Law, order, and wacky hijinks
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Shoe, 5/18/05
More life lessons from the comics, this time from Shoe. Dragged in front of a judge for a serious crime like stalking? Just placate him with some vaudeville-era jokes — he’ll be too busy enjoying the knee-slapping hilarity to throw the book at you! Here’s a handy chart that will help you prepare your defense.
When the judge says… | You say… |
“Young man, the police say you’ve robbed at least seven banks in this city alone!” | “Well sure, your honor — that’s where the money is!” |
“After your last drunk-driving conviction, you were ordered to seek treatment. But when the police pulled you over tonight, your breathalyzer results was double the legal limit.” | “I guess it’s like the old saying — I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!” |
“Stop disrupting these proceedings! Order in the court!” | “Order in the court, eh? I’d like a large cheese pizza, please — and to go!” |
“Blinding your own parents with a red-hot poker — it’s one of the most heinous crimes I’ve ever seen in my long years as a judge. What do you have to say for yourself?” | “Hey, they said they didn’t want to see me coming around anymore…” |