Metapost: Late night comments of the week!
Hold tight for your comments of the week, because first: remember how I was on the radio, in Australia? Well, now I’m on the Internet, in Australia! Er, and everywhere. Anyway, you can download my Australian radio appearance here. There are live performances of Mary Worth and Rex Morgan in there too, which is awesome, obviously.
And while we’re on matters antipodal: remember last Friday’s Luann, when hunky Man from a Land Down Under Quill told Luann that “Aussies have Thanksgiving too”? Turns out that’s not true, at all! Check out the comments on that article to find out more, with fun info about the “Starbucks Purge of 2008.”
And now … your comment of the week!
“Sounds like a certain blog-writin’ flatlander ain’t acquainted with bear face stew.” –Derdrom, in response to my curiosity as to what became of the real head originally attached to this bearskin rug
And the runners up! Extremely funny!
“I’m not saying it was a bad idea to extract all of Rusty’s teeth. I’m just saying it didn’t help.” –Poteet
“I think when all is done and punches have been delivered, Mark will take Rusty aside and chide him severely for using a contraction, even in the heat of battle.” –Niall
“Dolly is making graven images again. Can I stone her?” –zerowolf
“I’ve commented on this before, but I’m kind of obsessed with Rusty’s origin story. I now believe that Mark Trail periodically releases spores, which drift out over lost forest and grow in wood that’s iron-rich — say, from an attached chain that could hold down a raccoon or a small dog. The spores gradually grow into a misshapen juvenile form (often called ‘rusty’ due to the presence of iron). This then breaks free and wanders the woods until it finds an adult of the species. They form a pair bond. Then, the adult might asexually release spores one more time before the juvenile devours it and then reaches maturity itself. Rusty kinds looks like Mark, in a disturbing kind of way, and the above seems the most likely way that could be.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol
“I, too, am thinking Mary is developing a serious meth problem. Mary totally tweaked out last night and got a little aggressive with her nail gun. ‘What the fuck is up with these flowers. A vase? Greedy bastards!’ Blam blam. ‘Curtain rod? Oh, hell no. I’m just gonna nail these bitches right into the wall.’ Blam blam blam. ‘Now stay there, damn it, and don’t move again.'” –sugarpie
“I fail to see why Bradley DeGroot has a problem with a potential catfight between MILF DeGroot and Toni. It will combine his two objects of affection into one giant psychosexual Oedipus-fest.” –tb4000
“Our local paper experimented with weekday color for the comics, before deciding we Midwesterners just couldn’t live at that speed. Thus, I was thankfully spared the horror of Rusty’s flesh-colored eyeballs — until today. And are his eyes growing out of his cheekbones? I think they’re like the ‘eyes’ on the wings of some moths, just imitative markings to fool predators. In fact, that theory just about accounts for Rusty’s entire face.” –He Who Oh Never Mind
“See how Sassy is pulling towards the alligator, Rusty? That’s called Natural Selection — it’s God’s way of making all of us better.” –steve
“A band geek can PROBABLY net (get it?) a jock girl with tiny arms and giant hands. Probably. How cross-eyed is he?” –Shortpacked
MW: “I’m pregnant! Now our marriage is safe from any problems forever!” –commodorejohn
“Clearly the dialogue was removed from this strip so we wouldn’t realize Mark is the villain today. ‘Hello, friend puppy! My exuberance to see you overwhelms my dignity! Joy and rapture!’ Panel 2: ‘Egads, sir, I must protest your actions!'” –Dragon of Life
“One naturally speculates on how one’s lifestyle will change with the passage of time, but I have to say, if getting older means my suitors are going to start plying me with sleeping pills and rice pudding instead of liquor, I’m … just not ready for that.” –Violet
“Sadly, every time I see the dog from Mark Trail, all I can think is that Rusty’s porn star name must be, like, Sassy Woods.” –Tafadhali
“Those two Mary Worth panels look like magazine ads for the Maidenform Cross-Your-Crone Bra and the new Bose Longest Stereo Ever.” –Patrick
“Delilah is going to wish she had come to her senses sooner when the morning sickness and stretch marks begin. Breeders … ha! Mary’s shrunken womb will look pretty good to you when you’re yakking up your Cherrios, bitch.” –McManx
“‘Old folks? What are you talking about, man?’ Well, shit, who could have guessed that Alzheimer’s is contagious?” –Chyron HR
“The latest moronic Rex Morgan story was worth it for the second panel in today’s strip, in which we can actually see Tim transforming into a hybrid of Skeletor and Hitler, complete with the appropriate mustache. I can only hope that the new and improved Tim comes with a temper and habits to rival both his genetic forefathers and viciously kills Cue using a combination of black magic and propaganda. Then, off to find He-Man! Or a local minority group; it’s all good for Tim/Skeletor/Hitler.” –Alan’s Addiction
“It’s amazing that this conversation in Mary Worth is happening at all, considering Delilah is speaking into her maxi pad. Good thing she wont be needing it for the next nine months.” –lizzy
“Oh right Mary is a lady with breasts let me put incredibly unrealistic shading some where on her torso to show that she is the ladiest lady that ever was.” –Turtlefish
“As always, I am comforted by the refreshing moral simplicity of the Mark Trail universe. The transformation from bad guy to good guy requires no agonizing period of study or elaborate conversion ritual. All one needs to do is announce one’s intentions, then prove them through a vigilante assault on someone who has more facial hair than you.” –Holy Prepuce!
“I suspect Del had no idea what was involved in baby-making before she visited Charley’s love nest.” –timmy the dying boy
“I think it’s safe to assume someone swinging from a tree and kicking you in the face is not on your side.” –Jesseg
“Hi. This is Tom Batiuk. You aren’t supposed to enjoy anything. Thank you, and God bless.” –Mibbitmaker
“Snuff shoulda tuck ol’ Bullet with ’im. Mamas kin hunt ennythin’! She done a purty good job dyein’ his pelt to match, too. Well, ol’ Bullet were a purty fur piece f’m bein’ a puppy anymore. Bile ’im good, Mama, I reckon he’s kinda chewy.” –Écureuil Écumant
“It’s the Funkyverse version of ‘Point/Counterpoint’: Him: ‘I bought new CDs.’ Her: ‘Just in time for your hearing to fail.’ Him: ‘My tailored slacks are here.’ Her: ‘Just before you lose all bladder control.’ Him: ‘Levi Johnston is naked in the new Playgirl!’ Her: ‘Too bad your eyes are … wait, what?'” –Ed Dravecky
“One of two teams has won a football game. Hurrah! Or possibly not. Who knows?” –One-eyed Wolfdog
“Crock and company are imagining themselves in a winter wonderland to take their minds off their endless hellhole of a life. ‘Sir, another guard died of heat stroke yesterday.’ ‘GOSH IT SURE IS ANNOYING TO SHOVEL ALL THIS SNOW, AMIRITE?'” –bman
“Every morning before I get my newspaper, I anxiously anticipate that day’s comics page. Will Crankshaft be cranky today? Will he mispronounce a word? Will be be incompetent in some kind of yardwork? Or will he grill something incorrectly? No matter how many times I see these same jokes repeated, they in no way become old.” –Darkefang
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