Metapost: Review my book as I review your top comments
Hello all! Before we get into the comments of the week, let’s talk about my novel for a minute, shall we? It’s looking like we’re on track for it to be available to Kickstarter backers and the buying public in the first or second week of December. With that in mind, I am interested in getting a PDF of the thing into the virtual hands of potential book reviewers! Do you write book reviews for a publication of some sort where people read book reviews? Are you an editor of a site that assigns books to writers to review and then publishes those reviews? Do you do a book-themed podcast or radio show? Let’s talk! Email me at email@example.com!
Meanwhile, I’ve reviewed this week’s comments and determined this to be the best one:
“I like how the only thing Mary can say to describe the couple is that they look ‘back together’. I imagine she intended to think that they look quite happy together, but that’s a lie so blatant that her mind deleted it.” –Enlong
These runners up also worthy of your time!
“She had just enough time after the hot feeling of her ankle exploding to think ‘Oh, SHIT!’ She knew the pavement was rushing towards her face at an incredible speed, but time seemed to slow down during her fall. A wave of peace and acceptance washed over her pain in those interminable seconds. The realization that her shoes were not as sensible as she thought faded away. This was going to hurt. A lot. But, mere inches from the ground, she took solace in the fact that emergency services wouldn’t need to cut away her very smart hat. And that, truly, made her happy.” –rbmalpha
Judge Parker: “Having briefly worked a job in which my main responsibility was producing and maintaining an elaborate Gantt chart, I know a come on when I hear one. It’s no wonder Neddy’s so happy to see April: any wingman who saves you from dinner with an engineer is a friend indeed.” –pastordan
“I gotta say, one wouldn’t really expect the phrases ‘Prime cuts of meat’ and ‘Cold, hard cash’ to appear in dialogue between an elderly millionaire and his butler outside of the erotic novel I’m writing about Howard Hughes.” –Jack loves comics
“Tomorrow on Slylock Fox: Count Weirdly’s been badly burned after confronting the Caped Detective and his sidekick. How did the Dastardly Dingbat get most of his face melted off? Answer (turn your screen upside-down for full effect): Notice the propane tank in Weirdly’s laboratory. Remember that Slylock saw Watchmen for the fourteenth time last night. Remember that cool scene where Rorschach uses hair spray to light the cops on fire? Slylock does, and Max will now never forget it, the way hair smells as it burns, and skin crackles.” –Voshkod
“Bummer. That was Weirdly’s secret formula for making pants.” –Mikey
“Ass-wise, Gil Thorp sure has a type.” –Bill Zebub
“If using the word ‘dialogue’ as a verb isn’t grounds for divorce, I can’t imagine what is.” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys.
“Mrs. Wilson turned her head halfway toward Dennis, paused, then looked back at the wall. The room grew very quiet then for about thirty seconds, at which point Dennis heard a sound which he eventually realized was Mrs. Wilson sobbing quietly. Mr. Wilson must have heard it, too, because he said something which sounded like ‘goddammit,’ and he lifted his heavy frame out of the chair and walked out of the room. Mrs. Wilson didn’t even watch him go. Dennis, sensing an opportunity, rearranged the pieces on the checkerboard in his own favor.” –Joe Blevins
“Since Ralph caused the pothole to expand by standing on it, I’m expecting the mayor to blame him because he’s a warlock, and order him burned at the stake. Cranky will attend the ceremony and when its over and the air is flavored with burning Ralph-meat, will quip ‘at least he’s a head on the pole.'” –Bill Peschel
A3G: “‘I wish I didn’t have to go to the hospital…’ ‘But you work at the hospital.’ ‘Yeah, work sucks! Ha ha! Anyway, Margo is dying.'” –hogenmogen
“How long will I be gone? Until your forearms grow to normal length, Jeff. How do you get the spoon to your mouth, anyway?” –Lynn Larkin on Facebook
“I’m having a hard time reading ‘isn’t that good news’ with anything other than sarcasm. Of course, I’ve been reading everything Tommie says in a snarky voice for years. It really morphs the character from being blandly passive to passive-aggressive.” –The Might Untrained FOOZLE
“I hope Olive’s parents are exploiting her paranormal abilities to scam gullible billionaires. We have a lot of gullible billionaires in New York.” –Ukulele Ike
“When you have to raise your voice to shout ISN’T THAT GOOD NEWS? in someone’s face, it’s usually not good news.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“Actually, I like to imagine Phantom out in the kitchen, purple panties and all, making his son a sandwich.” –lumaca morente
“Ewwww. That yeast is going to get a Jamaal infection.” –seismic-2
Also, this visual joke from faithful reader Crusty Cloaca must be seen and admired in its magnificence.
Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:
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