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This! Week’s! Top! Comment!

“‘Are you saying I’m not capable of rational thinking?? Well I don’t have to sit here and take this!’ [Pushes away from conference table, stands up to reveal he’s wearing the bottom half of a giant chicken costume]” –Tonya

Hilarious! Runners! -Up!

“The tiny umbrella is just an excuse. Kiss already!” –Trey James, on Facebook

“The old man is really selling it with the international gesture for ‘cuckoo’ in panel five. ‘As you can see, my wits are no more diminished than my motor skills. Sorry you weren’t cut out for the corporate board room, my boy, but speaking of motor skills I hear there are some job openings down at the bus depot…’ [Begins to wink insistently while combining hand-to-mouth motion with tongue-in-cheek action in a perfectly coordinated fellatio pantomime.]” –Dragnet

“Well, if Milton Avery has had this billionaire fellow’s entire cricket team executed, they could at least have shown it in a nice Godfather-style montage.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“So, it’s obvious that Snuffy’s dick is going to fall off from the horrible home remedy moonshine version of viagra Granny Creeps just sold him, right? You don’t bring back a character like that after decades if it’s not going to involve someone’s dick falling off.” –Conor

“It does not speak well of Granny Creeps that Snuffy progressed all the way through his distant third choice, seeing an actual doctor and taking some actual medicine, before he deigned to visit her. Next we’ll find out he vaccinated his kids too!” –Steve S


“Neptune. Neptune’s name is Neptune.” –Lorne Hanks, on Facebook

“A crisis has once again been averted by the bold actions of Spider-Man some random woman with a baseball bat. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!” –AhClem

“Neddy’s side eye in that last panel is of a woman instantly adjusting her opinion of a man whom she now knows vacations like a commoner.” –Rusty

“The Hedgemon, a creeping, invasive plant that only consumes the smug and fortunate, makes a move on the Parker clan.” –Voshkod

“It’s nice that Ghost-Who-Choke-Holds thinks of his daughter while killing Africa’s biggest Jimmy Buffett fan, and that said daughter has made the acquaintance of another power hungry schemer.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“This is like watching a nature show about the whitest people on earth. All it needs is some British-accented narration. ‘Having thus greeted one another in the customary fashion, the two alpha males will now try to establish dominance in the age-old ritual of haggling over motor home prices.'” –Joe Blevins

“Yeah, my dad also likes really young women who don’t sing. My dad’s a creep, actually.” –Little Blue Bicycle

Dr. Liz Bellman: An ordinary high school student, she discovered that she had superhuman powers after she was bitten by a radioactive Dr. Liz Bell.” –A Concerned Reader

“Marvin, of course, favors the musical talents of The Butthole Surfers.” –Shrug

“Not that anyone except me cares, but while Dr Bellman may not be an established figure from the comics, Metro-General is; it was the setting of the seventies Night Nurse comic, and did in fact appear in the Netflix Daredevil series as the workplace of Claire Temple. So if you were wondering if there was anything interesting about today’s strip, I think I’ve conclusively shown there isn’t.” –Horace Broon

“Hootin’ Holler was a pro-Union enclave in Civil War, and Lincoln was venerated in cult of personality status greater than inflation. A Smith ancestor likely got a signed commendation from Lincoln for acts of sabotage against the Confederacy, mostly for chicken stealing.” -Philip Moon, on Twitter

“This is the way the world ends: not with a bang, but gradually blurring into a blue-and-beige haze.” –Chyron HR

I’ve made sure that Margo will never want for a good life. I’m leaving her with the man she rejected two years ago then abruptly dropped as a client. She’ll be too busy throwing angry tantrums at Greg to ever dream of anything else.” –hogenmogen

“Damnit, Lu Ann! I can’t have this conversation with you on the stoop of a… What hipster nonsense is this, some kind of brownstone soupery?” –Bunivasal

“Adorably, Dithers also wrote ‘DAT AZZZZZ!!!!’ in the memo line of Dagwood’s severance check.” –Doctor Handsome

“I have no idea what Curtis’ dad is trying to convey with the hand signal in panel three, but it makes me feel kind of unclean all of a sudden.” –Pozzo

Laugh at Crankshaft all you will, but somewhere in an NSA or CIA boardroom a bunch of analysts are debating the efficacy and and potential human rights abuses of exporting the Funkyverse malaise onto the Islamic State.” –Philip

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