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Mary Worth, 8/29/10

At last we get to this storyline’s dramatic turn: Dr. Mike will learn what a sucker he was to turn away from Jenna, because of the advice from his revenge-haunted drunk old dad, towards whom up to this point Mike has felt nothing but hate. But whatever! Mike will almost certainly now invite Jenna over for some hot sexing, right after he proposes. “What’s all that shouting from upstairs?” Jenna will ask? “Oh, it’s nothing, just my dad going through the DTs. Maybe I should loosen the straps holding him onto the bed?”

Of course, once Jenna learns that Mike has turned forever away from the booze, she’ll have to work overtime to hide her own drink the pain away habit. Oh, but wait, she’s a woman in Mary Worth who’s about to discover true love, so obviously she’ll never be sad again.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/29/10

Ha ha, the looks on Susan and Cayla’s faces in the next to last panel, as they prepare to hear about what they probably imagine will be Les’s plan for a mopey polygamous marriage, are priceless. Silly ladies, did you think your relationships with Les were about you, somehow? No, they’re about Les. They’re always about Les.

Spider-Man, 8/29/10

“I pretty much assumed I would choke to death on a Dorito while watching television, or maybe break my neck falling down a flight of stairs. This is actually kind of exciting!”