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Ziggy, 11/1/11

Oh, Ziggy, you keep making the mistake of thinking that you and your cold-blooded aquatic friend have any sort of shared values. We already know that he dreams bloodthirstily of the day when the mammals wipe each other out in a genocidal war, leaving the planet to him and his fishy compatriots. Thus it should come as no surprise that he’s pleased by the thought of a great flood rising up and wiping out all land-life, allowing him to happily swim about the rooms he can only dimly perceive from his bowl today. These “underwater homes” might be bad for you, Ziggy, but they’ll be very, very good for him!

Fortunately for us air-breathers, fish are still unable to fully grasp metaphors, which are our main tool for planetary domination.

Marmaduke, 11/1/11

Marmaduke of course dreams of sitting atop a throne of skulls as the demon-king of hell, so there’s actually a bit of pathos in seeing him woof out bluster from some ratty suburban armchair.

Spider-Man, 11/1/11

Whoah, has it been a while since we’ve seen the Amazing Spider-Man failing at something? Well, here you go! Ahh, that’s the stuff.