Metapost: Publicly funny comments of the week!
Your COTW in a moment, but quick reminder that you have not one but TWO opportunities to see me do Gary The Emotionally Fragile Yoga Instructor in LA! Tonight 9, at the Etch-a-Sketch show at the LOFT theater, and, just added, Sunday night at 11 pm at iO West in Hollywood! That second show will feature me doing something else weird! DON’T MISS ’EM! (Or do miss ’em, see if I care. *sobs*)
Anyhoo: here’s this week’s top comment:
“Cindy continues to Sacco-and-Vanzetti this date.” –Ned Ryerson
And here are the hilarious runners up!
“Wow, you’d expect Margo to drop an ‘at-sign dollar-sign’ when she needs a drink badly enough, but what could have brought on the foul blasphemy that is the ‘rotated-90-degrees-hashtag?’ BETTER WATER DOWN THAT SCOTCH, THELMA” –Paul Acciavatti, on Facebook
“Obviously Heathcliff is giving the highlights from Christ’s Sermon on the Mound.” –Joe Momma
“I like to think that the final illustration of Heathcliff — bat at the ready — and the Easter Bunny isn’t anything to do with sports but a case of Heathcliff advancing stealthily on the Bunny, with violent intent. Having co-opted Jesus, there is now only a single obstacle in his narcissistic crusade to establish himself as the central focus of this holiday. Hopefully he has an equally inspiring speech planned for this one: ‘When you get to Inlé, tell them that Heathcliff sent you.'” –G’Quan
“In between panels one and three, Mark ironed Wally’s forehead and re-handsomed his face.” –Ukulele Ike
Judge Parker: “Abbey’s deer-in-the-headlights looks makes it clear that she has no clue what Sophie is talking about. ‘Weasel? What does that mean?’ ‘Is Derek a boy?’ ‘What is this relationship stuff that you speak of? Is that something poor people do?’ ‘Care for some more breakfast wine?'” –AhClem
“The panda eats bamboo, yes, but is it gluten-free bamboo? ‘It is what it is,’ Slylock Fox sighs as he tosses the bamboo shoots into the panda’s cage and scuttles off before the panda’s symptoms of celiac disease become disgustingly apparent.” –James in North Dakota
“I had my pick … by which I mean I always had a date for the football games and the prom. I wasn’t luring young boys from town to kill them in ritualistic ways and then consume their flesh. That would be … crazy.” –pugfuggly
“Sophie, I married Sam Driver, so clearly I had no memories of what boys are like.” –Voshkod
“The artist creates an eerie, Sin City-like effect in panel one, with Herb’s wife rendered as a lurking, shadowy figure whose only discernible features are her pupil-less eyes. I almost got the feeling that she was going to sneak up silently behind her husband and slit his throat before he even knew what was happening. ‘And Spanx? Don’t even get me started on Spanx! My wife has so many Spanx that she… GAAAACCKK!!'” –Joe Blevins
“Hey man, if I was trapped in a loveless marriage where my wife claimed various objects around the house like mugs by scrawling her name on them, so she knows what to take during the inevitable divorce, I’d want a little release in the form of some kinky role-playing over the phone with my lover Jamaal too, by playing our favorite game, ‘stereotypical male friends’. ‘All right, Jamaal — this time, you be my coworker by the water cooler who I complain to about sports. Sarah’s in the room right now, but that just makes it hotter.'” –Jack loves comics
“Lewis-and-Clarking (v): To claim something before the British or Russians get their hands on it, and bring back mastodon bones. ‘I really Lewis-and-Clarked that cheese danish, Prince Andrew. Ooh, nice femur.'” –Litte Blue Bicycle
“The ‘realllllly good’ dream Beetle had last night about Miss Buxley (which will not be coming true) is that she will pay for the pizza.” –Shrug
“[Lewis-and-Clarking] means that the guy will get halfway through exploring her but then have to hire another woman to guide him through her landmarks until he finally gets where he wants to go. Then once he gets there, he’s going to build a little fort.” –aphthakid
“Private Blips has just added a new line of code to Gizmo’s thoughts: computers have limits. Unfortunately this contradicts the previous line that says computers can do anything. From now on whenever Gizmo appears he’ll be in a corner muttering ‘Syntax error’ and slowly starving to death.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid
Judge Parker: “Sophie, I know that you are awash in hormones, trapped in a cavernous RV with two very drunk middle aged people who want to do nothing but insult other travelers and talk about The Chambers Affair, and still in mourning over a squirrel. Life is hard that way, sometimes.” –Master Softheart
“‘Oh, to be a gargoyle,’ Spider-Man thought. ‘To be a guardian, vigilantly observing the citizenry, a fearsome image ever present and never forgotten; but, locked in stone, incapable of movement, incapable of interaction, incapable of … failure. All expectations removed, all disappointments avoided — no bricks, no pipes to the head, no beatings from minor henchman of minor villains. They would all know my name, they would all know my face. But no one, no one would know my shame.'” –Vincent Watkins
“It’s hard to save a baby and still sound like an intolerable asshole. But damn it son, even when a child’s life is at stake, it’s important to concentrate on what matters: Screw Facebook. I can not stress this enough, that is my takeaway from an infant’s near-death. (sips coffee)” –Dan
Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.