More life lessons from the comics, this time from Shoe. Dragged in front of a judge for a serious crime like stalking? Just placate him with some vaudeville-era jokes — he’ll be too busy enjoying the knee-slapping hilarity to throw the book at you! Here’s a handy chart that will help you prepare your defense.
|When the judge says…||You say…|
|“Young man, the police say you’ve robbed at least seven banks in this city alone!”||“Well sure, your honor — that’s where the money is!”|
|“After your last drunk-driving conviction, you were ordered to seek treatment. But when the police pulled you over tonight, your breathalyzerÂ results was double the legal limit.”||“I guess it’s like the old saying — I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!”|
|“Stop disrupting these proceedings! Order in the court!”||“Order in the court, eh? I’d like a large cheese pizza, please — and to go!”|
|“Blinding your own parents with a red-hot poker — it’s one of the most heinous crimes I’ve ever seen in my long years as a judge. What do you have to say for yourself?”||“Hey, they said they didn’t want to see me coming around anymore…”|