Hey kids! COTW in a moment, but first a Monday Fun Link! Do you like it when syndicated comics artists make fun of other syndicated comics artists? Obviously you do, which is why you should check out last week’s installments of the excellent Watch Your Head, if you haven’t already. Start with Monday’s and then move forward in time with the arrows! DO IT!
And now, your comment of the week!
“At first, I thought Margo was yawning at the news report, which is much more in character. ‘Yeah, yeah, lama, Tibet, whatever. Hmm — Eric Mills? Didn’t I used to know someone by that name?'” –Lawyerbob
And the funny runners-up!
“Let’s be more optimistic. By ‘hit,’ she could mean ‘rob at gunpoint.’ Maybe this is the plugger Bonnie & Clyde. After a succession of daring daylight robberies, they will return home to make love on a pile of stolen swag (beefy T’s, tube socks, giant sacks of peat moss), while being serenaded by the smooth, reassuring voice of Mr. Pat Sajak.” –Joe Blevins
“Pluggers, with an apparent lack of irony, can present the stultifying sameness of suburban consumer culture as if it were a blessing. It’s like they’re suffering from Stockholm Syndrome and their kidnapper was ennui.” –Mr. Majestyk
“Not only is ‘I am the Second Officer!’ the most hilariously braggadocio-filled attempt at intimidation EVER, it would frankly be much better suited to Spider-Man’s strip. Just imagine. Spidey takes a cruise because of the endless food and tons of lounge chairs free for the sittin’, but then must confront the evil Second Officer and his nefarious plan to … eh, whatever. Spidey would inevitably forget he had his suit on under his swim trunks and then have to undergo a week’s worth of wacky hijinks to conceal his secret identity. MJ would meanwhile have to star in the ship’s dinner theater after the lead actress breaks a leg. Then Spidey would defeat the Second Officer by accidentally spilling a mai tai on him. I … kind of want to read this now.” –MsMolly
“Today’s Archie is much funnier if we assume Mr. Lodge was ‘testing’ the water for hepatitis. Those chills are a side effect of their circulatory systems shutting down.” –It’s time to pay the price
“Who am I? I’m fucking awesome, Blondie, and that’s all you need to know. I’m ruggedly handsome yet mysteriously inobtainable. Now are you going to get your boss or do you want to watch breathlessly as I punch some random shit in your office?” –EdgyDC
“My dad revealed recently that he likes Crankshaft. A few days later, he mentioned that his newspaper runs in amongst the obits, which are especially large and numerous. I think this really shows the value of context and location.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol
“In a more audacious comic, this might be a setup for Luann to lose her virginity in a sheep pen. In this one, we’re just sort of left with a vague, lingering suspicion that Gunther already has.” –One-eyed Wolfdog
“The smell of the fair is popcorn, crackerjack, wax lips and makeup, cotton candy machines, animal poo, diesel exhaust, and marijuana. There’s no smell like it.” –Jimmyleg Jehosephat
“Um, if ‘there will be no stirring of passions’ then why are you lubing up your knees? Just askin’.” –Judas Peckerwood
“I think you guys are being a little hard on Mary and her ‘temporary bobble in an otherwise sea of calm.’ To me she seems pretty lucid for someone on her seventh tequila sunrise. I’ll bet by tomorrow she’s gonna be all ‘You know what? Delia and Larvance can go fuck themselves! I’m going to astronaut camp! Why don’t you ever love me, Tony?'” –Violet
“Les: [Silence.] Funky: [Silence.] Les: [Polite cough.] Funky: ‘Um, did you just touch my hand?’ Les: ‘Maybe. Did you want me to touch your hand?’ Funky: ‘Maybe.’ Les: ‘Everyone who loves me dies.’ Funky: ‘Please stop touching my hand.'” –idathefossil
“Well, Josh, judging by Gramma’s heavy-lidded expression, I’d say the ‘it’ in question is heroin.” –Red Greenback
“My guess for tomorrow’s Funky Winkerbean is that Les and Funky discover that they’re trapped on the roof. Other characters, numbed by years of being in the comic strip, are unable to respond to the pair’s desperate pleas for help for a week. The next week Les and Funky eat the last pigeon egg from the nest in the clogged storm gutter and begin to hallucinate about dead people who they knew due to fatigue and malnourishment. The week after that, five straight days of folding chair battles and cannibalism.” –Birthmark Hal
“Note the intense concentration Dolly is giving Billy during his lecture. Since she can’t possibly understand what day it is, let alone grasp the concept of ‘tomorrow,’ I’m betting she is simply staring at his single nostril.” –True Fable
“Toby says she hopes Delilah doesn’t stay too long, because she wants her to reconcile with Lawrence. Hold on! Have we just witnessed Toby finally coming to realize that the more time anyone spends in Mary’s clutches, the less able they’ll be to resume any kind of normal human relationships? No wonder she’s taking a sudden trip to ‘Scotland,’ or wherever the deprogramming center actually is.” –BigTed
“I’m pretty sure Mary just put of coat of pink paint on some nuggets of dog crap and is making Toby not only eat them, but praise them and beg for more. I’d say it was all a sick game of Mary’s but is anything ever not some kind of sick game of Mary’s?” –Bryan
“The true malevolence of the seagull in MT can only be recognized when we realize that, with this being MT, the passing bird is endowed with the power of speech and therefore is perfectly capable of following the panel’s instructions for saving someone caught in the riptide by shouting out directions. Yet this flying monster chooses to pass in smirking silence, allowing our bikini’d victim to die horribly, out of sheer spite. I wouldn’t be surprised if the seagull took a moment to defecate on her head, to add insult to fatal injury.” –Nekrotzar
“Santa Royale City Ordinance 09-084: All interior paint, upholstery, items of clothing, and comestibles to be worn, possessed, or consumed by city residents shall be salmon-colored and/or salmon-flavored. Mustard-colored sofas are exempt from this rule.” –wagmore barkless
“At first I thought that the bolded first letters of each tip in this Mark Trail were meant to form some sort of acronym that might help hapless swimmers find their way to safety, but it seems more likely that ‘HHWODHII’ is the sound that our friend in the water is making as the sea claims another victim.” –Gerritt
“Shame on you, Mr. Magee! Although it gladdens our little pink heart that you are civilized enough to put on a necktie for a sixteen-hour airplane voyage, loosening it is worse than not wearing one at all. Where are your standards, sir?” –Fashion Police
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