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Hey everybody! A big thanks to everyone who’s signed up to be a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter over the past week! Remember, for a mere $3 a month (charged to your credit card every month; cancel any time!) you get:

  • A lovely ad-free version of the site and RSS feed
  • A what-you-see-is-what-you-get editor that lets you add bold, italics, and other formatting
  • The ability to edit your comment up to ten minutes after you post it (even if it’s in moderation!)

And we’re working to clean up the redesigned site for older browsers and also tackle some requested design/feature tweaks, like restoring the Random Post O’ Mystery link on the archives page and tweaking the left-hand nav bar. Stay tuned! And if you’re spotting bugs, please email me at jfruh@jfruh.com!

But your first comment of the week of 2017 is ready … right now!

“Well, no wonder Zak got a strike so easily — he seems to be throwing from the middle of the lane. Iris is really just impressed by how the kids today don’t play by anybody’s rules, not even the bowling alley’s.” –Noel

And your very funny runners up!

“I’m glad to see that Iris has finally accepted Mickey Mouse as her Lord and Savior.” –Dmsilev

“I’m trying to imagine the original conversation that must have led to this moment. ‘Dennis, have I ever told you what happens to us when we die?'” –Joe Blevins

“50 Shades of Dull.” –Rusty

“Amazing demonstration of the storytelling potential of the graphic arts in today’s Funky Winkerbean. Through the two panels, we learn a lot: A large dome existed in black-and-white photo times, and was apparently called ‘the Brown Derby.’ Then an indeterminate number of decades later, some old people were smug … in the vicinity of the very same dome!” –Schroduck

“Your momma’s so stupid, her nickname is ‘Bray!’ … … You know, like a donkey’s bray? Bray, a brop of bolden sun? Yo momma’s so hoarse, her nickname is ‘Hhhhh’! Is that not bray-worthy? I don’t remember where I was going with this, but I hope you had a nice weekend, too.” –Hogenmogen!

“These people are about to perform a sex act that in old Hollywood was called a ‘brown derby,’ and it’s every bit as horrible as you would imagine.” –BigTed

“Well, dang it, Elviney! How are we gonna be Hootin’ Holler’s first improv troupe if you won’t ‘yes, and…’ me?” –Dr. Dread

“In all fairness to the ladies, after a few hits from Snuffy’s jug, you can imagine any flavor is good after your taste buds have been cauterized.” –Maltmash3r

“When I dine, I find it convenient to sit with my face approximately an inch from my companion’s, all the better to share our smug, lackluster wordplay and whatever contagious, fatal diseases we’re assuredly carrying.” –Steve S

“Like a seafood restaurant lets you pick your own live lobster from the display tank, The Brown Derby shows you a plethora of human heads upon which you can feast. Pick the one you want and they’ll boil it up quick and serve it with a mallet and scoop.” –Voshkod

“Look at Dennis’ intense study of Mr. Wilson. With the eyes of a scientist he watches. Wilson’s face, his anger, his heart, weakened by age but still capable of immeasurable rage: What makes this old man tick? thinks Dennis. The amateur menaces without knowledge using crude tactics and brute force but Dennis is the master and so studies his opponent. He studies so that he may know the secret words that will bring cold sweats and terror. He studies so that he may someday become the essence of menace itself.” –EscapeZeppelin

“Honestly, I really admire Zak’s commitment to wooing Iris. ‘Hmm, that concert didn’t go so well! What’s a thing that women my mom’s age like? Bowling? Do people still do that? I better check YouTube!'” –Here come the Judge

“…and then, the doors of the Family Fun-O-Rama flung open, and there, standing in the mist (actually, the smoke of smokers who were certainly not fifteen feet from the door), to Iris’s surprise, stood Wilbur, wearing a beard and a parka and ready to fight for his woman. His ball, Mjölnir, glistened as he stepped forward into the light and said, ‘Let’s play.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“‘Sophie is not one of your cases, Sam!’ Wait, is this how Sam usually prepares for his cases, by dressing up like a drifter and wandering the woods? There is so much about the law I don’t understand.” –pugfuggly

“I don’t know if anybody noticed, but you can mix and match ‘Fightin’ Rooster‘ here with a lot of other stuff: ‘moonshine still’, ‘stockpile of heroin’, ‘brothel to run’. Actually, if you drop the ‘shameful and illegal’ angle, pretty much anything’ll work: ‘Xbox One’, ‘gold tooth’, ‘newborn child’.” –Jack Loves Comics

And I must give a huge thanks to all the extremely kind people who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! I’m taking a moratorium on ad buys because we’re still tweaking the ad slots, but look for exciting ways you can advertise on this site come 2017!