Apartment 3-G, 4/11/05
Cruel commentators! Since I see all and know all, it has not escaped my attention that you are ragging on poor Lu Ann about her “stuck in an elevator” excuse. But surely you all are plugged into the news enough to have heard about the Chinese food delivery guy who was stuck in a Bronx elevator for three days? New York City may boast of its world-renown public library, but it only whispers of its deepest shame: its treacherous, innocent-passenger-entrapping elevators, just waiting to devour naïfs from out of town, like the Happy Dragon’s Ming Kung Chen or our own tow-headed Lamaze coach.
Personally speaking, I think that Lu Ann was detained not by mechanical caprice but by the god of Narrative Convenience. Though the question will no doubt be resolved by the time most of you read this, I predict that Lu Ann will arrive at Delivery Room 1 to find one or more of the following:
- Chuck, holding Mim’s hand, as the underage lovebirds coo Anna-and-Brian style about being a “real family”
- Chuck’s sister, with a good-sized sack for baby-snatching convenience
- Mim’s mom, with a bible and a gun
- Margo, desperately looking around for something to vomit into