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Mary Worth, 8/5/06

Damn, you know Aldo wants some of that sweet, sweet Mary action pretty bad, because he’s practically begging to be her on-the-side man. Aldo, Aldo: I know she’s hot stuff, but have a little self-respect. If she’s too embarrassed to be seen with you at Delicious Pursuits, then don’t humiliate yourself just to get in on the down low.

Mark Trail, 8/5/06

You might think Kelly Welly is FOOLISH and UNPREDICTABLE, but this is actually part of her sophisticated mate-assessment strategy: the only man worthy of being Wellyed is the man who will fight a bear for her love. So far, Ranger Rick is in the lead. I just hope the bear didn’t damage his pretty, pretty face.