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“Dog Haiku: The cat is not all/ Bad; she fills the litter box/ With Tootsie Rolls.” –AAckTTpth

(Update: Faithful reader AAckTTpth writes me to note that this haiku is not in fact his original creation, but was discovered here. Duly noted, but it still made me laugh a lot, so I shall not attempt to understand the past in order to change it, Mary Worth-style. For more information on why 5-7-5 isn’t exactly the be-all and end-all of haiku, see here.)

The other comments chosen weren’t haiku, but were almost as good.

“The dynamics of a Daddy Keane/Mama Hagar mating, meanwhile, would probably be about as disturbing as Sammy Hagar as the lead singer of Keane.” –Plinko Commie

“Near as I can tell by squinting, Blondie’s ‘favorite meal’ consists of an egg and a baked potato. I’m guessing she was forcibly defaulted to that as her favorite because it’s her only meal, being the only two food items in the house that don’t get used for sandwiches.” –Rhekarid

“Anyone who thinks Jack Elrod is just mailing it in these days should take a second and ponder how difficult it would be to come up with a sentence that shows less understanding of current American politics than ‘If we can get the people all fired up about the birds, they will vote to build a new airport!'” –gump worsley

GT: Look how disappointed the girl on the right is that her coach didn’t tell her that she got a mammogram. I don’t know what she’s upset about. If one of my basketball coaches told me they had gotten a mammogram with empty, soulless Gil Thorp eyes, I would have sued for sexual harassment.” –kat

Judge Parker (the comic strip) has a villainous son in it, who is currently sitting down talkin’ smack about his allegedly crazy mom and sharing mullet-maintenance tips with Abbey. (‘I like to use bear grease to style mine, it gives it that stringy quality that just screams “roadie for Lynyrd Skynyrd.” Plus, the NASCAR babes frickin’ love it.’ ‘That’s cool. I usually just dump a bunch of hair dye on mine and blow dry it for like an hour.’)” –Trilobite

“It seems to me that faking a rockslide would be easy compared to faking a bird problem at the airport. What are the hairy-faced villains going to do, sprinkle shelled peanuts and mealworms all over the landing strip? Reflood the drained wetland? Unclean the landfill? And the worst part is that we’re going to find out.” –Poteet

Sally Forth: I can’t believe Ted stole a computer from his office. How in the world did he lift it with those tiny little hands?” –AppleGirl

TDIET: My prayers and thoughts go out to J. Posener’s son, Winthrop, who was brutally beaten in school today after saying, ‘Oh, WHAT he said, tsk-tsk!'” –Darkefang

“I’m liking the quiet cruelty over the last week, like Neddy’s last panel silent reaction shot. ‘No, Rachel can’t just go and live out the rest of her days peacefully with her wrinkly lover on some rich person’s island paradise! She’s meant to die horribly so I can inherit all her stuff! Everybody’s always so mean to me!'” –lesles

“So, is the bearded guy an evil villain or just trying to help Luann learn a lesson? His actions say ‘evil’ but his words say ‘tedious didactic plot device.'” –Prehumous

“Getting people fired up over non-existent problems is 75% of politics. If you don’t know that by now, generic county commissioner, then maybe you don’t deserve to be sharing a crappy office in the basement of County Hall.” –King Folderol

“Spider-man can’t plug up Kordork’s gun with his web shooter because he has a woman next to him? This has to be the lamest thing we’ve ever seen out of Spidey…except maybe when a brick knocked him out. Come to think of it, when he went to the doctor’s office with his costume on underneath his clothes that was really lame too. And when he let a fat chauffeur sneak up on him and knock him out, God that was lame. Screw it, this is perfectly in character.” –reader-who-posts

“Try not to worry overmuch about Vera. Judging from her flashback, clearly homeless = drinking coffee in the same diner as a black person. Hey, just this morning I was homeless too!” –SecretMargo

A couple of other funny thingies:

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