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Hey, everybody, I’m leaving for a vacation tomorrow! But don’t worry, I’ve set off the Uncle Symbol and there’s stirring in the Fortress of Lumpitude, so I have faith that your favorite pinch hitter will be on the case starting tomorrow for your comics-mocking pleasure.

Meanwhile, here is your comment of the week!

‘Love Cherry’ isn’t an autograph. It’s a reminder to himself, because he keeps forgetting what it is, exactly, he’s expected to do.” –David Willis

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Trey admires the elevator for its fine classical ironwork, which serves as a reminder of a more genteel age of American society. Paul, on the other hand, is in awe of the ‘magic up-up box’.” –Chyron HR

“Between Charlie Sheen and the promise of drunk Margo, substance abuse has never been more entertaining, or more improbably coiffed, than it is this week.” –YoungMrGrace

“Wilbur is clearly a regular at this diner; they know his eating habits so well, they don’t even bother giving him a plate anymore.” –Doctor Handsome

“I guess Canada will have to serve as the scapegoat if the Lockhorns actually end up having sex with each other.” –Digger

Let me tell you something Wilbur, I wouldn’t worry about Dawn’s lack of social interaction. Look at me, I’m supposed to be some sort of close friend or family member, and I don’t really recall ever talking to you before. It hasn’t done me any harm.” –AndyL

“Look mom, a stray wounded man, let’s take him home and name him Lucky!” –F. Cecious Lee

“I’m sorry, Loretta, but no way is that lady going to approve your adoption application now.” –Violet

“It’s not just that Mom Jeans and Spawn (what a great name for a sitcom) have dragged Mark up the beach and into one of their beds, no. It’s that they’ve put Mark Trail into a clean bed, fully clothed in his filthy, stinking, gull shit-splattered 50’s gas station attendant uniform. Do they want him to die of massive infections so they can bury him in the dunes, next to Bysshe Shelley? Evidently personal hygiene and laundry mean nothing on Isla des Mom Jeans. I bet they left his boots on too.” –Islamorada Girl

“Joey desperately ponders what else besides baby powder or cologne could be used to cover up Dennis’s stench.” –nescio

“Interesting. Wilbur isn’t eating that hamburger. I believe he’s making out with it. I also believe I no longer have any will to live.” –Dragon of Life

“Today’s Dick Tracy’s exploration of Lovecraftian themes (the lonely, decrepit house, monstrous rats about to devour a man alive, the barely-sane detective reaching for a revolver and shouting to ancient, nameless ‘Gods’) gives me hope that we’ll ultimately see Cthulhu in the comics pages rise up and destroy the non-believers in a cross-over event that will put the Blondie anniversary to shame.” –The Klute

“I’m gay and yet the highlight of my day has been the prospect of June Morgan working the pole. God help me what has this site done to me?” –dakrat

“When JJJ speaks about ‘the powers of a spider,’ I assume he’s referring to Peter’s ability to hang still in one place for days, waiting for food to come to him.” –frippy

“Also, ‘Your boat drifted onto our little island … you are in my home’ delivers a very, very low ratio of information to word count.” –Katy

“Look, Paul, just because a man won’t be caught dead without a jauntily tied scarf, enjoys making over tired spaces into something fresh and fabulous, and ‘dates’ a woman who’s half tart-tongued viper and half emotional doormat doesn’t necessary mean that man is gay. It just means he appreciates stereotypes. Now kiss me, you dumb blond hunk.” –Mikey

“Has Dawn managed to find a form of suffering too ridiculous for Funky Winkerbean? Scientists and experts should be notified.” –Dan

And this comment from Joe Btfsplk was a bit too long for consideration but attention must be paid nonetheless.

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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