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Hey all! I have another article I wrote that I think is pretty fun, if you like True Tales of Corporate Chaos: “How to keep IT security together in a company that’s gone bankrupt.” Corporate failure involves a lot of drama, it turns out!

But maybe your idea of fun leans less towards “articles about IT” and more towards “live comedy that involves the Internet?” Well, if you’re in the LA area, good news: tonight my monthly show of Internet jokes is at its new great time (Friday at 8 pm) and same great place (The Clubhouse in Los Feliz, which has plenty of free parking and is close to the Metro Red Line). And it’s free! Get in on it!

Here’s the Facebook event!

Oh, what’s that? Your actual idea of fun is the comment of the week? Well, I’ve got one of those for you too, and it’s great:

“Well, Spidey, I know here we are shrunk to few inches and encased in polymers by Egghead, a scientist who loves technology, but it’s nice to see that Hank is tied up to an old kitchen chair with some hemp rope. Egghead still appreciates the classics.” –Joe Momma

The runners up are also very funny!

“The many punches to the head Sarge has given him over the years have rendered Beetle practically deaf. The sound of mid-century artillery is as a lullaby to him.” –Bryan J. Simmons, on Facebook

“Pluggers is funnier if you assume that he’s just desperate to see the football scores while the font-page headline he’s looking at says, ‘FRANCE DECLARES WAR ON PORTUGAL’ or ‘PRESIDENT INDICTED.'” –Doctor Handsome

“Perfect, I bought a million dollar mansion so you can hang out in a 3′ x 5′ crawlspace. Well, the dog is getting you room.” –pugfuggly

“I was going to make a joke about Dog Plugger using the little blue pill to alleviate his elbow pain for ‘sex’ but I didn’t want to visualize a hunched over geriatric dog masturbating to racy chicken pictures but then it happened anyway.” –Mikey

“You’re a plugger if you explain your jokes even though they’re built on what you believe to be universally recognizable stereotypes … because your audience has a high incidence of old age dementia.” –Amake

“Sarah Morgan knows that you start small. She’s studied these things. Hitler tried to start a coup from a beer hall. Genghis and Attila started in tents. This little space, the cupboard beneath the stairs, from here she would start her empire. ‘I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space,’ she whispers, before putting her child’s mask back on. ‘Mom! Dad! Check this out!’ As her simpering father croons some soft words, she considers what she would carve into the walls of this haven: ‘The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.'” –Voshkod

“I assume tomorrow’s Judge Parker will pan over to a dramatic reveal of Sophie in a swivel chair. ‘And Sophie Spencer does not tolerate incompetence!’ [trap door button] Why? Fuck if I know, but Judge Parker characters are all two panels of character development from billionaire super villain at any given time, so why not.” –Dan

Panel two finally gives us some classic Judge Parker T&A. That’s ‘tears and ass,’ naturally.” –Joe Blevins

“Having shrunk your enemies down to ltty-bitty size for some reason that has to do with being Ant-Man’s nemesis, some fixation with ltty-bitty people, there are several fine ways to kill them. Squoosh them with your thumb. Putting a glass over them and watching them run out all the air might be fun. For god’s sake, man, there’s a magnifying glass right there, and two bugs: do the math! But, no, Egghead has decided that the way to handle this would be to make little rectangular molds, get some kind of epoxy that does not need to be heated to skin-searing temperatures, and put them on the table to talk to them. All to show off the fact that he has neato ‘magnifying goggles.’ There’s still hope that he might flick their heads off with his fingernail, but frankly, that hope is dimming.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

That doctor is obviously new to the Dick Tracy universe. Not only does he not appear to have a pun-based name commenting on some personal disfigurement, he has also neglected to frame his diagnoses in a turn of phrase that acknowledges his patient’s pun-name. ‘Coffee is cooling off in the OR … but he isn’t iced yet!’ See! How hard is that? And this man somehow got a medical degree.” –Doug Wykstra

“I wonder what’s going on over at the Daily Bugle right now, especially since its owner has been more preoccupied lately with keeping three separate men tied up in his hideout. I guess he’s just really good at delegating.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Were the documents properly notarized? THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!” –The Cranky Tank, on Twitter

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

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  • Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

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