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Apartment 3-G, 12/23/08

Oh, Margo! I’m not sure who you’re trying convince. I think it’s pretty clear that you’ve already spent lots of time “exploring” your future husband’s “private domain.”

It’s obvious that I’m talking about Eric’s penis, right? Good.

Anyway, I’d like to say right now that when I finally get around to starting a band, our first album will be called This Isn’t Snooping It’s Serious Business. It will feature the hit single “My Future Husband’s Private Domain.”

Funky Winkerbean, 12/23/08

I tried — I really, really tried — to not think about the last few days (weeks? it seemed like forever) of Les freaking out about his teenage daughter’s budding sexuality as he assessed the sluttiness of her various potential Winterfest outfits. But now that he will apparently be watching her every move on the dance floor, watching with eagle eyes to determine just how far her or her date’s hands venture towards the Forbidden Zones, I feel like I can ignore it no longer.

Naturally, Les will justify his control freakery by reference to his beloved dead wife Lisa, whose sex parts were not under her father’s constant vigilance and who therefore had a baby as a teenager. This blast from his family’s past has led Les to the obvious conclusion — that all women are whores, and that their reproductive processes must, for their own good, be kept under strict control. Whee, this dance is going to be awesome!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/23/08

Sure, because if there’s one thing that helps toddlers sleep well at night, it’s the knowledge that they’re being looked down on by some terrifying grinning space-demon who can see their every move.