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Enjoy your first comment of the week of the post-daylight savings time season!

“Ionesco-like bedtime story about Ueizzi The Murderous Pig? Check. Melting wallpaper? Check. Margaret’s shoes placed cunningly next to his bed? Double check. Alice, you sly fox, what will you think of next?” –els

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Chip somehow remembers Studio 54, and that haircut looks strangely familiar … OMG Chip is the reincarnation of Andy Warhol!” –BigTed

“What really got me was the fact that the men just up and ran straight over the rock and fell down the other side, AND that they did it so fast that the last few men, seeing their fellow soldiers drop down the other side (but presumably not hearing them yell in horror as they fell into a pit? A ravine? That river full of alligators that the priest fell into at the end of Temple Of Doom? Who knows? I KNOW, with my new ‘Crock Alternate Endings Fan Fiction Website,’) where was I, oh yeah: seeing their fellow soldiers drop down but hearing nothing, just kept on going, to their doom.” –Briane Pagel

“I was thinking Marty was signing her dialogue for the hard of hearing — you know, since she’s speaking out loud to an empty room already.” –Kevin on Earth

It never pays to ignore, a website where exhibitionists can post photos documenting their exposure.” –nescio

Mark Trail: “Those aren’t buttons on Mr. Dunlap’s shirt. That’s the access panel for his internal hardware. Mr. Dunlap is a Cybernetic Elder, or Sagebot, from the Euell Gibbons line. (There are several of these models still functioning, but it’s getting harder and harder to get parts. In fact, Mr. Logan there might actually be making a service call as the words he’s saying,’It’s my pleasure, Mr. Dunlap – it’s a story of local interest,’ sound more like some sort of machine code diagnostic routine than words that humans would say to one another.)” –Ned Ryerson

Judge Parker: “Randy Parker is Kate Jackson in Scarecrow and Mrs. King: The Next Generation.” –Master Softheart

“Shelley has decided to dedicate her award to the concept of shelter itself. Suck it, food and clothing!” –pugfuggly

“Can we just skip ahead to the part where we find out Mary’s friend has been embezzling millions from the shelter for years, please?” –tegrat

“I don’t think you could print ‘DESERTS’ in the small amount of space left on the front page. Maybe he ‘DIGS’ America. But does he Robbie –- DOES HE???” –Dennis Jimenez

“Meanwhile, the guys from the TSA and customs continue pursuing the wall crawler to find out whether he has any fruit to declare.” –aphthakid

Is he? #slatepitch” –Frippin in the Krotz

“‘I don’t care WHAT the New York Post says about him, I don’t believe Spidey’s in league with the Sandinistas!’ NEXT: OR IS HE?” –Chyron HR

Just a list of names to thank … starting with all the abusive parents, gang-bangers, and drug dealers, without whom there would be no troubled teens in need of a place like Promise Haven! Thank you, dregs of society, for giving me a reason to get up in the morning!” –Perky Bird

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Weapon Brown: Weapon Brown is a graphic novel in the post-apocalyptic genre, with something extra: the entire cast is drawn from the history of newspaper comics! All of your favorite funny page friends from Charlie Brown to Ziggy are featured as mutants, mercenaries, or some other variety of wasteland badass, all wrapped up in a thrilling action parody! The Kickstarter is now into its stretch goal where every pledge could be the one that doubles the size of the book to a mega-sized 400-pages!

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