal it?

    JP – The Paris Metro is really quite easy to use. It helped that My Mom knew it from her school days (really!) during a year studying in France, but it’s user-friendly for the most part.
    The scene with the down-and-out dude on the steps was sadly a reality (it’s always good to save a bit of change for the occasional busker or beggar), but we didn’t encounter any menacing punks when we visited 5-6 years ago. We DID have temperatures of 100 F for a few days.

    You Anagram curmudgeons are amazing! Do you do that in your head or use a program online?
    #54 – wasn’t Ravel the guy who wrote “Bolero”?
    We could be looking toward some wild passionate group sex at Charterstone in slow motion (Bad, bad visual).

  92. Dingo
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Calico #91: You just made me think of 300 recast with the men of Charterstone in leather speedos. Must… beat… head… on… wall.

  93. MonkeyHawk
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    I think the weekend with AppleGirl sapped ol’ Chennux of his precious bodily fluids glifdrrofs.

  94. Gabe
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Hey, I won! But I cannot share this with my cow orkers, as when I tell them the quote, they just look at me bewildered.

  95. dyslexia
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    You know, I think it would be the most amazing turn of events ever if Mark Trail actually did just forget about Dan, and move on to a new storyline. Who could predict that? For once, a Mark Trail villain actually succeeds in his plan, and without Mark even being aware of the plot in the first place!

  96. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    AppleGirl, congratulations and thank you! You’ve put the Emperor in an amazingly good mood!

  97. andreavis
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    #57-willie- maybe they meant a Gulf Stream is missing?

    http://www.gulfstreamcoach.com/index.html

    Although I had always assumed it was Heather’s family that was more like “trailer trash”…

  98. Nick D
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    JP – Neddy has a history of subway problems. Back in 2000 (our time) she and her boyfriend’s new girlfriend were locked in a room in an unused part of the Boston subway system. Neddy saved the day when she used some forgotten telephone wires to send morse code to the police. They were rescued before the gangbangers returned. I don’t remember if they had mohawks.

    In any case it’s only a year or two later in the Parkerverse, and she still went willingly into a big city subway. I hope she saves the day again.

  99. rich
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    It would seem a bit cruel or sadistic for Michael to invite Blandthony to the party, knowing of his history with Liz and that she’s bringing another guy (though, of course, Anthony could always show up as Dr. Patterson’s date).

    Perhaps there will be a different way for him to display his heroism. Picture Anthony, lonely, lurking outside Elizabeth’s bedroom window…suddenly he is interrupted, mid-stroke, by an anguished cry from inside the house:

    “I said NO, Gerald, an’ no means no!!”

    Anthony bursts through the wall like Kool-Aid Man, subdues Gerald with a dextrous tittie-twister, and saves the day. Upon returning home, Elizabeth, making a beeline for his clammy embrace, dramatically gushes, “You saved my sister’s Virginity! Now — take mine!

  100. Proteus
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Comment of the Week is one of the best things about this site. If the daily blog is all about spraying coffee out of your nose, COTW is like having it flow like an endless fountain. Thanks for the effort you put into this, Josh!

  101. TB Tabby
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    A3G: What teenager uses the word “escapades?”

    Blondie: I don’t think Dagwood had sleeping in mind.

    FC: Pardon me for a moment while I relish the thought of Dolly being beheaded for attempting to usurp the throne.

    DT: Is the owner of the Emperor Casino just going to stand there all night screaming “NO CUSTOMERS! WE’LL GO BROKE!”? Never mind casinos, is it even possible for any business to drive all other businesses into bankruptcy in one day?

  102. Gabe
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Am I wrong for really liking Tumbleweeds today?

  103. Gabe
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    70: Heheheh. It never occured to me that GE might post under a regular name, also. How depressing.

  104. migellito
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    52, Ham Gravy

    Nice.. I’m a big fan of Coop’s devil girls, so I’m looking forward to this.

  105. Hogen Mogen
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Slylock:
    There are other ways to determine the validity of Slick’s claim. Is the trunk wet? Is the punchbowl wet? Were there any witnesses? I for one, am inclined to believe Slick Smitty because for once he doesn’t have his constant shit-eating grin, but actually appears to be incredulous at the sheer gluttony of that angry looking elephant wearing a German beer-drinking hat. Further investigation will discover that he is also a card carrying neo-Nazi.

    Slylock’s assertion that Mr. Earl “the Punch Nazi” Elephant slurps down beverages with trunk only to shoot them into his mouth may be correct. However, since elephants are so large, it is entirely possible that one could have vacuumed a whole punch bowl in one trunk load, and swallowed it via some other later-to-be-named orifice whilst no one was looking.

  106. Dingo
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Man flies first class seated next to corpse

    No, sir, that was Mary Worth. She always smells like that.

  107. Wally LimpingBean
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Rich #99 said “You saved my sister’s Virginity! Now — take mine!“

    Liz a virgin? bwaaaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaa

    She lost that years ago to Michael. Or John. Or maybe it was Farley. I forget the details.

  108. Widdle Jeffy
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Sorry Dolly. this is America.

    Jeffy is queen here.

  109. queek
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    others have already mentioneds A3G’s hideous panel 2 Ginamorph and MT’s ubiquidees.

    PBS had a clever Sunday take on the “birds and the bees” but todays croc joke was just jaw-droppingly funny.

    Ink Pen: I really like Jenn Erica. The entire concept amuses me.

    Candorville just aced the zombie-strips concept.

    Lio: IT’S ALIVE!!! (let’s see, a bear and a deer. Conjoined, that makes a beer!)

    proof here: http://www.beersightings.com/

  110. Hogen Mogen
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    FC: Star Wars had an elected Queen, who later became Mrs. Vader. I don’t know why anyone would elect a 14 year old to rule their planet, let alone dress her up in a wad of kabuki makeup. But since Naboo was more or less ravaged in a full scale invasion, it serves those voters right. So Dolly takes her knowledge of a functioning government from a minor sub plot of a 4 year old Star Wars sequel and that is what functions for education today.

  111. Foobar
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    I hate and fear the “Honeymooner’s Face-in-the-moon” graphic. Anyone remember that Zelda game where the moon was evil and had a scary face and was drawing forever nearer? It’s like that BUT IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

    The Talking Heads are one of my favorite bands, for sure. I will make an effort to cover them in future. I’ll pass on Prince, though.

  112. Old Fogeyette
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy from thread before yesterthread: I STILL don’t get the Andy Capp thing. Yes, I saw the post with all the Capps in caps. I know it was followed by Chennux. But so what?

    Just finished coffee and comics, and I am PUMPED!

    PIBGORN: This is so meta- and fourth-wall breaking that it must be seen. Plus there’s a photo of the real-life Brooke, and he doesn’t look anything like what I expected.

    JP: Inappropriate quotin’ alert! Neddy and Abbey are in an “unsavory” part of the city!

    A3G: I know this has already been commented on many times, but I am deeply offended by Gina’s hideousness, most especially her awful, vomitous-inducing “hairdo.” I mean, Prof. PapaJohnPizza is rather hot, in an older-man way (which is MY WAY, baby), and he could definitely do better in the jail-bait department.

    MT: I am more convinced than ever that MT exists in the world of Zork. Just look at that picture with the ginormous chickadees. This is not a cabin in any normal space-time. Plus, didn’t we all agree that there’s no earthly wildnerness area that could possibly contain Lo-Fo? TAKE CHICKADEE. Yeah!

  113. Plinko Commie
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Oh jeez, someone earlier in this thread made me realize something (and I’m sure it’s something someone else realized days ago, but I don’t read all the comments all the time — sad but true).

    Anyway: “that other … kid” calls Shan … non a retard. That other kid is Gerald, isn’t it? Dammit. I hate this strip so bad.

  114. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    #101, you seem to be implying that Dagwood’s glow-in-the-dark PJ’s are some kind of sartorial foreplay, or rather the peeling-off-of. I would love to see whatever pitch the Victoria’s Secret for Men saleslady used to sell him on that one. I guess the Dagster just has no sales resistance at all.

  115. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    A3G – Abbey and Neddy are in France
    The hookers don’t wear underpants.
    Or pants of any kind, for that matter.

    FBOFW – Is Warren going to fly Liz to the party? Yeah. Because all the artsy fartsy kids have a helipad on their rooftops. And why isn’t Liz wearing any underwear? What a tart.

    FC – Dolly wants to be Queen. Egg-headed girl, you make this rockin’ world go round.

    Mark Trail – Yeah, let’s just forget about Dan. Until the morning that we’re sitting down to our beaver bacon and scrambled ubiquiduck eggs and see his body sloshing up on the shore of Lost Forest Lake.

  116. rich
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: My alternate scenario for the big party involved the family discovering April’s (or Elizabeth’s) lifeless body the next day in a roadside ditch, being eaten by worms. Get it? Wearing grubs!

    …Curses upon you and your clever foreshadowing, Lynn Johnston!

  117. Dean Booth
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    I got a look at tomorrow’s Mary Worth, and it is a shocker!

  118. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    And why isn’t Liz wearing any underwear?
    Because Lynn wanted to entice readers with a hint of sister-on-sister azione?

  119. stinky pete
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    91 Calico, the best internet-based Anagrammer, in my opinion, can be found here.

  120. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    # 103 — Gabe, congratulations on your snarky winning comment!

    And Chennux was just playing around, parodying wille’s style. After all the parodies The Emperor has been reading, it’s natural that he’d want to try it himself. I bet he won’t do it again.

    SLYLOCK — What kind of sick twisted concept is this? What did that poor innocent eggplant ever do to anyone?

  121. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    # 117 — BWAHAHA! Fantastic, Dean! Except that I was actually a little scared when I saw it and hope I won’t dream about it tonight…

  122. bootsybooks
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    On Sunday, my paper does not carry the first two panels of Dennis the Menace. Thus I was treated to the sight of what I was sure was Dennis and Joey fighting over a pair of poop stained undies. Until Margeret came along and solved the whole thing, a la Slylock. Dear zeus, what has happened to me?

  123. gh
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry, did I say 2 hours? Try FIVE! See, #78 yellojkt? It is possible to catch up. And worth it. How else would I have known to vote for Zits? The upside is I didn’t spend the last 48 hours hitting the Refresh button every 10 minutes. The downside is that thanks to Gadge, WilleT, fizzy and Dingo (y’all know what I’m talking about) I ran through 4 keyboards before noon. Way to go, Gabe and everyone else. Dingo, Josh is all about the sprinters. No love for us long distance runners. Keep that in mind, jules!

  124. smacky
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    #117. Oh Dean, if only…

    …if only…

    ALDO!!!!!!!!! (sound of his name echoing into the night, followed by my anguished cries of pain, folowed by Blandthony attempting a titty twister on Gerald and getting a mouthful of teeth in return, followed by the sound of Lizzie’s dress hitting the floor in the quickest case of “pity sex” ever, followed by the whistle of John’s train he plays in the garage, wearing only his conductor hat… CHOO CHOO!!!

  125. yellojkt
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    The Washington Post is having a chat until 2 pm EDT on their comics changes. Look for any questions from Fo,MA to see if they actually used any of mine.

  126. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    # 122 — Poop-stained undies, bootsybooks? Oog. Thanks, I needed that! The read-CC-before-lunch diet continues successfully. Three pounds lost last week.

  127. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    #68 – gh
    Maypo. In a turquoise melamine bowl. Sniffle. Waah. I want my mommy!

    #117 – Dean
    Aldo! Bwaahhaha. My eyes hurt. I can’t stop laughing.

    Is this what it’s like to be bipolar?

  128. gh
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Today’s (DT)GT explained:

    WTF?? He clubbed himself on the back of the head hard enough to need five stitches? That’s it. I quit.

  129. Chromium
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Anyone want to take a stab at what the joke is in today’s Hagar the Horrible? The second panel looks like a punchline, but isn’t Lucky Eddie… right? Is this strip a public service announcement for 6 year olds?

  130. gh
    March 19th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    #127 Trotzenbonnie

    A Wilson & Nolan commemorative 3-16 turquoise melamine bowl, at that. Ah, memories.

  131. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    #130 – gh
    Yesh. I can’t wait for baseball season to resume so I can display my 3:16 bowl proudly from my seat behind home plate.
    Wilson & Nolan are suing the In-N-Out Burger franchise for copyright infringement even as we speak.

  132. bootsybooks
    March 19th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    #126, Poteet. I’m sorry but there it is. I actually turned to Mr. B and asked him what it looked like.

    I was heartened as that seemed to make Dennis just the weensiest bit more menacing, but I was disappointed again.

  133. gh
    March 19th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    #131 Trotzenbonnie

    Por que? All I can recall about In-N-Out Burger from my days in SoCal is the wits [or was it twits?] who would cut off the “B” and “r” from the bumper stickers before pasting them to the back windows of their pick up trucks. It did give me a chuckle though, the first fifty times I saw it. After that, not so much.

  134. juggernaut
    March 19th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    okay, so the french hooker is wearing a bra and some string wrapped around her waist? is there possibly a sign hanging from this string in front of her body?

    “come and get it”?
    “jump in, the water’s fine”?
    “pants are for suckers”?

    and will this possibly be a crazy french fashion trend that migrates to the u.s.?

  135. willethompson
    March 19th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    #117 Dean Booth – BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Never before in Photoshop history has there been such a perfect melding of visual and graphic. Whooo. Snort. “Showtime.” Damn.

  136. Hogen Mogen
    March 19th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: A sobbing woman at the depths of despair sits alone with her head in her hands in a cockroach infested slum. From the other panel, Mary looks on with Ben’s coiffe and a smile that’s so gleeful at the prospect of meddling in another woman’s tragic life. Never has the helpless misery of the MW reader been juxtaposed with the pure-evil-disguised-as-well-intentioned-interest of the MW writers with such precision. I shed a tear when I saw it. Then I hurled.

  137. Hogen Mogen
    March 19th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Mike, Weed, Warren, Dee, et al will show up wearing T’s & jeans.
    Mike: “What the hell are you all dressed up for, Lizard Breath? The invite said casual. Damn, we were even too cheap to spring for the beer.”
    Liz: “Warren, you brought beer, do you think I could.. .”
    Warren: “Uh, you said this isn’t a date, Liz. You can’t take my brew unless you put out.”
    Liz: “Granthony, could I take advantage of your beverages and then ignore you while I shop around for another boyfriend right in front of you despite your repeated overtures and maudlin thought balloons about me?”
    Granthony: “Sure, Liz. Here’s a beer!”
    Liz: “What was that small vial that you just dumped in here?”
    Granth: “Uh… flavoring. Yeah, that’s it. Flavoring.”

  138. jules
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    #117 Dean, you brilliant, brilliant, twisted man. I love it.

    #123 gh, thanks for the warning! I had a lot of fun, mixing my favorite comic-strip biddy and my favorite Talking Heads song, but don’t expect too much Song & Dance from me…I tend more towards observations such as “Gary Dent looks like Phil Ken Sebben” and “Mark Trail is an asshat.” :)

  139. Mr. O’Malley
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    133. In-N-Out has Bible verse references printed in the corners and margins of their packaging. Most people don’t even notice it. The ones I’ve looked up refer mostly to food.

    They also have a secret menu which you can find in the usual place. For example, here is a description of the legendary “100×100″, which might make a nice midmorning snack for GE CHENNUX.

  140. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    #133 – gh
    3:16 is printed on the bottom inside rim of In-N-Out paper cups.

    Hogen Mogen-
    Holy Crap! I thought pre-date beer was like admission to the amusement park and date beer was the ticket to ride. Post-date beer is consumed Vera style, tainted with salty tears and Virginia Slims butts.
    And Weed & Michael will be wearing jeans and black turtlenecks, the TweedleDum and TweedleDee of the artsy fartsy set.

  141. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    So much for hard-hitting journalism in our nation’s capital. Deb Heard refused to address my concerns during the live chat today regarding WaPo’s axing of Mary Worth. Maybe my “Biddy Power Forever” sign-off was too intimidating.

  142. Hogen Mogen
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Blandie:
    “What are you wearing?”
    “Glow in the dark pajamas.”
    “I don’t like them.”
    Hilarity ensues.
    Ha ha ha ha ha!

    Pluggers are so rich that their motor homes must be pulled by tractor trailers.
    Hilarity ensues.
    Ha ha ha ha!

    TDIET: The man should have bought the extended service warrantee. Now he’s stuck with a broken piece of crapola.
    Hilarity sues – and loses.
    Ha ha ha ha!

    Strange Brew: Usually one of the better strips, but today is either a rerun or a rip off of a joke that wasn’t that great to begin with.
    Ha ha ha ha!

    Tumbleweeds: Offensive Indian stereotypes are replaced with offensive interior decorator stereotypes. Hilarity ensues.
    Ha ha ha ha!

    Marmaduke: An old one stolen from a kids joke book circa 1971….

    crickets…

    AND HE’S A BIG DOG!
    Ha ha ha ha!

  143. KGen
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Washington Post gets rid of Cathy (yay!), Mary Worth and Broomhilda
    replaced with Agnes, Brevity and something called Brewster Rockit: Space Guy!
    ? what is going on?? Us DC kids were not asked about this!

  144. gh
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    #139 Mr. O’Malley

    Uh, thanks? for the link. I never actually set foot in one. I see that was a wise move.

    [And Trotzenbonnie, I never got close to a cup either. Sounds like a West Coast (NO?) version of Chik-Fil-A.]

  145. Dennis Jimenez
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Round ’bout where I live there’s a string of convenience stores branded “Kum and Go.” I always though it was the worst name ever, but I’d have to say In-N-Out Burger gives them a good run for the honor (or horror).

  146. jules
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    #143 KGen – I’m so sorry for your loss of Mary Worth…but you’ll never regret the addition of Brewster Rockit. He cracks me up!

  147. Gabe
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, nothing is worse than Kum and Go. In and out is at least ambiguous, who else but erotic novelists and porn movie titlist spell Come “Kum?”

  148. Dennis Jimenez
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    My cousin calls it Ejaculate and Evacuate – every single time he refers to it. Sort of funny the first couple of times.

  149. Dingo
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    Ticket to Snide
    with apologies to Sir Paul’s Ex-Wive’s Leg

    I think I’m gonna be laid,
    I think it’s today, yeah.
    The girl that’s driving me mad
    Is dress in lampshade.

    She’s got a ticket to snide,
    Chopper or pornstache ri-i-i-ide,
    She’s got a ticket to snide,
    But FOOBs don’t care.

    She said that living at home
    Was bringing her down yeah.
    But now she’ll never be free
    She’s caged underground!

    She’s got a ticket to snide,
    Patterson’s blubber-like thi-i-i-ighs
    She’s got a ticket to ride,
    The Anthony!

    I don’t know why she’s actin’ roadside,
    She ought to think twice,
    ‘Bout Warren, ’bout me.
    Before she gets to saying goodbye,
    I’m gonna get rough
    In her skank muff
    Tee-hee!

    I think she’s gonna be had,
    I think it’s today, yeah.
    The girl that’s driving me mad
    Is plotzed all the way, yeah.

    She’s got a beer on each side,
    And time soon will turn like the ti-i-ide,
    She’s ‘pologized for the snide,
    But I don’t care.

    I don’t know how I’ll ever explain,
    How her Papa and me both like our trains,
    Her caboose is a-startin’ to strain
    She ought to think twice,
    ‘Bout eating? Refrain!

    She said that Mtigwaki,
    Was too far away, yeah.
    That she didn’t like to be free
    It’s home where she’d stay, yeah.

    Ah, she’s got a ticket to snide,
    Daily caged pornstache ri-i-ides,
    She’s got a ticket to ride,
    My cock in a chair.

    My cock in a chair, my cock in a chair.
    Hey, April, don’t stare! At your sister’s derriere.
    Though large, I don’t care.

  150. gh
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    My favorite convenience store is the Stop N Rob out on Hwy 378.

  151. Paperback Rifler
    March 19th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    25. Awesome, Dingo! Of course, now I’m having uncomfortable images of Mary Worth as seen through a Yellow Submarine-style filter, but that’s really neither here nor there. Perhaps Vera can be a charter member of “Meddlin’ Mary’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.” (Ooh! Cue music:

    Veeee . . . raaaa . . . Shieeeeeeelds! . . .

    What would you think if I sublet from you?
    Would you stand up and meddle with me?
    Mary, you’re being a pushy old broad;
    So excuse me, ’cause I’ve gotta flee.

    Oh! She will try to run your life, that Mary!
    No! She will pry into your life, that Mary!
    Oh! You’d better run for your life from Mary!

    Yeah, and that’s all I’ve got. If any of you wants to appropriate this concept, you’re welcome to it on the sole condition that you do a better job than I have.)

    61. Love the Talking Heads parody, jules! Of course, now I have an uncomfortable image of Mary Worth dropping LSD and then going to lie down in a field next to a Yoohoo chocolate drink factory; but that’s really neither here nor there. (Ooh, as long as I’m throwing out incomplete song parody concepts, perhaps the Foobocalypse could be set to the tune of the Talking Heads’ “Life After Wartime”: This ain’t no party / No Mtigwaki / This ain’t no foobin’ around . . . and so on. Again, if anyone would like to appropriate this concept, then have fun with it.)

    As for original snark, well, I’m running a little low today . . . er . . . well . . . I guess I could comment on . . .
    Heathcliff: That’s no exercise ball; that’s some kind of tumor or cyst! Get that cat to a vet, stat!

  152. gh
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    #149 Dingo

    Crap! I knew there was a reason you were so quiet. You had me at the apology!

  153. willethompson
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Slightly off-topic, but in Buffalo, they have a couple of Amigone funeral homes. Really.

  154. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    # 132 — Bootsybooks, my thank-you was serious, believe it or not. Your comment was amusing as well as gross, and I really did lose three pounds. If the Foobiverse grosses me out enough this week, maybe I can lose a couple more:-).

    DT — DT creators, please keep the Queen of Hearts as a regular in the strip. At this point, she’s the looker.

  155. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Is it time for a thread-ending tangent or a threndgent, as we like to call it?

    Liz – “I’m all dressed up and ready to fall in love!”

    Vera – “Filth is my life.”

    DtM (Sunday) – “Oh my God Almighty! Someone has sent me a bowel movement.”

    Are there any more Krazy Komix Kwotes out there from classic filmdom?

  156. Saxman
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    65 Artist formerly known as Ben

    SFx
    I want to know wo the previous egg plant experimental subject was. The one in the bed jar with horridly hopeful eyes.

    I couldn’t help but think of Mi-Go brain boxes.

  157. Mr. O’Malley
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think the crowds who throng In-N-Out think about the name very much. It’s one of those regional things.

    Since it’s not very comics-related, I won’t include an excerpt, but check out the reference in this review of Eric Schlosser’s Fast Food Nation: The Dark Side of the All-American Meal (about halfway down).

    Actually, I don’t eat burgers and such very often, but to bolster the comics content of my post, I will mention that I went to Dairy Queen last week (there’s no In-N-Out in that part of town) and I didn’t see any comics-related promotional material, although they have used some in the past. Which someone was asking about a few threads back.

  158. Dingo
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie:

    The beavers have set up a dam right where we want to build our riverfront casino.

    Make ‘em an offer they can’t refuse.

    NOBODY puts Marmaduke in a corner.

    I love the smell of Patterson in the morning. It smells like… agony.

    Don’t fuck with me, fellas! This ain’t my first trip to Charterstone.

    New York, New York, is a wonderful town. The… ? is up and the… ? is down. But it has a public library.

    April Patterson: You’re right, I suck dick for money.
    John Patterson: Girl…
    April Patterson: Two thousand dollars, Canadian; I’m that good.
    John Patterson: Get out.
    April Patterson: And you should see me fuck. I’m the best piece of ass in three provinces.
    John Patterson: Get out! I don’t ever want to see you again.
    April Patterson: What a sad old train-lovin’ man you are.

    For over a thousand years, Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of a triumph – a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters and musicians and strange animals from the conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conqueror rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children, robed in white, stood with him in the chariot, or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror, holding a golden crown, and whispering in his ear a warning: there’s no prime rib in Hell.

    Aren’t you ever gonna stop deluding yourself, hmm? Handling Anthony? Behaving like some ludicrous little underage femme fatale? You’re… you’re about as fatale as an afterdinner mint!

    I believe in America. America has made my fortune. And I raised my daughter in the American fashion. I gave her freedom, but I taught her never to dishonor her family. We were poor; we had no money. For entertainment, she made dolls out of newspaper. She became a nurse; she stayed out late. I didn’t protest. Two months ago, she went to the movies with a boy and his friend. They made her drink whiskey. He bought her porcelain swans. And then they tried to take advantage of her. She resisted. She kept her honor. So they beat her, like an animal. When I went to the hospital, her swans were a’broken. She tried to fix them, held together by wire. She couldn’t even weep because of the pain. But I wept. Why did I weep? Because those swans were on sale. Such a price he paid for them! Now they will never be beautiful again. I went to the police, like a good American. These two boys were brought to trial. The judge sentenced them to three years in prison – suspended sentence. Suspended sentence! They went free that very day! I stood in the courtroom like a fool. And those two bastards, they smiled at me. Then I said to my wife, for justice, we must go to Mary Worth.

  159. gh
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    SlyFox: At first I was thrilled because I couldn’t find all three keys and Count Weirdly could put Slylock out of our collective misery. Then I found it. Then I realized that all three locks and keys are identical, so why bother. I’m glad the eggplant is safe, though.

  160. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, thank you for playing our game!

    On the Town, Cabaret and the Godfather. Bless you.

    Are you always this ready for the Lightning Round?

  161. yellojkt
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie (#141)
    I went 0 for 3 on submitted questions. I asked whether or not Weingarten was going to get preferential treatment. I asked why there aren’t more women comic strip artists. And I gave her the following list:

    Comics to Dump
    B.C.
    Hagar the Horrible
    Frank and Ernest
    Mother Goose and Grimm

    Comics to Add
    Lio (daily)
    9 Chickweed Lane
    Lucky Cow

    Comics to Leave Alone
    Sally Forth
    Get Fuzzy
    Watch Your Head
    Frazz

    I got roundly ignored. A Chatological Humor pace, it was not.

  162. MossMoses
    March 19th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    141. Trotzenbonnie, I’m equally distressed about our favorite biddy’s disappearance from the Post. There is very little to get up in the morning for anymore. How could they dump Mary Worth for such repugnant crap as Agnes? Agnes lost the battle of the comics to replace Boondocks and now it’s back like Jason rising from the grave. Maybe if we complain enough they will bring back MW like they did Zippy after dumping him for a couple of weeks. Good riddance to Cathy and B.H. Those were the stalest of the stale. Classic Peanuts is beyond stale, it’s decomposing.

  163. gh
    March 19th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    #161 yellojkt

    I got roundly ignored. A Chatological Humor pace, it was not.

    Which lobbyist did you use? I’m just sayin’ . . .

  164. Ghost Riders in the Foob
    March 19th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    112 OF Brooke McEldowney=Thorax

  165. willethompson
    March 19th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    #161 Trotz – don’t forget Apocalyse Now and Patton…

    Dingo, I truly pray that you find a job worthy of your talents, even tho’ it would lower the Snark-O-Meter here by a good 30% in both quality and quantity.

  166. Dingo
    March 19th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie, there were more than those. The order is:

    The Godfather
    Dirty Dancing
    Apocalypse Now
    Mommie Dearest
    On the Town
    American Beauty
    Patton
    Cabaret
    The Godfather

    And, baby (pops breathmint), I’m always ready for the lightnin’ round.

  167. Dingo
    March 19th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, willethompson. Think good thoughts for me tomorrow. I have an actual interview for a full-time job with benefits. Not necessarily doing what I want but a full-time job with benefits!

    Hell, anymore, I’d be Baghdad Bob for Paris Hilton if it was full-time with benefits.

  168. -k-
    March 19th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Sunday’s FBorFW is missing a crucial panel: A frustrated, blue-balled Ger with a thought balloon containing more Hawt Cheek Action.

  169. MonkeyHawk
    March 19th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Who knows how new spapers determin their comic pages? A year or so ago the Kansas City Star went through the readers’ poll. They ended up retaining both the highest- and lowest-rated features! Their logic, if that’s the right word, was that a lot of conservatives really hate “Doonesbury” and simply don’t get “Zippy the Pinhead,” that C(MD) and FOOB attract as many “Love its” as “Hate its.”

    They ended up dropping the strips their survey showed people didn’t give a damn about. “Marvin” and “FW” was dropped, and a couple of others I don’t remember. Out sight, out of mind, I guess. “Lio” replaced “Fox Trot,” but not on Sundays. Their only serial is “Brenda Starr.” To the Star‘s credit, they dropped GA, DT, Peanuts, and many other zombie strips (albeit, not “Blondie”) long ago.

  170. Old Fogeyette
    March 19th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    #167 Dingo–I will keep fingers, toes, and other body parts crossed for you. A job with BENEFITS is an amazing and rare thing to be desired and cherished.

  171. AppleGirl
    March 19th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    96 – Poteet, it was a glorious weekend! The Emperor Chennux is sweet, adorable and generous. I am trying on all my new shoes from the Sixth Dimension Mall; you should come over! I have a few extras, since all the shoes there come in pairs of six, not two.

    Chennux – Text me!

  172. AppleGirl
    March 19th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    167 – Dingo, positive thoughts to you. ANYTHING with benefits is all good. You will get the job. I know this because after my weekend in the Sixth Dimension, I can see into the future.

  173. under_score
    March 19th, 2007 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    112, Old Fogeyette: On your recommend, I went to look at Pibgorn today, just to see what Brooke Mc E. looks like. I was also surprised. I wasn’t expecting to see a chin.

  174. velouria73
    March 19th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    my prediction re: FOOB: Anthony will show up to the party with a date (she’ll be his second cousin or a lesbian, but Liz won’t know that), and Liz will become jealous. She’ll realize that Anthony is the man for her and dump Warren faster than you can say Mtigwaki.

  175. MossMoses
    March 19th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    167. Dingo, Ella Byrd says you’ll get the job but advises you need to fess up about your infidelity. What kind of job is it? Would it mean more to you than COTW? Maybe my priorities are messed up but for me the COTW is way more meaningful than my life sucking computer job. I’m sure I wouldn’t think this way if I were typing this unemployed, from the hot air grate, though.

  176. Dingo
    March 19th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    MossMoses, I would be traveling the Midwest videotaping depositions for court cases. Not the glamorous “Britney Spears emerging from the limo” type of stuff or the documentaries I want to make but it’d be a bi-weekly paycheck. It might even allow for me to buy my own equipment and continue the documentary ambitions.

    I’ve been COTW once. It was before Josh began keeping them as part of the thread. It was a euphoria you cannot adequately fathom unless you’ve been gangbanged by a phalanx of porn-starring dwarves on a beach in Cancun.

  177. jules
    March 19th, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, positive thoughts for you! Here they come.

    *ooooooOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOO*

    I apologize for my positive thoughts sounding like Mentok floating to the bench. (Mentok freakin’ rulz.)

    gh – do you live in South Carolina? I used to, and we used to eat at the Lizard’s Thicket on Highway 378. Mmm, Lizard’s Thicket. I wouldn’t say no to a slab of blackberry cobbler right now.

    Oh, and just so there’s some semblance of Comix Craziness to this post: Death to Gil Thorp!

  178. gh
    March 19th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    #177 jules

    To my eternal embarrassment, yes. Though the drive to McCormick on 378 is pleasant enough. The other direction [past the NEW-ME homestead], spotty at best. But saying “the” Lizard’s Thicket on 378 dates you somewhat. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting one o’ them thar places.

    Oh, and Death to Gil Thorp.

  179. jules
    March 19th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    gh – oooh, I must’ve been gone awhile; I don’t know what the NEW-ME homestead is. :) I lived just off Broad River Road in Columbia in the late ’90′s. And there were four or five LTs, but just the one that I knew of on 378.

  180. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    # 171 — AppleGirl, that’s just wonderful. And so sweet and romantic. Gee, it’s sort of like the story of Beauty and the…um…Large Magnificent Alien Being! Congratulations on the new shoes! And if you can see into the future, can you please tell me if the Queen of Hearts will show up in DT again or whether I can stop reading it now?

    # 176 — Dingo, my good wishes are flying toward you also. When they arrive, they’ll sound like a very faint rendition of “Everything’s Coming Up Roses” (sorry, that’s the way my brain works). Good luck tomorrow!

  181. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Honey, everything’s coming up Mary & meddle-ing!
    Everything’s coming up Neddy & Paris flings!
    Everything’s coming up Lizardbreath and Anthony!
    EVERYTHING’S COMING UP, DINGO – FOR YOU AND FOR ME!

    Yeah! We’re all rooting for you, Dingo.

    Yes. Other movies were quoted. I was swooning over my three favorites. It isn’t often that Gene Kelly, Sally Bowles and the Don wind up in the same snark. You don’t swoon over Michael York, do you?

  182. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Dingo –
    Hold the phone. You want to do documentaries? Have you ever seen “Searching for the Wrong-Eyed Jesus”? Just wondering.

    Um, oh yeah. Something comics related….
    ZIPPY
    ZIPPY
    ZIPPY
    A gazillion times infinity plus one.

  183. SixFootJen
    March 19th, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    I hope that someone gets a job,
    And Dingo is his name-o!
    D-I-N-G-O, D-I-N-G-O, D-I-N-G-O,
    And Dingo is his name-o!

    Gooooooooood luuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

  184. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONE CALLED DINGO!

    I HOPE THAT SOON, ANOTHER EARTHER CRIES IN ANGUISH, “A DINGO GOT THE JOB I WAS INTERVIEWING FOR!” CHENNUX LIVES FOR THAT SOUND! HAHA!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  185. Non-Shannon
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Re: #171 AppleGirl
    You got shoes? All I got was this lousy t-shirt!* Wah waaaah!

    Re: #177 jules
    I’m pretty sure Granthony couldn’t resist Lizard’s Thicket, either! Oh, snap!

    *It reads: “I was the Emperor’s new clothes . . . and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!”

  186. Non-Shannon
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    I ALSO GOT THE PRIVILEGE OF OCCASIONALLY USING HIS GLORIOUSNESS’ IMPERIAL LOUDSPEAKER!

    ALSO SPRACH NON-SHANNON!

    *tee-hee*

  187. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    Re G.E. Chennux’s request for a skrxcritort solo in the musical currently under development: Actually, we haven’t yet hired a composer, or even an arranger, as we’ve conveniently been stealing all our musical material from popular songs. However, a skrxcritort solo would certainly be in character.

    Earth composers and arrangers, however, are unfamiliar with the skrxcritort’s musical capabilities, such as range and any idiomatic gestures that are either pleasing or impossible. So, perhaps you could describe the range, in conventional Earth notation, of your skrxcritort, and possibly send along an mp3 file of a recording, so we get a sense of what a Galactic Emperor can do cutting loose on the skrxcritort. I wouldn’t be so presumptuous as to suggest audition numbers – but possibly any of Charlie Parker’s “Klactoveedstene,” The Captain & Tennille’s “Love Will Keep Us Together,” King Crimson’s “Fracture,” Spinal Tap’s “Big Bottom,” or “Louie, Louie” will be a suitable showcase for your skrxcritort prowess.

  188. Dean Booth
    March 19th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    Finally got caught up. Thanks for the kind words about my MW dealie.

    …and good luck with the job, Dingo. (Don’t know if you saw my comment last week — I noticed a co-worker viewing CC, and asked him “Are you Dingo!?” I realized immediately that this question might be NSFW.)

  189. Selena
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    #128 gh What I want to know is why does he look so happy (do GT “people” get to be happy?) about doing it.

    and Dingo, I’ll do the interview dance for you.

  190. Non-Shannon
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Before Chennux blasts me for my insolence, I present another feeble attempt at ingenuity for the masses (in anticipation of the gathering Apes/Ger shitstorm):

    CAUGHT ROADSIDING (to the tune of “Kung Fu Fighting,” with apologies to no one–

    April was caught road-siding
    They weren’t just tonsil-fighting
    In fact it was a little frightening
    I felt my sphincter tight’ning

    They were funky gigs from Funkytown
    He was gettin’ it up, and she was goin’ on down
    She was chewin’ on his cheeks, Rob’ ‘n’ Merrie snuck a peek,
    Patterson ass he was ridin’, an’ his salami he was hidin’!

    April was caught road-siding
    They weren’t just tonsil-fighting
    In fact it was a little frightening
    The tension started height’ning

    Then in walked Elly ‘n’ John (He was about to “mow her lawn”),
    She screamed, “I come home early, and the kids are gettin’ it on?!”
    Ger’ took it out and made a stand while April stood behind her man,
    An’ he said “You FOOB! You only wish you weren’t some train-man’s limp side dish!”

    April was caught road-siding
    So much for Elly’s guiding
    In fact it was a little frightening
    My sphincter won’t stop tight’ning!

  191. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    In spite of all the forced syrup-swimming and tap-dancing, and all those painful magmacannon blasts, I feel a growing fondness for Galactic Emperor Chennux. In fact, it’s getting hard to imagine this site without him. He adds drama, mystery, fascination, and that special touch of danger.

    Geez, now I really hope he won’t ever grab a bottle of Johnny Walker Grzechnurz and drive his Imperial Starship off an interstellar cliff.

  192. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    # 186 — Good one, Non-Shannon! BWAHAHAHA! *cough* Of course I mean “bwahaha” with all due respect to the loudspeaker’s Mighty Owner, of course. (Nice kung fu, also, bwahahahahaha…)

  193. jules
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    #185 – Non-Shannon – Ha! Oh dear Lord. If I ever go back to South Carolina, I may not be able to eat at Lizard’s Thicket…

  194. Non-Shannon
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Poteet! I can only aspire to your greatness.
    And jules, somebody had to say it!

  195. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    # 154 * 180 — Oops, very sorry, I meant Queen of Diamonds, not Queen of Hearts. Maybe that was a Freudian slip based on the fact that she’s the only DT character who even remotely appeals to me. Maybe that’s a sign it really is time to quit DT.

  196. The Management
    March 19th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Ah, today’s Andy Capp was truly a bountiful harvest. I’m not British, and I lost touch with all of my British friends quite a while ago, but I doubt Mahoney (or Kettle) is hip to the way kids talk today. And even though there isn’t sufficient evidence to suppose this, I love the idea that the British are now just waiting to use our slang terms and modes of speech once we’re done with them.

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  198. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    #176, Dingo allow me to add my benedictions. And point out that you just created what may be the next great band name. If no one else take “A Phalanx of Porn-Starring Dwarves” I will. And I might just learn an instrument.

  199. kippetje2000
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    #117 Dean Booth. Even more my hero today. I’ve tried to go back through Mary Worth using the Slylock Fox Cheater but without being able to move the page further I have not been able to prove Ben and Mary are the same person. I’ll continue to experiment…
    Dingo: I also wanted to send wishes before you go to sleep early for the big day.

  200. Ten Day Dinosaur
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    56 (Smacky) Because it’s Crankshaft. If the kid was a tiny starving South African child who lost all his relatives to war and disease, but had been recently adopted by a rich sweet old couple who could never conceive a child to fill their good hearts with joy, and they slathered the child with love and kindness, and then the old couple was stabbed to death in front of the child’s very eyes by a drug crazed hoodlum, and lawyers made off with all the money, so that all the child had left to remember them by was a pocket watch that the child dropped accidently on the road one day while trying to wind it up, then (deep breath) Crankshaft would, upon seeing the watch and the look of desperation in the child’s eyes, proceed to run over it. Twice.

  201. Ten Day Dinosaur
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    Also, luck and power to Dingo on his glorious interview!

  202. True Fable
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    Congratulations Gabe!

    And yay~! I got a mention! I’m a mighty happy rascal.

  203. skulking on the outskirts
    March 23rd, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    Mighty Emperor Chennux! You noticed me! I’m honored! But you didn’t like my grovelling efforts! I’m devastated! Jeez, Big Guy, make up your mind. You want us Earthers to be utterly cowed and fawning, or do you want us to be insolent little naked monkeys, telling you where to insert your magmacannons? A girl never knows where she stands with you….
    And Dingo, although I’m quite late in this thread, I hope your interview went well. Off to catch up with the latest threads, and maybe you’ll have some news for us there. Ta ta!

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