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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/2/05

They can gussy it up with the fancy camera angles, but this supposedly tense confrontation scene would be a lot tenser if its antagonists were anyone other than these two clowns. Royal’s epic combover only thinly disguises the fact that his face is clearly modeled on Peter Lorre, which means that I can’t help but think that his voice is modeled on Peter Lorre, which means that I find everything he says hilarious. Peter Lorre could be forcing me to dig my own grave at gunpoint and I would find his voice funny. “Oh, hurry up, you! Stop laughing and keep deeging!”

Dr. Hamilton, meanwhile, apparently decided that the best thing to wear for his face-off with evil would be his grandpa-style fishin’ hat. Frankly, I’m beginning to think that Fence Post Frank is off the hook for this heinous crime: surely if some soft-handed fancy pants like Royal Gilstrap tried to retain his skull-bashing services, he’d be too busy laughing at his funny voice to seal the deal.

Earlier this week, Dr. Hamilton threatened to “destroy” Royal if the latter had anything to do with Buck’s comatose state. Hey, Professor, if you had managed to snag a few grand worth of funding for the young man, maybe he wouldn’t have to whore himself out to the artifact-trading underworld to keep himself in hoodies and stubble mascara. Just a thought.