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For Better Or For Worse, 3/20/08

Indeed, Liz! Once you have that ring, you’ll have physical evidence that your sweet charms are no longer up for grabs! For instance, without a ring, if your ex-boyfriend show up at your apartment in the middle of the night, you’ll have no choice but to mewl helplessly as he claims to be still dating you and answers your phone. But if you had a sparkling diamond set into gold — one that was purchased for you by another man, one who’s staked a claim on you — why, then you’d have some leverage. For instance, you could really do some damage to your ex’s eye with it if you punch him in the face with your left hand.

Elizabeth has apparently learned her lesson after the unfortunate shouting incident: all loud and joyful expressions of exuberance are to be restricted to thought-balloon form, and all emotional conversations are to be conducted in the same tones in which one would discuss a car loan. Welcome to your new world of feelings left forever unexpressed, Mrs. Caine!

Apartment 3-G, 3/20/08

It’s not like Anthony did anything super-romantic, like briefly considering giving up his smack habit for her. Since Alan is a failure at everything he does, I’m really, really looking forward to his disastrous foray into the world of dealing drugs. If we’re lucky, he’ll have no choice but to turn to Margo for the qualities you really need to succeed in the drug trade: business acumen and propensity for violence.

Luann, 3/20/08

I don’t know what’s sadder: that Brad’s father is horrified by the thought that his twentysomething kid might finally have sex, or that Brad is puppyishly eager to replicate his parents’ hot, hot sex life.