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In a desperate attempt to stay up-to-date on the dailies, I offer you: “Seven sentences about four comics.”

Mark Trail, 3/24/05

Fresh from battling drug dealers, Mark will now have to choose between making either a famous celebrity or this crazy old hermit cry. I see it as a win-win.

Momma, 3/25/05

Number of Terry Schiavo-inspired jokes spotted in the comics pages: 1. Number of tasteful and/or funny Terry Schiavo-inspired jokes spotted in comics pages: 0.

B.C., 3/26/05

OK, I know I just said this, but it bears repeating. “What the fuck?”

For Better Or For Worse, 3/27/05

On Easter, this comic makes the risen Christ weep.

(And don’t worry, I’ll pick the best of the haikus soon, I promise…)