You know what time it is, y’all: it’s comment of the week time!
“Here’s a friendly tip: If a cop comes up to you while you’re drinking with stolen money and stands with his hands on his hips and his groin in your face and asks, ‘Hey, Pal. Are you [your name here]’ … even if you’re proud to have a clever nickname (such as ‘Scooter’), the correct answer is, ‘Nope.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
It’s also time to enjoy some runners up:
“She makes me a Big Brother! With the cameras installed in her glassy eyes, I can watch the citizens and neutralise the Outer Party subversives while inspiring absolute devotion in my followers. First the kindergarten, then Oceania!” –Schroduck
“I’m trying to picture what it must be like to try and sell Shoe to a newspaper. ‘Have I got a comic strip for you! It’s about these birds, see? And they spend most of their time drinking to forget the terrible things they’ve done! … Hello? Hello?'” –Joe Blevins
“By failing to give us the title of Smith’s farce, the strip skips over dozens of potentially amusing puns. It could have been Bye Bye Birdie, A Wing & A Prayer, La Cage Aux Folles … but clearly the writers of daily comic strips aren’t aiming for jokes.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid
“Jesus, does the Perfesser writer all his reviews with that same kind if overdetailed introduction? ‘Roz’s cafe, with its selection of plant and animal matter, can provide sustenance…’” –pugfuggly
“So, you are telling me that Dad faked his death because he could not stand you, his horrible wife, and he did not care for his terrible sons. Could you explain me how he did it, step by step? I am asking for a friend.” –Ettorre
“A college student whose father just told her that he’s going away for a year and leaving her living rent-free in a condo well stocked with cookies? ‘I’ll be fine’ might be the year’s biggest understatement.” –Lacey Wootton, on Facebook
“Nah, kid, we got the Tooth Vulture. Look, could you hurry up and die of exposure already? I don’t have all day.” –Doctor Handsome
“All my friends have flown the coop or gone home to roost. Did I mention I’m a chicken? Yep, still a chicken here.” –BigTed
“A little bit of today’s headline is cut off in The Daily Bugle. The full headline reads ‘The City is a Safe!’ and details the villainy of ‘The Locksmith,’ who has enclosed New York City in a giant safe. It’s a brilliant way of setting up Spider-man’s next failure.” –Voshkod
“It’s rare to see a joke on the comics page that was clearly not vetted by any part of a rational mind. ‘Are this vulture and this kid friends?’ ‘Sure, sounds good.’ ‘Yeah, but birds … do birds have or understand teeth?’ ‘Nightmare birds do.’ ‘Okay, cool!’” –Victor Von
“Hold your fire, men! Seriously, you’ve already blown off one of my arms, it looks like!” –Proteus454
“I am charmed by Peter’s phrasing — ‘o’coffee’ could be a hip new way to say ‘Irish coffee.’ And let’s face it: it’s not like hard liquor could make him any worse.” –Irrischano
“Whole swaths of research have been written about the Pygmalion effect, something that frames up how higher expectations lead to an increase in performance. Did we create Dennis? Are we the reason he must snarl and bite and play the menace? Nope! Some kids are just shitty.” –Chareth Cutestory
“Ah yes, good old Arthur’s Bar, where it’s less than six feet from front door to barstool, where they hang framed geometry on the wall, and where The Nothing waits right outside the only window. I can see why Leroy is the happiest person there.” –Steve S
“Frikkin’ Mitchells had to set up a goddamn spotlight for their joke. Sure Henry, you’re a goddamn Neil Simon.” –Dan
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- Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
- And if you haven’t bought my novel yet, you should! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.